Jaime Bronstein's Blog

Struggles in any relationship cause undue stress and uncertainty. If partners are not hearing each other or feeling validated, it can spell doom that neither party believes is salvageable. Couples therapy can benefit a couple, but it’s also a field that not everyone believes could possibly help.

Verywell Mind surveyed 1,106 adults about their experiences with couples therapy, and 99% said it had a positive impact. Of those people, 94% say it was worth the money. It does work if you trust in your therapist and complete exercises honestly and regularly.

One of the questions couples ask when deciding if couples therapy is the best path forward is if it even works. I get it. It’s hard to put your faith in a stranger, even if that stranger is a relationship expert. The answer to that popular question is it doesn’t work for everyone. You need to carefully consider the answers to these questions to determine if it’s the right choice for you.

What are your expectations? If you expect to have your problems resolved after one meeting and refuse to invest a lot of time into it, it’s probably not the right choice.How open is each problem? If you’re going to shut down and refuse to open up or be honest with yourself, your partner, and your therapist, you won’t find it effective.Are you ready to make changes in your habits and life? If you’re unwilling to change how you speak, behave, or react, it won’t work.The Pros of Couples Therapy

When you’re willing to invest the time and energy into couples therapy, there are clear benefits.

Conflicts Get Resolved

You learn ways to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. Instead of one person shutting down, you learn how to navigate the challenges and find solutions that both parties can agree to.

You Become Close Again If Not Closer Than Before

One of the best outcomes of couples therapy is that you regain the closeness and even passion that you lost. If it’s been a while since you’ve felt like intimacy is even worth it, it can be exciting to regain that closeness. It boosts your self-esteem, self-worth, and value as a couple.

You Build Healthy Communication Skills

Couples therapy helps you work on communication and listening skills. Instead of interrupting or speaking over each other, you learn how to listen and how to be heard in healthy, effective ways. Another beneficial aspect of improving your communication skills is that you 

You Can Analyze Your Relationship and Come to Joint Decisions

Not every relationship is a healthy one. With couples therapy, you work together to take a deeper look at the relationship and determine if it’s a healthy one. It’s okay to realize that a relationship has run its course, and it’s just as acceptable to realize you both want to save it.

You Gain Insights Into Yourself and What You Want

Couples therapy isn’t just about your relationship. It also helps you find your faults and strengths within the relationship so that you see where there’s room to grow. Self-awareness is a very good trait to gain from this therapy as it helps you with stress management and finding better ways of coping with change and problems.

Additionally, it can help you find what you want. It’s easy to put another person’s needs first when you’re in a relationship, but failing to recognize your needs is detrimental. Couples therapy helps you see what you need for this relationship to thrive.

The Cons of Couples Therapy

While there are many clear benefits to couples therapy, there are also negatives. You have to weigh the pros and cons to decide if it’s right for you. Sometimes, the negatives are easily transformed into positives, so don’t forget that aspect of therapy.

If Both Parties Aren’t Onboard, It’s Not Going to Work

You’re eager to attend couples therapy, but your partner doesn’t care. You feel like you have to drag your partner to sessions and then he or she shuts down and won’t participate. It’s not going to work, but you could consider going for counseling on your own.

It’s Costly

Couples therapy isn’t cheap. Your health insurance isn’t going to cover it, so you’re paying the cost out of pocket. If it takes 10 sessions to start seeing big improvements and you’re spending hundreds of dollars per session, it can quickly drain your savings if you aren’t giving therapy an honest attempt.

It’s Too Late

If the relationship is over, it’s over. Even with the best therapist, not every relationship can be salvaged. It’s worth a try, and a therapist can help you see how to assess when it’s better to part amicably than try to save a sinking ship.

The Therapist Isn’t the Right Fit

Not everyone meshes, and that’s a risk when you’re working with a therapist for the first time. If you’re not a good fit, you have to start over. This is why you want to look for a therapist who offers a complimentary introductory session. If one isn’t right for you, try another without fear of running up massive bills.

You Have Unrealistic Expectations

Couples therapy isn’t a one-and-done venture. It’s not a quick fix. It’s an investment of time. It can take months, and some couples keep going for check-ins every few months just to keep everything on track. If you’re not patient and expect results on the first day, it’s not going to work well for you.

Where to Start

The best place to get started is by scheduling an appointment. With options for online sessions or in-person ones, you aren’t tied to getting to an office together at a specific time. You can schedule online sessions at your convenience from where you’re comfortable. If you don’t want to be in the same room so that you have a little more courage to speak your mind, you can arrange online therapy to give you that space.

Remember that even if you aren’t certain your relationship will last, couples therapy does help you improve your communication and listening skills in future relationships. It’s still worthwhile for the personal growth you achieve.

One of the best ways to determine if couples therapy is right for you is to schedule an initial consultation. The Relationship Expert offers a free 15-minute consultation for new clients. Discuss your goals, problems you’re having, and find out how Jaime can help you form a closer, successful relationship.

The post Does Couples Therapy Actually Work? The Pros & Cons appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

Dating today isn’t the same as it used to be. The modern dating world is a tricky landscape where you’re swiping left or right, searching profiles online, hoping you’re not being catfished, and learning that the person you’ve been talking to didn’t represent themselves with honesty. Because it’s a challenging venture, some people turn to dating coaches and therapists for guidance.

Despite what you may have heard, a dating coach isn’t a therapist and a therapist isn’t a dating coach. They have independent roles when it comes to relationships. Whether you need a dating coach or a therapist depends on your situation. By understanding the differences between these roles, you’re in a better place to get the support you need.

What Is a Dating Coach?

You know the role of a coach on a sports team, right? A dating coach is a coach for dating and relationships. The goal is to improve your self-confidence and self-esteem, navigate new romances, and master the best dating techniques. Through role-playing and modification of past behaviors, you’ll learn:

How to approach and attract potential dates.Tips for arranging the first date.How to hold meaningful conversations.Ways to behave and not to behave during a date.How to know if a person isn’t the right fit.Tips for flirting and going from the first date to becoming intimate.

All of this is just for dating and the move towards intimacy.  A dating coach is a short-term approach for getting into or back into the modern dating world.

