Kerry Kriseman's Blog

Memory is a complex, fascinating landscape that holds the essence of our personal narratives. Whether you're writing a memoir or simply exploring your personal history, retrieving memories can be both challenging and profoundly rewarding.

The Science of Memory Retrieval
Memories aren't static recordings but dynamic, reconstructive experiences. They're influenced by emotions, sensory triggers, and psychological states. Understanding this can transform how we approach memory exploration.

Powerful Memory Retrieval Techniques
1. Sensory Triggers: Your Memory's Secret Weapon
Memories often hide in sensory experiences. A specific scent, song, or texture can instantly transport you decades back. Try these strategies:

Create a "memory scent box" with meaningful fragrances

Build decade-specific music playlists

Organize and annotate old photographs

2. Structured Memory Journaling
Provocative prompts can unlock forgotten experiences:

"What was my first moment of genuine independence?"

"Describe a time I felt truly vulnerable"

"Recall a moment that changed my perspective"

3. Collaborative Memory Recovery
Family members can be invaluable memory partners:

Conduct oral history interviews

Cross-reference personal memories

Create a shared family memory document

Technology Meets Memory
Modern technology offers unique memory retrieval tools:

Review old emails

Check social media historical posts

Examine digital photo libraries

Use smartphone location history

Practical Implementation
Memory Exploration Strategy
Dedicate 30 minutes weekly to memory work

Create a distraction-free environment

Maintain a dedicated memory journal

Practice patience and self-compassion

Caution and Self-Care
Memory retrieval can be emotionally intense. If you experience:

Persistent negative feelings

Emotional overwhelm

Traumatic memory resurfacing

Consider consulting a professional therapist.

Final Thoughts
Your memories are a treasure—complex, layered, and deeply personal. The journey of remembering is as important as the memories themselves.

In the increasingly competitive world of publishing, authors must have a comprehensive marketing plan to stand out and reach their target audiences. Effective book marketing goes beyond writing a compelling story; it involves creating an author platform, building a strong online presence, and engaging with readers.

Since publishing Accidental First Lady in 2021, I’ve implemented strategies and techniques to market my book that have procured sales and opportunities to speak about my writing, publishing path, and life as a 22-year political spouse.

Promoting oneself can be an awkward exercise. For some authors, sharing themselves through their words is grueling and exhausting. By the time their book hits shelves, they’re often tired or perplexed as to how to shift gears into marketing. Any successful book marketing strategy must begin before a book is published. I’m unashamed to admit I didn’t know that, and at first, chose to go it alone. Thanks to the kindness of the local author community, and my hard work learning about available resources and promoting myself, I surpassed my goals and maximized my book's potential.

Here's what I’ve learned. Try some or all and see what fits your personal style of author marketing.

1.    Develop a Compelling Author Brand: Building a strong author brand is crucial for gaining recognition and attracting readers. Start by defining your unique selling proposition (USP) and crafting a compelling author bio that resonates with your target audience.

2.    Create an Engaging Online Presence: Establishing a robust online presence is essential for connecting with readers and building a dedicated fan base. Social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn are ideal spaces to engage with your audience, share book updates, and offer valuable content related to your writing. Regularly post relevant and engaging content, including snippets from your book, behind-the-scenes insights, and author interviews, to create a sense of anticipation and build a community around your work.

3.    Leverage Book Launch Strategies: A well-executed book launch can generate significant buzz and propel your book to success. Plan your launch strategy well in advance by organizing virtual or physical launch events, collaborating with influencers or book bloggers, and offering exclusive pre-order bonuses. Leverage the power of email marketing by building an email list of interested readers and sending out tailored newsletters with updates, sneak peeks, and exclusive offers.

4.    Engage with Book Reviewers and Influencers: Positive reviews and endorsements from reputable book reviewers and influencers can greatly enhance your book's visibility and credibility. Research and reach out to relevant book bloggers, podcasters, and social media influencers in your genre to request reviews or interviews. Offer them a complimentary copy of your book in exchange for an honest review or a feature on their platform. These reviews and endorsements can significantly expand your book's reach and attract new readers.

