Kelly Epperson's Blog

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

Oh, me-oh-my, how we crave to be right! I know I do, and I see it in so many others. The thing is, that need to be right is stopping us from letting our genius out into the world. Being right really is NOT what we should be shooting for.

This desire to be right – and to make sure everyone else knows we are right – does more harm than good. It keeps us from moving forward. We are stuck back here, repeating to whoever will listen, with heels digging into the dirt, and the end result is that here we still sit.

The need to be right is actually the fear of being wrong.

Fear keeps us stuck. We fear being wrong because we fear looking foolish. That is the number one fear, beating out public speaking, going to the dentist, death, and anything else you are afraid of.

It’s crazy when you think about. We fear looking like an idiot. Somewhere in our youth, we said something or did something and were ridiculed. That forgotten pain is still lodged deep inside and now we spend a lot of energy trying to be right. That “protective measure” is trying to keep you from feeling that embarrassment. Most of our behaviors are there to protect us. The thing is, you don’t need that kind of protection anymore. You need the shield to come down and the encouragement to give it a go anyway, whether you are right or not.

Those who advance in life are the ones who have overcome their fear of not being right. They know they will not always hit the mark, yet they give it a shot anyway. They know they might mess up, but they get out there.

This year has started off with me doing plenty that was not right. And I’m still standing. When my husband and I first started dating, we joked that I was right 98% of the time. When it comes to song lyrics and television trivia from the 1970’s, I am.

I have learned to let go of my need to be right (even in songs and trivia – that was tough!) and it has helped me keep moving along. Sometimes it feels like I am off 98% of the time.

Six weeks into this new year and I think I have done just as much wrong as I have done right, yet I have accomplished more because I have released my self-imposed shackles of right. I still have the fear of doing it wrong, I still hate messing up, I still cringe at my failed attempts, and yet I am learning more than if I had played it safe and waited until I “got it right,”

It seems to me that in growing a business, and in life, there is plenty of wiggle room for what is right and what is learning curve. One of my mentors says that 80% of what they do in her company doesn’t work. It doesn’t stop them. They keep doing stuff. And the 20% that works, is over the moon successful.

I see many people stay stuck in a rut when it comes to a book. They want to get it right. They don’t want to look dumb. They get tangled up in details of what is the “right” structure instead of just trying to write a little something and see where it takes them. They are so afraid to put themselves out there. When it comes to a book, there is no right or wrong. Just express what you want to convey and the chapters can shape up accordingly.

Relax.

The only way you can do life wrong is by trying to do it all right. Cut yourself some slack. You are not perfect, yet you are. Even when you are not right.

So let go of pontificating and start conversing. Ask questions. Be interested. Learn. Be curious. Be open. No one has to agree with you. Own what you know without having to prove a darn thing to anybody else.

Share from your heart what you came here to say. Write a book, a poem, a song. Express how you choose. Let go of the need to be right. Let go of the fear on being wrong. There is no final exam. There is no judgement. The only judgement is that we put on ourselves and it’s time to lighten up.

Ask yourself: If I mess up today, what is the worst that can happen? What will happen if I am not “right”?

You might just find yourself enjoying more, connecting more, discovering more. Let me know how it goes!

We recently went to the musical We Will Rock You in Chicago. I saw it ten years ago in London with my boys, but Prince Charming had never seen it.

I know I enjoyed the production more the first time around, even if my memory details were foggy. Certainly there were no references to Katy Perry or Lady Gaga this first time I saw it. They update the lines a bit to be more current, and to add humor.

What I got a kick out of were the two ladies behind me. They first got my attention when about a third of the way into the play, one piped up, “Oh, I know that song. It’s a Queen song. I have one of their albums at home.”

I grinned.

All the songs were Queen songs. Granted not all were big radio hits, but this musical has been going on for twelve years. The words “We Will Rock You” are a known Queen anthem. The signage around the theater and the merchandise for sale at the kiosks had shirts that said “Killer Queen”, “We Are The Champions”, “We Will Rock You”, and other Queenisms.

Yet the more I listened to these two women, it was evident that they were just here to take in a play and they didn’t know the background.

I wanted to turn around and show them the playbill that stated in big letters “We Will Rock You-The Musical-QUEEN and Ben Elton,” but that would have ruined the fun for all of us.

The main characters has Queen lyric names, but many of the “rebels” were other rock stars of days gone by, like Buddy Holly, Ozzy Ozbourne, and Aretha. It’s my hunch that these gals thought this was an era homage, like Rock of Ages, the tribute to music of the 80’s (and not so great, I’m told.)

