D. Scott Cook's Blog

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. -Ephesians 1:4

I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. -John 14:20

Have you ever caught yourself wondering, "Who am I, really?" It’s a question that lingers in the back of our minds at different stages of life. We often define ourselves by past experiences, words spoken over us, and wounds we’ve endured. These messages form our identity, shaping how we see ourselves, interact with others, and relate to God. But what if many of these messages aren’t true? What if the identity we’ve lived by is based on falsehoods rather than the truth of who we really are?

How False Identities Take Root

False identities often begin in childhood, rooted in the words and experiences that shape our self-perception. Some carry wounds of rejection, abandonment, or failure, leading to deeply ingrained beliefs that they’re not enough.

Take Melissa’s story, for example. She grew up in a home where she never felt seen. Her father left when she was young, and her mother’s words cut deep, labeling her as “lazy,” “a burden,” and “never good enough.” Over time, Melissa internalized these messages, believing she was inherently flawed. She became a people-pleaser, seeking approval through achievements, relationships, and external success. Outwardly, she seemed accomplished—earning degrees and excelling in her career—but inside, she felt empty, anxious, and afraid of failure.

Melissa’s story is not unique. Many of us have carried wounds from childhood that have shaped our sense of self-worth. Whether it was verbal abuse, neglect, unmet expectations, or painful disappointments, these experiences plant seeds of self-doubt, shame, and insecurity. Over time, these false identities dictate how we function in relationships, how we set boundaries, and even how we see our value.

The Hidden Toll of False Identities

A false identity is like a heavy mask, forcing us to live in a way that hides our deepest wounds. This manifests in two primary ways: striving or coping. Some strive to prove their worth through relentless achievement, perfectionism, or religious performance. Others cope by numbing their pain through unhealthy relationships, addictions, or avoidance.

While these strategies may provide temporary relief, they don’t heal the root issue: the broken identity beneath the surface. If we believe we’re unlovable, we’ll constantly seek love in ways that never satisfy. If we believe we’re not enough, we’ll either exhaust ourselves proving our worth or shrink back in insecurity. If we believe we’re failures, we may avoid taking risks altogether, fearing more rejection.

Recognizing the Lies We’ve Internalized

The first step in reclaiming our true identity is determining the false messages we’ve believed. Some of the most common identity lies include:

“I am not worthy of love.”

“I am not good enough.”

“I always mess things up.”

“I will never be successful.”

“I am too broken to be whole.”

“No one truly cares about me.”

These lies feel real because they’ve been reinforced by life experiences, criticism, and our own negative self-talk. But the good news is, these messages don’t define who we truly are.

Breaking Free from False Identities

To break free from these limiting beliefs, we must replace lies with truth. Transformation begins with shifting our thinking—what some call “renewing the mind.” This isn’t about ignoring painful experiences, but about reframing them with a new perspective.

Here are truths to hold onto:

I am deeply loved and fully accepted.

My worth isn’t based on my performance.

I am not defined by my past mistakes.

I am whole and valuable just as I am.

I don’t need to prove my worth—I already have it.

Healing the Wounds That Create False Identities

False identities don’t develop in isolation; they’re tied to real wounds that need healing. One of the most powerful steps toward freedom is acknowledging these wounds rather than burying them. Many avoid confronting past traumas because the pain feels overwhelming. But true healing requires us to face and name what has hurt us.

Reflecting on the following can be a helpful step:

What experiences made me feel rejected, unworthy, or inadequate?

What words were spoken over me that shaped how I see myself?

How have these wounds influenced my choices, relationships, and self-perception?

Healing begins when we bring these hidden pains into the light and allow truth to transform how we see ourselves.

Rewriting the Narrative: Choosing a New Identity

Once we recognize that lies have shaped our identity, we can embrace a new narrative. This doesn’t mean ignoring our past but choosing to define ourselves by truth rather than pain.

If you believe “I am not enough,” replace it with “I am enough exactly as I am.”

If you believe “I am unlovable,” replace it with “I am deeply loved and worthy of love.”

If you believe “I am worthless,” replace it with “I have infinite worth that can’t be taken away.”

This isn’t simply positive thinking—it’s reclaiming the truth of who you’ve always been.

Living from Your True Identity

As you enter your true identity, you’ll notice a transformation in how you relate to others, handle challenges and see yourself. No longer will you be driven by a need for approval or validation—you’ll walk in confidence and freedom.

Living from your true identity means:

No longer depending on others to feel valuable.

Setting healthy boundaries that protect your self-worth.

Practicing self-compassion rather than self-criticism.

Allowing your past to inform you, but not define you.

The Journey to Wholeness

Healing from false identities is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. But each step brings you closer to the truth of who you’ve always been—whole, loved, and free.

Your past doesn’t define you. Your wounds don’t define you. The lies you’ve believed don’t define you.

You are enough. You are loved. You are whole.

It’s time to start living in that truth.

Go even deeper! See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

As He is, so are we in this world. -1 John 4:17

The Word of God, our Lord Jesus Christ, who did, through His transcendent love, become what we are, that He might bring us to be even what He is Himself. - Irenaeus

I have officiated dozens of weddings over the years, and one of my favorite moments in the ceremony is the lighting of the unity candle. The bride and groom each take their candles and use them to light a central candle together. Afterward, they blow out their individual candles, leaving only the central flame burning. It is a powerful symbol of oneness—a picture of two lives becoming one in commitment, love, and purpose.

This is exactly what happens in our union with Christ. When we’re in Him, we’re no longer separate from Him. We’re not merely trying to imitate Him, nor are we attempting to earn His presence. We’re in Him, and He is in us.

