Sandy Hartranft's Blog: Ben's Kite String

The company I work for asked if I would be willing to be on a panel of men to discuss International Men’s Day on November 19th. To be honest I never heard of International Men’s Day so I asked what it was. The following was the answer: International Men’s Day celebrates worldwide, the positive value men bring to their world, to their families and to their communities. It is an opportunity to highlight positive role models and to raise awareness of men’s well-being.

I was given the opportunity to talk about raising a family and commitment to my career. For me, it has to do with priorities. My first priority is my relationship with God and my savior Jesus and my second is my family (Wife, Kids, Family/Church) and then work. There have been times when work becomes the number 1 priority and I asked my wife Sandy to tell me when my priorities were moving in the wrong direction.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day tasks and forget to take care of yourself. International Men’s day is a reminder that mental and physical health is important. Maybe you start exercising or eating better or spending time with family or trying something new.

On a weekly basis, I meet with a group of men from church for breakfast (early on Saturday mornings). This allowed us to talk about life and encourage one another. Over time, we were able to go beyond the surface talk to deeper things in our lives. Some Saturdays, Sandy would kick me out of bed because she knew it was helping me.

I have three grown sons. My desire was to raise them to become the best men they could be. It would involve me being part of their lives (soccer coach, play parent and Uber dad, which lead to driving instructor). I learned along the way that more things are caught then taught. They were watching and I am so proud of the men they have become.

My youngest is Ben. He was diagnosed with autism at 2 which changed the dynamics of our family. At the time, I did not know what that diagnoses would mean for Ben. If you know Ben, he loves life and loves people. When my wife wrote a book about Ben’s life, “Swinging From the Chandelier: Finding Joy in the Journey Through Autism” I knew I had to write a chapter from a Dad’s perspective. I wanted to know if I could fix the autism, which I learned you can’t. Ben has taught me so much and allowed me to interact with folks I would have never known.

Growing up I remember being told men do not cry or share your feelings. When we can walk along side others that have experienced what we are going thru it is helpful to know we are not alone. Remind yourself of your priorities and seek help if necessary, medical doctor, professional mental health provider, pastor, family and friends. There are resources everywhere if we are not afraid to ask.

Regards,

Glenn

To learn more about Ben's story or or order your copy of “Swinging From the Chandelier: Finding Joy in the Journey Through Autism” please visit our website

benergy1.com

Ben loves to travel and planned a weekend trip to DC before visiting his brother in Baltimore. The trip had a bit of a rocky start when Ben arrived at the Amtrak station only to find his phone was "frozen". Knowing that all of his reservations, maps and trip details where stored on the device, he started to panic. Fortunately, he was able to text through his apple watch and Dan, our tech guru, was able to help him reset his phone.

Dan shared that he knew what the problem was because a random woman stopped him in the Post Office a few weeks back and said

"My phone is not working, can you help me?"

So, Dan took a look, googled the problem on his phone and was able to help her reset the device. (you press the down volume button followed by pressing the up volume button and then hold the other side button continuously until the Apple symbol appears!) Who knew that a random encounter at the post office would help Dan solve Ben's problem in a matter of minutes.

Ben enjoyed his first day visiting many of the museums and monuments. He loves the connections to his favorite movie 1776, all of the locations that were used in National Treasure and then enjoyed an afternoon at the Museum of the Bible.

His second day started with a text and call to mom because he forgot that you can't bring any bags into the White House and he left the hotel with his drawstring bag. We are working really hard at having him solve his own problems and as Dan likes to remind him

"When mom and dad are gone, what will you do?"

Ben finally texted me

"I figured it out, but in the future, I really should use my brain"

He found that he could rent a locker to store his bag and the problem was solved. He enjoyed a guided tour of both the White House and the US Capitol building and the archives where he found the Declaration of Independence!

Ben took the train back to Baltimore, where his brother Glenn lives and they were able to go to the Washington Eagles game together with a few friends. Ben loves to go to away games and watch the whole game which he does not get to do when he works the home games. Thankfully, the Eagles came away with a win, which always makes going to the game more enjoyable!

Ben & Ben!

Overall a wonderful time with family and friends!

Love you more...

