Emily Waters's Blog

Okay so listen, yes. I fell off the map, perhaps. The world got so loud and mean and relentless that I had to pull back a little. Less news, less media, less internet. It wasn’t a conscious thing, just an unconscious act of self-preservation.

And are things better now? Not really. Worse, in fact! But I am still alive and I do still care about the things I care about. The people I love, my pets, the written word. I’ve started and stopped this post several times because I always get mired down in the notion that nothing matters, especially this blog post and I wander off and I come back a month later, ready to apologize for a long silence but then I think, this doesn’t matter, etc. etc. etc.

But, obviously, things do matter. People matter, lives matter, equality matters, Palestine matters. Fighting fascism matters, stopping genocide matters. Speaking up and out while you still have a voice matters. Not watching all your rights get slowly whittled away silently, that matters.

Anyway, that’s why I’ve crawled back here after a year, ready to pop my head out of my gopher hole to say I’m alive, but straight up not having a good time.

I don’t generally like to acknowledge my health to myself, but that’s been a factor as well. I just can’t do everything that I used to be able to do and it’s always momentarily baffling to stand there and realize my own limitations. I was having a one-on-one with my boss at work and he asked what I felt held me back from doing all the things in my career that I want to achieve. Was it budgeting, was it staffing, was it time? And I was like, no it’s me. The only one who can stop ME is ME and maybe I was blessed with a punk-ass bitch immune system to stop me from trying to take over the world, I don’t know, but my health is my number one opp and we’re always in a fight these days.

So anyway, sorry for dipping for so long. I wasn’t truly gone. You can always find me on my socials. Instagram stories, usually, twitter for fandom things, tumblr occasionally. Thank you for hanging around, for the people who reach out, for the people who read my books or my fic, for the lurkers. I do appreciate the community we have and understand how important it is.

If you’re also an American, hang in there. We got this. We can do hard things.

Thank you to everyone who attended my panel at TLRCON 2025! I chatted about Top Tropes with Sheena from The Lesbian Review, as well as fellow authors Jamey Moody and Melissa Tereze. We all write different sorts of books, so it was really fun to see how something like a favorite trope can really unify people across genres. Thank you SO much to the TLR for inviting me back to panel for them again. I really love to meet other authors and hear from readers and being able to introduce myself and my books to new people is always a thrill. If you want me to come on your podcast or to your con, I will, I love to yap.

Half the time I still look at my books and think, oh my god I wrote that. Genuinely it may never really sink in.

And if you attended that panel (or not) and are new to my work, my debut novel Honey in the Marrow is half off on audiobook right now, so check it out.

I did go back to Disneyland for a few days. Yes we were just there, but like. The world is burning around us. I wanna ride Haunted Mansion. We only went for three days, two half days and one full days and I was wiped. I did not bring home covid this time. A win is a win! We were thinking about going back in May, but the closer you get to summer, the busier it gets. It was busy in March, even in the rain! So we might reevaluate that plan and let our passes expire. Our Disney year is drawing to a close! A little sad, but we really did have a lot of fun.

I’m finishing up my sequel to Two is a Pattern. Like, it’s REALLY close to being done. And then off it will go into edits. I’m excited to get back in the groove of that. I’ll let you know when I know more about dates. Until then!

Well, the news is out! I signed a new contract with my publisher to write a sequel to Two is a Pattern.

Thank you to everyone who has read Two is a Pattern, especially those who have reviewed it, too. Because this book is romantic suspense and not a true romance, I describe the ending as ambiguous yet hopeful. I knew that some people would hate not having a solid HEA, but I also knew the ending had to service the story and the characters and that’s what it does.

But of course, it also left space for more story! I can’t say much about it yet, other than it’s mostly written and I’m excited to get to a point where I can talk more about it. Suffice it to say, you will get more of the characters that you loved, albeit older and (hopefully) wiser.

My partner and I did another Disneyland trip, which was lovely up until our souvenir was bringing Covid home. Neither of us have had it before, so a five year run is PRETTY good I say. We both had one really miserable day, but now are on the mend. I still can’t really smell or taste and they still have the grossest cough, but we are climbing out of the hole, at least.

You can see more pictures from the trip on my instagram.

Finally TLR CON is coming back this March and yours truly is going to be a panelist.

