Shira Miller's Blog

In this episode of the Self Employed Life podcast, Jeffrey Shaw interviews Shira about her new book Free and Clear: Get Unstuck and Live the Life You Want and how almost all of us have felt ‘stuck’ at some point in our lives. Some of us go through temporary phases of feeling stuck, some of us feel chronically stuck, and some of us feel stuck in some areas of our lives but not in others. (Those of us who are entrepreneurs and self-employed are certainly not immune to feeling stuck.) In this interview, Shira shares her insights on how to identify when you’re stuck, why it’s important to get unstuck, and some techniques for getting started.

https://www.jeffreyshaw.com/post/777-shira-miller-getting-unstuck

 

The post Shira Miller on the Self Employed Life Podcast: Getting Unstuck appeared first on Shira Miller.

We all know exercise is good for us, and the “right” thing to do, kind of like eating broccoli and wearing sunscreen. In fact, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) officially recommends that each week, adults get at least150 minutes of moderate intensity physical activity and two days of muscle strengthening movement.

Yet the CDC found that only 22.9% of adults are meeting those requirements — a trend which harms individual health as well as community well-being.

The problem is that exercise can feel like a chore, just another thing on your to-do list that gets blown off because of work deadlines, family demands or a compulsive need to binge the latest streaming sensation. That’s why we need to change the way people think about exercise, focusing on making it more fun.

“Besides being the best way to make your every-now-and-then workouts into a legitimate routine, people who enjoy their workouts reap more of exercise’s mental benefits, including lower stress levels and a decreased risk of depression,” says Leah Lagos, a New York City sports psychologist, in this Time magazine article.

If fitness becomes something you want to do, instead of have to do, that makes all of the difference in the world. Ryan Makely-Phillips, Studio Leader at the Lifetime Fitness in Sandy Springs, Georgia, agrees. “It’s crucial to make exercise fun, because let’s just be real, no one really wants to do it,” he explains. “If you make it fun, you’re going to stick to it and make a habit of it.”

Makely-Phillips puts his money where his mouth is. In his job, he is responsible for 150 group fitness classes a week and small group training — keeping club members engaged by featuring a great atmosphere and great instructors. So when he teaches a class, entertainment becomes a prime focus.

Ryan Makely-Phillips, Studio Leader at Lifetime Fitness in Sandy Springs, GA, creates fun fitness experiences

Drawing upon his previous background as an actor, Makely-Phillips’s challenging spin classes are at full capacity with a wait list — even at 8:45 a.m. on a weekend — because of the fantastic music, comedic pater, and fun vibe for all. As he notes, “being on a stage with a spotlight, colorful lights and loud music is kind of like putting on your one-man show or one-woman show if you will. If you think of it like that, it naturally will be very entertaining for the majority of the room.”

Ready to make your forays into fitness more fun? Here are 4 ways to increase your enjoyment of and commitment to exercise at the same time:

Choose exercise that you actually enjoy.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But consider how many times you find yourself in a boot camp class that all of your friends swear by, when you’d rather be hiking outside — or how you bought that fancy smart connected exercise bike during the pandemic because of all of the hype, but now it’s gathering dust because it doesn’t motivate you at all.

For example, my love for dancing at clubs back in the day motivated me to first try step aerobics nearly 30 years ago, and the pulsating music and coordinated moves hooked me right away. These days, I get that dance music fix in spin classes and with music playlists I create each month to make time on cardio machines fly by.

Change things up.

If you do the same thing over and over again, it can become monotonous. That is certainly true when it comes to exercise.

Research cited in this Frontiers in Psychology article found that a lack of novelty with exercise was a key factor in low participation rates, and that even the most active individuals can become bored and lose motivation when they don’t shake things up with their fitness routines. Trying new things makes exercise more fun and reinforces your commitment to being active.