5.    Harness the Potential of Book Blog Tours: Book blog tours are an effective way to garner attention and generate buzz around your book. Collaborate with tour organizers who specialize in connecting authors with book bloggers in your genre. Arrange for your book to be featured on various blogs over a specific period, ensuring that each blog post includes enticing excerpts, author interviews, or guest articles. This coordinated effort can expose your book to new audiences and drive traffic to your website or sales pages.

6.    Cultivate Relationships with Readers: Engaging with readers is crucial for building long-term relationships and fostering a loyal fan base. Respond to reader comments and messages on social media, host virtual Q&A sessions or book clubs, and consider participating in literary events, conferences, or book signings. Show genuine appreciation for your readers' support by offering exclusive content, sneak peeks of upcoming projects, or even personalized giveaways.

Conclusion: In the competitive landscape of book publishing, effective marketing strategies are essential for authors seeking to maximize their book's potential. By using all or just a few of these strategies, authors can create a powerful marketing campaign that drives visibility, boosts sales, and establishes a loyal readership. Consistent implementation of these strategies can pave the way for long-term success. If you’d like to learn more, my Book Marketing Guide offers easy-to-implement strategies on how to get started marketing your book.

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Book marketing plays a vital role in an author’s success. Whether you’re a published author, thinking about writing a book, or you know someone who just published for the first time, I have something for you.

Many new authors have asked me how I marketed my book, Accidental First Lady. Before publishing, I hadn’t considered what happens next. I’ve enjoyed post-publishing life, and I’m grateful for each and every interview, speaking engagement, follower and reader.

I believe that as a community we should help one another when possible.

I haven’t forgotten the day a local author reached out to me with an offer to meet for coffee and share book marketing tips. I’ve written professionally for 30 years, but my experience as a public relations manager and communicator left me largely clueless about book marketing.

 

Every new author has a few lessons to learn. Despite the early mistake I made of not marketing my book before it was published, I’ve sold more books than what the Internet states is the maximum number of lifetime sales for an independent author.

Success isn’t only about book sales, however. I’ve been on television, interviewed on podcasts and in local print and online publications, attended book fairs throughout Florida, spoken to organizations, and been the guest author at book clubs.

Still, I wish I could go back to six months before I woke up on Oct. 29, 2021. That was my “pub day,” as authors affectionately refer to the day their book is live. Emails and social media posts congratulated me on publishing Accidental First Lady. I’ll certainly never delete the text I received of a screen shot showing my book ranked #1 in “women’s political biographies” the day it debuted on Amazon.

 

My husband was in the sunset of his 8-year term as mayor, and my book was about my life as a 22-year political spouse. I’d already written the articles in my head, anticipating how the media might frame my book as a “tell-all from the mayor’s wife.” Thankfully, that didn’t happen, but I quickly learned that keeping quiet about my impending book launch didn’t do me any favors.

When I approached out-of-state bookstores about hosting author events, it was too late. They often schedule book launch events 3-6 months before they hit the shelves. That was my first lesson. Since publishing, I’ve learned more about book marketing.

Consider this our virtual coffee date. Grab your favorite beverage - mine will always be a homemade double espresso oat milk latte - and check out my easy-to-implement book marketing tips. If you like what you read, purchase my Book Marketing Guide and start your book marketing journey today.

 

Traditions are as diverse as families that create them, but many can agree they’re born out of a sense of pride. Years in the making, carefully crafted, and uniquely curated, family traditions transcend generations. Whether it’s passing down favorite recipes, celebrating holidays a certain way, or even instilling a strong work ethic, traditions have the power to shape who we become.

In my family, the tradition of entrepreneurship emerged from a love for animals and a desire to formulate the best pet shampoo on the market. In a 10’x20’ canning room adjacent to the patio at my father’s 1950s boyhood home, my Uncle Gene Kennedy, a chemist, and my father, Fred Nicolosi, a creative entrepreneur, formulated Kenic Pet Products’ first product: Pink Pup Shampoo. The labeling of 1960s-era, retro-styled bottle featured a perfectly coiffed prissy-looking poodle. My father thought “pet shampoo shouldn’t only smell good, but it should work good, too.” That statement was printed on the label, a slogan of sorts. I would’ve substituted the former “good” with “well,” but grammarians they weren’t.

Dad and Uncle Gene were creative. Dad saw a way to serve people who love their pets, a move that was affirmed during the recession in the 1970s when Dad declared that when money is scarce, people will take care of the pets before they care for themselves. He was right. The pet products industry is a recession-proof business, as evidenced by the abundance of products available for pets, from strollers, clothes, raw food, beds, personalized leashes and collars and more.

Uncle Gene continued his career in the chemical industry while my dad expanded Kenic from that tiny room to a 2,000 square-foot office on Emerson Avenue South. Back then, the rent was cheap enough for a new business owner to have a chance at making it.

By the early 1980’s, Kenic was offering a variety of shampoos for different pet needs, as well as flea sprays and pet colognes. The headquarters had moved a few blocks north to a moderately sized, but larger building in what is now the St. Petersburg’s Warehouse Arts District, a popular neighborhood of craft breweries, antique shops, and restaurants.

By the time my brother Steve and I were tapped to be Kenic’s newest summer employees, headquarters had moved yet again to the last space it would occupy in St. Pete: a 5000-square-foot building just a couple of blocks from its previous site. For Steve and me, working summers at Kenic was our family’s tradition. I don’t remember being given the choice to work summers in the family business, but I do remember the smells, sights and sweat. The distinctive smell of screen-printing ink reminds me of stacking towers of freshly printed shampoo bottles as high as someone who’s 5’5” can. I detest black licorice, but obviously not everyone does, as Kenic’s flea-rid shampoo has always been a bestseller. As I packed boxes for shipping, I’d daydream about how the second floor of the warehouse, used for storing all sizes of carboard boxes that we all took turns building, could also be used as a living space.

Today, there are artists who call the Warehouse District home. They create and live in the same space. Was I prolific, or merely passing time while doing rote work?

Dad forbade us from being close enough to the flea dip, which had powerful chemicals that could harm our skin. But we learned every other aspect of the pet product manufacturing process. Whomever got the task of filling shampoo bottles also got an additional break from standing on the concrete floors. Our fingers bore calluses from capping thousands of bottles, as we wiped sweat from our brows. The box fans only worked so well. This was summer in Florida in an unairconditioned warehouse.

For five summers, I worked at Kenic, earning the same pay as the “real staffers” while my friends hung out at the beach, played video games, or waited for the premiere of the newest MTV video. There was no interview process, yet we were employees, just like the guys who’d showed up at my dad’s warehouse, willing to trade Michigan winters for Florida heat, for the promise of a job. I took direction from the 20-something male warehouse managers that my dad felt comfortable having work alongside his teenage daughter.

My teenage intellect didn’t permit me to understand the life lessons gained from having a summer job, much less working in a family business. My dad instructed my brother and me to work for what you wanted, know the value of earning your own money, and appreciate the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.

Today’s parents might scoff at the idea of their children spending summers on their feet, punching a timeclock, and sweating in a warehouse with people they hardly know. These experiences didn’t improve our SAT scores, but Steve and I learned incomparable life lessons. Humility and hard work are rarely learned inside a classroom. This doesn’t underscore the importance of education, but reinforces the value of diverse life experiences, hard work, and the true meaning of sweat equity.

Although I worked 40-hour weeks, I was able to spend time with friends in the evenings and on the weekends. I missed beach days and left sleepovers early to be at work, but my bank account looked a lot different than theirs. Money isn’t the only measure of achievement, but I’ll never forget how I felt at 17 when I bought my own round-trip plane ticket to visit my cousins in New Jersey. That summer of 1985 before my senior year of high school was my last as a Kenic employee. I may have felt like the odd teen out, working full-time during summer, but those days sweating in the warehouse, learning to have a good relationship with people from diverse backgrounds, and respecting the value of all types of jobs, taught me that there is dignity in work. We accomplish. We connect. We create. We contribute.

