Dewayne Bryant's Blog

Not long ago, boredom was unavoidable. We waited in lines, sat in silence, and rode the elevators staring at the floor. Those small gaps of nothingness were little gifts, though we may not have understood them that way at the time. Our minds wandered to and fro and contemplated any number of things In these small but precious moments. Now we have eliminated them entirely thanks to a little technological companion we do not need but cannot seem to live without. 

Smartphones are everywhere. Finding someone using an “old-fashioned” flip phone is a rarity. They are useful tools, but they are not neutral. They shape our habits, our attention, our relationships, and even our spiritual lives. We are going to explore ten ways our phones fundamentally change who we are and how we behave. 

We Become Digitally Addicted. The word “addict” carries a negative stigma, and for good reason. Yet that describes our behavior with our phones. Many of us reach for them before our feet touch the floor in the morning. We surrender our first moments of the day to email, news, texts, and social media. Smartphones train us to crave constant novelty; each notification or new post provides a small reward that keeps us returning. This unconscious habit has us checking our phones every few minutes without realizing it. Constant stimulation destroys our ability to sit and meditate on spiritual things (Psalms 1:2; 46:10). 

We Develop a Craving for Approval. Social media turns approval into a measurable commodity—likes, shares, comments, and followers become a resource by which we evaluate our personal worth (cf. John 12:43). This might tempt us to carefully curate what others see, posting not to communicate truth but to gain affirmation.

We Get FOMO. Smartphones create the fear that we are missing something better happening somewhere else. We experience “disconnection anxiety” when separated from our devices. Social media constantly presents the best moments of other people’s lives, producing the sense that everyone else is happier, busier, or more fulfilled. The serpent used the same strategy in Eden—he convinced Adam and Eve that they were missing out, too. The apostle Paul, however, learned the art of being content regardless of his circumstances (Philippians 4:11).

Our Phones Train and Mold Us. Social media is more than a tool; it molds us. Algorithms repeatedly feed us the voices, values, and attitudes we already prefer, creating an echo chamber that reinforces our assumptions and pre-existing beliefs. We begin to imitate the speech, priorities, and worldview of influencers. We may start to define ourselves more by political, cultural, or celebrity identities than by Christ. The Bible calls us to transform, not conform (Romans 12:2). 

We Lose Meaning. Modern life floods us with endless information, much of it trivial. Digital content is often designed to be immediately appealing rather than intellectually or spiritually nourishing. We may know every celebrity scandal and viral trend, but neglect eternal truths. Paul calls us to meditate on honorable things (Philippians 4:8). The book of Ecclesiastes repeatedly reminds us of life’s emptiness in the absence of what truly matters (see Ecclesiastes 12:13).  

Phones Undermine Our Literacy. Online reading encourages scanning, skimming, and multitasking. We skip from one headline to the next, link to link, image to image. Any article or post over a few hundred words becomes too unwieldy to manage. The mind becomes impatient with anything difficult or lengthy. We undermine our ability to read carefully, think deeply, and engage in self-reflection while considering weightier things. 

We Become Lonely. Smartphones promise connection but deliver isolation. We can be connected to hundreds of people and still feel profoundly alone. Digital interaction often replaces face-to-face relationships. We neglect neighbors, spouses, children, and friends (see the remarkably powerful 2-minute video I Forgot My Phone). We ignore people right in front of us, staring at our phones during meals and conversations. It could almost be an image in a horror movie: rooms full of people entranced by glowing screens designed to modify their behavior. So what do we do? We treat those physically present as inconveniences when they interrupt us. 

We Become Harsh with Others. It is easier to attack someone through a screen than face-to-face. Distance reduces compassion and restraint and gives us a power that anonymity provides. Anger, public shaming, slander, outrage, sarcasm, and constant criticism all become easier when shielded by a computer screen. Online interactions make people feel less real, and we forget that behind every profile is a human being made in the image of God. We can lose our tempers in a moment and make comments we would never utter to someone’s face (cf. James 1:19). 

It Encourages Secret Vices. Smartphones lower the barriers that once made sinful behavior more difficult. Sin feels easier when it is hidden, and the phone creates the illusion that nobody sees. Pornography, emotional affairs, private relationships, gambling, gossip, slander, and other hidden indulgences always remain within reach. The problem is not merely that temptation exists, but that the device—our ever-lurking tempter—is always at our fingertips. It is a portal to sinful opportunities that never closes. But sin works best in the shadows, doesn’t it (cf. Job 24:15)?

We Become Trapped in the Momentary Now. Smartphones trap us in the “momentary now.” Digital life encourages us to think only in terms of the next notification or headline. Like Pavlov’s dogs, we have been trained to respond to dings and vibrations announcing the arrival of the latest email or text message. We should set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2) and be aware of our time (Psalm 90:12). 

Smartphones are useful tools and dangerous masters. We have handed over our autonomy the moment we stop directing our devices and begin letting them direct us. Many of us have probably already done so unwittingly. 

The deeper issue is not merely how much time we spend on our phones, but what our phones are doing to us. What habits does it form? What desires does it feed? How does it slowly—and surely—shape who we become? That role belongs to Scripture, and Scripture alone. 

