Kerry A. Morgan's Blog

May 15th, 2025;

I have complied.

State, County, Town,

Mind.

Y’all can sit there, proud,

Conquered a bad element

Push’n a’round-

Recently widowed who

Didn’t know and tried to help.

Tried to give back to the Community,

Even when grief, completely,

Broke me.

Couldn’t breathe!

Alone!

No heat, in February-

Freezing!

Too afraid to call the police.

Innocent, civilian! 

Too foggy and lost, can’t Feel, but,

Might be rules in a neighborhood…

All the young aggressive recruits

Wouldn’t recall

The old Master

Or his younger wife.

Just trying to raise the crew.

Never. Break rules…

Taught all around, after-school

At a discount

Till bankrupt

All the children

And adults

The rich, the affluent

Bad Element or not

Rich, poor, homeless,

Old-Money and clout

All deserve the knowledge

To defend themselves

As I do, myself.

Without being looked down on

Targeted or taunted.

Whether a Mrs.  Published author,

 or a 4th degree- Sensei-

Or a man  climbing back

From attempted murder

TBI – who-

Didn’t deserve that tasing 

[might need re-training, just saying]

Try’n to stand up

Make a life with his son-

[Not round here’ no’ more- kidd’n?]

New Chester, Pasquaney, Newfound Lake people,

Trying to do the right things, 

Pushed out n down.

Don’t think Mr. Musgrove,

would be feeling proud.

Might even be ‘mourn’n

For the ole’ Bristol,

he tried so hard to build.

I’m so sorry,

just feel too:

Un-Welcome.

Most Sincerely,

Kerry Morgan

I meditate at least once. I write, even if just a journaling page. Before I leave my bed, I ask for Guidance and strength, to/for all those I love, and myself. Before I turn off the lights for sleep, I am thankful for at least three things but it always is so much more. And focus on feeling grateful I made it through.

Daily writing promptWhat daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?View all responses

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

I find it sad that the image truly expresses my reaction to the question. First off, my late husband passed away. We didn’t divorce. I am currently single but not by choice.

Second, I do not really trust that anyone else has the same definition of love or interest, that I do. This can present a lot of potential issues. Not only are definitions all wonky, but the ability to believe what someone is saying, has become, much more difficult.

Say someone decides they like me, interest has been sparked.. They determine going to share a meal or walk would be fun. Simple enough, sure let’s go. How else are you going to make friends? However, when we go, you have no questions for me. This implies the interest and or desire was for something else. If all you need are your eyes, sorry, not into it. (If you are, then this blog post probably isn’t for you.)

Anyone who is single out there, this is especially important for those who have become so, after a long commitment. We need time to rearrange how we think. You can not rush that. For those of us who have experienced traumatic events relating to relationships, it is a sticky thing to try to communicate. If someone has experienced a real long lasting worked at- love, accepting the flirty crush as “love” is impossible. It is cute, but insubstantial. Not real, and people like myself have the tenacity to tell you that. We even hold our own in check because it isn’t the same as losing someone who loves who you are, because they took the time to find out. That time is important, valuable, it represents experience.

If a single person has placed themselves “open to love” that is a choice, a decision made. They may be better prepared for the fleeting types of interest which last a couple months. Honeymoon or puppy-love stage is what it was called forty years ago.

Not even sure if there is a correct term anymore. For myself, I have been a committed partner for over thirty-five years. I put in a ton of work, to keep my words, and actions aligned with the promises I made. I am really proud of that.

I got close to feeling it returned, but not quite. I did not blame anyone for that, because I felt defective, broken despite being dedicated, strong and loyal at the same time. If I was missing something, check with my own self first, to see if I can take care of myself before bugging anyone else. Let alone trying to change someone to fit what I needed.

Yet that is exactly what I required of myself. Listen, compromise, make good decisions keeping the other person’s feelings in the fore front, and never intentionally hurt someone.

