Nancy Mramor-Kajuth's Blog

If you started by saying, I am a mother, a teacher, an IT expert, a member of a board of directors, you have found yourself at the starting point of your journey to who you really are. Certainly, you would answer the question differently now than you would have 5 or 10 or 20 years ago, and so you know a bit of what It mean to change your identity.  But who are you REALLY?

A famous psychologist said many years ago that there are three selves:

who you are, – the core of you at your spiritual level,who you think you are- the identities you have taken on during your life and the stories you tell yourself about who you are,and who you want others to think you are- how you want to be perceived.

The journey to the first self, who you are, will answer any questions you may have about your life purpose. And here is a secret… the more congruent and alike the three selves are the more you are fulfilling your purpose, being your true self and hopefully living a joyful life.

We assume roles of who we think we are sometimes by accident or happenstance; some are placed upon us by others and some are consciously chosen.  And these roles can be ones that consciously resonate with our souls,  others that we have taken on that we live out without question or ones we wish we could shed.  All of them are either here to serve our progress as souls on the earth, or to interfere with that progression, but all of our roles are here so that we can learn. 

Take for example the second self, a role of who you think you are. You may strongly identify yourself as a member of an ethnic professional, or religious group. As a young child you may have thought of yourself as a member of the 4th grade class, the soccer team, Johnny’s sister or as Mary Lou Johnson’s best friend. Now ask yourself if this role has served you and others well or if it has been a detriment to yours or others growth. Then examine whether you chose the role or if it was chosen for you.  Career choices, and religious practices are often influenced by parents or other influential adults and may or may not be true to who you really are. For example, ethnic groups and families may support you in your service toward others or may become clannish and shut others out.

At some point it’s good to sort through a list of the roles you chose, the ones that drive you and bring you joy and a second list of the ones that feel like a heavy responsibility or make you uncomfortable. The second ones are usually chosen for you or thrust upon you out of some necessity, but can still help you to grow, even if the growth is to grow out of them. Some of the roles bear no resemblance to the real you but have become a part of your personality through forced repetition. Consider that the ones that drive you and make you happy are ones that are a part of the real you, or at least the real personal you.

Over time you develop stories about who you think we are or who others tell you that you are.  It may be time to stop and ask yourself if the story is true. You may become so attached to it, that you forget to question and look at whether it is true and whether the stories serves you. You may want to look over your stories about who you think you are the way you might sort through a closet, deciding what truly gives you joy, vs. what needs to be released to be true to your real Self.

When you think of what to keep and what to release, consider the dual nature of man, the spiritual Self and the human self, the latter containing the ego.  The ego holds all of our roles and identities, your memberships and your judgments.  You will see that the ego’s stories about your identity can contain false beliefs without our even realizing it. Dogmas may become so strongly positioned that you forget that they are not the truth, only ideas or even lies about the truth of who we really are. But a healthy ego that is not insecure, chooses the life paths that bring joy and service, and sets clear boundaries to stay mentally and physically healthy. It is then that the self/ego is serving the higher Self at the core of who you truly are.

The Self, the truth of who you are, is the core and foundation before all of the beliefs about your personal identity or what you need others to believe about you, and it exists without them.  Think about that. It exists without them.  It is your spiritual inner core, the part of you that exists without any of the story. And it is the part of you that is perfect. Yes, You Are Perfect.

In asking if something is true, you might examine whether it is an assumption or false story. Your story is full of assumptions that have become solidified into beliefs, that are not true. Ester and Jerry Hicks in the Law of Attraction, explain that when you are being true to yourself, that you feel joy, energy, and compassion. The key is mindfully living in the moment and moving toward beliefs and actions that serve you and away from ones that don’t.

To live purposefully spend as much time as possible in who you truly are, enjoy it, and employ it to be of service and as a source of positive creation., As Baba Ram Das the author of Be Here Now, an early book on mindfulness would say “Love everyone (compassion, service), and do your meditation (prayer, connection with the Self), All the rest is entertainment (story).”

Join me in future blogs to journey through the self, healing what needs to be healed and supporting you with powerful practices. The journey starts with the truth that (Spiritual Self) “You Are Perfect.” 

To learn more about simple techniques that keep you living in your true self, go to https://drnancyonline.com/register/course/ to sign up for the course on 6 Essential Spiritual Tools for Busy People.

Until next time,

Dr. Nancy

The post What’s True About You appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Welcome!  I have been waiting for you to make the decision, no matter how busy you are to have a perfectly spiritual life. You have been telling me what you want, a deeper connection to spiritual guidance, peace, and wisdom.  You have reviewed tools, books, and classes to reach your goal, and still feel that something is missing. And most of all, you are too busy or caught up in all the authors and speakers to really clarify what works best. When you try to capture the essence of their messages, are you briefly inspired, but aren’t experiencing an ongoing perfectly spiritually driven life?
 
Can you let go of being overly responsible to everything but your own spirit?
If you now feel ready to give up feelings of emptiness, lack of fulfillment and stress, self-blame for not doing your spiritual practice or doing it inconsistently, and past wounds that keep you stuck and are craving solutions, then together we can integrate the 6 tools that will lead you to a perfectly spiritual life.
 
Do you want a set of spiritual tools that you can integrate into your life that will become automatic and joyful to practice, that will bring you instantly into operating from your higher self and will keep you there in the recognition of your perfection?  Would you like to feel the joy of being there? Answering your prayers involves recognizing that at a spiritual level You Are Perfect.
 
Together we will build the 6 spiritual tools that will connect you directly to your perfectly spiritual life that are yours to keep. And why should you follow me to gather these tools? Because we will make them stick, using some highly effective activities that have helped tens of thousands of people! And because my lifetime of spiritual living amid busyness and struggle led me to a path that you can take skipping over my past mistakes.
 
No one was busier and yet more dedicated to their spiritual life than I was.  At the time I was clearly receiving spiritual guidance to fulfill my purpose of spiritual teaching through workshops, and university courses, and spiritual fitness coaching at hospitals, schools and in private practice. But I was not noticing the guidance I was receiving about the toll it was taking on my health I was getting signals that I was tired, overworked and overwhelmed in my body but was ignoring them and pressing forward, something my background had made me very good at doing! The idea that I could busily overwork and fulfill my spiritual purpose at the same time was about to crash and burn.
 
I became severely ill, just as my body and intuition were telling me, would happen. Compelled to use all the tools that I had been actively teaching to heal myself, I healed more rapidly than any of my doctors could explain and had a full recovery! After my recovery, Spiritual Fitness, a guidebook for a perfectly spiritual life was written for you as an outcome of my experience.  And this course You Are Perfect is the next step in giving you what you have told me you want and deeply need.
 
Best of all, you can have your 6 essential tools simply without going about it the hard way.  The path to healing that worked for me can work for you.  Whether you simply want a more deeply focused spiritual life or healing old habits and beliefs that get in the way, You Are Perfect offers you the easy, fun, and permanent changes that will awaken your perfectly spiritual life.
 
The methods are the result of live training with some of the most inspired teachers, including Jean Houston, (Search for the Beloved) Brian Weiss, M.D, (Many Lives, Many Masters) Marianne Williamson (Return to Love), Tony Robbing (Life Force), and Carolyn Myss (Sacred Contracts) to name a few.
 
To create success with You Are Perfect sign up below:

Sign Up Here!

The post YOU ARE PERFECT: 6 Essential Spiritual Tools For Busy People appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Happy Holidays from Real Conscious Living! Enjoy these four spiritual gifts this holiday season. At this time of year especially, we remember our spiritual reasons for the season. These four video gifts are yours free to bring inspiration to your holidays and ideas for starting the new year spiritually fit!

Introduction to Spiritual Fitness as a Way of Life

Human beings have a dual and connected nature, human selves and spiritual selves. You are in a human body in the world where it is quite easy to get caught up in the drama of being human and forget your true spiritual nature (as Divine love in expression.) It’s important to restore your connection with spirit often or you may feel a bit anxious or lost. Another reason to address our spirituality, is that it is the lifeforce of our existence.  Many people seek spiritual purpose in their lives, feeling drawn to know and live the purpose of their spirit here on earth. They join or are born into spiritual communities or religious traditions that help them develop rituals and practices that bring them closer to the experience of their own divinity. But even without a physical community we are all connected through the spirit. It’s like the spiritual version of the Internet which is sometimes called the inner-net.  The depth of our spirituality can be experienced by :

Self-mastery and acceptance of the human self andPractices and rituals that bring our awareness of the spirit to a greater level of experience and understandingExperiences with spiritual awareness )people’s stories of spiritual connection) and in nature

Free video Gift to learn more:

How Does Spiritual Fitness Work?

Various types of ritual, prayer, spiritual or religious practice, meditation, and breath regulation will help you to activate your spiritual energy and create blessings in your life. 

Breathing practices still the mind and allow for activation of the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing is the integrating factor between the mind and body (as you relax the breath you relax the mind and body) and is of great assistance in many spiritual practices. Research shows that even five minutes a day of deep breathing can lower blood pressure.

To lower cortisol levels and stress to find a peaceful place within, meditation, prayer and what is currently used in education, business, health care and therapy: Mindfulness. It now has research to support that it can be helpful for pain management.  Mindfulness helps you move from thinking to doing to being. 

Free Video Gift includes Breathing Exercises and a Mindfulness Exercise.

Spiritual Fitness Practices for Inner Peace

So many people have asked me how to stop the endless chatter in their minds. You don’t end it, because it is a function of being human. There are methods for changing the brain so that you can have a life that is driven by the spirit more so than the chatter. These methods activate the reward circuits of the brain, inhibit the stress response, and increase health both physically and mentally.   One way is to recall a time when you were at peace, perhaps a religious or spiritual experience, a specific time, and recall what you saw at that time, what you heard, and felt. Fully engage with the memory for a minute and then allow a word to come to you that reminds you of this time.  The next time your mind is overactive and is not allowing the spirit to drive, recall this memory and say the word to yourself a few times.  If time permits you can go back to the memory and sit with it for a while. The more often you do this exercise the stronger the association it will have with peace.

Free Video Gift for more information:

Finding Spiritual Fitness in Nature

Many people say that they had an experience in nature that made them aware that they were a part of something bigger and felt at one with everything.  For those, it was a life-changing experience.  Others can connect spiritually to nature by standing on the earth barefoot and feeling the energy from your feet connecting to the earth like the roots of a tree.  Some of the earliest spiritual practices on earth came from Indigenous people who used rituals to connect to the universal spirit through the earth, wind, water and sun.

Recently, some structured activities have been designed to help people connect through nature.  Gazing silently at the night sky gives a sense of the larger universe and gets you outside of yourself.  Mother Teresa said that  “God, … cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence …”

Free Video Gift offers information on how to connect to your spirit through nature!

Everyone at Transformedia wishes you a most spiritual and happy holiday. Join us in the new year for much more on Real Conscious Spiritual Living!

Dr. Nancy

The post Four Free Inspirational Gifts from Real Conscious Living appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Happy Holidays from Real Conscious Living!  Enjoy these four spiritual gifts of the holiday season.  At this time of year especially, we remember our spiritual reasons for the season.  These four video gifts are yours free to inspire your holidays and bring ideas for starting the new year spiritually fit!

Introduction to Spiritual Fitness as a Way of Life

Human beings have a dual and connected nature, human selves and spiritual selves. You are in a human body in the world where it is quite easy to get caught up in the drama of being human and forget your true spiritual nature (as Divine love in expression.) It’s important to restore your connection with spirit often or you may feel a bit anxious or lost. Another reason to address our spirituality, is that it is the lifeforce of our existence.  Many people seek spiritual purpose in their lives, feeling drawn to know and live the purpose of their spirit here on earth. They join or are born into spiritual communities or religious traditions that help them develop rituals and practices that bring them closer to the experience of their own divinity. But even without a physical community we are all connected through the spirit. It’s like the spiritual version of the Internet which is sometimes called the inner-net.  The depth of our spirituality can be experienced by :

Self-mastery and acceptance of the human self andPractices and rituals that bring our awareness of the spirit to a greater level of experience and understandingExperiences with spiritual awareness )people’s stories of spiritual connection) and in nature

Free video Gift to learn more:

How Does Spiritual Fitness Work?

Various types of ritual, prayer, spiritual or religious practice, meditation, and breath regulation will help you to activate your spiritual energy and create blessings in your life. 

Breathing practices still the mind and allow for activation of the parasympathetic nervous system. Breathing is the integrating factor between the mind and body (as you relax the breath you relax the mind and body) and is of great assistance in many spiritual practices. Research shows that even five minutes a day of deep breathing can lower blood pressure.

To lower cortisol levels and stress to find a peaceful place within, meditation, prayer and what is currently used in education, business, health care and therapy: Mindfulness. It now has research to support that it can be helpful for pain management.  Mindfulness helps you move from thinking to doing to being. 

Free Video Gift includes Breathing Exercises and a Mindfulness Exercise.

Spiritual Fitness Practices for Inner Peace

So many people have asked me how to stop the endless chatter in their minds. You don’t end it, because it is a function of being human. There are methods for changing the brain so that you can have a life that is driven by the spirit more so than the chatter. These methods activate the reward circuits of the brain, inhibit the stress response, and increase health both physically and mentally.   One way is to recall a time when you were at peace, perhaps a religious or spiritual experience, a specific time, and recall what you saw at that time, what you heard, and felt. Fully engage with the memory for a minute and then allow a word to come to you that reminds you of this time.  The next time your mind is overactive and is not allowing the spirit to drive, recall this memory and say the word to yourself a few times.  If time permits you can go back to the memory and sit with it for a while. The more often you do this exercise the stronger the association it will have with peace.

Free Video Gift for more information:

Finding Spiritual Fitness in Nature

Many people say that they had an experience in nature that made them aware that they were a part of something bigger and felt at one with everything.  For those, it was a life-changing experience.  Others can connect spiritually to nature by standing on the earth barefoot and feeling the energy from your feet connecting to the earth like the roots of a tree.  Some of the earliest spiritual practices on earth came from Indigenous people who used rituals to connect to the universal spirit through the earth, wind, water and sun.

Recently, some structured activities have been designed to help people connect through nature.  Gazing silently at the night sky gives a sense of the larger universe and gets you outside of yourself.  Mother Teresa said that  “God, … cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence …”

Free Video Gift offers information on how to connect to your spirit through nature!

Everyone at Transformedia wishes you a most spiritual and happy holiday. Join us in the new year for much more on Real Conscious Spiritual Living!

Dr. Nancy

The post Happy Holidays from Real Conscious Living! appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Did you ever think that you were perfect? At the spiritual level you already are perfect. It’s just your human side that sees your perceived flaws that painfully strive for perfection. What if it was just a matter of a shift that you could make right now that would free you from striving and put you right in the middle of your perfection?

I understand that right now is an important time to make this shift as you are busy and don’t have time to do, read, practice, or take on another thing in your life. Have been searching for that just right thing to live a more purposeful and spiritual life didn’t have the time to practice what you know or try something new? If you answered “Yes,” to this question then living in your perfection will be just right you! Congratulations!!! You are ready to allow your life to be easily purposeful and meaningful.

In the next weeks, I will be bringing my lifetime of experience as a psychologist and spiritual teacher to you to help you easily find yourself living in an open space to begin each day purposefully and joyfully with MINIMUM EFFORT and stress. As an example of the ease of the many processes and that can bring you to awareness of the perfect state, here’s one that we will use as we build on the process of ease. To begin, try this one short exercise.

Think of a time, one time, when you felt effortlessly happy, a time when perhaps you saw something that made you smile, did something for someone else or you were celebrating something important. It might be a time when someone said something to you that made you feel happy or a time when you were in nature or in meditative solitude. I wonder if you can remember that time of happiness now. What do you remember about it? Where in your body do you feel the happiness? What do you see when you think of it? Maybe you can even remember what you heard at that time, especially what you were telling yourself about the memory. Perhaps it would be easy for you to allow a word that connects with this memory to come to you now. SNAP! There it is, saved safely for you to come back to whenever you want to live in a happy state of mind. Simply repeat the word and bring yourself back into the memory. You can use my words above to help you to recall the memory fully and immerse yourself in happiness, mind body and spirit!

This is just an example of what is to come as you consciously discover that you are perfect. We will peel away anything in your human self that gets in the way, while acknowledging and embracing what brings you to your purposeful, spiritual happy life.

I think you’re going to love this! Please join me on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Instagram to get the latest updates and invite your friends to personally connect with their perfection through our upcoming newsletters at here.

The post You Are Perfect ™ Real Conscious Living appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Dr. Nancy’s interview with KNSET radio in Los Angeles on all things related to media

THERE IS A NEW CHALLENGE WITH ALL MEDIA

There is a new challenge for us and our families as a result of the Internet, the expansion of television, YouTube, apps, and social media. Of course, this is both good and bad.  It offers more opportunities for connection and education but also some potentially negative outcomes.

 All of these forms of media expand and change continually, and it is not possible to determine the effects of any of these expansions without research. While it’s not possible to research the effects of every new TV channel or app, the global practice of conscious viewing will be a great navigating tool.

1. What is the intention or message of the media? For example, in Normal Lear’s work, All in the Family, Maude, and The Jeffersons, the message was progressive and matched movements in the culture in terms of race, gender, and family structure. Decide if you want to accept the message or not and whether it is good for you. 

2. Am I buying into the message or just window shopping? It is easy to continue to view and take in ideas due to inertia, the habit of continuing to watch what you are watching.  It applies to Internet surfing, binge-watching, and social media.  When you are viewing from inertia, you are much more likely to take in the message.  When you are viewing from a distance, you can consciously decide whether to take in the message.

3. How do I view consciously, from a mindful distance?  Ask yourself how you are feeling in your heart, your gut, and your mind as you view. Ask if what you are viewing is having a positive or a negative effect on you.  For example, when you notice that you are enmeshed in a scary movie, news story, or drama, step back and view from a distance.  You can thoroughly enjoy a show or movie without becoming overly emotionally involved in a non-productive way.  Once you are overly involved you are likely to associate with the characters and become too interested in their outcomes.  You are then at risk for emotional responses to fictional worlds.  You can even develop parasocial relationships in which you feel like the characters are family or friends because you have been inviting them into your home on a regular basis.  You can feel bad when something unfortunate happens to your favorite character or even worse when your favorite show goes off of the air. 

4. Ask if what I am viewing is having a positive or negative effect on me. If you are overly involved or can’t stop using an app or viewing a show, and the rest of your life and work are suffering, you may be experiencing symptoms of media addiction, which is not a clinically approved diagnosis, but the symptoms are the same. Eye strain, lethargy, and weight gain occur when too much of life is spent on media. The only identified media addictions are gaming addiction and Internet gambling addiction.  Remain involved only to the level that you are still in charge of you feel and what media you choose. Such choices may lead to the selection of more positive programming.  A six-week study showed that repeated “exposure to online videos that display acts of human kindness increased viewers’ positive emotions, which in turn fostered their willingness to act in a way that benefits others.” Such choices can foster a positive mood, social change, and a positive future.

In response to the new challenge, I wrote Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, a book that explains the benefits and pitfalls of media use and offers guidelines for conscious viewing.

CONSCIOUS VIEWING GUIDELINES

Get curious and observe the effects of what you are watching on youDecide what messages and feelings are good for youNotice effects in the body, mind, and heartDetect negative thought patterns that are the result of media and stop feeding themView mindfully without the intense involvement of viewing inertia

Special items for consideration with social media

· Children are susceptible to PSMU, Problematic Social Media Use, a term from a World Health Organization that studied children in 43 countries,  Adolescents in particular who are economically disadvantaged are more likely to use social media in a more dependent way affecting their well-being. They estimate that over 210 million people worldwide are addicted to social media, and indicate that greater life satisfaction is associated with less addiction to the Internet. They recommend early intervention in schools in addition to parental involvement. Low levels of family and peer support were associated with ”Internet addiction.”  Also, the term is not an official diagnosis, it describes the characteristics of  PMSU

· Your state when you enter social media will either be enhanced or negatively impacted.  For example, if you have low self-esteem and don’t get the response you want on social media, you are more likely to be negatively impacted. If you are depressed and go to social media to feel better there is a risk that you may feel worse. 

· The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) which drives teens to continually search their media causes sleeplessness, insecurity, and distraction. A strong sense of self-esteem and parental involvement mediate these effects.

· And the importance of media can be reduced by having family time where no electronic devices are used for a specific period of time daily or on a certain day of the week.

· Note whether characters on media sites such as Tik Tok are real or fictional before becoming involved

· Metrics show how much interaction posts are receiving, causing a sense of self-judgment and comparison about social media involvement.

· Parental involvement and overseeing what sites your kids are using is an important factor in keeping them safe.

· Note signs that something is wrong – If you notice a change in your child’s behavior, they may be the victim of cyberbullying or being left out.  Have age-appropriate conversations to help kids distinguish real vs. fake content. Take advantage of parental controls.

Specific Groups’ Tips and Information

Girls are socialized to believe that their worth is in their appearance and these beliefs make them more susceptible to social media effects and mental health issues. Platforms are aware of this influence.

·  SM sites offer girls the chance to “flaunt it” especially if they have the more “Barbie-type” sex goddess as an ideal, which can lead to early sexual activity. Early exposure to sexualized media is clearly connected with earlier sexual activity. Ideally, girls should become sexually active after careful consideration, when they feel comfortable and when their activity matches their values.

· Boys are exposed to images of muscular males with an invitation to join the posts.  When male viewers buy into the images and become extreme in their workouts and dietary plans, eating disorders can result.

· Horror shows & vampire shows often misrepresent that violence is sexy

· They are already under pressure developmentally with body image, which can affect girls who want to maintain a societal standard, leading to eating disorders and too much exercise. This is also true of boys. Transgender kids or those who don’t identify with their birth gender are even more impacted by social media.  

· It is difficult to tell what is real, due to apps that can change body presentation to one of perfection.  Events and vacations are also portrayed as better than they really are.

· An imaginary or real audience is perceived to be continually watching and judging you.  Social media can transform the imaginary audience into a real one.

· Black women are more likely to use social media than other groups to connect with peers and their culture, which may be counter-productive due to the exaggerated ideals that they see. They choose YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram most frequently.

While viewers frequently feel lonelier after social media use, they feel less lonely after viewing Instagram.  Research is examining the reasons for this difference. Sexual victimization online was the only type that negatively impacted body image.

Minimizing harm

· Parental involvement Is the most important factor.  Talk to kids about the images they see and the apps they use. Stay interested. Talk to them about it and listen to see if you need to regulate their media, especially for younger kids.

· Understand that there are a lot of good reasons to participate in social media. There are complex discussions that can be mind-expanding, special interest groups, and connections with friends. It becomes harmful when it is used to gain self-worth.

·  No technology going to bed. It interrupts sleep and can be upsetting.  Younger kids can use a smartphone with no apps or only with parental approval.

· Keep them busy. They need sleep-focused study, exercise, chores at home, family interaction, and community interactions.

· Beware of algorithms. They can grab your info and send things you don’t want.

· Avoid Fostering “That Girl” Image – The perfectly put-together girl that many girls seek to become but is unrealistic.

·  Start early. It’s still true that you should do what you want your kids to do, and not just tell them what to do. Be a good role model in terms of how much you use social media and all media, how well you listen when they need you vs. continuing on screens

Ways to apply conscious viewing to various forms of media

· News and Politics – Fact check, Fact check, Fact check.  Avoid disinformation sites or getting news through social media.  Avoid doom scrolling, which is viewing bad news on several sites.

· Science Fiction – There has been a large uptake in shows about vampires, dark forces, and frightening planetary possibilities. View only what makes you feel better afterward unless you can view consciously and mindfully, noting the effects of what you are watching in your body, mind, and emotions so that you can choose whether to continue or not.

· Drama – Those with less drama in their lives tend toward greater involvement with movies and TV that are dramatic for vicarious living.  Remain conscious.   When Breaking Bad went off the air, I was consulted about how viewers could recover from the loss. Clearly, these viewers were overly involved.  Studies show that viewers who watch too many crime shows have a greatly exaggerated idea of the amount of crime in the world.  They may become reclusive as they fear for their safety. The draw is an emotional roller coaster that is satisfying to the viewer. When asked why people so love Hallmark movies, I explained that the roller coaster highs and lows are not too deep and are predictable, making them a feel-good choice.

· Relationships – The typical media journey through love generally involves conflict and pain before the object of desire is attained.  Be careful not to believe that love and friendship have to be as complex as a hero’s journey (mission, obstacles, helpful friends, final conflict, attainment of desire – Think Wizard of Oz).

The post REAL CONSCIOUS MEDIA appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

https://www.pittsburghmagazine.com/did-you-see-what-they-posted-on-nextdoor 

When some of my contributors, Jen Antkowiak, Deborah Barr, Bonnie Budzowski, Paula Franetti, Gina Mazza and Janet McKee wrote sections with me for a project on The Top Ten Tips for Lasting Happiness, we focused on the types of happiness that are unlikely to change over time. Jen’s chapter was related to the #1 reason for happiness reported by the most people: social connections. It was then and is now on the top of the list. The other key elements in the top ten list were food, exercise, how friends can cause happiness, and laughter. Additional elements included gratitude and flow.

Happiness was and continues to be the subject of a great deal of study. When Kellie Gormley interviewed me recently for Pittsburgh Magazine she wanted to know about the pros and cons of a new social network site called NextDoor. It’s an online site where you can sign up to connect to people in your geographical area to talk about area news. It’s no surprise that this type of program was developed because we are still looking for positive and supportive ways to connect to people with whom we have something in common. In addition, it’s practical because you can find local contractors, pet sitters, snow shovelers, Chinese food delivery and lost pets!

NextDoor is like a neighborhood Facebook with a grassroots element that brings people together. It can’t take the place of human interaction, but during COVID it was a lifeline for people. As with most human connections, whether they are in person or on social media, there are supportive ways to use the site as well as ways to blow off steam.  At times the pandemic caused anger and frustration and they were sometimes expressed in ways that resulted in their posts being taken down. The site is monitored to keep a supportive community of local people together and to keep everyone safe.

What I noticed the most on NextDoor was universal to what I saw on Yelp reviews, social networking, Better Business Bureau reviews on local businesses and experiences with local restaurants. The most important factor in the review was the way they were treated, before even addressing the product or service.  In some cases, the service was not even mentioned because the customer was raving about the kindness and consideration they were given.

And it’s worth the effort. Research shows that those with social connections are healthier and live longer. The happiness and support that these connections bring has benefits that reach further than just having fun or having someone to confide in. There is a positive biological change in those who are socially connected. When two people are together and their vital signs are measured in a laboratory, there are measurable changes in immune function, cardiovascular levels, sleep rhythms and hormone levels. So, consider who you give your energy to if time with them leaves you feeling depleted.

But do one thing today to connect to someone and show them some kindness and support.  Or consider doing something daily to show support through the OneEmail Campaign.  The benefit will have a ripple effect that will make not only your friend happier, but everyone around them.

For more information about how this works, check out:

What if the next email you send could change your life?
https://drnancyonline.com/one-email/

What is the butterfly effect and how does it work? How being kind to one person affects everyone they know.
https://drnancyonline.com/what-is-the-butterfly-effect-and-how-does-it-work/

And since Covid is not yet over here are 19 tips for selfcare and care of others:
Be Happy Now
https://drnancyonline.com/ways-to-be-happy-now/

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Dr. Nancy Mramor

Research shows that giving can create amazing effects on the body and mind.  And now we know of a way to boost those benefits in 2022! When you give a gift, you typically get a verbal, electronic, or written acknowledgment and thanks.  You often feel elated briefly, knowing that your gift or donation made a difference. But what if giving or doing a good deed anonymously can improve your mood, have long-term effects on life satisfaction, and stimulate brain activity associated with pleasure and reward? When giving our brain releases chemicals like serotonin and dopamine, giving you a sense of reward. A reduction in stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure and better sleep are also associated with the part of the brain that is stimulated with giving. And when these chemicals are released, depression is lessened.

So what if giving privately giving reaps more benefits than personal giving?  And is this true for everyone?  It’s especially true for those with “high-moral identity,” according to the International Journal of Research and Marketing.    Those who strongly identify with their moral values found the greatest benefit from anonymous giving. Does that mean that everyone else does not get the same benefit?  It may mean that when we behave in accordance with what matters most to us in the interpersonal domain that we experience the greatest sense of reward. If you are ready to think about giving for health and happiness, consider the following forms:

Ways to Give to Make A Difference

1. Give money personally or charitably. Exercise your inner philanthropist and give to a charity whose cause truly matters to you.

2. Mentor and give of your expertise. Share your personal and collective wisdom with those who are less informed and experienced. Run an online book group or special interest group.

3. Volunteer to give of your energy. Volunteer opportunities can be local or virtual.  Information is available at CharityVest.org.

4. Give in ways that express yourself creatively. Opportunities for self-expression increase generosity, and make you feel better.  You aren’t just giving something of monetary value but instead are giving a part of yourself.

5. Give in ways that express your most important values reinforcing who you are and reminding yourself of what matters most.

6. Give anonymously for the greatest health and happiness benefit and…

7. Give of Affection and appreciation as a lasting way to give. I have found that in 2021, reviews of businesses were based first on how the business made reviewers feel and secondarily on the quality of the service.  Whether it was a plumber, restaurant or online assistant, the comments that were made primarily included whether the business was kind and considerate of their needs.  Whether the food was delicious, or the furnace was fixed came last.

Making someone feel important and loved leaves a lasting impression.  Tell someone you care, call a friend for no reason, and give everyone you meet your best self.

For more information go to:
https://www.besteveryou.com/post/61d2063625c3c20016da8dad/
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/12/giving-to-charity-anonymously-happiness/621111/
https://www.charityvest.org/blog/giving-is-good-for-your-health

The post WHY GIVING IS SO GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS appeared first on Real Conscious Living.

Originally from Dr. Nancy’s Interview with Voice of America

People tell me they enjoy using a social media app called Tik Tok.  But recently they have been taken in by false personalities who don’t represent the actual person.  And it’s not carefully marked as to which posters are real and which are fictional. You can get taken in by a false personality, engage with them and believe that you have a relationship with them, called a “parasocial” relationship.  It happens when the character feels like a personal friend.

It’s very similar to the ways that TV influences you.  The characters on reality shows such as The Bachelorette, the Real Housewives shows, or even TV soaps. become relevant to you.  It can happen with any reality or fictional series. The issue is that when you invite the characters into your life and living rooms, you become attached. They become familiar and are like family so you want to know what will happen to them next. It’s even more true with Tik Toc because the characters are easily accessible and because Tik Tok can be interactive. The relationship becomes “parasocial”

There are risks of becoming overly attached occur with the following outcomes:

The character leaves Tik Tok or you find out they are fake. Research shows that people grieve when their favorite character is removed from media.

You spend too much time on fictional characters and not enough time on your own life. The characters and plots become like interactive soaps and can seem to be more interesting than real life.

 And there are contests and requests to send in your video to see whose is the best and that one gets to be on TV. Contests create content so it’s a great marketing strategy, but it further engages you.

Many of the same rules that apply to all social media apply to Tik Tok due to the problematic outcomes of too much use.

Research shows that in cases where self-esteem in not strong, that it becomes worse on social media due to comparing and coming up short. Many teens report feeling worse after going on their social media.

There is lack of sleep because the posts are always available on social media.  FOMO or “fear of missing out” causes hypervigilance to media posts.

When using social media for news, you can begin doom scrolling, that’s scrolling through news story after news story and either becoming depressed or being misinformed if the news is fake.

What to do to safely and happily use all social media:

Be sure to note whether the character is real or fictional. It’s exploitative not to clearly identify whether characters are real.

The more you engage, the more susceptible you are to over-involvement.  And if the posts are not made in a predictable fashion, with posts on some days and not others, they become addictive.  You don’t know when the post will be there, but you know that it will be there at some time and that it will be good, so you constantly scroll.

For news, get it from just a few reliable sources – daily newspaper headlines or news channels direct feeds rather than on Facebook.

Definitely restrict social media use and in an extreme case, if you find yourself addicted, cut media out completely so a while

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From Dr.Nancy’s interview with Healthline

Researchers say that when people constantly read news that they are “doomscrolling.” When you see too much bad news you can have more fear and anxiety. It can occupy too much of your day and keep you up late at night.  And it only serves to make you worried and sad.

This is especially true since Covid-19.  You want to know all you can to keep safe. So, you may go through every newsfeed and sometimes get misinformation. It’s not a good idea and can make you anxious to focus so much on the Covid. Once you have heard the recommended precautions and have good guidelines, it’s better to focus on more positive activities.

We know that when you’re around anyone who is depressed or talking about heavy things, your ‘affect’ drops, whether it’s in person or online. That’s just the natural effect on our nervous and emotional systems.

Researchers in the UK and Canada found that even 2-4 minutes of doomscrolling about Covid-19 on Twitter or YouTube experienced “immediate and significant” reductions in optimism and positive mood.

Doomscrolling also takes a physical toll. It’s tiresome for the mind and the body to process the stress and anxiety generated by doomscrolling. It results in fatigue by wearing out the nervous system.

Research shared in Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life, revealed that people who watch too many crime shows tend to have a sense of “mean world’ syndrome in which they overestimate the amount of crime which reduces their feelings of safety. They become more hypervigilant, so they watch more news to find out what’s going on. The cycle repeats itself.

But when the news is Covid related, it’s disheartening in terms of the number of cases and deaths. You can feel helpless. because you don’t have a sense that you can fix it or do anything about it.

But the more you expose yourself to negativity, the more feeling badly becomes a way of being. You get used to feeling badly and expect to feel that way rather than feeling positive and uplifted. There are so many studies that support this. Whatever you expose yourself to is what influences your life.

You probably don’t need a period of going cold turkey, unless you’re really heavily doomscrolling. Typically, you can cut down the amount of news, make it more concise, and make sure it’s coming from sources that are accurate. Then remember to check your phone only at specific times and not all of the time, subscribe to some valid news outlets for daily news, and then let it go. 

Be conscious of the amount of time you spend reading news and monitor yourself before you start feeling badly.  Do something other than doomscrolling. Read positive and uplifting information. Live consciously and you will find that you are much more in tune with the amount of news that is good for you as an individual. 

For more on how to safely navigate media see the award-winning book, Get Reel: Produce Your Own Life. https://drnancyonline.com/product/get-reel-produce-life/

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