Russell A. Irving's Blog
July 25, 2018
DIFFERENT MEMORIES
"Yes, you did!'
"No, I did not say that!"
" I was standing right here, yesterday, when you promised to do it!"
"I said that I would do it this weekend! - Weekend! - Not, yesterday." - Don't you ever listen to what I say?"
"I'm not stupid! I know what I heard you say. You just want an excuse because you chose to go out with your sister, instead. - Admit it!"
"I will not admit to something that I did not say. - I am so tired of you twisting my words!"
Sound familiar? With only a few word substitutions, many couples can remember the times when this scenario played out. - One of you accusing the other of saying something that they claim is a twisting of their words.
And, obviously, you believed, with all of your heart and soul, that you said what you believe that you said. And can only assume that your spouse was either not paying close attention, or is simply wanting to be a jerk.
Face it! We are all guilty, at one time or another, of 'mis-hearing' or 'mis-remembering ' a conversation.
Many times, it is because we know what we would like to hear for a response from our spouse. - For example: We want them to agree to doing a dreaded chore, that day, and not later. Or, we do not want to hear them say that they forgot to mail a bill on time. Or, we want them to say 'yes' to having our parents stay for an extended visit.
Other times, our faulty memory is due to our multi-tasking at the time of the conversation. And, face it: with a screaming child tugging at our clothes or a crucial touchdown about to take place on TV, we truly only give our divided attention.
Then, of course, there is that other possibility. One which we virtually never want to admit could be the case. That our spouse truly believes they heard other words being said. - And, whether or not it is because they were distracted, or wanted to hear what would satisfy their needs, is irrelevant. - The bottom-line is that they truly believe another version of events than you do. Without attempting to manipulate you or get themselves out of trouble.
Now, I am not saying that they are not purposely distorting what was actually uttered. Only that it is very likely you each simply heard something different.
Have you ever watched a courtroom drama on TV where each witness to a crime remembers something very different from the others? - That represents reality. And, so does the possibility of each of you mis-hearing the other.
Bottom-line, think of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. And, if this is a chronic circumstance, then try to eliminate distractions which might be at work here. Touch base with them, later, regarding the topic. Simply to avoid a blowout, down the road.
Remember: Communication is not always an easy task, but mis-communications are almost always a very difficult matter to correct!
"No, I did not say that!"
" I was standing right here, yesterday, when you promised to do it!"
"I said that I would do it this weekend! - Weekend! - Not, yesterday." - Don't you ever listen to what I say?"
"I'm not stupid! I know what I heard you say. You just want an excuse because you chose to go out with your sister, instead. - Admit it!"
"I will not admit to something that I did not say. - I am so tired of you twisting my words!"
Sound familiar? With only a few word substitutions, many couples can remember the times when this scenario played out. - One of you accusing the other of saying something that they claim is a twisting of their words.
And, obviously, you believed, with all of your heart and soul, that you said what you believe that you said. And can only assume that your spouse was either not paying close attention, or is simply wanting to be a jerk.
Face it! We are all guilty, at one time or another, of 'mis-hearing' or 'mis-remembering ' a conversation.
Many times, it is because we know what we would like to hear for a response from our spouse. - For example: We want them to agree to doing a dreaded chore, that day, and not later. Or, we do not want to hear them say that they forgot to mail a bill on time. Or, we want them to say 'yes' to having our parents stay for an extended visit.
Other times, our faulty memory is due to our multi-tasking at the time of the conversation. And, face it: with a screaming child tugging at our clothes or a crucial touchdown about to take place on TV, we truly only give our divided attention.
Then, of course, there is that other possibility. One which we virtually never want to admit could be the case. That our spouse truly believes they heard other words being said. - And, whether or not it is because they were distracted, or wanted to hear what would satisfy their needs, is irrelevant. - The bottom-line is that they truly believe another version of events than you do. Without attempting to manipulate you or get themselves out of trouble.
Now, I am not saying that they are not purposely distorting what was actually uttered. Only that it is very likely you each simply heard something different.
Have you ever watched a courtroom drama on TV where each witness to a crime remembers something very different from the others? - That represents reality. And, so does the possibility of each of you mis-hearing the other.
Bottom-line, think of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. And, if this is a chronic circumstance, then try to eliminate distractions which might be at work here. Touch base with them, later, regarding the topic. Simply to avoid a blowout, down the road.
Remember: Communication is not always an easy task, but mis-communications are almost always a very difficult matter to correct!
April 9, 2018
When A Cheater Cheats
Check out this audio segment. Then, order this media-acclaimed book at Amazon! Or Barnes and Noble.
Listen to WHEN A CHEATER CHEATS at http://improveyourmarriagethebook.com...
Thank you.
Russ
Listen to WHEN A CHEATER CHEATS at http://improveyourmarriagethebook.com...
Thank you.
Russ
February 12, 2018
How To Celebrate Valentine's Day - Suggestions
It's that time of year! VALENTINE'S DAY!
And, what do you do to celebrate it! What should you avoid doing?
While every couple's expectations are different, allow me to share some advice garnered over decades of marriage (and before that, dating).
#1 DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH - Why not? Well, 'Life Happens'. Just as with the Holiday Season, it is easy to be disappointed when our fantasy expectations do not materialize. So, plan some, expect some, but don't put too much into what you hope will materialize. If things go wonderfully, then you can be ecstatic.
#2 PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THE DAY - Winging it shows. And it shows 'badly'.
#3 CARDS ARE GREAT, BUT... - Try writing something personal in the card. You do not have to be a poet. Simply heartfelt.
#4 SHOW APPRECIATION - For whatever your spouse does. At least they did not forget the day, or you! So, while they might not have done whatever you had hoped for, they did something to express their love for you.
#5 STAY HOME OR RENT A ROOM IN A HOTEL - Restaurateurs will hate me for saying this, but far too many folks complain of poor service and even poorer food on Valentine's Day. So, stay home. Perhaps order some takeout. Or, if you do not usually cook meals, then surprise your wife or husband and prepare something special. (But it does not need to be 'gourmet'.) Why not prepare a meal, together? Sometimes you both need a change of scenery and perhaps time away from your children.
#6 INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN - Kids love showing their love for their parent of the opposite sex! So let them get a card, perhaps a small gift. Even bake something. Or, set the table for dinner. - Be a positive role model for your children.
#7 BE INTIMATE - Notice that I did not say, 'Have Intercourse'. Why not? Well, pressure to 'perform' can lead to disappointment, if you catch my drift. There are many ways to be physically intimate without intercourse. And 'making out' can be a rush, in and of itself. If one thing does happen to lead to another, then, go with the flow.
#8 FLOWER ALTERNATIVES - While roses are a frequently welcomed Valentine's Day gift, as with eating out, quality can be less than ideal and prices more than expected. Balloons, candy, jewelry, lingerie (for him, as well as her), a movie or cd, coupon valid for date of your spouse's choice, and... are all great alternatives.
#9 LOCK LIPS - Few actions say, 'I Love You', more than a kiss.
#10 LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM - Don't take that they know, for granted.
Happy Valentine's Day!
'Nuff said!
Check out the book, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - DON'T OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS ! https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Your-M...
And, what do you do to celebrate it! What should you avoid doing?
While every couple's expectations are different, allow me to share some advice garnered over decades of marriage (and before that, dating).
#1 DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH - Why not? Well, 'Life Happens'. Just as with the Holiday Season, it is easy to be disappointed when our fantasy expectations do not materialize. So, plan some, expect some, but don't put too much into what you hope will materialize. If things go wonderfully, then you can be ecstatic.
#2 PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO THE DAY - Winging it shows. And it shows 'badly'.
#3 CARDS ARE GREAT, BUT... - Try writing something personal in the card. You do not have to be a poet. Simply heartfelt.
#4 SHOW APPRECIATION - For whatever your spouse does. At least they did not forget the day, or you! So, while they might not have done whatever you had hoped for, they did something to express their love for you.