Habits are not neutral. Repeated behaviors quietly shape our hearts and minds, pulling us in one direction or another—toward God or away from him, toward loving people or neglecting them, toward eternity or the next notification. The invitation of Scripture is to something better: stillness, wisdom, and love for God and neighbor. As with any other aspect of life, we have to ask a single, definitive question: are our phones making us more godly, or not? 

Surely there is a part of us that will acknowledge, perhaps even begrudgingly, that we already know the answer to that question. 

Religious persecution has been a problem in human society for thousands of years. Authorities in the Roman Empire were as guilty as anyone. They persecuted a variety of religious movements, typically on a limited basis depending upon circumstances. The restricted the Dionysian mystery cult because they tended to get drunk and entered a frenzied state (based on the model of the Bacchae). In one case, emperor Tiberius destroyed a temple and killed its priests because a priest of Isis seduced a Roman woman. They had problems with Judaism, of course—mainly because of its commitment to monotheism—but ultimately allowed it because of its antiquity (which the Romans prized in general). Christianity was a horse of a different color.

The Romans held a deep suspicion of new religious movements. Although it was similar to Judaism, it quickly became obvious that Christianity was something new. We can see something of this in the New Testament. Christianity’s opposition consisted mostly of the Jewish religious elite; Romans played virtually no part in oppressing the early church. This changed over time, when the Romans realized that Christians weren’t a sub-group within Judaism, but represented something new. This wasn’t the only thing that set Christians apart from their pagan neighbors—or earned their suspicion. There were several things that made Christianity unique.

Christians welcomed everyone. One of the most striking features of the early church is that it comprised a number of people from radically different walks of life who rubbed shoulders with one another every Sunday. Polished intellectuals like Paul and Apollos worshipped alongside slaves like Onesimus. Women enjoyed a special place of acceptance in churches that they did not receive in Roman society—in fact, estimates indicate that women made up as much as two-thirds of the early church. 

Christianity emphasized charity and hospitality. Believers understood that all human beings are created in God’s image. This fueled their philanthropy toward other people of all races and religions. Jesus taught as much in his parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:26-37) and Paul followed suit in his epistles (Galatians 3:26-29). Christians carried it out so effectively that it got the notice of Emperor Julian (AD 331-363), who seems to have resented Christians for outdoing his fellow pagans in their generosity toward the poor. He wrote against the “godless Galileans” (“godless” because they did not worship the gods of Rome, and “Galileans” because of the importance of Galilee in the ministry of Christ).

Christianity emphasized the sanctity of life. Christians fiercely opposed abortion and infanticide. Roman society accepted these things without question. Any infant born with an observable birth defect would be taken out and thrown onto a trash heap, where it would be taken by slavers or die from exposure. This seems to have been widely accepted and practiced. Christians and non-Christians alike would object, perhaps by asking, “How could someone do this to their family?” The problem is that until the father—the pater familias—accepted the child, it was not considered part of the family. Therefore, disposing of it was not seen as abandoning a family member. Christians opposed this practice, calling it infanticide. But they also put their convictions into practice by saving infants and giving them homes. 

Christianity promoted a higher sexual ethic. Roman women were expected to be faithful, while their husbands could have sexual relations with virtually anyone of lower social status than they, including slaves, prostitutes, other men, and even children. One of the few restrictions was that the man of higher status would be the active partner, while the other party would be the passive partner (Paul mentions both in 1 Corinthians 6:9). Romans focused on sexuality as a physical act with any number of individuals (and both genders), while Christians taught it was a part of an intimate relationship between only a man and wife (Ephesians 5:3; Hebrews 13:4).

Christianity seemed strange when it first appeared. The Romans deemed it suspicious and worthy of persecution. Over time, it challenged and conquered its surrounding culture. Imagine the impact we can have today in a culture that seems far more Roman than Christian. 

The Bible gives Christians a clear vision of how to treat one another: with respect, dignity, and honor. If we were to all consistently apply Paul’s masterpiece on love in 1 Corinthians to our lives, condescension, discrimination, prejudice, contempt, and jealousy would virtually disappear overnight. Scripture gives us a blueprint for a worldview without equal. And this is all part of a package deal—if any part of it suffers, other areas begin to unravel, too.

No one follows the Bible’s commands without fail. We’re all imperfect people, and we will follow Christ imperfectly. However, systemic problems can infect a congregation. Leaders must be both watchful and discerning enough to identify when harmful patterns arise (see Acts 20:28-30). Here are a few of the most common problems that plague churches today. 

Biblical authority is held in low esteem. Scripture is the authoritative Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16-17), and this is something for which we can be deeply thankful. It gives us clear instructions on how to do God’s will, God’s way. When a congregation loses its reverence for Scripture as the final authority, everything downstream suffers. It affects not only doctrine but the very identity of the local church. A high view of Scripture is not optional; it is foundational.

Personal interpretations take precedence over biblical truth. We have a knack for reading into the Bible those things we want to believe or already believe (a practice called eisegesis). We can build entire theological systems based on isolated verses taken out of context, force connections between passages that don’t naturally fit together, or twist Scripture to fit a preferred conclusion. Peter warns about exactly this kind of distortion (2 Peter 3:16). Faithful interpretation requires humility, attention to context, disciplined study, and submission to biblical authority (see 2 Timothy 2:15).

