Pam Logan's Blog

2015 was a hell of a year and I learned a lot.

I learned that I don't have to shovel snow - After having a heart attack the year before, I can just Let It Go! Someone else will clear it or it will melt away.

I learned that worrying doesn't accomplish anything. If I do my best to fix the problem and then Let It Go, it usually melts away.

I have learned not to forget the wrongs done to me, but not to hold a grudge - Just Let It Go, and the anger melts away. In the last, somewhat heated, conversation I had with my brother, in the end, I told him I loved him. I don't think he said it back. A couple days later, he died in a fire. I hope he believed me.

I have learned that an object, whether big or small, is only as important as the memory behind it, as long as I hold onto that memory and don't Let It Go. The house I grew up in was burned in a fire and then demolished, but those memories will never melt away.

I have learned that my home being a mess doesn't matter; all the dusting, vacuuming and cleaning, I can just Let It Go until another day. The time I get to spend with my Grandson is so much more important. We do arts and crafts and read and have so much fun, he just melts my heart.

I have learned that I am important. The things I want and need and the feelings I have really do matter. I shouldn't give up and Let It Go. For the first time, I realize I am not responsible for everyone else's happiness; I am only responsible for my own. Making myself miserable in order to make someone else happy is quite the wretched existence and that doesn't just melt away.

I hope I can be a better person in 2016 and I hope all my family and friends will enjoy good health and happiness throughout the year. I love you all and I thank you for sharing my life with me.

I don't like snow. I don't like being cold. In fact, I hate it. I dread it. I despise it.

It wasn't always this way. I loved ice skating back at the fairgrounds and at Pleasant Avenue School until my toes were so cold, they felt like they would fall off. Building snow forts and having snowball fights were great fun until I got a snowball in the face. My mother knitted us new mittens almost every year. They weren't very warm and quickly got wet, but we wore them anyway and no one actually froze any fingers off. Snowmen, oh the snowmen we built. My Dad helped us make one as tall as the gutters on our house. We always prayed for more snow to get a day off from school. There were longs lists of closings and our school always seemed to be the last one to close. Looking back now, I realize that was the one we listened for and then, once we heard it, we shut the radio off, so it was the last one to close.

The last few years, snow has not been fun, just a big pain in the butt. I liked it for Christmas, but that was it. This year, it seems to be never ending. It has been so cold, it doesn't melt all the way and it seems every morning, it's snowing again. I absolutely hate it! I can't wait for warmer weather!

What a year this has been. With so many amazing ups and drastic downs, I wonder how I made it through it all. Actually, I almost didn't.

In March, my husband celebrated his 60th birthday with a party above all parties. So many friends and family attended with the awesome Diva Show Band playing and Mystery Hill (the band my husband was in 40 years ago) making a surprise performance and allowing my husband to join in. It was wonderful!

March also brought the amazing news that we were going to be first time grandparents around November 8th. Woo Hoo!

Also, in March, our niece got married to a terrific guy in a country themed ceremony and reception. Many loving family and friends were in attendance for the celebration.

In May, we lost our health insurance and couldn't afford Obamacare.

June was a turbulent month. The upside was that we had one great big family get-together to celebrate a few different important happenings. It was our daughter's 22nd birthday. And then there was the ground-breaking ceremony for our oldest daughter and her husband's property, next door to my Dad's for their new house to be built next year. Also, all my siblings were able to be together with our Dad for Father's Day. And, since the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup, my nephew had to shave off his treasured beard. All in all, it was a great day.
Then, the downside. A week and a half later, my Dad passed away due to a fall that caused bleeding in his brain. It wasn't immediate, so we were all able to spend a little time with him and say goodbye and as devastating as it was, it was peaceful for him and for us.

August was another wedding which was great because we got to see family members that we haven't seen in a very long time. I got to hug my aunt, my father's sister, one last time before she went back to her home in Florida. She had told me then that she wasn’t feeling good.