A dating coach does not have to be certified. You may find certified coaches, but it’s not required in the U.S. 

What Is a Relationship Therapist?

That’s a brief look at what a dating coach does. How does a relationship therapist differ? First, a relationship and marriage therapist usually has to be licensed in some form of marriage and family therapy and counseling. 

State requirements vary, but most require you to graduate with a degree in marital and family counseling, thousands of hours of supervised work with clients, and passage of an exam. Many states have a two-stage license where you start as an associate and then after completing the supervised hours pass an exam and move to an official therapist who still has to undergo additional months of supervision.

After licensure and supervised therapy sessions, relationship therapists have to also complete a specific number of hours of continuing education to get their license renewed. Those requirements are:

Alabama – 40 hours every two years for an LMFT license, 20 hours for an Associate licenseAlaska – 45 hours every two yearsArizona – 30 hours every two yearsArkansas – 24 hours every two yearsCalifornia – 36 hours every two yearsColorado – 40 hours every two yearsConnecticut – 15 hours every yearDelaware – 40 hours every two yearsFlorida – 30 hours every two years, but exempt on your first renewalGeorgia – 35 hours every two years and 5 hours must be in ethicsHawaii – 45 hours every two years and 6 hours must be in ethicsIdaho – 20 hours every two yearsIllinois – 30 hours every two yearsIndiana – 30 hours every two years for an Associate and 40 hours for an LMFT with that time cut in half if your first renewal happens before you’ve been licensed for 24 monthsIowa – 40 hours every two yearsKansas – 40 hours every two yearsKentucky – 15 hours every year for an LMFT and 10 hours for an AssociateLouisiana – 20 hours every two years for a PLMFT or 40 hours for an LMFTMaine – 55 hours every two yearsMaryland – 40 hours every two yearsMassachusetts – 30 hours every two yearsMichigan – No requirementMinnesota – 40 hours every two yearsMississippi – 24 hours every two years and 4 hours must be in ethicsMissouri – 20 hours every two years Montana – 20 hours every yearNebraska – 32 hours every two years and LIMPH and LMHPs must have 2 hours of mental health ethicsNevada – 20 hours every yearNew Hampshire – 40 hours every two yearsNew Jersey – 40 hours every two yearsNew Mexico – 40 hours every two years and 6 hours must be in ethicsNew York – 36 hours every two yearsNorth Carolina – 20 hours every yearNorth Dakota – 30 hours every two yearsOhio – 30 hours every two yearsOklahoma – 20 hours every yearOregon – 40 hours every two yearsPennsylvania – 30 hours every two yearsRhode Island – 40 hours every two yearsSouth Carolina – 40 hours every two years and 25 hours cannot be onlineSouth Dakota – 40 hours every two yearsTennessee – 10 hours per yearTexas – 15 hours every two years for Associate and 30 hours for LMFTUtah – 40 hours every two yearsVermont – 20 hours every two yearsVirginia – 20 hours every yearWashington – 18 hours every year for Associate and 36 hours every two years for LMFTWest Virginia – 36 hours every two yearsWisconsin – 30 hours every two years and 4 hours must be in ethics and professional boundariesWyoming – 45 hours every two years

The reason for the educational and clinical supervision requirements is because a therapist specializes in mental health. They help people work through issues that impact relationships, such as:

Past relationship traumaNegative, harmful patternsEmotional issues that impact relationshipsImproving communication skillsLack of intimacy or passionContinual argumentsHow Do You Know Which Relationship Service Is Best for Your Needs?

You may need both a dating coach to start and a relationship therapist once you’re entering into a long-term relationship or marriage. The key to remembering which is best is whether you need help getting started with dating or if you’re struggling to remain in a relationship due to emotional issues or past trauma in a relationship.

Remember dating coaches are for successful dating. Therapists help you maintain a relationship you’ve entered and want to make a long-term success.

The Relationship Expert is a licensed clinical social worker with a BA in psychology and a Spiritual Psychology certificate. You may have seen or heard Jaime on KTLA5, WPIX 11 News, LATV, and WGN Radio Chicago.

She’s an expert in dating success and maintaining healthy relationships as a couple. Jaime helps daters and couples with services that include dating coaching, couples therapy, and marriage counseling. Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation as a new client and learn more about how she can help you with dating and relationships.

The post Dating Coach vs. Therapist: What’s the Difference? appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

True love is more than a feeling. There’s also the communication style you use that expresses your love on an emotional level. Yet, so many couples struggle with how to express love. Love languages are something just out of reach that could help make many marriages fulfilling, life-long achievements. 

As an online marriage therapist, The Relationship Expert is the #1 expert in love languages. Take the journey to learn how to use them to strengthen your bond with your partner.

A Breakdown of What the Five Love Languages Are

There are five love languages used in marriage therapy that prove useful in forming an emotional bond in a marriage. Explore them below.

Acts of Service

Doing things to help out is what an act of service is. Helping a partner without being asked is one of the best forms of expressing love. Your wife was up all night with a colicky infant, and you know she’s exhausted. You could make breakfast and offer to take the infant for a walk so that she can take her time showering and getting dressed.

Gift Giving

Surprise gifts are a nice way to show your love and appreciation. You know your husband has been dying to see a movie that’s coming out. Buy tickets and take him out to see it without telling him in advance. Make it a surprise night out. Your wife loves a specific musician and you learn that artist is coming to town. Purchase tickets and hide them in a dozen roses. Surprise your wife with them when you get home from work.

Random, unexpected gifts are going to make an impression. It helps your spouse feel appreciated and valued.

Physical Touch

Touch is important in maintaining a strong relationship, too. You don’t want your spouse thinking that the only time it’s worth touching them is when they want sex. Physical touch needs to happen regularly. A hand on the small of the back as you pass in the hallway, or hold hands while walking the dog. 

Quality Time

Quality time is especially important. It’s easy to get lost in a routine of work, household chores, kids’ needs, and family demands. As often as possible, at least twice a month, set aside quality time where it’s just the two of you.