Let’s say that you are a runner, and typically run 30 miles a week around your neighborhood. Maybe you change things up by running in a completely different location or change the length of your runs in order to compete in a race or add a Yoga class two days a week because all of that running has left you with the flexibility of a brick (i.e., not much at all).

Those slight shifts can make a difference — as can pausing running completely for a month to dive into swimming or barre classes instead of your typical grind. As reported in the Journal of Sport & Exercise Psychology, even perceived variety in exercise increased one’s motivation levels.

Treat it like a social event.

Exercising with kindred spirits can increase your enjoyment levels, and support from being part of a shared experience. Makely-Phillips advises treating exercise more like a social event than a mandatory obligation.

“When you find like-minded people that take the class and you become friends, you all hold each other accountable, and then it becomes a more social aspect rather than a workout if you will,” he explained.

Make a lot of sense, doesn’t it? If you look forward to seeing the people you plan to sweat with, engaging in that bonding time becomes part of the pull to exercise. It’s kind of like meeting friends for drinks — except you are guzzling water rather than alcohol, sitting in a fitness room rather than a bar and are getting high on endorphins instead of alternative substances. Much better for your body and well-being overall.

Engage in gamification.

Back in elementary school, the pinnacle of happiness was getting a gold star or smiley face sticker from our teachers when we did something well. These days, numerous fitness apps and classes feature special badges, designations and emojis that validate your exercise experience and encourage you to try harder.

Gamifying movement — treating it like a competition with others or with yourself — can increase your enjoyment of exercise and produce even better results. Sign up for challenges at your gym or with online groups, take classes where participants are ranked on a leader board and explore other methods that make it more fun by getting your competitive juices flowing.

When you look forward to working out, it changes your relationship with exercise. It becomes a regular part of your routine. Fitness can become a place of social engagement, a critical tool for handling stress, the one quiet time to yourself in our 24/7 world — or all of the above. Making exercise more fun will improve your well-being in so many ways.

How have you made exercise more fun? What are some of your favorite fitness activities?

The post 4 Ways to Make Exercise More Fun appeared first on Shira Miller.

4 Ways to Get Clear About Your Reason for Being

From the Talking Heads “Road to Nowhere” to the Beatles’ “Nowhere Man,” rock stars have created some powerful lyrics about being aimless in life. Even Former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, a political rock star by every measure, said “If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.” The point is that people need a purpose to truly thrive in life.

Unfortunately, a lack of lack of clarity about where you are headed can leave a person rudderless during the best of times. When the landscape of society changes as dramatically as it did over the past few years, more individuals feel lost than before.

“Things have always been uncertain; you never really know what’s around the corner. However, because of everything that has happened recently, uncertainty is now smacking us in the face,” Career and Executive Coach Tammy Gooler Loeb, MBA, CPCC and author of Work from the Inside Out: Break Through Nine Common Obstacles and Design a Career That Fulfills You, told me.

“Because of that, people need to know their ‘why’ so they can stay grounded and focused on what it is that they are here to do,” she continued. “If we lose sight of that in the midst of an unstable time, then people have nothing to hang on to. Recognizing one’s motivation gives us an anchor when everything else feels out of our control.”

Everyone Has a Purpose

Whether you recognize it or not, everybody has a purpose in life. It’s the reason why we are here, the impetus for our existence and meaning. Sometimes we just get so bogged down by life, the expectations of others and more that it is hard to see it. When that happens, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut.

As Jack Canfield, the bestselling author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series has noted, “We are all born with a deep and meaningful purpose that we have to discover. Your purpose is not something you need to make up; it’s already there. You have to uncover it in order to create the life you want.”

Finding her purpose was the last thing on Patrice Tanaka’s mind when seeking help from an executive coach in February 2002. Like other residents of New York, she continued to reel from the September 11 terrorist attacks five months earlier.

Tanaka was exhausted from caring for her husband, who had been fighting a long battle with a brain tumor and the challenges of building her Public Relations agency, PT&Co., with 12 partners. Many days it was hard to get out of bed in the morning.