Members are not encouraged to grow intellectually. Sadly, some churches discourage intellectual development (contra Matthew 22:37). Mastery of specialized disciplines like history, archaeology, science, and theology can be treated with unwarranted suspicion. In truth, these disciplines serve as valuable tools for illuminating the biblical text. Jesus never called anyone to a simple-minded faith. There is a reason why some of history’s greatest thinkers in the last 2,000 years have also been theologians. When leaders discourage the intellectual growth of members, they do not protect the church—they impoverish it.

Members are not allowed to ask questions. Healthy congregations welcome sincere questions; unhealthy ones suppress them. Some leaders function more like rulers than servants, resisting accountability and discouraging inquiry. Preachers may bristle at difficult questions, fearing that an inability to respond immediately makes them appear uninformed. But humility is a vital attribute for every Christian, and it is especially important for leaders (notice how the Bereans fact-checked the apostle Paul; Acts 17:11. There is no shame in telling someone, “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you.” That response is transparent, humble, and honest. The willingness to offer it is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

Traditions are treated as equal to commandments. This problem is as ancient as Jesus’ confrontations with the Pharisees in the first century. The religious authorities of his day had elevated the commandments of men to such a degree that those traditions not only rivaled the authority of God but actually caused some to violate his will—what Jesus described as “making void the word of God “(Mark 7:13; cf. Matthew 15:8-9). Traditions can be powerful, meaningful, and even useful, but they can never supersede Scripture. Whenever they rival or replace God’s Word, they cease to be a help and become a hindrance.

Substituting Rule-Keeping for Christlikeness. What is the aim of the Christian life? Authentic churches hold up Christ as the perfect model for imitation. Troubled churches sometimes follow a prescribed code of conduct that appears biblical but fixates on secondary matters (e.g., Matthew 23:23-24). When leadership enforces these standards through pressure and manipulation, members are forced to conform without being transformed. Jesus warned of those who made converts only to render them “twice as much a child of hell” as their teachers (Matthew 23:15). Majoring in the minors—enforced through pressure—is a sign of a congregation that has lost its spiritual center.

If you are part of a congregation facing some of these problems, you might consider finding a healthier community. Then again, you might feel called to stay and fight for the truth—and that is a very noble and worthy thing in its own right. But if you choose the second path, remember this very important truth: you will be a fish swimming upstream. Do so with grace, patience, and courage. Jesus and his church deserve no less.

We sometimes hear that the Bible endorses polygamy. This claim comes from different directions: critics who argue that the Bible presents a misogynistic worldview, a few Mormon believers who believe that the practice is still permitted, and cultists who abuse Scripture to justify it. 

Numerous biblical figures had multiple wives. Jacob had two, Esau had at least three, and David had at least eight. Add 700 more for Solomon (1 Kings 11:3). And then there are all the concubines, which were something like second-class wives. The Mosaic law doesn’t forbid polygamy, nor do the prophets condemn it. If polygamy was acceptable for these figures, does that mean it’s acceptable for us today?

Before answering that, we have to address a foundational question: are the texts that mention multiple wives descriptive (reporting events as they happened) or prescriptive (instructing believers how to live)? Understanding this distinction is essential, because the Bible—like many other kinds of writing—frequently describes things it disapproves of.

The Biblical View of Marriage

The ideal of marriage appears in Genesis 2, where Adam and Eve are joined together. The text declares that a man and woman are to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Jesus later affirms a monogamous view of marriage (19:4-9) and says that to look at any other woman lustfully is to commit adultery (Matthew 5:27-28). If this were not clear enough, the apostle Paul states that every man was to have his own wife, and every woman her husband (1 Corinthians 7:2). 

Paul makes another relevant statement concerning marriage in his first letter to Timothy. He says that an overseer (or elder) is to be the husband of one wife (1 Timothy 3:2). Many interpret this as a direct prohibition of polygamy, but the cultural context complicates that interpretation. Polygamy was highly unusual in the first century—the Greeks and Romans practiced monogamy, with exceptions being rare. Polygamy was still legal for Jews, but was practiced infrequently. Monogamy was seen as the ideal. 

In Paul’s cultural context, the more common problem was not polygamy but a double standard of fidelity: wives were expected to be completely faithful while husbands enjoyed virtual impunity. As a result, the majority of scholars view Paul’s statement as saying that a leader should be “faithful to his wife” or a “one-woman man.” A fourth-century BC by the Greek statesman Demosthenes (but probably written by Apollodorus), put it bluntly, “We have prostitutes for pleasure, concubines to care for our daily body’s needs, and wives to bear us legitimate children and to be faithful guardians of our households” (Against Neaera 122). The first-century author Plutarch mentioned something similar. He said, 

The lawful wives of the Persian kings sit beside them at dinner, and eat with them. But when the kings wish to be merry and get drunk, they send their wives away, and send for their music-girls and concubines. In so far they are right in what they do, because they do not concede any share in their licentiousness and debauchery to their wedded wives. If therefore a man in private life … commit some peccadillo with a paramour or a maidservant, his wedded wife ought not to be indignant or angry, but she should reason that it is respect for her which leads him to share his debauchery, licentiousness, and wantonness with another woman. (Advice to the Bride and Groom 16)

In other words, men do this with other women because they respect their wives too much to have them participate in their debauchery. That sounds like quite a morally convoluted defense. 