Don’t forget that as much as it’s important to be together, it’s also important for your spouse to have time alone. Self-care is just as important as it sets the stage for a positive mood that makes quality time enjoyable. If you ensure there is a path for your spouse to have time for self-care, it can increase the odds of having quality moments together.

Verbal Expressions

Being told you look great, that your outfit is a fantastic color, or that you’re a fantastic cook are all verbal expressions that help your partner feel appreciated and good about themselves. A verbal expression isn’t something that should be forced. It should come naturally and at random moments. 

How Do You Identify and Use the Five Love Languages Each Day

That’s what love languages are, how can you use them every day? Here’s an example. You’re the first one up each morning, so you get the coffee set up and ready to brew as soon as you hear your spouse stirring. You’re surprising her with her favorite breakfast, too, and have the batter ready for Belgian waffles with strawberries and cream. (Gift Giving)

After she showers and gets dressed, you compliment how her blue shirt makes her eyes pop. (Verbal Expressions) You know she has to spend time helping her mom shop for groceries and run errands. Once she leaves, you get dinner going in the slow cooker. You also order groceries for delivery while she’s out and tackle what you can from her to-do list. (Acts of Service)

When she arrives back home later, she’s happily surprised to see she can sit down and enjoy dinner. You give her a shoulder massage and tell her to go take a bath while you do the dishes. (Physical Touch) She’s relaxed and appreciates everything you did to help her out. That’s one of the best ways to end a day.

The Benefits of Utilizing Love Languages in Your Marriage

When you use love languages as often as you can, hopefully daily, you improve communication and form a strong emotional connection. It makes your spouse feel appreciated and loved, which is fulfilling. It also helps your spouse feel respected and valued, both important for a relationship.

Happily married couples don’t deal with as much conflict and frustration. No relationship will be 100% conflict-free, but when you know how to connect emotionally, conflicts can be resolved maturely and respectfully.

Love Languages Are Not Enough: Additional Tips From The Relationship Expert

While it’s important to form an emotional connection, love languages are not enough. It’s equally important for couples to build strong communication skills. Does this sound familiar?

You are having a tough day at work and aren’t looking forward to cooking dinner. You reach out to your husband and talk about how difficult a day you’ve had and how you’re exhausted. You hope he’ll infer from that that you want him to have takeout ordered and ready to eat when you get home.

Hours later, you arrive home and find that he’s watching the game with his beer. He’s not ordered anything, and he asks you what’s for dinner. You’re upset, and it’s time to give him the silent treatment because he didn’t read your mind. Had you communicated your needs better, this entire situation could have been avoided. 

Effective communication is important in a happy marriage, too. You need to be able to communicate, but you also need to know how to resolve conflicts constructively. 

When you use love languages, effective communication, and constructive conflict resolution, you end up with a marriage that’s on solid ground. It can be hard to see that from within your marriage. Sometimes, it’s helpful to work with a marriage expert.

Jaime believes in the law of attraction and knows there is the perfect person out there for people who believe true love exists. She has four main rules:

Listen to yourself.Love yourself.Trust yourself.And, most importantly, follow your lead.

She offers online sessions via Zoom if you can’t get to her office. Or, schedule a session to meet her in person and discuss how to decode the love language.

The post Decoding Love Languages: The Expertise of an Online Marriage Therapist appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

Life is busy enough. Between work, family obligations, time with your friends, and household chores, dating adds another complex layer to the things you try to accomplish each week. You don’t have time to spend wading through poor matches. How do you craft the perfect dating profile to ensure you’re matched with people you want to get to know better?

With so many people using online dating sites, you want a profile that stands out. It needs to be accurate, informative, and appealing. It needs to capture exactly who you are and what you want in a partner. My tips are going to help you create a dating profile that stands out and captures the attention of compatible matches.

Dating Profiles Are Not One Size Fits All

One of the biggest mistakes people make involves building one profile and copying and pasting it to every dating site. That doesn’t work because different platforms focus on different aspects of a profile. Some sites, such as Tinder, focus more on pictures, while OkCupid is more about your written bio. eHarmony urges people to be very specific and answer all questions with at least a few sentences. 

You need to write different bios for each site. Make sure you have quality photos and descriptive paragraphs that tell your story in a positive, friendly way. Read other profiles and pick the ones that stand out to you. Analyze what they did that makes you react positively to it. Then, go back and look at your profile and tweak it on each site as necessary.

After writing your profile, make sure you circle back and update it each month. People are always growing and changing, and you want to keep your profile fresh with the latest information. For example, if you tried Ethiopian food at a new restaurant and can’t get enough of it, that could be an update to your hobbies and passions.

Tell Your Story With Honesty But Stay Positive

As you craft your bio, it’s where you’re telling people who you are. Make sure you are honest. While you might think a few white lies make you look better, you’ll end up getting caught as a liar and that’s not going to win you any suitable dates. It’s better to be honest from the start. Hit these markers to draft the ideal profile.

A Memorable Opening Line

Write a one-liner that reflects exactly who you are, whether that’s your wit or your passion for poetry, and showcase it. If you’re a little nervous and dealing with the butterflies that come with nerves, share it. You’re not alone, and that connection can be a good way for others to realize you have something in common.

Be Yourself

Don’t make up a fictitious version of yourself. Carrying a few extra pounds? Many others do, too, so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If a potential other is turned off by it, you’re better off without them. Embarrassed that you don’t have a high-paying executive position. Whatever you do is just as vital, so embrace who you are. If you’re not sure how to answer a question,  try anyway and be honest as you do. 

For example, there’s a question about “What are you looking for?” and you’re not sure what you’re looking for. Don’t give a cliched answer that’s the same as everyone else. You would talk about how you’re not 100% sure, but right now, you simply want to explore and make connections. 

Skip the Negativity

Like many of us, you might have had your heart broken. Don’t mention that. Stay positive in your profile. You’re not here to dwell on the negative, you’re here to showcase who you are in an upbeat, positive way.

Talk About the Things You Love

Ideally, you’re here to find the right match. Share the things you enjoy and that make you tick. What are you passionate about? Cover your hobbies and quickly mention why that hobby is important. Do you love playing miniature golf and make it a point to go to every course you can find? Share it!

