S.A. McConnell's Blog

A Toast to 2024 – To Losing Track in 2023.

How does one lose track of time when time is all we have?
Have we become so distracted by responsibilities of everyday living that we forget about the time passing by?
Who are the people that we have lost track of over the years? Is it an old babysitter, a co-worker, a family member or a friend that you lost touch with?
How would you feel to make contact again, even after all these years of losing track?

Think back to when you were young (for those born before the 80’s), before computers, internet and social media.
If I wanted to communicate with my best friend or a loved one, I picked up the local printed telephone directory, searched for their parents’ names and dialed their number. Or better yet, call the operator and ask her. In case of emergency, dial 0. And trust me, she could cut a conversation short in case of emergencies (or prank calls).
If we were lucky, we would make contact, get our boots and jackets on, and then take a long walk/crazy run to go see them. If time dated back to my parents and grandparents’ generation, telephones were a luxury for some, making Canada Post a hot commodity for Pen Pals wanting to share their lives (and maybe a printed photo added to their hand-written letter). Tracking numbers on letters and packages only became available once computers were invented, so you hoped that Canada Post didn’t loose track of your letter or package. I often wonder what happens in the Lost Letter/Parcel Dept!!

Thanks to the invention of computers and apps, we can now find, track and locate almost anyone from near or far. If you have social media accounts, finding people is at a click of the keys, type in their names and boom – invite them to be your friend. If you are fortunate enough to have their up-to-date email address, then you are in luck – blast off a quick email and wait for their response. Cross your fingers that it does not go in their Spam/Junk folder or lost in cyber space. Even then, easy peasy, resend your original email.

Losing track of people is just as easy to do as losing track of time. I mean, how many hours can one actually lose track of? Easy….hours and hours! If you consider how many hours we are absorbed by our televisions or social media accounts, time is easy to lose track of. We start one search and end up searching for recipes or funny videos, losing track of our original thought and before we know it – hours have past. Is it wasted time or time well wasted chilling and relaxing? People change, they move away- sometimes without any notice, they change email addresses or get blocked out of their accounts, they get absorbed into their lives and lose track of you. There is a million reasons or possibilities of how, what, why, when, where and who. Losing track is simple to do if you are not super organized, To-Do Lists, post it notes of every shape and color, or cell reminders. Keeping track of time is easier when we have notifications, right? Maybe for some, yet even the super organized control freak can lose track (its bound to happen eventually).

Losing track of our life journey, our reason for being, losing ourselves or our minds are above and beyond the worst things that we can lose track of. It is entirely possible that we have been so absorbed in a task or into a relationship (good, bad or toxic) that we become lost to what is truly important. Well, I lost track. I lost track about a lot of things since Covid hit in late 2019. I learned the hard way (yet again) about losing track. I became anxious and fearful of many things that once never bothered me, I became someone that I longer recognized when I looked in the mirror. I lost track of how quickly the last 49 years have flown by, lost track of the woman that I thought I was.

So what’s next on the journey? How does one get back on track after being derailed? It is simple, yet complicated for some, all we need to do is think about what we really want in our lives. Simple, right? No, not simple for me. I had certain people in my life that were sucking the life out of me like a vampire. AKA: Toxic relationships/friendships. I made so much time for their issues and problems that I completely lost track of what was going on in my own life. Nothing was happening- I had become boring and drained of all my energy to do the things I had wanted to do. I put everything aside whenever this person called/texted and was basically on-call 24/7 to help. But how do you help someone that does not want to help themselves. You don’t. You break the cycle, move on, and get yourself back on track. Standing our ground and setting our limits or boundaries are often a difficult mission, yet one that needs to happen if you want to get back on track.

Health issues, family issues, job issues, personal issues– the result is that I lost track of who I was and who I wanted to be for the next part of my journey. I felt broken, as though all the parts were disassembled, scattered in pieces– waiting to be rebuild. There is no fairy godmother that is going to magically appear and bibitty bop all the pieces back into place. Only one can do that, and that person is the one staring back in the mirror. Funny how life happens sometimes. I strongly believe that ‘life happens’ when we are meant to change direction, when we are meant to learn a new life lesson. Some of life’s lessons are brutal to endure, scary, and we wonder if we will ever survive, and we do – eventually.

Losing track may very well be life’s way of trying to get you back on track. When we look to the past and realize how much we have lost track about, it can be frightening and life changing all at the same time. Death stops one in their tracks and sometimes losing someone you care about has the same effect. I had become so distracted by my own anxiety and fear, that I had become distant and isolated from my family and many friends. Making excuses to not travel or staying in the comfort of my home became a monotonous routine. Not only had I lost track of time, I had lost track of what was important to me. Me, my family and friends, my passions and talents, and what life had to offer outside of my comfort zone.

I went into hermit mode, tuning out almost everyone and everything. I was focused on anything that I ever loved doing and had stopped doing years ago; arts and crafts that I had accumulated and never started, writing storylines yet never writing the story, endless hours well wasted on trying to get back on track. Is it photography, cooking, writing/publishing, art projects or is it something else that would get me back on track. My mind raced day in and day out, hours upon hours, months passed…and then life decided to wake me up. For some strange reason, Jack’s name kept popping up in my thoughts. I couldn’t even remember the last time we had spoken. Weeks maybe, a few months, idk for sure but it’s been awhile.

The harsh reality is that death made me snap out of my isolated shell. Jack was a senior citizen that I met while dining at a local restaurant over 10 years ago, we struck up a conversation and became instant friends. I would visit him often, having some of the most interesting and intellectual conversations, sharing our lives and the latest gossip to our heart’s content. Then I stopped visiting, stopped calling Jack (as well as the rest of my friends), and figured that he’d be there when I got my pieces together and back on track. But that’s not what happened. Life happened. Jack got older, really sick and in the intensive care unit on his last days before I finally made a call to a friend who works in the health industry.

I was in luck – she found his name in the hospital database and I was on my way. Jack was in bad shape- his state of health and mind had deteriorated so rapidly that it took him a few minutes to remember who I was. When he did, he cried and then I cried. I was lucky enough to have that one last meeting with him before he passed. As you know, death has no age limits. We all have a start date but no clue to our end date. It can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow…we simply don’t know. I have lost childhood friends, high school friends, family members, old and new friends and many fur animals. Life is too short, even for an 80-year-old, so it was about damn time to get back on track and start living again before my end date comes sooner than expected.

I lost my dear friend Jack this year (Rest in Peace J.P.), however I was found by a distant relative that I had not seen in over 40 years. Someone had mentioned to her that I had published a novel, so she searched high and low and finally reached out to me through my author social media account. We may have lost track of each other over the last 40 years, however we are now making up for lost time. I was also reunited with another family member, then a family Facebook page -so the family reunion just keeps getting better and better. We have no control over the past, but we do have a say in what the future holds. It is possible to lose track and then get back on track. It’s entirely possible that we were meant to lose track of each other so that we would be reunited at this moment on our journeys – when we need each other the most. It’s now or never. Keep losing track or get back on track. Reach out to those you love- even if it was yesterday or last week or maybe even 40+ years ago. Time will not wait for you, neither will they.

I may have lost track of time and people, but maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Maybe this is life’s way to help me learn, accept, improve and move forward.
All I can do from here on out is to do what is best for me, for my family and my friends, staying true to my values, hopes and dreams and to never lose track of what is important.
I have absolutely no control over the time I have left on my journey, but I do hope that my journey continues for many moons. I’m kind of hoping to be that old lady that plays practical jokes on everyone in the senior’s home. Bahahaaa 
Time is precious, it is not to be wasted or taken advantage of – your time is to be cherished.
Even when we believe we are lost and off track, believe that in time – anything is possible.

My 2023 life’s lesson learned …
The only time I should look back is to see how far I have come.
Life changes without warning, regardless of how well prepared I seem to be.
I need to stop wasting time, make time for those who count – less for those that don’t.
Continue learning and experiencing what life has to offer and have fun doing it.
Share the love.
Cheers to the lessons learned of the past year and may there be hope, love and good times for 2024.

Written by S. A. McConnell, January 1st 2024.

When Covid hit and we were forced to live like teenagers that were grounded and under a 11pm curfew, I used this downtime to be begin writing. It took me approximately 9 months to write the entire manuscript, between working full time from home, tending to my Raff and fur babies.

When I started to write my first manuscript, I had started writing another book entirely different, but it became too dark and difficult for me to continue. I was having recurring nightmares and memory flashbacks of events that I had tried so hard to forget so, I ended up deleting the entire file of that manuscript and changed my game plan. My mission is to help other woman (or men), to break the stereotypes and prejudices, and to show what I did to break the pattern and learn how to heal.

I certainly didn’t heal (or stay sane) if it wasn’t for the help of my family, close friends, fur babies, and a whack of psychologists. Yes, it took many psychologists to get through years of damage and to find one that I felt comfortable enough divulging my secrets to. Communication is a two-way street, essential if you want to get anywhere in life. When I finally broke down and told her all the good, bad & ugly, that’s when the real healing began. It starts within, deep within, beyond looking in the mirror. Some days are tougher than others, but the self-discovery adventure is well worth it.

 Hidden innuendos?

With any great book, there is a list of characters to bring it to life; some people and places in my life inspired me to create characters for them.

Note: All names, places and character types were modified in the book.

Here is a look at the Call to Karma characters:

Lily McDaniels was inspired by the Lily flowers growing in my garden and McDaniels was taken from a map of Irish last names.

Raphael Paradis– For many chapters, I had no name for Raff – he was marked as Q (for Quebecois). When I was writing chapter 22, Lily’s sister Catherine says “Ok fine,So whatcha gonna do with Riff Raff anyway?”. The name Raff stuck in my head, then I thought of the healing angel Raphael. Paradis is a common French name, and Raff’s body is Lily’s paradise.

Kylien Castle– the name was inspired by my son; he chose his fictive name even before knowing what I was going to do with it.

Jacques – one of the best team leaders from Rogers (RIP Don)

Benoit & Ti-gars – two of Raff’s friends. Benoit was his roommate (aka human translator) and Ti-gars was his travel buddy and are they are both one of the Boys in my real life. I have a feeling we will be seeing more of the Boys in book 2

Luc & Jacqueline – my bfs parents (names changed). If the truth be known, Jacqueline was the name of my first baby doll that I spoke a secret language too (in my 6 year old mind, I was speaking French before I even knew a word. In middle school, I forged my mother’s signature so that I could take French lessons).

Catherine – my sister, my go-to 24/7 therapist who bugged me for years to write a book.

Jackson– my Daddy-O and hero.  And yes, the Bromance with my Raff is real.

Marilyn– my Mom, who took a really long time to admit that she actually liked my Raff but now considers him as her son-in-law (after years of playing her tough act).

Dee & Iva-Lynn– two of my long-time girlfriends, without them, I would have fallen into the cracks of hell and never believed in myself for a second. Without them, I would forever be lost.

Rosa & The Distorted Thorns– two of my dear ol’ friends inspired the band name. Rosa (female version) of my childhood friend Ross Nielsen, talented musician that rocks Canada from coast to coast. The Distorted Thorns was inspired by my American friends’ band named the Distorted Silence band from Columbus Ohio, of which rocks the house anytime they play!

Mister Universe Nathaniel ‘Nate’ Walsh – the fish market boss that made all us Girls go ga-ga.

If you are from the Maritimes, here are the places that inspired me to include them into the storyline:

Greater Maplewood – had Greater Moncton in mind from all my years living in the area.

The farmer’s Market is the Moncton Farmers Market and the waffles are To-Die for!

The Fishbowl – Rogers Communications building, where I worked for many years as a customer service rep.

Woodhaven – my old stomping grounds in Carleton County NB.

Sunrise Camping – although there are many campsites with this name, it was a toss-up between sunrise and sunset camping. I have so many wonderful memories camping around the Maritimes, that it was hard to come up with a fictive name.

Lily made her Call to Karma on a beach, which was inspired by my one of my favorite places, Parlee Beach in Shediac NB. The resto-bar fish market that she met Raff at, is none other than the famous Captain Dan’s Bar & Grill on the Point-du-Chene wharf in Shediac NB. If you haven’t been to either place, you have no idea what you are missing !!!

What is next for Lily and Raff? Will they be able to effectively communicate enough to get through what is coming next?

Will Lily conquer her fears and be able to heal from her past? Will she see her son again? Lily and Raff’s story will continue in book two of the Karma Love series: the custody battle, the communication barrier, the demons of the past (for both Lily and Raff) and the many secrets that they both hide.

Stay tuned…..

So why did I write Call to Karma?

1. My therapy
2. Awareness about abuse, sexual abuse and domestic violence.
3. To break the stereotypes and prejudices

Where did it all start you ask?

The day that my Gram took me into the Woodstock Public Library and let me run wild in the basement floor children’s section, where I would get lost in books for hours until she finally called me to leave. We never left the library without a handful of loaned books in our hands either. The day that the Book Mobile arrived in my grandparent’s yard, I thought my Gram was a librarian goddess. The gentleman that drove the Book Mobile made it seem as though we stepped into a magical school bus that could take you to any imaginative place. I was officially in love with books!

So why now?

My sister was the first to plant the idea in my head to write a novel based on my experiences as an abuse survivor. Little did she know that while COVid hit, I was busy taking her advice to write my first fictional novel. (Thanks Sis!)

Although it is a fictional novel, some of my experiences stem from my own secret garden. Yes, I was abused as a child and yes, I was in a domestic violence relationship for years- and barely escaped alive. The scars are real. Unfortunately, there are too many girls and women that are abused on a daily basis. (It must stop!) I encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to break the pattern, to seek help and to move forward in her life as a strong, independent, and beautiful woman. And yes, we are all beautiful regardless of age, race, gender, weight, scars, etc!!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! If this book helps just one person break the cycle of abuse in their lives, then I have succeeded my reason for writing this book.

Join Team Lily on her healing journey.

Welcome to Call to Karma.

Peace & Love

S.

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