#5 STAY HOME OR RENT A ROOM IN A HOTEL - Restaurateurs will hate me for saying this, but far too many folks complain of poor service and even poorer food on Valentine's Day. So, stay home. Perhaps order some takeout. Or, if you do not usually cook meals, then surprise your wife or husband and prepare something special. (But it does not need to be 'gourmet'.) Why not prepare a meal, together? Sometimes you both need a change of scenery and perhaps time away from your children.
#6 INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN - Kids love showing their love for their parent of the opposite sex! So let them get a card, perhaps a small gift. Even bake something. Or, set the table for dinner. - Be a positive role model for your children.
#7 BE INTIMATE - Notice that I did not say, 'Have Intercourse'. Why not? Well, pressure to 'perform' can lead to disappointment, if you catch my drift. There are many ways to be physically intimate without intercourse. And 'making out' can be a rush, in and of itself. If one thing does happen to lead to another, then, go with the flow.
#8 FLOWER ALTERNATIVES - While roses are a frequently welcomed Valentine's Day gift, as with eating out, quality can be less than ideal and prices more than expected. Balloons, candy, jewelry, lingerie (for him, as well as her), a movie or cd, coupon valid for date of your spouse's choice, and... are all great alternatives.
#9 LOCK LIPS - Few actions say, 'I Love You', more than a kiss.
#10 LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM - Don't take that they know, for granted.
Happy Valentine's Day!
'Nuff said!
Check out the book, IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE - DON'T OVERLOOK THE OBVIOUS ! https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Your-M...
January 31, 2018
Believe Your Marriage Will...
Believe that your marriage will last.
You have your doubts.
You wake up and roll over to look at the face lying next to you. And, you have doubts.
Who wouldn't? You've been married for a while, now. And, the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. There are children, financial pressures, work stress, commitments, housework... Too much on your shoulders. Yes, that is it! Too much falls upon you. They aren't pulling their share!
And, to top it all off, they aren't affectionate or loving or sexual, as they used to be. Or, they want too much of you, not realizing how burned out you are.
Or, they tune out with sports, Facebook, drinking, time away from home, or any myriad of ways not to spend time with you.
And, you are not only fed up, you have serious doubts as to why you should be there with them. To roll over and to see their face, morning after morning. Night after night.
And, you once had such high hopes for this marriage. That it would be fun, a true partnership, and one that would last.
Well, all or some of your complaints are probably valid. At least to some extent. (You know that it is human nature for us to exaggerate things, especially when life is not going as planned.)
The fact is that your spouse probably has some concerns and complaints of their own. (Imagine!)
The reality is that the moment you stop believing that your marriage will last. That things can and will improve, the odds that it will be what you hope for, diminish greatly.
Once you focus on a positive outcome, and try convincing yourself that it is in fact what will take place, the easier it will be to deal with some of the problems that you currently dwell on. And, there will be a cascading effect. A small worry will have less power over your mind and day. That in turn will free up energy to find a better method for coping with some other stress.
And, of course, you need to communicate with your spouse. That does not mean to jump down their throat or yell at them. Or, to unload more than 1 issue at a time. Baby steps...
Ask any businessman or homeless person who regained their life and dignity. They will tell you just how powerful a positive belief in a positive future had on their life.
It is no different with marriage. - So start believeing in the power of your love and future together.
'Nuff said!
You have your doubts.
You wake up and roll over to look at the face lying next to you. And, you have doubts.
Who wouldn't? You've been married for a while, now. And, the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. There are children, financial pressures, work stress, commitments, housework... Too much on your shoulders. Yes, that is it! Too much falls upon you. They aren't pulling their share!
And, to top it all off, they aren't affectionate or loving or sexual, as they used to be. Or, they want too much of you, not realizing how burned out you are.
Or, they tune out with sports, Facebook, drinking, time away from home, or any myriad of ways not to spend time with you.
