Drea Braddock's Blog

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. It's not being celebrated as such because 8 weeks ago we signed divorce papers (still waiting for them to be processed, so we are still legally married). I haven't publicly said anything and I don't intend to change that. My life shouldn't be fodder for gossip and I don't owe anyone details. My personal story (or some version, true or otherwise) has been shared without my permission numerous times over the last 2 years under the guise of asking for prayers for me or us, spreading gossip and sowing discord under an umbrella of false virtue. I won't be adding to those narratives. I won't be speaking ill of the person whose name I shared for half of my life. Those types of words can never be erased and we have children. I care more about them than I ever could about my reputation or others' opinions of me.

Here's what I do know: marriage is between two people and two people only. There may be friends and family who have a connection to the individuals or the couple, but the only people truly involved are the couple themselves. Personal relationships are complex and nuanced and messy, just like people are. Nothing is ever black and white. In such an insular, intimate relationship like a marriage, there are countless stories being told--what happened, each person's interpretation of what happened, how years of experiences shaped their feelings and personalities, the stories they tell themselves to feel less guilt or shame, the stories they tell others to shore up their public image, maybe the revising of history to support current feelings, and on and on. Feeling confident that you know what is going on in someone else's relationship, whether that's because you've been around them or because you've been told by half of that couple equation, is simply foolish. I have been deeply wounded by such careless assertions over the last year in particular. One thing I've taken to heart and carry with me every day is the understanding that people are going to believe what they want to believe and it's not my job to convince them otherwise, both when it comes to a marriage that in no way involved them or who I am personally. I know the truth, I know who I am, I know where my value rests, and that's enough.

Close to a year ago, I wrote about having my foundation shaken as a writer (if you're not sure what I'm talking about, you can read it here). Truth be told, I haven't recovered. I haven't written or published anything since that happened. It may seem like I stopped writing because I agree that I write pornography and I'm therefore unworthy of friendship and community and calling myself a Christian. But I categorically deny all of the things that have been said about me. I don't want to let them "win." I don't want to have given in and given up something so important to me. That wasn't my intention. Some of it was that I needed that time to grieve, needed to start to heal, needed to let go of the hurt and anger, and wasn't in a good place to be creative. Then there was the reality of simply not having time--working overnights, taking a college course, then adding the training for and working that second job, I barely have enough time to sleep let alone write. This thing I love, that fulfills me, had to take a backseat as I tried to figure out how I was going to survive.

I don't know that I have the answers any more now than I did then, but I'm doing it anyway. I've received so much hate, passive aggression, and judgment. I know the assertion is that I'm supposed to feel shame and guilt for filing for divorce, for "ruining" my family, for destroying my kids' lives, and for being selfish. I'm going to be honest, I feel none of that, only relief. I can breathe, deeply and freely. I'm not depressed or battling constant debilitating anxiety. My body is no longer in survival mode. I'm only beginning to see the breadth of what I'm capable of. Nothing about this is easy and I continue to worry every day about my children, but that's my role as a mother regardless.

This is not the life I wanted. This isn't what I dreamed of. No one wants to start at square one, at 42, after giving up their entire life to raise a family and support someone else's career. But after all of the experiences leading up to this--especially how I've been talked about, how I've been treated, what has been said within hearing of and directly to my children, the actions that were completely contrary to what was being presented--I am confident that this was the right decision. I want my kids to know that their feelings matter, they matter. I never want them to feel that they are less-than because everyone has value except them and to even consider themselves or their own well-being is selfish and wrong.

I just want you to know I'm still here. I'm here and I'm anxious to get back to it. Everett's book is about 75% done. If you want to ask the romance muses to send a little inspiration and fire my way, I wouldn't complain. I miss writing. I miss the connection with my characters and their stories and my readers. I'm ready to feel like a writer again. I hope you can continue to be patient with me as I navigate this transition and my new reality.

Recently I've heard a lot of justifications for downloading books from these alleged free sites. Can we just agree that it's stealing and be done with it?