Not all families are meant to work together. And frankly, not all should. I’m blessed that my first boss was my dad, who had the foresight to provide my brother and me with an opportunity to share his life’s work. Steve and I learned that being the bosses’ kid doesn’t mean you start at a desk in an air-conditioned office. Dad was an admitted workaholic, and I think having us near him in the warehouse while he cultivated new business from his air-conditioned office was a way to keep us close. Work was his love language, yet he trusted us to execute tasks that contributed to his success.

Kenic Pet Products is now Glo-Marr Products. In the early 1990s, Dad traded sunshine for bourbon when he moved the headquarters to its present 65,000-sqaure-foot plant in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. The same family-centered principles endure as Team Glo-Marr creates, produces and ships pet products worldwide.

The family tradition of arduous work and entrepreneurship continues. Steve and my stepsister Dawn now run the business. Just a few summers ago, my son Samuel spent the summer after 9th grade working for Glomarr. Much has changed since I worked for Dad in the 1980s. Production is automated. Big-Ass fans have replaced the K-Mart box fans, creating a more comfortable environment. But when Samuel showed up for his first day of work, he was promptly given the same task I started with: making boxes.

 

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As presented to Pinellas County High School Students in the Take Stock in Children Mentoring Program
May 15, 2020

Charitable nonprofits embody the best of America. They provide a way for people to work together for the common good, transforming shared beliefs and hopes into action. They give shape to our boldest dreams, highest ideals, and noblest causes. There are 1.3 million nonprofits whose mission it is to feed, heal, shelter, educate, inspire, enlighten, and nurture people of every age, gender, race, and socioeconomic status. Non-profit organizations foster civic engagement and leadership, drive economic growth, and strengthen the fabric of our communities.

A few well-known non-profit organizations include Habitat for Humanity, Red Cross, and United Way. Each of these has offices locally. These are the large non-profits, ones that often are recipients of greater funding merely because of the magnitude of their reach, the number of varied services offered and the capacity to staff thousands across the country.

Many who work in the non-profit industry found their way there because of their innate desire to help others. Many professions allow us to improve the lives of others by virtue of the tasks required to do the job. Some that come to mind are nurses, doctors, fire fighters, police officers, mental health counselors and teachers. I didn’t envision a career in the non-profit arts industry when I accepted my diploma from University of South Florida. My degree in broadcast news meant that I’d demonstrated proficiency in writing, film editing, interviewing and some of the laws regarding ethics of news reporting. I worked in the newsroom at the St. Petersburg Times (now Tampa Bay Times) throughout college, then joined their Marketing department as a copywriter and designer. Five years post-graduation, I had my first child, and five years after that adopted our second child.

After a 10-year career hiatus to be home with our children while they were young, I was offered a part-time position at Creative Clay. My husband and I were “friends” of Creative Clay. We knew their executive director and director of development. We attended their fundraisers and supported them by purchasing the art created by their member artists. This was a new venture for me. I always joked that I was the ONLY person working there who didn’t have some type of arts background and who wasn’t an artist. I struggle with stick figures and poster board writing. Seriously, I do.

Despite not being employed outside the home for 10 years, I’d spent my time as an at-home parent also volunteering. I was a member of the Junior League of St. Petersburg for 10 years and chaired six committees and sat on their board of directors three times. I also served on the boards of Great Explorations Children’s Museum and Family Service Centers. I now serve on the board of the First Tee of St. Petersburg. Even though my experience with arts nonprofits was nil, I was familiar with the functions of non-profits and how they operate.

In September 2020, I celebrate my 12th anniversary with Creative Clay. Throughout the years, my role has evolved and as anyone who works in the industry will tell you, we wear many hats. We may have one title, but many roles. My title is Public Relations Manager and Grant Writer, but I am an advocate first. In any job, but especially the non-profit industry, advocacy is job number one. The organization that you have chosen to work for is one whose primary goal is to help. And, because it is a non-profit, the funds needed to sustain daily operations and effectively serve clients are derived from the generosity of the community. Businesses, other funding organizations and individuals all support non-profits. Creative Clay’s mission is to help people with disabilities achieve full and inclusive lives through access to the arts by providing expressive, educational and vocational experiences.

