Gretchen Lovett's Blog

Felony Melanie and the Prank War

by Douglas J. Eboch & Kris Bock

You met her in the movie Sweet Home Alabama. Now see what Melanie Smooter was like before she became hot fashion designer Melanie Carmichael.

In high school, Melanie Smooter is known as Felony Melanie, the teenage troublemaker of Pigeon Creek, Alabama. Aching to escape the boredom of small-town life, her restlessness sparks many reckless adventures. Her boyfriend, Jake, is always by her side – and the local sheriff is usually close behind.

This week, everyone in town is looking forward to the big football game against Greenville, Pigeon Creek’s hated rivals. Jake is more excited than most – as the new quarterback, he’s poised for stardom. But the lead up to the game becomes as exciting as the game itself when pranksters from Greenville steal Pigeon Creek’s pig mascot. Then Jake’s playbook goes missing, which could get him kicked off the team. Could the pranksters have stolen it as well? Melanie, Jake, and their friends embark on an undercover mission to recover the stolen mascot and find Jake’s playbook before the team is disgraced in front of the whole town.

Head back in time to the early 1990s for this laugh out loud rom com based on one of the best rom com movies of all time.

Sign up for our Rom-Com newsletter and get Felony Melanie Destroys the Moonshiner’s Cabin. These first two chapters from the novel Felony Melanie in Pageant Pandemonium stand alone as a short story. In the future, you’ll get fun content about upcoming Felony Melanie novels and other romantic comedy news and links. Or Visit the Amazon series page for Felony Melanie: Sweet Home Alabama romantic comedy novels or find the books at other E-book retailers.

Excerpt:

Oinkers wallowed in a little chicken-wire pen until it was time to run out on the field with the team or do his patented touchdown dance, the one Lurlynn had trained him to do. But now the pen was empty. The fireworks weren’t the prank, they were a distraction.

Lurlynn crouched down, hands over her cheeks. “Oh no.”

Melanie kicked at the gate post of the empty pen. Those Greenville High kids would pay for this. She’d make sure.

Jolene strode up. “You had one job!”

Lurlynn snuffled. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry won’t help us beat Greenville.”

“I was only gone for a second.”

Jolene sighed. “There’s a tree stump in my backyard with a higher IQ. If you had an idea, it would die of loneliness.”

Author Bio

Douglas J. Eboch is a screenwriter and author who wrote the original screenplay to the movie Sweet Home Alabama starring Reese Witherspoon. In his novel Totally Rad Wormhole, two nerds from the eighties accidentally open a wormhole to today, go to their high school reunion, and meet their future selves. Horrified at what they’ve become, they set out to change their fate.

His sister is the author of over 100 books under the names Kris Bock, M.M. Eboch and Chris Eboch. As Kris Bock, she writes novels of mystery, suspense, and romance, many with outdoor adventures and Southwestern landscapes. In the Accidental Detective series, a witty journalist solves mysteries in Arizona and tackles the challenges of turning fifty. This humorous series starts with Something Shady at Sunshine Haven. The Furrever Friends Sweet Romance series features the workers and customers at a small-town cat café, and the adorable cats and kittens looking for their forever homes.

Sign up for our Rom-Com newsletter and get Felony Melanie Destroys the Moonshiner’s Cabin. These first two chapters from the novel Felony Melanie in Pageant Pandemonium stand alone as a short story. In the future, you’ll get fun content about upcoming Felony Melanie novels and other romantic comedy news and links. Or Visit the Amazon series page for Felony Melanie: Sweet Home Alabama romantic comedy novels or find the books at other E-book retailers.

Visit Doug’s website or his Amazon page. Find Doug on Goodreads, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.

Visit Kris’s website, Amazon page, or her blog, the Southwest Armchair Traveler. Find Kris on BookBub,GoodReads,Facebook,Twitter, orInstagram

After a disastrous love affair, Lord Gilleasbuig was content living a life outside of London’s spotlight until a series of accidents threatened to leave his estate without an heir. Lucky for him, he had a son he could claim and protect.

After all, how difficult could it be to fetch his estranged son from an orphanage with too many children to care for?

Except, the breathtaking Miss Sadie Fields, who had cared for the child since birth, was a force to be reckoned with. She was furious at Gill for shirking his duties but he was irresistibly drawn to her fire.