Mom

Ben was honored to be invited to the White House to commemorate the 33rd anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act and the 50 anniversary of the Rehabilitation Act. He was allowed to bring 2 guests and decided that he would love to go with his 2 brothers. His oldest brother Glenn lives in Maryland and there is a train that goes right into the heart of D.C. So the plan was set. Dan picked Ben up after the Eagles game he was working and they hopped on I95 and drove to Glenn's house. The next morning they left in plenty of time to catch the train to Washington D.C. only to get to the station and find that it had been cancelled. Always ready to pivot as needed, his brothers ordered an Uber and they were on their way.

It is so amazing to me that Ben is able to now go with the flow of plans in his life. There was a time where this kind of disruption would have derailed him to the point of not being able to accomplish the task or event at hand. Through lots of hard work and practice, he knows that not all plans go as planned and that he will still be able to enjoy events even if they are a bit different than he hoped. We were very deliberate when we would visit amusement parks to not go on the rides in set order so that he would feel comfortable with mixing things up on purpose or by necessity.

The brothers really enjoyed the event and knowing how many of the organizations represented and the Acts themselves helped to shape Ben's present and future. There is just something about standing on the White House lawn eating desserts on White House napkins that transcends political party lines.

When Glenn was ready to high tail it out of the event when it was over, Dan advocated for Ben knowing that he would want to spend time meeting and interacting with all of the guests as well as taking his signature selfie (see last weeks post to learn more about this amazing skill)

Today, Ben is again heading to Washington DC, traveling solo to see the sights and enjoy an actual White House tour. He makes everyone he meets feel like a rock star and I am sure these amazing Amtrak workers smiled bigger and brighter for having met Ben. Stay tuned to next week to see what adventures he found on his trip.

Love you more...

Mom

It is hard to imagine that 5 years have passed since Ben's dream came true and he was a guest on the Ellen show.  I'll never forget when he told me he wanted to be on the show. I was floored, doubting it would ever happen!

"I don't know Ben, I don't know if it's going to happen!"

But Ben, never doubting he could speak his dream into reality, went to work. Through his hard work raising awareness and funds for the Eagles Autism Challenge and the support of many friends and family the producers reached out to Ben. To say that he was excited is an understatement!

The episode aired and Ben was amazing, holding his own in banter against a seasoned host.  He brought such awareness to autism, received thousands of positive comments and we believe many families were encouraged along their journey.  

After his appearance, schools started reaching out asking Ben to come and tell his story and that was the beginning of our fledgling company Benergy1 Presentations.  Benergy is a name that was bestowed on Ben by Mr. Manaro, English teacher extraordinaire, at North Penn High School.  The term really captures the essence of Ben and his positive influence on all that he meets.  People often ask:

"Ben is always that energetic?"

to which I reply

"He is like this or he is asleep!  There is no in between!"  

Ben has had the honor to present at over 180 locations over the past 2 years, to groups ranging in size from 10 to 1500.  Fear of public speaking is at the top of the list for common fears but doesn't exist for Ben.  He is just energized by the group and loves sharing his passion for awareness, inclusion and kindness. 

We have heard stories about students who did not want to disclose their autism now freely sharing because of Ben. We have been told of students who were struggling academically and wanting to give up but after hearing Ben decided, if he could do it, so could they.  It has been so enjoyable to watch a group of adults completely change their demeanor and become fully engaged in Ben's story to the point of giving a standing ovation when it is complete.  Ben's gift is treating everyone he meets like a rock star and changing the way they view the world. 

If you have a business, school or event that would benefit from hearing Ben's story - reach out through www.benergy1.com for more information and in Ben's words

"Go Be The One" to make a difference in someone else's life!

Love you more...

Mom

If you know Ben at all, he is king of the selfies! It is probably the length of his arms at the height of 6'3"! This is my all time favorite. I took a picture of him taking a selfie with his best buddies (Joel Manby and Anthony Esparza) who previously worked at Hershend Family Entertainment. They operate Silver Dollar City and Dollywood and my coaster fanatic son adores these parks and these men.

This picture is one of Ben's favorite Eagles players Brandon Graham. He was able to take this selfie at the ring ceremony for the Super Bowl Champions in 2018. Ben was invited to carry the Lombardi trophy to start the ceremony and when they called to invite him, his pulse went from 77 to 144 on his fitbit! Do you think he was a bit excited and honored?

Ben and his brother Dan had the amazing opportunity to travel together this summer and enjoyed their downtime in the sun and sand away from all the responsibilities of work and home.