As you do share who you are and what you love, be descriptive. Avoid generic language. It’s time to be descriptive and paint a picture

Be Succinct

For most dating apps, you’re not writing a novel. Be succinct and come up with clear answers that express who you are in no more than a few sentences. If you get too wordy, people aren’t going to want to keep reading.

Answer All Prompts

When a dating site has prompts for you to answer, choose the ones that best fit your interests, personality, and life values. It’s your time to engage and shine, and you want to do it in a couple of sentences. As you do, make sure you’re keeping the same tone of positivity and even humor if you’re that type of person. You want to catch attention and create a hook that keeps people reading.

Be Honest About Deal-Breakers

Everyone has deal-breakers, and you want to be honest about yours. As you do, make sure you’re gracious about it and don’t label others with those quirks as being bad or gross people. Everyone is different, so you want to put a positive spin on your deal-breakers.

Common deal-breakers include children or people who own a certain type of pet (you’re allergic to cats but not dogs, so cats are a deal-breaker). You might not want to be with someone who eats meat if you’re vegan, or in the opposite situation and love meat and can’t see yourself with a vegan. 

You dislike professional sports and don’t want to be with someone who watches every sport imaginable and never leaves the house on game days. Be honest about those deal-breakers from the start. At the same time, be open to trying new things if it’s not a full deal-breaker.

Tips for Choosing Photos

Before you upload images, make sure they’re quality vs. quantity. You do want a few photos, but they need to be quality images. Ideally, upload between four and six photos that show who you are, and that means profile images, full body shots, and candid images where you’re enjoying something you’re passionate about. 

If you love the beach, a photo of you looking off to the sunset over the water is an alluring take on your passion and shows your full body at the same time. That’s an idea for a candid image that shows a lot about you.

As you choose your images, make sure you’re smiling in them and not frowning or pulling the past trend of the duck face. The duck face makes people look juvenile and doesn’t show originality at all. Smile and do your best to look natural. 

Create a Call to Action

End your profile with a call to action. Consider asking a question that engages potential matches to answer your question. That gets a discussion started and helps draw people in. You could end with a descriptive sentence of your ideal date and ask potential matches to reach out and share what their ideal date looks like.

It’s Time to Proofread, Edit, and Proofread Again

Now that you’re done, it’s time to proofread and make any corrections. Read your profile backward and out loud to catch errors you might otherwise overlook. 

Consider adding a free grammar-checking app like Grammarly or Ginger as a backup. They offer free apps you can add to your browser, Google Drive, or Microsoft Office.

Bring in a Pro

Even the best writer can struggle to create a successful dating profile. Don’t be afraid to admit it’s difficult to portray the best version of yourself while remaining positive and honest. The Relationship Expert is the dating coach you need on your side. I can help you take a deep dive into who you are and how to best represent yourself on dating apps.

The post Crafting the Perfect Dating Profile: Tips From a Dating Coach appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

Traditionally, a marriage was to last a lifetime. However, staying married to the same person for decades isn’t always easy. As you age, your visions and interests change. That can test even the strongest marriage.

Using statistics provided by the U.S. Census, Arkansas and Idaho have the nation’s highest divorce rates at about 11 per 1,000 women. Overall, the nation’s divorce rate is about 6.9 out of every 1,000 women. It’s lower than in 2011, which is good news. Marriage therapy plays an important role in saving marriages.

Marriage therapy is only effective if both parties regularly attend sessions. This can be difficult when work schedules conflict. It might be easy for you to get to a session that’s near your office, but your spouse works an hour in the opposite direction. You might find it impossible to attend a session when you are at home with children. This is why online marriage therapy is valuable and something you must consider if you want to save your marriage.

The Top Reasons Marriages Fail

What are the leading reasons people list when filing for divorce? Forbes Advisor completed a survey and found:

43% had a lack of family support.34% experienced infidelity or affairs.31% felt a lack of compatibility.31% felt a lack of intimacy.31% felt there was too much arguing and conflict.24% experienced financial strain.23% felt there was a lack of commitment.20% dealt with parenting conflicts.10% felt they married too young.6% had differing values or morals.3% dealt with drug or alcohol abuse.3% experienced domestic violence.1% wanted to pursue a different lifestyle.

Many marriages are crumbling for multiple reasons. You might find that your marriage’s issues are part of your spouse’s refusal to stop drinking, your desire for more intimacy, and the combination of those leading up to constant arguments. This gives you three areas to address and work on resolving.

The most common signs that a marriage is in peril are avoidance of each other, disrespect, continual arguing, constant criticism, and general disinterest in a partner. If you’re experiencing any of those, marriage counseling can help.

How Online Marriage Therapy Works

With traditional marriage counseling, you go to a therapist’s office together and talk about the things that work and don’t work in your marriage. You learn communication skills, how to be open and honest, and what to do to continue building a strong relationship.

Because online marriage therapy doesn’t take place in the therapist’s office, it’s often easier for people to speak openly when they’re in a safe setting. A bedroom, home office, den, or living room can be a comforting place to sit and talk to a therapist and spouse without having to be face-to-face. 

Marriage counseling is meant to help you, so it shouldn’t be sessions that make you feel anxious. If you have social anxiety, which is more common than you might think. Mental Health America reports that 15 million Americans have social anxiety disorder. Therapy sessions can be through video chat, but emails and chat can be useful if being on camera keeps you from wanting to seek help.

You need to tell your therapist about the things that cause panic and stress. There are always solutions that ensure you get the help you need.

Online marriage therapy isn’t a one-and-done type of therapy. It can take months of sessions to start seeing improvements. Not everyone will be helped, though the goal is always for therapy to be as effective as possible. It can take baby steps, and both parties need to participate. Marriage is a two-person union, so it takes two to fix any issues. 

You might not feel that you shoulder any of the blame. Your spouse feels differently, and you need to respect that. Listen openly and without judgment, which can be tough, and learn valuable skills from your therapist to better understand how to make the necessary changes.

Tips for Making Marriage Counseling Work For You

What are the best ways to make the most of online marriage counseling? Follow these tips.

