Monika Basile's Blog: Confessions of a Bleeding Heart - Posts Tagged "online-dating"
Mix ups for Match ups
Mix ups for Match ups...
To Whom It May Concern( this is an open letter to Match.com, OKCupid, Plentyoffish, or any other online dating site who presumes to know who would be my best match):
Each of your organizations claims to know my “perfect” match. I think not and you are proving it each day.
Number one: I am a smoker, so when you match me up with someone who finds smoking to be disgusting, I have already lost the game here.
Number two: I like men, and only men. When you match me up with someone whom is bisexual or female—I think you must be unaware of my preference.
Number three: I have many children and I do not desire any more. When you match me up with child haters or even from the other spectrum—men who want a million more—again, this is not a clever match.
Number four: I answered on your questionnaire that I will not relocate to China or any other far off land and that I am only willing to travel within a fifty mile radius. Your scientific “perfect” match with the man who lives in Florida, who also likes dining out, is still not a good idea.
Number five: I am curvy and voluptuous. The matches with the men, whom prefer only slender, athletic build and thin women, already hate my guts.
Number five: You asked if I would date a man who is an atheist. I stated that this is one thing I can not budge on, that I must have a man who believes in God. So the matches you sent me of the variety of men who think my faith is “stupid” were only a waste of my time and theirs. And yes I know Satan worshippers actually must believe in God to worship the opposite, this obviously was not what I had in mind.
Number six: Just because a man likes to dine out and read does not mean that we are ideally suited—especially if he can’t stand curvy, smoking, God believing, too many children, not rich women.
Number seven: Just because I am a writer and creative, am five three and am flaky, does not mean I want a carbon copy of myself to date. If that were the case, I would forgo dating and not be in need of your services.
Number eight: “I am drama free” This statement should be black balled directly from each and every profile. Life is a drama and if you have no drama in your life then you are dead or the walking undead. I clearly state in my profile that I live in chaos so quit sending me matches who want nothing but peace.
Number nine: You asked what I am looking for. I answered a long term relationship. Matching me up with “sex partners” could turn into a long term relationship but I highly doubt it. I can find that kind of “relationship” well on my own at any of the local bars.
In conclusion, I ask that you review my profile again and send me matches accordingly.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Monika M. Basile
To Whom It May Concern( this is an open letter to Match.com, OKCupid, Plentyoffish, or any other online dating site who presumes to know who would be my best match):
Each of your organizations claims to know my “perfect” match. I think not and you are proving it each day.
Number one: I am a smoker, so when you match me up with someone who finds smoking to be disgusting, I have already lost the game here.
Number two: I like men, and only men. When you match me up with someone whom is bisexual or female—I think you must be unaware of my preference.
Number three: I have many children and I do not desire any more. When you match me up with child haters or even from the other spectrum—men who want a million more—again, this is not a clever match.
Number four: I answered on your questionnaire that I will not relocate to China or any other far off land and that I am only willing to travel within a fifty mile radius. Your scientific “perfect” match with the man who lives in Florida, who also likes dining out, is still not a good idea.
Number five: I am curvy and voluptuous. The matches with the men, whom prefer only slender, athletic build and thin women, already hate my guts.
Number five: You asked if I would date a man who is an atheist. I stated that this is one thing I can not budge on, that I must have a man who believes in God. So the matches you sent me of the variety of men who think my faith is “stupid” were only a waste of my time and theirs. And yes I know Satan worshippers actually must believe in God to worship the opposite, this obviously was not what I had in mind.
Number six: Just because a man likes to dine out and read does not mean that we are ideally suited—especially if he can’t stand curvy, smoking, God believing, too many children, not rich women.
Number seven: Just because I am a writer and creative, am five three and am flaky, does not mean I want a carbon copy of myself to date. If that were the case, I would forgo dating and not be in need of your services.
Number eight: “I am drama free” This statement should be black balled directly from each and every profile. Life is a drama and if you have no drama in your life then you are dead or the walking undead. I clearly state in my profile that I live in chaos so quit sending me matches who want nothing but peace.
Number nine: You asked what I am looking for. I answered a long term relationship. Matching me up with “sex partners” could turn into a long term relationship but I highly doubt it. I can find that kind of “relationship” well on my own at any of the local bars.
In conclusion, I ask that you review my profile again and send me matches accordingly.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Monika M. Basile
I Ain't Desperate
A few weeks ago I went to dinner with a friend. We are both single and both desiring more but not with each other. I suggested internet dating. He said the ultimate worst thing, “I’m not that desperate.”
I cringed—on the inside and the outside.
At the moment I am not online. I have been giving myself a bit of time to heal and get brave again. However, I may be back there soon enough. And I ain’t desperate.
I said that out loud, “Hey, I internet date. I’m not desperate. I’m just actively seeking what I very much want.”
