Nikki Reimer's Blog

Text copied here from a Twitter thread.

1. The piece isn't online, but the on-newstands-now Winter 2020 issue of Herizons magazine features an interview of me by Tara-Michelle Ziniuk, where I discuss writing My Heart is a Rose Manhattan, grief, feminism, and women's anger.

Screenshot of issue index

2. Rad poet, friend and editor Elee Kraljii Gardiner’s Against Death anthology, recently into a second printing, will be down at AWP 2020 for those attending. As will Elee, continuing to resist death in living, fleshy glory. See the book and Elee's Trauma Head at the Anvil Press booth 1726 on the Thursday and Friday from 1-2 pm.

3. I'm stoked to have a piece in Catherine Owens' Locations of Grief anthology, alongside powerhouses like Jane Eaton Hamilton, Marilyn Dumont, Canisia Lubrin, Waubgeashig Rice, Alice Major, Richard Harrison, and my dear beloved Daniel Zomparelli. Watch for the national tour May 7-June 4. We’ll be launching at Owl’s Nest in Calgary on May 22.

4. I really appreciate the anthology as a space of conversation and inclusion, particularly for discussions of loss and trauma. The community held me up in so many ways after Chris died, a thousand gifts, actions and moments that I will never be able to repay in this lifetime.

5. One of the first things that happened, like the same or next day, was Jean Baird sending me a copy of The Heart Does Break, an anthology she co-edited with George Bowering. I would cling to those essays about stumbling around after loss in the months to come.

6. Particularly Hiromi Goto's piece about an ensuing nervous breakdown. Everyone thinks they can prevent the grief breakdown. You cannot prevent the grief breakdown. Respect the grief breakdown. Don't be like me and try to power through the grief breakdown.

7. Actually the very first message I received after news of Chris' death got out was an email from Jean that said "Be very gentle with yourself." Solid advice that I didn't always heed. Grief is exhausting and embodied, and the trauma weaves its way in to become the painbody.

“Be very gentle with yourself.”

8. I wrote the poem “National Day” (appears in My Heart is a Rose Manhattan) in a state of rage after being triggered one too many times by the utterly fake #SiblingsDay which seems to crop up 5x/year; the good people at Modern Loss have created a Siblings Day gift swap which you can sign up for through 3/3.

9. I've signed up! I'm ready! Siblings Day can suck it!

10. The Modern Loss anthology is a good read, by the way. The entire site is full of great writing and grief resources. My essay in the book, called "Deathday Birthday," chronicles the first 5 years of my own personal yearly 48 hours of hell.

11. Whereby Chris' death anniversary is followed the very next day by my own birthday. This year was, all told, not bad. There was a lovely gathering of his friends that brought the comfort of knowing that everyone else still misses him too. I spent most of the day in the bath.

12. Released two years ago, the Chris Reimer Hello People album is still finding its way to people. We'd love to sell out our run, if you're so inclined to share with people who love gentle ambient soundscapes. All sales to Chris Reimer Legacy Fund Society.

13. I'm always already ready to quit the business in despair, but I've been reinvigorated by taking part in a Warman School of Death workshop. The piece I wasn't sure about made everyone cry, so I guess I have to finish writing this GD WIP.

14. Thank you for reading This Week in Death.

I’m very grateful for this in-depth conversation about My Heart is a Rose Manhattan by Jami Macarty & Nicholas Hauck in The Maynard. Check it out.

An acquaintance reached out to me last month to say that she was doing her first ever reading, and did I have any tips? I did! Then it occurred to me that it might be helpful to post them for others who are starting out.

I remember, not my first reading, but a reading I did early in my tenure as a poet, where I was so nervous that I wasn’t inhaling. My voice was getting creakier, panic was setting in, and I was so self-conscious and nervous about my self-consciousness and nervousness that I nearly passed out before I finished my poems.

That was nearly twenty years ago, and I’m now complimented and told I’m a beautiful reader. Practice absolutely makes perfect, so I’ve certainly gotten better due repetition, but I’ve also incorporated some principles that I think anyone could learn from. Ergo:

Posture. Stand up straight, and be confident. Even if you’re nervous, stand tall and proud. The confidence will follow your body’s cues.

Reading is a performance. It doesn’t have to be overly dramatic or acted out, but in performing your work you are endeavoring to give life to it for an audience. It should be a different experience for them than they’d get from reading your words on their own.

Particularly if you’re performing poetry, you might not read it exactly as it sits on the page. It’s helpful to spend time practicing and figuring out the tongue twisters in the safety of your bedroom or living room before you go onstage. Do you know the parts where you’ll need to take a breath? You could write “breathe” on your reading copy to remind you when to breathe (or add a symbol if you’re reading from your phone).

