Mark Craven's Blog

How many times have you heard that you need to get people out of your life that suck? Look around...They still there?

Statements are only cliché when they're not acted on. And there's a reason you've heard something a million times. It's not because it's simply cliché, though it can become that if it isn't acted upon, but it's because it's true.

You'll be hard-pressed to listen to any popular speakers or pastors and not hear them mention somewhere within the span of their teachings to get around the right people.

Even if you're not a Bible person, the Bible even talks about this. It's a pretty old book, been around for a bit so you have to at least agree that there are some solid truths in there if it's withstood such a long test of time. Or don't, whatever.

Anyway, in 1 Corinthians 15:33 it says, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" Proverbs 13:20 says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs also says in chapter 27 verse 17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Even Jesus had a certain clique of homies he ran with and before you think these dudes were all saints from the jump:

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss for some cash, Thomas doubted everything, they all fell asleep when Jesus faced his most trying hour before he was crucified when he asked them to stay awake with him, and they did a whole bunch of other human things that fall pretty short of saintliness. So these dudes were anything but perfect. Even though they were in the actual physical presence of Jesus.

But what this shows us is that we're not looking for perfect people but people that want to grow in a direction of purpose, service, fulfillment, and the calling they feel has been placed on their heart.

So, you're not looking for someone that's perfect or a group of someone's that are perfect because you wont find them. You're looking for people to surround yourself with that lend to your vision in supportive ways and can expand their own vision by being with you (iron sharpens iron, remember.)

One easy way to tell who you shouldn't have in your life is by sharing your dream with them. If they're anything but encouraging get the hell away from them and don't share it with them again or anyone else that has a similar response.

Believe me when I say that it's hard to dig down deep and find belief in yourself when you feel like God's given you a dream that seems entirely out of reach. But when you add some ankle weights to that by allowing toxic persons in your circle, you're dream will very likely remain unseen. You have an incredibly higher chance of failure than you do success in the company that you keep if that company sucks.

It's kind of incredible the level of disrespect we allow others to show us when we think it's love. Don't get confused here. If you're being torn down and ripped apart, called out on every fault, and find yourself the target of someone's hateful spew of baseless rhetoric... take out the trash.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that there are just some shitty people out there and if you step in that kind of shit, clean your shoes off as quick as you fucking can.

My new book ,Dads, Kiss Your Sons, is out now! It's available wherever you buy books!

"It’s a call an entire generation of fathers probably needs to hear."

,- ,Kirkus Reviews

Sometimes life kicks the dog shit out of you... but there's still hope

Life can be brutal. It can really rip you in half and just keep coming at you. Relentlessly.

You might be walking through something like you've never seen or felt before. It's trying and testing and stretching every fabric of who you are. But the way you know you're going to make it through is because you're reading this. You're still here and you're still fighting.

It very well may feel like the fight left you a long time ago but that's just not true because you're here. We don't give ourselves credit when just opening our eyes is a battle won some days--especially on days when we've been sapped of all of our energy.

I'm writing this to tell you to hold on. And when you feel like letting go, when you're at the absolute end of yourself and you find yourself letting go, that's when God is truly holding you. He wouldn't allow this if it was going to end you. He allowed it because it came to rebuild you. And to restore you.

This affliction came with reason. It came with instruction and lesson. It didn't surprise God when it showed up on your doorstep. And I can assure you, especially after having walked through such fucking flames as I've walked through--I never walked through them alone. And they never actually burned me.

We're allowed to walk through the fire but God walks with us and keeps the flames from overcoming us. There's a story in the Bible about some young men that were thrown into a furnace to be put to death for not worshipping the king. When the king ordered a soldier to look inside and report back what he saw, he said that the three men that were bound and thrown in remain alive and there appears to be a fourth man with them that looks like the Son of God. The ropes that had bound their hands were also burned off but the flames did not hurt the three young men.

When they came out of the fire, the king ordered that their God be worshipped.

These three men, like you and me, were not spared from being thrown into the fire. The fire burned away what was restraining them and they came out of the fire not only alive but as the scripture reports, without the smell of smoke.

You are in the furnace right now and the heat is being turned up. But you are not in the furnace alone and the flames are burning away, not you, but the things that were once holding you back. There's a fourth man in the flames with you and he looks like the Son of God.

My new book "Dads, Kiss Your Sons" is out now! It's available wherever you buy books!

"It’s a call an entire generation of fathers probably needs to hear."

-,Kirkus Reviews

Were you ever just hit with a really simple truth?

“You’re here for a reason”

That sounds so cliché I almost can’t stand it. But for some reason I let the meaning of those words seep into me and honestly… damn.

