Linda Hall's Blog - Posts Tagged "spirituality"
I Never Thought it Would Happen To Me
First of all, this book FAITH SHIFT by Kathy Escobar—and therefore this review—is not for everyone. It might not be for you. If you go to this link:
http://kathyescobar.com/you-might-be-...
go through the list and can’t identify with any of it, and none of it makes sense, or even sounds ridiculous, then please, by all means, click away from this blog and go back to Facebook.
Thing is, I can identify with most of this “list,” and it makes total sense to me. I grew up in a strong Christian fundamentalist home in the 1950s. I was taught to have a very sure faith. And I did. I think I did. I really wanted to in any case. If I had theological questions I kept them to myself. If I had problems with my faith, it was me and not God.
But I still had questions. Some things didn’t make sense.
In the tradition I grew up in, it was permissible to question fairly unimportant things, like “should Christians drink alcohol?” but to question an important tenet of “truth” was not permissible. It was never okay to ask how a supposed loving God can send the majority of people who have ever lived on this planet to a place of eternal torment of fire forever and ever for which there is no escape. When I would ask, how is that loving? I was met with “tut tuts” plus the catch all verse which is meant to shut down every question a kid has - “God’s ways are not our ways.”
So, I started being quiet.
Outwardly questioning anything about the faith led to the pronouncement that we would be “put up on a shelf,” which meant we were of no use to God. He was basically turning his back on us, and wouldn’t use us until we got our act together. It’s odd. Up until yesterday when I was researching for this blog, I could have sworn that the “shelf” reference was in the Bible somewhere. It’s not. I even asked a group of trusted Christian friends who know everything about the Bible. Nope. Not there.
Why am I not surprised?
Shifting “away” from the faith of one’s youth is a scary thing. It feels like just as I’m about to sit down, someone pulls the chair out laughing. I land on the floor. And everyone still laughs. I am bruised, but people still laugh.
My faith was subtly shifting. Because over the past few years I’ve started to see a different Jesus. I’ve started to see a Jesus who is more loving. Even Bible verses that I was sure meant one thing, are now meaning something else to me. And they make total sense meaning something else.
For this reason, I’m overjoyed that there are books out there like FAITH SHIFT. In future episodes of this blog, I will be featuring more of these authors and podcasts and blogs. I will introduce you to these “friends” I’ve never met and yet who might just understand my path. I’m talking about Rachel Held Evans’s book, Searching for Sunday, the Free Believers podcast, blogs such as Jesus Without Baggage. All of these have been so helpful. I discovered FAITH SHIFT by listening to an interview with Kathy Escobar on the God Journey podcast. (I so related that I bought her eBook on the spot.)
Faith Shift was so helpful to me that I emailed the author and she and I have had several email conversations. (She seems like a lovely person!)
As you will know from reading my previous review blogs, that it’s the beginnings of books which draw me in. Her first chapter is entitled, “You’re not crazy and you’re not alone.”
I wasn’t alone! And I’m not crazy! I’m really, really not crazy! There are other people like me.
According to Kathy, a shifting faith goes through various stages. The first is “Fusing.” This is the honeymoon stage where all is well and right and good. Faith hasn’t “shifted” yet.
Next comes “Shifting” when the faithful find themselves shifting slightly, ever so slightly away on certain issues.
“Unravelling,” the next stage, is when everything falls apart. There are simply too many issues that the believer questions.
Like its name, “Severing” is the stage which is a cutting off and away from any kind of early faith.
Finally comes the “Rebuilding” phase, where faith is rebuilt, but often bears little resemblance to the early “Fused” faith.
If this isn’t you (in other words, you didn’t move on over to your Facebook page when I told you to), be aware that many people are going through this. A few years ago now, ABC ran a news special about Baptist pastors who no longer believe in God. click here for that story.
Of course they remain anonymous, their jobs depend on this. If you Google "pastors who no longer believe," sadly, you will be rewarded with many links.
What do I believe now, and where am I on Kathy’s spectrum? My answer today might be different than my answer tomorrow. I know there’s a God. I know that God is a god of grace. I’m not an atheist. I think that God is way more wider than I was ever taught to believe, way more full of love, way more kind, way more full of grace, way more inclusive than I had ever imagined.
