Carson V. Heady's Blog

Ever feel like you’re throwing darts in the dark? That no matter how hard you aim, plan, or prepare — the target keeps moving, the rules keep changing, and you’re just hoping to hit something that matters?

Lately, that’s what leadership, sales, and even life itself have felt like: an endless series of throws without light, certainty, or applause.

The last few years have been noisy.

Layoffs.

AI headlines every hour.

Endless news cycles that play like background static.

Social media echo chambers that reward outrage over depth.

Micromanagement disguised as accountability.

And the quiet, personal battles we never post about — the ones fought behind the laptop camera and beneath the smile.

For many of us, there’s a growing sense of ambiguity — like we’re being asked to chart a mountain path in the fog without a compass. And if we’re honest, that can be exhausting.

A few years ago, I spent two weeks trekking through Mount Rainier and the Cascades — one of those bucket-list experiences that you think will be about physical endurance, but ends up being about perspective. When you’re up there, visibility changes minute to minute. One moment you can see the horizon; the next, you’re swallowed by cloud. The trail disappears, and all you can do is trust the compass, your training, and your gut.

I would look up and think, there’s no way I can climb that. But when I just focused on landing the next step right in front of me, over and over and over again, I eventually reached incredible peaks and could look back and appreciate the journey.

It’s humbling — because every step is faith. You’re not just climbing a mountain. You’re surrendering to uncertainty, recalibrating constantly, and realizing that progress doesn’t always look like progress.

Sometimes it’s two steps sideways to avoid a crevasse you never saw coming.

That trip became a metaphor for everything since — for leadership, for sales, for parenthood, for life. We are all climbing in low visibility right now. And yet, the climb goes on.

The Illusion of Control

In The Show Must Go On, I wrote about the moments where life completely unravels — layoffs, betrayal, loss, burnout — and how you still have to perform. You still have to get on stage, smile, and deliver.

But the truth I’ve come to realize is that control is mostly an illusion. You can control your message, your habits, your integrity — but you cannot control how the world receives you, or when the spotlight fades.

And yet, that’s liberating. Because once you accept that the world is unpredictable, you can stop wasting energy trying to make it predictable. You focus instead on the throw — the swing, the step, the call, the conversation. You give your best, even when you can’t see the board.

The Discipline of Uncertainty

When I think back to my early sales career, I was always trying to “figure it out.” I wanted guarantees — that effort would equal outcome, that good intentions would be rewarded. But it rarely works that way.

You can do everything right and still miss the mark. You can prepare the perfect message, only for the customer to ghost you. You can build a flawless plan — and then the market shifts overnight.

We are living through a season of professional and personal ambiguity. Even the most experienced leaders are reinventing in real time.

So how do we stay grounded when the ground keeps shifting?

By coming back to what’s real. By focusing on the few things we can control. By showing up, again and again, with integrity, empathy, and persistence — even when it feels like no one’s watching.

The Fog Will Lift

The mountain taught me that the fog always lifts — maybe not when you want it to, but it always does. And when it does, you look back and realize you were never really lost. You were just learning to navigate differently.

That’s what this moment in history feels like: we’re in the fog together, throwing darts in the dark, praying that something connects. But every throw teaches us something about the weight of the dart, the angle of our aim, and the patience of our stance.

We are not powerless. We are practicing. We are learning to see without sight, to trust our process, and to keep throwing.

If you’re feeling uncertain, under pressure, or just off your game lately — you’re not alone.

Some of the most brilliant people I know are questioning everything right now: their path, their purpose, their impact.

And maybe that’s the point. Maybe this season of fog is what refines our aim — not by removing the darkness, but by teaching us to see through it.

So keep throwing. Keep climbing. Keep showing up. Because one of these days, that dart’s going to hit dead center — and you’ll realize every miss was part of the map.

What helps you find focus and meaning when you’re “throwing darts in the dark”? Drop a comment — I’d love to hear your story.

There have been mornings where I had to summon energy or grit I didn’t have — after personal loss, rejection, or exhaustion. But resourcefulness isn’t about what you have… it’s about what you do with it.

Ever wake up and feel like the day’s already gotten away from you?

On the most recent episode of Connected Teamwork, my friend Hylke Faber shared how he started the day with purpose — his morning routine, his coffee, his focus — only to open his calendar and feel instantly overwhelmed.

Zero time. Zero chance to get it all done.

