Edward Sri's Blog

Recommended Picture Books for ChildrenBy Edward and Beth Sri

Filling our children’s minds with good stories plays a key role in their formation. The kinds of stories our children encounter shape their minds, imagination, and vision of the world. Being discerning about what we read to our children, therefore, is crucial for their upbringing.

All good stories are, ultimately, a reflection of the one True Story—the story of our salvation. Rather than just reading any book to our children, we should ask, “Is this story beautiful?…Is this the kind of literature that brings our children into something of that larger story?”

Many children’s books, unfortunately, can be packed with “twaddle”—which has been described as “second-rate, stale, predictable writing” that talks down to children instead of inviting them into the larger world. Such books can be “sing songy” with bland, uninspiring rhymes. Or they can engage in moralistic preaching (“Johnny should not have done that” …”It’s good to be different”…”We must always show respect”). Well- written stories themselves can teach about virtue, but not in such a flat, condescending way.

The ancient rabbis understood this. They saw that the moral vision of the Bible was found not primarily in explicit moral directives such as the Ten Commandments, but in the many rich, complex family stories of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…or David, Solomon and Rehoboam. In the beautiful narratives of the patriarchs and later leaders of Israel, the Scriptures offered many examples of virtue and vice, of people who faced various challenges, opportunities and adversities and either fulfilled their responsibility to God, family and community and fell short of the mark and reaped what they sowed.

Those beautiful stories were far from preachy. They draw the reader into the characters, their trials, their decisions, and the impact their choices had on others. They were truly great stories as stories, not merely because they were explicitly about “religion”.

So, just because a children’s book is marketed as “Catholic” and addresses Catholic topics such as the Eucharist, Mary, morality and the saints doesn’t mean it is good literature for our children’s souls. Books that talk down to children, that don’t appreciate their intelligence, and that offer a stale story—no matter how orthodox they might be in terms of content—do not edify, and therefore, do not earn a place on our bookshelf. We delight when our children are exposed to complex sentences, new vocabulary, fascinating characters, and riveting plots. Our children enjoy compelling tales that are well-told and beautifully illustrated with clever, artistic depictions—not art that is too simplistic and dumbed down to them. Children’s books that elevate the heart, mind, and soul are worth their attention. Twaddle is not.

One sign of a good children’s book is if the adult is drawn into the story and truly enjoys reading it. If the adult reading the book drawn into the story, enters into the lives of the characters and the plot, and is eager to turn the page to find out what will happen next, it likely is a good book for the children.

If, however, the adult is bored, not captivated by the storyline and finds oneself eager to turn the page (or even skip a few) just to get closer to the end, it is not likely a book we want to introduce to our children’s imagination.

Recommended Children’s Books

Good books are like friends. We’d like to introduce you to some of our friends. In the list below, you will find recommended books as well as a few of our favorite authors.These books have become like friends to whom we introduce each new Sri child. It’s also fun to see how our adult children, when they come back home, remember these stories and enjoy reading them to their younger siblings. Tim and Ginger…Johnny the Clockmaker…Mako…Mr. Whiskers…Mike Mulligan…Thompson and Thompson…and many other characters from these wonderful books might spontaneously be alluded to in conversation and remembered with a smile.

We are thankful to other families who have shared their “friends” with us over the years and are excited to pass them on to you. We hope that as you get to know them, they may bring you as much joy as they have our family.

Individual Books

The Story of Ping by Marjorie flack
Petunia by Roger Duvoisin
Millions of Cats by Wanda G’ag
A Pair of Red Clogs by Masako Matsuno

The Duchess Bakes a Cake by Virginia DahlThe Baron’s Booty by Virginia DahlAndy and the Lion by James DaughertyDaniel’s Duck by Clyde Robert BullaThe Story of Ferdinand by Munro LeafMirette on the High Wire by Emily Arnold McCullyCranberry Thanksgiving by Wendy & Harry DevlinHow to Make an Apple Pie and See the World by Marjorie PricemanOx-Cart Man by Donald HallStone Soup by Marcia BrownThe Five Chinese Brothers by Claire Hutchet BishopThy Friend Obadiah by Brinton TurkleSir Toby Jingle by Brinton TurkleLittle Gold Star: A Spanish American Cinderella Tale by Robert D San SouciMary of Mile 18 by Ann BladesSt. George and the Dragon by Margaret HodgesThe Hundred Dresses by Eleanor Estes (more advanced than a simple picture book)The Best-Loved Doll by Rebecca CaudillThe Seven Silly Eaters by Mary Ann HobermaThe Little Stone House by Berta and Elmer HaderThey Were Strong and Good by Robert LawsonMadeline & Madeline’s Rescue by Ludwig BemelmansA Chair for my Mother by Vera B WilliamsCaps for Sale by Esphyr SlobodkinaThe Children’s Book of Virtue, edited by William J BennettOwl Moon by Jane YolenThe Rag Coat by Lauren MillsShoes for Angela by Ellen Snavely