Problems arise when you have an unspoken rule between you. Say I am all the above, strong, dedicated, loyal, messed up too, but I try to overcome the faults, and do my best not to hold anyone else’s against them. The issue which can develop is when inside yourself, you are willing to make sacrifices and compromises, because of your rule, left unspoken. Said rule being, “Treat others as you would like to be treated.” That rule, sets expectations. If I give, you will give, and that isn’t always true.

Personally I have dedicated my life to living by that rule, and boy, it is perfect! But only when the other has the same rule. If your partner doesn’t know or hold as much importance to the concept as you do? Complete disaster. Talk about hard feelings, hurt feelings, and arguments that go around in circles because, everyone forgot to actual ask about, unspoken rules.

So here is my thought. As opposed to “assuming” that everyone lives by the same code as yourself. Ask them. If you are the type of person who would stop at a four way stop sign in the middle of the desert without any other cars around or clear reason to stop- and do so anyway? Make sure the other person you are with would as well. Are they kind to their wait-staff, their family, other women and men, their own friends?

Pay attention. Understand that everything isn’t about you, and there is always always always more to the story than you are aware of. Without fail. And remember this about your person too. One issue may not be worth the conflict, and or quite possibly, too big to explain to someone you have just started hanging out with.

Making sure that you are not only ready to give to another person, is as much for them as it is for you. It is asking for argument and conflict, to have reservations without expressing them. And when you do? Make sure they understand. And be prepared for every reaction you would never have, let alone show. Assumptions and expectations will be the ultimate downfall of a relationship, especially when kept hidden.

When you enforce a boundary, it helps keep everything else from falling down. It isn’t a crime against the other person. It isn’t a selfish act. It demonstrates respect. For both involved.

[Please understand I use general basic terms which can be switched around if needed. Do not assume prejudicial tendencies because I use heterosexual terms. Thank you ]

For the ladies. Have you been holding codes secret? Do you have a code? If it is anything close to the golden rule, you can not turn around and be violent. You can not turn around and lie to create a situation that garners favor on your side. You can not with-hold information and feelings and if you do so anyway, do not react when your person does to failing. You didn’t give them a chance to begin with. That is your bad. (Specific situation without physical abuse. Abuse needs to be stopped- leave- but didn’t topic.)

I never thought I would ever hear so many situations where women just lost their minds and went violent. Maybe and most likely it has always happened. Which is just as awful. So we are no more perfect than the men who do things like that Steal, and play game for revenge or as a defense. I mean what is the point?

For the guys: There are so many “bad apples” out there, I completely feel for you. What so many real genuine men have had to put up with is disgraceful. Know still, that not all of us are like that. If you begin respectfully, our feeling will reflect that. We will be respectful back, it is really nice. And we have our own guards up just like you do. Let’s not be cruel to each other, why waste the time and energy?

All the tools and new ways of connecting now have completely changed what it means to be single now. So different that I am looking out thinking, h*ll-No!

I am certainly disheartened to discover all the changes in how people interact with each other, since the 1980’s. Completely different. Course we didn’t have the internet back then, so you didn’t have to worry about opening a message to have a body part staring at you. Or a sonogram claiming your DNA. Or a way to have your location tracked by someone you are trying to avoid either.

Back then you could slam the phone down, hurt their ear, your hand, and possibly the phone itself, but by doing so, you got a tiny bit of satisfaction, which helped you release some anger and tension. When the phone would ring again, few minutes later, you had inadvertently taken a deep breath, and your thoughts cleared. Your behavior and feelings followed suit right behind. Again, it is a time thing.

To me, I want to avoid the drama right there. Communicate before any negative or destructive thoughts and feelings even are brought into play. If you expressed interest in someone, and they accepted. Show, your interest. Ask questions about them- and whatever you are curious about. With an exception. The exception being what they are willing to do in bed or other personal intimate action. Bra size and clasp information not the best subject. Their hobby, friends, school, opinions thoughts, absolutely perfect.

