Christopher Hobson's Blog - Posts Tagged "older-man"
Age-gap relationships are a cultural fascination
Written by --Christopher Hobson & Grace Middelton 11/10/2022
With one article by the BBC (2022) labelling them ‘the one relationship taboo that won’t die’. A study by Banks and Arnold (2001) found both men and women were critical of age-gap dynamics, regardless of which gender is older. However, research has proven the ‘older man, younger woman’ pairing exists within all societies, past and present, and is a norm within modern-day relationships. In the US, 68% of heterosexual relationships feature an older man, while 1% of them have an age difference of 28 years or more (Lehmiller and Agnew, 2010). They are commonplace in Western societies, yet the disapproval continues. Could it be that age-gap relationships really are taboo? Or do people not see the motivations behind them?
Some argue the appeal of ‘older man, younger woman’ relationships is innate, a biological need rather than just a desire. Evolutionary psychology suggests relationships are strategies that help our rates of survival as both an individual and a species. Men’s preference for younger women has evolved to ensure the reproductive fitness of their partner, and to increase chances of fertility. Women, however, tend to pick relationships based on what can be provided by male partners. It goes to reason that older men are more likely to have shelter, food, and security than their younger counterparts. Possessing these resources proves a man’s ability to obtain and maintain a comfortable lifestyle for their significant other and any potential offspring they share (Buss and Schmitt, 1993).
Others believe this is not an evolutionary need, but a social one. Centuries of gender inequality can be seen and felt today – men are more likely to have stable jobs and stable income, while also being paid more. Younger women, particularly those who aspire to be stay-at-home mothers, may be more likely to find older partners who are more financially established. Older guys are seen to be ‘less of a risk’ than a partner their own age, who has yet to build an income or progress far into their career. The empowerment hypothesis supports this, as women with more opportunities are less likely to choose older men because they can ‘afford’ the risk of less financially stable men and have less interest in traditional gender roles (Guiliani, 2020).
Of course, not all age-gap relationships are built on factors like fertility or finances – plenty of older men seek out younger women as sexual partners due to sheer attraction. A 2020 study found that across 45 countries, men valued attractiveness and youth as one of the most important features in a partner – with many arguing younger bodies look aesthetically better during sex. Others find sex to be more adventurous and freeing with younger women – as sexual liberation has increased in recent years, younger generations are more honest about their own pleasure and are more open to experimentation (Johansson, 2020). Alternatively, young women may seek out older men to take on more of a leadership role within sex. Men with more experience are typically older, and thus know more about bodies, sex, and pleasure. One article from VICE (2018) acknowledges older men spend more time on foreplay, while simultaneously making sex less ‘goal orientated’, in turn prolonging the encounter in comparison to younger sexual partners. Sex can therefore feel more passionate and rewarding for both parties, as opposed to modern hook-up culture (Endless Feels, 2018).
Psychosocially, women are more open to sexual intimacy when their partner offers them emotional safety and maturity, something older men have tenfold. Some have theorised younger women’s desire for older men is representative of the human bi-maturation process, which sees females mature faster than males, while others just blame daddy issues (Antfolk, 2017). Either way, vulnerability and sexual intimacy with an older man makes for a killer combination, meeting both the sexual and emotional needs of his younger partner. This is an idea widely shared, clearly depicted in author Christopher Hobson’s work A Post-Apocalyptic Mutant Masquerade, where his characters Dr Matthew Becker and Jane McClain share a 12-year age-gap. Their passion and need for one another is evident, but what’s more is their repeated comfort and reassurance of one another: their emotional intimacy, in part offered by his maturity, is what maximizes their sexual intimacy.
It can be easy to read stories about Leonardo DiCaprio or watch movies like American Beauty and conclude that age-gap relationships are creepy or weird. For many of us in the US, these relationships are more than Hollywood fiction. They work for a lot of people, meeting their needs and desires whether they be having a family, financial support, or just good sex. If they’re consenting adults and everyone’s satisfied, who cares, right?
References
Antfolk, J. (2017). Age Limits. Evolutionary Psychology, [online] 15(1), p.147470491769040. doi:10.1177/1474704917690401.
Banks, C.A. and Arnold, P. (2001). Opinions Towards Sexual Partners with a Large Age Difference. Marriage & Family Review, 33(4), pp.5–18. doi:10.1300/j002v33n04_02.
BBC (2022). Age gaps: The relationship taboo that won’t die. [online] www.bbc.com. Available at: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/....
Buss, D.M. and Schmitt, D.P. (1993). Sexual Strategies Theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), pp.204–232. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.100.2.204.
Feels, E. (2018). Let’s Talk Sex: What It Really Feels Like To Have Sex With An Older Man. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@Endlessfeels/lets....
Giuliani, G. (2020). Who is older? : gender and age differences in heterosexual couples. [online] cadmus.eui.eu. Available at: https://hdl.handle.net/1814/68635.
Johansson, T.J. (2020). Why I Think Younger Women Are Better At Sex. [online] Sexography. Available at: https://medium.com/sexography/why-i-t...
Lehmiller, J. and Agnew, C. (2010). May–December Paradoxes: An Exploration of Age-Gap Relationships in Western Society. In: The Dark Side of Close Relationships II. Routledge.