Some of Our Favorite Authors

Edward Ardizzone – Outstanding children’s literature author of mid-20th century. Especially the Tim and Ginger series.

Tim to the RescueTim and GingerShip’s Cook GingerTim All AloneNicholas and the Fast Moving DieselJohnny the ClockmakerPaul: Hero of the FireTitus in Trouble

Virginia Lee Burton – Another outstanding children’s literature author of 20th century!

Little HouseKaty and the Big SnowMike Mulligan and the Steam ShovelMaybelle the Cable CarChoo Choo

Tommy de Paola

The Clown of GodPractically everything by Tomie de Paola is good! The Clown of God is exceptional.With Catholic themes: St. Patrick, Las Posadas, Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe,The Legend of the Poinsettia

Maj Lindeman

The Snipp, Snapp, Snurr seriesThe Flicka, Ricka, Dicka series

Jim Arnosky

Many Excellent books about animals and natureExamples: All About Owls, All About Allegators, All About Deer

Robert McClosky

Make Way for DucklingsBlueberries for SalLentil

Ingri & Edgar D’Aulaire (history)

Greek mythsLeif the LuckyPocahontasLincolnBen FranklinMany others!

Most of us did not grow up with specific training in the virtues. We learned the alphabet and multiplication tables. When we were older, we were exposed to more complex science, literature, and history. Many of us went off to university, where we learned a lot of information and got training so we could land a job. But most of us were not given what authentic Christian communities have always seen as so vital to pass on from generation to generation: the great tradition on the virtuous life.

Our culture trains people to make money, manage businesses, and develop sundry technological innovations but does not deliberately pass on the basics of the virtues: what they are, how they work together, how to develop them, and how to overcome vices.

With this deficit in our personal formation, we each might wonder, “How can I personally grow in virtues if I don’t really know what they are? And how can I pass them on to my children?”

The good news is that it is never too late to get started. Whether we are seventeen or forty-s even years old, we can still play catch- up and form our minds with the correct vision for a virtuous life. And that’s the first step for growing in virtues: educating ourselves about them (see CCC 1810). The more we learn about the virtues, the clearer picture we will have for what we want to aim for in life.

We need to have a target. If we aim at nothing, we’ll hit something. That’s why educating ourselves in the virtuous life is so important. We can do this in many ways: reading the Bible and the Catechism, reading good books about the virtues, and reading good novels by wise authors such as Jane Austen, who presents such a clear picture of the virtuous life. But there are two main ways to learn about the virtues that are worth underscoring: reading the lives of the saints and living in Christian community.

The Saints

First, the saints offer real-life examples of virtue in action. They give us a picture of how we can live virtuously in our daily lives.

We can, for example, learn about how to deal with difficult personalities from the example of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, who consistently rose above her natural feelings toward the more difficult personalities in her community. In fact, she went out of her way to spend time with those people and loved them. She realized they were wounded people and just needed extra patience, care, and attention—something others in the community didn’t always want to give them.

We can learn from Saint Josemaría Escrivá, who began each project with prayer and offered his work to God as a gift of love. His example can inspire us to say a short prayer of offering to the Lord every time we turn on our computer at work or start a project at home.

When we experience a few weeks or months of dryness in prayer, we can be encouraged by the example of Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She went through decades of darkness in her spiritual life and still persevered and found Jesus at a deeper level in that darkness. She knew that faithfulness to daily prayer was far more important than any feelings of divine intimacy she might experience in prayer. Her example encourages us to remain faithful and learn, like her, to find Jesus in the darkness.

Filling our minds with stories of the saints gives us an array of concrete examples for how to put virtue into practice in our daily lives. It certainly will do much more for our growth in virtue than filling our minds with the latest score, the latest news, or the latest trend on social media. Our minds can take only so much information into our souls each day. Let’s make sure we give priority to filling our heads with what matters most, including the lives of the saints.

