Rukhsana Khan's Blog

Whenever I’m super busy writing I do little to no blogging. I just can’t. I think the well only holds so much creativity and between family obligations (of which there are MANY!) and just basic work, I haven’t had time.

Who could have foretold this pandemic would have such an impact on our lives?

And who could have imagined that I could emerge through this difficulty in tact.

Certainly not me.

Whenever there’s been hard times, I and my family have struggled and yet this time nope.

We’re okay, alhamdu lillah. More than okay. And it makes me feel a bit guilty.

And as a result I give a little more in charity.

There are a lot of people suffering.

And while I have little sympathy for the unvaccinated that end up in ICU’s I do pity those who are struggling to put food on the table.

It’s time to tighten our belts and lend a helping hand.

Wouldn’t we want others to help us if we were in need?

God tests us in many ways.

Step up to the occasion.

And that might be a good thing!

I’ve been on the roster of an arts organization that promotes artist presentations in the schools for probably about ten years.

I’ve visited thousands of schools, in person, as a result of it.

In fact when I first started out I was doing about a hundred school visits every year.

That’s a LOT of schools!

Gradually the numbers declined and other arts organizations began getting the funding.

All artists and arts organizations have to keep developing themselves or they risk getting stagnant. That means trying new things outside your comfort zone.

Way back in 2013 when I was touring Alaska as their featured artist, I did some presentations at a school in Barrow. My presentation was ‘skyped’ out to remote schools who’d been participating in the program. The students had read WANTING MOR and they participated, remotely, in my session, asking questions.

It was the first time I’d ever been broadcast to a remote school and I thought it was a fantastic idea.

I love the Arctic! I love remote communities. As a kid I was weird and always wanted to run away and become a bush pilot in the tundra.

Blame it on reading Jack London’s CALL OF THE WILD and Farley Mowat’s LOST IN THE BARRENS.

Being able to commune with kids who lived in these remote regions was so cool to me! And I thought why don’t more arts organizations take advantage of the technology these days. We don’t need to incur the incredible expense of getting artists out to these remote areas. We have technology!

The pandemic has resulted in all kinds of suffering…but it may finally have opened up hearts and minds to remote presentations!!!

I can’t imagine it ever being the same. The world will change. We have been forced to get accustomed to virtual presentations and I can’t see that changing. And that’s a good thing.

Anything that gets the arts to vulnerable communities…is a good thing!

And now, a year later, I am as busy with school presentations as I was before the pandemic.

I’m back to trying to carve out time to write.

God is good and I feel blessed.

When you can thrive in the hardest of times, then the easy times are all the easier.

I don’t wish the pandemic on anyone. It has been a great trial for us all, but with the bad can come some good.

We’ve all got to hope. And with the vaccines coming, I’m very hopeful!

Sorry I’ve been away, been moving my elderly parents into their new condo nearby.

I’ve entered a new phase of life, I’ve heard it called the sandwich phase, where a person is sandwiched between the responsibilities to your children and to your elderly parents.

It’s not easy taking care of so many people.

Many times I feel like the mat of a trampoline, with springs stretching me towards all the people in my social circle.

And add to that trying to write regularly AND not neglect a blog.

One of my relatives was talking about an elderly uncle of his who’d become so diminished by Alzheimers and being bed-ridden that he didn’t even comprehend his existence. He just lay there, waiting for the nurse on attendance to attend him and my relative wondered, why do we have to live that long?

On more than one occasion he’s jokingly stated that someone should shoot him before he gets to that state.

He out and out asked me why God would allow such a thing?

The best answer I could come up with, is that this situation becomes a test on their family members to see if they’ll step up and take care of the person.

I’ve always hesitated questioning God’s purpose. I feel as though each one of us an infinitesimal speck in the vast order of the universe subject to the plan of a being with access to ALL knowledge, not just the piddly little slice of it that we can comprehend. I’ve always believed there’s a reason for everything, even when we can’t see it.

But now, I wonder, if this whole idea of being independent and a useful contributor to society isn’t fraught with its own sense of arrogance.

If we hope to die before we reach the stage where we will be dependent on others it means that we look down on such dependence. We pride ourselves in our being independent. But in fact, are we really?

Everyday we depend on the grace and mercy of God, so this feeling of independence is illusory at best.