Speak slower than you think you need to. Most people read too fast when they’re starting out, and time feels different on the stage. Practice your reading at home ahead of time so you can know how long your material will take, and so you can stay within your allotted time.

It’s always better to stop a bit short and leave them wanting more than to be the person who goes on too long and cuts into everyone else’s reading time. If you’ve not had a chance to time your practice, bring your phone up with you and set a timer.

Make sure you’re breathing into your belly rather than your chest so you have a nice big buckets of air to speak from. Don’t be afraid to take in a big gulp of air if you need it.

Look up now and again and make eye contact with the audience. Don’t be afraid to engage them.

Some people claim that they picture the audience naked as a method of conquering stage fright, but that’s never been my jam. Your mileage may vary. I prefer to think of them as my friends.

Enjoy yourself! Whatever tricks you have to be present and grounded in your body will help you be present in your performance.

Nervous energy beforehand is quite normal. You can use it to power your reading. Don’t panic if you feel nerves; it means you care.

Good luck. Love to hear your thoughts or additional tips!

We discuss feminist theory and praxis, grief, politics, misery, horse poems, ludic practice, and why Canada sucks. Read it now!

2018 was a good publishing year for me! In addition to the beautiful, death-affirming Modern Loss book, (Harper Collins), edited by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner, which includes my Deathday Birthday essay alongside work by When Breath Becomes Air author Paul Kalanithi’s widow Lucy Kalanithi, What Not to Wear stylist Stacy London, whom Rena and I watched A LOT that first year, CNN’s Brian Stelter, and many others, I’ve got work out in:

GUSH: Menstrual Manifestos for Our Times, (Frontenac House) edited by Rosanna Deerchild, Ariel Gordon, and Tanis MacDonald. My essay “Hysteria” talks about how it took 25 years to receive an endometriosis diagnosis, with appropriate bitterness.

Refuse: CanLit in Ruins , (Book*hug) edited by Hannah McGregor, Julie Rak & Erin Wunker. My conversation with Natalee Caple explores hierarchies, celebrity, and the rhizome, questioning how we might grow new roots of CanLit from the ashes.

Calgary through the Eyes of Writers, (Rocky Mountain Books) edited by Shaun Hunter. I’m honoured to see my poem “childing,” about the childhood wilds of Woodbine and Woodlands, reprinted here next to a who’s who of writers who’ve written the town of cows.

2019 will see two grief anthologies, and my next book of poetry. Can’t wait to share them with you!

Birds Art Life: A year of observation — Kyo Maclear

Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge your focus, productivity and success with the secrets of the ADHD brain — Peter Shankman

Another Bullshit Night in Suck City — Nick Flynn

Beautiful children with pet foxes — Jennifer LoveGrove

Tell Them I Said No — Martin Herbert

There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé — Morgan Parker

Brother — David Chariandy

a place called No Homeland — Kai Cheng Thom

IRL — Tommy Pico

Bitches Brew — George Grella Jr.

Soft Focus — Sarah Jean Grimm

Modern Loss: Candid conversations about grief. Beginners welcome — Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner 

Too Big To Fail — Georgia Faust

We Are All Just Animals & Plants — Alex Manley

How Do I Look? — Sennah Yee

Sugarblood — Liz Bowen

The Original Face — Guillaume Morissette

Our Lady of Perpetual Realness & Other Stories — Cason Sharpe

Tropico — Marcela Huerta

This Real — Concette Principe

A Beautiful Marsupial Afternoon: New (Soma)tics — CA Conrad

The End by Anna — Adam Zachary

Boundless — Jillian Tamaki

I have to live — Aisha Sasha John 

Stereoblind— Emma Healey

Tar Swan — David Martin

The Girls with Stone Faces — Arleen Pare

#IndianLovePoems — Tenille Campbell

Jonny Appleseed — Joshua Whitehead

If Pressed — Andrew McEwan

Hider/Seeker — Jen Currin

Little Fish — Casey Plett

Smoked Mullet Cornbread Crawdad Memory —  L. Rain Prud'homme-Cranford (book authored we Rain C Gomez) 

My Private Property — Mary Ruefle 

Dear Current Occupant: A Memoir — Chelene Knight 

The Nonnets — Aaron Giovannone

Believing is not the same as Being Saved — Lisa Martin

The flower can always be changing — Shawna Lemay

GUSH: Menstrual Manifestos for our Times — Rosanna Deerchild, Ariel Gordon and Tanis MacDonald, Eds.