I grew up wanting God to “use” me, that's the prayer and goal of every Christian. Even in the writing of this now, it sounds weird. Does a parent “use” her child? Is that a parent’s biggest goal? No. God doesn’t want to use us, God wants to love us. And he wants us to reflect this love to others. That’s about all I know. And maybe it’s enough for now.
I will end with what an anonymous person quoted in Kathy’s book: “I am left with fewer truths, but they are clearly deeper.” Which sounds like a sort of cop out, (Seriously. If you think it’s a cop out, why are you still reading this? This isn’t for you.) but I understand it.
This is a book I will read and re-read.
http://kathyescobar.com/you-might-be-...
go through the list and can’t identify with any of it, and none of it makes sense, or even sounds ridiculous, then please, by all means, click away from this blog and go back to Facebook.
Thing is, I can identify with most of this “list,” and it makes total sense to me. I grew up in a strong Christian fundamentalist home in the 1950s. I was taught to have a very sure faith. And I did. I think I did. I really wanted to in any case. If I had theological questions I kept them to myself. If I had problems with my faith, it was me and not God.
But I still had questions. Some things didn’t make sense.
In the tradition I grew up in, it was permissible to question fairly unimportant things, like “should Christians drink alcohol?” but to question an important tenet of “truth” was not permissible. It was never okay to ask how a supposed loving God can send the majority of people who have ever lived on this planet to a place of eternal torment of fire forever and ever for which there is no escape. When I would ask, how is that loving? I was met with “tut tuts” plus the catch all verse which is meant to shut down every question a kid has - “God’s ways are not our ways.”
So, I started being quiet.
Outwardly questioning anything about the faith led to the pronouncement that we would be “put up on a shelf,” which meant we were of no use to God. He was basically turning his back on us, and wouldn’t use us until we got our act together. It’s odd. Up until yesterday when I was researching for this blog, I could have sworn that the “shelf” reference was in the Bible somewhere. It’s not. I even asked a group of trusted Christian friends who know everything about the Bible. Nope. Not there.
Why am I not surprised?
Shifting “away” from the faith of one’s youth is a scary thing. It feels like just as I’m about to sit down, someone pulls the chair out laughing. I land on the floor. And everyone still laughs. I am bruised, but people still laugh.
My faith was subtly shifting. Because over the past few years I’ve started to see a different Jesus. I’ve started to see a Jesus who is more loving. Even Bible verses that I was sure meant one thing, are now meaning something else to me. And they make total sense meaning something else.
For this reason, I’m overjoyed that there are books out there like FAITH SHIFT. In future episodes of this blog, I will be featuring more of these authors and podcasts and blogs. I will introduce you to these “friends” I’ve never met and yet who might just understand my path. I’m talking about Rachel Held Evans’s book, Searching for Sunday, the Free Believers podcast, blogs such as Jesus Without Baggage. All of these have been so helpful. I discovered FAITH SHIFT by listening to an interview with Kathy Escobar on the God Journey podcast. (I so related that I bought her eBook on the spot.)
Faith Shift was so helpful to me that I emailed the author and she and I have had several email conversations. (She seems like a lovely person!)
As you will know from reading my previous review blogs, that it’s the beginnings of books which draw me in. Her first chapter is entitled, “You’re not crazy and you’re not alone.”
I wasn’t alone! And I’m not crazy! I’m really, really not crazy! There are other people like me.
According to Kathy, a shifting faith goes through various stages. The first is “Fusing.” This is the honeymoon stage where all is well and right and good. Faith hasn’t “shifted” yet.
Next comes “Shifting” when the faithful find themselves shifting slightly, ever so slightly away on certain issues.
“Unravelling,” the next stage, is when everything falls apart. There are simply too many issues that the believer questions.
Like its name, “Severing” is the stage which is a cutting off and away from any kind of early faith.
Finally comes the “Rebuilding” phase, where faith is rebuilt, but often bears little resemblance to the early “Fused” faith.
If this isn’t you (in other words, you didn’t move on over to your Facebook page when I told you to), be aware that many people are going through this. A few years ago now, ABC ran a news special about Baptist pastors who no longer believe in God. click here for that story.
Of course they remain anonymous, their jobs depend on this. If you Google "pastors who no longer believe," sadly, you will be rewarded with many links.
What do I believe now, and where am I on Kathy’s spectrum? My answer today might be different than my answer tomorrow. I know there’s a God. I know that God is a god of grace. I’m not an atheist. I think that God is way more wider than I was ever taught to believe, way more full of love, way more kind, way more full of grace, way more inclusive than I had ever imagined.