In Paul’s letter, he says that a man is not merely forbidden to practice polygamy—his requirements are far stricter. Paul demands just as much fidelity from husbands as he would from wives. For those who might argue that this applies only to men in leadership positions, other passages emphasize the importance of leaders who should serve as good examples to be imitated (1 Peter 5:3; Hebrews 13:7). They were the moral role models for other believers. So if leaders are not permitted to have more than one wife, we may argue that no one else can, either. 

Negative Implications of Polygamy in the Bible

The first reference in the Bible to polygamy is found in Genesis 4, where a man named Lamech boasts about murdering someone to his two wives. So the first polygamist is also a murderer—this is not an auspicious beginning. 

One of the instructions for the king of Israel is that he is not to “multiply wives for himself” (Deuteronomy 17:17). This likely reflects the danger of political marriages introducing the worship of foreign gods. Solomon worshiped the gods of his wives (1 Kings 11:3), and Ahab’s marriage to the Phoenician princess Jezebel took Ba’al worship to new heights in Israel (1 Kings 16:33). That said, this command seems aimed at the political excesses of royalty rather than serving as a blanket prohibition of polygamy.

However, the disastrous influences of polygamy can be seen in the fractures it generates within families. Consider the following: 

We can see something of the friction polygamy causes in Abraham’s family when Sarah demands that he expel Hagar (Genesis 21). According to the law of the times, Abraham had every right to take a concubine. But rivalry and envy are constant companions to polygamy.We see similar friction in Jacob’s family. We see jealousy between Rachel and Leah (Genesis 30), although he had four women. This seems to have contributed to Joseph’s half-brothers ganging up on him to sell him into slavery (Genesis 29-37). Essentially, this situation leads to envy that culminates in attempted murder and human trafficking (Genesis 37). Gideon’s many wives and concubines produced dozens of sons. His son Abimelech murders almost all of his brothers and plunges the people into civil war in his attempted rise to power. We see similar infighting between Elkanah’s two wives, Hannah and Peninnah (1 Samuel 1). Although Hannah seems innocent of wrongdoing, Peninnah torments her to the point that she calls her rival a persecutor (1 Samuel 1). David’s son Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar and is later murdered by her full brother Absalom (2 Samuel 13:28-29). Later, Absalom attempts to usurp the Israelite throne and has sex with his father’s concubines to establish his royal claim (2 Samuel 16:22).

It is very difficult to find a positive reference to polygamy in the Bible. However, it is relatively easy to find a positive view of polygamy when it comes to Christian-themed cults (Mormonism, the Branch Davidians). At first, the Book of Mormon denounced polygamy (Jacob 2:23-28; 3:5-8). Doctrine and Covenants—a text supposedly revealed to Joseph Smith—endorses monogamy (D&C 42:22). Later contradictory revelations supposedly given to Smith permit polygamy (D&C 132:51-66), even though many Mormons do not practice it today. (The Church of Christ of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints officially banned polygamy in the 1890 Manifesto under intense federal pressure against the practice before Utah would be permitted to join the Union.) Some splinter groups like the FLDS, the Apostolic United Brethren, and the Kingston group continue to practice polygamy, however. The reason why these groups practice it is not difficult to imagine, of course. 

The Old Testament regulated the existing practice of polygamy for ancient Israel, but neither endorses nor prescribes it—depictions of the practice almost always involve rivalry, violence, and family breakdown (which is not unknown in plural marriages today). Instead, it suggests monogamy as the ideal. The New Testament forbids it entirely. The fact that polygamy exists today only in tightly-controlled, cultic splinter groups reinforce what the biblical narratives indicate from the beginning: that marriage as one man and one woman is not a cultural accident, but by design. 

We all know that the Bible teaches Christians how to treat one another with respect, dignity, and honor. If we were to all consistently apply Paul’s masterpiece on love in 1 Corinthians to our lives, condescension, discrimination, prejudice, contempt, and jealousy would virtually disappear overnight. Scripture gives us a blueprint for a worldview without equal. And this is all part of a package deal—if any part of it suffers, other areas begin to unravel, too.

No one follows the Bible’s commands without fail. We’re all imperfect people, so we’re going to follow Christ imperfectly. However, systemic problems can infect a congregation. Leaders have to be both watchful and careful to notice these things when they arise. Here are a few of them that plague churches today.

Biblical authority is held in low esteem. Scripture is the authoritative Word of God. And this is something for which we can be deeply thankful. It gives us clear instructions on how to do God’s will, God’s way. When a congregation loses its reverence for Scripture as the final authority, everything downstream suffers. It affects not only doctrine but the very identity of the local church. A high view of Scripture is not optional; it is foundational.

Personal interpretations take precedence over biblical truth. We have a knack for reading into the Bible those things we want to believe or believe already (a practice called eisegesis). We might build entire theological systems based on isolated verses taken out of context (see examples here weirdest things Christians believe), force connections between passages that don’t naturally belong together, or twist Scripture to fit a preferred conclusion. Peter warned about exactly this kind of distortion (2 Peter 3:16). Faithful interpretation requires humility, attention to context, and discipline.

Members are not encouraged to grow intellectually. Sadly, some churches discourage intellectual development. Helpful disciplines like history, archaeology, science, and theology can be unfairly treated with suspicion. These disciplines serve as valuable tools for illuminating the biblical text. Jesus did not call anyone to a simple-minded faith. There is a reason why some of history’s greatest thinkers in the last 2,000 years have also been theologians. When leaders discourage the intellectual growth of members, they do not protect the church—they impoverish it.

Members are not allowed to ask questions. Healthy congregations welcome sincere questions; unhealthy ones suppress them. Some leaders function more like rulers than servants, resisting accountability and discouraging inquiry. Preachers may bristle at difficult questions, fearing that an inability to respond immediately makes them look bad. Humility is a vital attribute for every Christian, and it is especially important in leaders, where it will be on full display. There is no shame in telling someone, “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you.” That response is transparent, humble, and honest. The willingness to say it is a mark of strength, not weakness.

Traditions are equal to commandments. This problem is as ancient as Jesus’ confrontations with the Pharisees in the first century. They had elevated the commandments of men to such a degree that those traditions not only rivaled the authority of God but actually caused some to violate his will—what Jesus described as “making void the word of God “(Mark 7:13). Traditions can be powerful, meaningful, and even useful, but they can never supersede Scripture. Whenever they rival or replace God’s Word, they cease to be a help and become a hindrance.

Substituting Rule-Keeping for Christlikeness. What is the aim of the Christian life? Authentic churches hold up Christ as the perfect model for imitation. Troubled churches sometimes follow a prescribed code of conduct that appears biblical but is focused on secondary matters. When leadership enforces these standards through pressure and manipulation, members are forced to conform without being transformed. Jesus warned of those who made converts only to render them “twice as much a child of hell” as their teachers (Matthew 23:15). Majoring in the minors, enforced through pressure, is a sign of a congregation that has lost its spiritual center.

If you are part of a congregation facing some of these problems, you might consider finding a healthier community. Then again, you might feel called to stay and fight for the truth—and that is a very noble and worthy thing. But if you take the second path, remember this very important truth: you’re going to be a fish swimming upstream. Do it with grace, patience, and courage. Jesus and his church deserve no less.

Humans were created as social beings. And while we like being social, some of us struggle with how to do it well. Most of us weren’t handed a manual on how to treat people—we figured it out through awkward moments, a few regrets, and the occasional cringe-worthy memory we’d rather forget. But if you want to know how to treat others, Proverbs was already covering this thousands of years ago. These aren’t tips on which fork to use or what colors may be worn after a certain date on the calendar. They’re about the small, everyday choices that determine whether people feel honored or devalued after interacting with us. Frankly, most of us have more room to grow here than we’d like to admit. Let’s look at a few important examples of how to treat others well. 

“The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all.” — Proverbs 22:2

Never disrespect someone for their job or career. Every person bears God’s image and deserves dignity. Whether someone cleans floors or runs a corporation, their worth is not determined by their paycheck or position. God created both the janitor and the CEO with equal value. When we look down on someone for their occupation, we’re criticizing God’s craftsmanship. True class isn’t shown by what we do for a living, but by how we treat those who can do nothing for us in return.

“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” — Proverbs 18:13

Listen respectfully to others without interrupting them. Interrupting someone or formulating our response while they’re still speaking says that our thoughts are more important than theirs, and that we’ve already decided what they’re going to say isn’t worth our full attention. Wisdom demands the patience to hear someone fully before responding. Rushing to answer leads to misunderstanding, missed nuance, and damaged relationships. True listening is an act of love that honors the speaker, who is made in God’s image just as much as we are.

“Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.” — Proverbs 25:17

Don’t overstay your welcome. Even great friendships need boundaries. There’s wisdom in recognizing that hospitality has limits, and that people need their private space and time. Overstaying—physically lingering too long or emotionally demanding too much—can transform affection into resentment. Know when to leave graciously, and we’ll always be welcomed back.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1

Speak gently; harsh words escalate conflict. Our tone can either defuse a tense situation or detonate it. This proverb isn’t about being weak or passive—it’s about being strategic. Gentleness is strength under control, and it’s one of the most powerful tools for resolving conflicts with dignity.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.” — Proverbs 11:13

Don’t spread others’ secrets—be a safe person. Being trustworthy means becoming an impregnable vault for the confidences others share with us. When someone trusts us with their struggles, fears, or private matters, they’re giving us something precious. People instinctively know who is safe and who isn’t, and those who prove themselves trustworthy become rare treasures in a world full of loose lips. If we want deep, meaningful relationships, we must become the kind of person who can keep a secret, especially when sharing it would make for a juicy story.

“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” — Proverbs 11:1

If someone is shy or awkward in social situations, do not point it out. Sensitivity is a mark of wisdom. Pointing out someone’s social awkwardness, shyness, or discomfort doesn’t help them—it humiliates them and reveals our own lack of emotional intelligence. The wise person recognizes vulnerability and responds with grace. There’s no virtue in making someone feel smaller or more self-conscious. True kindness means allowing people to be themselves without fear of mockery or exposure. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to pretend not to notice when someone does something embarrassing.

“Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel.” — Proverbs 20:17

Don’t take credit for work you didn’t do. Stolen credit might taste sweet in the moment as we savor praise and recognition, but it ultimately turns sour. When we claim someone else’s work, ideas, or achievements as our own, we’re building our reputation on a foundation of lies that cannot withstand scrutiny. The truth has a way of surfacing, and when it does, we lose not only the false credit but also our integrity and trustworthiness. Honest work builds a lasting reputation and character we can be proud of.