Motherland Fatherland Homelandsexuals — Patricia Lockwood

Slow War — Benjamin Hertwig

Outskirts — Sue Goyette

The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas — Gertrude Stein

 Sodom Road Exit — Amber Dawn

Stampede and the Westness of West — Aritha van Herk

Collected poems — Tomas Transtromer 

We are never meeting in real life — Samantha Irby

Moomin: The Complete Tove Jansson Comic Strip Vol. 1

So You Want to Talk About Race — Ijeoma Oluo

Bad Endings — Carleigh Baker

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work — Mason Currey 

Priestdaddy — Patricia Lockwood

Ask Me About My Uterus — Abby Norman

When Things Fall Apart — Pema Chodron

The Marrow Thieves — Cherie Dimaline

Real Artists Have Day Jobs — Sara Benincasa

I’m Afraid of Men — Vivek Shraya

Low-Fi Frags In-Progress — Frances Kruk

Welcome to the Anthropocene — Alice Major

Port of Being — Shazia Hafiz Ramji

Holy Wild — Gwen Benaway

REFUSE: CanLit in Ruins — Hannah McGregor, Julie Rak and Erin Wunker, Eds. (Advance Reading Copy)

Psycho Kitty — Pam Johnson-Bennett

Eco Thrifty: Cheaper, greener choices for a happier, healthier life — Deborah Niemann

The Eyelash And The Monochrome — Tiziana La Melia 

Trickster Drift — Eden Robinson

Starting from Scratch: How to correct behaviour problems in your adult cat — Pam Johnson-Bennett 

heart berries: a memoir — Terese Marie Mailhot

Out of Line: Daring to be an Artist Outside of the Big City — Tanis MacDonald 

You have the right to remain fat — VirgieTovar 

Peace, Power, Righteousness: An Indigenous Manifesto — Taiaiake Alfred

river woman — katharena vermette

Pound Foolish: Exposing the Dark Side of the Personal Finance Industry — Helaine Olen

White Working Class: Overcoming Class Cluelessness in America — Joan C. Williams

I’m posting this at the end of December 2018 but what is time really?

Her Paraphernalia: On motherlines sex blood loss & selfies -- Margaret Christakos

Salt -- Nayyirah Waheed

Night Sky with Exit Wounds -- Ocean Vuong

Milk and Honey -- Rupi Kaur

Mend the Living -- Maylis De Kerangal. Translated by Jessica Moore

Belly Full of Rocks -- Tyler B. Perry

Whelmed -- Nicole Markotic

Lost -- Cathy Ostlere

S/he -- Minnie Bruce Pratt

Night & Ox -- Jordan Scott

ةيلمع Operación Opération Operation 行 动 Oперация -- Moez Surani

Birdie -- Tracey Lindberg

The Reluctant Fundamentalist -- Mohsin Hamid

Rich and Poor -- Jacob Wren

Don't Go Where I Can't Follow -- Anders Nilsen (with Cheryl Weaver)

Muse & Drudge -- Harryette Mullen

Ways of Seeing -- John Berger

Son of a Trickster -- Eden Robinson

Body Shots -- Small Ghosts

Manhood for Amateurs -- Michael Chabon

Wendy's Revenge -- Walter Scott

Madness, Rack, and Honey -- Mary Rueffle

If I were in a cage I'd reach out for you -- Adele Barclay

3 Summers -- Lisa Robertson

 Islands of Decolonial Love -- Leanne Simpson

Little Wildheart -- Micheline Maylor

Conflict is not abuse -- Sarah Schumann

Living a Feminist Life -- Sara Ahmed

Bad Ideas -- Michael V. Smith

Dear Ghost, -- Catherine Owen

On Not Losing My Father's Ashes in the Flood -- Richard Harrison

Planetary Noise: Selected poetry of Erin Moure. Edited by Shannon Maguire.

This Accident of Being Lost -- Leanne Betasamosake Simpson

One Hundred Days of Rain -- Carellin Brooks

Dr. Edith Vane and the Hares of Crawley Hall -- Suzette Mayr

Hunger -- Roxane Gay

Scree: The Collected Earlier Poems 1962--1991 -- Fred Wah. Edited by Jeff Derksen