At intermission, the lady doing most of the talking simply stammered, “I’m speechless.” I wasn’t sure at first if that was a favorable reaction or not, but as she continued, I knew she was in awe of it all.

I suppose I am being too hard on these theater goers. If my parents had attended the show, they probably would not have known all the songs, but they would have read the cover of the playbill and figured it out that this was a Queen musical.

The story does pay reverence to the king, the one before Michael Jackson, and the story concludes at the gates of Graceland. The King, Elvis, is not part of the storyline, but his legend is. Obviously the boys from Queen held Elvis in high regard.

The show wraps up with a rocking “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” number with the full cast. They all take a curtain call for the final encore to provide Bohemian Rhapsody, the mecca of the Queen musical.

As we stood up to leave, the ladies were gushing praise. “Truly, I am speechless. How they tied it all together. So amazing.”

I hope the gals went home and played their Queen records and recognized more of the songs. Actually, that’s none of my business. They had fun. We had fun. We all enjoyed a night at the theater and a night of Queen music, whether they knew it was Queen or not. I don’t think Freddie Mercury would care. After all, he gave us all Somebody to Love. Thanks, Freddie. Rock on.

Photo Credit: Flickr

I teach science of happiness and am known to some as the joy fairy, so some folks think I never have a melancholy moment.

Not true. We all do. Understanding happiness means that you accept the emotions and do not squash them. You express and experience. That goes for the joy and the moments of blah too.

Of course I feel sad sometimes. Knowing that we don’t always feel on top of the world means that we handle the pain better when it does come.

I have been a distracted mopey mess today, so it’s time to practice what I preach. Feel the pain.

I’ll spare the details but my ache is due a loved one in the hospital in extreme pain. I have spent the morning ruminating, worrying, feeling awful and not getting anything done. That does not do anyone any good.

So I let myself cry. Expressing. No more squashing. I have done all I can, materially and physically, to help our loved ones. Now we simply must wait. I hate waiting. I hate feeling helpless. So instead of staying in that energy, I force myself to shift into a different energy.

A good cry is cathartic. When you let yourself let loose, the crying jag usually does not last long. It’s when we try to suppress it that it keeps raging back. Let it out. Go cry and see if you even make it past ten minutes.

After a cry, the take action gene usually kicks in. Do something. Take a walk. Exercise. Clean the house. Punch something. Movement and physical activity release chemicals that relieve depression and anxiety. If you are prone to depression, make sure you do something that makes you sweaty.

Take in something of beauty. Watching the birds and squirrels for a few minutes takes me out of my head and calms me. Do some art therapy like coloring or squeezing PlayDoh. Turn on a music video on YouTube that lifts you up. Know what works for you. For me, “Under Pressure” with the Kermit puppets and “Good Morning” from Singing in The Rain usually help uplift me.

Do an activity where you can feel accomplishment. Maybe you clean out and organize the junk drawer. Unload the dishwasher. Do a load of laundry. Do anything that you can do without thinking too hard yet is productive. Let that propel you to something else.

Write in your journal. Writing is very healing. Getting it out of you and on to paper is a wonderful thing. If you are feeling overwhelmed with worry, write it all out and then burn it. Then switch your energy to writing out the best possible scenario. Feel the energy shift within you.

When you are in a place of missing someone or feeling their pain, consciously move from that energy to love energy. Instead of thinking how much you miss them or how much they are hurting, simply channel positive love toward that person. Focus on the love. Focus on any one thing that you can be grateful for in the situation.

It takes effort to do this, but it’s worth it.

Another way to feel better is to do something kind for someone else. If you have a loved one in ICU who cannot accept flowers, you can still buy flowers for others. Way back when I was in the pain of my divorce, I often gifted bouquets to people just because. It made their day and it helped me.

When you take physical action, be it walking, writing, or buying flowers, you can shift your energy. You may still feel sad, but it won’t be the bog-you-down miserable sadness. Happy people get sad. They don’t deny it. It’s part of life. So is joy. That will come back too. Feel it all.

Photo Credit: Flickr

If I really wanted to be transparent, vulnerable, and authentic, and any of the other buzzwords bantered around the internet marketing world, I would show you a photo of me right now. I type on my laptop, on the couch in my hotel room, with two tissues shoved up each nostril.

TMI?

Yes.

There is a fine line between sharing my real self and sharing intimate details that no one needs to know (I have a cold and feel yucky and tissues in my nose feels good). It is my experience that in our writing we rarely expose Too Much Information. My clients err on the side of NEPI – Not Enough Personal Information.

