Jennifer Flanders's Blog

Several years ago, I published a post entitled “Give Thanks with a Grateful Heart.” Since that time, I’ve had several requests from readers urging me to turn those thoughts into a free printable prayer and add it to my growing collection of prayer guides.

This year, I did exactly that. So today, I’m sharing this Prayer of Thanks. I hope it will help you to cultivate an attitude of gratitude this holiday season.

click to print prayer of thanksA Prayer of Thanksgiving

The Bible tells us to “give thanks in all circumstances.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Join me in thanking God for the following six categories of blessing:

T is for Trials

“O LORD, help me to rejoice when I fall into various trials, knowing that You use such hardships to cultivate in me the fruit of Your Spirit and to conform me to the image of Christ. Help me bear up without complaint and shine as a light in this dark world. Let me feel Your presence, even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”

(James 1:2-3; Galatians 5:22; Philippians 3:9-10; Philippians 2:13-15; Psalm 23:4)

H is for Health

“God, thank You for the body You’ve given me. Help me to steward my health well. I pray You would bless me with all the strength and endurance I need to fulfill Your calling on my life — the good works You prepared beforehand for me to do. Help me be mindful of the fact I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You.

(Ephesians 2:10; 1 Peter 4:10; Romans 12:1-2; Psalm 139:13-14)

A is for Abilities

O Lord, thank You for the unique gifts and abilities You’ve given me; help me to use them wisely. Don’t let me hide or squander the talents You’ve entrusted to me, but show me how to develop, invest, and use them in service to You and my fellow man.

(Matthew 25:14-27; Proverbs 22:29; 1 Peter 4:10)

N is for Neighbors

O LORD, thank You for the neighbors You’ve given me. Please help me to love them as I love myself. As far as it depends on me, help me to live in peace with them. May I uplift & encourage those who know You and point to Jesus those who don’t. May I consider others as more important than myself and put their needs ahead of my own.

(Galatians 5:14; Romans 12:18; Romans 15:1-2; Philippians 2:3-4)

K is for Kindnesses

God, thank You for all Your tender mercies toward me. Your lovingkindness is everlasting! May I never take it for granted, nor the kindnesses shown to me by others. Give me a heart of gratitude, humility, and compassion, and make me quick to extend kindness and offer encouragement to everyone I meet.

(Lamentations 3:22-23; Psalm 118:1; Psalm 145:9; Colossians 3:16-17; Ephesians 4:32; Hebrews 10:24)

S is for Salvation

Thank You, LORD, for loving me so much that You would send Jesus to die in my place. Thank you for saving me. soul, for forgiving my sin, and for cleansing me from all unrighteousness. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, O God of my salvation! You are my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, and my stronghold, and I will praise Your name forever.

(John 3:16; 1 John 1:9; Psalm 18:2; Psalm 25:5; Psalm 72:19)

More Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

The post Prayer of Thanks appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Few things stir up as much controversy or elicit as many strongly held opinions in church circles this time of year as the question of how Christians should handle Halloween.

Today, we’re looking at what the Bible has to say about the matter and discussing the need for extending grace to anyone who doesn’t share our viewpoint.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Titus 1:15 – “To the pure, all things are pure…”Romans 14:14 – “I am… fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself….”Ephesians 5:11 – “Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”1 Corinthians 10:20-21 – “… the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God….”Romans 13:12 – “… lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.”Matthew 5:14-16 – “…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds & glorify your Father….”Romans 14:4-6 – “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls….”Acts 17:22-23 – “…‘TO AN UNKNOWN GOD.’ What therefore you worship in ignorance, this I proclaim to you.”RELATED LINKS:How Should Christians Handle Halloween (original 2015 post on our family blog)Celebrating Reformation Day – Martin Luther quiz, 5 Solas, 95 Theses, & coloring pagesFree Printable Trick-or-Treat Tracts – 10+ designs to choose fromBeing Missional on Fright Night – article from Revive Our Hearts I mentionedBeing Confident of This –  gospel script to use while carving pumpkinsBible verse stickers – for attatching to the candy you distributeThoughts on Halloween– the Happy Home Fairy shares her perspectiveSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteHow Should We Handle Halloween?Full transcript from Episode 103

Hello, friend. Welcome to Episode 103 of Loving Life at Home. Today, I want to talk about Halloween. Because few things stir up as much controversy or elicit as many strongly held opinions in Christian circles this time of year as the question of how believers should handle this holiday.

On one hand, there are some Christians who grew up trick-or-treating and have fond memories of dressing up as favorite cartoon characters or super-heros or some other innocuous persona like fairy princesses or firefighters. They view Halloween as innocent fun and family time strolling the block, showing off their costumes, and collecting candy from the neighbors.

On the other end of the spectrum, some Christians view Halloween as a day of irredeemable darkness and devil worship from which believers should distance themselves as far as they possibly can. They want nothing to do with Halloween and view with suspicion anybody who claims to be a Christian but does not share their strong aversion to this pagan holiday and all its demonic celebrations.

And somewhere in the middle, you have believers who recognize the dangers of playing with fire but also yearn to bring the light of the gospel to those who’ve never received it, and view Halloween as an opportune time to do exactly that.

Honestly, in my 60 years on this earth, I’ve fallen into all three categories of believer at one age and stage or other. My goal is not to convince you to swap sides, wherever on this spectrum you may find yourself. Rather, I desire that you would (1) consider what – if anything – the Bible has to say on the matter and (2) patiently extend grace to anybody who isn’t presently in your same camp.

So, what does the Bible say?

Well, folks in that first, fun-loving group might point to verses like:

Titus 1:15 – “To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.”Romans 14:14 – “I am convinced and fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean.”

While people who think Halloween is of the devil and should be avoided entirely will probably cite verses like:

Ephesians 5:11 – “Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”1 Corinthians 10:20-21 – “… the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God. And I do not want you to be participants with demons. You are not able to drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You are not able to partake of the table of the Lord and of the table of demons.”Romans 13:12 – “The night is almost gone, and the day is at hand. Let us therefore lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.”

And the ones who advocate a missional approach to Halloween might refer to verses such as:

Matthew 5:14-16 – “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”Romans 14:4-6 – “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person regards a certain day above the others, while someone else considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes a special day does so to the Lord; he who eats does so to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.”

That last one is a good passage for all of us to keep in mind as we prayerfully decide how we are going to handle Halloween, both individually and – at least, when our children are younger –as a nuclear family. When they grow up and leave home, the LORD may convict them to do things differently than you did during their childhood. And you’ll need to be at peace with that fact and trust that the LORD will lead them in the way they should go, even if it looks different from the way He led you. We all need to hold our opinions on this matter with an attitude of humility.

So…Should believers reject “All Hallows Eve” or celebrate it? Ban trick-or-treating or grab their buckets and traipse door to door collecting candy along with everyone else? Ignore the day’s festivities or try to redeem them in some way? Is there a way to honor God on this holiday? A middle ground? How, exactly, should Christians handle Halloween?

Many believers wrestle with these questions, and my advice to you is to pray it through.  The same Paul who tells us, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness” also pointed to a pagan altar on Mars Hill and used it to preach the gospel.

In Acts 17:22-23 we read, “So Paul stood in the midst of the Areopagus and said, “Men of Athens, I observe that you are very religious in all respects. For while I was passing through and examining the objects of your worship, I also found an altar with this inscription, ‘TO AN UNKNOWN GOD.’ What therefore you worship in ignorance, this I proclaim to you.” (Acts 17:22-23)

Paul used the Athenian’s idolatry as a starting point to share the gospel with a bunch of pagans. And he did it right there where they were already in the habit of congregating, in the Areopagus, which the Romans called Mars Hill.

I don’t feel qualified to give a definitive answer as to whether Christians should celebrate Halloween (other than to prayerfully follow the Lord’s leading). But I can share with you how our family has handled it.

Alternatives to Trick-or-Treating

When our children were little, we were able to avoid Halloween altogether. And that’s the tack we normally took. But as they got older, we had to find new ways of navigating this holiday.

For several years running, we spent October 31 celebrating Reformation Day, instead of Halloween. We’d sing Martin Luther’s hymns, watch a biopic of his life, and do several other activities I’ve written about in a post on our family website, which I’ll link in the show notes. ItSometimes, I’d plan family vacations toward the end of October, so we’d be out of town for Halloween.On years when our church hosted a Fall Festival, we’d spend the evening attending and/or volunteering at that event.We’ve let our little ones dress up and taken them to visit elderly neighbors on Halloween night (after those same neighbors called our family in advance to tell us they’d made special treats for our children and could hardly wait to see them in costume). I felt very torn about what to do the first year that happened! In the end, I think we put our boys in their cowboy hats and bandanas and our girl in a ballet tutu just long enough to go next door for popcorn balls or candied apples. I can’t remember for sure what our elderly neighbor had made, but it seemed ungrateful to reject her kind offer.Sometimes, we’d go out to eat or see a movie before trick-or-treaters started showing up on our doorstep. (Once, before heading to the restaurant, we set a huge bowl of candy on the front porch with a note to “please take only one.” But before we ever made it out of our driveway, one greedy kid dumped the whole bowl in his sack and ran away. Jackpot!)We’ve even visited a local farm on Halloween. There we petted the animals, took a hayride through the pumpkin patch, and felt our way through a corn maze by the light of the moon.Shining as a bright light on a dark night

…But then, nearly 15 years ago, we moved to a neighborhood that has a reputation for being the best place in town for trick-or-treating. Kids would come by the busload to knock on our doors.

So I began to wonder if there might be some way to use that fact to take advantage of that situation? Some way to use Halloween to point others to Christ, just as Paul used that pagan altar to proclaim the gospel on Mars Hill? Might there be a way we way we could shine as a light in the darkness? A more mission-minded way to approach Halloween?

Sure enough, we were swamped with 1000+ visitors our first year here. We even installed extra lighting in our front yard that year and invited friends over to share the gospel with parents while we passed out candy to the kids and entertained them with a couple slight-of-hand tricks.

We stocked up on gospel tracts and about ten times as much candy as we normally buy for Halloween. Even so, we ended up having to raid the pantry for PopTarts and granola bars when we ran out of candy with a throng of costumed kids still on our porch.

The following year, we were better prepared. I designed my own cute, Halloween-themed gospel tract to pass out — along with the best candy we could afford — to the horde of Disney princesses and superheros who would soon descend upon our front porch to trick-or-treat.

We included the tract in little goody bags we assembled a couple of days in advance. That was such a fun family project – our kids loved helping fill the bags — and it made the distribution process go much more smoothly.

Some years we’ve handed the tracts out with full-sized bars. Other years we’ve assembled our treat bags in advance. Either way, I made a new trick-or-treat tract each year we lived in that neighborhood, in an effort to keep repeat customers engaged. We even translated a few of those tracts into Spanish, so as to have something to offer the Spanish speakers who came to our door. I’ve added all those designs to our family website as a free printable resource. I’ll include a link in the show notes in case you’re interested in doing something similar where you live.

What a great opportunity trick-or-treating has been to share the gospel! I like to think of it as reverse door-to-door evangelism: The crowds come to us!

Since our kids love any excuse to dress up, they don costumes to help pass out tracts and goodies to the neighborhood children (or to collect a few themselves).

I’m certainly not the first person to notice October 31 provides a ripe opportunity for sharing the gospel. Several years ago, Revive our Hearts ran an excellent article on redeeming Halloween that sums up our family’s evolving attitude toward this holiday beautifully. The article was called Being Missional on Fright Night. I’ll be sure to link it in today’s show notes.

I love the writer’s tradition of giving out King-Sized candy bars on Halloween — “because there’s no King as generous as ours.” That story was what first prompted us to do the same. It inspired me to make “King-Sized” gospel tract, just one of 10 or 12 different trick-or-treat tracts we have to choose from. As I said before, we rotate the designs from year to year, so neighbors won’t get the same tract in their bag every October.

Other great ideas for being mission-minded on HalloweenShare the gospel while carving pumpkins – You’ll find a great script for this activity on the blog Being Confident of This, which I’ll link in the show notes.Or, you can add Bible verse stickers to the candy you distribute – The Happy Home Fairy offers free printable gospel stickers you can make at home. I love her thoughts on Halloween post, too. I’ll link both those resources in the show notes, as well.Another idea is to Pass out bottled water on Halloween night. – Man a water station at a busy corner of your neighborhood and offer drinks to passing trick-or-treaters and their parents, then use that opportunity to tell them where to find living water. I’m pretty sure our church has sponsored a bunch of water tables in popular trick-or-treating neighborhoods over the years.Don’t wait for your neighbors to come to you – If your children will be trick-or-treating themselves this year, why not let them take some tracts to give as thank-yous to neighbors who leave their porch lights on?Turn the day into a history lesson – Teach your kids about Reformation Day, then use our free Martin Luther multiple choice test to quiz them on what they learned. I’ll link both those resources in today’s show notes.Of course, lots of churches sponsor fall festivals or trunk-or-treat events as a way to draw in families from the community and share the gospel while also providing a fun and safe alternative to going door-to-door.

We moved out of that popular neighborhood about 3-4 years ago, and we haven’t had any trick-or-treaters at all where we live now. I don’t know whether that is how it has always been in our current neck of the woods or if trick-or-treating has fallen by the wayside in the wake of COVID like so many other fun things, including factory tours and Cow-Appreciation Day and Kids-Eat-Free nights at local restaurants. But that’s another episode for another day.

In the meantime, tell me: How does your family handle Halloween? Do you hide from it? Run with it? Redeem it for the glory of God and the furtherance of the gospel? I’d love to hear your thoughts if you have time. Just shoot me an email to let me know

And however you choose to pass the 31st, I hope it’s a blessed and beautiful day for you and your family. Thanks for listening!

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The post EP 103: How Should Christians Handle Halloween? appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought this would be a great time to share another of my free printable prayer guides. This one is a prayer for cancer patients, to help you pray for people you know and love who’ve been diagnosed with this dread disease.

As a breast cancer survivor myself now, I’ve been so very grateful for all the prayers of family members and friends (and friends of family members ) and fellow homeschoolers and church members and medical providers and blog readers and newsletter subscribers and podcast listeners — the list goes on and on!

