Angel Foxx's Blog

Once Again, the full length, the 138 page version, is now available on Amazon in all formats, eBook, paperback, and hardcover.

Once Again: A Chapbook is also available.This abbreviated version is a 16 page Chapbook, and is only available as a Kindle eBook.

I received my author copy of Once Again and I am pleased with the outcome. There are a few random blank pages in the formatting, but all in all as a self publisher doing it all on my own, I think it turned out great! Perhaps my third book will be the charm!

My poetic memoir, Poetic Turbulence, was originally published on October 12, 2022 as an eBook on Amazon Kindle. For nearly a year, that version didn't do very well, selling merely nine copies at $9.99 and 21 more copies after I registered it in Kindle Unlimited. Kindle Unlimited is a way to get more eyes on a book rather than being a lucrative avenue to take. Kindle members can download Poetic Turbulence for free and my royalties are then calculated per pages read on a monthly basis. I had hoped that is this modern age of technology it would do well, but as it turned out my readers were waiting for a hard copy, a paperback. I did my best to promote it on my social media sites but the feedback was always basically the same. Is it coming out in paperback form? I'd don't like to read online. Old school fans after my own heart I thought. I knew I had to publish a paperback, not only to obtain more potential readers and possible fans, but also for my own personal gain, the joy of holding my very own book in my hands! My dream come true! Not to say the I didn't cry like a baby the day the eBook was officially published, but for me there is nothing like having the actual book. Poetic Turbulence was officially published in paperback form on September 21, 2003. It sold 35 copies in the first week, and 2 more copies that month. This month so far I have sold 2 more paperback and 2 eBooks. After a year, and 69 copies in total sold from both formats, I am at a standstill. I thought of every way I could possibly promote it, even considering paying the cost of marketing, which can be pretty steep. I have steadily been trying to obtain an influencer, but so far to no avail.

During one of my most recent therapy sessions with my new therapist, my old one left the company I use for psychiatry, medication management and counseling, we got on the subject of what do I feel is my purpose in life. Naturally to one day be a well known author, and to touch more lives is my answer to that, So we started talking about Poetic Turbulence, and how I could obtain this new life goal. I told him about promoting, marketing and my hopes to be discovered and earn myself an infulencer, He suggested that rather than spend money I should start a blog. So here I am blogging, who would have thought?


There was only so much I could tell you about my life in the back stories of Poetic Turbulence that followed my poems and quotes. I wanted to give you some insight into how my Borderline mind thinks. Also, I think people find it interesting to know the back stories of how and why a piece of art was created no matter if it be a painting, a sculpture, a song, poem or other.

I find , Vincent Van Gogh to be a wonderful and inspiring example. For starters, the reason he painted so many self portraits had nothing to do with vanity, in fact it has been said that he actually hated himself. He painted self portraits to practice painting people and was poor at the time so he couldn't afford models. Van Gogh happens to be one of my favorite artists, not just because of his work but also I find the back stories of his art very relatable It is common for individuals who suffer from various forms of mental illness to be highly creative, still, I was highly intrigued as to what would lead someone to take a razor blade and cut off a portion of their ear. I had to find out. It was during a fit of anger stemming from a deliriously manic psychotic break Six months later he would paint his famous painting Starry Night over a weekend., although there are 21 variations due to the fact that his model for this painting was the view from his bedroom window. The painting is symbolic of his mental state at the time.The blue colors and the swirls, depict his emotions. This back story, combined with his uniquely brilliant creative talent made him my favorite painter of his time. This is just one of many talented artist of all genres makes me believe that the back stories aide to compliment any artist's work and need to be told.

I wrote Poetic Turbulence with the goal of reaching out to fellow sufferers of various forms of mental mental illness feel less also. This gives my pain purpose, and my suffering will not have been in vain. With most mental illnesses, manic depression is usually common and the depths of that is extremely isolating. I know how horribly alone that makes someone feel and objective was not only to assist in comforting fellow sufferers but also to educate friends, family and all loved ones of fellow sufferers have a more in depth understanding and therefore compassion for what we go through and put aside all judgement. Perhaps my poetry on it's own might bring cause for some judgement, or the stories on their on might do so, but I firmly believe that the combination will help put it all in perspective.Bringing a more in depth understanding to non sufferers may help to curb the stigma of mental illness, which in turn will also bring comfort to sufferers. There is nothing worse than being judged for something that is beyond our control.

You may be thinking that there are ways that we can take control over our mental health issues, and to some degree that's true, but as with every other choice we make their are consequences. We can take medication to relief symptom and control impulsive thoughts and behaviors but there is a price to pay for that as well. First there are the short term side effects. Some may be to sedative and keep us feeling tired and fatigued, or they can make you feel hyped, jittery and unsettled. They can cause weight gain or loss, dry mouth, blurred vision, headaches, dizziness, diarrhea, constipation and nausea just to name a common handful. Then there are the more serious, often irreversible and life threatening side effects such as involuntary repetitive movements called tardive dyskinesia, liver damage, kidney failure, cardiac arrhythmias and neuroleptic malignant syndrome, NMR, which is just to name a few. Symptoms of NMR are fever, fast heart rate, rapid breathing, high blood pressure, muscle rigidity, excessive sweating, altered mental state and autonomic dysfunction. So you can see that the choice to take antipsychotic drugs, which are not only to control psychosis, but are also used to stabilize moods, is not as simple a choice as it may seem. Often patients go off of their medications due to these side effects. Another reason patients may stop taking their medications is that they are making them feel better and therefore they have they false belief that they don;t need them, when in fact they are actually working. Over the years I have fallen into both categories. Another reason I was off of medication for a long period of time was due to the fact that I had no health insurance and could not afford them, nor could I afford to see a psychiatrist to have them prescribed in the first place, which in not all too uncommon as well. Additionally, prescribing the correct medication to a patient is tricky business. Psychiatry is not an exact science, and what works for one patient may not work for another who has been diagnosed with the same illness. Most of the stories I will tell you are basically the result of either not being on medication at all or not being on the proper medication or the proper dosage. These are the stories of lost hope, despair, and desperation, censored only by withholding the actual name of those involved to afford them their privacy, that I will blog about. You can also visit my blog on my website Angelfoxxpoetry.com

I have certainly had my share of joy in life,it's not like I have never been happy to know what it's like, but unfortunately the bad outweighs the good. Joy is a fairy tale to me without the happily ever after. The joyous periods were outright euphoric. The problem with euphoria is that takes me up so fucking high that it only intensifies the agony of the crash, making the crash stand out so much more vividly in my mind than the joy that landed me there. So even if I have a happy story to tell, it won't end that way. There isn't much that lasts forever, almost everything goes away. People, and circumstances. I say almost because there was always an end to a dark situation it's true, but inevitably eventually another eventually came along to take it's place. On the flip side of that I have definitely been blessed with a handful of people that stuck around through the good and the bad. Some of whom may have walked out of my life, but in time returned. I love and cherish these chosen souls and I will protect them with every part of my being no matter at the cost. These people are my support system, my encouragement, my inspiration, my family and my greatest fans. For these people I am eternally grateful.