It will get you farther. Your person will believe you are interested in “them” which includes the inside parts that are interpreting your actions and words. Not just their reactions to your awesomeness. Same for women too. If you show interest, be interested, don’t subject them to gossip, or anything requiring a wallet. That is what developed the reputions in the first place.

Jerks should really be fewer- and further between, than they seem to be. Of course, I was not out there being single for the last 35 years. Which is why my answer would be a big fat nope- if asked. Not because I am necessarily not interested, but because of fear. In my experience, I kept my word, and death did us part. Didn’t ask for it.

That doesn’t mean my heart can not be opened to loving anyone else. It does however suggest that I have expressed the kind of love you decide to fight for. The kind of love that does not have any requirements, or negative judgements/opinions. The kind of love that hurts sometimes, but is as real as it gets. The kind that lasts long after the death parting.

So what? What does that even mean if the other is in the past, dead?

It will not be easy to to go back to hearts and flowers without knowing somewhere inside, this isn’t real love. This is all foo foo fluff. Not real, and once you have tasted real? Fake just will not cut it. And fake, means, being interested in someone because of something that will change. Like looks for example. To really love someone, looks shouldn’t actually matter. Would you stop loving your child if they were injured and didn’t look the same way? Of course not. Same exact thing.

The ideal should always be, to stay within the agreed boundaries. Till death, or whatever vows/promises that are important to both people. You are trying to create a team. Which means individuals coming together, to put their talents and energies together- it might seem obvious that you would want to be honest about what talents you have, and what your own goals are.

If you start off in the dating world, being authentic and real, and honest with yourself, as much as with people you want to see? There is a much greater chance you will find someone you can really get along with. Even through tough times.

If that isn’t what you want, find someone who does want the exact same thing you do. It isn’t a crime to not. Just because you are into someone, that does not mean they are obligated to return the same feelings or- deal with yours. It is hit or miss. But you’d be starting off doomed to fail, without acknowledging that. Either person.

For anyone else out there shying away from dating for whatever reason? Totally okay- Go You! Make your decision and stick to it, because that is the exact thing which commands respect. Demonstrates intelligence and maturity, as well as offers respect.

If you are healing from grief, take as much time as you need. Grief can become so overwhelming it completely takes over. It is something diagnosable.

Do not force change. It doesn’t last when forced. Only change what you feel comfortable changing inside yourself. Say you have a bad habit of being late all time. Can cause issues for someone, go ahead and work on being more considerate. You can change yourself because that is who you have control over. Not your person of interest, they get to do that if they feel it is right.

But don’t change because another person demands or implies you should without making sure, it is right for you. If it isn’t right, you will know. Do not ask or try to force anyone to change either. Love through it. Which doesn’t mean accept and keep subjecting yourself to bad behavior. It means, honoring each person’s right to be exactly who they are. If you don’t like it, find someone else you like more, without insisting on change. It is actually rude and offensive, to try to change someone else, because there is always more to the story. It isn’t your right, or theirs to change you.

In closing, I will reiterate. I haven’t been single since the 1980’s, late. I became single in 2021, due to death. I do not mean offense, by saying, no, thank you for asking. It does not equate with you being “less-desirable” or a man (in my imagined scenario) or whatever. In fact take it as a compliment that I would suggest looking for someone else.

Unless you send me an email or message which starts with something like a term of endearment, you haven’t earned the right to use with me, or a picture with nakedness. Then you can expect absolute rude-offensive-responses. I detest the word “dear” and “beautiful” now. Apparently, there are other women out there who punish their persons for NOT doing that. So I understand why that is so prevalent. But it doesn’t mean I will respond to it. It has lost its ability to “endear.”

I will not respond to anything hinting at manipulation. But what will get you a dose of the Irish-Anger is not listening and or not believing I mean what I say. If you can not listen, or read something I sent, don’t expect me to listen or read anything from you. And if you try to fake it, well, that becomes pretty dang obvious quick. And I will certainly treat you the way I wish to be treated.