She was surprised when the coach asked Tanaka to rethink her purpose in life during their first session. It proved to be a challenging assignment. As Tanaka considered possible purpose statements, she couldn’t stop thinking about the thousands of people who died in the Twin Towers attack.

“The moments before you know that you’re going to die, I would want to believe that I had done what was most important. But like most of us, those individuals were banking on living long enough to do the things that mattered most, and they just ran out of time,” explained Tanaka.

“I wanted a purpose where I would never be in danger of that,” she added. “So, I told my coach that my purpose was just simply to choose joy in my life every day, to be mindful of that joy, and to share that joy with others.”

When asked to name one thing that had brought her joy in the past, Tanaka said she loved to dance. As an eight-year-old, her dream was to dance like Ginger Rogers but in all of the decades that passed, she had never taken a dance lesson. Prodded by her coach, Tanaka signed up for lessons.

It was awkward at first but soon she was hooked. Tanaka began competing in ballroom dancing competitions locally, then nationally and internationally, winning championships along the way. It was a joyous experience that opened up her world.

Tanaka wrote a book called Becoming Ginger Rogers: How Ballroom Dancing Made me a Happier Woman, a Better Partner, and a Smarter CEO. The lessons she learned from ballroom dancing helped her thrive professionally. In 2015, she departed the public relations world to create Joyful Planet, LLC to help build purpose-drive individuals and organizations.

“While most people agree that a life purpose is important, they just don’t place a great sense of urgency around it,” she said. “But research shows that having a life purpose helps people live longer and enjoy healthier relationships while equipping us with a competitive advantage that can focus and drive us to accomplish what matters most.”

How to find your purpose

Becoming clear about your purpose can add a whole bunch of happiness to your life. Just remember that it doesn’t have to remain fixed, like a GPS coordinate, the chemical composition of oxygen or adorableness of Reese Witherspoon. As you grow and change, it can evolve as well. Here are four ways to help identify your purpose:

Make time for reflection.

Understanding yourself is key in becoming clear about your purpose. Get curious about what matters, who you are and why you are here. Post those questions to yourself and journal until you have answers from your authentic self that aren’t influenced by others.

Consider partnering with a friend or a professional, like a coach or therapist, to help you explore what purpose means to you today and how it could potentially evolve.

Focus on your values.

Define the principals, beliefs and ideals that guide your behavior. For example, Jo Ann Herold’s personal motto is “good goes around” and one of her core values is being of service in the world. That purpose has defined many of her professional and personal choices, from the moment she donned the McDonald’s Hamburglar costume as a part-time store area representative at age 16 to entertain kids at their birthday parties.

An award-wining marketing executive, Herold has helped major brands focus on eradicating childhood hunger and promoting sustainability in the course of doing business. She volunteers her time as a member of multiple non-profit boards. That desire to make a positive impact on people’s lives was behind her decision to return to the Honey Baked Ham Company as their Vice President of Marketing after an eight-year absence.

“I love helping and serving others,” said Herold. “Leading the marketing efforts for a company that plays an important part in many people’s celebrations and milestone events makes me feel like I’m part of something bigger.”

Home in on your passion.

Consider what motivates and excites you. Let’s say that you’ve had a lifelong love of sports. You were never going to be a professional athlete, but perhaps it manifests now as coaching a little league team, supporting your favorite franchise by being a die-hard fan, bringing your friends together to watch the big game or applying true sportsmanship principles to a business, and seeing it thrive as a result.

Develop a statement of purpose.

Once you’ve started to uncover your purpose, it is time to bring it to life by developing a purpose statement. You can start crafting a purpose statement by using this template: I am here to _____________, and I do this by ___________.

Depending on your interests, that could flow: I am here to help others enjoy financial freedom, and I do that by sharing my wealth management expertise. Or, I am here to make the world a better place and I do that by volunteering my time with non-profits that fight cancer. Develop some initial language and keep playing around with it. At some point, it will feel right to you.

