Courtney Filigenzi's Blog - Posts Tagged "moving-on"
Turning Away From the Closed Doors of Our Past
Sometimes when situations change, people move on and doors close, we feel sad and confused. We often look for closure, answers and understanding but all three slip from our grasp like the winter wind- the cold bite is tangible, but we are left with nothing to hold on to.
Like ghosts, our memories haunt us. They fade in and out of our consciousness as the disembodied dreams of what could have been. A lot of times, those dreams were based on empty expectations and hopes- plans we formed in the recesses of our minds that were never based on reality. Reality is what it is, and a lot of times, it’s hard to accept. Why didn’t he love me more? Why didn’t she change? It could have been so much better if they weren’t who they really are. Why couldn’t they act the way I wanted them to?
The circumstances of our lives make us who we are, for good and for bad, and though some of us can grow and change, a lot of us won’t. This leads us to the question, do we need to? Sometimes, the answer may be yes, but if we’re merely trying to fit into the construct of someone else’s expectations of who we should be, we need to analyze the benefits of the change. If the change is something we long to see in ourselves, then surely we should make it, but we can’t learn to be who we truly are if we base our decisions solely on the desires of others.
Doors close for a reason. We may not know why or how and we may have envisioned a different path for ourselves or our loved ones, but everyone makes choices. These choices may be good or bad and the consequences of those decisions will always exist whether they are understood or not.
When a door closes, it’s okay to mourn. But at some point, you have to stop examining the door. You need to stop analyzing the grain and knots on the wood. You need to stop judging the splintered surface and the scattered notches and pull your hand off that cold, locked handle. You need to take a deep breath, and turn yourself around. Put your back to the door of what could have been and look, really look at what surrounds you. Be grateful for what is there, and then take a step forward. It can be difficult and scary to explore the possibilities of what can be, because the future is unknown, but nothing can be more frightening than wasting your life pawing and scratching at a door that is no longer meant to be opened. Nothing is scarier than blinding yourself in the darkness of your past when there is a possibility of light in your future.
So, with courage and hope, turn away from those closed doors, leave the ghosts of the past in the past and with your whole heart, move toward the spirit of your future.
Like ghosts, our memories haunt us. They fade in and out of our consciousness as the disembodied dreams of what could have been. A lot of times, those dreams were based on empty expectations and hopes- plans we formed in the recesses of our minds that were never based on reality. Reality is what it is, and a lot of times, it’s hard to accept. Why didn’t he love me more? Why didn’t she change? It could have been so much better if they weren’t who they really are. Why couldn’t they act the way I wanted them to?
The circumstances of our lives make us who we are, for good and for bad, and though some of us can grow and change, a lot of us won’t. This leads us to the question, do we need to? Sometimes, the answer may be yes, but if we’re merely trying to fit into the construct of someone else’s expectations of who we should be, we need to analyze the benefits of the change. If the change is something we long to see in ourselves, then surely we should make it, but we can’t learn to be who we truly are if we base our decisions solely on the desires of others.
Doors close for a reason. We may not know why or how and we may have envisioned a different path for ourselves or our loved ones, but everyone makes choices. These choices may be good or bad and the consequences of those decisions will always exist whether they are understood or not.
When a door closes, it’s okay to mourn. But at some point, you have to stop examining the door. You need to stop analyzing the grain and knots on the wood. You need to stop judging the splintered surface and the scattered notches and pull your hand off that cold, locked handle. You need to take a deep breath, and turn yourself around. Put your back to the door of what could have been and look, really look at what surrounds you. Be grateful for what is there, and then take a step forward. It can be difficult and scary to explore the possibilities of what can be, because the future is unknown, but nothing can be more frightening than wasting your life pawing and scratching at a door that is no longer meant to be opened. Nothing is scarier than blinding yourself in the darkness of your past when there is a possibility of light in your future.
So, with courage and hope, turn away from those closed doors, leave the ghosts of the past in the past and with your whole heart, move toward the spirit of your future.