“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth.” — Proverbs 27:2

Avoid bragging or self-promotion. Self-promotion reveals insecurity and diminishes the very accomplishments we’re trying to highlight. Constantly talking about ourselves forces others to either validate us or resent us. True excellence speaks for itself and is far more powerful when recognized by others than when announced by ourselves. Unsolicited praise carries more weight than self-congratulation ever could.

“Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.” — Proverbs 26:17

Don’t meddle in drama that isn’t yours. Inserting ourselves into other people’s conflicts is like grabbing a dog by the ears: we’re going to get bitten. Not every conflict requires our input, opinion, or mediation. Wisdom knows the difference between being helpful and being meddlesome, between offering support when asked and forcing our way into situations where we don’t belong. 

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” — Proverbs 16:32

Control your temper—it’s the heart of good manners. Anyone can lash out when provoked, but it takes real strength to pause before reacting, choose our response, and remain composed. An unchecked temper can destroy in seconds what took years to build: relationships, reputation, and respect. Ruling our own spirit is one of the most powerful things a person can do. 

None of this is terribly complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It takes genuine effort to bite our tongue when we want to interrupt, to withhold a bit of juicy gossip, or to remain calm when we want to react. In a sense, that’s exactly what makes these things matter. When we consistently show up as someone who listens, respects, and treats people with genuine dignity, people notice — even if they never say so. Proverbs has been saying it for millennia, and it’s still just as true today: the way we treat others is the truest thing about us.

The Internet began with wonder and amazement at the marvelous things we could communicate thanks to technology. A couple of decades later, it’s essentially a digital version of the Hunger Games. When you post online, it can be brutal. Here is a simple guide for posting online to help you craft language that will (hopefully) minimize the possibility of unnecessary disputes, misunderstandings, and ill-conceived responses. 

On Interpretation

If your post can be interpreted in any way to be political, it will be. If a post you share can be interpreted as racist, homophobic, or anything else problematic, it will be—and you will be too, by extension.Any mention of “justice,” “freedom,” “family,” or “love” is now a political Rorschach test. Choose your words wisely.Posting a Bible verse? You may have just taken a political stance you didn’t know you had.

On Tribal Warfare

If you appear to support one side, the other will berate you with a caricature that bears little resemblance to reality. It usually includes statements like, “So you believe in X” (a radical position you do not hold) or, “So I guess you’re totally okay with _______ (fill in the blank with some loosely-connected moral atrocity).Each side will attack the other by presenting its very worst members as typical representatives.Your nuanced position will be flattened into the most extreme version imaginable. Be prepared. 

On Moral Posturing

Never underestimate anyone’s ability to seize the moral high ground no matter how many sins they need to overlook, forget about, or dismiss.Everyone is an expert on Christian ethics except when applying it to themselves; twice as much as if they are a non-believer, and ten times as much if they identify as a “former Christian.”Many people operate on the belief that the first person to express moral outrage the loudest wins the debate. 

On News Cycles

If you urge caution about making judgments when a news story breaks, you will immediately be pigeonholed and attacked by one side for supporting whatever happened, and by the other for being naive. When several days have passed and more information comes out that proves one side overreacted, they will immediately retreat to a safe position from which they can use the same criticisms using different stories. Breaking news breaks people’s ability to wait for facts. Your call for patience will be treated as complicity.By the time the full story emerges, everyone has moved on to being outraged about something else. Any attempt you might make to demonstrate a model of fairness, even-handedness, and sober judgment will be lost in the noise. 

On Logic and Consistency

Whataboutism is wrong when they do it, but it’s called “providing context” when we do it.Your logical consistency will be measured by whether you agree, not by whether you’re actually being consistent.

On Christian Example

Your testimony about God’s transforming love will get a dozen likes. Your hot take on current events will get over a hundred angry comments.Nothing says “we’ll know you’re Christians by your love” quite like a good comment-section brawl.The fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience…) get fewer retweets than righteous indignation. You’ll be accused of being “too political” and “not political enough” in the same thread.

Final Remarks

If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face in front of other Christians in your church lobby, don’t type it.You’re probably not the prophetic voice this generation needs. You might just be tired and scrolling past your bedtime.Remember: your unsaved friends are watching you fight with other Christians about who’s being more Christian in a manner that is probably not very Christlike. The algorithm rewards outrage, not wisdom. Act accordingly, or don’t act at all.When in doubt, remember: the early church changed the world without a single keyboard warrior, social media platform, tweet, or Facebook post.

Social media influences young women every day. We live in a culture where appearances can shape our expectations and values, and people often conceal their flaws behind carefully curated appearances and profile pictures. It can also distort what healthy relationships look like. 

As a father, I watch my teenage daughters navigate a world that is simultaneously more connected and more confusing than any generation before them. They are bombarded with messages about what they should look like, how they should act, and what they should expect from relationships. The cultural noise can be overwhelming, often drowning out the wisdom that comes from experience, observation, and genuine concern.

With that in mind, I would like to share a few insights I tell my daughters about assessing the character of others—particularly the men who will seek their time and attention. 