I’m here for a reason. That means there’s meaning in what I’m doing and what I’m supposed to do. There are hurting hearts and disillusioned minds that can find something of healing and newness by the thing I feel I’m being called to do.

But it obviously doesn’t stop there. My family and those closest to me need me for a reason. The love I share with them is for a reason if nothing more than the reality of sharing something so beautiful as sharing love with other people.

I’m here for a reason. Reason and purpose are imprints of the footsteps behind me and the footsteps ahead that are still to come.

Your breath, every breath you have taken and will ever take, is inseparable of the truth of the living purpose attached to it.

My little boy smiles at me. Purpose.

I smile at a stranger and they smile back. Purpose.

I hug a close friend and laugh with them. Purpose.

I say something or write something that alters the course of someone’s life. Purpose.

You make a new friend. Purpose.

You share an experience with someone you love and that loves you. Purpose.

You help someone that desperately needed only you to help them. Purpose.

You’re here for a reason. You’re here for a million reasons that you’ll never even realize.

My new book "Dads, Kiss Your Sons" is out now! It's available wherever you buy books!

Somewhere along the way you got lost

To reconnect with yourself means to remember who you are. Remember what you like. You did like things before you became an adult, you even liked things when you became an adult. But you've neglected those things. You've neglected the things that matter to you for so long, you hardly remember that they ever even existed.

They did exist. They still exist. And your heart still yearns for them.

The side effects of a heart left unheard are all of the things we take medicine and therapies for. Medicine and therapies are needed but this is an incomplete solution. Do those things but along with those things, stop killing your heart.

Killing your heart is done by not listening to it. Not allowing your life to be comprised of the possibilities that your heart quietly whispers to you that come into existence by only your belief in them.

I believed I could be a singer in a band, I believed we would have fans, sign autographs, make music that impacted people. I believed my heart when it told me about that dream and I got to experience the possibility that it spoke of.

I believed my heart when it told me to go to college. What a different direction it was telling me to go compared to the rockstar journey, but I listened and believed what it was saying. Even though I barely made it through High School and couldn't pass a math class to save my life, I listened to this crazy ass message my heart was sending me and inevitably found myself teaching college-level math--totally in love with helping students find their AHA moments.

I can't stress the importance enough of belief here. What your heart tells you to do will often sound like the ramblings of a lunatic--Quit your job, drive across the country, have nothing lined up, just go!

Remember, if those ramblings of lunacy sound crazy to you, imagine what other people will think. So, be mindful of who you share your plans with. It's not your heart's job to convince someone else that you should follow your dreams, and it's not your job either. That's an exhausting and defeating endeavor. There's no better way to kill a dream than enlisting the help of a nonbeliever.

Even though the things your heart is telling you seem crazy, it gives you the direction but adds with that direction a certain peace that you can't describe.Your heart giving you the direction and the peace about the direction but no one else can really understand that because you can barely understand it. You can explain the direction but definitely not the peace. So they'll never fully grasp why you need to do this thing you need to do.

Your heart is going to speak complete fucking nonsense to you. And it's so important to believe that complete fucking nonsense.

Check out my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons I Meet

You can do very little for other people, if you haven't done enough for you

It's a bit too easy to get caught up with the waves of life that take us from one thing to the next, one responsibility to the next, one requirement to the next--to the point that we feel like we have no control over our time, our schedules, or anything.

It's very easy to get lost and taken away by this but it's crucial, absolutely crucial, for us to slow down, look around at our lives, and make decisions to do the things that will serve us. Decisions that serve us look like making the decision to wake up earlier so we can go for a walk, go to the gym, write a new blog, or read a new book.

If you and I don't start taking that time that we need to do these things that serve us, we will start to resent the things and people in our lives that we love most. If you're fortunate enough to enjoy the work you do and also fortunate enough to have people in your life that you love, you will begin to resent all of that if you don't set aside this crucial time for yourself.

I love my son more than words can say, but I notice that I get more irritable when he's doing the toddler things he should be doing like standing on coffee tables or rubbing spaghetti through his hair, if I haven't taken the time early in the day to connect with myself. That's when it works best for me--around 5am. When I've gotten up early, read, had coffee, and finished some writing, I'm so much more present when I'm with him or doing anything really, because it's not sitting in my mind the things I should have done. I already did them. I showed up for myself first and in turn was able to show up for others.

Life feels a bit more calm when we take control of the very few things we have control over--like waking up earlier and reading. It seems like something small, but in time you'll start to see how much you've been able to get done while still maintaining those same responsibilities that life presents to you daily.

Especially speaking to the time that I spend with my son or anyone that I love, I want to be FULLY present for them. I don't want to be rushing through things like bath time because I let my laziness win the morning. Little ones aren't so little for so long and those moments are immeasurably precious and fleeting. Because of this, I'll do everything I can to maintain the utmost focus I can possibly give to every moment I have with my little one. And the way I'm better able to do that every day, is to first give focus to myself and my needs so that I'm capable to love more than I can when I'm distracted by what I should have done.

I never find myself wondering what else I could be doing rather than spending time with those I love, because I already did those things at 5am.

Do the things you need to do so you can do the things you need to do.

Check out my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons I Meet

Photo by Scott Evans on Unsplash

Why should you spend any time looking for and working on your strengths and gifts?

What's the payoff? Why bother?

Because living a life unfulfilled is not living a life at all.

Just walking through each day direction-less, void of aspiration, unknowing of where you might want to go leaves you as a desire-less drifter.

I don't want to be a desire-less drifter. You shouldn't either.

Without walking toward the things screaming within your heart to be seen, you'll find yourself missing a critical component of being human.

As humans, we're meant for pursuit, we're meant to dive into desire, we're meant to be more than we are if we've fallen into not living a life of purpose-filled pursuit.

When our minds feel too heavy to hold and our hearts seem to ache without reason--much of the reason lies within our indifference toward the actions that would lead us closer to our purpose.

So much depends on your heart's fulfillment.

The people around you that you love need you to be the fullest version of yourself--this helps them see that they can be the fullest version of themselves. It's a beautiful rippling effect when we live our lives intentionally and on purpose.

The direction-less drifter disappears and there appears a new man, a new woman that leads their own heart and others' hearts toward a future of hope, joy, fulfillment, and all the good things we hope to have and less of the not so good things we don't hope to have.

It's just that simple; to have a life filled with more of what you innately want and less of what you don't want, live with the intention of pursuing your heart's yearning(s).

Live with the intention of pursuing your heart's yearning(s).

You need to spend some quality time with you and your heart so you can hear what it's saying. Understand the guidance your heart is trying to express to you. You will hear it and you will feel moved to move.

The next step is to move.

It's my purpose to help you develop your gifts so you can live a more fulfilled life. Schedule a FREE coaching call with me here

Check out my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons I Meet

You start on some paths with absolute certainty that this is where you’re supposed to be.

But then you hit a few bumps, and your perspective starts shifting.

Is it shifting because the bumps have made it more challenging? Or is it shifting because the bumps were there to make you see it differently than how you saw it when you started?

There’s really no blanket answer to this question. Is it simply just hard and we’re called to persevere—or—are we being called to redirect our steps? Is the call to shift paths to one that is more fulfilling and in line with our hearts? But what if we thought that this path we’re currently on was in line with the fulfillment of our hearts? How then, can this current path be wrong?

It was never wrong.

If we’re to change paths, then this current path was meant only for clarity. Clarity to see that this isn’t the right path and that another would be better.

But what if that current path is a job you’ve worked in for 20 years... isn’t it too late to change?

Change is never easy and you don’t need me to tell you that. But when was easy ever the best route to take? Never. It’s always the twisting, turning, treacherous path that leads to dreams. It’s never a simple laid out, straight shot to the top. I really fucking wish that it was. But it’s not.

So, what do we do when we realize the path we’re on is the wrong path?

Well, first we have to determine if it’s the challenge pushing us away or a sincere calling to redirection. The easiest way to know the difference is that even though it’s challenging, we’re still enjoying it. If that’s the case, it’s simply just challenging and the call is to persevere. If it’s challenging and void of any joy or peace whatsoever... redirection is the call.

It’s important to spend some honest time with ourselves to know the difference. Otherwise, we’re just quitters. The key is not to quit when it’s challenging—the key is to quit when it’s changing you into something you don’t want to be. Especially if that something is a miserable asshole. Not the best thing to strive for and if you feel you’re achieving the daily tasks of becoming more miserable and more asshole, then that path is way wrong.

The right path will bring light—a lightness to your heart and soul. Not a heaviness as if you’re being pulled into the deepest depths of hell with every day that passes.

It really is as simple as if you feel that what you're doing every day is dragging you into Hell—do something else.

Quit the thing bringing you the most misery and live for the thing that will bring you the most joy.

It really is as simple as it sounds.

Get my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons We Meet

I was always of the mindset that if I had a kid, all of my dreams would die.

That’s a pretty bright outlook on fatherhood isn’t it?

I never wanted to become a parent until my life was in order. I’ve since learned that there are no ducks and there are no rows. Life happens whether we’re ready or we aren’t.

About this time last year in December, my girlfriend, Erin — now my wife, confirmed that I was going to be a dad. And I still had not yet made the New York Times Bestseller’s List.

So, how the hell was I going to do this?

1. You Don’t Need To Be A New York Times Bestselling Author To Be A Good Dad

This is, in fact, where my mind was when Erin told me that a baby was on the way. I fully believed that if I wasn’t to the level of success in my writing that I considered true success, then I could never be a good dad.

Since having Kai this past August, and still not becoming a New York Times Bestselling author, it turns out, apparently, that this isn’t a requirement to get lost in that little dude’s smile for countless moments throughout the day. Kai has no idea if my writing is great or if it’s trash — mostly because he doesn’t know what writing is yet. His most recent discovery was his right ear.

The thing that’s most important to Kai is his cereal and when Daddy sings to him.

In that order.

2. You Don’t Need Seven Digits In Your Bank Account To Be A Good Dad

Until I achieved financial freedom, I didn’t think I’d be a good dad. I thought that my bank account had to be bursting at the seams before I’d be able to howl like a werewolf at Halloween while my two-month-old tried to copy me and howl back. But I was wrong. And it’s actually the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

That happened without owning a private jet.

3. You Don’t Need To Be Perfect To Be A Good Dad

I seem to remember having visions of myself being “grown-up” with six-pack abs, standing at about 6'8, and essentially being Bruce Wayne — This isn’t from when I was little, this was like last year.

I could probably do the abs thing if I cut out pizza but how the hell do I make myself grow 8 inches — not to mention, where do you even find a Batsuit?

Kai is now four months old and cries if anyone other than Erin and I are holding him. So, there is something about my not perfect-ness and not Bruce Wayne-ness that this baby clings to. And I love it.

The greatest and most important thing that I have found in becoming a father is just being there. Having grown up without a father, I knew the importance of this going into it. That was at least one thought that I had right leading up to Kai’s arrival.

I knew that no matter what, and still do, I will always be there for him. Always.

Simply holding Kai and watching movies with him (like Rambo, because he doesn’t really know what’s going on), changing an endless flow of wet diapers, waking up with him at 3 a.m. and laughing at him while he’s laughing at me, and looking into that sweet little boy’s eyes while allowing a love that cannot be grasped into words wash over me entirely is exactly what it has taken to be a good dad.

None of the other things that I thought I needed have been needed to do these things for Kai.

And as for my dreams dying? I’ve never felt more motivated in my life. My purpose beats stronger and clearer every day.

It usually sounds like a wail for cereal or the sweetest laugh you can imagine.

I wrote this song for my favorite five-month old https://youtu.be/RB1zkxWr3dQGet my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons We Meet

This isn't what I thought 35 would look like.

I didn't realize that becoming a dad would be so important to me.

I didn't realize I had it within me to do all the things for my little boy that weren't done for me.

I didn't realize that wanting to give someone what I never had was actually what I'd want to do and not just some cliche saying that floats around.

I didn't realize that one little smile on my baby's face would be the only thing I ever want to pursue.

I didn't realize that my baby, Kai, would bring so much love and healing to my life.

I didn't realize that all of the pain and what felt like anti-progress of my past would transform me into the loving, caring, and present parent that I am.

I didn't realize that I had to know brokenness so that I could know fullness.

I didn't realize anything until I heard one little baby screaming in a delivery room.

This isn't what I though 35 would look like but I'm so glad that it does.

Get my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons We Meet

Kai is my proof that magic exists.

Becoming a dad was something that I always feared. I feared it for a number of reasons. One being that I never saw what a dad looked like while I was growing up. A dad was just some wispy idea of this other person in the house that my friends had. In fact, even into adulthood I find that I connect with women far easier than I do with men.

The other part of the fear was believing that I would have to stop every pursuit of every dream I have.

Pretty dismal outlook on becoming a father, huh?

Well despite my fears, Erin told me about ten months ago that I would be a dad.

In the movie, Hook, at the end, Wendy says to Peter, "So... your adventures are over."

Which is what I thought becoming a dad would mean

But Peter replies, "Oh, no. To live... To live will be an awfully big adventure."

Which is actually what becoming a dad has meant

I knew the moment I heard that baby's scream in the delivery room that my adventure was just beginning and the love that I've experienced since meeting my son is nothing short of magic.

Kai is my proof that magic exists.

And all of those fears that I thought were so real... shadows.

And the love I have with Kai... pure light that's dispelled every shadow.

Get my new book here: Blog Book vol.2: The Demons We Meet