Panelists receive a free ticket to give out, and I didn’t get any takers over on Facebook, so if you’re interested in coming but it feels like a financial burden, I’d love to help you attend. You can reach out to me on instagram or leave a comment here! I’ll be talking about Tropes which is a favorite subject of mine, but there are a variety of panels full of your favorite authors.

Good chat! See you next time.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

After a While – Veronica A. Shoffstall

Happy New Year! I realized I hadn’t posted a blog since November, but the last bit of 2024 went by in a fevered haze and I think we can all forgive each other if that was not our most productive and industrious time.

I largely took 2024 off. It wasn’t a conscious decision I made. I was well into the year before I realized just how burned out I was feeling. I was struggling to write. I did write a little, but I didn’t feel good about it and then I gave myself permission to take a break, especially as I was dealing with health issues. I changed healthcare providers, and learning how to navigate a completely new system to me was a steep learning curve. It took several months to find a new primary care physician I liked and then more time to get my referrals in order, so I wasn’t even booked into specialists until the summer. But now I have a Neurologist and a Rheumatologist and I like them both and while I’m not really feeling better yet, I do feel like I’m largely on the right track.

I understand now why people say managing their health is a full-time job, because it’s not just feeling crappy 24/7, though that is part of it. It’s managing appointments at three different offices. It’s all of my medications being on different refill schedules. Where am I at any given time? Probably in the pharmacy line at CVS.

Anyway, I took the year off. I spent part of it getting back into fandom, and writing fanfic and that was a fun way to get me out of my writer’s block. And then suddenly it was December and my year off was coming to a close. I periodically felt guilty for writing for “fun” but I would remind myself it was okay to take time off. And do you know what? It worked. I entered into January feeling revitalized and ready to roll. I have two projects on the horizon, and I can’t wait to polish them up and share them with the world.

Take the time off, you know? Ignore the guilt. It isn’t real. Authors, even ones with agents and publishers, they work for themselves. Don’t overwork yourself or bog yourself down with deadlines you’ve invented. It’s work, but writing is supposed to be fun too and I’m so happy to find myself back to enjoying what I’m doing.

I can’t promise 2025 is going to be a good year because my state is ON FIRE and my country is BROKEN but any joy is a reprieve worth celebrating.

Everything feels kind of paralyzing, doesn’t it? We had an election here in the states and it did not go well! And since then, it’s been difficult to do anything. To read anything, to watch anything, to create anything. I thought about posting a blog and then I was like, what do I even say? Nothing makes it better. I can’t read the news, I can’t watch late night shows, social media is tricky at best.

What do you even say? I don’t have wise words about it. I just do what everyone else does. Hope for the best moving forward, continue to vote in a way that protects the whole and me as an individual, and be supportive to those who need extra support. I’m lucky on so many fronts, the main one being I live in California and I know we’ll maintain protections that others will likely lose. Though I’m grateful to live here, there’s also a guilt that comes along with that luck because so many people don’t have that added layer of safety.

So what do you say? Nothing makes this better. Then I fall back on saying nothing, paralyzed into silence. It’s better to leave space for people of color, trans folks, immigrants terrified of mass deportations, activists who excel at organizing… I can amplify other voices, I can donate to good causes, I can keep writing explicit literature, queer literature, subversive literature. Fuck, what is there to say?

Anyway, if you’re out there making your voice heard, I’m proud of you. And if you’re stunned into silence, I understand you. And if you need to take some time to sort out your own head, I don’t blame you. If you’re a writer, I hope you keep writing. If you’re a reader, I hope you keep reading and supporting your favorite writers. And I truly, truly hope things get better not worse.

October in California is unpredictable, but November is autumn. Last month, we swung between cooler days and heatwaves, so to come out this morning in a flannel shirt with a jacket on top feels good, feels right, feels correct. The neighbor across the street has a tree that’s turned bright orange and a few of the pumpkins I grew survived through Halloween, despite critters taking sneaky little bites out of them. All in all, I can’t complain.

Somethings for you to check out:

The Two is a Pattern audiobook is coming out NOVEMBER 12, which is in like, ten days. WILD. Also, Honey in the Marrow on audiobook is on sale through tomorrow, and both are narrated by Anastasia Watley, who really captures the characters so well, I can’t recommend her enough.

Two is a Pattern is available for pre-order through Barnes & Noble or Amazon, so grab it if you can or, of course, request that your library acquire it.

Thank you and good luck to you on the oncoming holiday gauntlet. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Hello again! I’m so excited to tell you that the audiobook for Two is a Pattern is slated to be published on November 12! Once again, it’s read by Anastasia Watley who did such an amazing job with Honey in the Marrow. I’m chuffed. Pre-orders begin in mid-October, so I will be sure to let you know.

I had a lot of people ask about an audiobook version when Two is a Pattern came out in January, so I’m very glad that it’s happening and will find a new audience of people who exclusively listen. Ylva Publishing also let me know that Honey in the Marrow is getting a German audiobook which is like, objectively cool. In German, it’s called Bienen unter der Haut!

On the writing front, I’ve been working on editing a book that will hopefully come out in 2026. I have a lot of projects half-written, which is sometimes the way of things. When I have a lot of irons in the fire, it’s hard to know which one is going to come out first. My health has been somewhat rocky this year, so that always has to take priority.

I was quite stuck with writer’s block for a while, so I dipped my toe back into writing fanfiction and that’s helped unblock me. It’s less serious, takes less brain power, and can be a lot of fun, so it was a good reminder to myself to put less pressure on myself and to not forget to do things for the fun of it.

As we enter autumn and spooky season, I know I will be at my MOST POWERFUL, so watch out world.

Under the seams runs the pain.

-Anne Carson

While I admit to being on the lucky end of the spectrum of American Healthcare users, in that my partner and I both have solid jobs with decent medical coverage, it’s still a hell of a thing to navigate. At the end of last year, we finally ditched Kaiser and moved over to Blue Shield.

Kaiser is fine if you’re healthy. It’s convenient, everything is on one campus, their online interface is pretty good when it comes to making appointments and ordering prescriptions. However, if you have some on going medical issue or got forbid you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, Kaiser is a nightmare. After like, seriously, twelve years of working with Kaiser to try to figure out my health and why it IS the way that it IS, we finally decided that something else couldn’t possibly be worse than constantly being gaslit by Kaiser about what was or was not in my head.

So in January of this year, I had to learn how to navigate an entirely new system. The system assigned me a doctor that I didn’t care for, so it took time to research and find a new one, and then I had to wait for the beginning of the month before I could schedule an appointment with her. Then, she gave me some referrals in March and I could schedule those appointments for July and August respectively.

I’m pretty good at navigating complex systems and bureaucracy because of my job, but I can’t imagine being successful at this if I was working two jobs or had minimum education or didn’t speak English. God, everything is so needlessly difficult.

The good news is, after seven months of no migraine medication, I now have a neurologist and am back on the juice. But I realized I’ve been really, truly, extremely struggling to accomplish things this year and it took me a while to connect that with the constant searing pain in my brain. Probably because of the constant searing pain in my brain, actually. But now that I’m medicated (and medicated at the right dosage, thanks for nothing Kaiser), suddenly I can do things again. Write, edit, sit at a computer.

So hopefully things start to flow a little easier. The fact that I actually want to write is a great sign. I have a lot of irons in the fire; I’ve always been the kind of person to work on multiple projects at once, so it’s always fun to see what makes it to the finish line first.

I hope that not everyone has been struggling as much as I have, but things are looking up! My brain hurts less, I’m suddenly and suspiciously cautiously hopeful about the upcoming election, and with the end of summer comes the beginning of Halloween season, THANK GOD. Truly my time to shine.

I’ve been a bad blogger! I keep opening this post, adding to it, forgetting about it, coming back, looking at it, leaving again. So today, I’m gonna post it. You’ll see!

We nipped away to Disneyland at the beginning of this month. We bought magic key passes on a whim and it was a good thing, too, since Disney halted the sale of them with no warning the other day. We have the lowest level, the Enchant key, which means weekends and most of the summers are blocked out. We live six hours away, and Disney in the heart of summer is unendurable, so it made sense to go with those. But the first week of June was our last chance to go before summer, so we made it happen.

When you work in public service, you almost have to make fun little trips a priority. You give so much of your time, effort, and compassion to the community and it gets heavy, after a while. Last week, we had our big summer reading event that I mostly planned and it was great. We estimate around 1,500 people attended and it was a fabulous library day.