1. A person’s character shows long before his intentions do. People are not always transparent, and sometimes it takes a while to know who someone is beneath their charm. Apart from experience over time and observing them in unguarded moments, one of the easiest and most reliable tests of a man’s character is to see how he treats people who can do nothing for him. Goodness for its own sake is the most honest kind. A man who shows gratitude and respect without expecting anything in return is telegraphing that he is genuine and caring. If he is charming to you but rude to others, it is only a matter of time before he treats you the same way. 

2. Pay attention to how he handles his anger. Anger is a universal human emotion, and there are many circumstances in which anger is an appropriate response. Injustice, unfairness, and abuse all warrant righteous indignation. But we all have moments where our anger gets the better of us. See how quickly a man loses his temper, and what he does as a result. A hair trigger is an important warning sign. Even more importantly, if he hits things, he will hit you. Anger mismanaged will become anger misdirected. How a man regulates his emotions is one of the best long-term indicators of how he will behave in a relationship.

3. Observe how he reacts to your success. Your achievements will reveal as much about your partner as they do about your own capabilities. A secure man will celebrate you without fear or jealousy—your success will not threaten him. An insecure man will compete with you, dismiss your accomplishments, or find ways to make your victories seem smaller (especially when compared to his own). How does his ego withstand envy? The husband you want will understand that your successes are not zero-sum games; biblical marriage is for partners who complement one another without competition.

4. Respect for your boundaries is non-negotiable. A real man will respect the boundaries you set. If he disrespects them once, he will do it again. Repeated boundary-breaking is not a series of mistakes—it is a habit. If you see him pushing, pressuring, or using guilt to get you to lower your standards or adjust your expectations, you can expect a lifetime of it. You may want to explain why your boundaries exist to foster good communication and understanding. Still, you are not obligated to negotiate them unless there is a good (read: biblical) reason.

5. Watch for patterns, not apologies. Apologies are easy; over time, they become cheap. If you are constantly having to forgive him, he is not repentant—he is manipulative. A man who is genuinely sorry will stop doing the thing that disappointed or hurt you. The man who is not will use remorse as a tool of control to keep you from leaving him after you tire of his antics. Forget the explanations he offers; what he does repeatedly will reveal his character.

6. Behavior is predictable. If you want to gauge how a man will treat you, look at the men he admires; his heroes are a blueprint for the person he wants to be. A man shaped by godly, honorable examples will prize faithfulness, loyalty, and service. The man who admires the selfish, the cruel, and the irresponsible will become one of them. 

7. Love is not proved by how much pain you can endure. Suffering is not a measure of devotion. The depth of your love is not determined by how much mistreatment you are willing to tolerate. Real love does not demand the erosion of your joy, confidence, dignity, or emotional safety. A relationship should not feel like a battlefield or proving ground where you earn affection through trials. A godly relationship should feel like an oasis in the desert, not one of the twelve labors of Hercules. 

8. You are more than your body. It is important to be physically attracted to your mate. But an overemphasis on looks is detrimental to a relationship. If you choose someone who is too interested in outward appearances, what happens if you—as we all do!—put on a little weight over time? What happens when your beauty fades with age? If you’ve chosen someone who is materialistic and vapid, how long will it take for your Prince Charming to look for a younger, prettier version? You are more than your appearance (and your mate should be, too). They say beauty is only skin deep; in reality, it shines from within. 

Qualities that truly sustain a relationship—character, integrity, faithfulness—only get better with age. Yes, men take longer to mature (this is painfully evident), which is why you must be patient and discerning about who deserves your heart. 

My daughters, the world will try to define your worth by beauty, popularity, performance, or romantic attention. Do not settle for someone who makes you smaller or forces you to take a backseat so they can enjoy the spotlight. Choose someone who honors God, values integrity, and celebrates you, and who makes you want to respond in kind. 

Above all else, make sure he is helping you get closer to God. If not, he is simply not worth your time. 

The arrival of a new year invites reflection, resolve, and renewed hope. Calendars turn. Goals are written. Aspirations feel fresh. There is something deeply human—and good—about wanting to improve, to grow, and to do better than we did before. As we enter this new year, I’d like to offer a few suggestions to make the most of the time we have. 

Don’t Establish Unrealistic Expectations

One of the greatest dangers at the start of a new year is the temptation to overcommit. We like starting points because they offer something new and fresh. Something clean. It gives us a way to bury past disappointments by resolving not to repeat the same mistakes. We imagine our transformed selves, and, armed with newfound optimism, we may be tempted to overachieve. We pile one resolution on top of the next until our ability breaks under the weight of our expectations. 

We can’t do everything at once. There are only so many hours in the day. No matter how badly we want to become that idealized version of ourselves, we need to set manageable expectations. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and our new self won’t be, either. If we set goals and fail to achieve them, we’ll be right back where we started—or worse, discouraged and defeated.

Create Hope Through Realistic Goals

Hope is built on truth, not fantasy, and success doesn’t come overnight. It usually comes from small victories and steady, faithful consistency. If you want to lose forty pounds, read fifty books, develop your prayer life, or improve your relationships, it’s going to take time. A realistic goal doesn’t necessarily mean something small; it implies something manageable. Set achievable goals and relish each little success along the way. Sometimes momentum takes time to build, and that’s okay. 

Beware Unrealistic Expectations 

Unrealistic expectations often disguise themselves as spiritual ambition or personal discipline. We want to overhaul everything at once—habits, schedules, productivity, health, relationships, finances—without accounting for the limits of time, energy, or human weakness. The result is predictable. Early enthusiasm gives way to fatigue. Missed goals breed guilt. Progress falters because we failed to reach perfection. When expectations are too high, failure becomes inevitable, not because the goal was misguided, but because the approach was unwise.

Success is not measured by how ambitious our resolutions sound in January, but by whether we are still practicing them at the end of the year. Make your dreams more manageable. A successful year may look like:

Fewer goals, but greater follow-through. It’s better to accomplish two meaningful changes than abandon twenty ambitious ones. Slower growth, but deeper formation. Character forms over time. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Less noise, but more clarity. Cut through the clutter of self-improvement advice and unrealistic dreams and focus on what truly matters. 

The new year is a gift. Use it wisely. Set goals you’re able to achieve. Build new habits, knowing that it might take a few weeks or even months to get into the swing of things. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t need to transform everything by February. You don’t need to become a completely different person before summer. Pace yourself. It’s slow, but it will produce results that frantic efforts never will. 

Take your time. You’re worth it. 

Alleged contradictions are the holy grail of biblical criticism. When trying to find contradictions in the Bible, critics typically look for two passages that seem to say different things, without considering anything else. They usually ignore essential things like vocabulary and context (which is how these discrepancies are created initially). One online resource that does a spectacular job of this is the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible. 

In the entry titled “Does God respect anyone?” the text says that in some places, the Bible says yes, and in others, the Bible says no. This is the kind of thing we’re talking about. Critics often use an older translation, like the King James Version, where the wording gives them enough room to shoehorn a supposed contradiction into the text. And this is one of those cases. Let’s explore some individual examples. 

“And the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect” (Genesis 4:4b-5a). Right off the bat, we can see that the word respect is being used differently than how we might use it today. The Hebrew word šāʿâ means to look at with approval, and in this instance, it means “to accept.” Simply put, God accepted Abel and his offering. The word respect as used by the translators of the King James Version had a different shade of meaning than the modern use of the word. “And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God had respect unto them” (Exodus 2:25). Here we have a different Hebrew term. It is the word yādaʿ, which primarily means “to know.” That is a very different meaning from the modern definition of respect. Modern versions correctly translate this phrase as “God knew.”“For I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you” (Leviticus 26:9). Once again, we have another different Hebrew term. The word used here is pānâ, meaning “to turn.” The verse should be accurately translated as “I will turn to you and make you fruitful and multiply you and will confirm my covenant with you.”“Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off” (Psalm 138:6). This is the fourth use of the word respect, and yet again we have a different Hebrew word: ra’ah, meaning “to see, consider.” When we look at this verse, it’s saying that God is close to the lowly but distances himself from the prideful. You can see this same approach all over the Bible, especially in the ministry of Jesus. He often showed concern for the downtrodden and the helpless, and was typically at odds with arrogant elitists. That’s precisely what this verse is talking about. 

When we consider the original languages, we can see that the modern word “respect” doesn’t fit these verses most of the time. So we’ve got a translation issue here. Specifically, an older translation where the key word has changed in meaning for a modern audience. Also, the translators who worked on the King James version chose to render several different Hebrew words with just one English word. If you aren’t paying attention to that fact, it will cause some confusion. 

There are other passages where the Skeptics Annotated Bible says that God doesn’t respect people. But we’ve already seen that the author here has a massive problem with understanding languages. It only gets better from here. Let’s look at some of those passages. Let’s work through some of these passages.

“Wherefore now let the fear of the Lord be upon you; take heed and do it: for there is no iniquity with the Lord our God, nor respect of persons, nor taking of gifts” (2 Chronicles 19:7). So does this verse contradict the others we’ve seen? Does God not respect people? Well, the Hebrew phrase maśśoʾ pānîm means literally “to lift up the face.” It’s an idiomatic expression that means to show favor. Simply by looking at the context, you can get a hint that there’s something else going on here other than giving someone respect, because the word is sandwiched between iniquity and bribery. Modern translations accurately render this as “partiality.” So the text is not telling us that God never respects people, it’s saying that he doesn’t show favoritism. “God is no respecter of persons” (Acts 10:34). The word here is the Greek term prosōpolēmptēs, which means to show favoritism or unjustly treat one person better than another. Paul also says that God is no respecter of persons in Ephesians 6:9 and says something similar in Colossians 3:25. He uses the same Greek word in both places. So this isn’t about showing respect, it’s about showing partiality.God is “without respect of persons” who “judgeth according to every man’s work” (1 Peter 1:17). Just by reading the entire verse, we can get a sense that there’s more to this than meets the eye. And when we look at the Greek, it becomes even clearer. The word aprosōpolēmtōs describes someone who behaves in an unprejudiced manner. So the apostle isn’t saying that God disrespects people; only that he doesn’t play favorites. 

By examining the original languages, we can see that many so-called contradictions are easily solved. The Skeptic’s Annotated Bible is a gold mine of problems with more bark than bite. It’s easy to see that the author of this book didn’t take the time to understand the difference between the Modern and Early Modern uses of the word “respect” or investigate the underlying Greek and Hebrew terms. Once we do this, this supposed contradiction evaporates like so many others—which is typically what happens when you take the time to do a little research.

For the video version of this post, please go here.