Virtuous Friendships

Another crucial way we learn about the virtues is regularly seeing them lived in the people around us: friends, parents, teachers, coworkers, and priests.

All education is ultimately about imitation. We’re imitating others in a way of life. Indeed, living the virtues is an art, not a science. We learn most about the virtues, therefore, not in a book but by spending time with others whom we want to imitate—t hose who have more life experience or are living more virtuously than we. Their examples inspire us and remind us of the way we want to live. Their way of life begins to rub off on us. In fact, the whole Christian way of life can be summed up as imitation: we are imitating those who imitate Christ (see 1 Cor 11:1).

That’s why it’s important to have a community of virtuous friends who are running after the same ideals. And in this community, it’s crucial that we have some friends who are a few steps ahead in life—friends who are perhaps a little older and more experienced in marriage, family, virtue, prayer, and holiness.

When I was single, I intentionally spent a lot of time with various Catholic families. I knew I wanted to be married and have a family of my own one day and was grateful to immerse myself in these families’ day- to- day lives. To this day, I instinctively recall certain things I picked up from my time with them— the way they prayed together, played together, handled conflict, forgave one another, disciplined children—and am inspired to apply some of those approaches in my own home. The time I spent hanging out with those families, sharing meals with them, and babysitting for them was like a valuable apprenticeship in Catholic family life.

Similarly, Beth and I are so thankful for the many couples who were a few steps ahead of us in terms of years of marriage and number of children they were raising. Some were like informal mentor couples whom we could call to get advice on fitting in date nights while raising little ones; balancing work, family life, and daily prayer; staying afloat when raising four kids under the age of seven; and navigating the teen years.

Looking back, I can see that our marriage and family life is a mosaic built not merely on our own ideas but also on the wisdom and experience of so many other couples who were a few steps ahead of us and who, through their examples, inspired us to be better.

This article is based on Edward Sri’s The Art of Living: The Cardinal Virtues and the Freedom to Love (Ignatius Press/Augustine Institute).

Joseph Ratzinger, the man who became Pope Benedict XVI, once said that in our secular, de- Christianized culture, the problem is not simply that the world has lost the gospel. We have lost the most basic human values as well. We have lost what he calls “the art of living.”

Indeed, in an age of moral confusion, when the great tradition of the virtues has not been passed on, the challenge is not just that we don’t know enough about Christian doctrine or the Church’s moral teachings. The problem runs much deeper: we don’t even know how to live. We don’t know how to live friendship, community, dating, marriage, and family life well. We can earn advanced degrees, gain technical skills, build a successful career, and still not know how to thrive in our most basic relationships in life.

Half of all marriages end in divorce, and even families that stay together are often fraught with problems of dysfunction, guilt, control, and abandonment.

But it’s not just marriage and family relationships that suffer today; many people do not know how to live out something as basic as authentic friendship— a friendship in which the other person is truly committed to you, not to what he gets out of you.

In a virtuous friendship, your friend seeks what is truly best for you. You and your friend are seeking together what matters most in life: the good life, the virtuous life. You don’t have to impress this person and earn his love. You can let him see you as you really are because you have confidence that he is truly committed to you and your good.

Friends like that are few and hard to find. Many people go through life never experiencing authentic friendship. In fact, people today are lonelier than ever. Two in five Americans, for example, report feeling that their relationships are not meaningful, and only about half of them say they have meaningful social interactions such as extended conversation with friends or family on a daily basis, with more than one out of four people not even having someone in whom they can confide personal matters.

Think about that: of the many people you see out in the world, half of them are not experiencing the basics of true human friendship each day. Our culture encourages us to connect digitally around the word, make as many “friends” as possible on social media, and watch other people live out their relationships on our favorite shows. But half of all people don’t even have a single meaningful social interaction each day with the people in their own real lives!

It’s no wonder young people especially are hungering for any guidance they can get on the right approaches to dating; how to discern whether they and their beloveds are called to marriage; how to build strong marriages; how to deal with stress, conflict, and communication in marriage; how to raise children; how to discipline children; and how to make their home a school of faith for their family. I find that these topics— on how to live friendship, dating, marriage, family, and the spiritual life—are the ones that grab people’s attention the most. And after hearing the Church’s wisdom on these matters, many wonder, “Why have I never heard this before?” People are starving to learn “the art of living.”

A Vision for the Virtues

Our culture might be able to build skyscrapers, rockets, and amazing technological gadgets, but we don’t know how to train people in the most basic, most fundamental, indeed most human things in life like living friendship and family. The modern world has failed to pass down the great tradition on the virtues.

We’ve lost sight of what had been handed down from generation to generation throughout the centuries: the art of living. Ancient thinkers like Plato, Aristotle, and Cicero and Christian theologians like Saint Augustine and Saint Thomas Aquinas tell a beautiful story of the virtues: how they are structured, how they relate together, and how they help us become the men and women God made us to be. From this tradition, we also learn much about the various weaknesses, vices, and sins that hinder our pursuit of virtue and how to overcome those tendencies in our lives.

Thankfully, in some Christian circles, there has been more talk about virtue in recent years: the importance of virtue, the need to grow in virtue, and how to practice the virtues. Still, many popular presentations depict the virtues in a fragmented way: “Five virtues you need to be successful” or “Seven virtues for highly effective families” or “Six virtues for healthy dating relationships.”

These presentations, of course, can inspire people to live better lives. But we shouldn’t think of the virtues as a list of various techniques, some kind of five- step program, or a checklist of things to accomplish for our spiritual lives (“I’m going to acquire one new virtue each week of Lent this year!”). The virtues go much deeper. They’re not merely tasks, qualities, or action items. They take much time and grace to sink in. They involve the shaping of one’s emotions, desires, character, and soul. Indeed, the possession (and lack) of virtue shapes who we are.

The great tradition of the virtues offers a wonderfully coherent picture of who we are meant to be as integrated human persons. It sheds light on how God made us, how we are made to thrive together in community, why we have certain weaknesses, and why we struggle in our relationships. The tradition also points to how we can grow in virtue, overcome our faults, and live our friendships with greater excellence.

Take, for example, the four classical human virtues known as the cardinal virtues, which are at the heart of this book: prudence, fortitude, temperance, and justice. The word “cardinal” in Latin means “hinge.” These four virtues are called “cardinal” (“hinge”) because all other human virtues can be seen as subcategories of these foundational four. Some of the wisest thinkers in the history of humanity and the Bible itself saw that a successful life depends largely on how well we live these four cardinal virtues. One could say our lives “hinge” on them.

Yet most people today are not striving to grow in these virtues that are so crucial for the art of living. Many parents, educators, and leaders are not systematically training the next generation in these virtues. And it’s no wonder: most human beings today, unfortunately, are not even aware of the four cardinal virtues!

But you, likely, are different. If you’re reading this, it’s probably because you already desire to become more virtuous than you are today. Something in your heart rises when you hear about “the art of living” and growing in virtue. You long to live in virtuous friendships, and you want to inspire virtue in those you love.

Going Deeper

The reflections in my book, The Art of Living: The Cardinal Virtues and the Freedom to Love, are not based on any one person’s creative musings about virtue or favorite virtues to talk about. I hope to bring you into something much bigger than anything one theologian could come up with on his own.

Even two of the greatest thinkers on virtue— the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle (384 b.c.–322 b.c.) and the Catholic theologian and Doctor of the Church Saint Thomas Aquinas (a.d. 1225–1274)— were not teaching in a vacuum and coming up with lists of what they thought were the most important virtues for life. They had entered a tradition that had come before them.

They each were stepping into a much larger story about the virtuous life that had already been shaped by several generations of wise teachers and philosophers that preceded them. I aim to bring you into that story—into the rich tradition of the virtues— and to do so in a way that is easily accessible to the everyday reader and that inspires, challenges, and encourages you to live virtuous friendship more in your daily life.

So, if you are longing for virtue to take deep roots in your soul and bear fruit in your life; if you’re striving to go against the current of the culture, to take on the character of Christ, and to be transformed “into his likeness from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor 3:18); if you’re striving for a deeper and longer- lasting transformation in the way you live your faith, friendships, dating relationships, marriage, and family, then join me as we begin this adventure of rediscovering the great tradition of the virtues and the art of living.

This article is based on Edward Sri’s The Art of Living: The Cardinal Virtues and the Freedom to Love (Ignatius Press/Augustine Institute).

Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, “The New Evangelization: Building the Civilization of Love,” Address to Catechists and Religion Teachers, Jubilee of Catechists (December 12, 2000).

When speaking at marriage retreats, I like asking the married couples two questions: “How many of you value your spouse?” At this, all of them raise their hands. Then I ask a second question: “How many of you do things that hurt your spouse?” Most laugh, and then all the hands go up again.

It’s one thing to say that I value my spouse, children, friends, and God. And I may genuinely intend to love them all. But it’s another thing to be a good husband, father, friend, and Christian. If I want to give the best of myself in all these relationships, I must have virtue.

Virtues are so much more than values. We can have the noblest of ideals and most sincere of intentions but still fall short of who we’d like to be. We can say, for example, that we value prayer but fail to take time consistently, every day, for it. We can say we value our children but still get grumpy and lose our temper with them when they have a meltdown.

We may truly value purity and chastity but still struggle to guard our eyes and thoughts. We might say we entrust our lives to God’s providential care but still find ourselves struggling with fear, anxiety, or discouragement when things get hard in life. Having good values or noble aspirations for living a good life is not enough. We need virtue.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines virtue as “an habitual and firm disposition to do the good” (1803). Think of virtue as a certain excellence or disposition that equips us to love God and neighbor easily, as if it were second nature. Just as various sports, arts, and trades require certain habits, abilities, and skills, so the art of living requires virtue. The virtues are the fundamental dispositions we need to live our relationships with God and neighbor with excellence. As the Catechism explains, the virtues enable us to “give the best of” ourselves to the people in our lives and to all that we do (1803).

The Question of Virtue

I’ve always been fascinated by flying. As a child, I loved going to the airport and seeing planes take off and come in for landing. And when onboard, I always wanted to sit by the window so that I could be enthralled by the fact that the clouds in the sky were now below me. To this day, while most frequent flyers prefer the aisle seat, I still sometimes choose the window because of how in awe I am about being in flight.

Now, let me ask you this question: Even though I have a passion for flying, would you ever want to get into an airplane with me at the controls? No way! I do not have the skills of a pilot. No matter how much I value flying, if I don’t have the skills to fly a plane, you don’t want to get onboard with me in the cockpit!

Similarly, in my childhood, I was fascinated by the idea of doctors performing surgery. My father was a surgeon, and I grew up watching him take care of his patients and looking at anatomy books and photos of surgical procedures. I admired my dad’s work and continue to place such doctors in high esteem. However, would you want to get on the operating table with me as your surgeon just because I value surgery so much? Hardly. People may call me Dr. Sri, but I’m not that kind of doctor! Since I never went to medical school and do not possess the skills of a surgeon, you don’t want me performing your operation.

This is all common sense. No one would ever get into an airplane with someone who didn’t have the skills of flying. And no one would ever hop on the operating table with someone who didn’t possess the skills of surgery. Yet many people today jump into friendships, business partnerships, dating relationships, and even marriages without ever asking the fundamental questions of virtue!

Does this person have the virtue necessary to live this relationship well? Does this person possess patience, generosity, humility, courage, and self-control? Do I possess those virtues? Am I ready for this relationship? In what areas am I personally falling short? If I want to be a man who is a reliable, good friend, colleague, husband, and father, I need virtue to enable me to love the people in my life the way God intends me to love them.

Anyone can say, “I love you.” Some people might sincerely mean it. But only a few actually have the character—t he virtue— to be a reliable friend and love the people in their lives. If we want to be the kind of people who truly love, who give the best of ourselves to others, then we must be constantly seeking to grow in virtue.

The Freedom to Love

This is an important point. When I was younger and heard people at church talk about the virtues, I had an individualistic view of the virtuous life. I had the mistaken impression that virtue was something good for merely my own soul: for my moral development or my spiritual life. Humility, piety, kindness, prudence, temperance—t hese and other virtues seemed to be simply good qualities every Catholic was supposed to have in order to be a good Christian. Virtues were like badges that made you a good “Boy Scout” for God.

Virtue, however, should be understood relationally. The virtues are not important for merely one’s own life; they are the habitual dispositions we need to love God and the people God has placed in our lives. Virtue gives us the freedom to love. When we possess virtue, we have the ability to give the best of ourselves to God and others. And our lack of virtue in certain areas doesn’t harm just us; it negatively affects the people close to us. They will suffer the consequences of our lack of virtue.

If I lack in generosity, for example, I will do selfish things that hurt my spouse. If I easily get frustrated and angry and lose my temper, the people around me will suffer. If I lack prudence and don’t think things through, other people will be affected by my lack of foresight.

