Tara Ariano's Blog

We’ve lived in Los Angeles since last August, but I still sometimes get asked if I miss New York. Of course I do; it’s still the greatest city in the world, whether I live there or not (isn’t that magnanimous of me?). The way I usually answer this question is truthfully: I say that the things you miss about New York are replaced by things in L.A. that are also pretty good. I miss seasons, but I like the almost-always-beautiful weather here. I miss walking most places, but the conveniences one enjoys when one has a car are nice too. If the person who asks the question still lives in New York, I don’t say how much I love our apartment, and how being able to buy and store more than four rolls of toilet paper feels like an unimaginable luxury.

I also say we could always move back, even though I’m pretty sure Dave is done with New York. And though the last year has been great and I really do like it here, I guess I still thought of my residence here as temporary until this segment last night on The Daily Show (which I can’t embed here, apparently).

I don’t want to reopen the Chicago vs. New York pizza “debate,” because there is no debate: obviously New York’s is superior. But when both of those cities’ representatives ended the segment by crapping on California pizza, my honest reaction surprised me. First, I was offended by how unfair it was. No one thinks California pizza is anything special (though, that said, I had a pretty amazing white pizza with a fried egg on it last week at Pizzeria Mozza that I highly recommend). But right on the heels of that was what I actually yelled at the TV:

“TELL ME WHEN YOU FIND A DECENT TACO IN NEW YORK.”

You were already out of the shower when I arrived, and yet still hadn’t finished your hair and makeup in the hour I spent exercising. Good God, Lemon.

Please consider exercising at home, or at least outdoors, if the noises you make on the elliptical machine are indistinguishable from the noises you make during a shuddering climax.

Just because they have laces doesn’t mean you’re supposed to work out in them, you tit.

[image error]While my heart goes out to the California homeowners whose house was damaged during a Mythbusters segment, I would be remiss if I did not use the incident as a teachable moment regarding the very real destruction that reality shows wreak every day, but which the shows' various networks keep out of the news. Sure, you haven't heard about any of these other mishaps, but that doesn't mean they didn't happen.* Wake up, sheeple!

Stacy and Clinton buried a contributor ( What Not To Wear 's word for its makeover subjects) in Crocs, suffocating her.
Though the  Survivor  opening credits identify contestants as "Americans," since the show's premiere, three contestants have been native Canadians.
That guy on My Strange Addiction  who ate glass was fine, physically, but then on the way out of the therapist's office, he tripped on a mat and broke his collarbone.
One time on  Hoarders , they totally found a dead kitty! :(


Teen Mom baby Leah had her soul stolen by one of the production's cameras.
Top Chef  contestants tend to enter the competition with ten fingers each, but not all of them have left that way. (Ditto toes.)
America's Supernanny put a kid in time-out and forgot about him for three days.
Property Virgins subjects always think it can't happen to them, but many of them get pregnant in the very first house they tour.
One time on The Amazing Race , the last team to arrive at the Pit Stop didn't get eliminated! :(
Every lady on the Bob Guiney season of The Bachelor got Legionnaire's Disease.

*It also doesn't mean they did happen, because they didn't, except for the ones that did.

[image error]I don't care how many towels you put down, it's just not okay for you to straddle a two-foot-wide bench when you're naked.

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