Ask Questions – If you hear something and have a question, jot the question down and ask it after the other speaker has completed his or her thought. No question is too silly to ask. 

Avoid Negativity – It’s hard but try to avoid blame, shame, and attacks. Instead, point out the things that bother you with “I” statements, meaning rephrasing statements to state why something makes you upset rather than a “you upset me because” approach.

Be Honest – If you have complaints and frustrations, share them. Don’t hold back due to embarrassment or an attempt to not hurt your spouse’s feelings.

Don’t Hog the Floor Time – When it’s your spouse’s turn to speak, remember it’s your turn to listen. Don’t cut in and take over. When you’re speaking, be mindful of how much time you’re taking. Ideally, you and your spouse should get equal time.

Focus on Your Needs – Are you a people pleaser who is always doing things for others and not focusing on yourself? It’s time to stop. Talk about what you need from the marriage, not what you think you should be contributing. Don’t focus on what your spouse needs to change. Work on what you need and let your spouse work on what they need.

Show Respect – Be respectful of your therapist and spouse. Don’t cut people off. Wait your turn. Watch your language and avoid negativity, profanity, and insults.

Consider This

Once divorced, people said if they’d had a better understanding of marital commitment, their marriage may have survived. A lot of couples also said waiting longer to start a family, better understanding the partner’s values, and seeking marriage counseling would have made a difference.

If the only thing keeping you from marriage counseling is your busy schedule, you need to look at online marriage therapy. You attend sessions online in the most comfortable setting and when it’s convenient for you.

You no longer have to leave work early or arrive late. You don’t have to find a babysitter or bring your kids to a friend or family member’s home. You don’t have to drive hours to the therapist’s office and then make the long trip back home. 

The Relationship Expert works with your schedule so that both you and your spouse enjoy the least stressful experience possible. You’re in a setting that you find comfortable, which makes you more likely to open up and talk about the things you like and the problems you have. From there, work on open communication and being completely honest with each other. 

The post Finding Peace Together: Online Marriage Counseling at Home appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

I was interviewed for a Glam.com article on “Dexting” which got me thinking about how common this phenomenon is! My clients do this frequently until they realize how detrimental it can be!

In an era where technology constantly reshapes our social landscape, the positive and negative aspects of digital communication become increasingly evident. There is a new trend known as “Dexting”—a blend of texting and dating, where individuals initiate and maintain relationships through digital means without meeting in person. While growing connections across screens, this phenomenon raises intriguing questions about the nature of modern relationships.

“Dexting” allows for developing emotional bonds as people explore the depths of their connections through apps, supplemented by calls and video chats. Nurturing a relationship before physical meetings is appealing, offering a foundation built on emotional and intellectual compatibility.

HOWEVER, the charm of “Dexting” comes with its caveats. Letting these digital-only interactions stretch beyond a month or so poses several challenges:

1. The Limitations of Digital Chemistry:True compatibility transcends digital interactions. The essence of a connection—its energy and chemistry—can only be fully assessed in person. While “Dexting” can reveal a lot about a potential partner, the face-to-face encounters truly test the bond’s strength and authenticity.

2. The Pitfalls of Prolonged “Dexting”: Extended periods of Dexting without meeting can lead to invested emotions in a connection that might lack physical chemistry. Discovering a lack of in-person compatibility after months of emotional investment can be disheartening.

 

3. Avoidance as a Red Flag: Consistently dodging opportunities to meet might indicate deeper issues. Whether it’s a sign of deceit, a hidden relationship, or an unwillingness to commit,  avoidance could undermine the very foundation of trust and transparency that’s crucial in a relationship.

My recommendation….meet as soon as possible!

Meeting each other early in the dating process serves multiple purposes. It accelerates the discovery of mutual chemistry and mitigates the risks of emotional investment in potentially incompatible connections. While not a cure-all for all dating mismatches, early meetings can foster healthier relationships or promptly clarify the absence of a romantic future.

While “Dexting” is an innovative way to connect in our digital age, navigating this trend with awareness is essential. Embrace the possibilities it offers for emotional connection, but also recognize the importance of transitioning from digital dialogues to real-world interactions. This balanced approach ensures that we’re not just falling for a digital persona, but connecting with a genuine person with whom we can share tangible, real-life moments. Isn’t that what life is all about?

Human connection is why we live as there’s no better feeling than to connect with someone, especially romantically!

Wishing you a life filled with real connections that enliven you and bring you joy!

If you have any questions or you’d like some coaching, feel free to contact me HERE! 

With Love,

Jaime

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In the U.S., about three out of five people remain friends after a breakup. There’s a solid foundation for friendship, so what made the relationship end? A number of things can happen, and one of the biggest is the breakup of first-time parents. Parenting is hard, and it requires a cohesive unit, especially when sleep deprivation is happening. That’s just one reason for a breakup. Others include:

Bad habitsCheatingFinancial strugglesLack of affectionLack of communicationLack of supportLyingMisdirected angerToxic behaviors

The good news is that an American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy study found that close to three out of four couples who go to couples therapy feel that their relationship improves. Nine out of 10 feel that their emotional health improves. Both of those are important benefits. Couples therapy makes a difference, but you have to give it a try.

Top Reasons Why Couples Avoid Therapy

If therapy is beneficial, why do so many couples avoid it? Several factors come into play. The biggest is that people don’t understand what happens. They fear that bringing their issues to light will lead to them being judged. There’s also the issue of having the time.

To go to couples therapy, you have to arrange a time when you can both get to the office. You have to get to that office from your home, and you may need to fit it around a babysitter’s schedule.

This is where online couples therapy helps. Several benefits occur when you arrange online couples therapy.

Online Therapy is Virtually Hassle-Free

Online couples therapy is ideal whether you live in a rural area or have long work hours. You don’t have to make a long drive into the city, which can mean hours for some people. You don’t have to leave your home. 

If you’re at work, you can close yourself into a quiet meeting room or office and participate in therapy during a break. You could attend online therapy before you head to work or after you get home. It’s far more flexible than traditional therapy.