September was tumultuous. My aunt passed away due to that awful thing - cancer. She was a wonderful woman and is sadly missed.
The up side is that we adopted a puppy, a border collie mix that is absolutely the cutest thing ever. Her name is MyLo (short for My Love like in my book.)

October was the amazing up. Our grandson was born on Halloween. He is absolutely perfect in every way and I couldn't be happier. There are no words to explain how I feel about him, so I will leave it at that. My husband likes to say, "We went trick-or-treating at Sister's Hospital and they gave us a grandson." The best "goodie" ever.

November - also known as Snovember brought six feet of snow within a couple days. We were snowed in our homes, did lots of shoveling, travel bans all around, ran out of food... Couple days later, it had just about all melted.
Thanksgiving was great. Our daughter and soon to be son-in-law came back from Boston, MA to share it with us.
The day after Thanksgiving brought us another heartache. My cousin’s husband passed away. May he rest in peace.

December - Ugh! I had chest pains off and on for about a week and with no insurance, put off going to the doctor. We made plans to go to my doctor Dec. 3rd, but on Dec 2nd, the pains got too bad so my husband took me to the emergency room. After 3 tabs of nitro, they kept me comfortable through the night, then after tests on the 3rd, they did emergency surgery that evening. I had open heart with a triple bypass. They tell me I was seconds away from dying. I am now home and healing nicely. I thank God and all my family and friends for their prayers and good wishes that got me through. Now to face the stack of medical bills with no insurance. Any idea how much a week's stay in the hospital with open heart surgery and all the other add ons is? Ha!
Oh, and then to top it off, my grand dog had bloat and had to have emergency surgery. He too was very close to dying, but he is healing nicely, too. Yay!

Goodbye 2014. Time to Shake It Off! I'm still here and so ready for 2015.
God Bless You All. I hope 2015 brings you peace and happiness and good health!

It's been a while since I have written anything.
So many things have happened this year, ups and downs and twists and turns and I have had a hard time staying focused on writing. A LINE IN THE SAND was finished being written over a year ago - that is so hard to believe, but I still have some editing to do and a cover photo to shoot. I just couldn't seem to get back into it, so I did what any good procrastinator does and blamed it on everything else going on. I have attended weddings, two for family and one for friends. I found out I'm going to be a Gramma (can't wait). I endured enormous heartache with the passing of my father, and subsequently had many tasks to follow through with his paperwork - still trying to get that done. Dog sat two dogs at different times. Then, another great loss when my aunt passed away. We have adopted a new puppy and it is so easy to let everything else go to spend time with her. Also, there was getting a new roof put on the house and garage and then a baby shower for my soon to be grandson (can't wait) and..... on and on.
Now I have the energy/ambition/inkling to write and I am trying to shield myself from doing all those other things that need to be done. Oh, but Halloween is coming up quick and I haven't set anything up yet. And that baby will be here in about three weeks. And...

It's been a while since I have written anything.
So many things have happened this year, ups and downs and twists and turns and I have had a hard time staying focused on writing. A LINE IN THE SAND was finished being written over a year ago - that is so hard to believe, but I still have some editing to do and a cover photo to shoot. I just couldn't seem to get back into it, so I did what any good procrastinator does and blamed it on everything else going on. I have attended weddings, two for family and one for friends. I found out I'm going to be a Gramma (can't wait). I endured enormous heartache with the passing of my father, and subsequently had many tasks to follow through with his paperwork - still trying to get that done. Dog sat two dogs at different times. Then, another great loss when my aunt passed away. We have adopted a new puppy and it is so easy to let everything else go to spend time with her. Also, there was getting a new roof put on the house and garage and then a baby shower for my soon to be grandson (can't wait) and..... on and on.
Now I have the energy/ambition/inkling to write and I am trying to shield myself from doing all those other things that need to be done. Oh, but Halloween is coming up quick and I haven't set anything up yet. And that baby will be here in about three weeks. And...