The Quietist poems by Fanny Howe

Embers -- Richard Wagamese

Love Minus Zero -- Lori Hahnel

Hyperbole and a half -- Allie Brosh

Leave your body behind -- Sandra Doller

The Hour of the Star -- Clarice Lispector

Campus Sex, Campus Security -- Jennifer Doyle

Don't Tell Me What To Do -- Dina Del Bucchia 

Lives of the Family: Stories of Fate and Circumstance -- Denise Chong

One Day We’ll All Be Dead And None Of This Will Matter — Scaachi Koul 

Torpor — Chris Kraus

Full Metal Indigiqueer — Joshua Whitehead

Prison Industrial Complex Explodes — Mercedes Eng

Leap-Seconds — Paul Zits 

After Kathy Acker — Chris Kraus

This Wound is a World — Billy Ray Belcourt

Cheer Up, Jay Ritchie — Jay Ritchie

Voodoo Hypothesis — Canisia Lubrin

For Your Safety Please Hold On — Kayla Czaga

F Bomb: Dispatches from the War on Feminism — Lauren McKeon

No TV For Woodpeckers — Gary Barwin

 Hera Lindsay Bird — Hera Lindsay Bird

My Conversations With Canadians — Lee Maracle

GRANTA 140: State of Mind

While Standing in Line for Death — CAConrad

Ariel: poems by Sylvia Plath 

My Ariel: poems by Sina Queyras

Braided Skin — Chelene Knight

Malled: Deciphering Shopping in Canada — Kit Dobson

Bad Egg — Beni Xiao

The Tide — Jake Byrne

Normal Women — Megan Fennya Jones

The Book of Frank — CA Conrad 

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I cried for six hours yesterday and didn't go to my parents' house to see my 91-year-old grandmother, who is visiting from out of town. (I'll go see her today). And the vicarious trauma I've been feeling from all of the news from our neighbours to the south has me so filled with anxiety that I feel like peeling my own scalp off.

However, today I sat down and donated $100 to ActBlue, which is working to help families separated by the United States by sending your donation where it's most needed (I don't really have the money to spare right now but that's not important). Visit secure.actblue.com/donate/kidsattheborder. If you are in the United States, or even if you are not, this Slate article also has useful information on how you can fight what's happening: slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/06/how-you-can-fight-family-separation-at-the-border

I also sat down and wrote this email to my MP, cc'ing the Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship, the Minister of Foreign Affairs, and the Prime Minister. I dunno if it will do any good, but feel free to adapt and modify for your own purposes. Sorry for airing the family laundry, mom.

To: Nikki Reimer ,
kent.hehr@parl.gc.ca,
Ahmed.Hussen@parl.gc.ca,
Chrystia.Freeland@parl.gc.ca,
Justin.Trudeau@parl.gc.ca

June 17, 2018

Mr. Kent Hehr, MP

House of Commons

Ottawa, ON

Dear Mr. Hehr,

I am writing with concern regarding the new American policy to separate children from their parents at the border while seeking asylum. According to Time Magazine, nearly 2,000 kids were separated from their families within a six-week period from April 19 through to May 31 (http://time.com/5314128/trump-immigration-family-separation-2000-children/) I would like to know what Canada is planning to do both to help these families, and to pressure the United States to reverse this policy. I hope you will do everything you can to ensure that Canada remains a global leader in human rights and protection of children.

While I have not worked professionally in the areas of immigration and justice, I am a person who was raised by a mother who had four miscarriages from the time that I was two till the time that I was five, which meant that my primary caregiver was stressed, traumatized and emotionally unavailable during a critical time of development in my own young life. My beloved only sibling died as an adult six years ago. Both of these experiences gave me intimate knowledge of the effect that family trauma can have on a developing brain, as well as on the traumatic and lasting effects of family separation. Believe me when I say that there is no greater pain than the sudden loss of a family member. Because of this, I am very concerned about the inhumane treatment of young children who are being taken from their mothers; doctors are now concerned about "irreparable harm" to separated migrant children (https://www.npr.org/2018/06/15/620254326/doctors-warn-about-dangers-of-child-separations).

The Federal Liberal Party has committed to offer protection to those seeking asylum from war, terror, and persecution, including welcoming in Syrian refugees since November 4, 2015, and the work done by the Refugee and Humanitarian Resettlement Program more generally. Please now stand up and take leadership against the forced separation of families by the United States government, which would include:

Repealing the Canada-United States Safe Third Country Agreement

Pressuring the United States government to reverse its policy of separating families who are seeking asylum

Supporting any actions taken by the United Nations in response to the United States family separation policy

Supporting any actions taken by the United Nations or other groups working to re-unite families who have been separated while seeking asylum

Thank you for your commitment in the past to human rights and support for refugees. What will you now do to pressure the United States government to end its cruel policy of separating children from their parents at the border? Will you call for the repeal of the Canada-United States Safe Third Country Agreement? What specific actions will you take to end family separation by our neighbour? Please respond with answers to these key questions.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Ms. Nikki Reimer

[Address redacted]

CC: Honourable Ahmed D. Hussen, Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship; Honourable Chrystia Freeland, Minister of Foreign Affairs; Right Honourable Justin P. J. Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada