Carolina Colleene's Blog

This has been a good adventure and has been fun, but I'm done for now. I have different projects, and I can't do everything. Thank you to all those who have given of your time to read a poem or two. I hope some of the words spoke to you as they spoke to me.

Goodbye. Happy New Year.

Home

A childhood home

of rivers and the freedom to wander.

A childhood home

washed away by flooding.

A new home

that doesn’t want us to stay.

A new home

of hard work, sleepless nights, and tears.

A childhood home

where there were more than us five,

parents, siblings, and me.

A childhood home

with friends who ate at our table

and chased us into the river on hot days.

A new home

with only four of us,

parents, sister, and me.

A new home

that is eating us alive,

leaving less and less of us to wake up.

A childhood home

wh...

The Emergency

Accounts dwindle:

$956

$633

$492

$217

Water drains:

100 gallons

89

74

47

Pantry depletes:

pasta with meat sauce and canned corn

pasta with meat sauce

pasta with sauce

sauce alone

Even so,

I tell myself I’m okay.

I tell myself this is normal.

I tell myself tomorrow:

everything will start getting better

tomorrow.

But all I had saved for

an emergency

won’t last much longer.

Eventually,

I have to admit to myself:

the emergency is living.

No Hiding

Wind whips all around,

throwing a tantrum

of leaves and dirt.

It feels like punishment,

spiteful and vindictive,

as my eyes sting with

unseen particles,

as my hair is

tied in knots with itself and

interspersed with debris.

No matter where

I dance and duck

to get away from the wind,

it finds me anyway.

There is no hiding from its grasp,

no avoiding its outburst.

I feel no mercy from the wind,

but the truth is that

the wind just is.

The wind isn’t out to get me,

isn’t meaning to be angry,

but lack of intent d...

Until

The ocean is beautiful—

until it becomes a forceful flood.

A fire is coaxed to life—

until it comes too close to home and farm.

Shooting stars are wished upon—

until meteorite slams into the ground.

I am loved—

until I unleash the powerful woman inside.

The Ordinary Moments

Moments of being led to the kitchen by my nose,

knowing warm cookies will soon appear.

Moments of companionable silence

as we read next to each other on the couch.

Moments of uncontrollable laughter

when you tell me what happened on your way to work.

Moments of idle chatter over dinner

as all gather together at the end of the day.

Moments of delightful surprise

to see your name pop up on an incoming phone call.

Moments of joy and support

when we go out and something—anything—together

jus...

Inkblood

Up above, where Fates write out stories,

they dip their pens

in waterfalls of ink—

every possibility available

for every mortal life.

When they put pen

to the paper of my life,

they chose inks

of self-consciousness and fear,

writing stories of

should haves and never will bes.

I feel the ink snake through

my fingers and heart,

see its permanent blackness

staining the space under my skin,

hear it urging me to stay

in the safe dark corners

where no one can see me.

The ink believes

that it can tell me

how my st...

A Bond of Friendship

When we met,

I tied a thread of acquaintance

to my wrist and yours—

even then I knew

I wanted more of you in my life.

We crossed paths infrequently,

and I longed for a stronger connection.

One single thread

could be easily broken

even if I was careful.

I can’t remember when it happened,

and maybe you don’t either,

but the one thread became two—

and the second one didn’t come from me.

The third one was mine,

an exuberant act of celebration

the moment I noticed your thread next to mine

because ...

Cage or Covenant

Your mannerisms are just like your sister

You look just like your grandmother

You’re just like your cousin was at that age

Your mom always did the same thing

You remind me so much of your dad

You carry on the proud name of your ancestors

You are part of this family

You cannot choose your blood

You will carry on the family legacy—

Whether you want to or not.

The Moment Future Becomes Present

Poised on stage,

one last deep breath.

The darkness will soon

reveal me

and my soul.

This last second

before the cue

is that’s left between

the me of the past and

the me I’ll become.

Not enough time

to change my mind,

not enough time

to take it back.

Peace runs through me

with the blood and adrenaline

because I know now

that I will never want

to take it back.

I smile at the darkness

as it changes into light

and welcomes the new me.