It was such an encouragement to know — especially in those first days and weeks after diagnosis when my head was swirling with so many unanswered questions and frightening uncertainties — that so many people from all over the globe were petitioning the Throne of Grace on my behalf.

And so, today, I’m sharing a pretty new printable prayer guide full of all the kinds of things people prayed for me and that I now pray for other friends who are engaged in their own fight against cancer in any of its forms.

I hope neither you nor any of your loved ones ever have to face such a diagnosis, but if you do, this is how I would pray for you in the midst of it:

A Prayer for Those with Cancer

LORD, I faithfully lift up my friends & family members with cancer & ask that You, as the Great Physician, would…

C: Calm their fears

LORD, teach them to cast all their burdens & worries at the foot of the cross & leave them there. In place of their anxiety, grant them peace that surpasses understanding. (Psalm 55:22; 1 Peter 5:7; Philippians 4:7)

A: Answer their questions

Grant them wisdom as they research all their options. Answer when they call upon You & show them things they don’t know. Lead them in the way they should go. (James 1:5; Jeremiah 33:3; Psalm 25:5, 9)

N: Nurture their faith

Use this trial to grow & deepen their faith. Draw close & comfort them in their affliction. Help them to trust in You & affirm your goodness at all times. (Colossians 2:6-7; James 4:8; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Nahum 1:7)

C: Coordinate their care

Give their caregivers insight & understanding. Move believing friends to pray on their behalf. Help their doctors listen to concerns & clearly explain treatment plans. (Proverbs 2:6; Colossians 1:9; Romans 12:12; James 1:19)

E: Ease their suffering

God, have mercy upon them, give them grace to endure their pain until You eliminate it entirely. Soothe their troubled spirit & wipe every tear from their eyes. (Psalm 30:10; 2 Corinthians 12:9; Proverbs 18:14; Revelation 21:4)

R: Restore their health

LORD, bind up their wounds. Bolster their immune system to work as You designed. You alone can heal completely & deserve all glory for doing so. (Matthew 15:30-31; Mark 2:17; Psalm 147:3, Psalm 139:13-16; Romans 11:36)

click to print prayer for cancer patientsMore Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

The post A Prayer for Cancer Patients appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

My daughter eloped last week, and I couldn’t be more delighted. Yet some of my friends are baffled by this reaction. So I’m unpacking the reasons I think it was a smart move on this week’s episode of Loving Life at Home. Listen in and let me know what you think!

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Ephesians 3:20 – “…able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think….”Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing ….” 1 Corinthians 7:9 – “…it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” James 1:17 – “Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above….”RELATED LINKS:Love Your Husband, Love Yourself – the marriage book I wrote & gave my daughter“When It Comes to Weddings, Does Cost Really Matter?” – article in Psychology Today STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteMy Daughter Just Eloped Full Transcript from Episode 102

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Episode 102 of Loving Life at Home. I have some very exciting news to share this week. I spent 5 days in Kansas last week cheering on my youngest daughter, Abby, who was competing in a national volleyball tournament. Her JV team won first place in their division, by the way. That’s cool, of course, but that’s not the biggest surprise.

The real news is that, while we were out of town at the tournament, my next oldest daughter, Abby’s sister Rachel, was back at home, appearing before the justice of the peace to get married to a young man named Micah, whom she had only known for 10 weeks the day they wed.

When I’ve told people about my daughter’s elopement, they’ve all seemed astonished. They cannot imagine how, as the mother of the bride, I am not only okay with all this, but am genuinely delighted.

So, I thought I’d use my podcast episode this week to discuss the reasons behind my reaction, of which I can think of at least half a dozen, right off the top of my head:

1. It was an answer to prayer.

First of all, I view Micah as an answer to prayer. And I’ve been a Christian long enough to realize God does not always answer our prayers in the conventional ways we would envision or expect. Rarely does He do things exactly as we might’ve planned them ourselves, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t hard at work behind the scenes orchestrating all of it according to His divine plan and in His perfect timing.

The fact is, we’ve been praying that the LORD would send each of our girls a godly man who would cherish and protect her and be a strong spiritual leader and a devoted husband to his wife and a loving father to their children.

And I’m convinced God has faithfully answered those prayers for Rachel in sending Micah into her life – in fact, as Ephesians 3:20 observes, He has done “exceedingly abundantly beyond all we ask or think.”

Moreover, he has done the same thing for Micah. He and his family have undoubtedly been praying for his future spouse just as fervently. Proverbs 18:22 tells us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – and that is exactly what Rachel is to him: a good wife and the answer to all those many prayers.

2. He showed initiative.

Second, I’m so grateful to see a young man who willingly takes the initiative. He finished college, got a job, and was ready to find a wife. And with God’s blessing, that’s exactly what he did. And I’m glad!

A lot of men at that age and stage drag their feet.

Maybe they’re just content with the status quo. Maybe they’re worried about taking on the responsibility of a family – that’s a big commitment, after all. Maybe they’ve tried in the past and feel gun-shy after too many girls – or even just one — did not accept the date or return the affection or share the same level of interest in building a future together. Maybe they are addicted to things that have dampened their natural drive in this area. Maybe they’ve not yet met a girl they’d like to spend the rest of their life with. Maybe they’re paralyzed by a seemingly endless supply of choices, so they keep swiping left.

It could be a combination of these things or something entirely different.

The point is, when you encounter a young man who knows exactly what he’s looking for and is willing to put in the work to pursue it with his whole heart, it is like a breath of fresh air.

3. We knew his family.

Of course, it helped that — third — we’d already met several members of his family, including both his parents and several siblings.

Several years ago, I hosted a bridal shower for the daughter of a friend of ours who just happened to be engaged to Micah’s brother. So I met his mother and brother and a couple of sisters at that wedding shower and was so impressed with all of them.  

Then about two weeks after that shower, my husband and I hosted a political fundraiser in our home for another friend, and Micah’s father was on that guest list. We really liked him, as well. He’d been in the military, just like my husband. And he and his wife had twelve children, just like Doug and I do (in fact, Micah and Rachel were both #8 of 12 in birth order – what are the odds of that?)

We tried at the time to invite the whole family over for dinner, but I only had contact information for the husband, so I emailed or texted him trying to get through to his wife, but I’m sure the text got lost in the shuffle – which is understandable, since they were in the middle of planning a wedding at the time. However, I felt weird about messaging a married man a second time, so I never pursued it again after that.

But, fast forward five years, and my friend whose daughter married Micah’s brother, ended up setting  Micah up with Rachel.

Rachel had moved to Germany to work as an au pair and was finishing out the last two weeks of her contract. But the minute Micah got her phone number, he texted Rachel and asked whether she’d be willing to visit with him on the phone. Which I’m pretty sure they did every day for those last two weeks – taking turns staying up late or getting up super early in the morning to video chat across time zones during non-working hours.

Micah was so clear about his intentions from the get-go and asked Rachel before she ever flew home whether he should call her dad and ask permission to date her. I know a lot of people – evidently including a few in my own family — who think you should date for at least a year before tying the knot, but in all fairness, Micah and Rachel crammed about a year’s worth of dating into two months because, once she was back state-side, they went out nearly every day – I think they only missed seeing each other two days in eight weeks, when one of them was out of town — and often multiple times a day – breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

Of course, they had a lot of great conversations during all those dates, and it quickly became apparent that their goals for their future aligned perfectly, so neither my husband nor I was surprised when Micah called a week ago to ask for our blessing on their decision to marry.

Which, of course, we gladly gave.

Actually, he asked for my husband’s blessing, because I was already asleep in bed when he called. And he assured Doug he had fully planned to ask for our blessing in person, but he was out of town and just wanted to get the go ahead right then and there.

He told Doug he loves our daughter and wants to spend the rest of his life with her and, by the way, would it be okay with us if they just eloped?

Doug told him that was okay with us as long as it was okay with Rachel, which it was. She had confided to her own sisters back in March – long before she had ever even met Micah – that she’d be willing to forgo a fancy wedding and an exotic honeymoon if it meant she could get married and start having babies sooner. And, guess what? Eight months later, she got her wish!

Well, Rachel was with Micah when he called. They and several of his siblings had driven to Indiana together to attend a friend’s wedding. So, we really thought they might come home married, because in Indinana, there is no forced cooling off period between filing for a marriage license and going before the justice of the peace. In Texas, you have to wait 72 hours between getting your license and actually getting married. But in Indiana, you can do both in a single trip to the courthouse.

Unfortunately for Micah and Rachel, they didn’t realize that. And Micah also didn’t realize he had her ring with him in the car. He had ordered it a couple of weeks earlier, and it arrived in the mail right before they let. But Rachel drove up before Micah’s sister could hand it off, and when she tried to do so later when Rachel wasn’t looking, Micah didn’t understand and just tossed the package in the back of the car with the rest of the luggage and told everyone it was time to hit the road.

So, really, they could’ve been married even sooner. Although Rachel says that might’ve made the ride home a little awkward –newlyweds in the front seat, younger brothers and sisters in the back.

So they filed for the license the morning after they made it home after taking engagement photos on the same lake where they’d had their first date two months earlier. I asked Rachel if Micah proposed in the canoe they’d previously paddled, and she said he popped the question on shore, instead. Which was a smart move. Can’t you just imagine how easily the canoe would tip when he took a knee, and how quickly that diamond would sink to the bottom of the lake if it slipped out of his hand before he got it on her finger?

But Micah’s a mechanical engineer and is way too smart for taking an unnecessary risk like that.

Anyway, they filed for their marriage license at 10:15 on Tuesday—but when Micah requested a 10:15 appointment with the justice of the peace on Friday (exactly 72 hours later), the clerk laughed and told him appointments were only available in half-hour increments, so they’d have to wait until 10:30!

4. They were trying to obey Scripture.

A fourth reason I was happy for my daughter to elope is given in 1 Corinthians 7:9, where Paul writes: “…it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

The Bible is clear in its teaching that sex is something God designed for couples to enjoy only within the confines of marriage. And men and women who uphold such a standard will naturally feel a greater sense of urgency for tying the knot than those who don’t. That tension of wanting to be together but also wanting to do things in the proper order is a great motivator toward marriage – and that is also why it’s so important not to spend time dating anyone you wouldn’t be willing to marry. Because the more time you spend one-on-one with a person of the opposite sex, the greater the risk you’ll fall in love with them. Which is a dangerous thing to do with somebody who doesn’t share your life goals and core values.

Fortunately, Micah and Rachel were on the same page in all those important areas – values, beliefs, goals, standards, and a willingness to commit their life and love to one another just as soon as they’d talked through all those other areas and made sure they were fully aligned.

And once that figured out they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, they wanted to get busy doing exactly that.

Which leads me to the fifth reason I’m so happy about their elopement, which is the fact they share a deep desire for building a family.

5. They’re eager to start a family.

They both want to have babies – and lots of them – starting right away. And they both want to homeschool them when the time comes.

As someone who got pregnant two weeks into my own honeymoon then spent the next quarter century either pregnant or nursing or both, all the while homeschooling the children God blessed me and my husband with, I wholeheartedly approve this plan.

But, here again, couples who do not fully embrace God’s purpose for passion in marriage end up missing out. I actually wrote a book on this topic called Love Your Husband, Love Yourself – it’s a “why to” book, not a “how to” — and I gave Rachel a copy about three days before her scheduled elopement. I’ll be sure to link it in the show notes.

Interestingly, I recently read another marriage book and was a little baffled by the author’s short list of the purposes of physical intimacy: it included “fun” and “closeness” but did not so much as mention reproduction. While it is definitely true that sex can draw a couple close and can also be lots of fun, those authors missed a huge piece of the puzzle by not including procreation as one of the primary purposes of sexual intercourse. Without it, the human race would’ve died out long ago. Closeness and fun are more like fringe benefits, as is stress relief.

Which brings me to the sixth reason I’m happy my daughter eloped. And that’s the fact that eloping can be a very low stress way to tie the knot.

6. They skipped the stress & expense.

As of last week, six of our twelve children are now married. That’s fully half of our kids now who’ve found wonderful spouses. And fully half of those eloped before their formal wedding ceremony.

For them, that ceremony was just a public celebration with friends and family of the commitment they’d already made and had begun living out in private. And I’m okay with that.

Weddings have become such elaborate – and expensive — affairs.  Some brides spend years planning “the perfect” wedding. They have dream dresses and Pinterest boards and wedding planners and lavish venues and bachelorette parties and florists and photographers and caterers and hair and makeup specialists and endless guest lists and I don’t know what else.

And if those things are important to you and you can afford them, that’s fine. But we shouldn’t pretend that such fanfare is really necessary or makes you any more genuinely married than a quick visit to the justice of the peace.

In fact, some studies “indicate that there is an inverse relationship between cost of the wedding and length of the marriage… the more you spend, the higher your risk for divorce.”

That’s not very reassuring, is it?

Part of the problem may be the high expectations and feelings of let down that follow – regular, day-to-day life feels a bit boring after being the center of attention on such a big day.

Part of the problem may be the debt such over-the-top celebrations incur.

Part may be the stress a huge wedding puts on everyone involved.

Part may be due to the fact so much thought and energy is put into the big day that little attention was left for the life that would follow. Almost like the wedding day was a finish line for all the preparations leading up to it, rather than the starting line for the marriage it was meant to celebrate.

Whatever the underlying dynamics, researchers from Emory University report that “women whose weddings cost $20,000 or more were 3.5 times more likely to end up divorced than women who spend a more modest $5,000 to $10,000. Moreover, those who spent $1,000 or less on a wedding (men or women) were at an even lower risk of divorce.”

This study, as well as the one I’m about to tell you about were both cited in a Psychology Today article I’ll link in the show notes, in case you’re interested in reading more.

The second study was done by researchers at the University of Virginia. They looked at the guest list instead of the total spend and found that not only is “having a formal wedding associated with happier marriages” but that the more guests a couple has at their wedding ceremony,  the better their marriage tends to fare.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be either-or.

My kids – including Rachel and Micah — have opted for the best of both worlds. Even the ones who eloped still had formal ceremonies. They were all beautifully unique but also very budget friendly: Church weddings. Second-hand gowns. Homemade cakes. Backyard receptions, and the like.