And, you are not only fed up, you have serious doubts as to why you should be there with them. To roll over and to see their face, morning after morning. Night after night.
And, you once had such high hopes for this marriage. That it would be fun, a true partnership, and one that would last.
Well, all or some of your complaints are probably valid. At least to some extent. (You know that it is human nature for us to exaggerate things, especially when life is not going as planned.)
The fact is that your spouse probably has some concerns and complaints of their own. (Imagine!)
The reality is that the moment you stop believing that your marriage will last. That things can and will improve, the odds that it will be what you hope for, diminish greatly.
Once you focus on a positive outcome, and try convincing yourself that it is in fact what will take place, the easier it will be to deal with some of the problems that you currently dwell on. And, there will be a cascading effect. A small worry will have less power over your mind and day. That in turn will free up energy to find a better method for coping with some other stress.
And, of course, you need to communicate with your spouse. That does not mean to jump down their throat or yell at them. Or, to unload more than 1 issue at a time. Baby steps...
Ask any businessman or homeless person who regained their life and dignity. They will tell you just how powerful a positive belief in a positive future had on their life.
It is no different with marriage. - So start believeing in the power of your love and future together.
'Nuff said!
December 28, 2017
Which Way To Look, This New Year's
Which Way To Look, This New Year's
Well, another year is passing by.
Some of you will be 'looking backward' instead of forward.
What do I mean? Simply that you tend to live your life looking in the rearview mirror. Any and all regrets are not only still occupying your present thoughts, but they overwhelm your mind and heart so that nothing else can be seen. When that happens, you not only miss out on great moments with your spouse and perhaps your children... You miss out on wonderful feelings and chances for new paths in life.
Your marriage will also suffer from this 'hindsight' point of view.
All spouses screw up somewhere along the way. Whether 'for real' or simply in your own judgment is immaterial. Why? Because you will make your spouse 'pay' for what they did.
No! I am not saying that you should ignore abuse, neglect, adultery, addictions... But, I am saying that for the routine ways in which your husband or wife upset, pissed-off, puzzled, or not lived up to your expectations from them or your marriage, move on. (As long as you hashed out the situation. If you didn't, then what are you waiting for!)
For example... Your spouse made a foolish purchase, but they are normally wise with money. - They did not get the promotion that you hoped for. - You weren't thrilled with your anniversary present. - You had a few rough months that have since passed. - You felt unappreciated for a while, but that feeling also passed. - There were harsh words spoken, but they were later followed up with an apology.
Then, there are some of you who know that you were not the partner in life that you should have been. - You were neglectful. - You strayed emotionally or physically. - You were moody and took out your frustrations on your wife or husband. - You were not affectionate. - You deprived them (and yourself) of the pleasures of sexual intimacy. - You spent most or all of your free time on Facebook, playing WOW, or working.
Bottomline, this is a time for reflection, but also for revving up your engine and going forward. Don't forget to ask your spouse to come along for the ride... I mean, 'adventure'!
'Nuff said!
Well, another year is passing by.
Some of you will be 'looking backward' instead of forward.
What do I mean? Simply that you tend to live your life looking in the rearview mirror. Any and all regrets are not only still occupying your present thoughts, but they overwhelm your mind and heart so that nothing else can be seen. When that happens, you not only miss out on great moments with your spouse and perhaps your children... You miss out on wonderful feelings and chances for new paths in life.
Your marriage will also suffer from this 'hindsight' point of view.
All spouses screw up somewhere along the way. Whether 'for real' or simply in your own judgment is immaterial. Why? Because you will make your spouse 'pay' for what they did.
No! I am not saying that you should ignore abuse, neglect, adultery, addictions... But, I am saying that for the routine ways in which your husband or wife upset, pissed-off, puzzled, or not lived up to your expectations from them or your marriage, move on. (As long as you hashed out the situation. If you didn't, then what are you waiting for!)
For example... Your spouse made a foolish purchase, but they are normally wise with money. - They did not get the promotion that you hoped for. - You weren't thrilled with your anniversary present. - You had a few rough months that have since passed. - You felt unappreciated for a while, but that feeling also passed. - There were harsh words spoken, but they were later followed up with an apology.