It’s much harder to run into scheduling issues when you have the flexibility of online sessions. You arrange them at a time when it’s convenient for you. You don’t have to get in a car and drive or risk getting lost if you have to go into an unfamiliar area. It’s so much easier and more convenient.

You do need to work with your therapist and partner to ensure the time you choose is convenient for everyone. The best way to do this is by having several time options and seeing where you’re all available.

You Meet in the Most Comfortable Setting

When you attend online therapy, being in a familiar environment is comforting. There’s less nervousness, which helps you feel relaxed. Because you’re relaxed, it’s easier to speak your mind than if you’re in a strange location where your mind is distracted by the newness of the room, the building’s noises, and even the room temperature.

Online therapy works best if you have prepared a private space that’s free of distractions. If you have pets or kids at home, moving to a private bedroom and asking for an hour or so alone is important. This might mean putting on a movie for kids or hiring a teen to sit with your kids while you’re in therapy. If you have family who live nearby, you could have your kids go out with them for a walk or an area park for a while.

If you’re worried about your therapist’s family or friends walking in during your session, you don’t have to. Therapists follow HIPAA laws and abide by your right to privacy. If they don’t, they could face penalties and even the loss of their license.

It Provides More Accessibility

Accessibility is another benefit of online therapy. If you suffer from social anxiety, sitting in a therapist’s office can trigger anxiety attacks or an emotional shutdown that makes it impossible to talk openly and honestly.

If you have a physical disability, leaving your home may require extra coordination to access transportation options that work for your needs. You also have to ensure the building is ADA-compliant with the equipment you need to get to the therapist’s office. You might deal with hearing or vision impairments that require items like braille posters and signs or someone who knows sign language. 

When you have a therapist who offers online counseling sessions, it’s easier to accommodate needs like these. It also provides a wider range of therapists because you can expand your search to therapists who are on the other side of the state or even on another side of the country. You’re not limited to a handful of local therapists.

Technology Helps With Communication

Sometimes it’s easier to speak openly and honestly if you’re not face-to-face with another person. Technology can help with that. You see the other person on your monitor or screen, but you’re not right next to them. That distance can help open the channel for honest communication.

Plus, technology can help someone with a disability who needs special technology for a session. A therapist may not have speech-to-text technology available at the office, but you already have it at home.

As you work on feeling free to speak up for yourself, you can begin to introduce the concept of talking to your partner in person. Couples therapy doesn’t have to be an overnight success. Baby steps are often better for developing the solid foundation you need for a healthy relationship.

The Benefits of Online Couples Therapy

When you work with The Relationship Expert, you gain insights and tips for building a healthy, happy relationship by learning how to:

Become connected.Gain the skills needed to listen and validate each other to ensure you’re both truly feeling heard.Identify and better manage your emotions to avoid overreactions.Learn how to speak up for yourself and not shut down.Manage your stress and anger to avoid misplaced anger.Overcome insecurities.Rebuild trust.Stop judging each other.

Relationship therapy does require both parties to work together on their issues. Even if you feel your partner shoulders full responsibility after breaking your trust by having an affair or lying to you, there’s a reason why that happened. You need to get to the bottom of it and resolve every issue to start building trust and strengthening your relationship.

Whatever happens, give online couples therapy a chance to help you. Most people find it takes anywhere from 10 to 15 sessions before there are noticeable results. Isn’t your relationship worth it? Arrange a consultation with The Relationship Expert today by filling out the online “Request a Session” form.

 

The post Bringing Harmony Home: The Convenience of Online Couples Therapy appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

Any breakup is going to hurt. Even in the worst relationship, there’s a level of self-doubt regarding what you did wrong, why no one finds you appealing enough to stay, and the loss of shared friends. Getting over a breakup isn’t easy, but you can learn from the past and embrace a happier future with these tips.

Take Precautions to Protect Yourself

Depending on the length and depth of the relationship, you might need to start by protecting yourself. If you’re ending a marriage, there will be issues like housing, custody of children and pets, and personal items to navigate. 

As tempting as it is to say you want nothing, you have to take precautions to protect yourself. If moving out puts you at risk of homelessness, you need to have housing arranged first. Make sure you’re able to get into your old home and collect your items. If your ex moved out of your shared home, consider having a friend there at the time your ex plans to pick up the rest of his or her personal belongings.

No one wants to have to talk about the impact of an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, but they happen. If you were in one, be honest with yourself. It wasn’t your fault. If you need a restraining order get help from legal aid. If the relationship involved emotional abuse, work with a therapist specializing in emotionally abusive relationships to heal yourself.

Limit Contact With Your Ex

Once you’ve broken up, move on. Don’t feel tempted to keep circling back to your ex to catch up. Unless the breakup was completely amicable, dwelling on the past is not going to help you move on. Starting a new life is the most important step now, and that means focusing on yourself without your ex’s influence.

If you have kids together, you have to have some contact. If it helps you limit the contact, you could have a friend or family member pick up or drop off your children. You could also pick up a neutral area like a restaurant or store. 

Allow Yourself Time to Grieve and Feel the Loss

The relationship is over, and now is the time to grieve, feel the loss, and prepare to move on. A relationship has been part of your daily existence for however long, and even if it was only a few months, it’s going to affect you emotionally. 

It’s okay to grieve. Allow yourself to be sad, frustrated, or even angry. Take care of yourself emotionally. If you’re not sure you can do it on your own, don’t feel ashamed if you feel you need to work with a therapist. It’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Take Care of Yourself

Self-care is an important stage of a breakup. It’s time to stop focusing on others and focus on yourself emotionally and physically. Do this by:

Eating the right foodsSpending time alone to reflect Enjoying hobbiesGetting enough exerciseSocializing

When you practice self-care, you’re taking care of your emotional and physical health. You are learning to de-stress, stop the negative self-talk, and realize your own value. You also need to consider your physical health. That stereotypical breakup pint of ice cream may be all you want, but the sugar and fat become a trap. The more you eat, the worse you feel about yourself, which adds to the cycle.

Now is a good time to explore your interests and take up new hobbies. You’ve discovered that you love spending time outside, but you don’t feel safe walking alone. Join a walking group and get to know others who also enjoy exploring area parks and nature preserves. 