I grew up wanting God to “use” me, that's the prayer and goal of every Christian. Even in the writing of this now, it sounds weird. Does a parent “use” her child? Is that a parent’s biggest goal? No. God doesn’t want to use us, God wants to love us. And he wants us to reflect this love to others. That’s about all I know. And maybe it’s enough for now.
I will end with what an anonymous person quoted in Kathy’s book: “I am left with fewer truths, but they are clearly deeper.” Which sounds like a sort of cop out, (Seriously. If you think it’s a cop out, why are you still reading this? This isn’t for you.) but I understand it.
This is a book I will read and re-read.
How To Start Something New (Part 2)
When I wrote Part 1 - How to Start Something New, a Kayak Lesson, I had no idea that there would even be a Part 2 in this discussion. But, that was before I read Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert, my recommendation for this week.
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond FearAs you know, I’m a first line stickler, here’s how she begins:
Q: What is creativity
A. The relationship between a human being and the mysteries of inspiration.
She then goes on to describe this mystery in the most curious way. She likens creative “ideas” to intangible things, such as things in the wind that can be caught. (I picture a huge butterfly net and someone running through a field of ideas).
She encourages her readers to be aware and willing and waiting and listening for that next big creative “idea.” Although somewhat, at first, woo woo, I think she’s got something there, because it is, as she says, a mystery. I was intrigued. I continued reading.
And as I read, I found myself highlighting passage after passage and typing notes into my Kobo. This is good! Wow! Gotta remember this! With multiple exclamation points!!
She mainly calls upon her own experience as a writer, but she also mentions visual artists, gardeners, figure skaters, musicians and more. And I will add; cake decorators, interior designers, investment bankers, chefs, magicians and Olympic athletes (since we’re in that season). All would benefit by reading this book.
Here are some of my personal gleanings from Big Magic.
Gleaning #1: You’re never too old to begin something new. This was my premise in Kayak Lessons, Part 1. I wrote, that in my dotage I have discovered the joys of kayaking. She tells the story of a friend who began a new creative love and study when she was 84.
Gleaning #2: It all doesn’t have to be about money. In fact, creativity shouldn’t be about money at all. It should be about joy. Yet our society has made everything about money. Sad.
Gleaning #3: It involves some risk.
Gleaning #4: If you are a human, you have a creative gift to offer the world.
She writes a lot about joy, and doing things for pleasure, and it made me ask myself, what do I do for the sheer wonder of it?
1. Kayak - see my original post on the subject. I believe that as we get older, maybe especially as we get older, we need some activity which takes us out into nature - walking, hiking, cycling, skiing, golfing.
2. Colored pencil art - It has not even been a year since I started drawing. Odd for me because I was the first to tell people that “I can’t even draw a straight line”. Well, I’ve since learned that artists don’t need to draw straight lines. Thats what rulers are for.
As mentioned in my first blog on the subject, this has given me such joy. In case you want to look at the colored pencil art of a rank beginner, here’s my Pinterest link.
3. Guitar and singing - Music is such a great love of mine. I call myself an old folksinger, and every other week I sing at a local nursing home. I get to sing all my old favorite Joni Mitchell, Emmy Lou Harris and Carrie Newcomer songs to my heart’s content. I have a wonderful Martin D45 that I got new in my early 20s. (So, I guess it’s an antique noq, because I’m one.)
4. This blog - Ah, yes, this blog. I had long wanted to do a blog in which I recommend books and other things that I like. Note, I use the word “recommend” not “review.” This is not a book review blog where I dole out one and two star reviews and tell the world what’s wrong with Book A and Book B. No, we get too much negativity as it is. There are already too many people giving us one star reviews for everything we do in life. This is a personal blog. I wanted to ask the questions - this book that I loved reading so much, how does this book affect me personally? I wanted to see if I could come up with something that was half review and half memoir. I don't know if I'm succeeding, but so far, I’m having fun.
5. My own writing - I began writing mystery novels in the early 1990s. Such a long time ago now. In some ways a lifetime ago. It used to be a joy, but somehow over the past few years it has become a job, a drudge, (sort of). Let me explain, Most writers, those of us who are not in the 1%, need to do all of our own marketing. We are called upon more and more to bear the brunt of everything. We get one star Amazon reviews, and we have to simply suck it up and move on. Somehow, over the past few years so much of the joy has been taken out of it for me that Gilbert’s book was like a breath of fresh air. I need to work to get back the joy of my first love. I’m working on it. Not there yet.
