Pam Vredevelt's Blog
September 22, 2025
Finding Healing After the Loss of a Baby: You’re Not Alone
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the heartbreaking loss of a baby, please know this: you’re not alone—and your grief is valid. Whether the loss was recent or many years ago, the ache can linger, and the path to healing may feel overwhelming. But there is hope. Pam Vredevelt, a licensed professional counselor and best-selling author, created the Empty Arms video course to help you find healing, connection, and renewed purpose after loss.
Pam knows firsthand what it’s like to lose a child. At her five-month checkup, she heard the words no expecting mother ever wants to hear:
“Pam, I’m not picking up a heartbeat. There doesn’t seem to be any movement. I think the baby is dead.”
Those devastating words changed her life. After delivering her baby, Pam was plunged into a dark tunnel of sorrow, guilt, and anger. Her husband grieved in his own way, and she often felt isolated. Like so many women, Pam was left with deep questions about life, God, and the future.
And that’s exactly why she created Empty Arms—to be a source of comfort, hope, and strength for women walking a similar path.
Introducing the Empty Arms Online Video CoursePam Vredevelt’s Empty Arms course isn’t just another grief support program. It’s a deeply personal, faith-based journey toward healing and transformation. Drawing from over 35 years as a licensed professional counselor and her own lived experience, Pam guides you through:
How to honor your loss and say goodbye with gracePractical tools to release feelings of guilt, anger, and overwhelming sadness
Faith-based strategies to reconnect with God and your purpose
Brain science-backed techniques that speed up emotional recovery
A safe and supportive space to connect with other women who understand your pain
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. We are wired to heal in safe, compassionate relationships. Through this course, you’ll experience both Pam’s expert guidance and the uplifting connection of a like-minded community.
What Makes Empty Arms Different?This isn’t just about surviving loss. It’s about learning how to thrive again—how to rediscover joy, love your people well, and move forward with courage. Pam’s course is laser-focused on giving you:
A step-by-step, proven path to emotional and spiritual healingA renewed sense of meaning, peace, and identity
The ability to turn your pain into purpose with God’s help
Each session is filled with compassionate insight, practical tools, and the kind of grace-filled encouragement that truly makes a difference.
Meet Pam Vredevelt: Counselor, Author, and Mom of Four (Two in Heaven)Pam Vredevelt’s reputation as a trusted counselor and inspirational speaker is rooted in authenticity, warmth, and wisdom. With more than three decades of experience in private practice and a powerful personal story, she brings a unique and effective approach to grief recovery.
Alongside her husband John—who has served in full-time ministry for over 40 years—Pam gently guides others toward wholeness, offering faith-filled hope and practical support every step of the way.
You Can Heal—And You Deserve ToThe pain of losing a baby never completely disappears—but with the right guidance and support, it can transform into strength, resilience, and renewed hope. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Click below to learn more about the Empty Arms video course and begin your journey toward healing.
September 14, 2021
How can you partner with God in healing your heart after loss?
We invite you to join us for SECOND WIND: A Transformation Experience With God After a Death, Divorce or Significant Relationship Loss.
Learn more here: https://pamvredevelt.com/secondwind/
#grief #loss #love #life #family #healing #griefsupport #griefjourney #pain #memories
April 8, 2021
HOPE HOTLINE
HOPE HOTLINE
Looking for a weekly
infusion of hope
and encouragement
right on your phone?
Text ‘Second Wind‘ to
(503) 744-6294
to join our
grief support text group.
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November 25, 2020
The Losses We Share, a Tale of Grief and Hope
Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, has come forward with bravery to share the intimate details of her story of miscarriage and grief.
It was a July morning that began as ordinarily as any other day: Make breakfast. Feed the dogs. Take vitamins. Find that missing sock. Pick up the rogue crayon that rolled under the table. Throw my hair in a ponytail before getting my son from his crib.
After changing his diaper, I felt a sharp cramp. I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right.
I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.
Through her tale of grief she is encouraging everyone to ask themselves and others this simple yet moving question;
“Are you okay?”
The loss of a baby or child is an almost unbearable pain that so many experience and so few discuss.
“In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo. It is riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning,” Meghan writes in her essay detailing her experience.
The “taboo” of speaking about miscarriage is a real thing. It is difficult to open up about something that has caused such distress. It is in these times of struggle that we must truly look into each others eyes and ask, “Are you okay?”