Develop the Right Mindset

One of the hardest aspects of a breakup involves learning that your shared friends side more with your ex than you. If your friends decide they’d rather hang out with your ex and leave you alone, they were never your good friends. You have true friends out there, even if you have to find them.

They’re not worth your time. They’ve made their choices, and you don’t have to mourn their loss. You’re strong and can start over with an entirely new friend group.

Learn and Grow

Once you’ve started taking care of yourself, it’s a good time to start learning about yourself. The more you know about your likes, dislikes, and habits, the more you can grow and become the person you appreciate and feel comfortable being.

Try different hobbies to see what excites you. Spend time in public and see if you meet anyone you enjoy spending time with. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, either. You want to start learning who you enjoy being around. You want to develop a list of qualities you’re looking for.

The best way to find a successful relationship is by figuring out what you do and don’t want in a potential partner. You avoid a lot of wasted time when you know exactly what qualities you want. 

Find Out Who You Are

Each time you go out and meet someone, talk about it in a journal. A week later, go back and read your entries. A month later, reread your entries. Keep mental notes on things that go well and things that don’t. It helps you determine who you are, what you want, and where to go next.

You might want to enter into a new relationship right away, but you might decide you like being single. It’s okay to experience life as a single person for a while. 

Gain Optimism as You Start Again

Once you reenter the dating world, be optimistic. A positive mood will go further. When you find someone to get to know, don’t bring up your ex. It’s a turnoff and will impede any potential relationship. 

Remember that you’re strong, lovable, and destined for great things. If you need to put that mantra somewhere to keep saying it until you believe it, do so.

You are strong. You are loveable, And, you’re definitely destined for great things. Finding the right person takes time, and it can take a bit of trial and error. The best relationships take time to find and grow. Remember that.

Don’t Rush

Take your time and don’t rush the process. Any relationship, no matter how short, is going to leave a lasting impact. Good or bad, you need to address it in order to grow and continue your journey for fulfillment. 

The Relationship Expert has been called “the #1 Relationship Coach Transforming Lives.” Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, is a relationship coach, expert, and host of “Love Talk Live.” She’s shared her insights and experiences on ABC, CBS, NBC, and many other news agencies and magazines. If you need help getting over a breakup, she’s here to help you heal and reach your relationship goals.

The post Getting Over a Breakup: Tips From An Expert Dating Coach appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

After being married for decades, you’re newly divorced or widowed and about to enter the dating world again. You’ve moved to a new town after graduation and need to meet new people, but you’re not sure where to start. 

No matter what your situation is, online dating can be stressful. The Relationship Expert has a few dos and don’ts of online dating to help you better understand the things you should and shouldn’t do.

Do Read Reviews Before Choosing a Dating App or Service

Only some dating services are going to be the best fit. Research them first. Go through a list of services that are recommended for people your age or with your hobbies and interests. Once you have a list, start reading reviews to see what others experienced. If you’re seeing a lot of negative reviews about the site having too many scammers, move to the next. 

Some of the warning signs to look for are:

Hidden feesA low number of usersMore men than women or vice versa, which may or may not make it harder for you to find a potential matchCaters more to one generation than another

Many free dating sites don’t make it readily known that it’s only free to an extent. If you’re matched with someone, you may have to pay to send a message. The fees add up quickly, and that’s why paying for a subscription might be better for a few months.

Don’t Skip the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policies

Before signing up with any online dating site or installing an app, read the terms and conditions and go over the privacy policies. You want to look at how your information is used and stored. If you stop using the service, do they automatically delete your information or do you have to ask?

If you run into problems, how easy is it to block other users and get support from the customer service team? What information do you have to provide? Can you use a VPN to block your IP address, which can be traceable, or does the service block IP addresses within its messaging system? Any dating service you choose needs to have measures in place to keep members as safe as possible.

Do Create a List of Important Qualities

Make a comprehensive list to use for guidance. You don’t have to stick hard and fast to the list, but it does help to have guidelines on the type of person you want to meet. 

Sit down and write out a list of the things you do and don’t want in a match. If you are completely certain you can’t stand someone who only listens to country music, note that. You might want someone who loves to read before bed, note that too. 

Try not to stick too much to looks. You do need to find your partner attractive, but physical attraction is only a small part of the greater picture. 

Don’t Make Yourself Out to Be Someone You’re Not

Do everyone, including yourself a favor, and don’t lie on your profile. So many people try to build themselves up on their online profiles. While it may seem harmless, it’s a turnoff once your date realizes you lied. Have you ever seen the show “Catfish?” It’s filled with possible love interests that could have been such great matches had the other party simply told the truth from the start.

If you dislike sports, don’t put it as an interest just because you feel it will draw more attention. You may feel that the extra pounds you carry are going to send potential matches running, but it’s worse if you lie about who you are and what you look like. Be honest. 

The final tip for building your profile is to be descriptive without saying more than you should. Keep it positive. If you’re an empty-nester and feel lonely, it’s not something to dwell on. You could say looking to expand your horizons and leave it at that.

Do Take Time to Get to Know the Person

Make sure you take your time getting to know another person before a face-to-face meeting. Chat online for a week or two and advance to phone calls. If that goes well, give video chats a try. After a month or two, you should feel comfortable enough to meet in person.

For the first few face-to-face dates, there is going to be some awkwardness. It’s normal. Try to keep the conversation flowing by asking open-ended questions. Instead of asking if the person likes to read or watch movies, ask what the person would recommend for you to read or watch next. 

Listen to your instincts. If you’re still not certain, pinpoint what is making you hesitant. There’s a chance that your brain is noticing something that your emotions and heart are ignoring.

Don’t Choose a Private Setting for Your First Date

Even after talking online and video chatting, you must put your safety first. Ideally, you want to be around as many others as you can for the first few dates. 

See if the person would be willing to go on a group date. Bring a couple of friends you have and let them do the same. There’s safety in numbers, and it takes the pressure off. If things don’t go well, you can leave with your friends. If they do go well, you could split up and do something on your own. Still, keep it to public settings for now.