Now it’s my turn - What do you do for the sheer joy of it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
I will end with what Gilbert calls the creative paradox:
My creative expression must be the most important thing in the world to me if I am to live artistically, and it also must not matter at all, if I am to live sanely.
I admit that I don’t often find that balance.
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond FearAs you know, I’m a first line stickler, here’s how she begins:
Q: What is creativity
A. The relationship between a human being and the mysteries of inspiration.
She then goes on to describe this mystery in the most curious way. She likens creative “ideas” to intangible things, such as things in the wind that can be caught. (I picture a huge butterfly net and someone running through a field of ideas).
She encourages her readers to be aware and willing and waiting and listening for that next big creative “idea.” Although somewhat, at first, woo woo, I think she’s got something there, because it is, as she says, a mystery. I was intrigued. I continued reading.
And as I read, I found myself highlighting passage after passage and typing notes into my Kobo. This is good! Wow! Gotta remember this! With multiple exclamation points!!
She mainly calls upon her own experience as a writer, but she also mentions visual artists, gardeners, figure skaters, musicians and more. And I will add; cake decorators, interior designers, investment bankers, chefs, magicians and Olympic athletes (since we’re in that season). All would benefit by reading this book.
Here are some of my personal gleanings from Big Magic.
Gleaning #1: You’re never too old to begin something new. This was my premise in Kayak Lessons, Part 1. I wrote, that in my dotage I have discovered the joys of kayaking. She tells the story of a friend who began a new creative love and study when she was 84.
Gleaning #2: It all doesn’t have to be about money. In fact, creativity shouldn’t be about money at all. It should be about joy. Yet our society has made everything about money. Sad.
Gleaning #3: It involves some risk.
Gleaning #4: If you are a human, you have a creative gift to offer the world.
She writes a lot about joy, and doing things for pleasure, and it made me ask myself, what do I do for the sheer wonder of it?
1. Kayak - see my original post on the subject. I believe that as we get older, maybe especially as we get older, we need some activity which takes us out into nature - walking, hiking, cycling, skiing, golfing.
2. Colored pencil art - It has not even been a year since I started drawing. Odd for me because I was the first to tell people that “I can’t even draw a straight line”. Well, I’ve since learned that artists don’t need to draw straight lines. Thats what rulers are for.
As mentioned in my first blog on the subject, this has given me such joy. In case you want to look at the colored pencil art of a rank beginner, here’s my Pinterest link.
3. Guitar and singing - Music is such a great love of mine. I call myself an old folksinger, and every other week I sing at a local nursing home. I get to sing all my old favorite Joni Mitchell, Emmy Lou Harris and Carrie Newcomer songs to my heart’s content. I have a wonderful Martin D45 that I got new in my early 20s. (So, I guess it’s an antique noq, because I’m one.)
4. This blog - Ah, yes, this blog. I had long wanted to do a blog in which I recommend books and other things that I like. Note, I use the word “recommend” not “review.” This is not a book review blog where I dole out one and two star reviews and tell the world what’s wrong with Book A and Book B. No, we get too much negativity as it is. There are already too many people giving us one star reviews for everything we do in life. This is a personal blog. I wanted to ask the questions - this book that I loved reading so much, how does this book affect me personally? I wanted to see if I could come up with something that was half review and half memoir. I don't know if I'm succeeding, but so far, I’m having fun.
5. My own writing - I began writing mystery novels in the early 1990s. Such a long time ago now. In some ways a lifetime ago. It used to be a joy, but somehow over the past few years it has become a job, a drudge, (sort of). Let me explain, Most writers, those of us who are not in the 1%, need to do all of our own marketing. We are called upon more and more to bear the brunt of everything. We get one star Amazon reviews, and we have to simply suck it up and move on. Somehow, over the past few years so much of the joy has been taken out of it for me that Gilbert’s book was like a breath of fresh air. I need to work to get back the joy of my first love. I’m working on it. Not there yet.
Now it’s my turn - What do you do for the sheer joy of it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
I will end with what Gilbert calls the creative paradox:
My creative expression must be the most important thing in the world to me if I am to live artistically, and it also must not matter at all, if I am to live sanely.
I admit that I don’t often find that balance.