And then the following day, we had three incidents within twenty minutes that required either the paramedics, the cops, or a terse phone call to the city. The library giveth, the library taketh away, I always say.

I did the Sapphic World Book Club podcast and that was super fun, despite sudden technically difficulties on my end. We rallied though! I believe they’ll post all their cool June content soon, so I’ll share a link on socials when my episode is available. I’m also going to do another episode of the Geek Girls Story Salon, which is run by my publishing house sister Jennifer Giacalone. We rescheduled from June to July, which worked out well for both of us, because it was originally scheduled to record on the same day as Bridgerton part two came out and I would have been useless, to be honest. I was too busy thinking about Nicola Coughlan’s perfect breasts. On some level, I will always be thinking about them.

And on that note, I’ve been writing fanfiction again?? While I’ve never officially stopped, I certainly took a step back in order to focus on writing books, but I was starting to really miss it. It hits different, somehow. I often use it as stress release and I hadn’t realized how much I needed that outlet until I started doing it again. So that’s been fun. I can’t afford to spend TOO much time doing it, but I also know now that I can’t drop it completely because it adds something so valuable to my life.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous summer, or at least you have a place to keep cool.

In the last two months, I’ve fought off strep throat and a UTI/Kidney infection, so knowing we had plans to visit my 92-year-old grandmother in Idaho for mother’s day, I played it extra safe to make sure I didn’t pick up anything else before our trip.

Aaaaand then my partner got an eye infection. The universe chuckles at our plans, I fear. We didn’t cancel the trip, but it did mean that I flew out alone and they came later, after 24 hours of being on antibiotics.

We go to Idaho annually, or have since my grandmother moved there in 2020. Since our last trip, she’s moved from my aunt’s house into an independent and assisted senior living facility. It was her choice to do so because she was bored and lonely and it’s been remarkable for her. She has friends, she’s always playing games and doing activities, she doesn’t have to cook and she has a very nice suite with a living area, bedroom, bathroom, and mini kitchen. People are constantly checking on her, taking her vitals, etc. Someone takes out her trash, someone does her laundry, and help is always a cord pull away. It’s comforting to know she’s in a good place and well taken care of.

Idaho as a state is an impressionist painting. So beautiful and idyllic but as you get closer up, it kind of becomes a mess. The extremely republican leadership means social services are severely lacking. There’s nearly no public transportation so the culture is very car heavy. House prices have gone up since so many people are moving there, but the pay is still low. I looked up library job salaries in the town where my grandma lives and their Library Director makes roughly the same as the salary I make as a branch librarian.

We would never move to Idaho and we know that, but it’s hard to be so far from my grandmother in her last years. The first day of our trip is always like, but what if we did move to Idaho? And then by the final day we’re like, we could never. Also, I was more allergic to everything in Idaho this year than I ever have been before. Simply walking outside made my eyes water continuously. I swear I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to everything and I hate their slimy, hard water! I’m just trying to wash my hands, man!

If you live in Idaho, I’m sorry. Your state is so beautiful. I wish it were not so conservative. I’m rooting for you.

I am a Saturday librarian today. By this point in May, everything is Summer Reading for me. We’re prepping prize books, we’re making a display, we’re special ordering banners for the light posts around town. I both co-chair the planning committee and work at the busiest library, so there’s a lot of prep.

Summer Reading is one of those things where I think it’s likely the most important program we have in terms of outreach and enticing readers to come through the doors, but also I’ve been chairing the committee for so long that if someone said we had to cancel summer reading forever, I would attend the funeral in a bright red dress, smoking the first and only cigarette I’ve ever smoked so I can blow the smoke directly into the face of the corpse.

Libraries, like life, are cyclical in nature. We celebrate the same holidays, offer the same kinds of programs seasonally, see the same people come in on their regular day of the week. Though we plan for Summer Reading all year long, around March, my Summer Reading sense perk up and I know it’s time to Get Serious. But I always carve out a little bit of time in the spring to go to Idaho, no matter what’s looming on the horizon.

So that’s where I’ve been. I am writing, after a somewhat long break. I have two projects that I’m alternating between and a third, smaller one that’s been fun and hopefully you’ll see sometime next year. I can’t promise when something new will come out or what it will be, but I’m pecking away over here in my little house on my little street in the golden state.