[image error] There must be lilacs blooming in Heaven, Lord
On this special day in May.
Please pick a bunch for my Mom and
And tell her “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Give her a great big hug from me
Let her know that I’m okay
Even though I really miss her
It seems like more and more every day.

Let her know her family has moved on
Because she made us strong.
It’s not that we have left her behind,
She has been with us all along.

We see her in the flowers,
In hummingbirds and butterflies.
We think of her at bright sunsets
And of her smile at a dewy sunrise.

Every time I look in the mirror,
I see her in my own reflection.
Everyone that knew her
Remembers her with fond affection.

So, if the lilacs are blooming in Heaven, Lord
On this special day in May.
Please pick a bunch for my Mom and
And tell her “Happy Mother’s Day.”

‘Twas two days after Christmas, when out in the yard
The whole family was stirring, with Gramps standing guard.
The piñata was hung in the Butternut Tree with care,
In hopes that Sydney would send candy flying everywhere.

The whole family stood warming their hands by the fire,
Singing songs that were no match for the Vienna Boys’ Choir.
And Andrea in her ear muffs, and Joe in his cap,
Thought since Christmas was over, it was time for a nap.

When over at the fairgrounds there arose such a clatter,
Everyone looked across the back yard to see what was the matter.
Over to the trucks, some flew like a flash,
Tore open their wallets and threw in some cash.

With Vince in the lead, so lively and quick,
Jenna knew in a moment, it wasn’t St. Nick.
A little slower than turtles the rest of the passengers they came,
So he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Nathan! now, Lori! now, Bones and now Natalie!
On, Dennis! On, Patty! On, Mark and on Courtney!
Now, stay in the truck with Ann & Sean Wall!
And sing away! Sing away! Let’s have a ball!”

Jerry paid the attendant and drove through the show
Everyone else oooh’d and aaah’d at the lights all aglow.
When, what to the attendant’s eyes should appear,
But two truck loads of people with hot chocolate and beer.

It’s Hamburg’s Festival of Lights that brightened the sky,
With religious and patriotic displays, so pleasing to the eye,
And Sabres and Bills lit up in red, yellow and blue,
Plus a sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

After two miles of lights through a Christmas wonderland
It was time to go inside before things got out of hand,
After parking the trucks and going inside,
There was kettle corn to eat and choo choo trains to ride.

Santa’s Magical Midway was a barrel of fun,
And the InJest Variety Show was a laugh for everyone,
But Jordan missed Kandy Kane. That elf was so jolly,
And of course, the Darnells, and their trained poodle follies

It was time to head back to enjoy more of John’s chili
At this yearly event, the first time for Michelle & Billy!
Everyone piled in the trucks and went back to the fire,
Then they threw in some logs to make the flames higher.

The anticipation was mounting for the night’s grand finale´,
And the whole group shouted out and laughed with glee.
Angela jumped at the loud boom of that first explosion,
Mike really enjoyed it, but his hands and feet were frozen!

Every burst of excitement way up in the sky,
Reflected the happiness in Sharon’s eye.
The smoke drifted past the magnificent Maple tree
That is ever so important to the whole family.

There’s only one missing from this wonderful event,
And it’s true we all miss her 100 percent.
But I know she’d exclaim, although out of sight,
“Happy New Year to all, and to all a good-night!”

[image error] All Hallow's Eve - the evening before All Saint's (Hallow's) Day - Hallow E'en - Halloween.

Halloween began as a pre-Christian Celtic festival of the dead. According to the Celtic calendar, the year began on November 1 on our present calendar, signifying the end of harvest and the beginning of winter. Crops were harvested and stored and cattle and sheep had to be secured. It was the ending and beginning of a continuous cycle.