Creative Clay’s core program is its Community Arts Program, which serves 50-60 adult artists with neuro-differences each week. Creative Clay also offers additional programs, such as the inclusive Art Around the World summer camp for older teens and young adults, Artlink employment program, Creative Care Arts in Wellness outreach program, and its Pinellas County Schools’ partnership Transition program. Creative Clay’s programming allows individuals of all ages and abilities are mentored, taught and empowered to become working artists who actively create, market and sell their work. The end result is that a formerly stigmatized population, through the art it creates and sells, demystifies stereotypes surrounding those with disabilities and creates a culture of acceptance throughout the community.

There are many careers in the non-profit arts industry:

Teachers – if you have a degree in art and/or art instruction, you can teach one of the many classes offered to individuals who desire instruction. Other local arts organizations such as Morean Arts Center, PARC, Pyramid Art Center and the James Museum employ teachers, either for daily programming, evening and weekend classes and summer camp.

Development/Fundraising – Nearly every non-profit will have one or more individuals responsible for fundraising. As I mentioned above, non-profits rely on the generosity of the local community and beyond to keep their doors open. A development officer or development director is someone whose job it is to cultivate relationships within the community by sharing the organization’s vision and mission, introducing potential donors to the organization through tours and meeting the population served by the organization and positively influencing them so that they will consider donating to your organization, event or endowment fund.

Marketing – This is the team, or in my case the person, who is responsible for communicating the messaging about the organization with public. Some of the responsibilities of the marketing staff include: website management and updates, social media communications, writing and disseminating press releases about events, news, accomplishments and awards, writing industry articles, writing local articles to be considered for publication in smaller, local newspapers.

Curator/Director of Exhibitions – Often and art organization serves individuals who create art as a result of the education and mentoring received as a result of attending the programs. In this case, the art organization, like Creative Clay, will have its own gallery. Creative Clay’s Good Folk Gallery has bi-monthly exhibitions of artists’ work, curated by our Exhibitions Director. All work is for sale, with the artists receiving 50% commission. By virtue of their vision and mission, not all arts organizations will employ this position, but it is one that is available through a career in the non-profit arts industry.

Human Resources – all businesses should have an individual or department that sets and maintains company policies and standards of operation, as well as handle employee issues. This is another career opportunity in the arts industry.

Grant Writer – This is one position that often works in tandem with the CEO and/or Development Director, as the goal is to raise funds. Grants are written for as little as $250.00 up to $300,000 or more, and to local funding sources, private family foundations, governmental entities like the City of St. Petersburg and to other supporting organizations that distribute funds to a variety of non-profits serving other populations such as domestic violence victims, those suffering from food insecurity and poverty and homeless animals.

CEO/Executive Director – Every non-profit arts organization employs someone in this capacity. This is the company’s leader, the one who reports to the board of directors. The CEO manages the day-to-day operations and oversees strategic planning, fundraising and every facet of the business. In the arts industry, having an arts background is not a prerequisite for becoming the CEO of such an organization, but it is helpful. It’s important that a company’s leader understand the nuances of the industry. The arts industry, whether for-profit or non-profit, is an economic driver in any community, and the person at the helm should ideally be well-versed in the unique characteristics of the arts and artists.

In St. Petersburg, there are several museums and arts organizations. They often work collaboratively to support each other. Organizations such as the St. Pete Arts Alliance, Community Foundation of Tampa Bay, Creative Pinellas, and Pinellas Community Foundation all supply funding to arts organizations.

Nonprofit arts and cultural organizations are integral members of the business community. They employ people locally, purchase goods and services in the community, are members of the Chamber of Commerce, and are involved in the marketing and promotion of their regions.