Understanding Union: More Than a Concept, It’s Reality

Over the years, I have seen how difficult it is for people to grasp the depth of their union with Christ. Many live as though their relationship with God is based on performance, striving to get closer to Him, when in reality, they’re already one with Him. This truth changes everything—how we pray, how we see ourselves, and how we live in daily communion with Him.

Our union with Christ isn’t something we work toward—it’s something we already possess. Paul describes this beautifully when he writes:

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we’re members of His body.” (Ephesians 5:29-30 ESV)

We’re not separate from Christ, hoping to one day be united with Him. We’re already members of His body. Just as a husband and wife become one in marriage, we have become one with Him. This isn’t a symbolic connection; it’s a deep, spiritual reality.

The Bible Is All About Jesus, and Jesus Is All About You

From the beginning, the Bible reveals God’s plan to bring humanity into union with Himself. The Old Testament foreshadows Christ, and the New Testament unveils the fulfillment of God’s desire for oneness with His people. Jesus did not come just to be an example—He came to fully unite us with Himself.

The incarnation wasn’t an isolated event but an eternal statement of God’s love for humanity. Jesus didn’t remain distant; He stepped into human flesh to bring us into Divine life. Because of Him, we no longer have to search for God as if He is far away—He is closer than our breath.

Your Life Is Hidden in Christ

Paul reminds us:

“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:3 ESV)

The moment we recognize our union with Christ, we stop trying to live for Him and start living from Him. His life is now our life. His righteousness is our righteousness. His relationship with the Father is our relationship with the Father.

This truth eliminates the exhausting effort to be “good enough.” We no longer strive for approval because we already have it. We’re not working to be accepted—we’re living from acceptance.

Jesus Isn’t Just Your Example—He Is Your Identity

Many of us view Jesus as a model to imitate, believing we must copy His actions to prove our faith. But Jesus didn’t come to show us how to live apart from Him—He came to live in us.

As early church father Irenaeus wrote:

“The Word of God, our Lord Jesus Christ, who did, through His transcendent love, become what we are, that He might bring us to be even what He is Himself.”

Jesus didn’t stand at a distance, waiting for us to figure out holiness on our own. He became one with us so that we might live fully in Him. This isn’t an abstract theological idea—it’s the foundation of our identity.

What Is True of Jesus Is True of You

John makes a profound statement:

“As He is, so are we in this world.” (1 John 4:17 ESV)

Consider that for a moment. As Jesus is—right now—so are we. Not just in the future, but today. His victory is our victory. His life is our life. His relationship with the Father is our relationship with the Father.

This truth reshapes how we approach life. No longer do we beg God for what He has already given. No longer do we struggle for righteousness that has already been provided. We live in the fullness of Christ because we’re one with Him.

Living From Union Instead of Striving for It

A common misconception in Christianity is that we must do something to get closer to God. But how can you get closer to someone who already lives inside you?

Jesus prayed:

“In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in Me, and I in you.” (John 14:20 ESV)

We’re not trying to attain union with Christ. We’re living from it. This shift from striving to resting changes everything. Instead of chasing spiritual closeness, we simply abide in the reality of our oneness with Him.

Stop Trying to Earn What Is Already Yours

Many people live as if their relationship with God depends on them—their prayers, their devotion, and their ability to do everything right. But Jesus never placed that burden on us. He invited us to abide:

“Abide in Me, and I in you.” (John 15:4 ESV)

To abide means to remain, to rest, to dwell. You don’t have to beg for God’s presence—He already dwells in you. You don’t have to work to be in union with Christ—you already are.

Your Union Is Secure—Now Enjoy It

Understanding your union with Christ frees you from fear, striving, and doubt. You no longer live as if God is far away. You don’t question whether you are worthy. You don’t have to struggle to stay close to Him.

You are in Him, and He is in you.

When He died, you died.

When He rose, you rose.

When He ascended, you ascended.

This isn’t metaphorical; it’s the reality of our faith.

The Invitation: Live in the Fullness of Christ

The only thing left to do is accept what has already been given. Stop striving, stop doubting, and rest in the truth of your union with Christ.

So the next time you feel distant from God, remind yourself:

I am one with Him.

His life is my life.

His love is my love.

His peace is my peace.

You aren’t separate. You aren’t alone. You are fully embraced in the perfect love of Christ.

Want to know more? See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! -1 John 3:1 

We could also say that there is only one real kind of poverty: not living as children of God and brothers and sisters of Christ. -Pope Francis

Love is often misunderstood. Many people believe love is about possession, control, or earning someone’s affection. But authentic love is different—it is selfless, free, and unconditional. True love does not demand change but desires the best for the other person, even if that best does not include us. This is the nature of Divine love, and it’s the love God extends to each of us.

The Power of Perception: Believing the Lie or Embracing the Truth

Imagine inheriting a vast estate from a relative you were told was cruel, selfish, and unkind. Your entire life, you avoided this person because of the stories others told you. You never took the time to know them yourself. But when they pass away, you learn from their closest friends that they were nothing like what you had been told! They were loving, generous, and deeply cared about you.

This is exactly how many of us approach God. We’ve been conditioned by past traumas, painful experiences, and even religious teachings that paint God as distant, harsh, or demanding. Instead of experiencing His love firsthand, we base our perception of Him on the lies we’ve believed.

So we live our lives in unnecessary separation from God. Not because He has distanced Himself from us, but because we’ve misunderstood who He is.

The Invitation to Participate in God’s Love

We’re not only loved by God; we’re invited to participate in His love. The relationship between the Father, Son, and Spirit is one of perfect unity and love, and we’re included in that relationship. This isn’t a love we need to earn; it’s a love we are already part of. The problem is not whether we’re included but whether we recognize and embrace it.

But we struggle with this because we believe we must change first. We think, “If I just fix this part of me, then God will love me more.” But God’s love isn’t performance-based. You’re already everything He ever wanted.

The Lies We Believe Versus the Truth We Need

One of the most powerful moments in my counseling sessions is when I look into someone’s eyes and say:

You are deeply loved by God.

God thinks of you more times in a day than there are grains of sand on the seashore.

You are everything God ever wanted, right now.

You are a masterpiece and priceless in His eyes.

Rarely do people hold eye contact. These words go against the lies they’ve believed about themselves for years. Many have never had a true model of love, especially from a father figure. If someone has experienced an earthly father who was absent, abusive, or unpredictable, they often project those qualities onto God.

But God is not like that. He is not unreliable, angry, or distant. He is love itself, and that love is directed fully toward you.

Rewiring the Mind to Accept Love

Our brains have been conditioned to believe lies about God and ourselves. Over time, these false beliefs shape our emotions, our self-worth, and even our relationships. But just as negative thinking can be ingrained, positive truths can be reinforced.

A simple but powerful exercise is standing in front of a mirror each day and declaring the truth:

I am and have always been God’s beloved child.

I am deeply loved, accepted, and cherished.

God’s love for me is unconditional—there is nothing I can do to change it.

I am worthy of love, simply because I am His.

At first, it may feel uncomfortable. But with time, these truths will begin to reshape your heart and mind.

Spiritual Orphan Syndrome: Living as if You Are Not Loved

Many live as spiritual orphans rather than as children of God. An orphan mentality is one of survival—fighting for approval, working to be good enough, and fearing rejection. A child of God rests in the security of the Father’s love.

A story is told of an orphan boy who was adopted into a wealthy family. He had spent years fighting for food, wearing tattered clothes, and never having a place to call home. When he arrived at his new home, his adoptive father showed him a beautiful bedroom, a stocked kitchen, and all the comforts of family life.

But for weeks, the boy refused to sleep in his bed. Instead, he made a straw bed in the stables. He still scavenged for food, not trusting that there would always be enough. He was technically adopted, but he wasn’t living like a son.

Some of us live the same way. We’re children of God, but we still live as if we’re orphans—struggling for worth, fearing abandonment, and doubting love. But God’s message to us is clear:

“You are my child. Everything I have is already yours. Stop living as if you are unloved.”

The orphan mentality keeps us from fully participating in God’s love. It keeps us bound in fear, unable to receive what is freely given.

Healing from Spiritual Abandonment

Orphan mentality causes us to suffer from what is called spiritual orphan syndrome. Just like children who’ve been abandoned by their parents may struggle with feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, and fear, many people feel emotionally distant from God. This leads to:

Alienation from God, avoiding intimacy with Him.

Guilt, believing that mistakes make them unworthy.

Fear and uncertainty, constantly questioning if God is truly for them.

Trying to earn God’s love through performance rather than receiving it freely.

The only way to heal from this is to experience the love of the Father firsthand. Not as a theory, not as a doctrine, but as a real, personal encounter.

Moving from Fear to Love

So how do we transition from feeling like abandoned children to fully embraced sons and daughters?

Admit where you are. No more hiding. Acknowledge the areas where you have doubted God’s love.

Release the burden of change. Transformation is God’s job, not yours. Let Him do the work.

Ask God to open your eyes. Pray for the awareness of His love each day.

Thank Him for the journey. Even the painful moments have led you to this point. Nothing is wasted.

Living in the Fullness of Love

Your journey is not about trying to become something—it’s about realizing what is already true. You’re already included in God’s love. You’re already embraced. You’re already enough.

The question is not whether God loves you. The question is: Will you participate in that love?

Authentic love—the love that asks for nothing in return, that never controls, that always seeks the best—is yours. Will you accept it?

Go even deeper! Check out D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. -Luke 15:31

Where there is love there is life. -Mahatma Gandhi

One of the most profound stories Jesus told was about two sons—one who ran away and one who stayed behind. Many call it the Parable of the Prodigal Son, but the real focus isn’t just on the lost son—it’s on the father, whose love breaks every expectation. This story unveils the true heart of God, not only toward those who wander but also toward those who remain but fail to embrace the fullness of His love and grace.

A Father’s Love That Knows No Bounds

In an act that would have been seen as outrageous in Jewish culture, the younger son demands his inheritance while his father is still alive. Essentially, he is saying, “I wish you were dead—just give me my share now.” Despite the deep insult, the father grants his request. No arguments. No reprimands. Just an open hand.

This tells us something incredible about God’s character. He does not force us into obedience. He allows us to make our own choices, even when they lead us down painful paths. The younger son viewed his father as restrictive instead of loving. He believed real freedom and fulfillment were out there, away from his father’s presence.

The Illusion of Freedom

With money in hand, the younger son sets off for a far country. He wastes his wealth on reckless living, throwing it away to build an image, to fit in, and to experience fleeting pleasure. The word squandered literally means to scatter—to throw away without thought.

As soon as his money runs out, his so-called friends disappear. Left alone, starving, and desperate, he ends up working in the most humiliating position imaginable for a Jewish man—feeding pigs. He is so hungry that even the food meant for the pigs looks appealing.