That familiar shade in the mind dropped. He caught himself wanting to be frustrated — ready to declare it a “bad day” before it even began.

But instead… he paused.

He asked:

“What story am I telling myself right now?”

“Who would I be without all this mental clutter?”

“What am I grateful for?”

And suddenly, the day shifted. Gratitude replaced frustration. Perspective replaced panic.

When you zoom out, you can see:

Which priorities are truly mission-critical

Which “balls” in the air are glass — and which can bounce (Thank you Quinton Feltner for this analogy you shared with me recently!!!)

Which stories you’re believing that aren’t serving you

That’s how you turn “I can’t” into “Here’s what’s possible today.”

Because success — and peace — both come from the same muscle: choosing to respond with resourcefulness instead of reaction.

So next time your day feels unmanageable, try this simple shift:

Pause.

Breathe.

Reframe the story.

And remember: you still get to choose how the day goes from here.

Ever notice how the best memories aren’t made in the meetings — they’re made between them? When we step away, time slows down just long enough for us to remember who and what we’re doing it all for.

Vacations aren’t escapes from life — they’re the moments that give life back to us.

Recently, Jeff Kirchick and I talked about how travel keeps us fresh — not just through where we go, but who we go with.

We swapped stories of spontaneous getaways (like flying to Vegas on a whim for the Super Bowl) and meaningful, meticulously planned family trips — from Disney with our kids to New York adventures filled with nostalgia and joy.

What struck me most was how travel evolves with us.

When we’re young, it’s about freedom.

When we grow, it’s about connection.

When we lead, it’s about restoration.

No matter how hard we work — we need moments to refresh, recharge, and reconnect with the people who make it all worthwhile.

The magic is in balancing proactive planning with a bit of spontaneity — because some of the best stories start with “what the heck, let’s just go.”

Take that trip.

Block the time before the calendar fills itself.

And when the chance for a spontaneous adventure presents itself — say yes.

Now I’d love to hear from you:

What’s been your most memorable vacation so far?

And what’s still on your travel bucket list waiting to happen?

Drop your dream destination or a favorite travel story in the comments — let’s inspire each other to plan less, live more, and make memories that outlast the miles.

Leadership #Balance #WorkLifeIntegration #Family #Mindset #Recharge #TravelGoals #Wellbeing #Inspiration

Life and leadership don’t come with a playbook. No matter how much we prepare, how disciplined we are, or how many frameworks we adopt—things will happen that throw us off balance. A tough conversation. A personal tragedy. A shifting business priority. The moment when you open your calendar and realize you’ll never get it all done by noon.

In those moments, the easy thing is to react. To get frustrated. To assume the day is lost. To spiral.

But the truth? Those are the exact moments that define us. They’re the tests of resourcefulness, grit, and perspective. And they remind us that thriving under pressure isn’t about never facing challenges. It’s about how we recalibrate when the challenges hit.

Resourcefulness Begins with Mindset

Hylke Faber shared in our recent Connected Teamwork Podcast that he started his day feeling overwhelmed. He caught himself about to spiral—but instead of giving into frustration, he paused. He asked: What story am I telling myself? What am I grateful for?

That simple pause reframed the day.

I’ve been there myself more times than I can count. I’ve faced days where I didn’t even want to get out of bed—after rejection, loss, or when carrying the constant pressure to perform. Yet resourcefulness begins with this: stepping back, challenging your assumptions, and focusing on gratitude and possibilities instead of problems.

Because every story we tell ourselves has a choice embedded in it: this is impossible… or this is challenge accepted.

The Balcony View

One of the most valuable tools I’ve leaned on is what Hylke and I call the “balcony view.”

When life piles on, zoom out. From the balcony, you can see the big picture: which of the balls you’re juggling are glass (must not drop) and which are rubber (can bounce back if you miss them).

This shift is game-changing. It helps me move from panic to perspective. Instead of obsessing over what’s on fire, I ask: What’s mission critical today? Who do I need to invest in? What can actually wait?

That balcony perspective separates good leaders from great ones. It’s not about doing it all—it’s about doing what matters most.

The Sphere of Care

Here’s something I emphasize with my teams constantly: you cannot serve everyone equally, every moment of every day.

Define your sphere of care. For me, that’s my wife, my kids, my team, my boss, my customers—and yes, myself.

When I prioritize that sphere, I can focus on the people and commitments that truly matter. And if something has to move? It’s almost always outside that core circle.