I think of my own parents who were so fiercely independent, and now the way my father looks at me when I cut his nails or trim his beard or put his shoes on with their velcro closures and it make me think of all the times he must have done that for me when I was too young to do it myself.

It makes me feel humble.

It makes me feel grateful.

And it makes me feel tender towards them both.

And it makes me sad to think of how many elderly parents are abused by their grown up children who remember every slight or every grudge they might have against them.

In the Quran God talks about the stages of life, how we start out helpless and we reach full strength and how some of return to helplessness in our old age and I do think there are lessons to be learned from it.

In the midst of my writing career I have to take time to ensure the ones who nurtured me when I was helpless, are taken care of, and there’s a great lesson in that.

It kind of puts the whole career thing into perspective.

What is more important?

If everyone just took care of their responsibilities, our whole societies would be a LOT better off!

There’d be no homelessness, there’d be no poverty.

Because every homeless poor person is in fact connected to other people in some way or form.

And we should all be looking out for one another.

In some ways in fact, taking care of the elderly has given me renewed focus on my writing. I have some good news to share…but not yet. Soon insha Allah.

Soon.

I’m probably not the only person who thinks the world will never be the same.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to change the way people do things, to force them out of their comfort zone and into a new normal and I do believe we’re in that type of period of history.

With the pandemic and social distancing norms, a lot of my presentations, no actually all my current presentations have become online.

I feel mixed about this.

In one way it’s great! No commute! I live in Toronto, famous for traffic gridlock and I’d literally get anxiety wondering what time I had to leave in the morning to get to my presentations on time!

Now the commute is down to my ‘studio’ in my basement, at my desktop.

And now I suffer a different anxiety. Will I ‘connect’ with my audience properly? Will I be energetic enough to keep their attention? Will the security system voice interrupt the presentation with its haphazard declaration of “System boot completed!” Oh it’s happened!!! And it’s mortifying!

I think my deepest fear is thinking that the organizers who invited me and are paying me good money will say to each other afterwards, “Well that so wasn’t worth it!”

But at the same time, I can’t help thinking of all the untold opportunities available!

When I was touring Alaska, presenting to students in Barrow, there were some remote communities accessing the presentation through technology. It wasn’t as sophisticated as it’s now become but they were seeing me, and hearing me, and they had excellent questions.

Alaska and many parts of northern Canada have such tiny remote villages that it doesn’t make sense to fly in. So as a result they often miss out on opportunities for enrichment. But really, now, with the availability of pretty good quality online presentations, there’s no reason why we can’t go live!!!

The possibilities are endless.

And yet I’m at the age where figuring out new technology is definitely a steep learning curve.

I’m going to give myself the same advice I gave my soon to be fourteen year old granddaughter when I was tutoring her in algebra.

When it comes to learning new stuff, first and foremost, relax. People tend to tighten up when confronted with the unknown. Don’t! Just relax and let the new information wash over you, like a wave, at first.

Then slowly, with a positive attitude, familiarize yourself with the new terminology and what the technology is asking you to do.

It will come, insha Allah. Just don’t panic.

I’m probably not the only person who thinks the world will never be the same.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to change the way people do things, to force them out of their comfort zone and into a new normal and I do believe we’re in that type of period of history.

With the pandemic and social distancing norms, a lot of my presentations, no actually all my current presentations have become online.

I feel mixed about this.

In one way it’s great! No commute! I live in Toronto, famous for traffic gridlock and I’d literally get anxiety wondering what time I had to leave in the morning to get to my presentations on time!

Now the commute is down to my ‘studio’ in my basement, at my desktop.

And now I suffer a different anxiety. Will I ‘connect’ with my audience properly? Will I be energetic enough to keep their attention? Will the security system voice interrupt the presentation with its haphazard declaration of “System boot completed!” Oh it’s happened!!! And it’s mortifying!

I think my deepest fear is thinking that the organizers who invited me and are paying me good money will say to each other afterwards, “Well that so wasn’t worth it!”

But at the same time, I can’t help thinking of all the untold opportunities available!

When I was touring Alaska, presenting to students in Barrow, there were some remote communities accessing the presentation through technology. It wasn’t as sophisticated as it’s now become but they were seeing me, and hearing me, and they had excellent questions.

Alaska and many parts of northern Canada have such tiny remote villages that it doesn’t make sense to fly in. So as a result they often miss out on opportunities for enrichment. But really, now, with the availability of pretty good quality online presentations, there’s no reason why we can’t go live!!!