I always tell them to let loose, and if they go overboard we will clean it up in editing. (Sorry, no self-editing on myself today. You get the tissue up the nose story.) The heart of the matter is that we want to connect. To do that, you have to share your ups and downs, your humanness.

The marketing folks all proclaim TVA is the key and I agree we do need to be Transparent, Vulnerable, and Authentic. We simply need to be ourselves. Instead of buzzwords, go back to basics and Get Real. Don’t try to prove yourself, just be yourself.

Riddle me this: Why do you read? To get information. To get information. To connect. We all long to connect with others, with ideas, with the world, with ourselves. Writing cannot serve as the connector if there is no personal engagement.

Every where I go, every conference, every conversation, I hear about the power of story. We relate to each other through story. Yes, you have good stuff to share – really great content! – and the way your reader will digest that information is because of the story that supports your point.

You’ve got stories. You get new fodder every day. Big stuff and small stuff (usually the small stuff is golden) is how to relate to another human being. If you had tea with the Pope and Oprah on a mountain top in Maui, yes, please tell me that story. Don’t hide your light if you have big stories. We are inspired by big stories.

Also, don’t think you don’t have any light at all. Most of us think our stories are not exciting or “important” or worth sharing. Wrong-o. What you say to me in this conversation we call the written word makes an impact on me.

I connect with you because you wrote about your bike you got in third grade with the banana seat and purple streamers on the handle bars. I connect with you because you wrote about having a crush in high school on Tom and he asked your best friend to go out with him. I connect with you because you wrote about sleeping on the couch after your divorce because you did not want to go upstairs to empty bedrooms the entire first week your kids stayed at their dad’s.

Life is in the moments, and those are the moments to share in your writing. Tell your stories. Don’t hold back. Don’t be concerned that you will reveal TMI. You usually won’t. And if you do, most readers will forgive you. Tissues and all.

Reading headlines on the internet is not good for one’s health. They are supposed to improve our health, but they sure could raise your stress level.

The goal is to make you click, so the headlines are very alarming or designed to suck you in. “Break these bad habits now.” That’s pretty tame, but it makes me wonder if I have any of those bad habits.

When I click, I am taken to a magazine article titled 7 Worst Health Habits Ever. Lucky for me, I don’t wear contacts. If I did, and I fell asleep with them in my eyes, I could go blind. Jeepers. That’s what the Yahoo teaser line indicated.

The article states I could get an infection, and certainly dry eyes from going to sleep with contacts in eyes. A severe infection could lead to cornea scarring and that could lead to “vision reduction.”

There were no stats quoted as to how many people this has happened to. My vision reduction is at bay, reading glasses excluded, so I continue on.

If I don’t floss my teeth every day I will suffer the consequences too. Again, it’s that pesky thing – bacteria – at the root of the problem.

The food that stays stuck between teeth that the toothbrush does not get “has a chance at turning into bacteria” that can eat at away at your tooth enamel and cause tooth decay.

This article says we need to brush THREE times a day and floss every night before bed. If you don’t, you run the risk of gum disease, root canals and tooth loss.

Oh my. Don’t fall asleep without flossing your teeth. The bacteria are going to get you while you dream.

Is that where nightmares come from?

If I fall asleep without taking off my makeup, I am in big trouble too.

Going to bed without washing my face is much more serious than I thought. I knew it might age me slightly or create a pimple if I was younger or my hormones were racing. What I read is that the dang bugger, bacteria, could run amok all over my face.

Leaving on makeup leads to clogged pores and that, so it is written, creates a breeding ground for bacteria to run wild on.

It’s a Bacteria Party. In the eyes, in the mouth, on the face. Bacteria rules! So the answer is to wash the face nightly with a washcloth and a cleanser.

Don’t think you’re safe there. This article states that the bathroom sink is full of bacteria. If all I read were articles like this, I could easily become a germophobe.

What are the other bad habits you wonder? Not getting enough exercise. No surprise there.

There was no mention of bacteria, but I know they roam in locker rooms and sweaty gym clothes.

Another bad habit was too much alcohol consumption. Maybe people drink to drown out the fear of bacteria.

Again bacteria was not mentioned in regard to booze, but excessive alcohol in one sitting could lead to unprotected sex and pregnancy or STDs. I’d venture to guess there’s bacteria there.

The bad habit of eating too much fast food made the list. No report of the germs in the joint, just how bad fast food is for us.

The final habit to make the cut is the shoes you wear. Flats give no support and high heels are deemed dangerous. Finally, a habit that is germ-free.

Excuse me while I go floss my teeth, wash my face, take off my shoes and go to bed.