It’s often in our lowest moments that we begin to see clearly. The younger son “came to himself.” He realized that his father was not the harsh, controlling man he had imagined, but a provider. Even his father’s servants had more than enough. He decided to return home—not as a son, but as a servant—believing he had forfeited his place in the family.

How often do we fall into the same trap? We assume our failures have changed God’s heart toward us. We believe we must earn our way back, prove our sincerity, and work to regain favor. But the next part of the story shatters that misconception entirely.

The Father Who Runs

The son prepares his apology, expecting judgment and rejection. But before he even reaches home, his father sees him from a distance.

And what does the father do? He runs.

In that culture, dignified men did not run. It was considered undignified and beneath them. But this father doesn’t care about appearances—he throws aside social expectations because his love is greater than cultural dignity. He runs to his son, embraces him, and kisses him before a single word of repentance is spoken.

The son begins his rehearsed speech, but the father doesn’t even let him finish. Instead, he calls for the best robe, a ring, and sandals—signs of full restoration as a son, not a servant. Then, he commands a feast.

“For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.” (Luke 15:24)

This is who God is. He is not waiting for you to clean yourself up before He embraces you. He meets you in your mess, wraps His arms around you, and calls for a celebration.

The Older Son: Lost in a Different Way

While the younger son was lost in rebellion, the older son was lost in resentment. He had stayed home, worked hard, followed the rules—and now, he was furious that his reckless brother was being celebrated.

His words reveal his heart:

“Look! These many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat that I might celebrate with my friends.” (Luke 15:29)

The older son viewed his relationship with his father as a contract—work hard, follow the rules, and get rewarded. Now, he felt cheated. He had done everything “right,” and yet the one who had done everything wrong was getting celebrated.

How often do we struggle with this same mindset? We look at others who receive God’s grace and silently ask, “What about me? Haven’t I been faithful? Haven’t I done enough?”

The father’s response is stunning:

“Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.” (Luke 15:31)

The older son had access to everything his father owned, yet he lived as if he were just a servant. He had obedience but no joy. He had the father’s house but didn’t share his father’s heart.

Are You the Prodigal or the Party Pooper?

Some of us have been the younger son—running, rebelling, hitting rock bottom, and fearing that God has given up on us. But He hasn’t. He’s watching for you, running toward you, ready to celebrate your return.

Some of us have been the older son—doing everything “right” but missing the joy of God’s presence. We’ve served, obeyed, and worked hard, but we’ve allowed resentment to build because we’ve misunderstood what it means to be a child of God.

The Invitation to Join the Celebration

At the end of the story, the younger son is inside enjoying the party, while the older son is outside, refusing to join. The father goes out to plead with him, just as he ran to the younger son. But the story never tells us if the older son went in.

Why? Because that’s the decision each of us must make.

God isn’t just inviting rebels to return—He’s inviting the self-righteous to rejoice. He’s calling everyone, prodigals and party poopers alike, to step into the fullness of His love. The question is, will we?

The kingdom of God is a party, a celebration. The Father is throwing a feast. Will you come in and join the party?

Want to know more? See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends. -John 15:15

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. -Jim Morrison

Many people believe that God loves them because, well, He has to. After all, He is God, and love is His nature. But what if I told you that God doesn’t just love you—He genuinely likes you? He enjoys your personality, laughter, quirks, and even the things you think make you unworthy. He doesn’t merely tolerate you; He delights in you.

The Difference Between Love and Like

One of the first things I ask couples in premarital counseling isn’t “Do you love each other?” but “Do you like each other?” Love is deep, committed, and enduring, but liking someone means you enjoy their company. It means you genuinely want to spend time with them, laugh with them, and share life with them.

The same is true with God. His love for you is unwavering, but He also genuinely likes you. He wants to spend time with you, not out of obligation but out of delight. That’s a game-changer for many who’ve spent their lives believing that God merely tolerates them because He has to.

God Likes You Just as You Are

Maybe you’ve thought, “Sure, God loves me, but He must be disappointed in me.” You might feel like you’ve too many flaws, too many struggles, or that you’re just not where you should be spiritually. But here’s the truth: God doesn’t just love some perfected future version of you. He likes you as you are right now.

Yes, we all grow and change, but that’s God’s responsibility, not yours. When we become obsessed with fixing ourselves, we miss the joy of resting in the truth that God already delights in us. Our journey isn’t about earning His approval; it’s about realizing we’ve had it all along.

Jesus’ Radical Friendship with People

Jesus showed us what the heart of the Father looks like through His actions. He spent time with the outcasts, the so-called sinners, and those others avoided. The religious leaders couldn’t stand it.

“The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’” (Luke 7:34 ESV)

They murmured and grumbled because Jesus welcomed people they thought were unworthy. But Jesus wasn’t just ministering to them—He enjoyed being with them. He liked their company.

How often do we assume God feels distant from us because of our flaws? But if Jesus could delight in spending time with those society looked down on, why wouldn’t He feel the same way about you?

The Lost Sheep—You Have Always Belonged

Jesus told a powerful parable about a shepherd who had 100 sheep, and when one got lost, he left the 99 to go after the one.

“Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.” (Luke 15:6 ESV)

Here’s the key: The sheep belonged to the shepherd before it was ever lost. It wasn’t an outsider trying to earn a place in the flock. It was always his.

God isn’t waiting for you to prove yourself worthy of belonging. You’ve always belonged to Him. He’s not standing back, waiting for you to make your way back home—He’s already pursuing you, carrying you, and celebrating you.

You Are Valued—The Lost Coin

Jesus followed up with another parable about a woman who lost a valuable silver coin. She searched her entire house, lighting a lamp and sweeping until she found it. And when she did, she rejoiced.

“Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.” (Luke 15:9 ESV)

That coin never lost its value, even while it was lost. It was precious the entire time.

You are that valuable to God. Nothing you’ve done—or haven’t done—has diminished your worth in His eyes. He doesn’t just love you in some theological sense. He values you personally, intimately, deeply.

God’s Thoughts About You Are Precious

If you still struggle to believe that God truly enjoys you, consider this:

“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand.” (Psalm 139:17-18 ESV)

God’s thoughts about you are precious and outnumber the grains of sand. Think about that! Every single thought He has toward you is filled with love, kindness, and joy. He isn’t frustrated with you. He isn’t waiting for you to get it together. He is completely and utterly delighted in you.

More Than Servants—God Calls You Friend

Jesus made an incredible statement in John 15:15:

“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends.” (John 15:15 NKJV)

Friendship isn’t about obligation, it’s about desire. Jesus doesn’t just save you; He chooses you as His friend. Imagine the best friendships in your life; the people who make you laugh, who encourage you, who love you just as you are. That’s the kind of relationship Jesus wants with you.

God’s Delight in You—A Reason to Rest

So what does all of this mean for your life? It means you can stop striving. You don’t have to perform for God’s approval. You don’t have to work harder to make Him happy. You don’t have to wonder if you measure up.

God already delights in you. He already enjoys you. He isn’t waiting for you to become a better version of yourself before He fully embraces you. You already belong. You’re already loved. And best of all, you’re already liked.

So the next time you think about God, don’t picture Him as distant or disappointed. Picture Him smiling, laughing, and enjoying who you are. Because He does.

See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life to learn more.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

In an era where technology has erased geographical barriers, we can instantly connect with anyone, anywhere. With a single tap, we bridge distances that once felt insurmountable. Despite this, many of us still feel spiritually distant from God, as if He is unreachable or requires a long journey to access. But what if this sense of separation is nothing more than an illusion? What if God has never been far, and there has never been a delay in His presence or love?

Dispelling the Myth of Separation

Feelings can be deceptive. Just because we feel distant from God doesn’t mean we are. Perhaps life’s hardships make us question His nearness, leading us to ask, Where is God in all of this? The belief that God is absent in our struggles fosters frustration, doubt, and even resentment.

However, this perception is built on a misunderstanding. God has never abandoned us—not for a second. He is intimately present in every second of our existence. The idea that God turned His back on Jesus at the cross—and, by extension, on us—is one of the most damaging misconceptions. In truth, God has never forsaken us, and He never will.

Breaking Free from the "I Am Not" Mentality

One of the most insidious lies we tell ourselves is rooted in the phrase "I am not."

I am not good enough.

I am not spiritual enough.

I am not worthy of love.

This self-defeating mindset keeps us trapped in a cycle of striving, making us believe that if we just did more—prayed more, served more, tried harder—we’d finally be enough. But this isn’t how God operates. The truth is, we’re already enough. We’re already loved, already accepted. We’re not on a journey toward worthiness; we’ve been worthy from the beginning.

Since the dawn of humanity, we’ve been deceived into believing we lack something essential. Adam and Eve believed they were missing out, tricked into striving for what was already theirs. Today, that same deception lingers, whispering to us that we’re incomplete and that God is withholding something we must earn. But He has never withheld anything. His love, His presence, His acceptance—these have always been freely given.

The Difference Between Religion and Relationship

For centuries, religion has functioned like a never-ending checklist—one more sermon, one more act of service, one more step before we finally "arrive." It operates much like the fast-food industry: offering just enough to keep us coming back without ever truly satisfying our hunger. Religion thrives on a scarcity mindset, making us believe we must do something to earn God's love.

But God isn’t keeping score. He doesn’t operate on a merit system. He isn’t waiting for us to check the right boxes before He declares us acceptable. We’re already embraced, already whole, already home.

Legalism places heavy burdens on us, convincing us that Divine approval must be earned. Grace, on the other hand, is a gift. When we stop striving for something we already have, we enter into the peace and freedom that has always been ours.

Living in the Reality of Our Union with God

The moment we shift our perspective from striving to resting, we step into the fullness of our relationship with God. The Apostle Paul emphasized this truth repeatedly: We are in Christ, and Christ is in us. There is no distance or separation. Only our perception keeps us from fully experiencing this reality.

To live in this truth means shedding guilt, shame, and the relentless pursuit of approval. Instead of trying to become something, we recognize that we already are. This realization transforms how we live, pray, and relate to God.

In my years of counseling, I have seen how past trauma—whether abandonment, abuse, or profound loss—creates an overwhelming sense of separation from God. Many believe that if God truly loved them, He would have prevented their pain. But the truth is, God was never absent. He was there, carrying them through, even when they couldn’t perceive His presence.

Embracing Our True Identity in Christ

If you’ve ever felt unworthy, unloved, or distant from God, know this: Your feelings don’t define your reality. You’re not a lost cause. You’re not abandoned. You’re not lacking.

You’re not unloved. You’re deeply cherished.

You’re not distant. You’re one with Christ.

You’re not unworthy. You’re fully accepted, just as you are.

The invitation is simple: Stop striving. Stop trying to earn what has already been given freely. Rest in the truth that you’re already embraced by a love beyond measure.

The Power of Letting Go

Many of us live as if we must constantly prove ourselves—to God, to others, even to ourselves. We believe that if we just do enough, we’ll finally feel whole. But true freedom comes when we let go of this exhausting cycle.

When we embrace who we are in Christ, we find the rest our souls have been craving.

Remember, God is not far. He never has been. There is no distance, no delay. Only the eternal embrace of our Abba Father, who has never let you go and never, ever will.

Want to know more? See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment. -I John 4:18 GNT 

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion. -Brennan Manning

I used to think that my relationship with God was built purely on knowledge. If I read the Bible, prayed, and did all the right things, then surely my faith would be strong. But something felt off. No matter how much I studied, there was a disconnect. Over time, I realized that my emotions toward God—how I felt about Him—were shaping my spiritual life more than I ever understood.

We often assume our faith is driven by what we believe in our minds, but in reality, our hearts tell a different story. We may say, God is good, but if we feel abandoned in our struggles, do we truly trust that goodness? If we claim God is loving, yet secretly believe He is impossible to please, how close do we allow ourselves to get to Him?

Our emotions create the lens through which we see God, and that perspective influences everything.

Why Do We Keep God at a Distance?

Many of us long for closeness with God, but at the same time, we hesitate. We may not even realize we’re doing it, but deep down, something holds us back. I’ve met so many people who desire a deeper faith but wrestle with feelings of unworthiness, fear, or even distrust of God.

Some common thoughts I’ve heard from others—and even battled myself—include:

God is disappointed in me.

I have to work harder to be worthy of Him.

God will bless others, but not me.

He is distant and uninvolved in my struggles.

I can’t be honest with God because He will judge me.

Thoughts like these are significant, because what we believe emotionally about God determines whether we run toward Him or away from Him. If we secretly think He’s always watching to catch our failures, we’ll approach Him with hesitation, not confidence. If we think He’s distant and uninterested, we won’t expect Him to be active in our lives.

The way we feel about God impacts how we pray, how we worship, how we read Scripture, and how we experience His presence. Even how we relate to those around us.

The First Human Response to Fear

This emotional struggle is nothing new. In fact, we see it in the very first humans. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, their first reaction was to hide.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.” (Genesis 3:7) NKJV

Instead of running to God for help, they ran away. Why? Because suddenly, they saw Him through a lens of fear instead of love. They assumed He would be angry, that His presence meant punishment, and they felt ashamed. But the truth was, God had not changed. They had.

Their feelings shaped how they saw God, and that perception caused them to distance themselves. The same thing happens to us today.

The Lies We Believe About God

Throughout life, we pick up ideas about God—some true, some false. Unfortunately, many of us have unknowingly adopted a distorted view of Him. Our upbringing, past experiences, and even religious teachings can leave us with an inaccurate picture of His character.

We may feel that God is harsh because authority figures in our lives were harsh. We may believe He is absent because we’ve felt unseen in our struggles. We may think we need to prove our worth because human love has often been conditional.

But just because we feel something doesn’t mean it’s true.

Shifting from Fear to Love

The Bible makes it clear that God’s nature is love—not just in what He does, but in who He is.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) NKJV

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.: (Psalm 145:8) NIV

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.” (Galatians 5:22) NIV

If our feelings about God are dominated by fear, guilt, or hesitation, it’s a sign that we haven’t yet fully grasped His love. God never intended for us to walk in uncertainty about our standing with Him. He longs for us to know, beyond any doubt, that we’re cherished.

How Our Feelings Affect Our Faith

When our emotions are out of alignment with the truth, it creates a barrier between us and God. We see this in several ways:

Prayer becomes difficult. If we feel unworthy or think God isn’t listening, we hesitate to pray with confidence.

Worship feels forced. When we don’t trust God’s love, worship may feel like a performance instead of a response.

Reading the Bible becomes a struggle. If we secretly think God is distant or demanding, we may read Scripture through a lens of duty instead of joy.

We strive instead of rest. If we believe we must earn God’s love, we constantly strive to be “good enough” instead of resting in His grace.

What If God Is More Loving Than You Ever Imagined?

What if the version of God you’ve feared isn’t real? What if He is more loving, more compassionate, and more patient than you’ve ever dared to believe?

Imagine a God who:

Welcomes you in your mess, not just when you have it all together.

Listens to every prayer, even the ones you’re afraid to pray.

Never withholds love based on your mistakes.

Delights in you simply because you’re His.

This is the true heart of God. He’s not standing at a distance, waiting for you to measure up. He’s already near, inviting you to trust Him.

Healing Our Emotions Toward God

If you recognize that your feelings about God have been shaped by fear, past hurts, or misconceptions, don’t be discouraged. The good news is that emotions can be healed, and perceptions can change.

Begin shifting how you feel about God with some of these practices:

Acknowledge how you truly feel. Be honest with yourself about any fears, doubts, or hesitations you have toward God.

Compare your feelings to Scripture. What does the Bible actually say about God’s nature? Do your emotions align with truth?

Invite God into the process. Ask Him to reveal His love to you in a personal way.

Surround yourself with truth. Find encouraging books, sermons, or mentors who reinforce the reality of God’s kindness.

Give yourself grace. Changing deep-seated emotions takes time. Be patient with yourself as you grow in trust.

A New Perspective

If you’ve spent years believing that God is distant, demanding, or impossible to please, I encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself:

What if I’ve been wrong about Him?

What if He is better than I ever imagined?

What if His love is deeper than I’ve ever experienced?

What if He’s been right beside me all along, waiting for me to see Him clearly?

No matter what your emotions have told you, the truth remains: God is for you, not against you. And once you begin to feel that truth deep in your heart, everything changes.

It’s time to stop running, stop hiding, and start embracing the love that has always been yours.

Want to know more? See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment Of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life .