Resourcefulness isn’t about heroics—it’s about clarity. Knowing what’s yours to do, and what isn’t.

Ruthless Discipline and Self-Care

Resourcefulness also requires discipline. For me, that’s daily non-negotiables—exercise, reflection, creating time to think. Sometimes that looks like taking a meeting on the treadmill. Sometimes it’s a walk outside between calls.

It may sound small, but self-care is not indulgence—it’s strategy. It’s how we summon the energy to serve our teams, our families, and our customers. When you show up depleted, you can’t possibly give your best.

So I practice what I call ruthless discipline with my schedule. Not everything gets my time. But the things that do? They get my best.

Humility and Asking for Help

Here’s another lesson resourcefulness has taught me: it’s not all about me.

My ego wants to believe every challenge is mine alone to solve, right now. But that’s simply not true.

Others are facing similar challenges. I can ask for help. I can tap into the wisdom of a mentor, a peer, or even just a trusted friend. Sometimes the most resourceful move is admitting you don’t have all the answers—and inviting someone else’s perspective into the conversation.

That humility doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger.

Leading Through Fires That Aren’t Fires

Every leader has experienced this: someone comes to you declaring that everything is on fire. The deadline is today. The sky is falling.

Nine times out of ten? It’s not.

You can’t just dismiss them, though. They need to feel seen and heard. The art is slowing down the conversation—asking questions, holding up a mirror, helping them reprioritize. Sometimes you do need to drop everything and respond. More often, you don’t.

The key is making that a conscious choice—not just reacting to noise.

When Overwhelmed, Shrink the Bubble

When I’m overwhelmed, I shrink my bubble to the basics:

Am I centered myself?What does my boss need from me?What does my team need from me?What does my family need from me?

Everything else can wait. From that foundation, I expand outward again.

It’s not about perfect conditions or flawless execution. It’s about giving your best with what’s in front of you—right now.

Challenge Accepted

There’s a line I’ve always loved from Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother: “Challenge accepted.”

That’s how I try to approach life’s “impossible” moments.

Reframe the problem. Lean on your sphere. Tap into your relationships, your creativity, your grit. And when you don’t see the way forward? Step back. Because often, resourcefulness means discovering possibilities you didn’t see before.

So the next time you’re overwhelmed, remember: you have a choice. To react, or to recalibrate. To give in to panic, or to give your best.

Resourcefulness is the difference between getting stuck in the story of “I can’t”… and rewriting it as “Challenge accepted.”

What about you? When was the last time you faced a situation that seemed unmanageable—and how did you summon resourcefulness to move forward?

Success is never a finish line—it’s a checkpoint.

The moment you stand still, assume you’ve “arrived,” or expect the next door to swing open simply because of what you’ve done in the past, you’re already slipping.

Paying dues never ends, and no matter how overqualified you are, someone with stronger relationships, a better reputation, or perceived lower risk might still get the opportunity you think you’ve earned.

The Reality Check Few Talk About

We live in a world where social feeds showcase the highlight reel: promotions, awards, press features, big deals closed. What you don’t see is the other side—the grind, the rejection, the deals that die on the one-yard line, and the countless times someone else gets chosen despite your qualifications.

I’ve experienced it all: jobs created for me but given to others, promotions I thought I had locked only to see someone else selected, and deals where I knew the customer inside and out yet lost because someone else was considered “safer.”

It stings. It feels unjust. And it can knock the wind out of even the most accomplished performers.

I have learned the hard way that no matter how decorated you are, success is never guaranteed.

Relationships, reputation, timing, and perception will always weigh as heavily—sometimes more—than raw results.

Why Paying Dues Never Ends

The phrase “paying dues” often makes people think about the early years—those entry-level grind-it-out jobs where you’re clawing for recognition. But here’s the uncomfortable reality:

When you hit new levels of success, the bar only rises higher.Pedestals lose their shine quickly if you don’t keep performing.Even legendary accomplishments fade in the minds of others as they focus on the next quarter, the next campaign, or the next shiny object.

I’ve won President’s Clubs, closed 9-figure deals, been called the best social seller in tech—and yet, I’ve still been overlooked. I’ve still been told no. I’ve still had to start at square one with people who didn’t know me or didn’t care about what I had done elsewhere.

Why? Because the game resets every day.

The Overqualification Myth

One of the most humbling lessons in my career is that being “overqualified” means absolutely nothing when it comes to landing opportunities.