Ben participated in his 6th Eagles Autism Challenge this summer. The new Eagles rookies always pass out water along the 5K route and they asked if they could douse Ben with water, all in good fun, when he stopped. Ben didn't mind at all since he was already soaked from the misting rain during the event. What a great group of guys!

Here is Ben hard at work as Game Day Staff during an Eagles home game with his best buddy Tom. Tom is an amazing man who keeps an eye out on Ben and even helps with rides to and from the stadium. This mamma really appreciates those rides, especially on late night games.

Can't forget the recent dream come true to meet a seated president. Ben has had that perseverating thought for many years and now he can check it off the list! (I love the secret service looks in the background!)

And in honor of our Phillies, a picture from last year at the stadium. What a game it was last night to clinch the NLDS series against Atlanta. They kept us on the edge of our seats (and sanity!) the whole game. As Ben always says

"They are going all the way this year!"

May it be the year that it comes true! GO PHILLIES!

Ben has been a fan for a long time!!

Love you more...

Mom

What is the difference between equality and equity? With equality, everyone receives the same opportunities or resources where equity provides tailored resources and opportunities to gain an equal outcome.

I love this picture and I hoped that when I shared it with my boys they understood the message. What often looked like spending extra time with Ben, because of his autism diagnosis, was not loving him more, it was really me just trying to keep him alive!

Some of Ben's finer moments include, eating a stick of butter from the fridge, putting

48 cents in the A drive of my husbands computer, mailing my husbands work badge in the slot between the dishwasher and the countertop and many bathroom floods playing carwash in the sink. We always said:

"If you couldn't see or hear Ben you better go find him!"

We tried very hard to be involved in all of the things our older 2 boys enjoyed. That included many sports teams for Glenn and many art classes for Dan.

We also enjoyed being "play parents" when all of our boys found they loved theater in middle and high school.

We would find out much later that Dan often felt he could not share what he felt were big issues in his life because he saw the much larger issues we were facing with Ben at home. He felt like the problems he was facing were not as important so he just kept them to himself. I so wish I knew that at the time because we certainly wanted to support all of our children in whatever they were feeling. It is a great message to share to others earlier in their journey to encourage all of your children the freedom to express whatever is on their hearts and minds, even if it is hard to hear.

We are so grateful for our 3 wonderful sons and the men they have become with and in spite of the struggles!

Love you more...

Mom

My boys (men) are always making me laugh. Just when you think they are asking for a legitimate hug you find out they are really searching your purse for the tootsie rolls you brought to the performance. Notice Dan's hand in my purse!

This special memory was at my niece's wedding. Glenn jr. loves to dance and even participated in swing dance lessons in college. I love music but have always been a bit shy about getting on the dance floor. They always say "no one is watching" but they really are! Glenn grabbed my hands and we danced together that night and it was a beautiful thing and a precious memory.

Ben is the best public relations guy around and top book sales person of the year. He came home from a visit to Byer's Choice with this photo telling me that Santa was giving out copies of our book this year for Christmas!

Right before COVID, we had our back deck replaced with a cement patio. It was one of the best things we ever did for our home and we have used that patio so much more that we ever used the deck. During COVID we enjoyed many a night eating Al fresco. Glenn jr. has always found pleasure in making strange faces in my precious memories.

My boys all love anime, Pokémon and Glenn jr. is even a dungeon master for D & D. I love that they enjoy their passions and the wonderful friends they have met along the way. They can socialize with friends in other cities and even countries through the magic of the internet.

So we know this van we saw at Six Flags really says Church Van but don't you agree it looks more like Church Dan!!!

This picture will forever make me smile. This is my dad Frank and Glenn's dad Glenn testing out the new playset that they built together with my Glenn. Pure joy! We miss you both so much and are thankful for every memory.

Love you more...

Mom

Ben hates it when he hears the word punish but completely understands that there are consequences for his actions. The word consequences is accepted without a fuss. As parents, we are always teaching our children and sometimes consequences are the best teachers of all.

Natural consequences work the best. It doesn't make sense to make someone write over and over again I will clean up my dishes, but having to make a meal with a dirty plate is a natural consequence. There are times we have asked Ben to write as a consequence but we always use a positive phrase so he knows what to do and not be reminded of what he already did. For example writing "I will use kind words" is positively reinforcing but writing "I will not be mean to my brother" doesn't tell him what you want him to do. Writing consequences also help with handwriting practice. Two for one!

One night Glenn Jr. was teasing Ben about something and as a consequence of his behavior we required him to attend Ben's Special Olympics basketball practice with us. We were going anyway and it did not inconvenience us at all but it changed Glenn's life. We always say it was one of the best consequences we ever thought up! Glenn fell in love with the participants and ended up coaching for 2 years until he went away to college. Glenn and Dan have always felt super comfortable around anyone with a disability having been immersed in the disability world early in their childhood. While other people would shy away from the student in the wheelchair at church, Glenn would be caught zooming them up and down the hallways to loud laugher and squealing.

As Thomas Jefferson said “When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.” Try to not blurt out a consequence before you have had time to stop and think. If you say something too quickly you have to follow through or you lose credibility. Taking time to consider the consequence allows you to put a plan in place that will help the child learn and not punish you instead.

Life can be hard, and training a child in the way he should go can be exhausting, but there are lessons that need to be taught and behavior held accountable that can make a world of difference in the long haul!

Hang in there!

Mom

My mom surprised us all when she found love again at the age of 83! She started talking about her "special friend" and when she asked to bring Lenny to Thanksgiving dinner we knew something was up. Both mom and Lenny lost their lifelong spouses to Parkinson's disease within the same year and they met while lovingly caring for their 50+ year married partners in personal care.

Many times at a wedding you will see strollers lined up outside of the sanctuary. At mom's second wedding the hallway was lined with walkers! Elm Terrace Gardens grab onto this wonderful and uplifting story and went all out to make their wedding day something special and special it was. Ben was asked to be the ring bearer and at 6' 3" I'm pretty confident that he is the tallest in history!

Mom looked like a princess complete with tiara. There was a full size wedding cake and a live band to complete the day. They honeymooned at Niagara Falls where Lenny had never been. The only time he had ever left Pennsylvania was when he was sent to Europe during WW 2.

Lenny was one of a kind, loved to tell a good story and made the best companion for mom. We were so grateful they had each other through the hard years of the pandemic when loneliness would have been a tremendous burden. Lenny always called Ben "Amazing Ben" and was never ceased to be amazed at all that he was experiencing and accomplishing.

This hat says "Don't forget my senior discount!" and Lenny laughed and laughed when he opened it for Christmas. He wore it proudly whenever they ate out so he didn't have to ask!

We sadly lost Lenny in 2022 but not until after he and mom had celebrated 5 wonderful years of marriage together. So grateful for love and companionship at any age!

Love you more...

Mom

When you marry, there are many pieces of your single life that you bring with you to the marriage and impact the decisions you make and how you shape your life together. One big area is how you vacationed as a child. Glenn grew up camping and has wonderful memories of the family times spent together in their pop-up camper and the places they visited.

Our family spent vacations in hotels. One cross country trip we took had a general direction of where we were going and places to visit and my dad had the Holiday Inn guide book every step of the way.

As we would get close to a town he would whip out the book and find the nearest Holiday Inn and that is where we would land. These were also the years before seatbelts were mandated and my brother, sister and I lay in the back of our station wagon all the way to California and back.

One year, my parents decided that it might be fun to try camping and they bought a pop-up trailer and a hitch for our station wagon. The first campsite found us in shock in the morning when we awoke to find that we had parked on the side of a steep cliff that we didn't notice in the dark when we pulled in and set up. Thankfully, no harm was done.

As it turned out the Kanas' were not campers. Mostly my mom, who felt that it was not a vacation at all. She still had to prep and prepare all the meals, wash all the dishes, take care of all the things she would have at home and all without a nice airconditioned room or private bathroom.

The trailer was up for sale less than a year later.

Glenn and I went tent camping for our 6 month wedding anniversary. We were playing battleship the old fashion way on graph paper and we heard from a tent nearby:

"Mom, what are they doing in there?"

to which the mom replied

"They are playing battleship."

Needless to say, that is all we played that night!

We have taken some amazing vacations with our boys and have thousands of memories and pictures to match. Most of them, to Glenn's chagrin, are from hotels!

It doesn't matter how you spend your time together, the most important thing is to spend time together and make those memories!

Love you more...

Mom