Charlie Blakely's Blog

I decided to start this blog as a follow on from my book. A book I wrote to help victims of narcissistic abuse. I wrote the book due to the limitations I found working for the NHS, (where I’d been a mental health worker for 4 years.)

I was excited, full of passion and enthusiasm when I started. I was looking forward to finally being able to create something positive out of the struggles from my past. I wanted to ‘change poison into medicine’ – a Buddhist philosophy meaning to transform our suffering into something that benefits others. I was idealistic and hopeful.

I quickly learned that there was a wall of silence when it came to the diagnosis of NPD. Few mental health professionals understood the disorder, because it isn’t on the curriculum of most mental health education courses.
I witnessed people with obvious narcissistic traits be diagnosed with other disorders, as if everyone was blind to the reality of their behaviour.

When I asked for staff to be trained around NPD I was told that it was too difficult for us to understand! Another wall of silence.
When I asked someone else why nobody was ever diagnosed with NPD despite their obvious traits I was told that there is no point giving the diagnosis, because it wouldn’t help them. ‘They can’t change, and are unlikely to ever engage in any meaningful therapy’. I was told by yet another senior colleague, that it’s because they’re all in forensic services. Meaning their narcissism is only addressed and challenged once their behaviour escalates to criminal behaviour. So much for ‘proactive support’!

At first I assumed I was dealing with incompetence. Now, after 4 years, I espouse the theory that the stonewalling regarding NPD is deliberate. Not by those on the front line, not even by line managers. But from others, so high up they remain invisible and unaccountable. The NHS is a business, like all corporations. They have an enmeshed relationship with big pharma that benefits big pharma.

I’ve spoken to many patients with anxiety and depression. A common experience is that they are offered medication as the primary solution to emotional distress, with therapy being an afterthought. Anti-depressants are still being prescribed many months after a study was released confirming that anti-depressants have little to no effect, because the cause of depression is not a chemical imbalance in the brain, after all. Before y’all come at me – I’m simply stating a verified study. Not my personal opinion.

It’s a fact, (and self-aware narcissists such as youtuber Lee Hammock will testify to this), that the aim of narcissists is to crush the self-esteem of others, so that they will become dependent. The narcissist has a debilitating fear of abandonment, so this is their maladaptive strategy, to make sure they are not left.

I’ve spoken to enough victims of narcissistic abuse over the years to see that there is undoubtedly a correlation between those with NPD and those they are close to, developing mental/ physical health issues and addiction issues. When a person’s intent is to destroy the self-esteem of another, the consequence for their victim is often anxiety and/or depression, alcoholism, and/or a host of other health issues.

It is therefore my belief that the person with NPD is providing the NHS with a stream of damaged victims, i.e. patients, i.e. profit for big pharma. That is the reason I believe the NHS will never have any discussion around treating NPD. It is too lucrative for them and their business associates to continue as they are.

What do you all think about that??

‘Living with cognitive dissonance daily causes a kind of ‘brain fog. For me, this led to the classic ‘freeze’ response – psychological, emotional, and sometimes physical paralysis. My reaction to abuse was often to say and do nothing, because I often felt nothing. I was numb and in a disassociated state for much of my life’.

(Introduction, The Lost Child – a story of recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, by Charlie Blakely)