You may think your resume screams lock for the job.You may believe your track record entitles you to the promotion.You may assume your big win should carry over to the next customer.

But then—somebody else gets chosen. Not because they’re better than you, but because:

They have a stronger relationship with the decision-maker.Their reputation inside the company or with leadership feels more reliable.They appear to be a lower risk on paper.

In those moments, you realize: entitlement is poison. You are never owed the next opportunity.

Reframing the Grind

Instead of resenting this truth, embrace it. Paying dues never ends, but that’s exactly what keeps you sharp, hungry, and relevant.

Here’s how I’ve reframed it:

Every deal, every conversation, every presentation is a new audition.I can’t rest on past wins; I must earn trust daily.I may not win every opportunity, but I can control my preparation, persistence, and presence.

Think about it: if success were permanent, if opportunities were automatic, we’d grow complacent. The grind keeps us dangerous.

Here are some non-negotiables to reframe your perspective on entitlement, success, and opportunity:

Stay Hungry Daily – Past wins don’t guarantee future ones. Treat every day like an audition.

Relationships Trump Résumés – Build genuine, trust-based connections. They’ll outlast any award.

Reputation is Currency – Guard it relentlessly. One misstep can cost you more than a missed quota.

Perception Beats Paper – Even if you’re overqualified, decision-makers choose who feels safest. Earn that trust.

Control the Controllables – Focus on the quality of your outreach, the consistency of your actions, and the value you deliver.

Detach from Entitlement – You aren’t owed anything. Every opportunity must be earned again and again.

Reinvent Constantly – What got you here won’t get you to the next level. Evolve your skills and approach.

Play the Long Game – Today’s “no” could set up tomorrow’s “yes.” Relationships compound over time.

Legacy Over Ego – Think bigger than one deal or one role. Focus on the impact you leave behind.

You will never stop paying dues. The grind never goes away.

But that’s not bad news—it’s the best news possible. Because it means you always have a chance to prove yourself, to rise again, and to separate from the pack.

Stop waiting for opportunities to be handed to you. Go earn them. Over and over again.

Parenting and leadership are 2 of my most important jobs, and leadership is a lot like parenting. You can’t control their decisions—but you can build the foundation and be there to guide and support.

You can’t impose your will.

What you can do is earn the right to influence.

You can listen.

You can invest in the relationships.

You can work diligently to understand their why.

And you can provide the foundation, the tools, and the resources they need to succeed—knowing full well they’ll make their own choices along the way.

And just like with our kids, when they stumble, when they fall short, when they make mistakes—you don’t turn your back. You show up. You support them. You remind them of their strengths, their potential, and the fact that failure is part of the growth process.

Great leadership—and great parenting—isn’t about control.

It’s about trust.

It’s about presence.

Consistency.

It’s about helping others build the confidence to navigate their own journey, knowing you’ll be there to guide, encourage, and catch them when needed.

That’s how you build people who don’t just follow your lead but grow into leaders themselves.

How do you balance giving people freedom to make their own choices while still guiding them as a leader—or as a parent?

#Leadership #Parenting #EmotionalIntelligence #Trust #Relationships #Growth #Coaching #Inspiration #SalesmanOnFire

Salespeople have been told for decades that “discovery calls” are the cornerstone of success. But here’s the harsh truth: discovery meetings are dead.

Your prospect doesn’t want to sit through a session where you pepper them with questions, gather data for your own benefit, and pitch features that sound identical to your competitors. They don’t want to be treated like a science experiment. They don’t want to hear a generic list of what you sell. And they certainly don’t want to waste their time on a meeting that delivers no value for them.

What they want is a consultation.

That was the powerful theme in this week’s episode of Mastering Modern Selling with Tom Burton and special guest Lee Salz, bestselling author of Sales Differentiation, Sell Different, and now The First Meeting Differentiator. Lee has built his career on helping sellers stand out in crowded markets. His message is crystal clear: the first meeting is the deal foundation. If you blow it, the rest of your pipeline is doomed.

Why the First Meeting Matters More Than Anything

Think of the first meeting like a first date.

If you play your cards right, you walk away with momentum—second meetings, new opportunities, and the beginning of trust. If you misstep, you never hear from them again.

Lee points out that thousands of books teach you how to prospect and get a meeting. But before his book, none focused exclusively on what to do when you actually get there. And that’s why so many deals fizzle out after an “interesting” first conversation that goes nowhere.

The goal of the first meeting is simple:

Deliver meaningful value.

Spark enough interest that they want to meet again.

Earn the right to influence the decision.

Discovery vs. Consultation: A Mindset Shift

Discovery meetings typically sound like this: “What I’d like to do today is ask you some questions about your business, and then I’ll tell you about what we offer.”

Sounds harmless. But what did you just communicate? That the meeting is about YOU.

A consultation, by contrast, flips the focus: “For this to be a great use of your time, what do you want to make sure we cover today?”

One question, and suddenly the meeting is about THEM. You’re showing that you care. You’re listening. You’re here to provide meaningful value in exchange for their most precious resource: time.

Why Emotion Wins

Every seller has heard the line: “People buy based on emotion and justify with logic.”

But here’s the problem: almost no one actually practices it.

Most first meetings are a barrage of logical, fact-based questions:

What keeps you up at night?What challenges are you facing?What problems are you solving for?

Those aren’t bad—but they don’t create feeling.

Instead, ask:

“What’s the one thing in your business you absolutely have to figure out right now?”“What do you want your legacy to be in this role?”

Those are emotive questions. They make the prospect pause, reflect, and connect with you on a deeper level. They shift the conversation from facts to feelings, and feelings drive action.

The Target Client Profile (TCP)

Another powerful insight from Lee’s book is the idea of replacing the outdated Ideal Client Profile with the Target Client Profile (TCP).

Why? Because “ideal” lives in your imagination. It’s a lottery ticket, a one-in-a-million prospect.

A Target Client Profile is concrete. It identifies the clients who will perceive the most meaningful value in what you offer. It helps you qualify quickly, invest your time wisely, and avoid chasing deals you’ll never win.

Top sellers don’t waste time—they know that qualifying rigorously in the first meeting saves months of chasing ghost deals.

Storytelling Beats Features Every Time

One of the deadliest sins in sales is showing up to a first meeting armed with features and benefits. Lee calls it “features, benefits, and boredom.”

Prospects don’t remember facts. The forgetting curve tells us they’ll forget 50% within 24 hours and 90% within a week.

But they remember stories.

That’s why sellers need a deal pursuit story portfolio—real, emotive case studies they can share that prove value, show outcomes, and resonate with a prospect’s world.

For example: “What you’ve described reminds me of another executive in your industry. They were struggling with X. We helped them with Y. Here’s the outcome they saw.”

That story is sticky. It makes you credible. And it helps you step into the trusted advisor role.

Consultation Cliffhangers

Here’s another gem: stop giving away everything in the first meeting.

Too many reps throw in demos, compliance experts, executives, product teams—everyone and everything at once. It’s overwhelming and counterproductive.

Instead, create what Lee calls a Consultation Cliffhanger. Think of your favorite TV series ending on a cliffhanger that makes you count the days until the next episode.

That’s exactly how you want your prospect to feel.

Leave them curious. Give them just enough value to want more. And then secure the next meeting on the spot while you still have their attention.

First Meeting Etiquette: Small Things That Matter

Execution details separate amateurs from professionals. Lee highlighted several etiquette rules every seller should practice:

Take notes—but ask permission first. It shows you value what they say.Thank them sincerely. They set aside dozens of priorities to meet with you—acknowledge it.Send a recap the same day. Reinforce the value and keep momentum alive.Always schedule the next step before leaving. Don’t fall into the ghosting trap. If it’s not on the calendar, it won’t happen.

These simple moves compound into massive trust.

The Sales Leader’s Role

It’s not just on sellers. Sales leaders have to embed this culture shift into their teams. That means:

Training reps to ask emotive questions.Equipping them with story portfolios.Building TCP frameworks collaboratively.Coaching them on etiquette and follow-up discipline.

Lee designed The First Meeting Differentiator as more than a book—it’s a practical guide with downloads, exercises, and workshops to help leaders institutionalize this mindset.

Final Thoughts: Differentiate Where It Counts

At the end of the day, the first meeting is where differentiation matters most.

If you show up sounding like every other seller—generic questions, product pitches, feature dumps—you’ll be forgotten. If you show up as a consultant, asking emotive questions, delivering value, telling stories, and focusing on THEM, you’ll be remembered.

The first meeting is the deal foundation. It determines whether there will be a second, a third, or a signed contract.

Discovery meetings must die. Consultations win deals.

And as Lee Salz reminds us in The First Meeting Differentiator—the right approach in those first 30 minutes doesn’t just set you apart. It sets you up to win.

The strongest leaders aren’t the ones who always have the answers, but the ones willing to say, “I was wrong,” “I trust you,” and “Teach me.”

Thee real power of leadership lies in humility, authenticity, and the courage to lift others higher.

Grateful for another incredible, impactful session with my friend, Richard Vickers.

Our conversations are never rehearsed, often wandering into philosophy, parenting, or whatever book one of us is reading. Yet they always circle back to a subject that consumes us both: leadership. This time, we hit “record.”

Richard had recently posted something on LinkedIn that caught my attention: 12 things only strong leaders say. Simple phrases, yet they carried a profound weight. Not because they were innovative, but because they demanded humility. They asked leaders to relinquish control, to admit frailty, to empower others.

The Spark: “I Trust You”

Vickers began with a story from his own team.

“We were debating solutions to a tough problem,” he told me. “We had three good options. I was up against a hard stop, so I said, ‘I trust you. Pick the best one.’”

Silence. Then surprise. Two team members looked at him as if no one had ever spoken those words to them before.

“They told me, ‘Nobody’s ever said that from a leadership perspective.’ And it hit me: trust is an oxymoron of leadership. We talk about empowerment, but do we really trust people? When I said it, it unlocked something.”

In those two words—I trust you—a curtain lifted. His team wasn’t just executing orders. They were partners, thinkers, leaders in their own right.

The List

The post that started our conversation distilled leadership into a dozen simple phrases:

What’s your take?I trust you.I was wrong.Great work.Run with it.How can I help?You decide.Let’s celebrate.I’ve got your back.Thank you.Teach me.We’ll figure it out.

At first glance, they read like common sense. But common sense is rarely common practice.

The Hardest Words: “I Was Wrong”

I admitted to Richard that the most difficult phrase for me is number three.

“I’ve always been a people pleaser,” I confessed. “I want to be seen as competent, strong, reliable. Saying ‘I was wrong’ feels like weakness. But it’s not. It’s the opposite.”

Richard nodded. “Nick Saban said it best: if you want to make everybody happy, go sell ice cream. Leadership isn’t about pleasing everyone—it’s about the humility to own mistakes and the courage to correct them.”

Humility, after all, is the foundation of trust. And trust is the foundation of leadership.

Parenting and Leadership

The conversation turned, as it often does, to family. Richard shared a story about his daughter, who had just received $450 in her account.

“We asked her, ‘What’s your solution with this money?’ We had our suggestions, but ultimately, it was hers to decide. She set aside $50 for fun, $400 for gas. She made the right call, but more importantly, she owned it.”

Leadership, like parenting, is not about dictating. It’s about equipping others to decide, to fail, to succeed, to learn.

The Hidden Power of Celebration

Too often, workplaces ration recognition as if it were a scarce resource. Richard pushed back on that scarcity.

“No one goes home at the end of a hard week saying, ‘I got too much encouragement,’” he said. “Every day, life pokes holes in our Styrofoam cup. A thank you, a celebration, a word of recognition—that’s how we pour back into people.”

I shared my own practice: weekly videos for my team, where I highlight wins, name names, and give them the spotlight. Sometimes, I even let a “DJ of the Week” kick off our call with a song of their choice. It may sound trivial. But pride and joy spill out when people feel seen.

Recognition costs nothing. Neglect costs everything.

Blind Spots and Unlocks

Richard described a quarterly ritual with his team: “I ask them, ‘If you were in my seat, what would you do differently?’”

It is not a comfortable question. It exposes blind spots. It demands honesty. And sometimes, it surfaces the simplest truths: communicate more, share information better, listen deeper.

“Every company struggles with communication,” he reflected. “But when you ask that question, you unlock gold.”

Teach Me

Perhaps the most radical phrase on the list is “Teach me.” Leaders are conditioned to have answers. To admit ignorance feels dangerous. But it may be the most powerful move of all.

“When I ride along with salespeople,” Richard said, “they assume I’m there to judge. Instead, I tell them, ‘I’m here to learn from you. Teach me your best practices so I can share them across the country.’ Suddenly, the guard drops. The dynamic changes. We’re equals, learning together.”

This, too, is an oxymoron of leadership: acknowledging that the people you lead may have the lessons you need.

The Measure of a Leader

As our conversation wound down, I thought about the paradoxes we had explored: trust by letting go, strength in saying “I was wrong,” power in celebration, humility in asking “teach me.”

These are not the phrases of a commander issuing orders. They are the words of a servant, a partner, a human being.

And perhaps that is the point. Leadership is not about doing. It is about being.

Being the steady hand that says, we’ll figure it out. Being the encourager who whispers, I’ve got your back. Being the humble soul who admits, I was wrong.

In the end, leadership is not measured by revenue, rankings, or recognition. It is measured by the people who walk away better, stronger, and more human because of the way you led them.

That is the oxymoron. That is the truth. That is leadership.

There are very few books that fundamentally reshape the lens through which you see your life, your work, your relationships, and your purpose. Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” is one.

Frankl survived the unimaginable: Nazi concentration camps where everything—dignity, identity, family, freedom—was systematically stripped away.

Yet from the depths of human suffering, he distilled an eternal truth: while we cannot always control our circumstances, we always retain the power to choose our response, and within that response lies our freedom.

That resonates with me on the deepest level. My philosophy has always been built on “controlling the controllables”—the belief that our energy is best invested in how we show up, how we adapt, and how we persevere when the chips are down.

Frankl gives this truth not just intellectual weight but soul-deep validation, forged in the crucible of suffering.

He reframes life’s trials—our losses, failures, setbacks, and betrayals—not as evidence of meaninglessness but as the raw material from which meaning can be carved.

This book is about refusing to be defined by external forces, whether they are market downturns, layoffs, failed deals, broken relationships, or even the darkest personal battles.

Frankl reminds us that the ultimate leadership—of ourselves and others—comes from the strength to say: I will not be crushed by this. I will use this. I will choose meaning over despair.

For leaders, sellers, and human beings striving to make an impact, this book should be required reading. It will challenge you to ask:

What is the “why” that keeps you moving when everything says stop?

How do you harness pain, pressure, and adversity into fuel for purpose?

What does it mean to live in such a way that—even when stripped of everything else—you are rich in meaning?

If you’ve ever asked yourself why you’re here, or if you’ve ever been in a place where you questioned your worth, your direction, or your future, this book is a map that gives you the courage to steer your ship through it.

Frankl’s legacy is proof that even in the harshest of conditions, we can rise above circumstance, cling to purpose, and create impact.

Every seller wants the big win. But chasing deals doesn’t equal deals. Investing in relationships does. Deals happen as a result of relationships, and relationships happen because of authenticity.

Relationships > Deals. Always.

I’ve learned this over decades in the arena: Your sphere is every single person you touch—colleagues, partners, customers, leadership.

If you’re not intentionally investing in those relationships, you’re gambling with your future.

The Step-by-Step Playbook to Build Your Sphere (Today)

1️⃣ Map Your Sphere

Start by listing every relationship you need in order to hit your goals—internal and external. From executives to influencers, from partners to colleagues, map your sales food chain.

2️⃣ Control the Controllables

There are only 3 things in your complete control:

Quality of your messaging – Craft it so it resonates with their priorities, not your pitch.

Quantity of outreach – Go wider than you think; I reach out to 10X the number of people I “need” because I know the odds.

Consistency of execution – You don’t water your garden once and expect it to grow. Daily investment creates momentum.

3️⃣ Add Value Relentlessly

Stop asking “how do I close this deal?” and start asking “how can I serve this person?” Send insights, make introductions, bring resources. Your reputation becomes your calling card.

4️⃣ Invest Internally as Much as Externally

Some of the most important selling you will ever do is inside your own organization—earning internal champions, securing resources, and aligning stakeholders. If your house isn’t in order, you’ll never sustain big wins.

5️⃣ Play the Long Game

The garden analogy is real. One conversation leads to tribal knowledge, which leads to influence, which leads to trust. And trust is the currency that gets deals done.

The biggest wins of my career—from $100M+ deals to impossible turnarounds—were never the result of chasing transactions. They happened because of a web of trust built over time, with colleagues, partners, and customers alike.

Authenticity scales, gimmicks don’t. You can’t fake genuine care. People remember how you showed up for them long after they forget your pitch.

What relationships do you need to invest in today to change the trajectory of your career tomorrow?

Because the deals will follow. They always do.

#Sales #Relationships #Trust #Leadership #Authenticity #Networking #Mindset #SocialSelling #Growth