Then, there are some of you who know that you were not the partner in life that you should have been. - You were neglectful. - You strayed emotionally or physically. - You were moody and took out your frustrations on your wife or husband. - You were not affectionate. - You deprived them (and yourself) of the pleasures of sexual intimacy. - You spent most or all of your free time on Facebook, playing WOW, or working.
Bottomline, this is a time for reflection, but also for revving up your engine and going forward. Don't forget to ask your spouse to come along for the ride... I mean, 'adventure'!
'Nuff said!
December 8, 2017
How to Celebrate the Holidays in an Interfaith Marriage
Traditional marriages can be difficult enough to succeed at, especially at the Holidays when expectations are high. As is tension. So, imagine how it is in an Interfaith Marriage. What?! You know?
Well, here are some thoughts that some of you might get ideas from. Remember: You make the final decisions as to whether or not to follow what is offered.
SO, CHECK OUT:
How to Celebrate the Holidays in an Interfaith Marriage
AT
http://improveyourmarriagethebook.com...
Well, here are some thoughts that some of you might get ideas from. Remember: You make the final decisions as to whether or not to follow what is offered.
SO, CHECK OUT:
How to Celebrate the Holidays in an Interfaith Marriage
AT
http://improveyourmarriagethebook.com...
November 4, 2017
Married? But Home Alone?
Married? Home tonight? Check out the podcast of WHEN WAS YOUR LAST DATE? - Go to http://www.improveyourmarriagethebook... and click the link for it. On right hand side, partly down the page.
October 25, 2017
When They Act Like A Fool
Your spouse realizes
That they acted as a fool would.
They do not need you
Reminding them of that fact.
Admit it!
We love to laugh at someone when they open their mouth and insert both, oversized feet. Or, we eagerly anticipate certain people making the expected faux pas, so that we can spread the news of it. (And, thank goodness that the internet makes that a whole lot easier to do!) We also love to remind people of when they made a fool of themselves. It makes us seem 'more perfect' or 'powerful'.
Most humor is done at the expense of someone else. Their mistakes. Stupidity. Over-inflated ego. Mini tragedies that befall them.
With that acknowledged, let's switch gears, and think of your spouse.
They undoubtedly, from time to time (or perhaps more frequently), say or do something incredibly embarassing or foolish. (For example, complain about your mother without realizing that she just walked into the room. Or, trying to talk their way out of a speeding ticket by spouting the names of influential people whom you truly don't know.)
Yet, if they are like most folks, they instantly recognize what they have done. So now, they feel embarassed, dumb, or worried. They truly do not need you reminding them of it. They don't need you kicking them while they are down. They certainly, do not need you, holding this over their head, so that you get what you want to from them.
If you don't, they will remember that. It will effect how they relate to you, not only at that moment in time, but for the foreseeable future.
Depending upon their nature, they will either anxiously await your next foolish move or they will withdraw and become less willing to share portions of their day with you.
And, finally, exchange places with them...
Did they feel oh, sooo good? Or, pretty lousy? And, were you looking for a corner to hide in, or a way to lash back out?
I guess that old 'Golden Rule' thing still applies today. Who knew?
That they acted as a fool would.
They do not need you
Reminding them of that fact.
Admit it!
We love to laugh at someone when they open their mouth and insert both, oversized feet. Or, we eagerly anticipate certain people making the expected faux pas, so that we can spread the news of it. (And, thank goodness that the internet makes that a whole lot easier to do!) We also love to remind people of when they made a fool of themselves. It makes us seem 'more perfect' or 'powerful'.
Most humor is done at the expense of someone else. Their mistakes. Stupidity. Over-inflated ego. Mini tragedies that befall them.
With that acknowledged, let's switch gears, and think of your spouse.