“When people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter — for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.”
The blinding pain after a loss leaves you wondering- what do I do? Where do I begin? How do I find the healing way forward?
Right here and now I would like to offer you a helping hand and a guided path toward meaning, peace and purpose.
Healing Your Empty Arms e-course is an independent online experience for parents who have experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a baby or child. You will travel a healing path guided by Professional Counselor and Best-Selling Author, Pam Vredevelt and her daughter, Jessie V. Schultz, step-by-step through grief. You will become equipped to receive God’s healing grace. Learn to safely release the emotions that are often blocked and buried in a shattered heart. In result you will experience how to explore and tell your story in ways that promote healing, peace, and meaning all at your own pace.
Exchange the Hollowness of Grief for God’s Abundant Wholeness.
In honor of Meghan’s inspiring bravery we are offering a discount coupon for the course. You will receive $100 off the purchase of the course using the code ” MARKLE “.
This coupon discount expires November 27th, 2020 at midnight (PST).
Click here to learn more and begin healing.
The post The Losses We Share, a Tale of Grief and Hope appeared first on pamvredevelt.com.
August 26, 2020
A Brand New Beginning on Your Healing Path
We treasure the time we shared with you at the EMBRACED boutique retreat. It was a powerful, transformative three days of healing in the secret place of God’s EMBRACE and compassionate support of others!
Thank you for your bold courage to partner with God and in taking the healing steps to reclaim your life and emotional well-being.
We would love to continue supporting you in the healing work you began at Embraced.
Would you like an opportunity to give your heart the special care and attention it needs to heal, in small daily doses over seven weeks?
Jessie and I are starting 2 brand- new LIVE Coaching groups together on Saturday mornings, starting September 5th. We guide you step-by-step along a proven healing path during 90-minute LIVE Coaching sessions, weekly videos, and daily practices that require 20 minutes a day.
For partnering with God in healing your heart after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of your baby go to:
https://pamvredevelt.com/miscarriage-stillbirth-sids-coaching/
For partnering with God in healing your heart after the loss of your loved one, or a significant relationship (divorce, work, estrangement) go to:
https://pamvredevelt.com/healingafterloss/
Your life matters. Your grief matters. Your love matters.
You matter!
We’re so glad to be connected with you. If you have any questions or need guidance on next steps, feel free to reach out.
With our love and prayers,
Pam Vredevelt & Jessie V. Schultz
PS – Here’s a link to 3 FREE videos and Helpsheets, filled with helpful truths, for those who have suffered the loss of a baby or child. They are our gift to you to experience any time, or to share with those in need. Be blessed.
https://pamvredevelt.com/3-biggest-blocks/
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March 4, 2020
Healing After Loss, a NEW Healing Experience
Were you raised in a family that taught you about grief emotions and how to deal with them after the loss of a loved one – yes or no?
Based on a consistent pattern I’ve seen for 30 years in the counseling office, I’m gonna guess that most of us were not taught about how to deal with grief when we were growing up.
It’s no wonder that we feel overwhelmed by the intensity of our grief feelings when we have them. We are afraid that if we let ourselves feel the sadness, guilt, regrets and anger. That we’re just going to drown in their fury.
I know I felt like that when we lost our first baby halfway to term when it died in the womb. My heart was cracked wide open. I didn’t know where to start or what to do with all the crazy emotions that were racing in and out without any logical progression.
I secretly wondered if I was losing my mind.
See, I knew I couldn’t keep just pushing that grief away and resisting it because,
WHATEVER YOU RESIST, PERSISTS.
So I got really honest with myself and I started asking the raw, hard questions.
What do I do with all this pain?
How do I let it go?
What’s my part in the healing process, and what’s God’s part?
Fast forward. I found myself in a black hole of grief again after a car hit our 16 year old son on the freeway and he died four days later.
On the heels of this heart-shattering loss, I dove even deeper into the neuroscience, grief science research, and the timeless wisdom of scripture. I ask God for wisdom and insight to help me heal the blinding pain.
I didn’t want to stuff, didn’t want to numb. And I didn’t want to block my feelings because I’d seen so many cases of buried unresolved grief in the counseling office. I’ve seen it destroy families. I’ve seen it destroy health.
Pain that isn’t transformed, is transmitted.
So, we not only hurt ourselves, we hurt those we love and care about the most.