VICE (2018). What Dating Older Men Taught Me About Power and Desire. [online] www.vice.com. Available at: https://www.vice.com/en/article/435xx....
With one article by the BBC (2022) labelling them ‘the one relationship taboo that won’t die’. A study by Banks and Arnold (2001) found both men and women were critical of age-gap dynamics, regardless of which gender is older. However, research has proven the ‘older man, younger woman’ pairing exists within all societies, past and present, and is a norm within modern-day relationships. In the US, 68% of heterosexual relationships feature an older man, while 1% of them have an age difference of 28 years or more (Lehmiller and Agnew, 2010). They are commonplace in Western societies, yet the disapproval continues. Could it be that age-gap relationships really are taboo? Or do people not see the motivations behind them?
Some argue the appeal of ‘older man, younger woman’ relationships is innate, a biological need rather than just a desire. Evolutionary psychology suggests relationships are strategies that help our rates of survival as both an individual and a species. Men’s preference for younger women has evolved to ensure the reproductive fitness of their partner, and to increase chances of fertility. Women, however, tend to pick relationships based on what can be provided by male partners. It goes to reason that older men are more likely to have shelter, food, and security than their younger counterparts. Possessing these resources proves a man’s ability to obtain and maintain a comfortable lifestyle for their significant other and any potential offspring they share (Buss and Schmitt, 1993).
Others believe this is not an evolutionary need, but a social one. Centuries of gender inequality can be seen and felt today – men are more likely to have stable jobs and stable income, while also being paid more. Younger women, particularly those who aspire to be stay-at-home mothers, may be more likely to find older partners who are more financially established. Older guys are seen to be ‘less of a risk’ than a partner their own age, who has yet to build an income or progress far into their career. The empowerment hypothesis supports this, as women with more opportunities are less likely to choose older men because they can ‘afford’ the risk of less financially stable men and have less interest in traditional gender roles (Guiliani, 2020).
Of course, not all age-gap relationships are built on factors like fertility or finances – plenty of older men seek out younger women as sexual partners due to sheer attraction. A 2020 study found that across 45 countries, men valued attractiveness and youth as one of the most important features in a partner – with many arguing younger bodies look aesthetically better during sex. Others find sex to be more adventurous and freeing with younger women – as sexual liberation has increased in recent years, younger generations are more honest about their own pleasure and are more open to experimentation (Johansson, 2020). Alternatively, young women may seek out older men to take on more of a leadership role within sex. Men with more experience are typically older, and thus know more about bodies, sex, and pleasure. One article from VICE (2018) acknowledges older men spend more time on foreplay, while simultaneously making sex less ‘goal orientated’, in turn prolonging the encounter in comparison to younger sexual partners. Sex can therefore feel more passionate and rewarding for both parties, as opposed to modern hook-up culture (Endless Feels, 2018).
Psychosocially, women are more open to sexual intimacy when their partner offers them emotional safety and maturity, something older men have tenfold. Some have theorised younger women’s desire for older men is representative of the human bi-maturation process, which sees females mature faster than males, while others just blame daddy issues (Antfolk, 2017). Either way, vulnerability and sexual intimacy with an older man makes for a killer combination, meeting both the sexual and emotional needs of his younger partner. This is an idea widely shared, clearly depicted in author Christopher Hobson’s work A Post-Apocalyptic Mutant Masquerade, where his characters Dr Matthew Becker and Jane McClain share a 12-year age-gap. Their passion and need for one another is evident, but what’s more is their repeated comfort and reassurance of one another: their emotional intimacy, in part offered by his maturity, is what maximizes their sexual intimacy.
It can be easy to read stories about Leonardo DiCaprio or watch movies like American Beauty and conclude that age-gap relationships are creepy or weird. For many of us in the US, these relationships are more than Hollywood fiction. They work for a lot of people, meeting their needs and desires whether they be having a family, financial support, or just good sex. If they’re consenting adults and everyone’s satisfied, who cares, right?
References
Antfolk, J. (2017). Age Limits. Evolutionary Psychology, [online] 15(1), p.147470491769040. doi:10.1177/1474704917690401.
Banks, C.A. and Arnold, P. (2001). Opinions Towards Sexual Partners with a Large Age Difference. Marriage & Family Review, 33(4), pp.5–18. doi:10.1300/j002v33n04_02.
BBC (2022). Age gaps: The relationship taboo that won’t die. [online] www.bbc.com. Available at: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/....
Buss, D.M. and Schmitt, D.P. (1993). Sexual Strategies Theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), pp.204–232. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.100.2.204.
Feels, E. (2018). Let’s Talk Sex: What It Really Feels Like To Have Sex With An Older Man. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@Endlessfeels/lets....
Giuliani, G. (2020). Who is older? : gender and age differences in heterosexual couples. [online] cadmus.eui.eu. Available at: https://hdl.handle.net/1814/68635.
Johansson, T.J. (2020). Why I Think Younger Women Are Better At Sex. [online] Sexography. Available at: https://medium.com/sexography/why-i-t...
Lehmiller, J. and Agnew, C. (2010). May–December Paradoxes: An Exploration of Age-Gap Relationships in Western Society. In: The Dark Side of Close Relationships II. Routledge.
VICE (2018). What Dating Older Men Taught Me About Power and Desire. [online] www.vice.com. Available at: https://www.vice.com/en/article/435xx....
