Marshall Karp's Blog
February 20, 2009
MARSHALL’S DOG JETT REVIEWS HIS LATEST BOOK, FLIPPING OUT
Authors are always looking for an early rave review to spark sales. So, who better to give me a 5 star review than my best friend? Mine is a Black Lab named Jett. I gave her a copy of Flipping Out, and asked her to write the review.
As you can see, the bitch can’t type. It came out looking like this.
So I decided to interview her:
MK: So how did you like the new Lomax and Biggs book?
JETT: Can I be frank with you?
MK: I sleep with you. I feed you. I walk behind you and scoop up your shit. I’d say we’ve established a totally open and honest relationship. Go for it.
JETT: The new book — Flipping Out — it wasn’t that good.
MK: Really?
JETT: The Rabbit Factory was much easier to digest.
MK: How so?
JETT: The paper on The Rabbit Factory was primo. Absolutely delicious. And the picture of the rabbit on the cover just made me salivate like what’s-his-name’s dog.
MK: Pavlov?
JETT: No. Norman Untermeyer, the guy with that big slobbering St. Bernard. Anyway, The Rabbit Factory was 632 pages, and I devoured it in one sitting. Flipping Out is half that, and I couldn’t finish it. It was too dry.
MK: That’s an unfair comparison.
JETT: Marshall, please — don’t go all Author Defense Mode on me.
MK: No, you’re not being fair. You ate a first edition, hard cover version of The Rabbit Factory. The copy of Flipping Out I gave you was just an advance reader copy. It’s printed on cheap paper. It’s a promotional thing. The real book is coming out April 1. Hard cover. Professional grade paper stock.
JETT: Well, then you should have given me that one.
MK: All the reviewers get those cheapo advance copies.
JETT: Then they’re going to have trouble swallowing it.
MK: Jett, the people who get advance copies of my books don’t eat them.
JETT: I’m not a bit surprised. The binding on those things is all gluey.
MK: I’m totally bummed. You’re my dog. My constant companion. I was counting on you for a fantastic, over-the-top review. Can you at least give me a blurb I could use for the book jacket?
JETT: A blurb?
MK: You know, a few pithy lines that we can put on the back cover that will get people all psyched to buy the book.
JETT: I’m a Black Lab. We don’t lie.
MK: You don’t have to lie. When someone writes a 500 word review, even if they hate the book, the publisher can find a way to pull out a few phrases that make it sound like a rave.
JETT: And that’s honest?
MK: It’s the official accepted way of marketing any book.
JETT: Okay, I’ll give you a paragraph and your publisher can quote any part of it they want to use.
MK: Good girl.
JETT: Yeah, right. First get me a couple of those biscuits, will you?
Here’s Jett’s review:
As you can see, the bitch can’t type. It came out looking like this.
So I decided to interview her:
MK: So how did you like the new Lomax and Biggs book?
JETT: Can I be frank with you?
MK: I sleep with you. I feed you. I walk behind you and scoop up your shit. I’d say we’ve established a totally open and honest relationship. Go for it.
JETT: The new book — Flipping Out — it wasn’t that good.
MK: Really?
JETT: The Rabbit Factory was much easier to digest.
MK: How so?
JETT: The paper on The Rabbit Factory was primo. Absolutely delicious. And the picture of the rabbit on the cover just made me salivate like what’s-his-name’s dog.
MK: Pavlov?
JETT: No. Norman Untermeyer, the guy with that big slobbering St. Bernard. Anyway, The Rabbit Factory was 632 pages, and I devoured it in one sitting. Flipping Out is half that, and I couldn’t finish it. It was too dry.
MK: That’s an unfair comparison.
JETT: Marshall, please — don’t go all Author Defense Mode on me.
MK: No, you’re not being fair. You ate a first edition, hard cover version of The Rabbit Factory. The copy of Flipping Out I gave you was just an advance reader copy. It’s printed on cheap paper. It’s a promotional thing. The real book is coming out April 1. Hard cover. Professional grade paper stock.
JETT: Well, then you should have given me that one.
MK: All the reviewers get those cheapo advance copies.
JETT: Then they’re going to have trouble swallowing it.
MK: Jett, the people who get advance copies of my books don’t eat them.
JETT: I’m not a bit surprised. The binding on those things is all gluey.
MK: I’m totally bummed. You’re my dog. My constant companion. I was counting on you for a fantastic, over-the-top review. Can you at least give me a blurb I could use for the book jacket?
JETT: A blurb?
MK: You know, a few pithy lines that we can put on the back cover that will get people all psyched to buy the book.
JETT: I’m a Black Lab. We don’t lie.
MK: You don’t have to lie. When someone writes a 500 word review, even if they hate the book, the publisher can find a way to pull out a few phrases that make it sound like a rave.
JETT: And that’s honest?
MK: It’s the official accepted way of marketing any book.
JETT: Okay, I’ll give you a paragraph and your publisher can quote any part of it they want to use.
MK: Good girl.
JETT: Yeah, right. First get me a couple of those biscuits, will you?
Here’s Jett’s review:
more blogs, books, and pictures of Jett at www.lomaxandbiggs.com