Determined to prove himself a good father and win Sadie’s trust, Gill offered her a chance to continue watching over her charge. When she agreed, Gill was eager to return to his boring secluded life, but danger continued to shadow him.

As unconventional as their agreement was, he would risk disappointing his son and losing his last chance at love for a more permanent union.

Buy Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B41GZ5PS

Available in Kindle Unlimited

Electronic ISBN: 978-1-990356-08-7

Bio:

Robecca Austin is the author of happy ever after romance stories. She enjoys crafting tales of sassy heroines and passionate heroes that have a soft center.

She writes historical romance and billionaire romance stories.

You can find her outside enjoying nature and lots of sunshine when there are no bugs. When she's not writing her next novel, she's busy battling Cystic Fibrosis and hugging family. She lives and works in Canada.

Excerpt

Chapter 1

“We’re live with Wanda Blake, CEO of Romancing: The App.”

Wanda shifted in her seat, smoothing her skirt across her knees. “Hello Tonya.”

“It’s been five years since you took your company public, and you’re still on top of the dating market,” the talk show host leaned in. “What’s your secret?”

“Love,” Wanda said simply.

“Love?”

“Yes,” she went right into her elevator pitch, explaining her business model for the thousandth time. “Other apps will sell you hook ups or dates, some can even say that they will find you a life partner, but our app is the only one out there that specializes in love.”

“I think some of your competitors would disagree,” the TV personality argued.

“They would like to think they offer love,” Wanda smiled her practiced smile, “but they would be wrong. According to internal surveys, our customers said they were most likely to find physical attraction, proximity and shared ideals on Romancing: The App. Studies have been done on the mechanics of love, and what really goes into the chemistry between two people. Some of the most important factors are…” she trailed off, letting the viewing audience jump in with the answer.

“Physical attraction, proximity and shared ideals,” the TV host finished for her.

“That’s right,” Wanda punctuated the statement with a cheerful three checkmarks in the air. “Everything that science says is important to a loving relationship, Romancing: The App has to offer. We are leading in the field because we understand what people are looking for in a partner.”

“What about you?” Tonya asked. “What are you looking for in a date?”

“Of course, I’m on the app.” Wanda winked at the camera. “So you can come take a look at my profile for an introductory subscription rate of $14.99 per month.”

“There you have it folks, romance guaranteed at $14.99.” The host smiled brightly, absorbing all the attention as Wanda waved her arms in frustration.

“You can’t say it’s guaranteed,” the CEO complained.

“And we’re clear,” the producer called.

“You can’t say it’s guaranteed,” Wanda repeated herself, off the air.

“Why not?” Tonya picked at her microphone, resettling it higher on her chest.

“Because I’ll get sued,” Wanda grumbled, exasperated.

“Oh,” Tonya slumped her shoulders, deflated. “Can we redo that last scene?”

“We’re live,” the producer said.

“Can you issue a correction?” Wanda wanted to know.

“Sure thing,” the producer replied, holding a hand out to help her off stage. “Thank you so much for stopping by.”

“Thank you!” Tonya waved.

Wanda opened her arms, ignoring both of their dismissals. “What guarantee do I have?”

“We’ll issue a statement,” the producer assured her. “It’ll go at the end of the broadcast. You can check in with the control room.”

Wanda took his hand in disgust, climbing up out of her seat and off the stage. She was met by Andy, her personal assistant and Darla, her public relations specialist. “Was that okay?” She asked.

“You did great boss,” Andy said.

“Thank you,” Wanda turned on the charm.

Andy had been with her from the beginning, when Romancing was just an idea in the concept phase. Wanda had been frustrated by the lack of serious dating apps available for business professionals. She had been on Catch-a-Date and Lovvers, and found them both creepy. As soon as she posted her profile pic, dozens of guys swarmed her, offering nothing in the way of conversation. They wanted to meet her in person and told her she was ‘hot.’ She had met one young man over coffee, but he was only interested in talking about porn, so she bought her latte and left.

She reasoned that there were millions of other women out there, just like her, looking for love. Whatever shape or form that came in didn’t matter. What mattered was the feeling of belonging, the knowledge that you had met your soulmate. There was no way for a digital dating app to provide that service, until Wanda created it.

