Ila Golden's Blog

Growing up in the UK, in the 90s and 00s, when you didn’t have more than terrestrial TV, and the 4, eventually 5, basic channels, meant you were either mostly a CBBC kid or a CITV kid. We were the latter.

So we were watching:

Art Attack

Woof!

Bernard’s Watch

My Parents are Aliens

Fun House

Finders Keepers

Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids

The Worst Witch

How 2

Roger and the Rotten Trolls

Old Bear Stories

Rosie and Jim

The list can probably go on a lot longer, but those are the ones I remember the most. Of course there were a few CBBC shows in the mix too. Grange Hill, Byker Grove, Blue Peter. But, mostly, we were watching CITV for our kids shows.

(I was also watching Star Trek too, and Quantum Leap, etc, a baby nerds still got to nerd lol)

Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

Because it means we can start really planning it, and not just talking about some distant possibility.

‘Thanks,’ he shot me this weak kind of grateful smile. ‘I’m Ralph by the way.’

‘Jay,’ I gave him the name I was using for the people I worked with, including Julian.

‘Jay as in short for…?’

‘It’s not short for anything,’ I half wanted to roll my eyes, since this wasn’t the first time someone had made that assumption. ‘My name is actually Jay, spelt J A Y. I was named after my father.’

‘I see,’ his face pulled into a very telling look. ‘I didn’t realise that was an actual name.’

‘I know it’s not exactly common, but Grandma Peters always liked less common names,’ I shrugged. ‘Then again, maybe that had something to do with Nana Page naming her Flower,’ I laughed.

‘Your grandmother’s name is Flower?’ Another very telling look appeared on his face.

‘Yeah, and?’

‘Nothing, I guess,’ he held his hands up. ‘I just thought it was modern celebrities who were into all that weird name stuff. You know, like calling their kid’s Apple or whatever. I mean, what kind of parent names their kid Flower?’

‘Would you think it was so weird if she was called Rose, or Daisy, or Fleur?’ I challenged. ‘Especially since that last one is literally the same name, just in French.’

‘Okay, okay, I get your point, jeez,’ Ralph rolled his eyes. ‘You know you’re pretty sensitive.’

‘No I’m not,’ I snapped, then instantly gritted my teeth at my own behaviour. ‘I’m sorry, I’m genuinely not an overly sensitive person, but my name is kind of important to me, since my Dad… He… uh… he died before I was born. And… and maybe it’s a weird thing to get all defensive over, but…’

‘No, okay, in context it makes sense,’ he shot me an almost understanding look. ‘I guess I was probably coming off a little more insensitive than I intended,’ as he spoke we entered the staffroom. ‘I mean, I know I didn’t know what your name meant to you, but that’s no excuse for me to be flat out rude about it. Seriously, you’d think with all my sensitivity training I would remember to engage my brain before opening my mouth.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean exactly?’ I cocked an eyebrow at him.

‘It means that students with autism or learning disabilities aren’t the only ones with feelings that matter,’ this earnest smile spread across his face. ‘So, how about we start this over. Hi, I’m Ralph.’

‘Hello Ralph,’ I smirked at him a little, ‘I’m Jay.’

‘Jay, that’s an unusual name, there a story behind it?’

‘Yeah, actually, I was named after my dad,’ my smirk turned into more of a sad smile.

‘I’m sorry for your loss,’ he shot me a sympathetic look. ‘Now, I’m about ready to eat, what about you?’

Extract from LJ (What Makes Me book 3), by Ila Golden

What do you enjoy most about writing?

Into worlds. Into people. Into stories. Into meaning. Metaphor.

Words are colour and life. Stories are winding journeys. Writing is like air. Like breathing. The key to the known. The unknown.

Words live and breathe. They’re held together by thoughts and ideas. By creativity and imagination. Writing is organic. Formulaic. Controlled. Unscripted. Freedom.

Writing is powerful. Writing is everything.

What do you love about where you live?

I’m just a simple nonbinary individual. I just need where I live to feel familiar. A nice view. A sea breeze. These things are bonuses. Where I live just needs to feel like home.

What positive emotion do you feel most often?

For my partner and my gerbil

Maybe it’s just the way I think about thing, but I don’t think in terms of having goals. I have things I want to do. Or achieve. Things I’m working towards. But I don’t consider those things to be goals. And for those things that I want, I’ll research, and understand the possible path I need to take to get there. But I don’t necessarily think about it as a plan or a step-by-step.

I have more of a tendency to track progress than make a to-do list. This is where my… whatever is, and I’ve done these things to work towards it. But there’s rarely a fixed timeline or a checklist to follow. Life is too unpredictable for that. You need the freedom to adapt as things change around you. And sometimes that means putting things on hold for a while, whilst you prioritise other needs.

Other times its the thing you’re working towards that changes shape. And what you’re wanting should never be an end point. I guess that’s why I don’t tend to think about it in terms of goals. Achieving your goals feels like an end point. Not the start of the next journey. I want to be constantly moving forward and growing. I want a path of possibilities. One I can follow at my own pace. Because life should be about the journey.

Create an emergency preparedness plan.

Step 2: eat chocolate

Step 3: make an actual plan

Step 4: eat more chocolate

Love. Laughter. Quiet evenings. The usual morning routine. Calm. Consistent. Little ordinary things.

What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?

They’re light, and make for the best conversation… .>

In all seriousness though, carrying your own thoughts and feelings with you, can help give them the space they need. Thoughts and feelings need their own space to be, in order for us to manage our wellbeing.