What is your purpose in life? How did you identify it?

Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash

The post How to Find Your Purpose appeared first on Shira Miller.

3 Ways to Embrace Your Authentic Self

How many times have you been urged recently to keep it real? Seen a hashtag, meme, podcast episode, or video that reinforces the importance of being true to yourself, at least within reason?

With 4.55 billion people actively using social networks, which is more than half of the world’s population, you could be constantly reminded about the benefits of #authenticity, #selflove, #youdoyou and so on — all reinforcing the importance of embracing your authentic self.

Your authentic self is the real you. The person who you truly are when being completely honest with yourself. It is your genuine personality without filters to hide perceived flaws, habits or beliefs that might not jive with a desired social group.

Maybe you are brilliant at multiplayer video games, could happily eat Raman noodles each day, have an irrational hatred of farm animals and haven’t danced in public since that embarrassing incident in middle school. There is nothing wrong or right about these behaviors and thoughts; they simply are parts of the puzzle that come together to make you a unique individual.

So what happens if you don’t do you? Well, it is a one-way ticket to being stuck. When you hide who you really are from yourself and the rest of the world, your fulfillment and happiness decreases. Relationships are not as enriching. Research has shown that inauthenticity can sometimes lead to symptoms of depression. You could grapple with an undercurrent of fear, imposter syndrome and lower self-esteem — all of which becomes a bigger burden when dealing with a society that has faced so many disruptions over the past few years.

One of the main reasons people aren’t authentic is a fear of being rejected. As Kenneth Carter, PhD, ABPP, Professor of Psychology at Oxford College, Emory University explained to me, it is like the concept of a having a beautiful, formal living room to impress guests versus the back room of a home where the family actually congregates.

“A lot of people protect their authentic self because they are afraid that others won’t accept it,” he said. “They create this pretty, perfect, inauthentic front room for others to see because if people saw the rest of the house, they could be rejected. Having someone reject an inauthentic, false version isn’t as damaging potentially as having the authentic you rejected.”

It can be surprisingly easy to be inauthentic, especially if you are driven by a desire to please others. I sure was. Back in my early twenties, I fell in love with a man who was really into the outdoors to the point that he eventually ended up hiking the entire Appalachian Trail. Though I liked nature in contained bursts, that was far from who I was at the time; having easy access to a flush toilet was something of a personal priority.

But I sure went overboard adopting his passions in order to deepen our connection. That meant going on multi-day camping trips or canoeing over intense river rapids despite not loving any of it. Attempting to maintain that inauthentic behavior for several years was stressful and created a lot of resentment, ultimately contributing to our breakup.

However, it is never too late to embrace your authentic self. Carter says people can gain more authenticity by understanding what they need in order to be the best version of your true self.

Here are three ways to gain more authenticity:

Identify what circumstances you need to thrive.

Like having food, shelter, healthy relationships and more as a sustaining baseline. Let’s say that you already suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression most often starts in the fall and continues throughout the winter. Triggered by shorter days and being cooped up inside, symptoms detailed by the Mayo Clinic include low energy, greater moodiness, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, feeling hopeless and more.

Knowing that is a personal challenge in any given year, plan ahead to balance that out by increasing your exposure to daylight or light therapy, check out psychotherapy and/or medications and include daily activities that bring you more joy and peace like meditation or exercise.

Understand your strengths.

Carter recommends a character strengths survey called VIA that can help people identify and cultivate their strengths. For example, one of his top five strengths is an appreciation of beauty. So Carter visits museums, in real life or virtually, takes walks and snaps photos of nature, and looks at beautiful writings and art to stay in touch with his authentic self and gain a greater sense of calmness.

Determine what you like to engage in and make it a regular practice for yourself. Do not feel like it requires a vast amount of time. You can get the same kind of boost from taking a couple of minutes each day to breathe more deeply or watch videos of beautiful places.

Carve your own road.