She had still been in graduate school, and after those disappointing experiences, she pivoted to take classes in human relations as well as business. She did her master’s thesis on love, and all the ways that it demonstrated itself in human society.

There was a mother’s love for her child, a brother’s love for his sister, and a friend’s love for her friend. There was love in a general sense, that led people to do good works, and there was love of home and country that inspired soldiers to join the army. But what Wanda wanted to package and sell was the most classic variety of love. Two consenting adults of any sexual orientation, skin color, national origin or political philosophy, coming together to enrich each other’s lives, that was the type of love she sought. Yes, there was often sex, but there didn’t have to be.

Wanda wanted a platform free of dick pics and sexual innuendo, where people could go to connect on a deeper level. She didn’t ban sex talk or sexting because that was an important part of most people’s love stories. But she didn’t want the hit-it-and-quit-it crowd, or those who were just interested in a few dates.

The breakthrough that she had developed went like this: if a guy was interested in a girl, he had to pass through a quiz first. The girl could ask any ten questions she wanted to. Some of them were yes or no questions, and some were short answer. Like a job application, the mere suggestion of writing turned some creeps off.

The woman could set certain questions to be make-or-break items, like smoking. If a man said that he smoked, and her preference was for a nonsmoker, the app would block his text even before he had a chance to say, ‘Hey baby, what’s up?’ It was all in the settings, and any person could set up their profile with a questionnaire filter, as long as they self-identified as female.

In the first few months after the app’s release, Wanda’s scrappy little company pushed a major social media campaign #Answerthequestion. Women everywhere posted their questions, and it was interesting to read them. There were hypotheticals: if you found $100 on the ground, what would you do? There were short answers: how many kids do you have? There were yes or no questions: do you believe in God? And there were multiple choice questions that acted almost like the SATs: you just woke up, do you a) text your mom, b) check your stocks c) grab a cup of coffee.

Over the years, they had to add features to stay relevant. The company grew from a garage band to a Fortune 500 corporation with offices in LA. At the top of her game, Wanda employed over one thousand people in five cities across the country. As they grew, they just had to keep adding departments.

Now instead of the bare bones tech team, they had development, marketing, HR, IT, the legal team, accounting, secretaries, facilities, and everything else that went with a large footprint. She insisted on keeping the family-like feel, and so each department was broken down into thirty person teams.

Wanda had never been a leader before, so she bought all the books and attended all the ‘women in power’ networking conferences. As the business grew, so did she. She was featured in all the major magazines, as one of the top women to watch in business. When she earned her first million, she bought a beach house in Malibu, and when she earned her first billion, she traded up.

Her company was her brand, so she liked to put her face out there sometimes. It was difficult when they asked her about her own love life. Despite creating a tool for other women to find happiness, Wanda had yet to discover her own.

She always thought about spending some energy tracking down a soul mate, scrolling through the millions of available men using her service, but somehow there was never time. There was always another fire that needed putting out, or a conference call or a sales meeting that she had to attend.

At first, every day was a crisis. Now that they were established, it seemed like the problems had gotten bigger. There were lawsuits in two states, people who had been injured by someone they had met. Wanda’s heart went out to them, and she wanted to split her proceeds indefinitely. But her lawyers convinced her that it was the price of business on an international scale, and that every product had its dangers.

Wanda took a deep breath as she walked past the cameras to the control room. “Excuse me,” she opened the door, distracting the half dozen technicians from their monitors.

Someone got up and hustled her out of the door. “Can I help you?”

“I just want to make sure you are going to print a message saying that Romancing: The App doesn’t guarantee love.” Wanda said.

The young man blinked at her, not following.

“I can’t guarantee love,” Wanda said again. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“That’s a shame,” he sighed. “Okay, I’ll roll it during the credits.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, feeling appeased.

“Shake it off,” Andy told her as they pushed through the sound stage door.

“I wish I could guarantee it,” Wanda said.

“I know,” Darla agreed.

“You don’t think I sounded too much like a salesperson?” Wanda worried.

“No,” Andy said quickly.

Darla frowned.

“What is it?” Wanda picked up on the other woman’s distress.

“Nothing,” Darla replied, putting her phone away.