Photo Credit: Flickr

If you feel stressed, overwhelmed, and a little frazzled, the first stop is the fridge. No, don’t open it. Food is not the answer. Decluttering your life is.

We have too much busy-ness in our life and one display is how much stuff you have posted on your fridge door. We can talk at length about clutter and its implications, but today let’s talk the fridge. The refrigerator door should be a place of honor, not the catch all, the dumping ground, or the holding tank.

You know what I mean. When in doubt, something gets stuck on the fridge door for safekeeping. Pretty soon, there is a hodge podge there and nothing is really eye catching. It’s just a gigantic bulletin board with no system, style, or sentiment. Nothing stands out and what you wanted to set apart is lost in the blur.

Use the fridge door wisely. It matters.

Seriously.

Start now. Go to your refrigerator door. How many items are there? Anything outdated that should have been tossed? Do you really need the carryout menu there? Is there anything fun or uplifting there in the fray?

If you have young kids and feel compelled to use the door as your display, pick one item of their artwork or writing to post on the fridge. It is a special exhibit.

When my boys were young, their masterpieces were put up on the basement wall, sort of like wall paper. One entire wall was a great showcase of various works, and the refrigerator could be opened and closed without a swoosh of papers and magnets flying.

The real reason to keep the fridge door uncluttered is for the energy you want in your life. If you pile stuff on the door, you probably pile stuff into your life. More does not mean better.

Being decisive on what goes on the fridge door helps you be decisive about what you allow into your life.

Consider the fridge door sacred. Do the same for your life.

Be thoughtful of what you allow. Paying attention and making thoughtful choices is good for your mind, body, and soul.

Do you say yes to everything and then feel exhausted because you have overcommitted? Do you juggle too much and feel wiped out? Do you crave a little peace and relaxation?

Clean off the fridge door. It’s a small start, and a step in the right direction.  The practical matter is also rooted in science. When there is too much to look at, we see nothing. Is that how you are going through life?

In my joy workshops, I teach my clients to have just one thing on the face of the door. Something that makes you smile, something that makes you feel appreciation, something that has an anticipation of delight.

You might want a photo of your family reunion, a funny picture or comic, an inspirational quote, a photo from vacation or a picture of the place you want to visit next. We humans are visual creatures so post a pleasant visual to feed you.

The studies show that we look at our refrigerator door 37 times a day. If that is so, let each time be a good shot of positivity for you, not a reminder that you have a root canal on Wednesday.

The hectic time of the year is upon us. Make yourself calmer in one small way, by cleaning off the fridge door, and let it carry over into other areas of your life. Let me know how it goes.

(Maybe your one item to place on the fridge door is this column! Cheers!)

Photo Credit: Flickr

I look out my window from the plane and see the clouds below. I take it for granted that I am in a flying tube up in the sky typing on my laptop. I recall the first time I saw a phone in the back of the seat (or the individual movie monitors) and was in awe. Now I think it’s incredible that internet service is available inflight. It won’t be long before I take that for granted, too.

It’s human nature, I suppose. We quickly get used to things. This morning, I look at the way the sun is beaming on the edge of the white puffs of cottony foam and I am taking in the beauty. It’s a vista deserving of a moment of appreciation.

My older son is an aeronautical engineering student and I have deeper appreciation for all things flight these days. I will never comprehend, but I send my silent thanks to all the engineers who have made my trip possible today.

Yes, I love the pilot for driving this flying machine and the flight attendants for giving me cookies (yay! some airlines still give cookies!) and my deep appreciation goes to all the folks who have had a hand in creating the adventure of safe air travel, all the nameless folks who have spent their lives as a propulsion specialist or some other aspect that we don’t even think about

Thank you.

Because of my son’s passion, I watched a recent space walk with awe and delight. The crew in Houston talking to the astronauts at the space station as they were out in space touched me. The methodical detailed instructions, the encouragement, the enormity of the task. Taking tools in space was something I had never thought about and now I watched in fascination and appreciation. The fact that we at home can watch it all is mind boggling to me.

My emotions welled as I thought that each person there had a specific focus and they all trained for years to be a part of this greater cause, something they believe in strongly. Those who travel to the space station, and those in Houston, are equally heroes to me.

So much we don’t ever think about, so much we take for granted. A moment of pause on the plane admiring the view before this busy trip begins makes me feel centered and grounded. Funny, since I am high above the ground.

It makes me realize that every day, in every way, a moment of pause, a moment to take in the beauty, a moment of appreciation will keep me grounded. No matter what they day holds, a flight or working at home in my slippers, giving a bit of thanks for all that paved my way is a great way to start the day.