The real people, willing to put in the work for a relationship, are not going to fall for games. It isn’t real, that’s playing. And as mentioned, once you’ve had a taste of the real deal, nothing else will do.

Personal opinions, and thoughts of course. And not that I have dated, and this information is not being written with any person in mind. It is in reaction to so many major horror stories. Men to women, women, to men, and all variables in between. It is as if all inter-personal skills have been abandoned for instant gratification and selfish behavior. “Me Me ME” attitudes.

One more thing. Observe as much as you put forth. Try to understand and garner clues about the parts of the story you are not privy to. If you are interested in dating someone, pay attention to them. What they say, how they say it. If you are going to play games, and not be honest, do not go for those healing from traumas or insecurities. Unless you are trying to be awful. You could trigger a new issue for them. Unless, you want to be their hero. Then do that. Consistently. And give them the time to understand and trust in it

You do not actually get to decide anything for anyone else.

Dating is about hope. Don’t kill someone else’s ability to hope, because you decided you were more important. Hire someone instead. They are paid to make you feel important.

Thanks for the read-

Be Brave, Be authentic, and be honest.

Kerry-

(and never start an email with Hello dear or Hello beautiful… such fake cheese) – And at the rate everything changes- I don’t think I will ever be able to catch up. I’m open, but not to getting involved with anyone flying red flags.

Good luck! More than welcome to comment with your own horror story. Explain why you are dating and what your strategies are, or why not. The more information out there, the better and more options to choose in any given situation.

That is gaining wisdom. If you are unable to even put yourself as part of a team- a more than just yourself involved- scenario, don’t involve anyone else. They count as much as you yourself do. If you disagree? Leave that one alone- go to the next. Pretty simple right?

Three years being a widow. This is why I do not date. Why I cringe at the thought. Everyone seems to be out there for their our gratification and no one cares about anything anyone else feels. Doesn’t count. Except in my world. My definition of love needs to know and respect you, because of reasons I believe in.

That is what my albeit- limited experience has shown me thus far. Wisdom allows me to utilize it. If a team member shows up- brilliant- if not- that’s fine too-

It is 3:30 A.M. I just finished an email and sent it off. Yet the last sentence I wrote was still percolating. “I think I have lost my ability to everyday write. To state facts without the feelings, descriptions.”

I did notice the enjoyment of reading books changed when I looked at them as a product. I didn’t like it. The level and type of enjoyment wasn’t the same. So I wonder if the same is true in writing?

I do think it is possible.

Do you?

(Shouldn’t count as an ” I ” in but whatever- )

Kerry

Metaphoric illustration about imposter syndrome.

Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome? There are many situations in which a person could feel like a complete fraud, whether or not they actually were. The imposter syndrome hit full board when I published my first book.

Boy, I really thought I wrote that great epic. Encouraged by my personal brand of creativity, editing and revision took a “trunk” seat, and my need for improved skills was sitting shotgun, with a megaphone. Really annoying laugh too, but, neither here nor there. The point is, way to take a dip into the pool of “wait, what?” and need to climb your way back out. Disastrous.

I had a book out there, though. I spent all that time, worked through all those twists and plots. I wrote a full length honest to goodness novel length book! My childhood dream, bam, right there.

Course, that isn’t really what I am about. Nope. Once I Realized the absolute desperate survival ‘skill of the fittest’ a good editor can provide? I started saving my money, for the next book, because no matter how many times I go through the words… Ya know? I hear them the way I do, and so, yep, get an editor!

They also help keep you on track. Or can weave the tangent you went on back the right direction! So, here I am, so excited to be a real live published author. Yet, I had poured all the love and effort out, before checking where it would all be landing. A cup? Not so much.

Hence the imposter was born. I won’t list all the awful things I said to myself. Yet, the embarrassment couldn’t even begin to cover, the pain, of thinking my “effort” would never sell. Never be read. Sure, everyone can misspell a word, run a sentence on for days, or even describe the bark of a tree ad nauseum, but my words bled out of my heart and onto the world wide stage of failure, out loud, in capital letters. Who would ever want to read my work again? So unprofessional.