“What?” Wanda demanded. She didn’t like secrets at work, they always spelled trouble.

“The Kiss Me App is being featured on TV21,” Darla divulged.

“Right now?” Wanda gasped.

“Yes,” Darla cringed, as if afraid of retribution.

“Let me see,” Wanda held her hand out for the phone.

Darla passed it over, shooting an apologetic glance at Andy. Wanda saw it but ignored it. TV21 was an online channel that often showcased tech inventions before they rose to prominence. They had introduced the world to the hairbrush light and the She-runner, a robot designed to clean shoes. Was it a coincidence that they were running a spot on the world’s worst dating app at the same time that Wanda was on TV?

Kiss Me was branded as the ‘anti Romancing.’ Who needs romance? Kiss me. was their slogan. Wanda had poured so much of her heart and soul into development and marketing of the product. She really felt like she was offering something important to the dating scene, like she was changing lives for the better. Kiss Me was a kick in the pants, and she would have loved to see it crash and burn.

She tried not to be jealous, but it was hard. The world likes an underdog, and she was too well established by this time to be the underdog. It seemed like all of Wall Street was rooting for Kiss Me to overtake her. She did her best not to let it get to her, but sometimes she let herself wallow in jealousy.

“Of course they’re on the air at the same time we are,” she grumbled.

“No one watches TV21,” Andy assured her.

Wanda sighed, reaching the elevator and pressing the button. “I love you Andy,” she said, only half joking.

Buy now Romancing The App: A Romance Novel (The Creative Billionaires Book 2) - Kindle edition by Lovett, Gretchen. Literature & Fiction Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

Linky List

Let me take you to New Zealand

I’m happy to share with you another story which is set in NZ.

If you love Australian / New Zealand romance, be sure to get your copy today!

About ,IN THE SHADOWS OF A LIE

The discovery of her mother’s diaries unravels a secret which sends Lani on a journey to New Zealand …

She lost her mother in an accident. Now, Lani Dekker is determined to meet the man who, according to her mother’s diaries, is her father. He’s not what she expected, a bit on the extravagant side, but she soon warms up to him, thanks no less to Dylan, her father’s neighbor. Despite her attraction to Dylan, she can’t figure out whether he’s a friend or foe.

Dylan Harper is merely going through the daily motions after his wife died in a ski crash. That is, until his life is turned upside down by the arrival of his neighbor’s daughter. Their attraction is instant, even more so when they wake up in the same bed after an earthquake. However, it’s her accusation that his interest in her involves her father’s money rather than their mutual magnetism that derails their newfound bond.

Will finding the truth about her parents be a chance for Lani and Dylan to overcome their differences?

Get your copy of ,IN THE SHADOWS OF A LIE today on ,Amazon

What reviewers say about the story:

5 stars:

A beautiful plot line with very emotional characters. The path to love is difficult and has lot of interesting turns for the characters. Loved the book and the leads.

5 stars:

Heartwarming story about love, forgiveness and acceptance. Lani's grieving her mother's death and trying to cope, when her grandpa opens up and tells her about an untruth, lie. She finds her lost father, unbeknownst to him he even has a daughter. Toby, Lani's birth father, never married or loved another woman after her mother. Toby's neighbor, Dylan, and long time friend had lost his wife after only 2 years of marriage and he is still missing her when Dylan finds Lani in the stairwell of Toby's home. Lani's mother's belief in memories and forgiveness helps Lani move on in forgiveness toward her Grandpa, accepting and loving her Dad, Toby and loving Dylan for who he is.

Add ,IN THE SHADOWS OF A LIE to your Goodreads TBR !

Where to find Iris:

Newsletter: ,http://eepurl.com/bQ68rL

Website ,http://www.irisblobel.com/

Blog ,http://www.irisblobel.com/blog

Twitter ,https://twitter.com/_iris_b

Facebook ,https://www.facebook.com/IrisBlobel

Goodreads ,https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4067254.Iris_Blobel

Amazon Author Page ,https://www.amazon.com/Iris-Blobel/e/B00FNFP3LI/

Other Online Bookstores,https://books2read.com/irisblobel

Shy and serious by day—insatiable by night.

During the day, Miranda Cahill works diligently on her doctoral thesis. At night, she has sex with strangers.