Public libraries exist folks. Even if it's not a big-name author that your local branch is guaranteed to stock, you can request books be added to the collection or borrowed from other branches. The majority of my books are $0.99 on Amazon! AND I have a handy link, right here on my website, that allows you to join my ARC team where I will send you FREE copies of my books in exchange for reviews with your honest opinion! There is absolutely nothing you can say that will justify taking my copyrighted work, with countless hours and dollars poured into it, and uploading it to a book-pirating site. NOTHING.

I spent the last hour filing DMCA forms with google after finding FOUR of my books on such a site. I sent them the same forms and requested the removal of my property two months ago, when it was only two books uploaded, but never got a response. Right now my only recourse is to get Google to remove the link from searches, but outside of paying a lawyer to pursue the copyright infringement (something I cannot afford to do--see the above "I charge $0.99 for my books so I make no money") there's nothing else I can do but continue to lose money.

To make it clearer, one of my books has sold 39 copies. That's it. But on this site, where it can be downloaded or simply read right there on the screen, has been viewed 2,500 times! Even with making about $0.35 per book sold on Amazon, that equates to close to $900 lost. And my newer books are at a higher price-point, so even though their views are lower, they both are showing a close to $3,000 loss.

I am so upset. Upset that someone would steal from me. Upset that people think this kind of theft is ok. Upset that there isn't anything I can do to fix it. Upset that I have 5 "fans" on this site that follow my name so they can get notified when more of my books are stolen and uploaded there.

All I can do is ask, genuinely, if you use these book pirating sites, to reconsider.

I would hope an artist's time and abilities are worth something.

If you've been around, you know how passionately I feel about the genre of Romance--both reading it and writing it. In fact, I've written two other blog posts about it--"Why Romance" and "In Defense of Reading Romance and What the Fantasy Is." I'm still quite proud of them and believe fully in what I expressed.

I have found, however, that a number of people in my life who have expressed nothing but support over the year and a half of my writing career did not mean it and have spent all of that time judging me. Judging me behind my back while continuing to pretend to be supportive to my face. I imagine hearing that would have been devastating, no matter when it came up, but dealing with such a shift just before the release of what will likely be my final publication of 2022 has been incredibly difficult.

It's hard to do the necessary advertising and promotion for a book I'm very proud of when I know everything I post is being judged with my worth attached to it. I'm struggling to want to talk about "The Wrong Brother" even though I love the book so much and can't wait for readers to get their hands on it because everything has been tainted. It's almost funny because this is the very reason I held off for so long in the beginning, keeping the fact that I had written 6 books a secret. As I said in that first blog post:

"For a while, I was too scared to tell anyone. It wasn't because I wasn't proud or didn't think they were very good, though. It was because I'm so happy with the work and the end results and I simply don't have it in me to deal with anyone else's bullshit anymore. I didn't have the energy to refute the nonsense that romance isn't "real" reading or is just "mommy porn" or garbage lit. I didn't want to have to think about people looking at me differently because of what I wrote. I get preemptively angry just thinking about it. For one, I know the people that never had a problem with me reading Stephen King at 12 would 100% judge me for writing romance. Because swearing and sex is fine as long as there is also violence, death, and the absolute worst of humanity. But if you have those two things in a story about growing emotionally with someone and pushing past life's obstacles to grab your happy ending, then it's trash. Makes sense, right?"

Looks like I wasn't wrong to keep things to myself. I even debated publishing under a pen name for quite a while but was persuaded that I should be proud of my work and not hide behind a fake name. Now I wish I had gone with my first instinct.

Here's the thing: I completely understand everyone has their own comfort level. I fully support that. If my books aren't for you, no big deal. I am in no way hurt by hearing that a friend doesn't feel good reading my books, even if they're happy I've found something I enjoy doing. It's not my place to dictate what you feel comfortable reading or watching or listening to. I've also always felt it's not my place to judge you for those things. I would never discuss with other people my feelings on your personal level of sins or question your relationship with God because you watch shows on HBO that make me uncomfortable or consume a lot of media about murder, violence, and crime.

My feelings on reading and writing romance haven't changed. My personal relationship with God hasn't changed. I don't struggle with being a horrible person because I write or feel that I've abandoned reality to live in a sexualized fantasy world of literary porn that I've created. But people who have been incredibly important to me do feel that way about me.

So what do I do? I genuinely don't know. It has been presented to me that the only way I can be seen and accepted as "being on the right path" is to stop writing. And if I refuse it's not because of a difference of opinion, it's because I'm wrong and obstinate. I don't know how to hold my head high and show that I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I've published because, right now, I'm broken.

I have a book, "The Wrong Brother," coming out in a week and I love the characters and their story. I hope my readers love it too. And I hope someday soon I'll feel like I can share, even knowing what's going on around me.

As we get closer to the release date, I wanted to share the playlist from "The Wrong Brother."

These are songs mentioned in the book and/or songs I listened to while writing Rafferty and Catherine's story.

Click on over to the playlist's tab to see all the book playlists, click to listen, or use the links to connect to the songs that are mentioned in "The Wrong Brother."

Let me know what you think of this book's musical vibes!

The preorder is up and on November 25th you'll finally have Rafferty and Catherine's story! I love these two so much. They're both so tenderhearted and afraid they don't deserve each other. I hope you fall for them as hard as they do each other!

With less than a week until release day, I thought I'd share the playlist for The Wrong Sister!

This is both music that I listened to while writing and songs that fit the vibe of Mina and

Griffin.

Click on over to the playlist's tab to see all the book playlists, click to listen, or use the links to connect to the songs that are mentioned in "The Wrong Sister."

Let me know what you think of this book's musical vibes!

I bet you didn't know I have a new book coming out!

No worries, you couldn't have known because I haven't said anything! Lately, social media etc has all been too much for me, so instead, I buried myself in final edits.

No, Everett still isn't done. He's being stubborn, which is so like him, honestly!

But I am ready to release the first in my steamy rom-com duet about two sets of siblings who grew up across the street from each other in Hawai‘i.

I’m back home on O‘ahu after years away at school. I’ve got my best friend and my sister close by and my childhood dream job working for child welfare services! All my hard work has paid off and I have everything I need right here.

What I don’t need is my childhood dream guy, the literal boy next door, my best friend’s freaking brother, showing up as the lawyer I have to work with. Especially not looking as good as he does while suddenly looking at me like I’m a woman instead of some bratty kid!

Griffin may be all grown up, but at his core, he’s still the careful, dutiful guy who never saw me, but felt our families expected him to pursue my older sister. What’s the point of instant red-hot chemistry and shared passions if I’m always going to be the second choice? I’m woman enough to fight for what I want, but just once I’d like to be the one worth fighting for.

What will it take to show him that I'm not the wrong sister?

I know I say this every time, but I think this is my favorite book to date! I love Griffin and Mina, I love the sibling friendships, I love the banter and I can't wait for you to fall in love with them too!

"The Wrong Sister" releases on August 29, 2022! You can ,,pre-order the ebook now and paperbacks will be available on release day.

If you've been with me for more than a minute, you know how big music is for me. It's not just an important part of my everyday life, it's essential to my writing process. And writing "Intentional Acts of Kindness" was no different.

Music is important to Miles and it's something that he and Ivy bond over. They mention a lot of music that isn't included in the book playlist--those are songs that fit my writing vibe and inspired me. So this time, you get two! My writing playlist AND a list of the songs mentioned in the book. At least one of those doesn't seem to be available to stream anymore so that list will look a little different.

Click on over to the playlist's tab to see all the book playlists, click to listen, or use the links to connect to the songs that are mentioned in "Intentional Acts of Kindness."

Let me know what you think of this book's musical vibes!

Check out the cover of my upcoming release! I can't wait for you to meet Miles & Ivy. This was the very first thing I wrote. My first book baby. The piece of writing that kicked off my author adventure. Because of that, I’ll always love it the most. And somehow, even though I had no idea what I was doing or what was in store for me, this book was also the easiest to write. The story was just there. Miles and Ivy were there. They inhabited my dreams, talked to me throughout the day, and bothered me until I had to get them out of my head. It is the story closest to my heart and I sincerely hope you loved it as much as I do.

Chapter 1 Excerpt

Jeepers creepers, it’s him again! I dip my head down, watching through my lashes in an attempt not to be outright staring. I doubt I’m fooling anyone in this coffee line. I’ve never been this close before. Close enough to see that his fitted jeans are cuffed unevenly, not hitting the tops of his lace-up boots in the same place. I could reach out and touch the lived-in leather jacket stretching across his broad shoulders. Maybe run my fingers through those short dark curls. Except my first instinct is to wrap my arms around him protectively because it’s not his looks that first caught my attention. It was the weight that seems to be pressing down on him, curving his spine, bowing his head, rounding his shoulders inward. He seems worn out. Weary. In need of a hug. Not that I should be the one to give it to him. I have to cross my arms, though, keeping them to myself, to stop the ridiculous impulse to hug a complete stranger. Keep it together, Ivy, don’t be such a weirdo.

As the weeks go by I see him fairly regularly, from afar. Whether it’s ordering two to-go cups in the local coffee shop, The Foundry, or walking through the park bordering the hospital, that weight is ever-present and seems to be increasing. He always has the same worn paperback in his pocket with what looks like a comb as a bookmark. Why a comb? Is that good for the book? Probably not but it’s intriguing. I find myself spending far too much time wondering where he’s headed, what is making him that sad, and what the book is about. I need to get a life. It’s not that unusual for me to spend time watching someone I want to help, but without anything to indicate what he needs, this is feeling stalker-ish. Something tells me an awkward stalker is not the one thing he needs. That logic doesn’t keep me from thinking about him though. I’m calling him Weary Stranger and he’s a puzzle I can’t solve. I think about him while I walk to The Birth and Wellness Collective where I work as a doula. I ponder the source of his problems while in yoga. I wonder what I could do for him while sipping my nightly tea. I don’t know him, I have no responsibility towards him, but I can’t shake my desire to help. Maybe I could fall back on my old standby and write him a note.

I love helping people — doing small, special things to make their day. Sending anonymous cards has a special place in my heart. I’ve lost count of how many I’ve written over the years. I can struggle with sharing my feelings out loud but writing is different. I’d never been brave enough to be so honest in person. In an anonymous card, I feel free. I’ve moved beyond blank cards pilfered from the summer camp craft cabin though. 12-year-old me would be proud of how I’ve grown my hobby that started with a secret-admirer-style note to the most popular boy at camp. I wasn’t one of his groupies, but I did admire his kind nature and wrote to him to tell him I thought that was more impressive than his good looks. That note caused him to stop preening for the girls and become the kind role model the younger campers needed and gave me a way to use my quiet observations to care for others. I’m thankful I now have more options than my sub-par artwork on cheap cardstock! I found this sweet Etsy shop, Reflection Paper Crafts, that sells blank cards with gorgeous calligraphy and simple art that makes a statement. I love being able to build up a stranger inside something pretty! I have the perfect art picked out for Weary Stranger but I’m still struggling with what to say. I haven’t seen him enough to know what he needs, just that he needs something.

Burnout is REAL! Between my brain needing a full-on, all-out break and real life stressors, your girl kind of fell off the map.

I fully intended Everett's story, the final O‘ahu Naval Officers Series book, to be the next release. That was the plan. Except I cannot write. I just can't. I'm halfway through his book and needed to set it aside and let it breathe. Forcing things never works for me.

But that doesn't mean nothing good is coming up.

While I'm not ready to release Everett's book, I am ready to share the book of my heart!

"Intentional Acts of Kindness" is the first book I wrote. I love it and its characters so much! I've been anxious for you to meet them for more than a year now.

Get ready to leave sunny Hawaii for Virginia. This book has first love between a curvy doula and a tattooed artist, found family, granny curses, a feisty yoga class, and finding strength after life knocks you down.

If you've been with me a while, you know the drill: coming up we'll have a cover reveal, my book playlist, and maybe some character art before release day.

I can't wait for you to fall for Miles and Ivy!