But.. when you give your heart the proper care and attention that it deserves, and you use your grief energy for positive transformation – kind of like fuel. You can actually experience deep healing, discover meaning and grow closer in your relationship with God and your family.
You can turn your pain into purpose.
Healing After Loss: Grief Release Group Coaching
I’ve created a BRAND NEW training to show you how to design your own unique process for letting go of your grief with grace and ease. It empowers you to explore your story in ways that bring healing and meaning.
You see, the science is in – how you view and tell your story matters in the healing process. This new training gives you the same proprietary process I’ve been teaching clients for over 30 years after the loss of a loved one.
Now you may not see it, or even believe it exists, but hundreds, thousands, have walked this healing path after their devastating losses. They’ve gone on to live fully engaged, purpose-driven lives with deep peace and rich relationships. And believe it or not, even great joy.
You are not designed to suffer alone in silence. You’re just not created for that. Healing comes in the context of compassionate guidance and safe relationships.
Click the link below to learn more and schedule a free discovery call. I will answer your questions and you can see whether Healing After Loss is a good fit for you.
We want everybody in this group to receive plenty of attention, so I’m going to limit the space. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
https://pamvredevelt.com/healing-after-loss-coaching/
Healing After Loss
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January 24, 2020
Mountain Tops, Deep Canyons, and Abundant Joy ❤️
Mom you have to come with me next time! . . . It’s like nothing you’ve ever been a part of before!!!Jenny
That was an understatement.
Fast forward several months later. I race from work, pick up my friend and we hop on the freeway towards Portland, for a weekend at the Marriott Hotel and the event my daughter, Jessie, said I had to go to with her.
She was absolutely right. It was like nothing like I’d ever been a part of before, at least in America. 2 days seemed like 2 hours. I knew the moment I walked into the room that I was in sacred space.
Peace. Comfort. Love. God’s tangible presence filled the atmosphere.
It was my first introduction to Jenny Donnelly, founder of Her Voice and Tetelestai. Jenny is a brilliant trailblazer with a passion for God, and an eagle-eye vision for empowering her generation that is second to none.
Jenny and I shared a few moments together yesterday, visiting some of the mountains and canyons in my life, and the good things that have come. You’re going to sense Jenny’s passion to equip and empower her generation.
Click here to begin your healing journey!
Jenny wasn’t always the flaming wild fire she is today.
There were seasons of cold, dark, lonely heartache. Hiding from love. Pretending. And worrying about the opinions of others.
Jenny knows firsthand how anxiety steals joy.
Inspired by her own life journey, she authored Still: 7 Ways to Find Calm in the Chaos (Revell, January ‘2020), Jenny teaches you how to experience true, life-giving rest even in the midst of chaos. While most of us think of rest as something we do, Jenny shares how rest is a place from which we live and work.
Sharing her own personal struggles with life’s pressures and spiritual exhaustion, she introduces you to the source of peace and rest: Jesus. She shows you the steps to take to access rest anytime, anyplace, under any conditions. And she reveals how operating from a place of stillness powers your identity, creativity, relationships, and so much more.
Jenny and her amazing team recently purchased, and are now living in the fabulous Crestview Manor property overlooking the Columbia Gorge, where our children grew up going to summer camp. It’s also where John proposed to me, and we burst into happy tears imagining our bright future together.
43 years later, the happy tears continue…
Yep we got married VERY young! (:
As the story goes, life is full of mountain tops and deep canyons.
Click here to begin your healing journey!
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January 10, 2020
Grief Recovery – Heal and Rise Up
In the early 1900s, Ernest Shackleton posted his famous classic ad seeking adventurers to accompany him on an expedition to the South Pole:
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages. Bitter Cold. Long months of complete darkness. Constant danger. Safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success.
Shackleton’s description of the dangerous journey ahead always reminds me of the journey through heart-shattering grief. It’s cold, it’s dark. The pain is crushing. Merciless. And the odds of getting through it seem impossible.
Grief recovery requires great courage, emotional honesty, and a ton of energy. Many people get lost in their grief and wander indefinitely – but those who are intentional, who work through their grief in safe relationships, report surprising peace, contentment, and positive transformation on the other side.
NO ONE SIGNS UP FOR HEART-SHATTERING GRIEF
The difference, of course, is that no one willingly signs up for heart-wrenching grief – not even the bravest adventurers.