If I don’t have self-control and constantly look at my phone at every beep, buzz, and notification, I am unable to look my children in the eyes and give them the love and attention they need from me. If I am prone to being discouraged, overwhelmed, or anxious, I will tend to be focused on myself—m y troubles, my fears, my decisions— and likely transfer my stress to others and be unable to give the best of myself to the people around me.

This is the most tragic thing about my deficiency in virtue: to the extent that I lack in virtue, I am not free to love. No matter how much I may desire to be a good son of God, a good husband to my wife, and a good father to my children, without virtue— the fundamental dispositions that enable me to love— I will not consistently give the best of myself to them.

Beth: Marriage has a way of drawing out the best and the worst of us—and that’s all a part of the beautiful process of what God wants to do in us through this sacrament. It reminds me of bone broth.

Each December, we buy from some Benedictine sisters here in Colorado half a cow’s worth of beef to freeze for the year for our large family. Each year, the sisters ask if we want the soup bones, and I enthusiastically say, “Yes! We can use them to make bone broth!”

Bone broth is amazing. It contains many important vitamins and minerals, and it’s so good for you, especially when you are sick. But it takes a long time to make. You have to soak the bones in vinegar for a while and then put them in a pot with seasoning and water and let it simmer for twenty-four hours. The slow simmer gradually pulls all the good nutrients out of the bones and they become part of the broth. But the simmer also pulls out the bad stuff: over time, all the nasty impurities—the scum—from the bones rise to the surface, and you have to scrape it off to have the healthy bone broth to serve.

This is exactly what marriage is. Marriage is the slow simmer of God drawing out of us all that is good. But in the process, the bad stuff in us also has to come out—our sins, weaknesses, bad habits, hurts from the past, dysfunctional ways of interacting with others—all that has to be brought to the surface and scraped off.

Over the course of many years—through the daily joys and difficulties, kindnesses and hurts, disappointments and unexpected acts of service, acts of sacrifice, acts of love—God is slowly drawing out all the good in my husband and all the good in me. The Lord is also pulling out all that is bad in him and all that is bad in me, so that we can be purified together.

“The Little Way of Marriage”

But we do not always see this beautiful process of purification and healing in the midst of the daily struggles of marriage and family life, when we feel exhausted and stretched like never before. So, if you ever happen to face a “Dark Night” in your marriage, do not panic. Be assured that almost all devout Catholic couples have certain low moments when they wonder, “Why is this happening?” “How did we get here?” “Why is this so hard?”

 In those moments, realize that you are exactly where you need to be. This is not an accident, some big mistake. Jesus knew when you said “I do” that this dark night of suffering would come. He knew he wanted to step into your marriage in a more profound way at this point. He wants to meet you in this moment and draw more good out of you. And he may also want to bring to the surface some things in you that need to be purified—some scum that needs to be scraped away so you can be transformed and healed. Are you willing to meet Jesus in this way in your marriage?

When we feel completely stretched in marriage and family life, when we experience our poverty in a very real, profound way and we come to know deep in our hearts the truth that we don’t have what it takes to live this vocation—when we reach a low point and feel empty and have nothing left to give—it is then that Jesus can do his most amazing work in us, transforming us and our marriages in the most profound way. We call this “the Little Way of Marriage.” When we cry out to the Lord in our emptiness, he can’t help but come down and fill that spot, fill that.

The key is admitting we’re broken, confused, and hurt and giving the Lord permission to step more deeply into our individual souls and our relationship together as a couple. Jesus can’t hold back when we cry out to him. He meets us in our weaknesses and helps make up for what we lack.

This book is about this journey of transformation God wants to take us on in our marriages as we step-by-step learn to take on the heart of Christ. For that is what marriage is about. God did not bring us together as husband and wife so that he can make me feel good about myself, make me feel not alone, fulfill me, or make me happy.

This is not what a vocation is. A vocation is not about what someone does for me. It’s about giving myself away in love and finding a deeper purpose, meaning, healing, happiness, and holiness precisely through the thousand daily little acts of service and sacrifice that real love demands. Again, it’s all about the bone broth. A truly simmering marriage isn’t about rekindling romantic feelings and passions. It is about humbly allowing Jesus to draw all the good out of us through the challenges of the spousal relationship and allowing him to bring to the surface the weaknesses, wounds, and sins he wants to heal in us. It is all about that process of deepening and purifying our love.

This article is based on Edward and Beth Sri’s book, The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful: The Joys and Struggles of Real Married Life (Ascension Press).

There is a journey God wants to take you on in marriage. He uses your vocation, more than almost anything else, to form you, shape you, mold you, sanctify you. Jesus doesn’t just want to meet you in the chapel, in the sacraments, or in your daily prayer time. One of the most important places Jesus wants to meet you is in your vocation—in your spouse and children. It is the main instrument Jesus uses to draw your attention to your imperfections, work on your weaknesses and sins, and invite you to grow in virtue. It’s the key setting in which he calls you to be healed of your wounds and makes you whole. Most of all, it’s the number one place he sanctifies you, calling you to love like he loves.

Edward: When I was single, I heard the idea that Christian marriage is all about getting your spouse to heaven. So, when Beth and I got engaged, that noble ideal inspired me. I wanted to take my role as a Christian husband very seriously: I envisioned living my married days praying for Beth, praying with Beth, making little sacrifices for her, and making sure that she prayed every day and had time for faith formation in her women’s group and frequented the sacraments. I would be an amazing Catholic husband, leading my family in prayer, in catechesis, and most of all by my example. I was going to be a spiritual leader in our home. “That’s my mission, after all—to help Beth get to heaven!”

Over time, however, I realized that the main way I help Beth get to heaven has little to do with my high ideals of being a great Catholic husband and spiritual leader in the home. The main way I actually help Beth get to heaven is this: every day of her life, Beth has to deal with me!

Every day, she has to deal with my many imperfections, faults, and sins. My forgetfulness. My impatience. My selfishness. My pride. My quirks and idiosyncrasies. She has to deal with me hurting her or letting her down—when I say something with that tone of voice. When I forget to say thank you. When I’m overwhelmed and dump my stress on her. When I don’t think things through as carefully as I should. Given the many weaknesses she has to encounter in me every day, I’m sure Beth gets many centuries off of purgatory!

I say this in a somewhat joking way, but there is a profound truth to this. In marriage, God brings two fallen human beings together for this intense, lifelong union. In that union, all our imperfections come out. We often misunderstand each other. We hurt each other. We let each other down. In marriage and family life, we have countless opportunities to love as Jesus loves us. To love freely, completely like he did—even when he got nothing back in return. Think about how Jesus felt on Good Friday, which is when he modeled love for us the most. He felt forgotten, unappreciated, misunderstood, misrepresented, uncared for, unloved, controlled, hurt, ridiculed, rejected, abandoned. Many of those same feelings and trials are experienced in marriage. We need to view these not merely as frustrating situations but as encounter moments—opportunities to encounter Jesus and love him in our spouse.

This article is based on Edward and Beth Sri’s book, The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful: The Joys and Struggles of Real Married Life (Ascension Press).

Edward: A friend of mine was in the sacristy of the church on his wedding day, waiting alone in the final minutes before the ceremony began. His best man came to check on him one last time. The best man, who had been married with children for several years, walked into the sacristy, gave the groom a serious stare for a few moments, and then started laughing at him.

Perplexed, the groom asked, “I’m about to get married … Why are you laughing at me?”

The best man replied, “That’s just it—you don’t know!”

That’s true for all of us. We don’t know what we’re really getting into when we get married. Indeed, nothing can fully prepare us for all the realities we will face in our vocation. We have to be thrown deep into the mystery of the other person, and the mystery of our relationship together, to appreciate what it’s really all about—the joys, the sorrows, the unexpected trials, the unanticipated blessings; how much it will demand of us; how much it will transform us; how we will be stretched like never before; and how much our hearts will expand as we take on the heart of Christ.

In our years of working with young people, Beth and I have heard many devout Catholic couples express how surprised they were when stresses, tensions, and hurts came up in their relationship. This can happen a few months, a few years, or a few kids into their marriage. They were not expecting this level of difficulty, and they think they’re the only ones struggling.

“No one ever told us how hard marriage really is.”

“Before we were married, we thought to ourselves, ‘Our faith is important to us. We pray, we love Jesus, we go to adoration … Our marriage will be great …’ But we were shocked that we could have all that and still have many struggles in our marriage.”

“Two very different people—who think differently, look at the world differently, communicate differently, process things differently—coming together for this relationship? It’s crazy hard!”

“I never realized how selfish I was … until I got married.”

You can go through the best marriage preparation program; pray countless rosaries, novenas, and holy hours for your marriage; study the Church’s teachings on marriage and family; have amazing mentor couples to learn from; and even memorize the Theology of the Body … and you still will not have any idea of what marriage is really all about and what it will do to you until you are deep into it.

This is both the beauty and the challenge of marriage. St. Francis de Sales underscores how marriage is the only vocation in which people take a vow before any kind of novitiate. In religious life, there is a long period of preparation, formation, and much practical experience in living with the community one is entering. A novice gets to try it out for a while, to see if this is what he wants to do for the rest of his life before making final vows. As St. Francis de Sales explains, marriage is vastly different. The couple is immediately thrown into the deep end together—and it is for the rest of their lives. “In marriage, one takes a vow. But it is the only instance where a vow is taken without a novitiate. If it had a year of novitiate, how few would enter into it.”

 The following saying applies most beautifully to marriage: “You build a life, and then it builds you.” This is what happens when man and woman come together in the sacrament of Matrimony. They decide to build a life together in marriage. And that decision—and the daily commitment to be faithful to that decision—is what God uses to form and bless the couple more than anything else in their lives. Indeed, it is precisely through the challenges, difficulties, and trials of ordinary, daily married life that God wants to transform us with his love and make us more like him.

This article is based on Edward and Beth Sri’s book, The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful: The Joys and Struggles of Real Married Life (Ascension Press).

The Pocket Guide to the Stations of the Cross invites Catholics to discover the depths of Christ’s love shown to us by his passion and death. In this beautiful book, readers will find a guide to accompany them and help them meditate on Christ’s Passion.

Edward Sri, author and presenter of the popular Ascension studies No Greater Love and A Biblical Walk Through the Mass, explains the origins of this ancient devotion and gives powerful original meditations for each station.

Within this small but impactful book, Catholics will encounter:

Gorgeous, classic artwork for every station to help meditate on the passion of ChristNew reflections on the scriptural Stations of the CrossNew reflections on the traditional Stations of the CrossThe origins of the Stations of the CrossWhy the Stations of the Cross are not just for Lent

Its small size, place-marking ribbon, and durable Alpha Cowhide cover make the Pocket Guide to the Stations of the Cross perfect to bring with you during Lent, on Fridays, or anytime you want to pray this age-old devotion.

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Why is it called “Stations” of the Cross?

In English, the word “stations” refers to places people stop as they wait for the next step in their journey. We might think of a train or bus station—a place where we wait for a vehicle to come and take us to our destination.

The Stations of the Cross devotion is called “Stations” because it invites us to wait on the Lord in our own journey of faith. We are pilgrims on the way to heaven, and this devotion helps us walk closely with Jesus so that we may be ever more conformed to the Way of Love, which is the Way of the Cross.

The devotion engages the whole person—body, mind, and soul.

Stations—Worship with Your Body

It is a physical exercise: We move, stop, make the Sign of the Cross, kneel, stand again, listen, and reply. All the moving, stopping, falling to our knees, and rising up again as we trace the Sign of the Cross over our bodies recalls Jesus on his way to Calvary. He fell, got up again, listened to others, and replied to them. Jesus had many “stations” on his way to Golgotha. He was stopped by his accusers, stopped by his own weakness, and stopped by his own love for the people he met along the way.

So it is fitting that we move from station to station, rising and falling and rising again as we cross ourselves and remember Jesus’ own Way of the Cross. We are incarnate beings, and what we do in our bodies expresses our interior life and helps us respond more reverently and ardently to Christ’s love.

Stations—Worship with your Mind

The Stations of the Cross devotion is also a mental exercise: Our mind reflects on what Jesus reveals in each station. We see an image related to each station in a book or on the church walls. We hear the leader read a reflection on the scene.

All this helps fill our minds with the truth of what Jesus did for us on this day, and we penetrate more deeply the mystery of his love that each mystery unveils.

Stations—Worship with all your Soul

Finally, this devotion is a profound spiritual exercise. Hopefully, we are not just going through the motions, rattling off words and moving robotically from station to station around the church. We know we have prayed the Stations well when the devotion facilitates a deeper personal encounter with Christ—when we are drawn to love and sacrifice more, when we are stirred to tell Jesus we are sorry and repent of a certain sin, and when we more deeply realize his amazing love for us.

Basically, the goal of the Stations is to help transform our hearts. They are not just meant to be prayed; they are meant to be re-lived in each of our lives. Jesus wants to walk his steps to Calvary, his steps of love, over and over again in each of our hearts.

This article is based on Edward Sri’s book Pocket Guide to Stations of the Cross (Ascension Press)