Some good venues for your first date alone are a coffee shop, a restaurant, or a movie theater. If you have a larger budget, consider a hot air balloon ride, a scenic cruise or horse ride, or a concert/movie in the park. The goal is to have fun but also have people around to help you if something goes wrong or seems off.

Do Try New Things

While you’re looking for people to go out with, try new things. You’ve always stuck to a certain type of person, but you haven’t had a lot of luck. Try someone you’d never imagine dating and see how it goes. You might find that’s the small change you need to be successful in your dating life.

You’ve always looked for people who are like you. You like watching movies, but you’ve never been interested in musical theater. You find a person who interests you, but the interest in musical theater is a turn-off. Try it anyway, as you could have the best date you’ve ever had. If you don’t, you’ve gained important insight into the things you’re looking for.

Don’t Believe You Have to Do It Alone

Whether you’re reentering the dating scene after years of being in a steady relationship or marriage or are brand new to dating, you don’t have to do it alone. Your friends may not provide the support and guidance you need, but that doesn’t mean you’re on your own.

The Relationship Expert, Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, is here to support you. Let Jaime know how she can help you gain confidence, find the right match, and enter into online dating in a safe, smart way. Reach her by email or phone to arrange a virtual consultation.

The post The Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating: Wisdom From a Digital Dating Coach appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

According to the Pew Research Center, 33% of American adults are single, but just over half are interested in dating. At the same time, 47% of Americans find dating harder now than they feel it was 10 years ago. COVID-19 changed many people’s habits and expectations as it became a time of isolation and self-assessments. 

This has a trickle-down effect on dating as people are putting their needs first and not always caving to societal norms. When adults are ready to start dating, they may be looking for companionship over marriage, and it’s crucial to find someone who supports your goals. 

However, dating is hard, and social anxiety is very common and even limiting. That’s where dating therapy and counseling can help. But, which option is best for your needs?

What Services Do Traditional Relationship Counselors Provide?

Aren’t traditional relationship counselors and dating coaches or therapists the same? No, they’re not. There are subtle differences that can make one service better for your needs than another.

Marriage and relationship therapists focus on the things you’re doing in your relationships and life that aren’t beneficial or helping you. It can help you take a much closer look at the emotional issues that impact your dating life. 

Social anxiety is a great example. While social anxiety is very common, it can make you appear standoffish or cold, but the reality is you simply have this form of anxiety and need help learning how to move past it.

A relationship expert can help an individual:

Better understand their goals, must-haves, and incompatibilitiesHelp identify what it feels like to connect and how to nurture that connectionImprove how they communicate and express feelingsLearn how to strengthen a connectionWork on conflict resolution

You will find that there’s often some crossover between the things a relationship counselor offers and those that dating therapists specialize in. 

What Services Do Dating Therapists Provide?

A dating therapist helps you learn what you want. Is dating even realistic given the things you’re looking for in a partner? Some people are happier single, and that’s okay. Learning to assess your wants and needs is a crucial first step. 

Once you’ve decided to date, you need to find someone who is compatible. Your dating coach can help you draft, edit, and publish an effective, honest, appealing dating profile. Don’t create fake details. They will catch up with you.

If you lack the confidence or know-how to put your best foot forward and show the best version of yourself, your date may not go as well as you hope. Expectations need to be realistic, and a dating coach helps with that.

As soon as you arrange a first meeting with someone you meet on a dating app, which should happen after chatting online and over the phone for a while, you’ll have the help of your dating therapist to create a game plan for that date. If nerves start kicking in, your dating therapist helps you get excited and eager to go. You’ll get advice on how to dress, things to say and what not to say, ways to keep the conversation flowing, and the best way to end the date. 

Not all people decide to use a dating app. A dating therapist also helps you navigate where to find dates when you’re outside your home in stores, restaurants, bars, libraries, theaters, and other public areas. It can be harder to meet people in person than online, but it’s not impossible and a dating therapist helps you through the challenges.

You’ll also work on what to do if the date isn’t going well, when to consider a second date, and how to assess how things went in an honest, neutral manner. Think of your dating therapist as the best friend you need for encouragement, a reality check, and a high five after a successful date. 

Sometimes, the best way to help a person prepare for a date is by doing a practice run. A dating therapist can guide you through a typical dating experience and work on the things you do well and what to change. You could meet in a coffee shop and master what to say, how to avoid closed-ended questions that shut down a conversation’s flow, and body language that can be detrimental when dating.

Consider Your Issues With Past Dates

Sit down and be honest with yourself about past dates. What went wrong and what went well? Give an honest assessment of yourself and dates that did or didn’t work out. If you found that your date kept checking his or her phone, there was a clear disconnect. 

Before you blame the person for not being interested, jot down a list of everything you did and said. There may have been something you did that created the disinterest, and you might not have even realized it at the time. It happens to everyone, and it can help if you analyze what you’d do differently next time.

If there was a clear personality conflict, think about why you chose to ask that person on a date. What drew you to them? You’ll want to look out for that in the past. With dating therapy and relationship counseling, you’ll start gaining more insights on how to date effectively.

In-Person, Phone, Video Conferencing – Which Best Meets Your Needs?

Once you know whether you want to work with a relationship counselor or dating therapist, you have to decide how to attend sessions. The Relationship Expert can meet in person, over the phone, or via video conferencing. 

Which is best? It depends on your comfort level and the time available to meet. If you’re too busy to leave work in the middle of the day to meet up, you might find it hard to attend in-person meetings unless you find a therapist with very early morning, evening, or weekend hours. 

In-person meetings allow you to meet face-to-face and hone your skills in an unfamiliar setting where you know social anxiety or nerves will make you uncomfortable. It can be a great way to start acquiring the skills needed to be confident on a date.

The phone may be better as it allows you to meet at any time and from anywhere. You don’t have to get to an office to meet up, you can call when you get home from work. Eventually, you’ll gain confidence and be ready to progress to video conferences and in-person meetings.

Many people prefer the convenience of video conferencing. It’s still held at your convenience from anywhere you happen to be with the internet and a video camera. But, it is also face-to-face so you have that experience, too. It starts you off in a setting you’re comfortable in, however, and you can work up to in-person sessions.

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