Like all industries, spending by arts organizations has a measurable economic impact. Unlike most industries, however, the arts generate a bounty of event-related spending for local businesses - dollars that land in the pockets of local establishments such as restaurants, retail stores, hotels, and even the local babysitters. One scenario that demonstrates this is when an arts organization debuts an exhibit. They exhibit may open on a Saturday evening. A couple decides that their weekly date night will include seeing this exhibit. They have young children, so they need to book a babysitter. Since it’s date night, they make reservations at their favorite restaurant. Depending on where they live, they may take the subway or bus, taxi, or a ride-sharing company for transportation. The exhibit might have an entry fee. The couple will likely find a piece of art or gift shop merchandise to purchase. Afterward, before heading home to relieve the babysitter, the couple may decide to shop at some of the other retail shops in the vicinity of the gallery before stopping at their favorite dessert place for a sweet end to their evening. Imagine how much money they spent that evening. This is not every scenario for every individual that patronizes the arts and supports arts organizations, but it’s one example of the impact the arts have on the economic viability of a community and the ability for cities and towns to attract visitors who will spend money.

According to the Americans for the Arts, a national organization that supports non-profit arts businesses, 4.6-million jobs are supported by the non-profit arts industry. In addition to the positions I mentioned above as it relates to the jobs at Creative Clay, arts organizations also employ builders, web designers, electricians, accountants, printers and other workers spanning many industries, in addition to artists, curators, musicians, and other arts professionals. Moreover, the economic analysis looks at employment beyond those who work for arts organizations. It also captures the jobs supported across the community because of spending by the organizations and their audiences.

A national poll published last year, Americans Speak Out About the Arts, found that 87 percent of the public believes the arts are important to quality of life, and an impressive 82 percent also believe the arts are important to local businesses and the economy.

There are many opportunities for careers in the arts industry, whether you work for a non-profit or at a business that supports such organizations. Expertise in writing and communication is a must, since there are many platforms for information sharing and fundraising. Knowing your community is also paramount, as well as networking and forming collaborative partnerships. Often, the success of one organization or business is predicated on the sharing of mutual goals, ideas and man and woman power. Partnering with other businesses and groups introduces companies to new friends, fans and potential donors, which is essential to the success of a non-profit organization. Experience in navigating relationships and bringing others together is an asset. Sometimes, the experience and lessons learned from those required group projects in high school and college, is beneficial.

If you are considering a career or volunteer opportunity in the non-profit arts industry, these resources are helpful: National Council of Non-Profits, Non-Profit Leadership Center – Tampa, St. Petersburg Arts Alliance, Community Foundation of Tampa Bay, and Community Tampa Bay.

Any of St. Petersburg’s arts organizations or museums – Creative Clay, Great Explorations, The Dali Museum, The Museum of Fine Arts, The James Museum, PARC, Imagine Museum and Morean Arts Center.

“The heartbeat of family is Creative Clay.”

For Member Artist Gina K., Creative Clay is more than the place she goes three times a week to create exhibit-worthy art that is sold online and in the Good Folk Gallery. “It broke my heart when Creative Clay closed,” Gina said. “That’s the truth.”

Creative Clay is in her heart.

On March 19, 2020, Creative Clay was forced to close its physical location and cease regular programming due to COVID-19. The St. Petersburg, Florida nonprofit’s two largest programs, Community Arts and the Art Around the World inclusive summer camp, were closed. Before COVID-19, Creative Clay’s Community Arts Program served 50 individuals with neuro-differences, ages 18 and older, Monday through Friday. A National Public Radio (NPR) story stated that individuals with disabilities are four times more likely to die from COVID related complications. “The high rate of death is disturbing, but it’s not surprising,” said Scott Landes, an associate professor of sociology at Syracuse University’s Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. Landes has been collecting data from state and private research groups and says people with developmental disabilities who live in group homes have some of the highest death rates from COVID-19 in the country. “They’re more likely—four times more likely, we’re showing—to actually contract COVID-19 than the general population,” he said, “and then if they do contract COVID-19, what we’re seeing is they’re about two times more likely to die from it.”

As many businesses reopened in late spring 2020, Creative Clay remained closed out of an abundance of caution to protect member artists. On May 1, 2020, with a grant from the Community Foundation of Tampa Bay and a donation from Creative Clay board member Hal Freedman and his wife, Willi Rudowsky, Creative Clay Connects virtual classes launched. Donations from several other Creative Clay board members and donors helped fund individual artist kits and pay teaching artists.