Instead, grief happens to you – and then you’re left to figure out where to begin and how to find your way through the pain, loss, and suffering.
As a result, it’s exhausting and lonely. I know – because I’ve been there, too.
So how DO you find peace and meaning in grief’s chaos?
How do you release your grip on pain and also receive God’s grace for deep inner healing?
How do you tell your story to prevent buried unresolved grief from creating years of unnecessary suffering?
It’s less complicated than you may think. Furthermore it’s something you can definitely do. Above all, I want you to know that there is hope.
Hope begins in the dark.
BRAND-NEW Parent Grief Recovery Group Coaching
I’ve developed a brand new Parent Grief Recovery Group training called Healing Your Empty Arms. It happens live, online.
I’ll show you how to design your own, personal process for letting go of the grief that is often blocked and buried in a broken heart. Furthermore, you’ll be equipped to receive God’s healing grace, safely release your pain, and experience greater peace and meaning.
I’d love to work together with you, and help you break free of anything bogging down your grief recovery progress.
The training will take place over seven weeks in February and March, and will be conducted entirely online, in a small, intimate group. Consequently, space is limited to ensure everyone gets plenty of personal attention.
SMALL DAILY STEPS PROMOTE EMOTIONAL HEALING
The Healing Action Steps take just 20 minutes per day – but the benefits will last you a lifetime.
If you’re interested in taking this journey – please click the link to my schedule and book a FREE DISCOVERY SESSION with me sooner than later.
A DISCOVERY SESSION will help you to:
Get clarity on your grief concerns and what may be bogging down your healing process
Discover the 3 essential features of highly effective grief work that promote healing, increase emotional well-being, and build resilience
Walk away with a clear plan for how to take your next personal step forward.
In addition, it will give us a chance to see if Healing Your Empty Arms Live Coaching is a good fit for you.
With the proper care and guidance, slowly but surely, you can rise from the ashes of your painful loss, and join the ranks of those who inspire you to believe and keep hope alive, no matter what.x
Warmly,
x
Pam Vredevelt
Professional Counselor, Author
pamvredevelt.com
x
P.S. What I didn’t tell you earlier was that over 300 men and 2 women applied to travel with Ernest Shackleton on his wild expedition to the South Pole. With this in mind, who says we aren’t designed to overcome the seemingly impossible? I invite you to start YOUR healing journey today.
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November 15, 2019
The Holy Spirit Always Intends Kindness – Video 4 of 7
Did you know that the caterpillar completely disintegrates in the process of becoming a butterfly?
This is the 4th video in our series with Paul Young. Paul is a good friend of mine and author of The Shack. Today we continue our conversation about how the Holy Spirit comforts and heals your heart after a painful loss.
Paul discusses an episode in the movie, that he personally witnessed while being filmed on set. The scene includes a divine encounter, starring a butterfly, that pays an unusual visit to one of the actors.
You are inspired to consider how the Holy Spirit works inside your losses, in ways that lead towards renewed life and health.
We may not be avant-garde story writers like Paul. But we can all push the boundaries of our ability to love. To comfort more people and to love them more fully. We have created FREE resources designed specifically for those who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, death of their infant or child:
Share this with your friends by clicking the social media sharing links Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram or Pinterest.
Also feel welcome to take a look at the books that I’ve written that offer compassionate help and wise guidance for an array of topics.
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The Intentionality of God is Always Kindness – Video 4 of 7
Did you know that the caterpillar completely disintegrates in the process of becoming a butterfly?
This is the 4th video in our series with Paul Young, a good friend of mine and author of The Shack. Today we continue our conversation about how the Holy Spirit comforts and heals your heart after a painful loss.
Paul discusses an episode in the movie, that he personally witnessed being filmed on set. The scene includes a divine encounter, starring a butterfly, that pays an unusual visit to one of the actors.
You’re inspired to consider how the Holy Spirit works inside your losses, in ways that lead towards renewed life and health.
We may not be avant-garde story writers like Paul, but we can all push the boundaries of our ability to love—to comfort more people and to love them more fully. We’ve created FREE resources designed specifically for those who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, death of their infant or child:
Share this with your friends by clicking the social media sharing links Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram or Pinterest
The post The Intentionality of God is Always Kindness – Video 4 of 7 appeared first on pamvredevelt.com.