So much we take for granted. So much to be appreciated.

Thank you.

Photo Credit: Flickr

I look out my window from the plane and see the clouds below. I take it for granted that I am in a flying tube up in the sky typing on my laptop. I recall the first time I saw a phone in the back of the seat (or the individual movie monitors) and was in awe. Now I think it’s incredible that internet service is available inflight. It won’t be long before I take that for granted, too.

It’s human nature, I suppose. We quickly get used to things. This morning, I look at the way the sun is beaming on the edge of the white puffs of cottony foam and I am taking in the beauty. It’s a vista deserving of a moment of appreciation.

My older son is an aeronautical engineering student and I have deeper appreciation for all things flight these days. I will never comprehend, but I send my silent thanks to all the engineers who have made my trip possible today.

Yes, I love the pilot for driving this flying machine and the flight attendants for giving me cookies (yay! some airlines still give cookies!) and my deep appreciation goes to all the folks who have had a hand in creating the adventure of safe air travel, all the nameless folks who have spent their lives as a propulsion specialist or some other aspect that we don’t even think about

Thank you.

Because of my son’s passion, I watched a recent space walk with awe and delight. The crew in Houston talking to the astronauts at the space station as they were out in space touched me. The methodical detailed instructions, the encouragement, the enormity of the task. Taking tools in space was something I had never thought about and now I watched in fascination and appreciation. The fact that we at home can watch it all is mind boggling to me.

My emotions welled as I thought that each person there had a specific focus and they all trained for years to be a part of this greater cause, something they believe in strongly. Those who travel to the space station, and those in Houston, are equally heroes to me.

So much we don’t ever think about, so much we take for granted. A moment of pause on the plane admiring the view before this busy trip begins makes me feel centered and grounded. Funny, since I am high above the ground.

It makes me realize that every day, in every way, a moment of pause, a moment to take in the beauty, a moment of appreciation will keep me grounded. No matter what they day holds, a flight or working at home in my slippers, giving a bit of thanks for all that paved my way is a great way to start the day.

So much we take for granted. So much to be appreciated.

Thank you.

Many moms lament the passing of time. I’ve had my moments. I was the mommy who bawled at preschool graduation because it was the end of a precious era.

I’m not fifty yet but I have become the old lady who tells young things to enjoy the moments now with their little ones. They do go fast.

I also advise that these are not the best years to preserve in a time capsule. Enjoy the days and don’t worry if you don’t have it all on digital download. It’s okay if you don’t document everything in a scrapbook or post it all on Facebook. It’s quite wonderful to simply be in the moment.

Laugh with the little ones. Get messy. Play in the leaves, play in the snow, play with finger paints. If you capture the moment for posterity, great. If not, great. It doesn’t make you less of a awesome mom if you don’t every year of grade school organized in a box or a book or on a flash drive.

Yes, the things little kids say and do are fun and funny. I’m glad I have some of those sillies scribbled in journals. I just found an index card that my sons wrote me, maybe in grade school, maybe even in junior high. It simply says, “You are a great mom.” It was a random thing, not an assignment for school, not a holiday card. Sweet.

The things big kids say and do are just as endearing. Many old ladies say the raising the kids years are the best of your life. I say every year, when you’re in it, is the best year of your life. If we think we only enjoy life for eighteen years, that is rather sad.

I loved being a mom to my boys when they were little. I love being a mom to my big boys now even more. It’s not just because they can do their own laundry, shovel the driveway, make food, run errands, or any other perk of being a responsible young adult. It’s the joy they still bring to my life.

The conversations we have now fill my spirit in a deeper way. Their thoughts and opinions on life are insightful and mature, and I am so proud of the young men they have become. They are sometimes wise beyond their years and sometimes silly and sweet as babies.

A hug or random “I love you” from a fella who wears a size 13 shoe is just as heart-melting as a toddler squeeze around the neck.

It seems sometimes the young mommies put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect mommies. Making the most creative cakes and sharing the most clever of anecdotes on the nonstop social media. To be a perfect mom, all you have to do is love your kids with everything in you.

Forgive yourself when you mess up. There will be times you are tired and crabby. Lighten up the standards and relax a little more. Take each day as it comes. Find the funny in every day. End each day with thanks. Wake up tomorrow and give it your best for another day.

There will be a day when you bawl because your sweeties graduate preschool, high school, or you put them on a plane to go back to college. Those tears are simply drops of love, trying to express all the ways you have not been able to verbalize all the love you feel.

Give another hug. This year, and every year, is the best year of your life.

Photo Credit: Flickr