Public coupling, multiple partners, age play, spankings, bondage, lesbian lust—each salacious adventure exposes new dimensions of her depravity. Her secret life explodes when she realizes her masked partner at a kink club and the charismatic colleague courting her are in fact the same man.

Dickens scholar Mark Anderson seems like an affable, uncomplicated Midwesterner, but he has hidden depths, myriad talents, and an unlimited appetite for erotic variety. With Mark as her guide, Miranda comes to accept the intricacy of her own desires, as well as to trust her heart.

Reader Advisory: This novel is an erotic romance featuring a committed relationship and culminating in a wedding. Nevertheless, the main characters participate in a wide range of taboo sexual activities, both together and separately.

Review Quotes

“…brings a fabulous level of intensity and sensuality to the reader.” ~ Dawnie, Fallen Angels Reviews (5 Angels)

“Sarai skillfully combines the present day storyline with some tantalizing Victorian history. This book is well researched, erudite, well plotted and very sexy. Highly recommended.” ~ Emma K., Amazon (5 stars)

"Truly a buffet of pleasures, with something for everyone. There's the enjoyment of piecing together the mirroring, multi-layered narratives. Historical and literary echoes provide extra spice for the careful reader—in particular Shakespeare fans might enjoy the parallels to Miranda in The Tempest—all sweetened with abundant humor and clever feminist twists. Always you'll find masterful prose in sizzling erotic scenes that offer flavors to please any palate. And last but not least, the novel will change your view of the world in surprising ways." Donna George Story, Erotica Readers and Writers Association.

Incognito New Release Giveaway

Win a $10 bookstore GC or free books in my INCOGNITO giveaway. Contest runs from June 1 to June 15.

To enter, do any or all of the following. (Each action is one entry.)

o Join my VIP email list: https://btn.ymlp.com/xgjjhmhugmgh

o Follow me on BookBub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/lisabet-sarai

o Email me, telling me what book of mine you’d like to read: contest@lisabetsarai.com

On June 16th, I will randomly select one grand-prize winner who’ll get a $10 gift certificate, plus two runner-ups who can choose any ebook from my indie back list.

About Lisabet

Lisabet Sarai became addicted to words at an early age. She began reading when she was four. She wrote her first story at five years old and her first poem at seven. Since then, she has written plays, tutorials, scholarly articles, marketing brochures, software specifications, self-help books, press releases, a five-hundred page dissertation, and lots of erotica and erotic romance – over one hundred titles, and counting, in nearly every sub-genre—paranormal, scifi, ménage, BDSM, GLBT, and more. Regardless of the genre, every one of her stories illustrates her motto: Imagination is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

You’ll find information and excerpts from all Lisabet’s books on her website (http://www.lisabetsarai.com/books.html), along with more than fifty free stories and lots more. At her blog Beyond Romance (http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com), she shares her philosophy and her news and hosts lots of other great authors. She’s also on Goodreads, Pinterest, and Twitter. Join her VIP email list here: https://btn.ymlp.com/xgjjhmhugmgh

Buy Links

Kinky Literature: https://www.kinkyliterature.com/book/362-incognito-secret-lives-forbidden-loves

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B1N7CTMQ

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0B1N7CTMQ

Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/2940165857058

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1147874

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/incognito-secret-lives-forbidden-loves

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61138791-incognito

Child of Mine

The Masonville Series Book 1

Is Lauren’s love for Cole stronger than her fear of scandal in her hometown?

Lauren didn't intend to sleep with her brother-in-law Cole on the day of her husband's funeral. But now that she is pregnant, she's not sorry. Cole's given her a baby, a long-wished-for miracle. He's been her friend forever, though she never told him or anyone else how unhappy her marriage to his cheating brother was. And she's afraid to tell the small town that considered her husband a hero that the baby isn't his.

Cole's been in love with Lauren since he was sixteen. It kills him that everyone believes the baby is his dead brother's. All he wants is to claim the baby, and Lauren, as his own. Though she marries him, will Lauren's heart ever be his?

Lauren must tell the truth or risk losing Cole. Is her newly-discovered love for him greater than her fear of scandal in her hometown?