It can be frustrating when you are just starting out on something, trying a new practice or feeling stuck. You look at Instagram influencers with millions of followers, entrepreneurs with compelling success stories and more, thinking it is their way or the highway. But what worked for someone else is not necessarily going to work for you, especially if it is not authentic to who you are.

Think about stand-out entertainers like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson or Billie Eilish who became successful for embracing their true selves instead of copying the trajectory of others. Choosing a path that rings true to yourself creates more fulfillment in the long-run.

“It can be a tougher road to understand and engage your strengths, letting other people into those back rooms of your life,” added Carter. “But what you get from that is going to be more meaningful and lead to your authentic success.”

Famous American essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” And that was over 150 years before the Internet ever became a thing. If you want to activate your amazing potential, make sure You Do You is a top priority.

Photo by Nick Grant on Unsplash

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Here are 4 ways to combat the exhaustion of prolonged stress

Resiliency, the ability to bounce back from adversity, obstacles, and challenges, is an admirable trait. But if you are trying to stay motivated or positive under sustained stress — like two years of COVID-19 shut-downs and restrictions, or any difficult situation that has caused you to deal with long-term hardships — even the most resilient soul can feel exhausted.

That’s why so many people are now grappling with resiliency fatigue, where you’ve tried to roll with the punches and stay strong but end up feeling completely depleted as a result.

You know what I’m talking about — that sensation of feeling less connected, engaged, or motivated over time. Sure you’ve always been an “A” student, but now the temptation could be present to just give up and let go of hope.

As noted in this Wall Street Journal article called “Still Feeling Pandemic Miserable? There Are Ways to Dig Out,” more individuals feel depleted and unable to complete their daily routines because of the sustained nature of the COVID-19 pandemic. It can feel like a bad dream that never ends.

“On mile 18, everyone questions whether they can finish the marathon,” says Brad Kennedy, chief operating officer of addiction treatment center Driftwood Recovery, in that article. “But now, imagine the finish line is moving.”

However, you can do something about it. Here are four ways to combat resiliency fatigue:

Give yourself a break.

We all need some mental rest, and that is true more than ever when dealing with prolonged stress. Your drive to be resilient may stem from trying to keep yourself going or to care more effectively for others. But you can just let yourself “be” rather than “do” in order to replenish your energy and well-being. Take regular mental breaks to re-center yourself.

“We all want to deliver good work, take care of our family, and be the best mother, father, son, daughter we can be,” Brenda Bence, global executive leadership coach and author of The Forgotten Choice: Shift Your Inner Mindset, Shape Your Outer World, told me. “But if your cup is empty, you’ll have nothing left to pour into other people’s cups. So, you need to really pause and replenish, fill up your own cup so that you can offer more to others.”

Reinforce your belief in yourself.

Yes, flexibility is an important part of becoming resilient, but it is also comprised of your attitude and belief in yourself. Leaning deeper into trusting your competence can help you overcome resilience fatigue.

Researchers Kathryn Connor and Jonathan Davidson, who developed the Connor-Davidson Resilience scale (CD-RISC) to assess resilience in individuals, found that certain characteristics like commitment and self-efficacy can help you become more resilient over the long-haul.

I recommend a simple exercise to recognize what you have accomplished over a specific time period — perhaps the past year, five years or more. List everything that comes to your mind, whether it is personal or professional.

When I think back over the past year, my list includes completing my book project, moving into a “new” old home and undertaking a massive renovation, learning how to define healthier boundaries with work and making Pilates a regular habit. No matter what challenges I face, owning those four accomplishments makes me feel proud and capable.

Notice Good Things.

Feel like you’ve become less positive over time? You can regain a sense of optimism by noticing what’s going right. Each day before going to sleep, record what went well in your world.

Commit to finding at least three good things daily, but feel free to write down as many items as possible on a smart device or paper — a good check-up with your dentist, you were running late but the bus waited for you, you found an unexpected $20 bill in a jacket pocket, your boss praised you at a company meeting, etc. Do this every day for a month and see how things change.

