Ron Luciano

“Never being a person satisfied to create a small disaster when I could just as easily create a catastrophe, I realized I was about to embarrass myself on national television. There are people who claim I didn't know what I was doing as a football player. They're wrong. There are people who claim I didn't know what I was doing as an umpire. They're wrong. But I knew I didn't know what I was doing in that booth, and within ten minutes the entire nation was going to find out.

I glanced over my shoulder. A burly sound technician was blocking the door. There was no way out.”
― Ron Luciano, The Umpire Strikes Back