The festival, Samhain (pronounced Sah-ween) was the biggest holiday of the Celtic year and was celebrated beginning at sunset of October 31. The Celts believed that on this night, spirits of the dead mingled with the living. Sacrifices were made of animals, fruits and vegetables. Bon fires were lit to honor the dead, to aid them on their journey and keep them away from the living.

Offerings of food and drink were left out to satisfy the souls of the dead. People began dressing in scary costumes performing antics in exchange for the offerings. And so, trick-or-treating evolved.

Turnips, pumpkins and gourds were carved with scary faces with a burning coal inside to ward off ghosts and goblins. One story relates: On route home after a night's drinking, Jack encounters the Devil who tricks him into climbing a tree. A quick-thinking Jack etches the sign of the cross into the bark, and so trapping the Devil. Jack strikes a bargain that Satan can never claim his soul. After a life of sin, drinking and lies, Jack is refused entry to heaven when he dies. Keeping his promise, the Devil refuses to let Jack into hell and throws a live coal straight from the fires of hell at him. It was a cold night, so Jack places the coal in a hollowed out turnip to stop it from going out, since which time Jack and his lantern have been roaming looking for a place to rest.

This year, I carved my Jack-o-lanterns with not so scary faces in honor of friends that have passed away this past year, and I know deep down, if they were still alive, Johnboy and Mohawk would protect me from the evil that lurks on this Halloween night.

I like to write. I like the way the characters come alive and take over. The idea of a story line is there to start with, but quickly changes from what I thought it would be to the way the characters evolve and direct it, so I have no idea how it will end. None of my characters are based on anyone in particular, but they have characteristics of people I know. One character may look like one person, talk like another and act like yet another.

The emotions they experience aren't mine. Trying to think how I would feel in the situation they are in doesn't work because I have never been in those situations, so I can't write about it like that. As I am writing, they get into my head and my heart goes out to them and I write what they feel and think. They are extensions of myself, becoming what I haven't been able to become and doing things I could never do and feeling emotions I usually don't let myself openly express and they have a habit of saying things that I wouldn't normally say.

I am quiet, reserved and rather shy. I am very emotional, but for the most part, I keep my feelings inside. I don't do well in crowds and definitely not one to get up in front of a group and speak. In three weeks, I will be involved in a book signing at The Lake Erie Seaway Trail in Hamburg, NY. I did a couple other book signings, one at Willow Creek Winery and one at Lake Erie Seaway Trail's grand opening, both where people weren't actually there to buy or check out books. I sold one book at each event.

This upcoming event is all about authors, so people will be there expecting to meet and talk with authors and hopefully buy books. There will be a discussion by the authors about how they got published and also, there will be half hour segments for each author to do readings and take questions. When I first heard about this a few months ago, I was so excited. Now, that it is getting closer, I'm thinking I could do so much better if I could just send one on my characters and write about it.

Sam, from HOW DO YOU SAY GOODBYE? would probably do the best job. She wasn't afraid of anything and if she made a mistake, she'd laugh it off and keep going. Leeny, from HDYSG? and LIFE GOES ON would most likely tire of things after the first half hour and leave. Johnny, from both books, would put his feet up on the table, lean his chair back, open a can of beer from a nearby cooler and talk about anything other than books. Judge Styles, from both books, would dominate the room. He would state his case and probably make everyone afraid to ask questions.

I'm not sure how I'll do in this situation. Maybe I can channel a little of each character and pull this off. Or, maybe I'll fall flat on my face or develop a severe case of laryngitis the night before. I just hope I don't have to go first.

Check out Lake Erie Seaway Trail on facebook and Fall Into A Book -
http://lakeerieseawaytrail.org/event/local-author-event/

Beginning in the late 50's, I grew up with the Erie County Fair literally in my back yard. The edge of my parents' yard butted up against the fair parking lot. Back then, when the James E. Strates Fair Train came to town, a week before the fair started, we would sit in our back yard and watch the elephants pull the train cars into the fairgrounds to set up all their equipment. Every day, we would ride our bikes down the road and up the dirt side road into the parking lot to see what new rides were being assembled, waiting impatiently for the fair to open.

The Strates Shows were the things to see. From our house, we could hear the announced recording over and over, explaining the entire show. Back then, they were called freak shows with the man with three eyes and two noses, the bearded lady, the sword swallower, the elephant man, the miniature woman, wolf boy, the tattooed lady, the siamese twins, the world's tallest man and on and on... I was fascinated and frightened at the same time at the sight of them. When I was a teenager, I worked at Wakelee's Food Market, a little store on the corner, just down the street from my house. The few days before the fair started, the carnies and some of the so called "freaks" would come into the store. The man with three eyes and two noses, although he scared me at first, was a very nice man.

The blaring sounds of generators running the rides, the announcements of the side shows - "Step right up to see...", the sirens, bells and whistles of certain rides, and the music from others, the engines from tractor pulls, sprint car races and the Joey Chitwood's Helldrivers' Show, the crashes from the Demolition Derby, and last but not least, the boom, boom, boom of the nightly fireworks permeated our back yard every year for the nine days in August that the fair was in town from early morning 'til late at night.

My parents had a big yard, so my Dad put up lights and we parked cars. We always looked forward to it. Relatives and friends parked free, but at $1 per car for everyone else, which seemed like a lot back then, we made out pretty good and as kids, we couldn't wait to go spend our share at the fair. My Dad was the one who stayed up late and waited for the last car to leave before he shut off the lights. One year, it had rained so bad a couple cars got stuck in the back and we had to push them out. One car needed a tow truck to get out, making deep trenches in the lawn.

The lights from the rides lit up the night sky as aunts, uncles, cousins and friends straggled back from the fair after a long day of riding rides, playing games, eating all the wonderful foods and walking until exhausted. We would sit around the fire, telling tales of the day as we waited for the first "pop" of fireworks. As the years went by and the neighbor's trees got taller, we had to walk back to the fair parking lot to watch them. When the fireworks were finished with the grand finalé, everyone went home. The parking lots emptied and the fire was put out.

Before I was old enough to go with them, every year my grandmother would pick one day and my brother and my cousin would go with her early in the morning and go through every building and see every animal in all the barns. Later in the afternoon, the whole family, aunts, uncles and cousins would meet at Slade Park for dinner, then we went on all the rides and played games for the rest of the day.

The last day of the fair was always the best. We got better deals on games and food because everyone was ready to clear out. The fireworks were phenomenal and as soon as they were over, everyone headed for home. Sometimes a couple cousins would stay overnight and early in the morning, we would go over to the fairgrounds and go garbage picking and we would watch the last of the rides being taken down. Almost everything else was gone except random ripped, but repairable, stuffed animals and chipped but usable dishes from the nickel toss game. Honestly, I think my mother threw most of the stuff out that we found, but we had fun. We also would find money on the ground where any rides that had gone up-side-down had been. We always knew right where to look. Under the Zipper and the Sky Diver were the best. And, of course, we found our fair share of I Got It balls.

Yesterday was the last day of the 174th Erie County Fair and Expo. And no, I didn't go garbage picking today and not only because Security had put a stop to that when I was in my late teens, but now I realize that the "treasures" we found weren't exactly treasures. They were left behind for a reason.

Over the years, so much has changed and yet, it always seems the same. The Double Ferris Wheel, the Sky Ride, the Himalaya and so many other rides have gone by the wayside. The Freak Shows are now considered politically incorrect (with good reason) and the funhouses don't look like so much fun. The loud noises and the days of the barkers have disappeared. The milk can game and the Lucky Strike nickel toss are gone but you can still lose a whole lot of money trying to squirt water into a hole or get 5 in a row at Jones' I Got It. And last but not least, the fireworks have been traded in for a laser show that didn't impress me in the least. All in all, it's nice to reminisce and tell my kids about the good old days.