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It’s not so much an active emotion as a state of being. -Ram Dass

For years, I searched for something deeper—love that wasn’t conditional, love that didn’t have to be earned. Like many, I thought love came with expectations, which had to be proven through good behavior, meeting standards, or being enough. The more I chased after it, the emptier I felt. But then, I came face to face with a life-altering truth: God is love. Not just a loving being but the very essence of love itself.

Understanding this wasn’t just an intellectual revelation, it completely shifted my view of relationships, self-worth, and faith. It redefined how I saw God, how I saw myself, and how I treated those around me. Love was no longer something I had to strive for; it was something I had always been invited to receive.

When Life Takes an Unexpected Turn

I remember the moment my world changed. One day, everything felt normal. The next, I woke up with a strange tingling in my feet. It spread quickly—nerve pain, burning sensations, muscle weakness, and exhaustion I couldn't explain. Doctors ran tests, specialists gave theories, but no one could give me real answers. Fear gripped me.

What if I never recovered? What if I could no longer take care of my family? What if this was my new reality? The uncertainty was overwhelming, and I started questioning everything—including God.

In the silence of my suffering, I heard a question that stopped me in my tracks: “Do you believe that I am perfect love?”

At first, my honest answer was no. If God was love, why was I in pain? Why had my prayers gone unanswered? But as I wrestled with that question, a shift happened. What if love wasn’t defined by my circumstances? What if love had been there all along?

That moment wasn’t an instant healing, but it was the beginning of a transformation—one that changed how I understood God’s love forever.

How We See God Shapes Everything

Many of us believe in God, but our perception of Him is often shaped by our personal experiences. For years, I saw Him as distant, a strict observer waiting for me to prove myself. My relationship with Him was built on striving—trying to be good enough, trying to earn approval.

But I was wrong. God was never withholding love. He wasn’t standing back, keeping score. His love was constant, unwavering, and independent of my performance.

Once I realized this, everything changed. I stopped trying to achieve love and started receiving it.

The Trinity: Love in Its Purest Form

One of the most profound realizations I had was about the nature of the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Before the world was created, love already existed in perfect harmony between them. God didn’t create us because He needed us. He wasn’t lonely. He wasn’t incomplete. He created us from an overflow of love—so abundant that He wanted to share it with us.

This truth freed me from the lie that God’s love depended on my actions. He didn’t love me because of what I could offer. He loved me simply because love is who He is.

The Creation of Humanity: A Love Story

When God created humanity, He called us very good. That phrase stood out to me in a way it never had before. The Hebrew word towb means beautiful, excellent, delightful. From the very beginning, we were designed as an expression of God’s love, not as an afterthought, not as a project, but as something He delighted in.

This realization changed the way I saw myself. My worth wasn’t tied to my achievements, my failures, or my past. My worth was established the moment God called me His own.

Where It All Went Wrong: The Distortion of Love

If God’s love is so perfect, why do so many struggle to experience it? That was another question I wrestled with. The answer lies in the story of the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve believed the lie that they were lacking, that God was holding something back from them, they stepped away from perfect love.

Shame took over. Fear replaced trust. Instead of resting in love, humanity began searching for love in places it was never meant to be found.

Since then, people have tried to fill that void—chasing after relationships, success, validation, believing that love must be earned rather than freely received.

But God never changed. His love remained. And He set a plan in motion to restore what was lost.

Jesus: The Ultimate Expression of Love

God’s response to brokenness wasn’t to pull away. It wasn’t to wait for humanity to fix itself. His response was Jesus.

Jesus came to show us what love really looks like: love that gives, love that sacrifices, love that meets people exactly where they are. He didn’t come to set impossible standards; He came to reveal that we’re never excluded, never abandoned, never unloved.

For years, I struggled with feeling worthy of that love. But then I realized my worthiness was never the point. Jesus didn’t love me because I had earned it. He loved me because love is who He is. That truth shattered every lie I had believed about myself.

Living in the Reality of Love

Once I embraced this truth, everything shifted.

I stopped striving. No more living under the weight of “trying to be enough.”

Fear lost its grip. When I trusted in God’s love, anxiety and doubt lost their control.

My relationships changed. Experiencing unconditional love allowed me to extend it to others.

I found peace. Instead of questioning my worth, I rested in the truth that I was already deeply loved.

An Invitation to Experience Real Love

This isn’t just a theological discussion. It’s an invitation. An invitation to stop searching for love in things that will never satisfy and start resting in the love that has always been there.

So, I ask you, just as I had to ask myself:

Do you truly believe that God loves you, not just in theory, but personally?

Are there past wounds that have made it hard for you to trust that love?

What would change in your life if you stopped striving for love and simply received it?

God’s love isn’t a transaction. It’s not based on what you do or don’t do. It’s a gift—one that has always been yours.

The moment you embrace it, everything changes.

You are seen. You are known. You are loved.

See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life to learn more.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It’s not so much an active emotion as a state of being. -Ram Dass

For years, I searched for something deeper—love that wasn’t conditional, love that didn’t have to be earned. Like many, I thought love came with expectations, which had to be proven through good behavior, meeting standards, or being enough. The more I chased after it, the emptier I felt. But then, I came face to face with a life-altering truth: God is love. Not just a loving being but the very essence of love itself.

Understanding this wasn’t just an intellectual revelation, it completely shifted my view of relationships, self-worth, and faith. It redefined how I saw God, how I saw myself, and how I treated those around me. Love was no longer something I had to strive for; it was something I had always been invited to receive.

When Life Takes an Unexpected Turn

I remember the moment my world changed. One day, everything felt normal. The next, I woke up with a strange tingling in my feet. It spread quickly—nerve pain, burning sensations, muscle weakness, and exhaustion I couldn't explain. Doctors ran tests, specialists gave theories, but no one could give me real answers. Fear gripped me.

What if I never recovered? What if I could no longer take care of my family? What if this was my new reality? The uncertainty was overwhelming, and I started questioning everything—including God.

In the silence of my suffering, I heard a question that stopped me in my tracks: “Do you believe that I am perfect love?”

At first, my honest answer was no. If God was love, why was I in pain? Why had my prayers gone unanswered? But as I wrestled with that question, a shift happened. What if love wasn’t defined by my circumstances? What if love had been there all along?

That moment wasn’t an instant healing, but it was the beginning of a transformation—one that changed how I understood God’s love forever.

How We See God Shapes Everything

Many of us believe in God, but our perception of Him is often shaped by our personal experiences. For years, I saw Him as distant, a strict observer waiting for me to prove myself. My relationship with Him was built on striving—trying to be good enough, trying to earn approval.

But I was wrong. God was never withholding love. He wasn’t standing back, keeping score. His love was constant, unwavering, and independent of my performance.

Once I realized this, everything changed. I stopped trying to achieve love and started receiving it.

The Trinity: Love in Its Purest Form

One of the most profound realizations I had was about the nature of the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Before the world was created, love already existed in perfect harmony between them. God didn’t create us because He needed us. He wasn’t lonely. He wasn’t incomplete. He created us from an overflow of love—so abundant that He wanted to share it with us.

This truth freed me from the lie that God’s love depended on my actions. He didn’t love me because of what I could offer. He loved me simply because love is who He is.

The Creation of Humanity: A Love Story

When God created humanity, He called us very good. That phrase stood out to me in a way it never had before. The Hebrew word towb means beautiful, excellent, delightful. From the very beginning, we were designed as an expression of God’s love, not as an afterthought, not as a project, but as something He delighted in.

This realization changed the way I saw myself. My worth wasn’t tied to my achievements, my failures, or my past. My worth was established the moment God called me His own.

Where It All Went Wrong: The Distortion of Love

If God’s love is so perfect, why do so many struggle to experience it? That was another question I wrestled with. The answer lies in the story of the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve believed the lie that they were lacking, that God was holding something back from them, they stepped away from perfect love.

Shame took over. Fear replaced trust. Instead of resting in love, humanity began searching for love in places it was never meant to be found.

Since then, people have tried to fill that void—chasing after relationships, success, validation, believing that love must be earned rather than freely received.

But God never changed. His love remained. And He set a plan in motion to restore what was lost.

Jesus: The Ultimate Expression of Love

God’s response to brokenness wasn’t to pull away. It wasn’t to wait for humanity to fix itself. His response was Jesus.

Jesus came to show us what love really looks like: love that gives, love that sacrifices, love that meets people exactly where they are. He didn’t come to set impossible standards; He came to reveal that we’re never excluded, never abandoned, never unloved.

For years, I struggled with feeling worthy of that love. But then I realized my worthiness was never the point. Jesus didn’t love me because I had earned it. He loved me because love is who He is. That truth shattered every lie I had believed about myself.

Living in the Reality of Love

Once I embraced this truth, everything shifted.

I stopped striving. No more living under the weight of “trying to be enough.”

Fear lost its grip. When I trusted in God’s love, anxiety and doubt lost their control.

My relationships changed. Experiencing unconditional love allowed me to extend it to others.

I found peace. Instead of questioning my worth, I rested in the truth that I was already deeply loved.

An Invitation to Experience Real Love

This isn’t just a theological discussion. It’s an invitation. An invitation to stop searching for love in things that will never satisfy and start resting in the love that has always been there.

So, I ask you, just as I had to ask myself:

Do you truly believe that God loves you, not just in theory, but personally?

Are there past wounds that have made it hard for you to trust that love?

What would change in your life if you stopped striving for love and simply received it?

God’s love isn’t a transaction. It’s not based on what you do or don’t do. It’s a gift—one that has always been yours.

The moment you embrace it, everything changes.

You are seen. You are known. You are loved.

See D. Scott Cook’s book Alignment of Authentic Love: Living Your Highest Life to learn more.

Do you know Christmas is more about you than Jesus?

It’s true. When Jesus came into the world, the importance of that day wasn't His incarnation, but your inclusion in His incarnation!

It’s the whole reason He became flesh.

Upon His birth, Jesus took all of humanity with Him, past, present, and future. Then, He did what no one could do: Live a purely human life of truth, love, and grace.

Jesus’ victory is your victory

God was pleased to have all of himself live in Christ. God was also pleased to bring everything on earth and in heaven back to himself through Christ. Colossians 1:19-20

The days of waiting and hoping you'll get your act together are over. You're in Him and He's in you. And all that He is, is true of you this moment. It’s not what you DO. It’s what He’s already DONE. It’s a finished work in Christ Jesus.

On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. John 14:20

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. I John 4:17

You're one spirit with Him

But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. I Corinthians 6:17

Indeed, your very essence is spirit: “The Spirit gives life,” John 6:63. Past behavior, failures, or mistakes don't define you; your union and oneness in Christ do.

Let His Life in you be your focal point, not outward things of this world. Focusing on Him and experiencing Him from within is where authentic transformation happens.

So celebrate the reality of your spiritual union in Christ, and you'll enjoy Christmas every single day.

For with God nothing will be impossible. Luke 1:37

Merry CHRISTmas from Abiding in Agape!