Let us take this Imposter Syndrome issue one more step further. Years have passed. I study like crazy. Learn my craft, and really try to improve. I also develop a passion, if not compulsion, to try to help people through my stories. For instance, The Spirit Dragon Series, teaches actual real karate. If there was a child out there, hiding from bullies, not sure where to turn, reading my book? If that little person follows the instructions, they could get some little bit, of self defense inside them. To make it through the situations they are faced with every day?

What’s a few run on sentences right? That was my big dream. Huge! Well, years later, I’ve published a few more books. I have had the honor to make several contributions to anthologies, and I have a stack, of published work out there.

Then my husband has a stroke. Long story short, I lost my ability to feel. I spent two straight years wondering what my name was let alone if I was getting to work on time. Awful. Debilitating grief.

There I was, completely broken, unable to function in the outside world without having a terrible panic attack or other issue born from fear and utter depression.

After a few blinks into the bright sunlight, and a double take at what year it is, I get to work. Because what the heck is happening? Bear with me the connection is almost here.

As I mentioned, my big deal is to help people through my writing. Well, I started writing about the experience of grief. Writing blog posts about meditation, and trying to keep things light and conversational because, who am I to talk about reaching calm and stillness inside yourself? I broke under the weight of grief, and then allowed myself to be bullied at my place of employment. A Karate Sensei. Bullied.

Major big time definition of Imposter Syndrome in ever land of ever. To me anyway. Here I am trying to help other people, climb out of the crippling anxiety. The consuming depression. Days you literally can not get out of bed. It isn’t just about the effort or motivation to move. There is something which prevents you. A heaviness. And when the deep dark hurts as dark as it is deep, it paralyzes you.

I mean just trying to breathe hurts.

So enough with the heavy and everything was awfulness. It was, has been, okay. What I realized about feeling like such an imposter? Is that, I was that person, doing meditations. I have practiced different breathing techniques to try to control or at least be able to handle the attacks that happen. I actively-participate in addressing the problem. No matter how much it hurts. How scary it is.

So, it is okay that I am “still doing that” because I am sharing the things that have worked, what hasn’t, and how I learned through it. The “so far I have figured out…”

That alone. Not an imposter. An active participant. Someone who may have an experience that could help you get through a similar one. If nothing else, I’m a person trying. Still not “impostering”- [Is that a word?]

It was a curiously difficult lesson.

Thanks for the read!

K~

Does it really matter? Who the vixen vie’s?

Can’t have one without the other, need some death to be alive.

Black needs White to hide

White needs black, to shine-

Without a long dark stormy night,

They’ll be no morning’s peaceful bright.

Does it really matter?

Who is who? Good or Bad, first or last, silent, crass?

Without you the dark is vast

without me, the bright can’t last.

So does it really matter?

Who is who?

Who is who when or why?

If you can’t have one

without the other?

To live a balance life?

Hey There;

In a recent blog post, I shared some of the things which can happen when you start to walk the talk so to speak. I spoke briefly about how certain changes within you, will cause you to possibly change who you spend time with. Some things, truly become intolerable. Enough so that you may simply want to spend your energy elsewhere.

I may have mentioned that the people you care to surround yourself with may change. This is unfortunately sometimes realized too late. One thing to maybe prepare your own self for, if you too are experiencing such changes. Would be how you handle your anger, and what you say during an argument. For me, I absolutely can not tolerate (as of yet) language which is accusatory, emotionally manipulative, let alone games like the whole gaslighting, or any of those sneaky ways of manipulating a situation to your own advantage- by disregarding someone else’s place in it.

Maybe I am at a certain point in my growth, that I just haven’t learned to love through those things which I “can not tolerate” as of yet. Especially if my heart is racing or some tears pop up. Incidentally, I also am working on not getting really angry at myself if I do happen to cry about something. But that is a different story.