The possibilities are endless.

And yet I’m at the age where figuring out new technology is definitely a steep learning curve.

I’m going to give myself the same advice I gave my soon to be fourteen year old granddaughter when I was tutoring her in algebra.

When it comes to learning new stuff, first and foremost, relax. People tend to tighten up when confronted with the unknown. Don’t! Just relax and let the new information wash over you, like a wave, at first.

Then slowly, with a positive attitude, familiarize yourself with the new terminology and what the technology is asking you to do.

It will come, insha Allah. Just don’t panic.

I wonder if I don’t have survivor’s guilt.

I see the pandemic devastating so many authors and artists and other people and I just thank God that there’s a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

It’s made me donate to charities a lot more. Yemen, Syria, the disasters there have only gotten worse.

Closer to home, I was booked to do an online interview for a $100. Was hardly worth the paperwork so I asked them to donate it to a Muslim women’s shelter in Baltimore. It houses victims of domestic violence.

I do believe that privation and abundance are both tests from God. Privation tests your patience, and abundance tests your generosity.

I’ve been working steadily on a historical novel that is proving to be a gigantic project.

I never realized it would take me this long–five years and counting!

Right now I’ve got my head stuck in 1824, reading a biography of John Quincy Adams, what a fascinating guy!

And in reading what happened to him I keep thinking of that French idiom plus sa change plus c’est la meme chose.

There are so many lessons to be learned!

Got the good news that I’ll be able to see this project to fruition insha Allah. It feels so good to know that the next few months are covered and I can work pretty much uninterrupted without worrying too much about finances.

And for that I am extremely grateful!

Not many people get paid to write what they love!

Hang in there! The pandemic will not last forever.

This too shall pass. That is guarranteed.

I wonder if I don’t have survivor’s guilt.

I see the pandemic devastating so many authors and artists and other people and I just thank God that there’s a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

It’s made me donate to charities a lot more. Yemen, Syria, the disasters there have only gotten worse.

Closer to home, I was booked to do an online interview for a $100. Was hardly worth the paperwork so I asked them to donate it to a Muslim women’s shelter in Baltimore. It houses victims of domestic violence.

I do believe that privation and abundance are both tests from God. Privation tests your patience, and abundance tests your generosity.

I’ve been working steadily on a historical novel that is proving to be a gigantic project.

I never realized it would take me this long–five years and counting!

Right now I’ve got my head stuck in 1824, reading a biography of John Quincy Adams, what a fascinating guy!

And in reading what happened to him I keep thinking of that French idiom plus sa change plus c’est la meme chose.

There are so many lessons to be learned!

Got the good news that I’ll be able to see this project to fruition insha Allah. It feels so good to know that the next few months are covered and I can work pretty much uninterrupted without worrying too much about finances.

And for that I am extremely grateful!

Not many people get paid to write what they love!

Hang in there! The pandemic will not last forever.

This too shall pass. That is guarranteed.

When I first started out writing, I really thought that you could write ANY story as long as it was logical and made sense.

I didn’t understand the idea of mainstream talking points.

At any one period of time the zeitgeist has a certain agenda. The vast majority of people–the mainstream believe certain things as gospel and you argue against it at your own risk.

And this zeitgeist is like a pendulum, it swings back and forth, from left to right and back again, very seldom does it settle in the reasonable middle.

It used to surprise me.

You’d talk about blatant racism or sexism with people in the media and there’d come a blank look on their faces, like, “Yeah, what do you want me to do about it?”

They know it’s wrong, but at the moment the public isn’t willing to do anything about it.

It’s how powerful people got away with abuse for so long. The vast majority of those who knew it was going on felt helpless to stop it.

Cosby, Weinstein, Epstein, they were too BIG to tackle.

It’s so interesting that it was one simple remark that actually brought Cosby down, and it was by a relatively obscure comedian named Hannibal Buress. Cosby was talking down to the young Black comedians, complaining about their demeanor and way of dress and apparently Hannibal simply said, “Yeah, but you raped women, Bill Cosby, so that kind of brings you down a couple notches.”

All of a sudden people wanted to know what he was talking about and the rest is history.

The women who had gone to the media to report what Cosby had done to them were all told they couldn’t touch Cosby! Not Bill Cosby!

It has always fascinated me how some people can get away with so much.

Until they can’t.