**On Sale at Amazon for .99cents until May 20!!**

Add to Goodreads

Amazon * Apple * B&N * Google * Kobo * TheWildRosePress

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43517277-child-of-mine

Buy Links

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Child-Mine-Masonville-Book-1-ebook/dp/B07MBVK9LY

Apple: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/child-of-mine/id1449022684

B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/child-of-mine-jana-richards/1130197427

Google: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Jana_Richards_Child_of_Mine?id=4WGHDwAAQBAJ

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/child-of-mine-16

The Wild Rose Press: https://www.thewildrosepress.com/books/child-of-mine-the-masonville-series-book-1

“You mean everything to me. I love you.”

She shook her head. “You don’t love me, not really. I’m nothing more than a responsibility to you.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel.” Desperation turned to anger in a flash. Cole jumped to his feet and began to pace. “I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen years old, but you never saw me, not really. You only had eyes for Billy. It nearly killed me when you married him, but I stuffed down my anger and hurt and congratulated both of you, because really, what else could I do?”

“No, that can’t be true.”

“It’s true, all right. I wish to God it wasn’t. I tried to push away my feelings for you, tried to love other women, but none of them were you. None of them compared to you. I thought I’d get over you, but I never did.”

Her eyes were wide with shock. “Cole—”

“Billy guessed the truth. I found out he’d been cheating on you, and I confronted him. We had a huge fight, beat each other till we were both bloody. He told me I was jealous because you’d rejected me. He said you’d never want me, that you’d always be tied to him, no matter what happened. And he was right.” He gave a bark of mirthless laughter. “He’s dead and he still comes between us.”

I can't say enough about The Lost City. It is kind of like Romancing the Stone, in that the main character is a romance novelist. She's super successful, which is wonderful for her, and yet she indulges in many familiar quirks like reading negative reviews and finishing off a chapter abruptly because she can't think of anything else to write. She doesn't like promoting the book (no surprise there) and even though she has millions of fans, she feels like she's writing garbage-fluff.

She spends half the movie in a sequined outfit which was supposed to be some kind of publicity thing. I'm not sure about that. They used it to get out of a sticky situation, so it did serve a purpose.

Daniel Radcliffe was the villain, and he gave the best performance of all! He was a love-to-hate character with a sparkling wit and an evil British accent. So perfect.

The other thing that was cool was that there was a sort of role reversal of the helpless bimbo character. In this case, Channing Tatum was the eye candy instead of Sandra Bullock, and she was the one who was leading the charge.

Ten stars out of five. I definitely recommend seeing it.

Attention all start up nonprofits, labors of love and wonderful folks out there in the community doing the real work...

I hear you! You're working from sun up to sun down, with no vacation. You're undergoing treatment for cancer, your kids are acting up, you're taking care of your sick parents, and at the same time you're starting something out of this world important. You want to help people, and you need money.

I want to help you too, but unfortunately, I have my own hustle. I hate saying no, but I just don't have the energy to accept every job I'm offered (grateful for that statement). Here are a few things I think might help you get out of the gate.

Start small. Don't go for the half million dollar government grant right away. You won't get it. They're looking for experience and they want to know that the people they fund have a track record of dealing with large funding streams. Expect to spend up to one hour per day researching grants. Unless you have the money to pay someone else to do this, finding a grant that fits your organization is hands down the hardest part of the job. Read the fine print. Everyone has their own particular passion that they're interested in funding. Some ask for a 501c3, some don't. Some are limited to a particular region of the country, a particular state or even a particular city. Some want to fund women of color, some are looking for artists, others only deal with children. When I do grant research, I look for red flags, any reason the funder might not be interested in my client. Only after I do a thorough search of the website and come back to look a second time do I decide that it might be worth applying. Keep lists. This will save you time. If you've figured out that a certain funding organization isn't going to work, and then put that on a list, it will save you from having to revisit the website the next time a well-meaning friend says, "I heard that so and so is giving out grants." Pay your grant writers. Unless you're hiring your life partner, you need to pay the person who is writing for you. Pay them a good wage. It's just kind. Be prepared for rejection. You will get rejected a lot. For every twenty applications you send, you can expect to get one grant. Try not to let it bother you. It's a crowded field and everybody wants money. If you want some support when that perfect funder said no, try searching #amquerying on Twitter. Lots of folks there know all about it. Be prepared to be approved. The worst thing you can do when someone says yes is be unprepared to manage the money. You have to hit the ground running. You have to do all of the things you said you were going to do. If you can't, you need to hire someone who can. You have to communicate with the funder and send them regular reports. Remember, you're not only helping your clients, but you're also proving to the NEXT funder that you can be trusted. The next one will be easier.

Good luck out there! I have to get back to work. xxoo

I avoided this topic for so many years because I didn't want to admit that I was a loser. But hey, I'm pissed and hurt, and I need to find a way to deal. So here are some resources that I've found to help me.

Listen to/watch stories about people who have it worse

I don't know what the science is behind trash television, but I know it works. Maybe its mean to take pleasure in watching other people struggle, but sometimes nothing else will make my comparatively minor failures fade into the background. Some of my favorites are:

Hoarders - I'm not Martha Stewart, but I don't have dead cats in my house. I'm betting you don't either. My 600lb Life - I am definitely overweight, but I can still take a shower. Support groups - if you have an alcohol problem, a rare disease or a death in the family, attending support groups is a great way to put your problems in perspective. Fair Game Podcas t - I may feel trapped in my life, but there isn't an entire billion-dollar international organization dedicated to keeping me in my place. I'm not in a cult. I know that because I can surf the internet and I'm allowed to talk to whoever I want to talk to.Reach out.

I started writing letters to celebrities whenever I got a particularly painful rejection. One time, I received a reply.

Also noncelebrities who care about you will be able to help. Your spouse/children/parents may be helpful. But PLEASE! If you are trying to make a writer feel better about rejection, do NOT bring up JK Rowling or anyone else who was rejected like twice before making millions of dollars.

Watch videos about taking criticism

Hillary Clinton has a Masterclass which I am enjoying. One of the videos is exactly about this topic. She should know all about being rejected and personally attacked. Her point is that you just can't afford to take it personally.

Other links include:

Dealing with Criticism - YouTube

3 Questions to Help You Not Take Things Personally | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network - YouTube

4 Ways to Stop an Anxiety Spiral | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network - YouTube

Brag about it!

Everyone has haters! The only way to avoid rejection is to not put yourself out there! You're doing great! So what, you haven't landed an agent yet. There are billions of people out there who haven't written one novel. To purge my own demons, here is the nastiest rejection I have received recently:

My friend Candace Wilson created this lovely apron for me. I want to encourage you all to reach out to her and support her growing business. Here is an excerpt from an interview I did with her during 2020.

April 13, 2020

Candace is a brilliant seamstress, and it is widely known that medical facilities were running low on protective gear. "When I went to deliver the masks, I couldn’t get in." She said. "They had a table in the foyer, and I had to leave the masks there. They wouldn’t even open the door for me.”

The director of her mother's nursing home reached out to Candace to ask her if she could sew some masks. Candace paused so long that the director had to ask if she was still on the phone. Candace held her breath, looked up to the ceiling and decided that God wanted her to put her anger aside. She agreed to make the masks out of whatever scraps she had at home. She made two dozen beautifully stitched face covers and delivered them to the center. They wouldn’t let her see her mother. They wouldn’t even let her in to the front desk. She had to leave the box on a table in the foyer, turn around and drive back home.

May 11, 2020

Candace wants to talk about her sewing projects. She used to have a business, where she made many different items from bags to dresses to shirts. She used to cook a big meal and invite friends and families over on Sundays to eat and peruse the merchandise. Then her father died, and her brother died, and her energy for her business dried up. She’d like to start it again, or have a little shop, like a coffee shop. She’s so creative and brilliant with a sewing machine.

In this time of coronavirus, she’s been making masks and donating them to businesses in need. One particular business, a restaurant near the Pennsylvania/Delaware border, received her most recent donation.

“When I was working at NEM (Nonprofit employer), I used to patronize their business for school events, you know, order platters of chicken and sandwiches. It brought them a lot of revenue. Afterwards, I used to order lunch and they would never let me pay for it.” She laughs. “The owner told me he needed masks for his employees, so I made a dozen. He asked me how much I wanted for them, and I said, please.” I imagine her holding up a hand to halt the subject of money.

Get in touch with Candace to order your own handmade goods and decor (including masks)!

Phone: 302-587-8624

email: cjwzm53@gmail.com