My husband and I took the same tack when we married. I sewed my own dress and made all the bouquets and boutonnieres for the wedding, and had one friend take my bridal portraits and another videotape the ceremony. My mother sewed my petticoat from scratch, made fruit and cheese platters for the reception, and had her Sunday school class cook and serve spaghetti for the rehearsal dinner.

I’ve attended lots of other weddings that were joint efforts as well. I remember one reception, in particular, where instead of a traditional white wedding cake, they offered a lovely selection of bundt cakes that friends of the bride had baked, all displayed beautifully on a variety of crystal cake stands interspersed with twinkling white Christmas lights. Isn’t that brilliant?

Certainly, this is more akin to the wedding ceremonies many of our grandparents enjoyed. Many of them got married in their Sunday best – no white lace dress, no matching bridesmaids, no Pinterest-perfect receptions. And yet the majority of marriages in that generation lasted until death claimed one or both of the spouses.

As for Rachel and Micah, they are happily planning a formal wedding ceremony to take place in November while all their siblings are gathered for Thanksgiving. That will be well over 80 people, just between both their immediate families. Add in a few faithful friends, and it will be a wonderful celebration, I’m sure.

And the nice thing is, if it turns into a late night and they feel totally exhausted once the ceremony is over and all the guests have gone home – as is the case for a lot of brides and grooms — it won’t really matter, because by that time, they will have already enjoyed a six-week long honeymoon and, if they need to rest, they can take the night off without anyone being bitterly disappointed!

So… those are my thoughts about my daughter’s recent elopement. I’m honestly so very happy for her, and so very happy to welcome her new husband into our family. And the fact that this time just three short months ago, she hadn’t the faintest inkling of how dramatically her life was about to change for the better is testament to the fact God is able orchestrate such incredible blessings beyond all we hope and think, and that He delights in giving good and perfect gifts to His children in His good and perfect timing.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post EP 102: My Daughter Just Eloped (& Why That Makes Me Happy) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Studies show that the #1 predictor of a child’s emotional well-being is how well that kid knows his family history. So this week, we’re talking about how important storytelling is for the growth and development and emotional wellbeing of our children, and about what kinds of stories parents need to make sure they pass down to their kids.

The material for this podcast comes from a post I published a few years back entitled “Stories Matter.” You may read that original article in its entirety by scrolling past the show notes below.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Deuteronomy 11:19 Psalm 139:13-16Ephesians 2:10RELATED LINKS:Eric Barker’s Book: Barking Up the Wrong TreeBarking up the Wrong Tree NewsletterEP 19: Amazing Stories of God’s ProvisionOur Christmas LettersGlad Tidings – the first 25 years of Christmas letters in book formWriting Your Own Christmas LettersEP 88: On Accepting Your UnchangeablesSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteStudies Show that Stories Matter

Researchers from Emory University have found that the #1 predictor of a child’s emotional well-being is how well that kid knows his family history.* It makes sense. Stories matter. This finding is fascinating, but it isn’t surprising.

Your child’s knowledge of his family history, his religious roots, his national heritage, and even his own biology all play a vital role in creating and instilling a sense of purpose. Perhaps this is part of the reason God places such importance on telling and retelling such significant stories to our children.

The Stories our Children Need to HearStories of God’s Faithfulness

God’s Word is full of stories: the creation account, Noah’s ark, the ten plagues on Egypt, David and Goliath, Daniel in the lion’s den, the fiery furnace, the virgin birth, Jesus feeding the 5000, healing the sick, walking on water, calming the storm, His death, burial, and resurrection, and so forth and so on.

Granted, with the exception of Christ, none of the players in these stories were perfect. But there are still many rich lessons we can learn from studying their lives and history, flaws and all.

Moreover, God commands parents to lay up His Word in their hearts and in their souls and to teach it to their children when they rise up, lie down, sit in the house, and walk along the way. (Deuteronomy 11:19) So we have a mandate to tell and retell these Biblical accounts of God’s sovereignty and grace and judgement and mercy, thus keeping them alive in the hearts and minds of the next generation.

Stories of National Heritage

Our nation has lots of stories, too: the Pilgrims, the Founding Fathers, the American Revolution, Paul Revere’s ride, the crossing of the Delaware, Lewis and Clark, Westward expansion, the War between the States, the Emancipation Proclamation, the Great War, the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, the Civil Rights movement, the lunar landing, the Cold War, 9/11 — the list goes on and on.

As with Biblical heroes, our national heroes are human. They made mistakes, some of which had grave consequences. But many of these historic figures had very admirable qualities, as well: courage, integrity, compassion, generosity, a strong work ethic, devout faith, an innovative approach to problem solving, etc.

We can learn from both good examples and bad — and it is vital that we do so if we wish to avoid repeating the basest and most abominable aspects of our country’s history while preserving and emulating the most noble and praiseworthy.

Stories of Family History

It is also important for children to know and understand their own unique family history. Every family has stories, so provide as detailed an account of the facts as you can. Rejoice with them over the good; purpose with them to avoid repeating the bad; look for important life lessons in both.

Our family has a very detailed written history, thanks to all the Christmas letters I’ve sent to friends and family for the past 36 years of marriage. It was my idea to write them, but it was my husband’s idea to re-read them aloud to the family every December.

This tradition has served to cement in our children’s minds all the significant milestones, everyday graces, hard-learned lessons, crazy mistakes, and funny remarks of the past while simultaneously tracing God’s hand of faithfulness to our family throughout our years together.

Stories of Biological Design

Last but not least, every individual has a story. Each of us has been fearfully and wonderfully made, knitted together by God in the womb (Psalm 139:13-16) with unique features, gifts, aptitudes, callings, and purpose. “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)

Some of our traits are unchangeable: your genetics, your ethnicity, your birth order, the time period into which you were born.

Other characteristics and abilities must be shaped, molded, and developed to reach their full potential: honesty, empathy, integrity, intellect, artistic or musical talent, and the like.

Taken together, all these stories create in our children a sense of connectedness and understanding and purpose. Yet every single one of these foundational stories are under attack in our current culture.

Rewriting History

The Bible was deemed irrelevant and tossed out of the classroom long ago. Libraries are removing great works of literature to make room for woke propaganda and perversion specifically targeted at kids. The stories of our national heritage are being completely rewritten such that brave American heroes are recast as villains.

Families are being fragmented and redefined. Children are no longer taught to respect their elders or to consider that parents and grandparents might have anything important to teach them. And even something as simple as biological design — what determines whether a person is male or female — is suddenly up for debate.

So, if the sense of purpose we get through family history and storytelling is so important for a child’s sense of wellbeing, is it any wonder that today’s young people are facing a mental health crisis like nothing we’ve ever seen before?

Let’s do what we can to restore stability to the hearts and minds of the next generation by telling and retelling them the truth: the truth about their bodies, their families, their country, the God who created them, and the marvelous and magnificent plan He has for their life.

*As reported by Eric Barker in his immensely interesting bestseller, Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science behind Why Everything Your Know about Success is (Mostly) Wrong.

We listened to the audiobook during our recent two-week road trip through eleven states. Theoretically, we could’ve finished it easily in a day and a half of driving had we not kept hitting pause every few minutes to talk (at length) about what were hearing. This entire blog post grew out of a discussion prompted by one short sentence on page 75.

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The post EP 101: Surprising Benefits from Family Storytelling appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

I’m answering more questions from listeners on Episode 100 of the Loving Life at Home podcast. Tun in as we discuss training toddlers, homeschooling with morning sickness and dealing with parents who seem to disapprove of your life choices.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Matthew 6:27 – “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”James 1:5  – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”Philippians 2:3-4 – “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” RELATED LINKS: EP 9: The Best Way to Handle Negative CommentsEP 68: The Time My Husband Almost Got a VasectomyStop, Drop, and Roll – free printable exercise gameHow Do You Handle Picky Eaters – our best tips5 Smart Ways to Get Kids to Eat More VegetablesAge-Appropriate Chores – free printable chartCultivating Creativity in Young Children – free printable chartFrench Kids Eat Everything – book by Karen Le BillonKeeping Toddlers OccupiedGod Hath Not Promised HymnSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteQ&A: Toddlers, Sickness, & DisapprovalFull transcript from episode 100

Hello, friend. Welcome to Loving Life at Home: Episode 100. Can you believe it? I finally reached the double digits! And I want to celebrate by answering some more questions from my mailbox. Topics today range from busy boys to baby announcements to homeschooling when you’re queasy. So let’s jump right in and get started.

Q: How do you handle family’s negative response to baby news?

My first question is about how to handle extended family’s lackluster response to pregnancy announcements. This reader writes:

Hello! I recently discovered your podcast after hearing you speak on Abbie Halberstadt’s podcast. Thank you for your mentor-style content!

My husband and I are missionaries. We’ve had [six children in six years, including a set of twins]. I just listened to your 2nd episode and wanted to ask you about dealing with disapproving parents. In this case, it is my own parents.

Two years ago, our work took us far away from all our extended family, which has been a very difficult transition. When my parents came for a visit, we happily announced that we were expecting another baby. To which my dad responded, “Are you serious?!” – and not in a cheerful manner.

My mom stayed with us for a while after our youngest child was born, but there has been tension ever since. We feel like a burden to our family, but we don’t have any other support. Any encouraging words?

A: Give it time (and lots of grace).

You can be excited about your pregnancy, and you can tell others about your pregnancy, but you can’t force others to be excited about your pregnancy.

I’ve done a podcast episode on this topic in the past which I’ll link in today’s show notes, but the main thing I recommend is – first – to understand that any other person’s reaction to your pregnancy announcement has more to do with his or her own particular beliefs and struggles and worries than it does with you, and – second – to assume the best on their behalf.

This is especially true when the lackluster reactions are coming from family members. Give them time to warm up to the idea, and – unless they tell you differently – assume any reservations they express are coming from a place of love and concern for you.

Time to call it quits?

Like when my father tried to privately talk my husband into getting a vasectomy after our third was born. I know Dad’s main concern was my health, because (due to the baby’s position) walking was painful during my last trimester of that pregnancy (pregnancy #3) and the delivery was more difficult than it had been with my other two babies. And I’m sure it worried Dad to think that downward trend might continue through subsequent pregnancies (although, thankfully, it didn’t).

Even my own mother greeted those early pregnancy announcements with more trepidation than joy. I’ve never really thought of my mother as someone who is prone to worry – she has such a vibrant faith in God and is so faithful in prayer, I can’t imagine her worrying about anything for very long .

That’s how I am, too. I’m out like a light as soon as my head touches the pillow. Jesus reminds us we can’t add a minute to our life or an inch to our stature by worrying and commands us not to do it. So I don’t. I just leave all my concerns at the foot of the cross and trust Him to take care of them.

Wait until the weekend

And I’m pretty sure that’s what my mother does as well. But I guess I must’ve put that character quality to the test when I was younger, because at one point, she asked me to just wait until Friday to announce any future pregnancies.

She was working at that time and explained that it might adversely affect her job performance if I told her I was pregnant during the week because she would lose sleep thinking about it. By waiting until Friday to give her that kind of news, she had the whole weekend to recover before having to head back into the office on Monday.

Well, for Mom, I think she was primarily worried about the financial stress of a growing family. My husband was a student, and we were living on school loans for the first five years of our marriage. Then he was in a high-stress, low-pay residency for the next five years, so I suspect that my mother was afraid the extra strain of a growing family might cause him to drop out and never finish his training.

That turned out to be an unfounded worry (probably because my mom spent so much time praying against it while she lay awake in bed after each pregnancy announcement), but at the time, I’m sure it seemed like a very real possibility to her.

Once Doug graduated and we moved to Tyler, I remember calling Mom and saying, “Well, Mom, it’s Friday. Can you guess what I’m going to tell you?”

Baffled, she answered, “No. What?”

Then when I told her we were expecting another baby, she asked, “What does that have to do with it being Friday?”

So I reminded her of her earlier request, at which point she laughed a little sheepishly and said, “Oh, Jennifer. I stopped worrying about you a long time ago.”

Fortunately, she still prays for me daily, as well as for my husband and all our kids and grandkids and dozens of other people by name, who are all on her prayer list. But it’s a comfort to think that she’s no longer losing sleep over us or our life decisions.

consider root cause of their concerns

So that’s what I would say about people who don’t seem as enthused about your pregnancy announcements as you’d like them to be. Extend grace and give them time to warm up to the idea and do your best to alleviate any underlying fears or concerns they may have on your behalf.

Understand that they may also have fears on their own behalf. More children means more mouths to feed each time you come to visit. More space that is needed to accommodate a bigger crowd. More birthdays to remember and more Christmas gifts to buy.

I know this for a fact, because that was a concern that  my own mother-in-law voiced to me when we had our fourth or fifth baby. She said she wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the birthdays or afford to buy the same kinds of gifts or lavish the same attention on half a dozen or more children she could give to one or two.

And that is absolutely a valid concern. You can’t give twelve children the same upbringing you might give an only child. But that’s okay.

I assured my mother-in-law that we didn’t expect her to buy our kids any gifts for Christmas or birthdays. That the toys that we invested in for the first two kids would still be serviceable for the next ten or twelve. And they have been. And they’ve entertained our grandchildren as well.

I told her we didn’t have space for a bunch of individual gifts for each individual child, anyway. That we’d rather have the children than the trappings. And that they could buy a family gift – like a book for us to read aloud together or a game we could play together – if they felt so inclined, but they needn’t even do that if it stressed them out at all, and that we wouldn’t think any less of them for not sending gifts. And we don’t. I’m thankful Doug’s mom was willing to be honest with me and tell me what was bothering her.

Of course, gifts for special occasion are a minor concern compared to figuring out what to do if something happened to you.  Your parents might fear that, if you were to die, they’d be left holding the bag when it came to taking care of their grandchildren. And while they might feel up to the task of raising one or two, the thought having to feed and clothe and shelter and care for a whole houseful of children might make their head spin. So those concerns might dampen that the joy they’d otherwise feel about having another grandbaby.

That’s why it’s important for you to pray for them with the same fervency you’d like them to adopt in praying for you.

reducing the tension between you

As for feeling like a burden to your family, I don’t really know what to tell you. Family dynamics differ from situation to situation, and there are undoubtedly a lot of factors contributing to the tension that you’re feeling. But as far as general principles go, I would focus on the following principles:

1 – Pray for wisdom

James 1:5 promises as God will give generously to anybody who asks for wisdom. So start there.

2 – Teach your children to be a blessing

Train them to say “please” and “thank you.” “Yes, sir” and “no, m’am,”  to pitch in and help with chores whenever they can, to be kind to one another and to their elders, to play quietly without bickering, and to keep their voices calm. No screaming! My husband’s grandmother used to clinch her head if our little ones got the least bit loud – even if it was happy laughter. Such high pitched noises would make her hearing aids ring.

So we tried to be sensitive to that ourselves and to explain to our children why it was so important to keep our voices down around Nanny and Poppy. And if they started to get a little boisterous, we’d take them out for a walk around the block or visit a park down the street where they could run a little of that excess energy off before returning to their great-grandparents’ house.

3 – Review rules with your children beforehand

Remind them not to snoop through drawers or go into remote areas of the house or touch things without permission. My husband’s grandparents inevitably had loose pills sitting on their kitchen table every time we came to visit. They would sprinkle them out of their childproof bottles first thing every morning as a reminder to take them at intervals throughout the day.

So it would’ve been very dangerous for our kids to grab that sort of thing and ingest it when we weren’t looking. We had to watch the baby like a hawk whenever we were at Nanny and Poppy’s house, but we could generally rely on our older children to follow the rules we had established and practiced for so long by that time.

5 – Realize your parents are getting older

Your parents may not be physically able to do what they used to do.

When I was younger, I could strap a newborn to my chest, carry a toddler on one hip, and push a cart loaded with 2-3 children and a week’s worth of groceries up and down every aisle of Walmart and not think a thing about it. I’d probably break my back or my neck or drop a child on their head if I attempted such a feat these days. It would be imprudent to even try.

I’m at the age that if I wrench my back or injure my shoulder, it may be 10-11 months before it feels quite right or is fully mobile again. So I’ve learned to be careful.

I still enjoy holding babies, but I sit down and let them crawl onto my lap or have their parents hand them to me rather than bending over and trying to pick them up myself. And when I get down on the floor to play with them, I’ve learned to be careful not to twist my knees or sit in certain positions, because I know that I’ll pay for it later.

6 – Be grateful for what help you do get

Say thank you. Let them know how much you appreciate it. Let it slide if they don’t do everything exactly as you would do it.

I remember one time, my husband gave a piece of candy to one of our grandsons without first checking with his parents if that were alright. Even I was appalled that he would do such a thing. That child had never had any refined sugar before.

But my son and daughter-in-law were both so gracious. They told my husband not to worry about it. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. Which was such a kindness to us, because they could’ve just as easily treated us like we’d ruined their little boy or destroyed his gut health or decided they would never be able to trust us to do right by their children. And that would’ve definitely put some undue strain on our relationship.

So be very careful how you handle that kind of situation and how you react when things like that happen. Nobody likes feeling judged or as if they are the cause of bitter disappointment. Also #7…

7 – Avoid taking undue advantage of your family members

Don’t be the relative who only ever calls when you need a favor. Invest in building and maintaining a good relationship with your parents when you are between babies, so that if/when you ask for their help after future deliveries, they don’t feel used.

Think more in terms of how you can serve and honor them rather than focusing your attention on all the things that you wish they were doing for you to make your life easier.

This, again, is just a straightforward application of Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” And “others” would include your parents.

8 – Consider your parenting method

Also, you need to understand that the way you discipline your children may become a bone of contention with relatives, particularly if you have chosen a different parenting style than your own parents she used.

That generally is not a problem as long as your children are well behaved. No questions get asked usually when everybody is minding and not causing any kind of ruckus.

But if you’ve chosen a parenting style that requires you never to say no to your children or to give negative consequences for misbehavior or even label misbehavior as something that’s undesirable, then there is a good chance your children are not going to be pleasant people to be around. Either for you or for extended family and certainly not for strangers.

That is really a shame and puts the children at a disadvantage. If your children are rowdy, and your parents can tell you are taking appropriate steps to address that, they will likely have grace for both you and for their grandchildren.

That was certainly the case for me and my husband, as we raised our 12. Almost all of them went through stages that were especially trying or challenging, but our parents were supportive and understanding because they knew we were doing our best to raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

The same is true for our own grandchildren, who’ve all definitely had their moments of defiance, but we know our grown children and their spouses are doing a wonderful job of training their children according to the Bible, so we don’t worry that those hard stages will last forever.

We are already seeing the excellent fruit in our older grandchildren, and we continue to pray — alongside their parents — that God will continue to give wisdom and guidance as they raise each child in the way he or she should go and that He would give the children the grace to accept and respond positively to the loving discipline that their parents provide.

But, of course, if your parents get the impression that you have completely thumbed your nose at how you were raised yourself and have embraced a parenting method that is not producing good fruit, then any tension you might feel in such a circumstance would be completely understandable.

Nobody likes chaos. But unfortunately, some of the most popular parenting methods being touted today almost inevitably lead to a frenetic home life and demanding, entitled children. So, don’t let that be you.

My next question:

Q: Any tips for teaching when I feel sick?

Hi, Jennifer.

I am still really enjoying your podcasts so Thank you so much! So pleased to hear that you are now cancer free!

I wondered if you could give some advice on how to home educate when morning sickness hits? Are there any changes you made or any advice you have?!! 

Thank you so much

A: Be flexible and try to think outside the boxMove supplies within easy reach
If you need to lie down on the couch during homeschool hours and have a coffee table nearby where you can stash all of the school books and supplies that you need to homeschool, I would do that. Or even if you’re in bed and can keep a laundry basket by your bed full of what you need, that would be helpful. Just keep it within easy reach so that you can take out the books that you need, read them aloud with the children or have them read them to you and not have to get up and move around a lot when you’re feeling queasy.
Focus on basics
Do reading and math. If you can get that done every day, I would feel like that was a success. Do those whenever and at whatever time of day that you feel at your peak and then fit other subjects in as you’re able.
Enlist children’s help
Then enlist your children’s help They can learn to do simple food prep. Teach them to make a few easy things, even if it’s just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, things or cheese and crackers or wash the grapes and the fruit, peel the oranges, that kind of thing. Teach them how to make some snacks and easy lunches for themselves and for their younger siblings and that will help out a lot. Then you can also have them fetch things for you and read to younger siblings

When we first moved to Tyler and I was pregnant with number six and had a baby that would fall asleep in the car when we were driving to the grocery store, I would end up sending my 11 and 12 year old in to buy the groceries. I’d give them a shopping list and a credit card. They’d go in and gather them all up and bring them back to the car where I was resting with the children and that really worked well. They got to where they not only did the shopping, but they’d put the groceries away when we got home and they loved getting to cook things too. So that was a huge help to me when I didn’t really get a very bad morning sickness, but I was really extremely fatigued when I was pregnant, especially with those first nine or 10 kids. Actually, when I got to my 40s, my pregnancies were much more energetic than they were when I was younger. So go figure. But enlist your kids’ help when you can.
Read aloud
A lot of topics can be covered with multiple age ranges, your history for sure and literature and even some of your science can be read aloud or you can check out audible books, either sign up for audible through Amazon or check out books on tape at the library and play those so that the kids, I really prefer that to video because children can work on art projects and things like that or build with Legos while they’re listening and it’s not quite as addictive, I don’t think, to just hear stories. And you can have your kids narrate the story back to you or briefly summarize the lessons taught that you’re covering in your read alouds. So we did a lot of that as I was able to with my pregnancies.
Play games.
Trygames of concentration, logic games, smart games, things like that, floor puzzles and logic puzzles. We’d even play spelling as if it were a game, you know, either do around the world where they sat down when they missed a spelling word or my sister gave us little dry erase paddles where I could call out a word and everybody would write it on their paddle and just turn it and let me see if they spelled it right and I could correct them and not have to leave the couch to do that.
Make sure they exercise
hey’ll need some exercise and if you’re feeling queasy and you can’t get up and drive them to the park or that kind of thing, you can oversee calisthenics in your own home. Do push-up competitions or wall sitting or planks or I have printables that make a little set of cards called Stomp, Drop and Roll where you roll a die and it tells you how many repetitions of each card that you’re going to do. So there’s squats and lunges and jumping jacks, different exercises on each card. Each child will pick a card, roll the die and then do that many repetitions of that particular exercise. So that’s a fun way to do it. I’ll link those printables. They’re free on our family website in today’s show notes if you want to try that. And that helps the kids burn off a little bit of energy also.
Investigate online courses
And then especially for older children, some online or video lessons might be appropriate for doing school when mom is too queasy to tackle those subjects herself. We’ve done physical science that way and economics. I havea video program for economics that was really good. And also world history. We’ve done some world history through video courses. So check those out as well.
Q: Help! My toddler is running me ragged!

Then, my next letter comes from a mother in her early 20s who has two young children and is expecting a third. She writes:

Jennifer! I have enjoyed consuming your podcast over the last few weeks and would love your thoughts on some troubles I am running into as I raise my babies. I am really struggling with my 2-year-old.

He is a very picky eater. We eat healthy and whole ingredient foods. We practice hospitality and I am regularly being asked for my recipes so I don’t think my cooking is the problem. Every meal is a challenge to get him to eat and I am feeling worn down. I do not provide alternatives at that meal but I note what he refuses to eat and try not to make it often. Practically every night he is telling us he’s hungry at bedtime and I don’t play that game. That’s one problem.
The other is he is very sneaky and smart and gets into things constantly. He knows what he is doing is wrong and does it when my back is turned. It’s exhausting to have to always be on and thinking about what he could possibly destroy next and I am just tired.

He has been consistently biblically discipled…. If it’s a mess he can help clean up, I make him do it, but I am at a loss. It’s been going on for so long.

Just the other day he locked me out of my bedroom when he was supposed to be napping, found my mascara and rubbed it all over the floor and walls in my bedroom as well as dumped out some expensive medicines and essential oils. He has…colored on the walls and his face, dumped out bulk spices, gotten into our ducks pen and brought their poop covered items into our house and the last goes on.

I am confident I am at the beginning of raising a young man who will be a very hard worker and very smart one day but today this mama is tired and at a loss of what to do.

I hoped maybe with 12 kids you have had at least one like this and could provide me with some ideas of what I can do differently or better. We live in a small house, so he can’t get far without my knowing —  but there is cooking and cleaning and other babies to attend to. He does do chores around the house with me but if I don’t monitor him he will abandon the chore or make a mess so putting him to work while I am doing things doesn’t seem to be helpful at this age.

If this is just God working out His will in me to conform me more into the image of His Son I will gladly endure, but as an older woman in the faith I hoped you could some insight or encouragement!

A: Don’t grow weary in well-doing

So yes, I’m sure that God is using this to conform you to the image of his son but that doesn’t mean that you can’t address it as well. So let’s break it up: first picky eaters.

dealing with picky eaters

I don’t think I’ve ever done a podcast on that topic but I know I’ve addressed it at least a couple of times on our family blog so I will be sure to link those posts in the show notes. Essentially I’d recommend that you keep offering good wholesome food to your children at mealtimes and not stock your pantry with junk food — which is exactly what it sounds like you’re doing.

have them help prepare meals

I always found it helpful to enlist the children’s help in the kitchen and or the garden where they’re just standing right beside you. I know that you say if you set him to work on a chore he abandons it or makes a mess, but if he’s right there, kind of connected at the hip with you, then you’re able to kind of keep an eye on him as he works.

I found that when my kids help in the kitchen or the garden, they’re more interested in eating those things that they’ve cooked or helped cook or grow themselves. And by investing in extra tools like potato peelers and can openers and paring knives, they can easily lend a hand without substantially slowing your progress on meal prep. So I’d recommend maybe doing some of that with your little boy.

keep offering new foods

Also don’t worry if your child doesn’t embrace a huge variety of foods while he’s younger. It takes multiple exposures for a lot of kids to develop a taste for a new food so just keep encouraging him to try a bite of whatever you serve but don’t force the issue or serve them the same plate of food again and again at the next meal if they don’t finish it at the first. That’s just gross.

When I was growing up I used to gag every time my mother served green beans but she just kept encouraging me to try one bite each time I had the opportunity even if I spit it right back out on my plate instead of swallowing it and eventually green beans became one of my very favorite vegetables. But, honestly, not until I was an adult. So I’m so thankful that she didn’t force the issue when I was little. I doubt I would ever have learned to like them if she had.

Don’t make food your hill to die on.

I had one son who at age three had a very short list of things that he liked to eat. It included peanut butter, broccoli, cream gravy, and salad. Now he never got cream gravy at my house, only at Nana’s, but it was one of the few things that he would eat.

And I was happy that the peanut butter and the salad and broccoli were on his short list because those were at least reasonably healthy. So I just made sure that there was always a salad available no matter what I served for dinner and we had lots of peanut butter toast and peanut butter sandwiches when he was little too.

Even now I have a 17-year-old who doesn’t eat meat and hasn’t for nearly a decade. It’s not because of any health reasons. He just doesn’t like the texture. And lest you think that that makes him malnourished, I’ll tell you he’s six foot seven and he’s extremely muscular. So it hasn’t slowed his growth any not to be eating meat. Likewise, our 15-year-old daughter doesn’t like cheese, but whatever calcium deficit going essentially dairy-free creates has not slowed her growth either. She’s six foot, a little bit over six foot now at this point, a volleyball player, very athletic.

And as for that little boy who only wanted peanut butter and salad as a child, he’s turning 30 in a couple of weeks, and he’s as fit and healthy as ever. And he also eats a much wider variety of food now as an adult than he did as a toddler.

An excellent book on this topic is French Kids Eat Everything. I think that’s the name of it, something similar. If not, I’ll try to link that in the show notes. It was an intriguing read as the way the French view food and mealtime is so different than the way that most Americans view it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading that book, and I would recommend it to anybody who struggles with getting their kids to eat.

channel children’s energy into creative/constructive pursuits

As for dealing with busy boys who seem bent on destroying things, that stage won’t last forever either, especially if you learn how to channel their energy and curiosity, both of which are great qualities when put to proper use.

And you’re right: Your little boy will probably be a very hard worker and very smart as he gets older, if you can just harness that in a good direction while he’s younger. So I know that trying to do that sounds exhausting, especially when you have other little ones that need your attention.

Basically you want to teach your little ones to do constructive and creative things rather than things that destroy and demolish. So give them building blocks and Duplo blocks, that sort of thing. Give them real tools and real chores.

I’ll link a couple of blog posts in the show notes that may be of value to you and give you some ideas for how to channel that energy. One is a list of children’s chores broken down by age range. It’s not a hard and fast checklist. It’s just some general suggestions for things that most children could be expected to do by certain benchmark ages.

For your two to three year old, that might look like:

Giving them some wet wipes or a damp rag and asking them to wipe down baseboards or doorknobs or light switches.Having them pick up sticks or pine cones in the yard and put them in a basket for kindling.Sorting washcloths by color and folding them in fourths.Picking up blocks off the floor once they’re finished playing with them and putting them away.Sorting clean silverware, forks with forks and spoons with spoons.Peeling carrots and chopping lettuce or de-stemming grapes in the kitchen for snacks or mealtime.

You get the idea. If your toddler is forever getting into things and making messes when you’re not looking, you may want to make him your little buddy. Like I said, keep him right by your side doing tasks that you can supervise as you work with the other children.

let them use their imagination

As for creative play, draw a bunch of lines on a piece of paper and give them a pair of blunt scissors and let them cut along the lines. That’s kept many of our toddlers busy for at least 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

And another thing my kids have loved and that I loved myself as a child and that my grandchildren enjoy now too is playing with a dollop of shaving cream at the kitchen table. Our table was covered in formica when I was growing up, so it didn’t do any damage to the tabletop. Of course, if you’re eating off an antique family heirloom, you might want to reconsider this activity. But when you smooth a little shaving cream over that table surface, the kids can draw pictures or practice their letters in it. It’s a real interesting texture. And like I said, our kids have loved doing it. Ditto for playing with clay or Play-Doh.

Also, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on art supplies. My kids enjoyed having access to empty cereal boxes and plastic lids and jars and empty tin cans for craft projects. I would just toss all those items. I’d rinse them and toss them in a recycle bucket at the bottom of our pantry and our kids would raid it to make all sorts of creative craft projects. If you provide a little duct tape and a pair of scissors or some string and a yarn, just let them use their imagination.

When my children were all younger, I kept a list of activities that my toddlers could safely do with minimal supervision. And I would refer to that often and set them to one such task to keep them busy while I homeschooled the older siblings. I think I still have a version of that on our family website.

I’ll look it up and link that in the show notes today as well. Maybe that will help you with your rambunctious boys. I certainly hope so.

Q: Did you know that’s a hymn?

Then my last letter this week was from a listener who writes:

Hi, Jennifer.

Your most recent podcast, How to Live a Yielded Life, was really good. I appreciate it. I’m newly pregnant for the fifth time after a miscarriage earlier. fifth time after a miscarriage earlier this year. I’m doing my best to trust the Lord through this process.

The poem you mentioned reminded me of a hymn we sing at church. I looked it up and it seems to be the same thing. We just sing it to music.

Thank you for taking time to do all that you do.

Sincerely, Emily.

A: I do now. Thanks!

And the poem she was talking about is: “God has not promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all your life through….: (that poem that I quoted last week).

I will link that hymn that she told me about in the show notes. I had no idea that it had been set to music, but I’m so glad somebody did that! I hope the song will be a blessing to you, too. I’ll look forward to visiting with you again next week.

The post EP 100: Q&A – Busy Toddlers, Morning Sickness, & Dealing with Disapproving Parents appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Jesus calls believers to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him. But what does a life wholly yielded to God even look like in this day and age? It is marked by a willingness to:

Die to yourselfTrust God completelyKnow God’s WordSubmit to His willPoint others to JesusSuffer for His nameFollow Christ aloneLove others selflessly

We are unpacking all that and more this week on the Loving Life at Home Podcast. I hope you’ll listen in and be encouraged.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:John 12:23-24 – “…unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.’”Matthew 16:24 – “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” (see also Luke 9:23 and Mark 8:34)Mark 8:35 – “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel will save it.”1 John 2:17 – “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”1 Corinthians 10:31 – “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”Philippians 1:21 – “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”Luke 22:42 – “Father, not my will, but thine be done.”Hebrews 12:1 – “… let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”2 Timothy 4:7 – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith”Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”1 Corinthians 2:14 – “The unbeliever does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him. And he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”1 Corinthians 1:27 – “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,”Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His”Hebrews 10:23 – “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”Psalm 100:5 – “…the LORD isgood; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endures to all generations.”Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Psalm 119:105 – “Thy word isa lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”Ephesians 2:4-10 – “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ…”Isaiah 45:9 – “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands ‘?Romans 9:20-21 – “…Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?”John 3:30 – “He must increase; I must decrease.”Philippians 1:27-29 – “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him.”Philippians 3:10 – “That I might know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death….”John 16:33 – “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”Psalm 23:4 – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”Matthew 10:28 – “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”2 Corinthians 12:8-9 – “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Hebrews 12:2 – “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”Job 2:9 – “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!’”Job 1:21 – “He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.’”John 14:6 – “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”1 Corinthians 11:1 – “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”Jeremiah 17:9 – “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”Matthew 25:35 – “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.”Luke 10:27 – “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.”John 13:35 – “By this will all men know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”Galatians 6:3 – “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”Romans 12:3 – “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…”Hebrews 3:14 – “… exhort one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”RELATED LINKS:Jim Elliot Was Not First to Say It – references Matthew Henry’s biography of his father“For His Glory and My Good” – CityAlight praise song Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander – some of my husband’s favorite booksM Is for Mama Podcast: Episode 113 – a conversation between Abbie and meSuffering is Never for Nothing by Elisabeth ElliotEP 28:Bible Memory Tips & TricksEP 85: Memorize Proverbs 3 with MeA Grand Investment – the Bible memory program I use with my kids & grandkids“Inspiration” – this poem by Henry David Thoreau contains the line I quoted without attribution, “Time cannot bend the line which God hath writ” “God Hath Not Promised” – the poem I quoted by Annie Johnson FlintSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteHow to Live a Yielded LifeFull Transcript for Episode 99

Hello, friend. Welcome to Episode 99 of Loving Life at Home. Today, I’d like to discuss living a life that is wholly yielded to God. What would doing such a thing even look like?

It’s a good question to ask right now, while Charlie Kirk’s life and legacy are—for good reason — still dominating the headlines and social media feeds and thoughts and prayers of so many. More than 100 thousand people, including some personal friends of mine, attended his memorial service in Arizona on Sunday. And 100 million people, my children and I included, streamed the 5-hour long event on that first day alone. Millions more will undoubtedly see clips from the video in days to come.

The stunning thing about all of this is that the gospel message of full forgiveness freely offered through the substitutionary death and bodily resurrection of Christ was so clearly proclaimed by nearly every person who spoke at the memorial service.

One of my favorite speakers was Dr. Ben Carson, who closed his remarks by reading John 12:24 and asked that we remember the fact that Charlie was shot at 12:24 PM while we listened.

I want to read that passage, as well, in case you missed hearing it on Sunday. But I’m going to start at John 12:23, because when I looked up the timeline of the assassination to verify what Carson said, I noticed some news sources say the shooting started a minute earlier.

So keeping in that fact in mind, listen to these verses. John 12:23 reads, “But Jesus answered them by saying, ‘The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.’”

If you consider that “Son of Man” is a name Jesus used to refer to Himself, He’s saying, “The hour has come for Jesus Christ to be glorified.” Then He elaborates in John 12:24, “Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

Well, we are now getting our first glimpse of the bountiful harvest that is bursting forth in every corner of the globe as a result of Charlie Kirk’s murder. Charlie once noted, “All death can do to a believer is deliver him to Jesus,” which is exactly what happened two weeks ago. And Charlie remained faithful to share Christ’s love with others, literally to his dying breath and beyond, thanks to all the video footage he left behind.

What a legacy!

To live a yielded life, you must die to self

Of course, God hasn’t call all of us to be martyrs for our faith. (At least, not yet.) But He has called every believer, individually and unequivocally, to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. (You can find that charge in Matthew 16:24, in Mark 8:34, and also in Luke 9:23). Jesus goes on to explain, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and for the gospel will save it.”

This reminds me of something Jim Elliot famously said. Elliot was one of five missionaries killed in Ecuador by the natives they’d come to evangelize, but before he was ever martyred, Elliot wrote in his journal: “He is no fool who gives away what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.”

Interestingly, he was not the first person to observe this truth. Bible commentator Matthew Henry ascribed essentially the same quote to his own father more than two centuries earlier. Only Philip Henry said it this way: “He is no fool who parts with that which he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with that which he cannot lose.” 

Either way, the point is the same.  “This world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God remains forever,” as noted in 1 John 2:17.

Ultimately, Jesus is the only one who can fully satisfy our restless nature or fill the God-shaped hole in every human heart. In fact, turning our life over to Him and living for His glory is the whole reason each of us was created in the first place. As the Westminster Catechism asserts: “The divine end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

That is living a yielded life, in a nutshell:

It’s the believer who, whether he eats or drinks or whatever he does, does it all for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31)It’s the person who proclaims with Paul in Philippians 1:21, “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”It’s the heart that prays the same prayer Jesus prayed in the garden the night He was betrayed: “Father, not my will, but thine be done.” (see Luke 22:42)It’s the bold prayer Erika Kirk told us her husband routinely prayed, “God, use me in whatever way you want.”

God had obviously been honoring that prayer all along in Charlie’s life, but He honored it again on September 10, 2025. As soon as I heard that he had been killed, I was heartbroken for his family, but I was also confident that Charlie had run with endurance the race that was marked out for him (see Hebrews 12:1). He had fought the good fight, finished the course, and kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7). He had completed the good works that God had prepared beforehand for him to do while on this earth. (Eph. 2:10)

I hope the same may be said of me when it’s my time to go.

To be sure, there is still work to be done, but not by Charlie. As Erika said at his memorial service, Charlie died with incomplete work, but not with unfinished business. He was ready to go the minute God called him.

Any remaining work will need to be done by those he left behind. Including you and me and every other person who is willing to exalt the name of Jesus every day in every way we can.

To live a yielded life, you must trust God completely

But let’s go back to the idea that only Jesus can completely fill the God-shaped hole in every human heart. Our church frequently sings a CityAlight song that touches on that idea. It goes like this:

“For Your Glory and My Good”

Verse 1

I have seen my Father’s glory
Revealed in Jesus Christ
And the more that I behold Him
The more He satisfies

When I gaze upon His beauty
When I see Him as I should
Then my eyes are lifted upward
For His glory and my good

Verse 2
There is hope in every trial
For I can trust the Lord
He will turn my heart towards Him
And help me bear the thorn

So in faith I follow Jesus
On the road not understood
For I know that He is working
For His glory and my good.

When I first heard that second verse – the part about following Jesus on the road not understood? – I assumed it was just talking about the fact that the WORLD doesn’t understand the path believers follow. Because, as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 2:14, “The unbeliever does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him. And he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

And, as he noted in 1 Corinthians 1:27, “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,”

But that isn’t the only way to interpret the words of this praise song. One Sunday morning as we were singing this song in church, it struck me that God sometimes calls us to follow a path we ourselves don’t understand.

Whenever that’s the case, our goal should be to trust Him and to faithfully keep following anyway, knowing that He has promised to work all things together for the good of those who love God and are the called according to His purpose. (as explained in Romans 8:28)

So, as Hebrews 10:23 reminds us to do, “Let us hold fast to our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”

That’s why we can keep on hoping and keep on trusting that God has everything under control. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

We can fully trust His goodness.

Psalm 119:105 assures us, “…the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endures to all generations.”

We can fully trust His plan

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We can fully trust His Word.

Psalm 119:105 – “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

To live a yielded life, you must know (and obey) God’s Word

Of course, to trust His Word, it’s vitally important that we know His Word.

We need to read it faithfully. Memorize it. Study it. Meditate on it. Hide it deep, deep down in our heart of hearts.

That’s one reason I’m so excited about the memory work project I’ve been doing with my kids and grandkids for the past couple of years. I’ve told you about that before, and I’ll put a link to that episode in today’s show notes, along with information about the exact passages we’ve been learning plus resources to help make memorizing easier.

Most kids can memorize without a lot of effort. Their little brains are like sponges. I’ve been trying to get my grandkids to commit Ephesians 2:4-10 to memory, which was the passage I assigned for our family memory challenge last month, but they’d been dragging their feet.

Well, my 15-year-old grandson, Chase, finally sat down to work on it yesterday afternoon and had all seven verses down cold after about 15 minutes of study. He had me print the passage out for him, then copied it down in his own hand a couple of times, then quoted it to me from memory perfectly.

I wanted to make sure he didn’t just store it in short-term memory long enough to mark that one off his list, so when Grandpa got home a few hours later, I asked Chase to quote it to him, as well, which he did flawlessly, with no further cramming.

I know I’ve shared this story before, but last year, my youth pastor whom I hadn’t seen in more than 40 years came back to my hometown for a reunion with the young people he served back in the 1980s.

Well during those years, he set countless Bible verses to music and taught us the songs. And while we were all gathered, I mentioned how much I appreciated his helping to hide God’s Word in our heart that way and suggested we sing a few of those old songs together right then and there, which we all did. And nearly everybody in attendance was able to sing all those verses verbatim from memory, even though it had been more than four decades since many of them had last heard or sung them.

To live a yielded life, you must submit to God’s will

Another thing that happened more than 40 years ago is that my high school boyfriend broke the arm of his dominant hand. While it was healing, he wasn’t able to move his fingers to write, but he found that he could hold a needle and thread, so I taught him how to cross stitch – and by the time the cast came off, he was hooked.

Well, at the reunion, his wife thanked me for teaching her husband that skill, because he in turn taught her, and she then taught her children. [Which, incidentally, is exactly how disciple-making is supposed to work in the CHRISTIAN walk, as well. Jesus told his disciples to go and make more disciples, then those disciples would make even more disciples, and so on and so on.]

But — that ‘s not really the point of my telling you that story. The point is, that first and only boy I ever dated before meeting my husband used to get very frustrated that the underside of his needlework looked like such a tangled mess. Threads would be running every which way, underpinning a web of knots and loose ends.

I’d been cross-stitching for years by then and usually tried to line my stitches up in such a way that my work still looked pretty and uniform, even on the back – mostly because that’s just the way my mathematical brain has always worked.

Not that the underside of a pattern makes any difference whatsoever. Once a piece is framed, nobody can tell whether the back is messy or not. The top is what matters.

And guess what? The artist, the creator, the seamstress is the one who makes the decisions, who chooses the design, who carefully places each stitch, who does all the work for his/her own pleasure and according to his/her own liking.

Something I’ve noticed over time is that the more intricate and complex a project is, the messier the reverse side of anybody’s work inevitably becomes. Which, I think, is a great analogy for the life of a believer.

My daughter and I have been re-reading the Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander lately. These were my husband’s favorite books as a teen, and our whole family loves them now, as well, thanks to his introducing us to the series.

We just got to the part in the book where the companions come upon what they think is a deserted cottage in the Marshes of Morva. Upon letting themselves in, the find an unfinished tapestry upon a loom and can’t help but notice that the threads are all snarled and tangled and broken. That’s because, initially, the companions only see the bottom or backside of the work.

It’s the same way with us – as Abbie Halberstadt and I were discussing on her M Is for Mama Podcast a few weeks ago. I’ll be sure to link that episode in the show notes.

But as long as we’re on earth, we only see the underside of the pattern the LORD is weaving in and through our lives. We won’t and can’t fully appreciate God’s gloriously intricate design until its finished and we’re in heaven looking down upon our life from His vantage point.

Isaiah used a similar analogy. He writes in Isaiah 45:9, “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands ‘?

Paul echoes Isaiah’s words in Romans 9:20-21, “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, “Why did You make me like this?” / Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?”

Rather than striving against our maker, we need to joyfully submit. To invite and allow him to work in our life. To yield our will to His. To pray with Charlie, “Use me in whatever way you please,” and to trust Him to make something useful and/or beautiful that will bring glory to Himself.

Yet, that explains why we sometimes don’t understand the path God asks us to travel this side of heaven – because we aren’t yet able to see things from His perspective. Once we do, I’m convinced we will marvel at how he worked it all together for His glory and our good.

To Live a Yielded Life, You Must Point Others to Jesus

Which brings us back to the CityAlight song I started singing earlier. It continues:

Chorus
To our God be the glory
To our God be praise
He alone, the name above all names

I will boast ever only in the Lord my God
For I know
His glory is my good

Verse 3
See the open arms of Jesus
Upon the cross that day
What they understood as weakness
Deserves my every praise

For the charge that was against me
It was nailed into the wood
Yes, I know that He has saved me
For His glory and my good

Verse 4
Would I gladly be made nothing
That Christ would be made more
Would I seek the only kingdom
That far outweighs them all

I will stand before my Father
Where the faithful saints have stood
And with joy my heart shall praise Him
For His glory and my good

Yes, with joy my heart shall praise Him
For His glory and my good

That fourth verse poses a good question for all of us to ponder: “Would I gladly be made nothing that Christ would be made more?”

Can we say with John the Baptist, “He must increase; I must decrease”? The most significant work I can do in this life is to point others to Jesus. If my chief end is to bring glory to God and enjoy Him forever, the more I glorify God, the more I WILL enjoy Him, and the more others can enjoy Him, too.

This understanding is central to living a yielded life. It’s a desire to see Christ magnified and an eagerness for Him to use you however He sees fit for His own glory. It’s the confidence with which we trust Him, even when He works in ways or leads us down paths we don’t understand. And it is a willingness to hold our blessings with an open hand, grateful for the opportunity to enjoy them while they last, but acknowledging the fact everything we have is a gift from the LORD.

I want to point out that “holding things with an open hand” is really more a posture of the heart than a physical gesture.

My marriage is a blessing. I love my husband dearly and am so grateful to be married to him. But holding that blessing with an open hand won’t keep me from calling 9-11 and doing CPR until EMS arrives if my husband collapses from a heart attack in front of me. It will only keep me from becoming bitter toward God if he doesn’t survive the episode.

Every one of my twelve children are a blessing, and I’m so grateful for the privilege of mothering them. But holding those blessings with an open hand didn’t keep me from clinging tightly to them when they were little, to keep them safe and prevent their wandering off when we were in large crowds or unfamiliar surroundings.  

But it did allow me to loosen my grip as they grew and give them the freedom to follow the LORD’s leading, even if that meant moving to the other side of the globe to work and serve in difficult situations, trusting God to protect them and provide for their every need.

To live a yielded life, you must be willing to suffer

During my Bible reading yesterday, I began Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi. In Philippians 1:27-29, he wrote, “…stand firm in one spirit, contending together as one for the faith of the gospel, without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a clear sign of their destruction but of your salvation, and it is from God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him.”

Paul considered it a privilege to suffer for the sake of the gospel. In Philippians 3:10 he wrote about his desire to “know [Christ] and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death….”

In Suffering is Never for Nothing, Elisabeth Elliot observed,

“The greatest gifts of my life have also entailed the greatest suffering. The greatest gifts of my life, for example, have been marriage and motherhood. And let’s never forget that if we don’t ever want to suffer, we must be very careful never to love anything or anybody. The gifts of love have been the gifts of suffering. The two are inseparable….”

After recounting the death of her husband, she continues the same thread of thought,

“And God’s answers to my ‘Why’ was just ‘Trust me.’ No explanations. Just ‘Trust me.’ That was His message.

“Now, if I had had a faith that was determined God had to give me a particular kind of answer to my particular prayers, that faith would have disintegrated. But my faith had to be founded on the character of God Himself.”

I love that last part. It is key for all of us. If our faith is contingent on God doing everything according to OUR will, rather than yielding our will to HIS, then that faith will fall flat during difficult days.

Believing in Jesus for salvation is not a ticket to escape suffering. Quite the contrary.

Christ made this fact clear in John 16:33, “In the world you WILL HAVE tribulation… Actually, this is one of the verses my old youth pastor set to music. The whole verse reads this way: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Isn’t it reassuring to know that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I [need] fear no evil, for [God] is with me. [His] rod and [His] staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)

Safety does not depend upon the absence of danger, but on the presence of the Holy Spirit. Sure, others can do us physical damage. But as Matthew 10:28 tells us, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

I’d rather be in the fiery furnace with the LORD, or in the lion’s den or the jail cell or even in the belly of the big fish WITH GOD than anywhere else without Him.

When I was in jr. high or high school, I came across a poem by Annie Johnson Flint who was born in the latter part of the nineteenth century. Her poem was entitled “God Hath Not Promised,” and I committed it to memory as a young girl and reflected on it often. It goes like this:

What God Has Promised

A poem by Annie Johnson Flint (1866-1932)

God hath not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives through;
God hath not promised
Sun without rain
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

But God hath promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labour,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.

Sometimes God receives the most glory, not by removing a hardship from our lives but by sustaining us through it.

Remember the three friends in the fiery furnace. Or Daniel in lions’ den. Or Joseph enslaved and in prison. Or David in battle with Goliath.

God could have easily kept any of those saints from facing such hardships. But He received more glory by preserving them through their difficulties. Not by preventing the trials in the first place.

Or think of Paul’s thorn in the flesh, which Paul confides in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 that he pleaded three separate times for the LORD to take away. Yet, what was God’s answer to him? “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

That is why we need to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. (as He’s called in Hebrews 12:2), who “for the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

As long as Peter kept his gaze on Jesus, he was able to walk on water. Not until he shifted his focus to the rolling waves and howling storm that surrounded him did he start to sink below the surface.

Rarely does a life of ease and comfort produce the greatest personal growth or provide the most glory to God. Of course, that doesn’t keep me from trying to eliminate or minimize problems and struggles or pleading for the LORD’s mercy.

I’ve always prayed that God would teach me the lessons I need to learn in the gentlest way possible. That He would conform me to the image of Christ as painlessly as possible. That He would use me for His glory while sustaining me with His grace. And that He would never send such great suffering my way that I would be tempted, like Job’s wife, to “curse God and die” but would continue to faithfully affirm His goodness, even through hardship, saying, “The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away, blessed be the name of the LORD.”

To live a yielded life, you follow Christ alone

Several years ago, one of my adult kids was telling me about the stacked stone cairns (pronounced kern) that are sometimes used to mark hiking trails.  Evidently, it became a TikTok trend a while back to knock them down or even move them to another location, which resulted in lots of people getting lost. If memory serves me correctly, I think some may have even died.

That’s why it’s so important to know the map and understand it for yourself. Because sometimes the guides to whom we’re accustomed to looking for direction in this world have moved. They’ve changed positions. And now they’re dead wrong.

Sadly, we’re seeing this happen in many churches, where scripture is being twisted to say the opposite of what it has clearly taught for centuries. Or else it’s abandoned altogether in favor of some new age mumbo-jumbo or pop psychology or even pagan practices.

So bring your Bible with you to church. Weigh everything the pastor or priest or teaching elder says in light of scripture. If you’re in a church that insists all paths lead to God, get out. That’s heretical. Because Jesus said in John 14:6,

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

The point is, we need to read and know God’s Word ourselves and follow hard after Christ.

Paul told his friends in 1 Cor 11:1, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” That is all well and good, but unless you know about Christ’s example firsthand, how will you recognize whether the person you are imitating is staying true to Jesus’s example or not?

The point is, just like those cairns on the mountainside which had been moved off the right trail, sometimes external markers are mistaken. Praise the LORD when you find a kindred spirit who is following hard after Christ just like you are. But you still need to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Pursue Him whole-heartedly. Do not grow lazy and look only to human leaders or you, too, might possibly be led astray.

The same is true for inner markers. The notion of “following your heart” is some of the dumbest advice that’s ever been given. Jeremiah 17:9  tells us, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”

Scrooge understood this fact. He was unwilling to trust his own senses the night Marley’s ghost came to visit him. He was convinced the ghost was a figment of his own imagination, possibly caused by something he ate that didn’t agree with him. Perhaps an undigested piece of beef or undercooked potato. He suggested there was “more about gravy than grave” to what he was seeing.

We should be similarly skeptical of our own emotions. Feelings are not facts. Our own emotions are not reliable guides nor trustworthy reflections of reality.

Beware of making decisions when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, tired, jealous, discouraged, or confused.  All these things affect the way we feel at any given moment.

Emotions fluctuate. Feelings are fickle. But “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever,” as we read in Hebrews 13:8. Time cannot bend the line that God hath writ. (Thoreau?) Heaven and earth may pass away, but the Word of God will stand forever. (see Matthew 25:35)

To live a yielded life, you must love others selflessly

When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus said, “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.” He also told His followers, “By this will all men know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Love God. Love Others. That sums it up, doesn’t it?

But what does that love look like? Shouldn’t that love – true love – point others to the God who IS love? Shouldn’t it speak the truth and point to Christ, who declared Himself the Way, the Truth, the Life, and the one and only path to the Father?

Shouldn’t that sacrificial kind of love look out for the interests of others with the same urgency as we attend to your own? ( Philippians 2:3)

Selfless love is humble.  It takes Galatians 6:3 to heart: “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” Or Romans 12:3: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…” Instead, in humility of mind, it regards one another as more important than yourself. “

It yields itself completely to God and, as Hebrews 3:14 bids us to do, it “… exhort[s] one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:14)

That’s my goal with this podcast. To exalt the name of Jesus and to encourage others to do the same. What are your thoughts about living a yielded life? I’d love to hear from you if you have time to drop me a line and let me know.

LORD willing, I’ll be back again next week with another episode. May He bless and keep you until then.

More Bible Memory Help

Want a month-by-month plan filled with resources to make hiding God’s Word in your heart a habit? Check out my new Grand Investment print packs.

I’ve packed both volumes full of pretty, pertinent printables: copywork and coloring pages, award certificates, and tracking charts, along with links to videos and songs I’ve used both in memorizing Bible passages myself and in encouraging my kids and grandkids to do the same.

The post EP 99: Living a Yielded Life appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” How does that play out in real life? Is there a place for meaningful debate on important topics? And, if so, how can we keep such discussions calm and civil and God-honoring? What steps can we take to defuse a disagreement and keep it from escalating into a full-blown fight?

That’s our topic on Loving Life at Home. Much of the material for this episode is taken from a post I wrote over 11 years ago, which you can read in its entirety under today’s show notes. Listen in and let me know what you think.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His”Genesis 50:20 – “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”Ephesians 4:15 – “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”Colossians 4:6 – “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”Proverbs 21:19 – “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”Proverbs 21:9 – “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”Proverbs 17:14 – “The beginning of strife is likeletting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”John 15:17-18 — “This is My command to you: Love one another. If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first.”Proverbs 18:13 – “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”Proverbs 10:12 – “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”Proverbs 16:21 – “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”Proverbs 14:29 – “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”Proverbs 15:18 – “A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.”James 4:6 – “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”Revelation 3:19 – “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.”RELATED LINKS:What Men Intend for Evil – poem I wrote several years agoTurning Point USA – the organization Charlie Kirk foundedCharlie Kirk’s Instagram Account – still growing!STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteRemembering Charlie KirkPartial Transcript from Episode 98

This has been a week to remember, hasn’t it? So much senseless violence and death. The brutal murder of that 23-year-old Ukranian woman who was simply riding a train, minding her own business, in North Carolina. The assassination of Charlie Kirk, the 31-year-old founder of Turning Point USA who was famous for his commitment to having civil conversations with anybody who disagreed with him on college campuses across the country and around the globe. And anniversary of the unforgettable 9-11 terrorist attacks, which took place 24 years ago this month. Can you believe it’s been that long?

In many ways, 9-11 served to unite our country. It brought us to our knees in prayer, convinced us to lay aside our differences, united us in purpose and commitment, and led to revival within the church, however short-lived that renewed interest in growing closer to God may have been for some of the people involved. With others it stuck.

All of those things are a testimony to the fact God can and does work all things – even horrifically senseless, evil things – “together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose,” as Romans 8:28 assures us.

As Joseph told the brothers who sold him into slavery, “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”

Several years ago, I wrote a poem about Joseph’s story, and the stories of many other believers we read about in God’s Word. I won’t quote the entire thing to you – or maybe I will — but the poem ends like this:

…Then, at the height of all injustice,
Christ was crucified,
Yet God’s redemptive plans all hinged
Upon the fact He died.
Without the cross, without the grave
From which He rose again,
The world He loved and came to save
Would perish in its sin.

Doubtlessly, the devil thought
He’d won when Christ was slain,
For little did he understand
The depth of God’s great plan.
He fancied he was in control,
But he misunderstood—
What Satan meant for evil,
God Himself decreed for good.

And so today, as in the past,
The Lord is on His throne,
He’s unperplexed by wicked schemes
Our enemies have sown.
May history show, when foes conspired,
That on this truth I stood:
What men intend for evil,
God will always use for good.

We are already beginning to see that in the case of Charlie Kirk’s death last week, as well. People who had never even heard of Charlie are watching his countless videos and are hearing – some for the first time ever — not only his defense of conservative beliefs but also his bold proclamation of the gospel of Christ.

Charlie knew his Bible, and  he clearly communicated the fact that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s holy standard, that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin, that he was buried and rose again from the grave, so that by grace through faith, we can put our hope and trust in Him, receive full forgiveness for our willful rebellion against God and walk in newness of life.

So the message is still going out, even after the messenger’s life has abruptly come to an end.

People who knew and loved Charlie personally are speaking out, too, boldly proclaiming the truth, taking up his mantle, and pledging to carry on his legacy of respectful dialogue with people who hold opposing viewpoints.

Earlier this week, I read that on the day Charlie died, there were 9,000 chapters of Turning Point USA on college campuses across the country, but that in the six days immediately following his assassination, Turning Point has received over 54,000 requests for new college or high school chapters.

Which is wonderful. I’m so thankful that’s the case. My son and grandson attended a TPUSA meeting on our local college campus just last night and both joined the legacy committee, dedicated to keeping the conversation going.

I also read that in that same 1-week period, Charlie’s Instagram account went from having 1.5M followers to 12.7M followers. That’s a lot of new people being exposed to his Christian conservative worldview.

Add to that the fact that multiple millions of Charlie’s followers are gathering together to pray, to sing hymns, to light candles, to fellowship and remember a life well-lived, and I can definitely see how God is working even this very tragic circumstances together for our good and for God’s glory. And that makes me so very hopeful!

I wrote a blog post over a decade ago entitled 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement, which I’d like to share with you today.

As I was reading back over it this week, I realize Charlie Kirk epitomized all 9 points. He was so faithful to “speak the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 compels all of us to do. His speech was “always full of grace, seasoned with salt,” (Colossians 4:6) and God granted him the wisdom to “know how to answer everyone.”

And God promises to give that same kind of wisdom to us if only we ask for it.  Charlie showed us it is possible to engage in lively debate without demeaning the person with whom you are conversing.

I actually learned that same fact, long before Charlie was even born, by watching my father….

9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement

My father was one of the friendliest, most gregarious men I’ve ever met. He loved people — but he also loved a spirited debate. Mom always said Dad would argue with a fence post.

My mother was decidedly not fond of fiery discussions. She has always detested conflict of any sort. Dad would often tease Mom, trying to get a rise out of her, but she would not be baited. He might as well have been arguing with that famed fencepost, for all the luck he had in drawing his wife into an argument.

By nature, I tend to take after my father, but by conscious effort, I try to follow my mother’s example.

Scripture says it would be better to live in a desert or in the corner of a roof than in a house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (Proverbs 21:19) My mother’s willingness to “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14) made our home a more pleasant and peaceful place to live — for all of us.

Of course, you may not always see eye-to-eye with your husband. When there are areas of disagreement or concerns that need to be discussed, take care to do so in a calm, cool, collected, and consistently respectful way.

Communicating respect to your husband does not necessitate keeping all your thoughts to yourself. It does not mean going along with his every whim, even when serious reservations exist.

Showing respect is not about suppressing your feelings; it’s really more about the tone with which those feelings are expressed.

A disrespectful tone communicates, “Listen, you idiot, let me set you straight on this matter, because it’s obvious you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, we would (hopefully) never actually say such a thing, but our husbands will sometimes hear these words in our tone, even when we don’t utter them outright.

A respectful tone, by contrast, first hears the other person out. It always gives thoughtful consideration to what is being said, even if the speaker isn’t able to articulate his ideas as easily as you yourself might be able to do so. A respectful tone validates the other person by saying, “I see your point,” before continuing, “but have you considered…?”

Many times, our husbands do things in a different way than we would do them, but that doesn’t mean their way is wrong. Go with the flow for as long as possible, then when an issue arises that you really feel strongly about, you will have stored up some goodwill by not having contradicted the two or three dozen choices he’s made prior to the current one. It is easy for our husbands to grow weary and lose patience when we argue and second-guess each and every decision they make.

As for preventing difficult discussions from escalating into angry arguments, follow these guidelines to keep tempers from flaring:

Practice Attentive Listening

Pay attention to what your spouse is trying to say to you. Hear him out. Don’t just pretend to be listening while you mentally rehearse what you plan to say next.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” – Proverbs 18:13

Demonstrate Genuine Love

If you will focus on all the reasons you love this person instead of on the things that irritate you about him, you will be much less likely to say something you later regret.

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” – Proverbs 10:12

Maintain Calm Voices

Don’t allow the pitch to creep up in your conversation. Maintain a gracious, soft-spoken demeanor at all times.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

Use Word Pictures

Well thought-out word pictures and analogies are a great way to communicate a concern without being abrasive and accusatory.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” – Proverbs 25:11

Keep Sweet Speech

Let your words be filled with kindness and seasoned with grace; do not resort to name calling or exaggerated accusations.

“Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” – Proverbs 16:21

Exercise Patient Understanding

Try to see the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Be sympathetic. Put yourself in his shoes to better appreciate his perspective.

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” – Proverbs 14:29

Remain Cool-Headed

Weigh your words carefully, always and only speaking the truth in love. Don’t be rash.

“A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.” – Proverbs 15:18

Show Sincere Humility

Rid your tone (and your heart) of all pride and condescension, neither of which serve any purpose but to stir up strife and discord.

“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

Express Earnest Repentance

Show appropriate, unfeigned remorse over any wrongdoing. Apologize for offensive things you have said or done without excusing your actions or casting blame on your spouse.

“Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” – Revelation 3:19

Through her example, my mother taught me that I don’t always have to have the last word; I don’t need to drive home my point; I’m under no obligation to convince others I’m right.

It takes two to argue. Isn’t it liberating to know that? It takes two — and you don’t have to be one of them.

This post is excerpted from my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband. For more marriage encouragement, connect with me on Facebook.

The post EP 98: 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

I recently received a message from a reader requesting a prayer for single mothers. She writes:

Hi Jennifer, 

I have been a sole parent for the best part of 20 years. I was saved after I left my children’s father, so I kind of did life back-to-front. [Single mothers] seem to be an oft forgotten group because we don’t into the conservative mould of what a Christian should look like.

…I was wondering if there might be a chance you could do up some prayers for single mums and dads. I’m sure there are many other single parents who would also …appreciate some specific, biblical based prayers to pray. 

Many thanks, and God bless. 

This reader is right. Raising children is a challenging job, even when both mother and father work at it together as a team! But when Dad is absent and the responsibility falls entirely on Mom’s shoulders, it can feel especially heavy.

This is true whether the mother in question has been abandoned, divorced, or widowed. Solo parenting is difficult, even when Dad is only temporarily out of the picture. Perhaps he’s been deployed with the military. Perhaps he has to travel with his job for weeks or months at a time. Perhaps he is injured or terminally ill or hospitalized or otherwise incapacitated.

Whatever circumstances precipitated the situation, women who must raise their children without the help of a capable, loving, and devoted father need a lot of prayer support. I’ve been thinking about that fact a lot over the past week, as the LORD has woken me up several times a night with a burden to pray for Erika Kirk after her husband’s recent assassination.

I’ve incorporated many of those same requests I’ve made on behalf of Charlie Kirk’s widow in the free prayer prayer guide for single moms below.

The above version is what one might pray for a single-parent friend or family member. But I realize the person who sent me that message was asking for a bible-based prayer she could pray on her own behalf.

You can find that version below. Please note that every one of these requests — every line of both prayers — has a strong biblical basis. Click on any of the scripture links below to read the foundational verses for yourself.

A Prayer for a Single Mother

LORD, guide me as a single mom (Psalm 25:5)
Who leans on Your strong arm; (Psalm 139:10)
Be my shield and my defender (Psalm 18:2)
And protect me from all harm. (Psalm 121:7)
Be a father to my children, (Psalm 68:5)
May we gladly bear Your name. (2 Thessalonians 1:12)
Grant me grace for every trial; (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Carry me through flood and flame. (Psalm 68:19-20)

Lend the patience and endurance (1 Peter 2:19-20)
I will need to face each day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Furnish wisdom and direction (Proverbs 4:11)
When I do not know the way. (Psalm 25:8-9)
Give me peaceful rest in slumber, (Proverbs 3:24)
LORD, provide for every need. (Philippians 4:19)
Calm my fears and soothe my worries (John 14:27)
As I cast them at Your feet. (1 Peter 5:7)

Change my sorrow to rejoicing; (Psalm 126:5-6)
Help me love her enemies— (Luke 6:27-28)
Meeting hatred with forgiveness— (Colossians 3:13-14)
As I trust the God who sees. (Hebrews 4:13)
Grow my faith in You much deeper; (Ephesians 3:17-19)
Let my love for Jesus shine. (Matthew 5:16)
And when others see my well-lived life, (Psalm 1:1-3)
May all the praise be Thine. (Jude 1:24-25)

Both versions of this prayer are available as a pretty, free printable prayer guide. Just click on the download button below to print either or both.

click to download both versions of this prayer for single mothersMore Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

The post Prayer for Single Mothers appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Time for a little Q&A! I’ve been cleaning out my inbox this week and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in. So I’ve decided to tackle several of those topics on today’s podcast episode.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 29:17 – “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” James 1:5 – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”RELATED LINKS:EP 92: Benefits of Big Family LivingPledge of Allegiance to the FlagPledge of Allegiance to the BiblePledge of Allegiance to the CreatorA Prayer for Police OfficersPraying for our TroopsTaming the Toy BoxAge Appropriate Chores for ChildrenSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website Q&A: Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s ChildrenComplete transcript from Episode 87

Hello, Friends. Welcome to Episode 97 of Loving Life at Home. This week, I’ve been cleaning out my inbox and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in.

I was planning to call this episode “Mailbox Monday,” but I’m late on posting it, so I had to change the title.

I guess I could’ve called it “Trying-to-Tidy-my-Inbox Tuesday,” or “Wish-I-Were-More-on-Top-of-Things Wednesday.”

But the point is, even after moving all the unsolicited email advertisements and other spam to the trash, I still have lots of bona-fide messages in my inbox awaiting a response: questions that need answering, topic suggestions for podcasts or posts, reader requests I want to work on.

So I decided to knock out a bunch of them all at once today. In this episode, I’ll be tackling questions such as:

Is it safe for most women to have ten or more babies?What math books are best for teaching homeschool students?Can I use your prayer guides if I live in another country?Could you please publish a new pledge of allegiance?What books would you recommend for boys to read?What should I do when other people’s kids misbehave in my home?

If you find any of those topics of interest, keep listening while we delve in. My first letter poses this question:

QUESTION: Is giving birth multiple times safe for healthy women?

Adam writes in response to my episode on the Benefits of Big Family Living (which I’ll link in today’s show notes).

Hi. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am a man, but I want to know is it safe for most healthy women to have over 10 children? is having big families not for all healthy women? I heard pregnancies change many things about the bodies of women.

God bless your family. Thanks.

My ANSWER: Every woman is different!

I replied to him that…Yes, pregnancy definitely changes many things about a woman’s body. I cannot speak for all women, or even for all healthy women. But I’m happy to share what I’ve observed through the years.

And that is the fact that Some women’s bodies seem to “bounce back to normal” almost immediately after having a baby. Others, not so much. That’s even true of the same woman with different pregnancies. It certainly was for me. The baby weight simply melted away without any extra effort on my part after the first few deliveries, but it stubbornly clung to my hips and midsection for decades after I had my last few babies.

Additionally, some women, whether generally healthy or obviously out-of-shape, have such easy pregnancies and smooth deliveries that they would gladly consider having ten or more children. That’s the group I found myself in.

Other women, including some who were in tip-top health to begin with, endure such difficult pregnancies and traumatic deliveries that they will probably have to think twice before signing up to go through the same ordeal a second or third (much less a tenth or twelfth) time.

Of course, generally speaking, women have been successfully delivering babies for all of human history. Yet pregnancy and childbirth are not without risk. Between 700 and 800 women die in the US each year due to maternal causes (during pregnancy through six weeks postpartum). Though the risk of death is relatively low (far more women die each year in car accidents, for instance), it isn’t zero.

That’s why it’s so important for a couple to discuss this topic frankly and prayerfully in order to arrive at a joint decision regarding family size, while still recognizing it is God who opens and closes the womb.

You need to know that even if you both decide you want a double handful of children, that doesn’t automatically mean you will have them. Likewise, if you decide to limit yourselves to having just one or two children — or even zero – God can certainly overrule that decisions as well by sending you two or three babies at a time or by blessing you with a pregnancy even when you were doing everything in your power to prevent it.

I’m not sure what prompted this question from this listener. Maybe he isn’t even married yet but is simply curious about what caring for a wife and children might someday entail. Or maybe he IS married and is trying to convince a reluctant wife to have more children.

Either way, I’m pretty certain the average woman wouldn’t want her husband (or a potential husband) to pressure her to keep popping out babies just because some stranger on the Internet told him it was safe to do so.

The desire for a large family should ideally come from God, as He is the One to whom you both must look to sustain you when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will from time to time, regardless how many children you ultimately have or don’t have.

The next question is admittedly niche. Sherrie writes…

QUESTION: What’s the best way to teach math?

What curriculum [do you use] to teach Algebra? I run a cottage school, and we are having [a hard time finding a curriculum that works]! I would love to know what your co-op has used.

Thanks,

Sherrie

ANSWER: It all depends on how much time you can devote to teaching

My very favorite math curriculum and what I’ve always used with my own children (and still do) is Saxon Math – at least for grades 4 and up. Saxon didn’t have a curriculum for grades K-3 back when we first started homeschooling, so I had to find something else for the younger grades. My favorite for the early years is Horizons workbooks, and I stuck with those until my kids are ready for Saxon 54.

In the PRO column for Saxon, is:

1) It is straightforward. I can teach the material cover to cover, and with the exception of fractional part equations, Saxon explains everything exactly as I would explain it myself. So it is intuitive for me as a teacher. Also…

2) The books are non-consumeable. So I’ve been able to use the same textbooks for all twelve of my children and several of my grandchildren now, as well.

3) It teaches to mastery. Once most of my kids finish Algebra 2, they’ve been ready and able to CLEP out of College Algebra. Ditto for passing the Pre-Calculus CLEP after finishing Saxon Advanced Math. And those of my children who went all the way through Saxon calculus with me at home earned college credit for calculus through CLEP exams, as well.

4) The fourth thing in Saxon’s PRO column is something some students want to place in the CON column, and that is the fact Saxon has a lot of review in every homework set. It adds up to 25-30 questions a day, which to some kids seems like a lot. But I’m of the opinion that, if you understand the concepts, you’ll be able to get through all that review pretty fast. And if you don’t, then you really need the extra practice.

However, I’ve also taught Algebra 1 and 2 at my homeschool co-op for many years, and Saxon would not work very well at all for a class that meets only once a week (which in such a setting would be another CON). So I use Math-U-See to teach my co-op kids.

The PRO of this curricula is that it introduces only one new concept a week, followed by five homework problem sets and a test — perfect for co-op. I cover the topic on Mondays, the students do a worksheet on that topic each day and take a test over the weekend before moving on to a new topic the following week.

The CON is that the student workbook has no kind of instruction in it, so if a student misses class, he can’t really read over the concepts on his own unless his family also buys the textbook or invests in the DVDs of Steve Demme teaching each lesson.

Also, Math-U-See Algebra 2 includes a few geometry problems on every test, despite the fact that no geometry is ever explained in the text book or taught in class or reviewed in the homework assignments. And my students who have not yet taken Geometry are sometimes clueless as how to solve those problems.

(My solution: I count those as extra credit — students who solve them correctly get extra points added to their test grade, but students who miss them don’t lose any points for not knowing how to work them.)

Now, for some reason, the leadership at my co-op decided to switch math curriculum  a few years ago and went with Alpha Omega Life Pacs. I’ve used Life Pacs to teach physical science before at home and thought they were okay, but it was extremely stressful trying to adapt Alpha-Omega’s Algebra curriculum for my co-op classes and I absolutely dreaded teaching the class that semester — despite the fact that I’ve always LOVED algebra (really math, in general) – enough to major in math in college and do two years of graduate work in the same field.

The PRO for Alpha-Omega is that: The workbooks do contain some instruction and examples, so students who miss class can review the material on their own.

Cons: The course is meant to be used with video instruction, so there was not really a good teacher’s guide with well-laid-out lesson plans available for me to use in class. Also, the homework was insane — as many as 450 problems per week, and much of that was busy work with vague explanations of what students were expected. Like “Make up a problem about such-and-such then solve it on your own.” Such non-discrete answers were a nightmare to grade when I had 9 or 10 students turning in nearly 500 problems each. There was simply no way I could check that amount of homework with any degree of thoroughness in the couple hours I had access to students’ completed assignments. 

In the end, we didn’t even make it six weeks before we abandoned that curriculum and went back to Math-U-See.  In fact, one of the leaders in our homeschool Co-op (NOT the one who chose the new curriculum) later confided to me that the AO Life Pacs were what convinced her mother to homeschool in the first place. The small private school in which she’d enrolled her oldest daughters used LifePacs and the curriculum was giving her little girls fits, as well. So she eventually decided she could do a better job educating them at home with a different curriculum, so that’s what she did!

My next question comes from a subscriber named Mary Alice. She writes…

QUESTION: Could you compose a new pledge of allegiance?

Dear Jennifer,

I so enjoy your emails & podcasts – even at my age – 83! Thank you for working so hard to plant values in the younger generation of women. 

When I read there is a day in September to honor The Pledge of Allegiance to our country. I am wondering if you have, or would be willing to compose, a Pledge of Allegiance to our Creator God who blesses us so abundantly.

Thank you for giving thought to that. Blessings in your ministry for the Lord & women,

Mary Alice 

ANSWER: I’d be glad to! Will this one work?

Well, I thought that was a really sweet idea and of course I was happy to fulfill that simple request.

Our homeschool group pledges allegiance to the American flag and to the Bible every Monday morning, but I’ve never encountered a pledge to the Creator before. So I wrote one myself. It goes like this:

I pledge allegiance to the LORD,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
And to my Savor, Jesus Christ,
Who died for my sins
then rose again
to the praise and Glory of God.

I designed a pretty printable version, as well, which I’ll link in today’s show notes along with the Pledge to the Bible and the Pledge to the US Flag, in case you might be interested in any or all three.

Next is a question from a reader in South Africa. He writes…

QUESTION: Only for American Officers?

Good day, I was just looking at your Prayer for Police. Are you from America? And is the ” symbol for Police” also for America or can it be used all over the world? I am from South Africa.

[The symbol he is referencing was just some black line clip art I used at the top of this particular printable, which I’ll link in today’s show notes. And I’ll also include a link to a new prayer guide for the military, another (related) reader request I recently fulfilled.]

ANSWER: They all need prayer!

My answer to this international reader is that police badges differ from city to city and state to state. The symbol I used is not official. It was only meant to be a generic representation of law and order. I do not see any problem for people to use that symbol or pray that prayer for officers in other parts of the world. Because Police need divine strength and protection, no matter where they serve.

QUESTION: Recommended reading list for boys?

My next question is about books. A subscriber named Carol writes:

Do you have a “must read” book list for high school boys before graduating? If so, please share.

ANSWER: No (not yet!)

I don’t presently have any such post on the blog. But I should! I think that’s a great idea.

Off the top of my head, I think such a list would include…

The Men We Need – by Brant HansonDo Hard Things – by Alex and Brett HarrisCreated for Work – by Bob Schultz (sadly out of print)Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. RyleBiographies of George Muller and Brother AndrewMore Than Meets the Eye by Richard Swensen

Those are all non-fiction. As for Fiction, I’d also include

The Iron Ring and First Two Lives of Lucas Kasha by Lloyd AlexanderAs well as The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd AlexanderThe Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. TolkienThe Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (especially The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Prince Caspian, and The Horse and His Boy. And the Magician’s Nephew. And Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Really all of them are great.Also, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper LeeWhere the Red Fern Grows by Wilson RawlsWonder and also White Bird by RJ PalacioCarry on Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee LathamRestart and Schooled by Mark KormanA Single Shard by Linda Sue ParkOld Yeller by Fred Gipson

Those were a few of the books my boys really liked that would probably make the list. If you are listening and can think of any I’ve missed, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll do my best to expand upon this list and turn it into a post. Thanks for the inspiration.

QUESTION: The Men We Need?

The next question is about books, too. Melanie writes…

Hi Jennifer, 

I don’t know if your emails are designed to be answered, but I’m assuming since “friends” told you about the broken links, that you’ll see this reply.

I’m wondering about the book that you recommended, The Men We Need.  Do you think it would be appropriate for a pre-teen? 

Melanie

ANSWER: Yes and Yes

My ANSWER to both questions is yes:

Yes, My newsletters are designed to be answered, so you can just hit reply anytime you have something to say to me.

And also, yes. I think The Men We Need could be safely read by a preteen. I do not remember anything that would be objectionable for younger kids to read in Hanson’s book, alhtough I wasn’t specifically looking at it through that lens.

I think my youngest sons were 14 and 17 when we first read it and my daughter was 12. You might consider reading the book aloud to your preteens so you can discuss it as you go. It is simultaneously funny and sobering. Let me know what you think if you end up reading it (or listening to the audiobook) together!

Then, my last question today is from a reader who writes….

QUESTION:  How do you deal with misbehaving children who visit your home?

“One question that I have struggled with for years — and so I am reaching out to you for mentoring — is how to deal with other people’s children who are permitted to run wild in my home by their own parents.  I just had this happen last week, and I feel like when these families come over their children burst through the doors like a hurricane and the parents just watch and say nothing.  

“There are no boundaries, and some moms just credit their children’s behavior to “curiosity”.  It feels so awkward to me to say something “right then and there”, but as an older women now — who did not permit her children to act that way — I feel like need to and should say something.  I feel very uncomfortable and like the parents do not respect the privacy and sanctity of our home when they allow their children to act that way.  

“Even as I see this happening, however, I struggle SO much to confront it in the moment because I do not want to embarrass the parents or make them feel bad.  I just don’t know what to say, and I get so frustrated and angry with myself, more than anything.  

“As my husband and I were raising our 3 kids, we wanted people be happy to see us coming … not happy to see us going, and yet that is honestly how I feel when families like these come to our home — and they are Christian families, not unbelievers.  When our children were little I gleaned a lot of wisdom from older parents in our church who were a few steps ahead of us, as well as from solid, biblical authors or raising children.  

“We did not believe in child-proofing our home because the World is not child-proofed.  By teaching our children what “NO” meant at home, I was able to go to a store, someone else’s un-baby-proofed home or office, and I did not have to worry about my children being out of control, breaking something or embarrassing me.  

“I truly wanted our children to be a blessing wherever we went.   As the Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (ESV)  These children feel very much out of control, and while I want to practice hospitality, boundaries are necessary because “curiosity” can be very costly and even dangerous with boundaries. 

Thank you for taking my question and listening.  I was wrestling with this so much today and then I saw your [newsletter] pop into my email and so I thought “I’m going to ask Jennifer” what she would do!  : )

ANSWER: Proceed with caution

This particular reader is not the only mom to write me about this problem. I’ve heard from enough others to know what she describes is a common occurrence. So what can we do about it?

It’s a tough question, and something I’ve had to deal with from time to time myself. If the misbehaving kids are unlikely to ever come again, or maybe only once every year or two, I normally try my best to ignore the behavior. I don’t know if that’s really the best course of action, but it seems the most pragmatic for me. 

If, on the other hand, the children in question are regular guests —maybe they belong to members of a small group that meets weekly in your house or are neighbors who frequently drop in for a visit or even grandkids whose parents don’t always enforce the house rules as consistently as you’d like — then we’ve got to come up with a game plan that allows us to firmly but lovingly guide our youngest guests into adopting a higher standard of behavior than may normally be required of them. It will help if everybody living in your house is on the same page, so explain expectations beforehand and enlist the help of spouse and older children to enforce these rules. 

Insist visiting children stay in a public area where you can keep an eye on them at all times. Anticipate short attention spans and curiosity and provide coloring pages or building blocks or puzzles to entertain them while they’re in your home.

If they get bored with one toy, have them pick that one up and put it away before providing for them another. Speak directly to the children with a warm smile and an extra measure of patience. Don’t treat their curiosity as a failure on their parents’ part to train them but assume the role of teacher and encourager yourself as you sweetly explain the rules.

In my experience, parents usually will see this interaction and back you up. If they don’t or if the children are rude and disrespectful, you may have to have the offending children sit out until they can do better.

If the children are left in your care, it is a bit easier to navigate than when the parents are right in the next room. I remember when my oldest grandkids were little, they’d often stay with me while their mother ran errands. And inevitably, when my daughter-in-law came back to get them, she’d always acted surprised that my house still looked clean and the kids were all playing, even if they’d been there all day long including a couple of meals.

But that’s just because I enforced the same rules with them as I had for my own kids growing up. Namely, we cleaned up messes as we went along, with everybody pitching in to help. We’d all work together to get the kitchen cleaned up after meals, and we’d put one toy up before getting another out.  If, for instance, they got tired of playing with Lincoln Logs, we’d pick all those up and put them away before getting out the box of duplos or matchbox cars or dinosaurs.

I have a post called Taming the Toybox that explains our method in more detail. I’ll like that in the show notes, as well as a free printable chart of age-appropriate chores for children – in case you need a little inspiration.

As for correcting other people’s errant children, I would also recommend praying about the situation. That’s always the best place to start. God promises in James 1:5 that He will give wisdom to all who ask, and He will undoubtedly help you in this sticky situation as well.

In my experience, unless you are really very close, confronting parents directly about their children’s wild behavior rarely goes over well. It is hard to do that without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous. And anybody who’s raised as many children as I have knows that young kids are full of surprises and do not always behave as parents hope —  even when parents work consistently at training to do better.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guest in my home do anything so outrageous that one of my own children hadn’t tried something equally as shocking first at some point in their life.

In fact, just last week, one of my youngest little grandkids snuck off unnoticed to a bathroom in the back of our house and opened a drawer of my closet desk, pulled out two or three sets of calligraphy markers and several bottles of glue, and dropped them all – one-by-one — into the toilet.

When his mother found out, she seemed mortified, but I well remember when my own daughter – who incidentally just turned 26 yesterday – did the same thing as a toddler, only she flushed the evidence. And I had to call the plumber 3 days in a row before he finally pulled the toilet and realized the u-trap was filled with a matrix of markers all jammed up like so many pixie sticks – so that water and even a little toilet paper could easily flush right through, but nothing solid could go down.

At least when little Lukie did the same thing, the water was clean, and he wasn’t able to reach the buttons on top of my toilet to flush all those craft supplies, so it was an easy matter to just fish everything back out of the bowl, dry it off, and put it away.

The point is, kids will be kids, but they do need guidance. Perhaps the mom who is sitting on your couch letting her kids run wild like a hurricane is feeling overwhelmed or at a loss as to how to reign them back in. So do your best to graciously redirect them. Read them a story. Serve them a snack. Give them some blocks to play with on the floor by your feet.

If they’re older, put them to work by hiring them to pick up pinecones or rake the leaves in your yard and keep them busy that way. Be gracious and loving, but also firm about enforcing the rules. Their Mom is sure to take notice and may even learn a few new strategies to try out at home.

The post EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, & Correcting Other People’s Children appeared first on Loving Life at Home.