They undoubtedly, from time to time (or perhaps more frequently), say or do something incredibly embarassing or foolish. (For example, complain about your mother without realizing that she just walked into the room. Or, trying to talk their way out of a speeding ticket by spouting the names of influential people whom you truly don't know.)
Yet, if they are like most folks, they instantly recognize what they have done. So now, they feel embarassed, dumb, or worried. They truly do not need you reminding them of it. They don't need you kicking them while they are down. They certainly, do not need you, holding this over their head, so that you get what you want to from them.
If you don't, they will remember that. It will effect how they relate to you, not only at that moment in time, but for the foreseeable future.
Depending upon their nature, they will either anxiously await your next foolish move or they will withdraw and become less willing to share portions of their day with you.
And, finally, exchange places with them...
Did they feel oh, sooo good? Or, pretty lousy? And, were you looking for a corner to hide in, or a way to lash back out?
I guess that old 'Golden Rule' thing still applies today. Who knew?
October 2, 2017
Always Getting Your Way
Well, at least once, the Rolling Stones had it right: You can't always get what you want. And the fact of the matter is that you shouldn't.
"What?" you call out? "Why shouldn't I? I deserve it!"
Okay. First things first.
The moment someone tells me that they always get what their heart desires from their wife or husband, I know that the truth is undoubtedly 1 of 2 things. - They don't always let their spouse know what it is that they truly desire. Or, if they do and their spouse always complies, then I know that their spouse is holding back some amount of frustration, resentment, anger, or a combination of all 3.
Why can't it simply be that their spouse is simply ultra accommodating because they wish to be? Simply because human nature being what it is... The reality that folks often marry someone who compliments their own personality and style... And the fact that no one is always in the mood to please the other person... I know that except for 'the exception to the rule', it's not going to be true.
And, it shouldn't be.
Why not? - Because there will be times when the moment isn't right. Or, they just can't fake a sincere accommodation. Or, they believe that your request is unreasonable or reckless. Perhaps, your desire rubs them the wrong way. Perhaps you have been bitchy or a jerk and shouldn't be accommodated until you apologize or sincerely change your attitude. And, all of these can be valid reasons for turning you down.
And, if there is always a 'Yes' to your request, your marriage has issues with communication. Power. And, perhaps fear. (Fear that you would leave them if you do not get everything that you want when you want it.)
So, while I recommend compromise and occasional concessions, I caution you and your spouse about the dangers of always acquiescing to one another's desires. Because at some point in time you will tire of someone who doesn't show any backbone and is a 'Yes' person. Or, because at some point in time, their pent-up feelings will let loose and probably in an overly dramatic fashion. Or, they will leave you. Perhaps, withdraw so much from you that there might be no turning back.
'Nuff said!
"What?" you call out? "Why shouldn't I? I deserve it!"
Okay. First things first.
The moment someone tells me that they always get what their heart desires from their wife or husband, I know that the truth is undoubtedly 1 of 2 things. - They don't always let their spouse know what it is that they truly desire. Or, if they do and their spouse always complies, then I know that their spouse is holding back some amount of frustration, resentment, anger, or a combination of all 3.
Why can't it simply be that their spouse is simply ultra accommodating because they wish to be? Simply because human nature being what it is... The reality that folks often marry someone who compliments their own personality and style... And the fact that no one is always in the mood to please the other person... I know that except for 'the exception to the rule', it's not going to be true.
And, it shouldn't be.
Why not? - Because there will be times when the moment isn't right. Or, they just can't fake a sincere accommodation. Or, they believe that your request is unreasonable or reckless. Perhaps, your desire rubs them the wrong way. Perhaps you have been bitchy or a jerk and shouldn't be accommodated until you apologize or sincerely change your attitude. And, all of these can be valid reasons for turning you down.
And, if there is always a 'Yes' to your request, your marriage has issues with communication. Power. And, perhaps fear. (Fear that you would leave them if you do not get everything that you want when you want it.)