#Black Lives Matter, #Metoo, all movements started by Black women, because out of all the demographics in society, the one on the bottom may very well be Black Women.

A timely word, a call for justice…and all of a sudden the public is ready to take on those who were previously untouchable.

When will it happen for Palestine?

Everyone knows how they’re being slaughtered and oppressed, when will it be their turn?

Because right now when I read about the atrocities that Israel is committing, the blatant atrocities, and I mention it to people in the media with any type of significant following, I see that look in their eyes…that unspoken warning, “Oh you can’t touch Israel…”

But the truth is the moral arc of the universe bends towards justice.

No oppression lasts forever.

Look at how they thought slavery would never be abolished!

Even while there is much wickedness in the world, there is also a trend away from it, and that is where I tend to place my hope.

May God have mercy on all those who are suffering abuse and oppression!

May He guide us to help establish justice for all.

Because nobody, no matter how big, is too big to come falling down.

Nobody.

When I first started out writing, I really thought that you could write ANY story as long as it was logical and made sense.

I didn’t understand the idea of mainstream talking points.

At any one period of time the zeitgeist has a certain agenda. The vast majority of people–the mainstream believe certain things as gospel and you argue against it at your own risk.

And this zeitgeist is like a pendulum, it swings back and forth, from left to right and back again, very seldom does it settle in the reasonable middle.

It used to surprise me.

You’d talk about blatant racism or sexism with people in the media and there’d come a blank look on their faces, like, “Yeah, what do you want me to do about it?”

They know it’s wrong, but at the moment the public isn’t willing to do anything about it.

It’s how powerful people got away with abuse for so long. The vast majority of those who knew it was going on felt helpless to stop it.

Cosby, Weinstein, Epstein, they were too BIG to tackle.

It’s so interesting that it was one simple remark that actually brought Cosby down, and it was by a relatively obscure comedian named Hannibal Buress. Cosby was talking down to the young Black comedians, complaining about their demeanor and way of dress and apparently Hannibal simply said, “Yeah, but you raped women, Bill Cosby, so that kind of brings you down a couple notches.”

All of a sudden people wanted to know what he was talking about and the rest is history.

The women who had gone to the media to report what Cosby had done to them were all told they couldn’t touch Cosby! Not Bill Cosby!

It has always fascinated me how some people can get away with so much.

Until they can’t.

#Black Lives Matter, #Metoo, all movements started by Black women, because out of all the demographics in society, the one on the bottom may very well be Black Women.

A timely word, a call for justice…and all of a sudden the public is ready to take on those who were previously untouchable.

When will it happen for Palestine?

Everyone knows how they’re being slaughtered and oppressed, when will it be their turn?

Because right now when I read about the atrocities that Israel is committing, the blatant atrocities, and I mention it to people in the media with any type of significant following, I see that look in their eyes…that unspoken warning, “Oh you can’t touch Israel…”

But the truth is the moral arc of the universe bends towards justice.

No oppression lasts forever.

Look at how they thought slavery would never be abolished!

Even while there is much wickedness in the world, there is also a trend away from it, and that is where I tend to place my hope.

May God have mercy on all those who are suffering abuse and oppression!

May He guide us to help establish justice for all.

Because nobody, no matter how big, is too big to come falling down.

Nobody.

I remember the incident well!

I’d come back from an overseas tour and was attending a family literacy night at a school that had booked me.

I was tired.

When your schedule fills up, and it’s busy season, it comes with a level of exhaustion that doesn’t get satisfied with just a good night’s sleep.

Anyway, it was some school about an hour away. I thought piece of cake. Went there, thought of what I would say, got up and said it, and then called to the principal that I was done. She seemed surprised, and I realized I’d made the mistake of not asking how long they wanted me to speak.

I made the assumption that like in most cases, they’d want a brief fifteen minute presentation.

That look on the principal’s face gave me a jolt and ever since then I’ve always tended towards over preparation rather than under.

There’s no worse feeling than standing in front of a group of people and your mind going blank because you ran out of things to say.

I firmly believe in leaving them wanting more!

And so now, as I prepare for a zoom seminar, I find myself creating a presentation I likely won’t be able to completely finish. Not unless I talk very fast! Which I tend to do anyway.

But I want to give them a bang for every buck, so I over prepare!

It makes me feel a lot better! It’s the consideration I would want if I was booking my services!