He rolls his eyes and goes on to tell me how his ex wife also internet dated all over the place, constantly meeting men etc. I had to point out to him how his ex wife actually met the man of her dreams doing this and married him last year.
“Well, I’m just not that desperate yet. And there are a bunch of strange people on there anyway.”
Trying to explain to someone that it is not a desperate act to date in a different way is baffling. Trying to tell him it is a way to meet people who are also trying to meet people. It is still all left to chance but at least you know this person on the other end of the computer is also looking for someone or something. Yes, there is the chance of meeting loonys or serial killers or horrible people. There is also the chance of meeting someone like me. Not to say I am perfectly normal, I am merely utterly human.
“I’ll just let it happen naturally and meet someone in a bar, like you did a few weeks ago.”
That was a fluke. Really. That is not the norm for me in the least. I happened to force myself out to a party for my brother in law knowing I would be the seventeenth wheel among a mass of couples. I met the only other person at the bar we had hopped to who had only had one drink. That is a fluke in itself. We sat on the edge of the partygoers and talked for an hour, exchanged numbers and have been on a few dates. It may or may not work out. It doesn’t mean I will start cruising the bars trying to pick up men if it doesn’t. Most likely, I will just go back online. Not in desperation—but with hope.
I am not saying it is the best way to meet people, only that it is a way to meet people—all kinds of people. People who might be desperate and mostly those who are not and who are just hopeful too.
Last night, I attempted to be his wingwoman while we went out for a drink. Watching him panic as he tried to get the courage up to speak to a woman he found attractive was quite enlightening. ( I really saw the other side of the coin, dear men, and I do not envy that position in the least.) He let the moment pass as he never quite found the right moment to speak to her. It made me think about how many moments we let pass waiting for the right one to appear.
While he walked me to my apartment I said, “You know what? If you were dating online you wouldn’t have to wait for the right time. You would see a woman you thought was pretty, read her profile, send an email and then wait for a response or no response. You wouldn’t have to wonder if she was single, or looking or anything. Everyone there is there to meet someone. It might be easier.”
He just shook his head.
It isn’t desperate to actively seek your life in whatever way works for you. It is stepping out into the world and still living and hoping you find what you seek. You can’t find the needle in the haystack if you don’t bail any hay.
Monika M. Basile
I cringed—on the inside and the outside.
At the moment I am not online. I have been giving myself a bit of time to heal and get brave again. However, I may be back there soon enough. And I ain’t desperate.
I said that out loud, “Hey, I internet date. I’m not desperate. I’m just actively seeking what I very much want.”
He rolls his eyes and goes on to tell me how his ex wife also internet dated all over the place, constantly meeting men etc. I had to point out to him how his ex wife actually met the man of her dreams doing this and married him last year.
“Well, I’m just not that desperate yet. And there are a bunch of strange people on there anyway.”
Trying to explain to someone that it is not a desperate act to date in a different way is baffling. Trying to tell him it is a way to meet people who are also trying to meet people. It is still all left to chance but at least you know this person on the other end of the computer is also looking for someone or something. Yes, there is the chance of meeting loonys or serial killers or horrible people. There is also the chance of meeting someone like me. Not to say I am perfectly normal, I am merely utterly human.
“I’ll just let it happen naturally and meet someone in a bar, like you did a few weeks ago.”
That was a fluke. Really. That is not the norm for me in the least. I happened to force myself out to a party for my brother in law knowing I would be the seventeenth wheel among a mass of couples. I met the only other person at the bar we had hopped to who had only had one drink. That is a fluke in itself. We sat on the edge of the partygoers and talked for an hour, exchanged numbers and have been on a few dates. It may or may not work out. It doesn’t mean I will start cruising the bars trying to pick up men if it doesn’t. Most likely, I will just go back online. Not in desperation—but with hope.
I am not saying it is the best way to meet people, only that it is a way to meet people—all kinds of people. People who might be desperate and mostly those who are not and who are just hopeful too.
Last night, I attempted to be his wingwoman while we went out for a drink. Watching him panic as he tried to get the courage up to speak to a woman he found attractive was quite enlightening. ( I really saw the other side of the coin, dear men, and I do not envy that position in the least.) He let the moment pass as he never quite found the right moment to speak to her. It made me think about how many moments we let pass waiting for the right one to appear.
While he walked me to my apartment I said, “You know what? If you were dating online you wouldn’t have to wait for the right time. You would see a woman you thought was pretty, read her profile, send an email and then wait for a response or no response. You wouldn’t have to wonder if she was single, or looking or anything. Everyone there is there to meet someone. It might be easier.”
He just shook his head.
It isn’t desperate to actively seek your life in whatever way works for you. It is stepping out into the world and still living and hoping you find what you seek. You can’t find the needle in the haystack if you don’t bail any hay.
Monika M. Basile
