Ben Jones's Blog

Prologue

Giving up the booze is never easy and Neville was finding it harder than most. Not only were his grubby hands vibrating as if holding an invisible jackhammer, but the bloody legions of the undead had turned up too. It would have been enough to force him back to the drink but some inconsiderate bastard had eaten all of the shopkeepers. It was only blind luck that he smelled and dressed like a zombie, or Neville would be in serious trouble.

Life is about to change for Neville. It could end up a lot shorter…

With guns, explosions, submissive owls, a stripper, several expensive bottles of spirits and some really quite catchy tunes.

Act I: Zombies, Badgers, Guns and Knives

Chapter 01: Being Nobody

Chapter 02: A Surprising Lack of Pineapples

Chapter 03: The Name of the Horse

Chapter 04: The End of the World and its Associated Inconveniences

Chapter 05: Rise of the Fallen

Chapter 06: The Morning after the Apocalypse Before

Chapter 07: Smiles Aren’t Always a Good Thing

Chapter 08: Papoose

Chapter 09: Neville and Bing

Chapter 10: The Villain of the Piece

Act II: That Blissful State of Ignorance

Chapter 11: The Many Varied Uses of Clingfilm and Gaffer Tape

Chapter 12: Hello, My Name is Barbara

Chapter 13: Fun with Zombies

Chapter 14: Nobody Lives Here

Chapter 15: The Unlikely Issue of Sexual Deviant Birds

Chapter 16: A Seriously Ill Advised Barbeque

Chapter 17:  Only One Pineapple So Far

Act III: A Bit like Lord of the Rings but on a Budget

Chapter 18: Love Thy Neighbour

Chapter 19: Like a Fuckin’ Ninja

Chapter 20: Drunken Surgery and Bunting

Chapter 21: The Inauguration Party

Chapter 22: Organic Meat

Chapter 23: Exodus

Chapter 24: Rural Affairs

Act IV: The Path of Least Resistance

Chapter 25: A World Apart

Chapter 26: A Long Winded Montage

Chapter 27: A Night Out on the Town

Chapter 28: Mutilation

Chapter29: Motoring and the Undead – A Crash Course

Chapter 30: A Useful Vantage Point

Act V: A Grand Finale

Chapter 31: The Word ‘Uniform’

Chapter 32: Illumination

Chapter 33: A Few Minor Adjustments

Chapter 34: Of Cats and Men

Chapter 35: Zombie! The Musical

Chapter 36: Dawn of the Even Deader

Chapter 37: Love Cats

Chapter 38: Balls to the Future

I’ll be adding chapters bit by bit for the next few days. Each chapter is saved as a .docx file (word file)

CH01

CH02

CH03

CH04

Enjoy!! xx

My poor blog. Like the overwhelming majority of diaries ever sold, I started it off with good intentions but tailed off in week two. Not good enough Ben! Naughty!

More of me gently chastising myself tomorrow… Probably

Xx

It’s a busy old life being a poet. Quite apart from this blog and the actual poetry thing, there are three Facebook pages, Twitter, and various other poetry sites. The latter are used purely to get a better idea of which of my poems are the most popular, having better statistics on views/likes etc.

While browsing my statistics on HelloPoetry.com, I found myself a little perplexed. The fact that I have so many bloody poems to sort through was only a minor annoyance compared to the fact that, of all the poems I have ever written, the most popular are My Nose is Evil followed closely by Annie’s Fanny.

I enjoyed writing those poems very much but they are by no means the pieces which I am fondest or proudest of. It’s a funny old world ;) xx

Well, I no longer have to think about zombies. So after a year and a half of writing about them, I find myself with nothing to do. This is a dangerous situation for a poet to find himself in and swift action must be taken.

I would like to ask for subjects to write about. There are no limitations or restrictions at all so if you would like a poem all of your very own then tell me.

I await your ideas xx

Today, after arduous hours of editing, I got to the two words that writers dream of:

THE END

The final chapter has been added and, after some tiny tweaks, I can plan my next book. Already itching to get tucked in to another project. Mainly poetry this time though, I’ve really missed it.

Xx

After days of reading, correcting and punctuation, I have finally read my own book! I have started work on the final chapter now I have a better overview of the story and anticipate an end to my zombie traumas any time soon.

After a long and tiring day, I am putting the keyboard down and enjoying the rest of the evening. Cake may well be involved xx

While reading through the first draft of Resident: Neville, I chanced on a couple of paragraphs which I can share. In this snippet, we join Nefarious Nigel the Necromancer as he awakens…

The coarse sound of an engine being revved with enthusiasm, cut through the early dawn and prickled Nigel’s grotty eardrums. The filthy man raised himself up onto his elbows, exposing a grubby mess on his pillow where his greasy, matted hair had lain. He listened intently as the guttural roar continued, rattling what remained of the building’s windows and shaking loose a few polystyrene tiles from his office ceiling.

          The problem with immortality was the laziness which it imbued in its sufferers. After two hundred years of buying new pyjamas and turning your face into a welt of scar tissue with constant shaving, the temptation to just not bother became overwhelming. For the last few millennia, he’d let his beard have free reign over his face and slept in whatever he was wearing. It’s no coincidence that whenever God is pictured, he has a long flowing beard and appears to be wearing his bedclothes.

As I recline in our basement kitchen, a fine tendril of spring drifts through the open window and tickles my nose. Such a vivid scent it imparts that my mind is thrown backwards, to days long gone, when life was a doddle and stress was unseen.

I see my youthful face and think to myself ‘Oh bollocks! I’d better have a shave’

And thus, another beard bites the dust

Xx

After a good deal of reading and a little light correction, I am about a third of the way through Resident: Neville. So far, it’s not nearly as bad as I had feared and I’m increasingly confident that a novel may well appear.

Still much to do though. Once the tinkering is done with, there are a few other odd jobs to do. I was considering a few illustrations to tart things up a bit but still not too sure. More on that some other time.

The sun is shining and a cold beer is calling me. It would be terribly rude to leave it hanging xx