One of my difficulties right now, is accepting that other people may be in different places in their own healing and growth and if I am seeing or rather hearing this type of language- that I need to be able to let them have their growing time. Doesn’t mean I can’t say, hey, this is what I am hearing so I need to extricate myself from the conversation for just a bit. For real. If you are trying not to drink perse’ you aren’t going to go out to hang at a bar- and work on “not drinking.” ( in general-)

I think when situations like these arise, it is important to be able to set some boundaries. Maybe they do not need to be spelled out to anyone else, but it could simply give your own self, a way out, or peace of mind. When you do have to say, okay, I’ll talk to you some other time. Even if a few years go by. It is okay to set boundaries like that, and be able to do so without sounding passive aggressive or condescending as well.

For instance: Say you are angry and just in an argument, they happen, it’s life. Pretty soon, your words will be different, then say, they person with whom you are angry with. Whether they too practice mindfulness or whatever they do too. Not only will the words you chose to speak, change, but “how” you get your point across.

Your words will not accuse, they will not insult in any way, they will neither place blame nor guilt. It will become important to say, – hey, this is what I am thinking about. and planning to work on, because I felt a lot of hurt, in “this” instance.”

As opposed to, “you make/made me feel, I felt this way “because you said”…. when you said, maybe you didn’t mean to, but “you” really hurt me……

See the difference between the two? I tried to catch some of the places or words which cause the whole thing to sound aggressive or whiney, or whatever way is used “to solicit/or otherwise cause” a change in someone else BEFORE or as opposed to, yourself.

For me, I am tired of the fight a little bit, especially from people or situations in which you thought/think going in- before hand- “that you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Which is exactly the answer on how to grow, and not feel the same hurts and be able to move passed it. Like I do/am. The above paragraph has the key- the where ” I ” went wrong. Did you catch it when you read it? As I typed it, I caught it. And as I finished typing the sentence, I am saying out loud, “ohhhhhhh, cute-Kerry- gotta love this stuff…” literally.

If you didn’t catch it. As soon as I typed the phrase, ” I thought…” Those words created the expectation which set the scene for the hurt. There are situations in which certain expectations are anticipated and “expected” to be around. Granted. However, when you get upset, angry, hurt feelings, whatever it is. It is possible to help yourself feel better right away. And not leave the feel better healing part dependent on someone else’s actions or words. That is the important part. That is where you can actively participate in your own healing.

That would be where you find yourself, the part that can actually create a change in your life immediately, is located. Right inside there. The ” I ” in, mInd ful ness.

Thank you so much for the read!

K~

Daily writing promptWhat makes you laugh?View all responses

My kids make me laugh. They are some of the most fun people I have ever met!

Whether you have been living a mindful life for a minute, a few months, or for years, everyone is hopeful and excited for results. Once you get your routine down, being mindful stops being something you have to work at. It becomes a part of your daily life.

When you are focused on healing a trauma that resides inside, sometimes the results are not as apparent. In fact it might be quite a while before you notice anything at all. Especially if the fruits of your labor will not show until another situation arises which could be triggering. This doesn’t mean you are not making great progress.

Though I have been practicing mindfulness for over thirty years, the trials which affected me the most deeply occurred within the last four. Even with all that practice under my belt it wasn’t until the past month that I noticed a difference.

-Mindful Breath

Practicing mindful-breathing techniques made the biggest difference, faster than I ever thought it would. When I first started learning how to breathe all over again, it drove me nuts. However, with regular practice I noticed several things rather quickly.

I found myself able to stay calmer for longer amounts of time specifically in stressful situations. I also experienced fewer full-blown panic attacks. If the signs appeared, or if I was entering a situation which would normally send me into one, mindful-breath keeps me on an even keel more often than not. This is a great skill to have when topics of conversation, or just your own thoughts take you to those panic ridden zones just as well. This is essential when you are dealing with mental and emotional trauma.

-Mindful Thought

Practicing mindful thought took longer for me to get into the swing of. I would practice, but I couldn’t seem to get my thoughts in line until after there was something to re–think. One of the more difficult things for me was to change my thought patterns. To catch negative self talk, then to prevent it, took a lot of work and still needs correction on occasion. It was a little easier to view the world differently. Optimism came pretty easily.

The harder and more often I needed to reign myself in from negativity, the less I wanted it around me. I have found myself less willing to listen to it and rarely participate. I just do not have time for it. If the conversation is too judgmental, opinionated or close-minded, worse yet, disparages others? Count me out. I am working too hard to subject myself to it. So your friends or even things you find entertaining, may change. It has for me for sure.

These were things I noticed changing first. Some others have been, less irritation/anger in general with situations or people. I have the ability to take my time and not feel rushed. This helps me to think more clearly, when before, my mind [and or speech] would stop and stutter or race so fast it would send me into a tizzy. I have also discovered I can fall asleep faster, and sleep more often without experiencing terrible nightmares.

One last note. We are entering the spring time of 2024 here. Lately the word, mindful, or mindfulness, has become a little trendy. Some are starting to use the concept too liberally. Making real change takes hard work. It isn’t available at your local superstore and you can’t buy it online. It won’t be a quick-fix product or found on a retreat. It is something that takes active participation. How you participate is up to you. It may take some time to see some kind of result. But maybe not as long as you might think, and those results will change your life, for the rest of your life.

Thanks for the read;

K~

Thanks to FreePik for the perfect photo!

Fair warning.

This is one of those posts that I rarely make. Full of personal thoughts and opinions about…. Politics… The Presidential candidates. I know, it’s okay to run screaming for the hills now.

[image error]Pexels.com" data-medium-file="https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor..." data-large-file="https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor..." width="1880" height="1247" src="https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor..." alt="" class="wp-image-1543" style="width:269px;height:auto" srcset="https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor... 1880w, https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor... 150w, https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor... 300w, https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor... 768w, https://mindfulmanipulation.files.wor... 1024w" sizes="(max-width: 1880px) 100vw, 1880px" />Photo by Disha Sheta on Pexels.com

Here is the US we do have to decide some things pretty quickly. Like who should be our next president. I used to get excited about casting my vote. Always kept it to myself as well. I just wanted to listen, make up my own mind without people fighting to change it, or influence me. I didn’t want to do it back either.

Not so excited anymore. In fact the choices are simply, between evil’s as the saying goes. That was the only thing I could come up with to describe the chore it has become.

Even trying to research, or find out more information, it just makes me shake my head. How has it come to this? Now, my default, I don’t think I can stand to write-in, as would be required.

Nope. Not this time. Even if this was a campaign management decision, and not an order sent down through the ranks. If you refuse to be listed on my states ballot you are not asking for my vote. The reasoning behind it is a complete DISS. An insult to something important to the state.

Honestly, I looked at some of the other guys. Just to see. I must admit, one shouldn’t be there, in my opinion. One just scares me, man, *shiver. The rest aren’t much better either. Same feelings about other choices as well. There just isn’t anyone I can put my faith into.

Makes me sad. And this time I am angry. How can I decide anything? My own President tossed away my vote, unless I, say, oh no, it’s okay, I still want you. I’ll write you in….

The skies are dark enough out there. The ” I ” inside, guides how I decide. Maybe this time, it would say more, to not even vote. Say more to myself I mean.

There is the point, that by not voting for someone runs the risk of a worst nightmare scenario happening, so to speak. Problem is, right now I can’t even determine a worst case scenario. Part of the listless disappointment is due to wondering if any of our votes count at all. I mean, the rest of it seems like a great big game.

Standing and saying, no. I will not settle. I will not waste a decision, just to decide. My choice is to keep that check mark sacred. As a mark I put down and it means something. To my own self. If I can not believe in what anyone will do, it would almost be closer to lying.

It is still a ways off, the stones are still rolling around, dust hasn’t come close to settling. There is time to research and maybe find someone I can vote for.

Thanks for the read!

Kerry~