It may feel like there’s more positive in your life even if the same things were taking place all along and you are just noticing them for the first time. Noticing good things will increase your optimism and bolster your resilience as a result.

Practice empathy.

Alison Earl, the author of Tripowerment: The Why, the Will, and the Way of Breakthrough Change, recommends using empathy to help overcome resilience fatigue, especially those whose views you don’t share or agree with. Because when you experience empathy, it can diminish your sense of anger or loss.

In this blog article, she writes, “Empathy is the precursor to compassion, which is needed if we are to find new solutions and our way out of this situation. It’s critical to acknowledge the individual hardship, loss, and trauma that we have each experienced during this time. Allow space for these emotions and the truth of the situation. This is not the time to be Pollyanna and only see the bright side.”

“Then, it’s critical we bring it back to the common human experience,” continued Earl. “When we feel alone and isolated in our suffering every negative emotion is intensified. We are more likely to experience anxiety and depression and other negative health consequences. We need to remember that other people, just like us, know this pain, suffering and hardship.”

Have you ever dealt with resiliency fatigue? If so, what helped you break out of it?

Photo by Zohre Nemati on Unsplash

The post Are You Experiencing Resiliency Fatigue? appeared first on Shira Miller.

Some things have achieved mythical status, like searching for the Holy Grail or finding Big Foot thriving in the wilderness. The same is true when it comes to looking for an employer that will provide you with more work-life balance. Instead of relying on an organization to grant you greater well-being, here’s a hot tip — you should start creating it for yourself.

Published October 21, 2021
https://theshiramiller.medium.com/you-are-the-boss-of-your-well-being-ce3be101b1c0

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5 ways to stay productive when overloaded

I am busy. Okay, let’s rephrase that — right now I’m right in the midst of the overloaded, “when is the heck is this all going to stop” kind of busy that can be downright overwhelming. There’s my challenging full-time corporate job. I’m working through a major rewrite of my book project under a tight deadline, most of which is taking place during weekends, early mornings, and assorted lunch breaks. My husband and I recently moved into a new place, an older home that is going to require a lot of renovation…

Published September 17, 2021
https://medium.com/in-fitness-and-in-health/what-to-do-when-you-have-too-much-to-do-699ceee5128f

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4 ways to reclaim your well-being

It’s not upsetting on the level of a Zombie invasion or a full-blown pandemic. But when I sprained my ankle last week after tripping down two stairs, just 20 minutes before a moving truck showed up to cart our possessions away, it sucked. The pain was intense, as was my frustration…

Published July 29, 2021
https://medium.com/in-fitness-and-in-health/leverage-self-care-to-deal-with-injuries-and-setbacks-8c31d9dece45

The post Leverage Self-Care to Deal with Injuries and Setbacks appeared first on Shira Miller.

3 tips to make the most of your workouts

You might not know who 18th Century English poet William Cowper is right off the bat. But chances are good you’ve heard an adage he originated — “variety is the spice of life.” Those words ring true to this day. No matter how much you might love eating peanut butter, binging episodes of Schitt’s Creek or watching baseball games, doing that same activity every single day can diminish your enjoyment over time…

Published June 8, 2021
https://medium.com/in-fitness-and-in-health/improve-your-mind-body-connection-by-mixing-up-your-exercise-1ee8b7bc8f16

The post Improve Your Mind-Body Connection by Mixing Up Your Exercise appeared first on Shira Miller.

5 ways to become more honest with yourself and others

Sure, we’ve all heard the term “you can fake it ’til you make it.” Sometimes you can, like confidently pitching a new business idea when secretly freaking out inside or asking that hottie from your yoga class out for coffee despite thinking they are out of your league…

Published May 30, 2021
https://medium.com/in-fitness-and-in-health/how-to-exercise-your-honesty-muscles-51edc6d91dfb

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