So, while I recommend compromise and occasional concessions, I caution you and your spouse about the dangers of always acquiescing to one another's desires. Because at some point in time you will tire of someone who doesn't show any backbone and is a 'Yes' person. Or, because at some point in time, their pent-up feelings will let loose and probably in an overly dramatic fashion. Or, they will leave you. Perhaps, withdraw so much from you that there might be no turning back.
'Nuff said!
May 22, 2017
Parents: Pride & Responsibility
Regardless of whether it's your daughter or son, there is great pride when they either go to their high school prom or they graduate. Or both!
But before you get carried away with that wonderful sense of watching your child reach an important milestone, I must remind you that 'responsibility' for their well-being kindof, sortof trumps the beaming that you experience right about now.
Prom night and graduation time will certainly test your commitment to being more of a parent than a friend at this point in their life.
No matter how mature your child is, peer pressure and hormones often trump common sense.
Allowing them to spend the night at a hotel/motel after the big event is a HUGE mistake! Whether or not there are chaperones planned for. Chaperones, if they are responsible, are apt to nod off at some point in the evening. Likewise, they cannot be everywhere at once. And it doesn't take long for a lifetime's worth of heartache to be born.
Parties at your home might be safer, but that does not mean that you will have an easy time doing what you should. So, they will be too young for booze. Of course they will beg and plead. They will point out that they will soon go off to college or trade school or work. And, you obviously would not be able to monitor their behavior then. Well, Mom and Dad, this is when you agree with them, but use that old but true line: While you live in my home and I am paying your bills and legally responsible for you...
Moderate drinking will be suggested. Yet, while you know your child's health issues, you might not know the others'. What if they take certain medications? Or they took some drug beforehand? Or, plan to do so, after you serve them?
Overnight parties at your home pose much of the same risks as the hotel ones do. Except your share of any liability if something goes wrong, increases. A lot! And, you might take the guests' car keys but that doesn't guarantee that they did not hide another set, somewhere. Or that they might simply 'take off' at some point in time.
You also cannot be everywhere at once, so sex, drugs, and even fights can take place without or before you know it.
Bottomline: You need to step up to the plate and be a responsible parent. Your child might yell or scream or throw some other temper tantrum. They might even say, "I hate you!'. But, as someone much wiser than I once said: If your child doesn't say that at least once to you, then you failed as a parent.
'Nuff said.
But before you get carried away with that wonderful sense of watching your child reach an important milestone, I must remind you that 'responsibility' for their well-being kindof, sortof trumps the beaming that you experience right about now.
Prom night and graduation time will certainly test your commitment to being more of a parent than a friend at this point in their life.
No matter how mature your child is, peer pressure and hormones often trump common sense.
Allowing them to spend the night at a hotel/motel after the big event is a HUGE mistake! Whether or not there are chaperones planned for. Chaperones, if they are responsible, are apt to nod off at some point in the evening. Likewise, they cannot be everywhere at once. And it doesn't take long for a lifetime's worth of heartache to be born.
Parties at your home might be safer, but that does not mean that you will have an easy time doing what you should. So, they will be too young for booze. Of course they will beg and plead. They will point out that they will soon go off to college or trade school or work. And, you obviously would not be able to monitor their behavior then. Well, Mom and Dad, this is when you agree with them, but use that old but true line: While you live in my home and I am paying your bills and legally responsible for you...
Moderate drinking will be suggested. Yet, while you know your child's health issues, you might not know the others'. What if they take certain medications? Or they took some drug beforehand? Or, plan to do so, after you serve them?
Overnight parties at your home pose much of the same risks as the hotel ones do. Except your share of any liability if something goes wrong, increases. A lot! And, you might take the guests' car keys but that doesn't guarantee that they did not hide another set, somewhere. Or that they might simply 'take off' at some point in time.
You also cannot be everywhere at once, so sex, drugs, and even fights can take place without or before you know it.
Bottomline: You need to step up to the plate and be a responsible parent. Your child might yell or scream or throw some other temper tantrum. They might even say, "I hate you!'. But, as someone much wiser than I once said: If your child doesn't say that at least once to you, then you failed as a parent.
'Nuff said.