“I felt really happy because I was able to do art on my own, and it meant that I got to do more art,” said Member Artist Marissa H. “The classes allowed me to expand my art-making abilities.”

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Creative Clay’s Community Arts Program began in 1995 with one member artist. Since then, the mid-sized nonprofit headquartered in the Grand Central District of St. Petersburg has taught and empowered hundreds of people with disabilities who create art and sell their works in its Good Folk Gallery and online in its virtual gallery. Creative Clay artists also exhibit their art throughout the Tampa Bay area, and sell their art on products through platforms, such as Redbubble.

Member Artist Sienna M. joined Creative Clay in 2012 after graduating from high school. She enjoys fabric art, such as embroidery. Sienna also employs the use of bright, bold colors in everything she creates.

When artwork is sold, member artists earn a 50% commission. Sometimes, an artist’s work is selected for Creative Clay’s Arts in Offices leasing program or to travel to other community arts partners for exhibition.

“I like to sell my artwork,” Sienna said.

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A year and a half ago, I was lying on a California emergency room medical table when I first heard I was going to die. 

While one doctor probed me with a needle to extract thick, yellow turbid fluid from my abdomen, a gynecologist hovered over me and delivered the news: I probably had 7 to 8 months to live.

“Oh my God. No,” I said.

I was a 51-year-old who had only been sick once in the last 10 years. If anything, I had skated by in life on my good health, and luck. The information didn’t match my self-identity. It all seemed so wrong.

“Patient is appropriately shocked and in disbelief,” read my medical notes from that day. 

“Fuck this shit,” I told my husband hours later. 

I wasn’t ready to die. Thankfully, I didn’t believe her.

I’ve often thought about that day and why I persisted in the face of such a dire diagnosis, given so casually. I thank my thick skin from being a political spouse; my husband, Rick Kriseman, is finishing his second term as the mayor of St. Petersburg, Florida. I thank my faith. And, I thank my privilege. It’s easier to fight when you have better-than-average health insurance. I never worried about paying for my care. 

As a battle-worn first lady, I know words matter. 

And, I know there are better words health care providers can use to speak to patients.

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Health crisis like cancer are not uncommon. Many people must navigate life amid chronic health conditions, ongoing hardships, and other challenges. Hearing “you have cancer” is was shocking. Anyone who has been told they have a life-threatening disease is forever changed. So is their family.

Rick was with me when the on-call doctor in the emergency room at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula told me, “You have a 20-cm tumor on your right ovary. We quickly got over the shock then got to work setting up appointments for the week after we returned from the Pebble Beach golf tournament we were attending with our 16-year-old son.

We kept the news to ourselves for one week. After surgery was scheduled, I slowly began telling people. Each time I recounted what I thought was only 1 tumor and 1 type of cancer, family and friends joined my world, one they never escape.

St. Petersburg is Florida’s 5th largest city, but it can still be a small town. I was born here, grew up here, graduated from a local university, and raised our family here. Even before my husband was mayor in 2014, I knew a lot of people. This was my personal health crisis. I was slowly adjusting to my new status as a cancer patient. Thankfully, a 3-hour surgery successfully removed 3 tumors and a few organs and lymph nodes. On the day of my first chemotherapy treatment, a reporter from the local newspaper asked why Rick was out of the office for “family business.”

Rather than ignore this reporter’s incessant questioning, Rick and I decided that I would announce my diagnosis, on my terms. I would give no interviews or additional statements to the press. I would write the announcement, not his communications team. It was my news to share. My statement would stand as-is.

Medical information is protected under HIPPA rules and regulations. By no means was I legally required to disclose my condition. But, it was important that I was the only one to discuss my condition publicly. I briefly lamented my husband’s status as a well-known political figure. No one I knew that had ever faced a health crisis had to prepare a public statement. However, I needed to insure that nothing about my cancer was misstated, I soon viewed the crafting of this statement as an opportunity to seize power when much of my life was out of control.

Read here for how I used a popular social media platform to announce a very private and scary moment in my life.