Andrea Herrmann's Blog

I've had the privilege of being a half marathon pace group leader for over 30 half marathons.  It's been a joy to lead groups to their finish time and encourage and support athletes along the way.  For me, a big part of being a pace group leader was keeping people entertained, engaged, or distracted from the distance left to go.  

Over the years I developed a personal "joke script" of jokes that I could tell at road races.  These jokes are pretty general, suitable for most audiences, and are gene...

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?  Because she'll let it go!
Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball? She ran away from the ball and had a pumpkin for a coach.   What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?  Same middle name.   Did you hear about the morale problem at the Magic Kingdom? Six out of seven Dwarfs are not Happy.   Why shouldn’t you fly with Peter Pan? Because you’ll Neverland.

If you get a slice of pie in Aruba, it’s $5.00 a slice. If you get a slice of pie in Ja...

What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side? Vader Tots.  

Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Mall. 

Darth Vader: “Luke Skywalker- I know what you’re getting for Christmas.” Luke: “What? How?” Darth: “I felt your presents.” 

Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was. 

Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side. 

Why was Luke Skywalker single for so long? He was looking fo...

What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

 

Eli Manning was at an Italian restaurant ordering a pizza.  He asked how many toppings he could have.  The waiter replied, "You can pick six."

 

The best thing about dating woman who is a Detroit Lions fan- you know she’s not looking for a ring.

 

What do the New York Jets and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

 

What do Eli Manning a...

 Why did the cheese curd cross the road? To get out of the whey.

 

Why did the civil engineer cross the roads? Because it seemed like an appropriate place for an intersection.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show deer how to do it.

 

Why did the lollipop cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken.

 

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

 

Where do Marriage Counselors cross the road? At bridal paths.

 

What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls...

 Why was the archeologist so upset? His career was in ruins.

 

Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies.

 

How did the tree get on the computer? It logged in.

 

Why do ghosts like health food? Because it’s super natural.

 

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

 

What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.

 

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show.

 

What type of ship does a vampire own? A blood vessel....

 A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.  The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.  He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."  The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturda...

 What does the dentist of the year get?  A little plaque.   My dentist started to explain a procedure when I told him, “Don’t worry I’ve had a lot of fillings. I know the drill.”   A woman goes to the dentist’s office with a toothache.  It turns out she needs a root canal.  “Doctor,” she says, “I’d rather have a baby then have a root canal.”  The dentist replies, “Well, make up your mind so I can adjust the chair.”   I went on a date with a dentist last night.  At the end of the date, she said s...

 A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits at the counter. The bartender says, “Hey, did you know there’s a drink named after you?”  The grasshopper responds, “Really? Why would anyone want to name a drink Bob?”

 

A guy walks into a bar holding jumper cables. The bartender says, "Hey, don't you go starting something."

 

A string with some ruffled ends walks into a bar after tying himself into a bow. Bartender says "Hey aren't you that string I just kicked out of here?" The string replies, “No, I a...

 Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never needed glasses.  He just drank from the bottle.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

My uncle works in a watch factory. He just stands about all day and makes faces. 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked ...