Michael Lamendola's Blog

At the moment I am sitting in cabin 3589. Across the hall Nick the lounge guitar player sits in his cabin strumming his acoustic. He���s not strumming his acoustic in a lounge because he is on day seven of laryngitis. Outside the ship���s hull is the ocean, passing by at an estimated speed of eighteen knots as we cruise back to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I say estimated because the ship���s channel doesn���t tell me how fast we���re going. And as for me? I���m sitting by the phone waiting to see if the medical center is going to allow me to sign me off tomorrow.

If it wasn���t for that last sentence I would begin telling you all about the Celebrity Equinox, how it is a massive cruise ship built in 2009 that has a passenger capacity of 3,200 and a crew of 1,200. I would go on to explain how the 1,200 seat, 10 million dollar theatre has more bells and whistles than a one man band busking the weekend shift on Santa Monica Pier. And I would finish by bragging about starting my itinerary in the Eastern and Western Caribbean before crossing the Atlantic and doing ten and eleven day cruises out of Italy to Greece and Turkey.

But there���s still the matter of that last sentence��� and five minutes later I am still waiting for that phone call.

To make a long story short, it turns out that sweating over a hot microphone isn���t doing my already ailing left ear any favors. Those of you who know me, or have kept up with my blogs, know that I have been fighting my bum ear for years. Two stapedectomies and two fat graphs later, I thought I had it licked��� or at least thought we had come to an agreement. Simply put, I still have a hole in my ear drum that the fat grafts didn't take care of��� bummer. After singing a double of our Cirque style show ���Equinox,��� however, my ear was ringing louder than that one man busker on Santa Monica Pier. So after seeing an ear doctor in Florida, and verifying his concerns with another ENT in Cartagena, Colombia (Celebrity���s idea, not mine), the papers have been signed stating that I am no longer ���fit for duty.��� That was three days ago, and after another eight minutes I still have no idea if I���m disembarking tomorrow.

In any case, there are the usual stories to tell about the ship, her crew areas, and my time spent (however brief) both on and off the vessel��� but I think all that is best saved for another time.

---

I wrote all of that somewhere in late February, only to rediscover it in early May. I intended to write a blog about my newest release, ALL NIGHT LONG SHOT. Instead, I think I���ll go ahead and finish the story.

So I did finally make it off the ship on March 3rd, flying out of St. Maarten to Ft. Lauderdale, then experiencing the finest immigration process known to man before flying back to Texas. Since then I���ve seen an ear doctor locally, then an ear specialist at UT Medical in Dallas. After that I scheduled a surgery, and went under the knife just a couple of weeks ago. Basically he peeled the ear drum back, lazered away the infections and scar tissue, then took a skin graft from my ear and laid the cartilage on the inside of the ear drum to encourage the hole to seal. He then packed the inside of the eardrum with some dissolving chemical, closed the hood, and layered more packing in the outside. It���s sort of like an eardrum PB&J.

Just yesterday I saw the ear doc for my first check in, and he says things are healing properly. In another six weeks my ear drum will hopefully have totally sealed and stop letting water into my middle ear, which is the major cause for my hearing loss and tinnitus (both awesome things to have as a singer).  So I���m doing everything I can to promote ear health: taking baths instead of showers, not washing my hair, chanting while stabbing a voodoo doll and juggling snakes��� you know, all the stuff the doctor prescribes.

Unfortunately, I will most likely not be back on the Equinox any time soon. It���s not anything bad; just that when a cruise ship employee of my position has to leave, the replacement that comes on will finish the contract. And that���s cool too. There���ll be other opportunities. Sure, I���ll miss seeing Greece, and hanging out with some great people, but health has to come first, and I am extremely thankful that RCCL has helped me along the way.

And that���s about it! Hopefully I���ll be writing about some more exciting things in the near future. But as for right now, it���s my ear and the Pythagorean theorem.

A squared + B squared = C squared.

Keep on Livin��� The Dream,

Michael Lamendola (hanging out with the Celebrity Equinox in Roatan, Honduras)

At the moment I am sitting in cabin 3589. Across the hall Nick the lounge guitar player sits in his cabin strumming his acoustic. He’s not strumming his acoustic in a lounge because he is on day seven of laryngitis. Outside the ship’s hull is the ocean, passing by at an estimated speed of eighteen knots as we cruise back to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I say estimated because the ship’s channel doesn’t tell me how fast we’re going. And as for me? I’m sitting by the phone waiting to see if the medical center is going to allow me to sign me off tomorrow.

If it wasn’t for that last sentence I would begin telling you all about the Celebrity Equinox, how it is a massive cruise ship built in 2009 that has a passenger capacity of 3,200 and a crew of 1,200. I would go on to explain how the 1,200 seat, 10 million dollar theatre has more bells and whistles than a one man band busking the weekend shift on Santa Monica Pier. And I would finish by bragging about starting my itinerary in the Eastern and Western Caribbean before crossing the Atlantic and doing ten and eleven day cruises out of Italy to Greece and Turkey.

But there’s still the matter of that last sentence… and five minutes later I am still waiting for that phone call.

To make a long story short, it turns out that sweating over a hot microphone isn’t doing my already ailing left ear any favors. Those of you who know me, or have kept up with my blogs, know that I have been fighting my bum ear for years. Two stapedectomies and two fat graphs later, I thought I had it licked… or at least thought we had come to an agreement. Simply put, I still have a hole in my ear drum that the fat grafts didn't take care of… bummer. After singing a double of our Cirque style show “Equinox,” however, my ear was ringing louder than that one man busker on Santa Monica Pier. So after seeing an ear doctor in Florida, and verifying his concerns with another ENT in Cartagena, Colombia (Celebrity’s idea, not mine), the papers have been signed stating that I am no longer “fit for duty.” That was three days ago, and after another eight minutes I still have no idea if I’m disembarking tomorrow.

In any case, there are the usual stories to tell about the ship, her crew areas, and my time spent (however brief) both on and off the vessel… but I think all that is best saved for another time.

---

I wrote all of that somewhere in late February, only to rediscover it in early May. I intended to write a blog about my newest release, ALL NIGHT LONG SHOT. Instead, I think I’ll go ahead and finish the story.

So I did finally make it off the ship on March 3rd, flying out of St. Maarten to Ft. Lauderdale, then experiencing the finest immigration process known to man before flying back to Texas. Since then I’ve seen an ear doctor locally, then an ear specialist at UT Medical in Dallas. After that I scheduled a surgery, and went under the knife just a couple of weeks ago. Basically he peeled the ear drum back, lazered away the infections and scar tissue, then took a skin graft from my ear and laid the cartilage on the inside of the ear drum to encourage the hole to seal. He then packed the inside of the eardrum with some dissolving chemical, closed the hood, and layered more packing in the outside. It’s sort of like an eardrum PB&J.

Just yesterday I saw the ear doc for my first check in, and he says things are healing properly. In another six weeks my ear drum will hopefully have totally sealed and stop letting water into my middle ear, which is the major cause for my hearing loss and tinnitus (both awesome things to have as a singer).  So I’m doing everything I can to promote ear health: taking baths instead of showers, not washing my hair, chanting while stabbing a voodoo doll and juggling snakes… you know, all the stuff the doctor prescribes.

Unfortunately, I will most likely not be back on the Equinox any time soon. It’s not anything bad; just that when a cruise ship employee of my position has to leave, the replacement that comes on will finish the contract. And that’s cool too. There’ll be other opportunities. Sure, I’ll miss seeing Greece, and hanging out with some great people, but health has to come first, and I am extremely thankful that RCCL has helped me along the way.

And that’s about it! Hopefully I’ll be writing about some more exciting things in the near future. But as for right now, it’s my ear and the Pythagorean theorem.

A squared + B squared = C squared.

Keep on Livin’ The Dream,

Michael Lamendola (hanging out with the Celebrity Equinox in Roatan, Honduras)

At the moment we are on sea day number two of six on our trip from Japan to Singapore. Outside my cabin, the theatre techs are clearing the stage from a famous Japanese singer���s show, and outside the theatre passengers are milling about, deciding whether to go ballroom dancing in Club 2100, listen to The Namana Band in Palm Court, make believe they are gambling in our casino, or rest up for another busy day at sea tomorrow. As for me, I���m just sitting here looking at pictures.

It���s been a long road travelled on the Asuka II, about ten and a half months worth to be exact, including four continents, eighteen countries, and over fifty Japanese cities. While I would normally take the time to explain what life is like during the final weeks on board, there honestly isn���t much to say that hasn���t already been said. Since we last spoke I���ve travelled a bit around Japan, mostly to places I���ve already experienced like Yokohama and Kobe, and like I mentioned earlier, the last week is pretty much a blur of sea days at an average speed of eighteen knots.

So, I was thinking��� how do I put a cap on all of this? As I was looking through my pictures, I thought it might be interesting to go back and pick my favorite shot from each Japanese port I���ve visited. Since I am writing this on the fly, this could end up being redundant, as some ports I literally have nothing to say, except for��� well��� it was in Japan. But, at the risk of putting you through the agony of looking at someone else���s vacation photos, I am going to blindly march on. Hopefully I���ll have something anecdotal, witty, or shamelessly oblivious to say. (If you're dying to read something with a little more substance, take a gander at my Cruise Ship Blog Directory) Let���s just jump in and see what happens:

ABURATSU

Strangely enough, I���m beginning at the end, as Aburatsu was one of the last places I visited before taking off for Singapore. Outside the ship there was some water, some land, and not much else, so I went for a jog. What you see here is a large version of a Japanese ���wishing statue��� for lack of better term, and I actually have one!

As you can see, this one doesn���t have his eyes colored in��� that���s my job. When you get one of these things, you make a wish. When you do, you color in one of his eyes. When it comes true, you color in the other. As you can see, I never got around to it. Other things on my shelf include a ���Stone Grandpa,��� which can be found all over the island of Jeju, South Korea, a tiny Daibutsu, and a paper mache squid and rabbit.

ABASHIRI

This, like many of the ports in Japan, I only visited once. On this day I went for a jog and took three pictures. Seen in front of the ship is a big pile of dirt or coal. It wasn���t long after that I started to formulate my equation of the amount of fun a port can offer��� that formula, once again, is:

(Size of the pier * piles of stuff on the pier) inversely equals amount of fun to be had in port

AKITA

During a late night, and after a Japanese meal, we found ourselves drinking tall boys of Kirin by the water. Since I was two thirds of the way there, I bummed a smoke to complete the holy trifecta of white trash.

AOMORI

This night we were part of the Aomori summer festival. Everyone wore pretty much the same yucata (a light kimono), and marched down the street yelling ���Ra Se Ra��� over and over while people beat drums and played flutes, while large, internally lit paper-mache floats nipped at our tails in the hot and sticky Japanese night.

AWAODORI

The other big summer festival we took part in, only this time the marching was done in defined areas, and adjudicated by a group of experts. This time, the chanting was ���Yac-te-sa,��� but it was still unbelievably hot. You can see more pictures of both these parades, and some nifty video in part five: Dancing In The Streets.

FUNAKAWA

It was hotter than hell this day, but as we sailed off, the locals still sent us off beating drums and dancing. Many ports did this, each in their own unique way.

HAKATA

This little girl was walking around with her parents outside a temple. I think this is some sort of child���s rite-of-passage, but I don���t know any of the details.

HAKODATE

The view from the top of Mt. Hakodate. Located in Northern Japan, this is also the place where I had LIVE SQUID��� that video is just below:

Of course, you can learn about all sorts of Japanese delights at my food blog... Oishi! HAMADA

Another port, another pile of wood. The equation stands.

HIROSHIMA

During this night I explored the city with a brother of a coworker of mine, and among the places I saw was the Peace Dome, one of the few surviving structures of the infamous bombing.

ITO

We visited Ito during Japan���s summer festival season, and like many cities, they celebrate with fireworks. We were anchored out in the bay, and the crew got a front row seat on the bow (which is a crew only area).

IWAKUNI

This city is best known for the bridge seen here, and the castle behind it. I forget the name of the bridge. The castle is called Iwakuni Castle, which is easy to remember. Of course, the bridge could be called Iwakuni Bridge for all I know. The foot bridge is historical and a tourist attraction, so there���s a small toll involved for getting across. The funny thing about the price of admission is that you can pay for a one way ticket, or round trip��� you know, in case you decide that once you see what���s on the other side of the bridge, you might decide to stay. It could happen.

KAGOSHIMA

While this city has an active volcano that spouts grey smoke every 45 minutes, I still like this picture better. Below me is an American used car lot, complete with a fairly large Statue of Liberty poking out its roof.

KAMAISHI

One of the many ports we visited where we were only there long enough to pick up and drop off passengers during our charter cruise season. This one had a pretty dramatic sail in, with lush mountains and a large Buddha watching us, making sure we don���t take nothin���.

KAMAKURA

Here I am sitting with Daibutsu, one of the largest Buddhas in Japan. Kamakura is a quick twenty minute train ride from Yokohama, in case you���re ever in the neighborhood. You can see more pictures of my buddy Daibutsu, and Hasedera, by revisiting this quick video below!

KOBE

Children in Japan, even the big cities, aren���t used to seeing gaijin walking around. Many times, when they are out in groups, they���ll come to me and say ���hello!��� over and over. On this particular day, I was walking around a shopping mall when I was literally mobbed by these kids. They were pulling my pant leg and jumping in front of me, each trying to yell ���hello��� louder than everyone else. While the Japanese love to flash the peace sign in pictures (and it must start at a very early age), I find it amusing that they associate The Fonz with America. That���s pop culture for ya.

One more for Kobe��� Every year in December, Kobe puts on its Illumination Festival, in remembrance of an earthquake that rocked the city back in 1995. This light tunnel went on for four blocks, and the line to get in snaked around the city for, and I am not kidding here, at least twenty more.

KOCHI

I���ll admit that I did not take this picture, but I was here. I took a long jog away from the ship, and after running over a long white bridge to an island, and down a bunch of cement steps, I find this little shrine atop a small craggy rock cliff looking over a crescent beach.

KOMATSUJIMA

Was driven by my friend Akko to the next city over for a little Temple tour��� best shot of the day.

KOZUSHIMA

This was the first festival I witnessed (although I was not a part of). Again, it was agonizingly hot outside, and while these dudes were jumping and dancing with their float, other dudes were soaking them with water. Eventually, the whole group, shrine included, marched right into the ocean.

KUMANO

Another summer festival destination, this city is known around Japan for having the best fireworks display. So, the Asuka II, and the other three Japanese cruise ships, dropped anchor outside the city for the special event.

KYOTO

Considered by many to be the most scenic place in Japan, especially during the cherry blossom season. Well, I got here by way of Osaka on March 23rd, which is about two weeks early. What you see above is the only cherry blossom blossoming in the entire city of Kyoto on that day.

MAIZURU

In Maizuru I got my hands on a map, and hit the mother load of shrines, seeing at least half a dozen in one day, including a hike to one at the top of a mountain. Shown here is a typical Japanese cemetery, which from what I���ve seen, are usually built up a hillside.

MIYAKO

Usually you see these guard dogs in front of a shrine, and I thought I would give him a hand.

MURORAN

Another day, another shrine.

NAGASAKI

Hanging out in the Nagasaki Peace Park.

NAGOYA

Nagoya Castle. A couple of things tie together the castles in Japan, or at least the ones I���ve seen. One is that they all look the same. Two is that for some reason, America destroyed them with bombs.

NAHA

Naha is a city on the island of Okinawa, but while we docked close to the city, it was just like all the rest��� restaurants, department stores, shops���

and a coffee shop that���s stimulating.

NANAO

You can find anything in a Yakko Yen (Japanese dollar store).

NIIGATA

While I���ve never really mentioned it, Japan is pretty crazy about observation towers, and there are dozens of them scattered around the country. The Niigata tower, shown here, is unique in that the observatory slides up and down the tower itself.

OFUNATO

Hanging out with a baby Buddha atop a mountain.

OKAYAMA

Some days all you want to do is swing around an authentic Samurai Bushido blade that is hundreds of years old, and has actually killed some one. Wait, you don���t do that?

ONAHAMA

Onahama, the city as a whole, loves Hawaii, and the entire time we were there hula dancers were doing their thing.

OSAKA

Since Osaka was my gateway to Kyoto, I didn���t really do much there��� but I did visit the Universal Studios City Walk!

OTARU

Here I am with my good buddy, Marimokkori.

SAKAIDE

Well, we had an overnight, and well, we were in the middle of nowhere. Took this picture as I was walking back to the ship, dejected and defeated.

SAKAIMINATO

Didn���t think I had anymore of these, did you?

SEA DAYS

Hell yes sea days count! I have no idea how many I���ve seen working on Asuka, but coming off the heels of the Oceania cruise, it feels like damn near a hundred. Anyway, here���s Mt. Fuji getting in the way of a Japanese sunset.

SENDAI

Obviously I am excited either because we are in another port where we are unable to go ashore, or because the port is full of nothing but container cranes and piles of stuff. You know what? I think it was both.

SHIMIZU

On the top of a mountain sat one of the more colorful shrines I���ve seen.

SHINGU

Another in a long list of towns where following your nose can be a 50/50 event. One of the only notable things I ran across during my two visits here is a somewhat elaborate entrance to a tiny shrine built at the base of a large tree.

TANEGASHIMA

Laurel and Hardy have found a second life selling auto parts.

TOBA

Here I am with another temple. I am only showing you this picture so the city of Toba won���t feel bad, because in actuality, this is the picture I want to show you:

Now, I took this picture back in August, 2010. I thought it was just a funny looking bear with a hat, lantern, and abacus. It wasn���t until I saw a larger version of the thing in Kyoto that I realized a few things:

Supposedly, it���s a raccoon dog. Supposedly, it���s a mascot for Shigaraki Ware, a brand of Japanese pottery. It has really, really, really big balls.

TOKYO

Every time I look at this picture, I fall out of my chair laughing. There are so many things going on with that guy��� why the wig? Did he coordinate it with his tie? And the shirt sleeves? Plus, what is he looking at? Yep, when I think of Tokyo, I think of him���

oh, and the night my buddy Steve and I went out to a couple of clubs in Roppongi. After a night of drinking and dancing, the only thing left is to attempt daunting feats of dexterity on escalators. Ahhh��� treasured memories.

UNO

Eating Yaki Niku with my buddy Jun, who was the first one to teach me dirty Japanese.

YOKOSUKA

Ever see a vending machine with an AED built in? Only in Japan���

YOKOHAMA

Here I am with my buddy Maria, lifting a parade float (like the ones I saw in Otaru and Kozushima)

Never got tired of seeing Yokohama as we were sailing in, or in this case, sailing out, and this is one of the nicest shots I have of the city.

And there you have it! Since we visited some cities only to drop off or pick up passengers and leave, I don���t have pictures of every place we stopped, but the count has got to be over fifty. But each place, even the ones that may not have offered much more than a mountain of wood or a intricate slide made out of rollers, is unique and special for its own reasons.

And now, as I finish this blog, the Asuka II is probably somewhere between Africa and Europe. I can only say that much because outside my window are trees and grass, and they ain���t moving at any speed, miles or knots. Yeah, I���ve been off the ship since April 12th, enjoying catching up with friends and family. I���ve still got some things to talk about, and a few more pictures and video to share, but I���ve taken my last picture of Japan��� for now. More to come.

Keep on Livin��� The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Hanging out at the Yokohama International Passenger Terminal)

At the moment we are on sea day number two of six on our trip from Japan to Singapore. Outside my cabin, the theatre techs are clearing the stage from a famous Japanese singer’s show, and outside the theatre passengers are milling about, deciding whether to go ballroom dancing in Club 2100, listen to The Namana Band in Palm Court, make believe they are gambling in our casino, or rest up for another busy day at sea tomorrow. As for me, I’m just sitting here looking at pictures.

It’s been a long road travelled on the Asuka II, about ten and a half months worth to be exact, including four continents, eighteen countries, and over fifty Japanese cities. While I would normally take the time to explain what life is like during the final weeks on board, there honestly isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said. Since we last spoke I’ve travelled a bit around Japan, mostly to places I’ve already experienced like Yokohama and Kobe, and like I mentioned earlier, the last week is pretty much a blur of sea days at an average speed of eighteen knots.

So, I was thinking… how do I put a cap on all of this? As I was looking through my pictures, I thought it might be interesting to go back and pick my favorite shot from each Japanese port I’ve visited. Since I am writing this on the fly, this could end up being redundant, as some ports I literally have nothing to say, except for… well… it was in Japan. But, at the risk of putting you through the agony of looking at someone else’s vacation photos, I am going to blindly march on. Hopefully I’ll have something anecdotal, witty, or shamelessly oblivious to say. (If you're dying to read something with a little more substance, take a gander at my Cruise Ship Blog Directory) Let’s just jump in and see what happens:

ABURATSU

Strangely enough, I’m beginning at the end, as Aburatsu was one of the last places I visited before taking off for Singapore. Outside the ship there was some water, some land, and not much else, so I went for a jog. What you see here is a large version of a Japanese “wishing statue” for lack of better term, and I actually have one!

As you can see, this one doesn’t have his eyes colored in… that’s my job. When you get one of these things, you make a wish. When you do, you color in one of his eyes. When it comes true, you color in the other. As you can see, I never got around to it. Other things on my shelf include a “Stone Grandpa,” which can be found all over the island of Jeju, South Korea, a tiny Daibutsu, and a paper mache squid and rabbit.

ABASHIRI

This, like many of the ports in Japan, I only visited once. On this day I went for a jog and took three pictures. Seen in front of the ship is a big pile of dirt or coal. It wasn’t long after that I started to formulate my equation of the amount of fun a port can offer… that formula, once again, is:

(Size of the pier * piles of stuff on the pier) inversely equals amount of fun to be had in port

AKITA

During a late night, and after a Japanese meal, we found ourselves drinking tall boys of Kirin by the water. Since I was two thirds of the way there, I bummed a smoke to complete the holy trifecta of white trash.

AOMORI

This night we were part of the Aomori summer festival. Everyone wore pretty much the same yucata (a light kimono), and marched down the street yelling “Ra Se Ra” over and over while people beat drums and played flutes, while large, internally lit paper-mache floats nipped at our tails in the hot and sticky Japanese night.

AWAODORI

The other big summer festival we took part in, only this time the marching was done in defined areas, and adjudicated by a group of experts. This time, the chanting was “Yac-te-sa,” but it was still unbelievably hot. You can see more pictures of both these parades, and some nifty video in part five: Dancing In The Streets.

FUNAKAWA

It was hotter than hell this day, but as we sailed off, the locals still sent us off beating drums and dancing. Many ports did this, each in their own unique way.

HAKATA

This little girl was walking around with her parents outside a temple. I think this is some sort of child’s rite-of-passage, but I don’t know any of the details.

HAKODATE

The view from the top of Mt. Hakodate. Located in Northern Japan, this is also the place where I had LIVE SQUID… that video is just below:

Of course, you can learn about all sorts of Japanese delights at my food blog... Oishi! HAMADA

Another port, another pile of wood. The equation stands.

HIROSHIMA

During this night I explored the city with a brother of a coworker of mine, and among the places I saw was the Peace Dome, one of the few surviving structures of the infamous bombing.

ITO

We visited Ito during Japan’s summer festival season, and like many cities, they celebrate with fireworks. We were anchored out in the bay, and the crew got a front row seat on the bow (which is a crew only area).

IWAKUNI

This city is best known for the bridge seen here, and the castle behind it. I forget the name of the bridge. The castle is called Iwakuni Castle, which is easy to remember. Of course, the bridge could be called Iwakuni Bridge for all I know. The foot bridge is historical and a tourist attraction, so there’s a small toll involved for getting across. The funny thing about the price of admission is that you can pay for a one way ticket, or round trip… you know, in case you decide that once you see what’s on the other side of the bridge, you might decide to stay. It could happen.

KAGOSHIMA

While this city has an active volcano that spouts grey smoke every 45 minutes, I still like this picture better. Below me is an American used car lot, complete with a fairly large Statue of Liberty poking out its roof.

KAMAISHI

One of the many ports we visited where we were only there long enough to pick up and drop off passengers during our charter cruise season. This one had a pretty dramatic sail in, with lush mountains and a large Buddha watching us, making sure we don’t take nothin’.

KAMAKURA

Here I am sitting with Daibutsu, one of the largest Buddhas in Japan. Kamakura is a quick twenty minute train ride from Yokohama, in case you’re ever in the neighborhood. You can see more pictures of my buddy Daibutsu, and Hasedera, by revisiting this quick video below!

KOBE

Children in Japan, even the big cities, aren’t used to seeing gaijin walking around. Many times, when they are out in groups, they’ll come to me and say “hello!” over and over. On this particular day, I was walking around a shopping mall when I was literally mobbed by these kids. They were pulling my pant leg and jumping in front of me, each trying to yell “hello” louder than everyone else. While the Japanese love to flash the peace sign in pictures (and it must start at a very early age), I find it amusing that they associate The Fonz with America. That’s pop culture for ya.

One more for Kobe… Every year in December, Kobe puts on its Illumination Festival, in remembrance of an earthquake that rocked the city back in 1995. This light tunnel went on for four blocks, and the line to get in snaked around the city for, and I am not kidding here, at least twenty more.

KOCHI

I’ll admit that I did not take this picture, but I was here. I took a long jog away from the ship, and after running over a long white bridge to an island, and down a bunch of cement steps, I find this little shrine atop a small craggy rock cliff looking over a crescent beach.

KOMATSUJIMA

Was driven by my friend Akko to the next city over for a little Temple tour… best shot of the day.

KOZUSHIMA

This was the first festival I witnessed (although I was not a part of). Again, it was agonizingly hot outside, and while these dudes were jumping and dancing with their float, other dudes were soaking them with water. Eventually, the whole group, shrine included, marched right into the ocean.

KUMANO

Another summer festival destination, this city is known around Japan for having the best fireworks display. So, the Asuka II, and the other three Japanese cruise ships, dropped anchor outside the city for the special event.

KYOTO

Considered by many to be the most scenic place in Japan, especially during the cherry blossom season. Well, I got here by way of Osaka on March 23rd, which is about two weeks early. What you see above is the only cherry blossom blossoming in the entire city of Kyoto on that day.

MAIZURU

In Maizuru I got my hands on a map, and hit the mother load of shrines, seeing at least half a dozen in one day, including a hike to one at the top of a mountain. Shown here is a typical Japanese cemetery, which from what I’ve seen, are usually built up a hillside.

MIYAKO

Usually you see these guard dogs in front of a shrine, and I thought I would give him a hand.

MURORAN

Another day, another shrine.

NAGASAKI

Hanging out in the Nagasaki Peace Park.

NAGOYA

Nagoya Castle. A couple of things tie together the castles in Japan, or at least the ones I’ve seen. One is that they all look the same. Two is that for some reason, America destroyed them with bombs.

NAHA

Naha is a city on the island of Okinawa, but while we docked close to the city, it was just like all the rest… restaurants, department stores, shops…

and a coffee shop that’s stimulating.

NANAO

You can find anything in a Yakko Yen (Japanese dollar store).

NIIGATA

While I’ve never really mentioned it, Japan is pretty crazy about observation towers, and there are dozens of them scattered around the country. The Niigata tower, shown here, is unique in that the observatory slides up and down the tower itself.

OFUNATO

Hanging out with a baby Buddha atop a mountain.

OKAYAMA

Some days all you want to do is swing around an authentic Samurai Bushido blade that is hundreds of years old, and has actually killed some one. Wait, you don’t do that?

ONAHAMA

Onahama, the city as a whole, loves Hawaii, and the entire time we were there hula dancers were doing their thing.

OSAKA

Since Osaka was my gateway to Kyoto, I didn’t really do much there… but I did visit the Universal Studios City Walk!

OTARU

Here I am with my good buddy, Marimokkori.

SAKAIDE

Well, we had an overnight, and well, we were in the middle of nowhere. Took this picture as I was walking back to the ship, dejected and defeated.

SAKAIMINATO

Didn’t think I had anymore of these, did you?

SEA DAYS

Hell yes sea days count! I have no idea how many I’ve seen working on Asuka, but coming off the heels of the Oceania cruise, it feels like damn near a hundred. Anyway, here’s Mt. Fuji getting in the way of a Japanese sunset.

SENDAI

Obviously I am excited either because we are in another port where we are unable to go ashore, or because the port is full of nothing but container cranes and piles of stuff. You know what? I think it was both.

SHIMIZU

On the top of a mountain sat one of the more colorful shrines I’ve seen.

SHINGU

Another in a long list of towns where following your nose can be a 50/50 event. One of the only notable things I ran across during my two visits here is a somewhat elaborate entrance to a tiny shrine built at the base of a large tree.

TANEGASHIMA

Laurel and Hardy have found a second life selling auto parts.

TOBA

Here I am with another temple. I am only showing you this picture so the city of Toba won’t feel bad, because in actuality, this is the picture I want to show you:

Now, I took this picture back in August, 2010. I thought it was just a funny looking bear with a hat, lantern, and abacus. It wasn’t until I saw a larger version of the thing in Kyoto that I realized a few things:

Supposedly, it’s a raccoon dog. Supposedly, it’s a mascot for Shigaraki Ware, a brand of Japanese pottery. It has really, really, really big balls.

TOKYO

Every time I look at this picture, I fall out of my chair laughing. There are so many things going on with that guy… why the wig? Did he coordinate it with his tie? And the shirt sleeves? Plus, what is he looking at? Yep, when I think of Tokyo, I think of him…

oh, and the night my buddy Steve and I went out to a couple of clubs in Roppongi. After a night of drinking and dancing, the only thing left is to attempt daunting feats of dexterity on escalators. Ahhh… treasured memories.

UNO

Eating Yaki Niku with my buddy Jun, who was the first one to teach me dirty Japanese.

YOKOSUKA

Ever see a vending machine with an AED built in? Only in Japan…

YOKOHAMA

Here I am with my buddy Maria, lifting a parade float (like the ones I saw in Otaru and Kozushima)

Never got tired of seeing Yokohama as we were sailing in, or in this case, sailing out, and this is one of the nicest shots I have of the city.

And there you have it! Since we visited some cities only to drop off or pick up passengers and leave, I don’t have pictures of every place we stopped, but the count has got to be over fifty. But each place, even the ones that may not have offered much more than a mountain of wood or a intricate slide made out of rollers, is unique and special for its own reasons.

And now, as I finish this blog, the Asuka II is probably somewhere between Africa and Europe. I can only say that much because outside my window are trees and grass, and they ain’t moving at any speed, miles or knots. Yeah, I’ve been off the ship since April 12th, enjoying catching up with friends and family. I’ve still got some things to talk about, and a few more pictures and video to share, but I’ve taken my last picture of Japan… for now. More to come.

Keep on Livin’ The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Hanging out at the Yokohama International Passenger Terminal)

At the moment we are on sea day number two of six on our trip from Japan to Singapore. Outside my cabin, the theatre techs are clearing the stage from a famous Japanese singer's show, and outside the theatre passengers are milling about, deciding whether to go ballroom dancing in Club 2100, listen to The Namana Band in Palm Court, make believe they are gambling in our casino, or rest up for another busy day at sea tomorrow. As for me, I'm just sitting here looking at pictures.

It's been a long road travelled on the Asuka II, about ten and a half months worth to be exact, including four continents, eighteen countries, and over fifty Japanese cities. While I would normally take the time to explain what life is like during the final weeks on board, there honestly isn't much to say that hasn't already been said. Since we last spoke I've travelled a bit around Japan, mostly to places I've already experienced like Yokohama and Kobe, and like I mentioned earlier, the last week is pretty much a blur of sea days at an average speed of eighteen knots.

So, I was thinking… how do I put a cap on all of this? As I was looking through my pictures, I thought it might be interesting to go back and pick my favorite shot from each Japanese port I've visited. Since I am writing this on the fly, this could end up being redundant, as some ports I literally have nothing to say, except for… well… it was in Japan. But, at the risk of putting you through the agony of looking at someone else's vacation photos, I am going to blindly march on. Hopefully I'll have something anecdotal, witty, or shamelessly oblivious to say. (If you're dying to read something with a little more substance, take a gander at my Cruise Ship Blog Directory) Let's just jump in and see what happens:

ABURATSU

Strangely enough, I'm beginning at the end, as Aburatsu was one of the last places I visited before taking off for Singapore. Outside the ship there was some water, some land, and not much else, so I went for a jog. What you see here is a large version of a Japanese "wishing statue" for lack of better term, and I actually have one!

As you can see, this one doesn't have his eyes colored in… that's my job. When you get one of these things, you make a wish. When you do, you color in one of his eyes. When it comes true, you color in the other. As you can see, I never got around to it. Other things on my shelf include a "Stone Grandpa," which can be found all over the island of Jeju, South Korea, a tiny Daibutsu, and a paper mache squid and rabbit.

ABASHIRI

This, like many of the ports in Japan, I only visited once. On this day I went for a jog and took three pictures. Seen in front of the ship is a big pile of dirt or coal. It wasn't long after that I started to formulate my equation of the amount of fun a port can offer… that formula, once again, is:

(Size of the pier * piles of stuff on the pier) inversely equals amount of fun to be had in port

AKITA

During a late night, and after a Japanese meal, we found ourselves drinking tall boys of Kirin by the water. Since I was two thirds of the way there, I bummed a smoke to complete the holy trifecta of white trash.

AOMORI

This night we were part of the Aomori summer festival. Everyone wore pretty much the same yucata (a light kimono), and marched down the street yelling "Ra Se Ra" over and over while people beat drums and played flutes, while large, internally lit paper-mache floats nipped at our tails in the hot and sticky Japanese night.

AWAODORI

The other big summer festival we took part in, only this time the marching was done in defined areas, and adjudicated by a group of experts. This time, the chanting was "Yac-te-sa," but it was still unbelievably hot. You can see more pictures of both these parades, and some nifty video in part five: Dancing In The Streets.

FUNAKAWA

It was hotter than hell this day, but as we sailed off, the locals still sent us off beating drums and dancing. Many ports did this, each in their own unique way.

HAKATA

This little girl was walking around with her parents outside a temple. I think this is some sort of child's rite-of-passage, but I don't know any of the details.

HAKODATE

The view from the top of Mt. Hakodate. Located in Northern Japan, this is also the place where I had LIVE SQUID… that video is just below:

Of course, you can learn about all sorts of Japanese delights at my food blog... Oishi! HAMADA

Another port, another pile of wood. The equation stands.

HIROSHIMA

During this night I explored the city with a brother of a coworker of mine, and among the places I saw was the Peace Dome, one of the few surviving structures of the infamous bombing.

ITO

We visited Ito during Japan's summer festival season, and like many cities, they celebrate with fireworks. We were anchored out in the bay, and the crew got a front row seat on the bow (which is a crew only area).

IWAKUNI

This city is best known for the bridge seen here, and the castle behind it. I forget the name of the bridge. The castle is called Iwakuni Castle, which is easy to remember. Of course, the bridge could be called Iwakuni Bridge for all I know. The foot bridge is historical and a tourist attraction, so there's a small toll involved for getting across. The funny thing about the price of admission is that you can pay for a one way ticket, or round trip… you know, in case you decide that once you see what's on the other side of the bridge, you might decide to stay. It could happen.

KAGOSHIMA

While this city has an active volcano that spouts grey smoke every 45 minutes, I still like this picture better. Below me is an American used car lot, complete with a fairly large Statue of Liberty poking out its roof.

KAMAISHI

One of the many ports we visited where we were only there long enough to pick up and drop off passengers during our charter cruise season. This one had a pretty dramatic sail in, with lush mountains and a large Buddha watching us, making sure we don't take nothin'.

KAMAKURA

Here I am sitting with Daibutsu, one of the largest Buddhas in Japan. Kamakura is a quick twenty minute train ride from Yokohama, in case you're ever in the neighborhood. You can see more pictures of my buddy Daibutsu, and Hasedera, by revisiting this quick video below!

KOBE

Children in Japan, even the big cities, aren't used to seeing gaijin walking around. Many times, when they are out in groups, they'll come to me and say "hello!" over and over. On this particular day, I was walking around a shopping mall when I was literally mobbed by these kids. They were pulling my pant leg and jumping in front of me, each trying to yell "hello" louder than everyone else. While the Japanese love to flash the peace sign in pictures (and it must start at a very early age), I find it amusing that they associate The Fonz with America. That's pop culture for ya.

One more for Kobe… Every year in December, Kobe puts on its Illumination Festival, in remembrance of an earthquake that rocked the city back in 1995. This light tunnel went on for four blocks, and the line to get in snaked around the city for, and I am not kidding here, at least twenty more.

KOCHI

I'll admit that I did not take this picture, but I was here. I took a long jog away from the ship, and after running over a long white bridge to an island, and down a bunch of cement steps, I find this little shrine atop a small craggy rock cliff looking over a crescent beach.

KOMATSUJIMA

Was driven by my friend Akko to the next city over for a little Temple tour… best shot of the day.

KOZUSHIMA

This was the first festival I witnessed (although I was not a part of). Again, it was agonizingly hot outside, and while these dudes were jumping and dancing with their float, other dudes were soaking them with water. Eventually, the whole group, shrine included, marched right into the ocean.

KUMANO

Another summer festival destination, this city is known around Japan for having the best fireworks display. So, the Asuka II, and the other three Japanese cruise ships, dropped anchor outside the city for the special event.

KYOTO

Considered by many to be the most scenic place in Japan, especially during the cherry blossom season. Well, I got here by way of Osaka on March 23rd, which is about two weeks early. What you see above is the only cherry blossom blossoming in the entire city of Kyoto on that day.

MAIZURU

In Maizuru I got my hands on a map, and hit the mother load of shrines, seeing at least half a dozen in one day, including a hike to one at the top of a mountain. Shown here is a typical Japanese cemetery, which from what I've seen, are usually built up a hillside.

MIYAKO

Usually you see these guard dogs in front of a shrine, and I thought I would give him a hand.

MURORAN

Another day, another shrine.

NAGASAKI

Hanging out in the Nagasaki Peace Park.

NAGOYA

Nagoya Castle. A couple of things tie together the castles in Japan, or at least the ones I've seen. One is that they all look the same. Two is that for some reason, America destroyed them with bombs.

NAHA

Naha is a city on the island of Okinawa, but while we docked close to the city, it was just like all the rest… restaurants, department stores, shops…

and a coffee shop that's stimulating.

NANAO

You can find anything in a Yakko Yen (Japanese dollar store).

NIIGATA

While I've never really mentioned it, Japan is pretty crazy about observation towers, and there are dozens of them scattered around the country. The Niigata tower, shown here, is unique in that the observatory slides up and down the tower itself.

OFUNATO

Hanging out with a baby Buddha atop a mountain.

OKAYAMA

Some days all you want to do is swing around an authentic Samurai Bushido blade that is hundreds of years old, and has actually killed some one. Wait, you don't do that?

ONAHAMA

Onahama, the city as a whole, loves Hawaii, and the entire time we were there hula dancers were doing their thing.

OSAKA

Since Osaka was my gateway to Kyoto, I didn't really do much there… but I did visit the Universal Studios City Walk!

OTARU

Here I am with my good buddy, Marimokkori.

SAKAIDE

Well, we had an overnight, and well, we were in the middle of nowhere. Took this picture as I was walking back to the ship, dejected and defeated.

SAKAIMINATO

Didn't think I had anymore of these, did you?

SEA DAYS

Hell yes sea days count! I have no idea how many I've seen working on Asuka, but coming off the heels of the Oceania cruise, it feels like damn near a hundred. Anyway, here's Mt. Fuji getting in the way of a Japanese sunset.

SENDAI

Obviously I am excited either because we are in another port where we are unable to go ashore, or because the port is full of nothing but container cranes and piles of stuff. You know what? I think it was both.

SHIMIZU

On the top of a mountain sat one of the more colorful shrines I've seen.

SHINGU

Another in a long list of towns where following your nose can be a 50/50 event. One of the only notable things I ran across during my two visits here is a somewhat elaborate entrance to a tiny shrine built at the base of a large tree.

TANEGASHIMA

Laurel and Hardy have found a second life selling auto parts.

TOBA

Here I am with another temple. I am only showing you this picture so the city of Toba won't feel bad, because in actuality, this is the picture I want to show you:

Now, I took this picture back in August, 2010. I thought it was just a funny looking bear with a hat, lantern, and abacus. It wasn't until I saw a larger version of the thing in Kyoto that I realized a few things:

Supposedly, it's a raccoon dog. Supposedly, it's a mascot for Shigaraki Ware, a brand of Japanese pottery. It has really, really, really big balls.

TOKYO

Every time I look at this picture, I fall out of my chair laughing. There are so many things going on with that guy… why the wig? Did he coordinate it with his tie? And the shirt sleeves? Plus, what is he looking at? Yep, when I think of Tokyo, I think of him…

oh, and the night my buddy Steve and I went out to a couple of clubs in Roppongi. After a night of drinking and dancing, the only thing left is to attempt daunting feats of dexterity on escalators. Ahhh… treasured memories.

UNO

Eating Yaki Niku with my buddy Jun, who was the first one to teach me dirty Japanese.

YOKOSUKA

Ever see a vending machine with an AED built in? Only in Japan…

YOKOHAMA

Here I am with my buddy Maria, lifting a parade float (like the ones I saw in Otaru and Kozushima)

Never got tired of seeing Yokohama as we were sailing in, or in this case, sailing out, and this is one of the nicest shots I have of the city.

And there you have it! Since we visited some cities only to drop off or pick up passengers and leave, I don't have pictures of every place we stopped, but the count has got to be over fifty. But each place, even the ones that may not have offered much more than a mountain of wood or a intricate slide made out of rollers, is unique and special for its own reasons.

And now, as I finish this blog, the Asuka II is probably somewhere between Africa and Europe. I can only say that much because outside my window are trees and grass, and they ain't moving at any speed, miles or knots. Yeah, I've been off the ship since April 12th, enjoying catching up with friends and family. I've still got some things to talk about, and a few more pictures and video to share, but I've taken my last picture of Japan… for now. More to come.

Keep on Livin' The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Hanging out at the Yokohama International Passenger Terminal)

At the moment the Asuka II is pushing the water back at over eighteen knots as we take almost five hundred passengers home to Yokohama. As for me, I've just come back to my cabin after finishing a couple of cappuccinos and a mediocre book up in the Vista Lounge, and along the way two of my coworkers asked me if I'd been to the mess yet. Funny they should ask, because, while I hadn't, I was about to sit down and write a little about all the food I've had in Japan.
It's actually something I had no preconceived notion of before my arrival, since in my limited scope of the world's different cultures, I figured Japanese food was either sushi, or the stuff I'd had from Chinese places. Hey, I never claimed to know then… but I have fairly strong handle on it now. Let's start with what many associate with Japan… sushi:

So, first off, sushi in Japan is really Sashimi, which is just raw sliced fish. The picture above was taken in Asuka's alternative dining restaurant, which specializes in… what else… raw fish. You'll notice there are only a few rolls on the plate, which do not contain anything but rice and tuna, with no American style fillers like imitation crab, avocado, or cucumber. Then there's everything else… raw tuna and other fish lying on rice, some squid, egg (remember? The Japanese love eggs), caviar, shrimp… and the gray piece on the right? teriyaki style cooked fish (which was awesome).
Let's take another look at a plate of raw fish, this time served to a group of us eating out:

That's a lot of fish! Aside from the absence of things that have the word "roll" as the suffix, the notable thing here is that the wasabi is generally added to the fish before it is served (the yellow dollops are ginger), at least in the nicer places. I find this preferable, since I tend to accidentally overdo it with the green stuff, dilating my sinuses wide enough to pass a thirty dollar watermelon.

Yeah, a thirty damn dollar watermelon. While this is the only photographic evidence I have, they really do cost around 2,000 to 2,500 yen (and since the yen is 78 to a dollar right now, that works out to thirty bucks… yikes). Oh, and the watermelon is probably about half the size of the ones we buy at the store for a dollar… that's just cruel. But let's get back to the fish, shall we?

Yes, the Japanese like their fish cooked as well. These small guys are actually bar snacks (these were prepared fresh for us in a bar in Ofunato), and can be found almost anywhere. Here on Asuka II, we get 'em mixed with the peanuts:

These are much smaller, and crispier. The mix also includes little puffed rice balls that taste like… what else? Fish.
Oh, and just as I was about to post this blog, I eat this:

What is that, you ask? It's a big fish's big damn eye socket… and I am pretty sure that's its EYE sitting there too… the video of me eating this isn't that eventful, but from what I gathered, you eat the meat around the socket, which wasn't that bad, and not the eye itself… or at least they weren't challenging me to do so. Wanna see what the unfortunate fish looks like?

And I thought a whole pig with an apple in its mouth was strange… this one wins by a mile.
But, some of you may recall that while sampling seaweed in Canada, I thought it tasted fishy, to which the Canadian asshole replied, "actually, the seaweed tastes oceany." Well, maybe he's right. So if that's the case, then the Japanese like the taste of the ocean, and of course the ocean has just as much seaweed as it does fish.

Here is a packet of seaweed, most typically eaten with soups. It's nothing more than what you get wrapped around your rice and avocado in the states, although this time it's dried. This stuff is as cheap as crackers too, as a big damn jar containing at least a hundred of these packets is about 500 yen.
Before we depart from the subject of raw fish, let's touch on a typical Japanese sushi joint:

Here you're looking at the aftermath of a lunch for two. In the background you'll see a couple of conveyor belts, which in this case circle the prep area in the center of the restaurant. The top line contains the food, and the bottom has fresh cups for hot tea and water. While you sit at your booth, or at the bar, raw fish passes by you at a leisurely pace. It's basically a take all you want, and eat all you take experience. Also, hanging around the restaurant are signs that show the different colored plates and how much each is worth. So, the green plates may only be 280 yen, but may not have anything better than some rice and egg...

or… corn… while the more expensive red plates have the salmon, tuna, or more elaborate creations. When you're done, you get the waitress' attention (se ma say), and she'll tally up the damage. Oh, and speaking of corn…

During the winter, the vending machines in Japan dispense both cold and hot beverages. First of all, why we don't have this convenience in America, I have no clue; the same machine manages to spit out both hot and cold cans. But take a look at the selection here, from left to right: Suntory Boss coffee, Boss Black coffee, Boss Coffee with milk, hot chocolate… and… what the hell… corn? Yeah, corn soup. So I tried it, and it's a hot can of corn soup, with actual corn floating inside… and it was pretty good. Still, notice our friend Suntory doesn't put his pipe smoking face on a can of corn, no damn way. Anyone who knows Suntory knows he is a kick ass, take no prisoner, bad mo-fo boss of them all since 1992 who doesn't have the damn time for sissy drinks with corn. Come at him holding a can of soup will only get you bitched slapped by a set of hairy knuckles full of Boss Black… no shit.
Still, it's not just raw fish and drinkable corn around here, no sir… remember yaki niku?

This was my birthday meal, and since I am in Japan, yaki niku is the only way to go. Typically you'd be cooking up your thinly sliced cow in a sunken, gas fired grill in the center of your table, but since I was sat at a window front table in a seventh story yaki niku joint, they instead brought a bucket of coals and set it under a silent but powerful vent-a-hood. In case you've forgotten, this method of cooking meat was brought to Japan from (South?) Korea, and the meat is typically marinated and well marbled. Most of the stuff is meant to be cooked, including cow tongue (which is awesome), but some of the other stuff, like liver or raw meat with egg, is meant to be consumed raw…

Oh yeah… now that's actually Kobe beef (and Kobe egg, I imagine). It's covered in some kind of sauce, maybe teriyaki, which is mostly a mix of soy sauce, sake, sugar. And, although you'd never guess, raw meat and egg is cho oishi!
Still, not everything around here gets the thumb's up. One day I had come back from a jog in a port that didn't have much to offer. Jogging onto the pier, I stopped at some tents the locals had set up to entice the pax to take a piece of their city home in some edible or drinkable fashion. One of the girls approached me, giggling (which, I must say, never gets old), and hands me a green candy sized wrapper. Now, a couple of days previous the giggling girl handed me a hot cup of miso soup, which after an hour's jog goes down just as smooth and easy as an angry porcupine, so I was happy to have some sweet candy instead. So, I opened the sucker and popped it in. After a moment, I turned my back on the cute Japanese girl and gagged the candy out into my hand. Lesson learned: Look at the stuff you're putting in your mouth.

Here's the candy. What's that writing say, you ask? "WASABI SEAWEED." Son of a bitch… no offense, Japan, but that's some foul candy. Still, don't take my word for it.

The face says it all, no? But, that's not the only strange candy I've seen around here…

Yeah, cheese Kit Kat, and yeah, it's a chocolate Kit Kat with a cheese/chocolate coating. Funny idea, but it doesn't taste bad at all. Supposedly there are lots of other interesting Kit Kat flavors out there, although I've only seen this, green tea, and Coke & Lemonade flavors.
Now, to be fair, the Japanese don't walk around chewin' little chaw pouches of seaweed or cheese and chocolate. When it comes to sweets, they love beans.

Sweet beans, or "atsuki," to be exact. Normally, you'd see them like this, tucked inside a ball of flour and/or rice. I want to say that for me these are something of an acquired taste. I mean, sweet beans, no matter how sweet, are still beans. Every now and then I'll take a bite of one, and sometimes I won't be able to eat bites two and three. I guess for us "gaijin" it may never seem like a nice thing to eat after a full meal, but the Japanese would beg to differ. While I didn't have my camera handy at the time, one night in the ship's dining room I literally had a plate of beans for dessert. Up until then, I had never had them simply by themselves. And you know what? THEY TASTED LIKE BEANS!!! And not even as sweet as baked beans, which I'll admit I never really liked.
Finally, on the subject of beans:

I saw this display in front of a random restaurant, and at first I thought, "Now that looks good… pancakes with blueberries and ice cream!" Then I got closer… nope… them is beans… huh.
Oh, and Japan loves its food displays…

Many, if not most, of the restaurants around here have a display window showing you exactly what you can get inside. All the food is fake, and actually very believable… even the soups. Oh, the soup…

If you were to ask me what's the one thing I'd eat every day for a week in Japan, it would not be yaki niku. Nope, it'd be udon noodles. Doughy and thick, udon noodles are typically served in a hot soup in which you can add thinly sliced pork or an egg (of course!). Also, when you go to an udon joint, you also get to choose from a variety of tempura items. Tempura is basically Japanese fried food, and it tends to be lighter, less crispy, and less greasy than what you'd find in The States. You can get fried tangled balls of onions, squid, egg (of course!), or, my favorite… pumpkin.

No, really! Pumpkin! Slice it up and fry it… you'll wonder why we only use it in pies. It is really, really good! Of course, ramen noodles are also very popular out here, but for my yen, I'll take Udon any day. Now, since I am not a fan of sweet beans, what do I like to have for dessert?

Monaca! I've mentioned this one before, too, but it needs repeating. It's nothing more than soft serve ice cream totally incased in the stuff they make the cone from. You can get it plain, or with chocolate or jelly (shown here), among others. WHY IS THIS NOT IN AMERICA? This is the only drip proof ice cream I have ever experienced, and I've eaten it even in the middle of winter.
Oh, and then there's this:

What can I say? It's a hot dog bun full of spaghetti, with a small helping of corn. I think that pretty much sums that up… moving on…
In Japan, you'll see a few American establishments pretty much everywhere, such as McDonalds, Starbucks, and KFC. If you're in a hurry, though, you can head into a 7-11. Just like in America, they have quick snacks and drinks, but what you won't find is that rotating hot dog machine… and taking the picture above into consideration, you can understand why. I mean, try and keep the spaghetti from getting all tangled as it rotates around the heat lamp. Anyway, what you can grab, if you're in a hurry, is the following:

Maybe I'll stick with the spaghetti hotdog…
But now it's time for the Main Event! One thing the Japanese really, really, really love is SQUID! "Ika" can be found anywhere, and in many different forms. Words and pictures simply cannot encapsulate just how large of a squid selection the Japanese have, and since many of you may never get to experience the vast array of tasty squid for yourself, I've made an interactive video for you to enjoy. So, without further ado, it's time to play IS IT SQUID???

That's a lot of squid, friends…
And that'll just about do it. Sure, I am leaving out a ton of stuff, but it's just too hard to follow something like that…
Keep on Livin' The Dream,

Michael Lamendola
(making a chopstick pyramid after some spicy Korean food… and yeah, getting two chopsticks to lean on each other like that is hard.)
P.s.
For those of you that missed it, I ate a little something called "live squid," or "katsu ika" in Hakodate last year. The process of catching and eating your squid is certainly unique, and if you haven't seen the video, it's right here waiting for you…

At the moment the Asuka II is pulling into Osaka, but that���s not what���s important here. You knew it would happen eventually��� this blog is dedicated to all the things I���ve seen that have struck me as odd over the past ten months. From poor grammar to nonsensical instructions, even pictures��� the following things have made me pause for a moment.

Okay, hold on��� before anyone starts to piss and moan, let me clearly state that I am not picking on anyone here. As a matter of fact, the pictures you���re about to see aren���t from any one place. I���ve seen strange things in Japan, China, Australia, South Korea, Russia��� even America (well, American territories)... and to be fair, I really don���t have as many things to show you as I originally thought. You can visit websites like "EngrishFunny.com��� and see daily updates of strange and bizzare uses of the English language all over the world, but from my point of view there really isn���t that much to see that���s blatantly (and humorously) wrong. That���s because, I think, the younger generations in countries like Japan are more familiar with English than previous generations. Finally, don���t anyone get their panties in a twist over this��� I have shared these pictures with my friends (many of whom happen to be Japanese), and they find it funny as well.

Now then, that little disclaimer out of the way, there are some funny things to share. Let���s just jump right in���

Most of the time, this is what you see. It really isn���t wrong, if you think about it. All the napkin is trying to say is that vegetables and bread are meant to be together��� makes sense. I mean, if it didn���t, would we have croutons? And besides, if people enjoy stale bread crumbs in salad, wouldn���t they enjoy fresh bread more?

Yeah, I���m pretty sure this is supposed to say ���Shoes Clean.��� The ���R to L��� issue has nothing to do with a person���s intelligence; it���s simply because the Japanese don���t have the ���L��� sound in their alphabet. And they know this��� and they try really hard to make that ���L��� sound. Those of you who have listened to any dialect tape by Dr. David Alan Stern will remember that for any dialect he was teaching, he would tell you where in your mouth the dialect was ���placed.��� For Japanese, it would be in the back of the mouth; for English��� the front. Therefore, in my humble estimation, the Japanese aren���t used to striking the back of their teeth with their tongue, which is essential in making the ���lah��� sound. So, when my Japanese friends ask me the difference between ���glass��� and ���grass,��� I have them say ���la la la��� as if they were singing, then say ���glass.��� That seems to work, along with explaining the imagery of dialect placement. See? You���re learning something���

This one isn���t wrong��� I just like it. What is ���Uncle Meat��� selling? Vintage American clothes.

This one was taken in Saipan (so technically, I���m picking on the USA). I just love this shirt! ���Hunting Action Monster Hunter.��� That sounds so backwards, but so bad ass! Plus, I like the fact that the joker in the blue jersey thinks I���m taking his picture, since I didn���t want to rent a jet ski or deck chair. Yeah bra, hang loose.

Taken in Tokyo Disney, after which I exclaimed ���that���s what she said.��� And speaking of Disney���

Guess we���re not in California anymore��� or maybe I am��� finally, I saw this outside the Enchanted Castle:

Just be careful with how hard you swing that pick axe.

This was taken in Sydney, so my Aussie friends probably don���t even think this is funny. I think Manly is the name of an island, or dock? I don���t know, but I envision the ferry to be powered by two beefy and hairy arms that swat the water from behind the boat��� I mean, isn���t that what you think of?

This one I see almost everyday��� and you know, it does actually make me smile. This sign hangs on the inside of a crew door that leads to the Vista Lounge, a bar on deck 11 that is situated at the front of the ship. I am unable to explain the significance of the monkeys, and why they are coming at me from some sort of perspective, or why the person on top is eyeless and bald, or why the big monkey looks like he knows something I should��� but when I see this, I think that I indeed am the best smile of Asuka crew member!

Funny thing, Asuka II maybe the biggest offender when it comes to poor grammar. Take for example:

There are at least a dozen of these signs on doors that lead to exterior decks 7 and 11, and all but one have ���beware��� misspelled. It���s a strange mistake, and one that cannot be attributed to poor translation. In any case, I try to ���eware��� of strong winds anyway, because you never know���

Shoo wee! I sure love me some rice puddin���! I could eat me a whole mess a��� that stuff!

Finally, for Asuka II, this one probably takes the cake (or rice puddin���). This paper���s instructions pertain to a specific way to set the table for a theme night in the dining room. Other than that, I have no idea.

You can file this one under ���truth in advertising.��� This leads to other examples of signage that isn���t wrong, just up front. For example:

In America, we���d say something like ���please do not drink this water. It is reclaimed and could cause serious health issues.��� But the Japanese are way too efficient for all that��� this water isn���t good to drink. Simple and to the point. You drink it, it���s your ass.

I love this one! Advertising can���t get any more simple and to the point: Good smell. Good curry��� Bad smell. Bad curry. And, if you smell bad curry, it would probably have a sign over it simply stating ���This isn���t good to eat.��� But, if you do choose the bad curry, you may have to use the bathroom at a moment���s notice. In your haste, you may forget the proper usage of a toilet. Well, thankfully there���s this handy diagram:

Again, you may be shaking your head, but remember what the old school Japanese toilet looks like? This sign is for those who may be experiencing the new fangled method for the first time��� I know, I know��� but if you owned a restaurant and were constantly having to clean people���s used curry off the floor, you���d make a sign like this too.

Taken in Russia, it proves that spray paint needs a spell check.

Maybe I���m being a little selfish here, but I envision the owner of this business putting these words up so his employees will feel more at ease when he tells them to work weekends and holidays. You see Fred, in order for you to achieve true inner peace, you���ll need to work New Year���s Eve until 11PM, then come in January 1st at 7AM to open up. Oh, and can you work on Flag Day? I have this thing at my lake house���

Again, this bag speaks the truth. I have tried to start many conversations with ���certain domestic animals have gifts of language,��� and all I get are strange looks.

Taken in South Korea��� here���s what it says: The sky is low the clouds are mean. A Traveling Flake of Snow Across a Barn or through a Rut Debates if it will go A Narrow Wind complains all Day. How some one treated him. Nature, Lick Us is sometimes caught Without her Diader��� then it repeats most of that until the sign runs out of space. What is it advertising? No clue���

This advertisment, while found in Japan, was clearly taken someplace more��� Arian. Either way, if that girl runs with her mouth open, dogs within a hundred mile radius will all cock their heads. And on the subject of handbags...

This one, again, needs some explanation. The word "Bakada" is actually made up of two words... "Baka" is Japanese for stupid, and "Da" is usually the suffix of important Japanese family names. Put the two together, and you get, essentially "Stupid Family" University, which is most likely "the most stupid university in the world. See? Even the Japanese make fun of improper English.

Did I have a great time at Bar Coma? I forget���

I can���t say a thing about this��� it���s a paradox. An unholy marriage of puppets holding puppets.

Some things I���ve just stopped questioning, like Don Quijotes. What is it? Kind of like a claustrophobic Wal Mart. You can find anything in these multi-leveled stores, but the spaces between the shelves are about as wide as a piece of paper. Why do they call them Don Quijote? I have no idea��� none. But they do have a theme song that is played on loop in the store! Kind of makes the random literary reference a little endearing. And no, the theme song does not sound like ���Man of La Mancha.���

Again, there is really nothing wrong with this sign, but I love that the major difference between a man and a woman are her ENORMOUS HIPS! It looks like she took the saddle bags off a Harley and strapped them to her belt! Still, upon closer inspection, other differences include color, collar shape, and strangely enough, a man has rounded feet, while a woman���s feet are flat��� probably worn down from the weight of her motorcycle accessory hips. And speaking of androgynous signage���

If people so casually walked down the street with Donkey Kong sized cigarettes, I���d want it stopped too! But notice the man���s feet��� I smell a conspiracy.

I can only imagine that Mickey is tired because he spent all night go go dancing at Pooh���s Honey Pot. How else can you explain the leopard skin boy shorts?

That���s some plasticy silk���

This one is funny for a couple of reasons. The English here is actually fine, but they were obviously getting so many questions about just having a beer, that they had to write it out again in simple English: Just Beer NO! The other interesting thing about this is that the restaurant bills itself as a sort of Southern eatery, and its rustic exterior has old wood hitching posts, a confederate flag (Gasp!!!), long horns, etc��� But, I guess people commonly associate Mexico with America, so they had to qualify that as well. Again, there���s truth in advertising.

I know��� I know! But still, House of Pain! That���s hilarious!

And that���ll just about do it. I have some others, but they really aren���t that funny��� and besides, we���re in Osaka now, and I���m just itchin��� to get off the ship and enjoy an overnight!

Keep on Livin��� The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Enjoying some birthday cake!)

At the moment the Asuka II is pulling into Osaka, but that’s not what’s important here. You knew it would happen eventually… this blog is dedicated to all the things I’ve seen that have struck me as odd over the past ten months. From poor grammar to nonsensical instructions, even pictures… the following things have made me pause for a moment.

Okay, hold on… before anyone starts to piss and moan, let me clearly state that I am not picking on anyone here. As a matter of fact, the pictures you’re about to see aren’t from any one place. I’ve seen strange things in Japan, China, Australia, South Korea, Russia… even America (well, American territories)... and to be fair, I really don’t have as many things to show you as I originally thought. You can visit websites like "EngrishFunny.com” and see daily updates of strange and bizzare uses of the English language all over the world, but from my point of view there really isn’t that much to see that’s blatantly (and humorously) wrong. That’s because, I think, the younger generations in countries like Japan are more familiar with English than previous generations. Finally, don’t anyone get their panties in a twist over this… I have shared these pictures with my friends (many of whom happen to be Japanese), and they find it funny as well.

Now then, that little disclaimer out of the way, there are some funny things to share. Let’s just jump right in…

Most of the time, this is what you see. It really isn’t wrong, if you think about it. All the napkin is trying to say is that vegetables and bread are meant to be together… makes sense. I mean, if it didn’t, would we have croutons? And besides, if people enjoy stale bread crumbs in salad, wouldn’t they enjoy fresh bread more?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is supposed to say “Shoes Clean.” The “R to L” issue has nothing to do with a person’s intelligence; it’s simply because the Japanese don’t have the “L” sound in their alphabet. And they know this… and they try really hard to make that “L” sound. Those of you who have listened to any dialect tape by Dr. David Alan Stern will remember that for any dialect he was teaching, he would tell you where in your mouth the dialect was “placed.” For Japanese, it would be in the back of the mouth; for English… the front. Therefore, in my humble estimation, the Japanese aren’t used to striking the back of their teeth with their tongue, which is essential in making the “lah” sound. So, when my Japanese friends ask me the difference between “glass” and “grass,” I have them say “la la la” as if they were singing, then say “glass.” That seems to work, along with explaining the imagery of dialect placement. See? You’re learning something…

This one isn’t wrong… I just like it. What is “Uncle Meat” selling? Vintage American clothes.

This one was taken in Saipan (so technically, I’m picking on the USA). I just love this shirt! “Hunting Action Monster Hunter.” That sounds so backwards, but so bad ass! Plus, I like the fact that the joker in the blue jersey thinks I’m taking his picture, since I didn’t want to rent a jet ski or deck chair. Yeah bra, hang loose.

Taken in Tokyo Disney, after which I exclaimed “that’s what she said.” And speaking of Disney…

Guess we’re not in California anymore… or maybe I am… finally, I saw this outside the Enchanted Castle:

Just be careful with how hard you swing that pick axe.

This was taken in Sydney, so my Aussie friends probably don’t even think this is funny. I think Manly is the name of an island, or dock? I don’t know, but I envision the ferry to be powered by two beefy and hairy arms that swat the water from behind the boat… I mean, isn’t that what you think of?

This one I see almost everyday… and you know, it does actually make me smile. This sign hangs on the inside of a crew door that leads to the Vista Lounge, a bar on deck 11 that is situated at the front of the ship. I am unable to explain the significance of the monkeys, and why they are coming at me from some sort of perspective, or why the person on top is eyeless and bald, or why the big monkey looks like he knows something I should… but when I see this, I think that I indeed am the best smile of Asuka crew member!

Funny thing, Asuka II maybe the biggest offender when it comes to poor grammar. Take for example:

There are at least a dozen of these signs on doors that lead to exterior decks 7 and 11, and all but one have “beware” misspelled. It’s a strange mistake, and one that cannot be attributed to poor translation. In any case, I try to “eware” of strong winds anyway, because you never know…

Shoo wee! I sure love me some rice puddin’! I could eat me a whole mess a’ that stuff!

Finally, for Asuka II, this one probably takes the cake (or rice puddin’). This paper’s instructions pertain to a specific way to set the table for a theme night in the dining room. Other than that, I have no idea.

You can file this one under “truth in advertising.” This leads to other examples of signage that isn’t wrong, just up front. For example:

In America, we’d say something like “please do not drink this water. It is reclaimed and could cause serious health issues.” But the Japanese are way too efficient for all that… this water isn’t good to drink. Simple and to the point. You drink it, it’s your ass.

I love this one! Advertising can’t get any more simple and to the point: Good smell. Good curry… Bad smell. Bad curry. And, if you smell bad curry, it would probably have a sign over it simply stating “This isn’t good to eat.” But, if you do choose the bad curry, you may have to use the bathroom at a moment’s notice. In your haste, you may forget the proper usage of a toilet. Well, thankfully there’s this handy diagram:

Again, you may be shaking your head, but remember what the old school Japanese toilet looks like? This sign is for those who may be experiencing the new fangled method for the first time… I know, I know… but if you owned a restaurant and were constantly having to clean people’s used curry off the floor, you’d make a sign like this too.

Taken in Russia, it proves that spray paint needs a spell check.

Maybe I’m being a little selfish here, but I envision the owner of this business putting these words up so his employees will feel more at ease when he tells them to work weekends and holidays. You see Fred, in order for you to achieve true inner peace, you’ll need to work New Year’s Eve until 11PM, then come in January 1st at 7AM to open up. Oh, and can you work on Flag Day? I have this thing at my lake house…

Again, this bag speaks the truth. I have tried to start many conversations with “certain domestic animals have gifts of language,” and all I get are strange looks.

Taken in South Korea… here’s what it says: The sky is low the clouds are mean. A Traveling Flake of Snow Across a Barn or through a Rut Debates if it will go A Narrow Wind complains all Day. How some one treated him. Nature, Lick Us is sometimes caught Without her Diader… then it repeats most of that until the sign runs out of space. What is it advertising? No clue…

This advertisment, while found in Japan, was clearly taken someplace more… Arian. Either way, if that girl runs with her mouth open, dogs within a hundred mile radius will all cock their heads. And on the subject of handbags...

This one, again, needs some explanation. The word "Bakada" is actually made up of two words... "Baka" is Japanese for stupid, and "Da" is usually the suffix of important Japanese family names. Put the two together, and you get, essentially "Stupid Family" University, which is most likely "the most stupid university in the world. See? Even the Japanese make fun of improper English.

Did I have a great time at Bar Coma? I forget…

I can’t say a thing about this… it’s a paradox. An unholy marriage of puppets holding puppets.

Some things I’ve just stopped questioning, like Don Quijotes. What is it? Kind of like a claustrophobic Wal Mart. You can find anything in these multi-leveled stores, but the spaces between the shelves are about as wide as a piece of paper. Why do they call them Don Quijote? I have no idea… none. But they do have a theme song that is played on loop in the store! Kind of makes the random literary reference a little endearing. And no, the theme song does not sound like “Man of La Mancha.”

Again, there is really nothing wrong with this sign, but I love that the major difference between a man and a woman are her ENORMOUS HIPS! It looks like she took the saddle bags off a Harley and strapped them to her belt! Still, upon closer inspection, other differences include color, collar shape, and strangely enough, a man has rounded feet, while a woman’s feet are flat… probably worn down from the weight of her motorcycle accessory hips. And speaking of androgynous signage…

If people so casually walked down the street with Donkey Kong sized cigarettes, I’d want it stopped too! But notice the man’s feet… I smell a conspiracy.

I can only imagine that Mickey is tired because he spent all night go go dancing at Pooh’s Honey Pot. How else can you explain the leopard skin boy shorts?

That’s some plasticy silk…

This one is funny for a couple of reasons. The English here is actually fine, but they were obviously getting so many questions about just having a beer, that they had to write it out again in simple English: Just Beer NO! The other interesting thing about this is that the restaurant bills itself as a sort of Southern eatery, and its rustic exterior has old wood hitching posts, a confederate flag (Gasp!!!), long horns, etc… But, I guess people commonly associate Mexico with America, so they had to qualify that as well. Again, there’s truth in advertising.

I know… I know! But still, House of Pain! That’s hilarious!

And that’ll just about do it. I have some others, but they really aren’t that funny… and besides, we’re in Osaka now, and I’m just itchin’ to get off the ship and enjoy an overnight!

Keep on Livin’ The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Enjoying some birthday cake!)

At the moment the Asuka II is pulling into Osaka, but that's not what's important here. You knew it would happen eventually… this blog is dedicated to all the things I've seen that have struck me as odd over the past ten months. From poor grammar to nonsensical instructions, even pictures… the following things have made me pause for a moment.

Okay, hold on… before anyone starts to piss and moan, let me clearly state that I am not picking on anyone here. As a matter of fact, the pictures you're about to see aren't from any one place. I've seen strange things in Japan, China, Australia, South Korea, Russia… even America (well, American territories)... and to be fair, I really don't have as many things to show you as I originally thought. You can visit websites like "EngrishFunny.com" and see daily updates of strange and bizzare uses of the English language all over the world, but from my point of view there really isn't that much to see that's blatantly (and humorously) wrong. That's because, I think, the younger generations in countries like Japan are more familiar with English than previous generations. Finally, don't anyone get their panties in a twist over this… I have shared these pictures with my friends (many of whom happen to be Japanese), and they find it funny as well.

Now then, that little disclaimer out of the way, there are some funny things to share. Let's just jump right in…

Most of the time, this is what you see. It really isn't wrong, if you think about it. All the napkin is trying to say is that vegetables and bread are meant to be together… makes sense. I mean, if it didn't, would we have croutons? And besides, if people enjoy stale bread crumbs in salad, wouldn't they enjoy fresh bread more?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is supposed to say "Shoes Clean." The "R to L" issue has nothing to do with a person's intelligence; it's simply because the Japanese don't have the "L" sound in their alphabet. And they know this… and they try really hard to make that "L" sound. Those of you who have listened to any dialect tape by Dr. David Alan Stern will remember that for any dialect he was teaching, he would tell you where in your mouth the dialect was "placed." For Japanese, it would be in the back of the mouth; for English… the front. Therefore, in my humble estimation, the Japanese aren't used to striking the back of their teeth with their tongue, which is essential in making the "lah" sound. So, when my Japanese friends ask me the difference between "glass" and "grass," I have them say "la la la" as if they were singing, then say "glass." That seems to work, along with explaining the imagery of dialect placement. See? You're learning something…

This one isn't wrong… I just like it. What is "Uncle Meat" selling? Vintage American clothes.

This one was taken in Saipan (so technically, I'm picking on the USA). I just love this shirt! "Hunting Action Monster Hunter." That sounds so backwards, but so bad ass! Plus, I like the fact that the joker in the blue jersey thinks I'm taking his picture, since I didn't want to rent a jet ski or deck chair. Yeah bra, hang loose.

Taken in Tokyo Disney, after which I exclaimed "that's what she said." And speaking of Disney…

Guess we're not in California anymore… or maybe I am… finally, I saw this outside the Enchanted Castle:

Just be careful with how hard you swing that pick axe.

This was taken in Sydney, so my Aussie friends probably don't even think this is funny. I think Manly is the name of an island, or dock? I don't know, but I envision the ferry to be powered by two beefy and hairy arms that swat the water from behind the boat… I mean, isn't that what you think of?

This one I see almost everyday… and you know, it does actually make me smile. This sign hangs on the inside of a crew door that leads to the Vista Lounge, a bar on deck 11 that is situated at the front of the ship. I am unable to explain the significance of the monkeys, and why they are coming at me from some sort of perspective, or why the person on top is eyeless and bald, or why the big monkey looks like he knows something I should… but when I see this, I think that I indeed am the best smile of Asuka crew member!

Funny thing, Asuka II maybe the biggest offender when it comes to poor grammar. Take for example:

There are at least a dozen of these signs on doors that lead to exterior decks 7 and 11, and all but one have "beware" misspelled. It's a strange mistake, and one that cannot be attributed to poor translation. In any case, I try to "eware" of strong winds anyway, because you never know…

Shoo wee! I sure love me some rice puddin'! I could eat me a whole mess a' that stuff!

Finally, for Asuka II, this one probably takes the cake (or rice puddin'). This paper's instructions pertain to a specific way to set the table for a theme night in the dining room. Other than that, I have no idea.

You can file this one under "truth in advertising." This leads to other examples of signage that isn't wrong, just up front. For example:

In America, we'd say something like "please do not drink this water. It is reclaimed and could cause serious health issues." But the Japanese are way too efficient for all that… this water isn't good to drink. Simple and to the point. You drink it, it's your ass.

I love this one! Advertising can't get any more simple and to the point: Good smell. Good curry… Bad smell. Bad curry. And, if you smell bad curry, it would probably have a sign over it simply stating "This isn't good to eat." But, if you do choose the bad curry, you may have to use the bathroom at a moment's notice. In your haste, you may forget the proper usage of a toilet. Well, thankfully there's this handy diagram:

Again, you may be shaking your head, but remember what the old school Japanese toilet looks like? This sign is for those who may be experiencing the new fangled method for the first time… I know, I know… but if you owned a restaurant and were constantly having to clean people's used curry off the floor, you'd make a sign like this too.

Taken in Russia, it proves that spray paint needs a spell check.

Maybe I'm being a little selfish here, but I envision the owner of this business putting these words up so his employees will feel more at ease when he tells them to work weekends and holidays. You see Fred, in order for you to achieve true inner peace, you'll need to work New Year's Eve until 11PM, then come in January 1st at 7AM to open up. Oh, and can you work on Flag Day? I have this thing at my lake house…

Again, this bag speaks the truth. I have tried to start many conversations with "certain domestic animals have gifts of language," and all I get are strange looks.

Taken in South Korea… here's what it says: The sky is low the clouds are mean. A Traveling Flake of Snow Across a Barn or through a Rut Debates if it will go A Narrow Wind complains all Day. How some one treated him. Nature, Lick Us is sometimes caught Without her Diader… then it repeats most of that until the sign runs out of space. What is it advertising? No clue…

This advertisment, while found in Japan, was clearly taken someplace more… Arian. Either way, if that girl runs with her mouth open, dogs within a hundred mile radius will all cock their heads. And on the subject of handbags...

This one, again, needs some explanation. The word "Bakada" is actually made up of two words... "Baka" is Japanese for stupid, and "Da" is usually the suffix of important Japanese family names. Put the two together, and you get, essentially "Stupid Family" University, which is most likely "the most stupid university in the world. See? Even the Japanese make fun of improper English.

Did I have a great time at Bar Coma? I forget…

I can't say a thing about this… it's a paradox. An unholy marriage of puppets holding puppets.

Some things I've just stopped questioning, like Don Quijotes. What is it? Kind of like a claustrophobic Wal Mart. You can find anything in these multi-leveled stores, but the spaces between the shelves are about as wide as a piece of paper. Why do they call them Don Quijote? I have no idea… none. But they do have a theme song that is played on loop in the store! Kind of makes the random literary reference a little endearing. And no, the theme song does not sound like "Man of La Mancha."

Again, there is really nothing wrong with this sign, but I love that the major difference between a man and a woman are her ENORMOUS HIPS! It looks like she took the saddle bags off a Harley and strapped them to her belt! Still, upon closer inspection, other differences include color, collar shape, and strangely enough, a man has rounded feet, while a woman's feet are flat… probably worn down from the weight of her motorcycle accessory hips. And speaking of androgynous signage…

If people so casually walked down the street with Donkey Kong sized cigarettes, I'd want it stopped too! But notice the man's feet… I smell a conspiracy.

I can only imagine that Mickey is tired because he spent all night go go dancing at Pooh's Honey Pot. How else can you explain the leopard skin boy shorts?

That's some plasticy silk…

This one is funny for a couple of reasons. The English here is actually fine, but they were obviously getting so many questions about just having a beer, that they had to write it out again in simple English: Just Beer NO! The other interesting thing about this is that the restaurant bills itself as a sort of Southern eatery, and its rustic exterior has old wood hitching posts, a confederate flag (Gasp!!!), long horns, etc… But, I guess people commonly associate Mexico with America, so they had to qualify that as well. Again, there's truth in advertising.

I know… I know! But still, House of Pain! That's hilarious!

And that'll just about do it. I have some others, but they really aren't that funny… and besides, we're in Osaka now, and I'm just itchin' to get off the ship and enjoy an overnight!

Keep on Livin' The Dream,

Michael Lamendola

(Enjoying some birthday cake!)

***3/12/2011***
Yes, I am alive and safe. We had left Yokohama at 2PM, and were in open water when the earthquake hit. I was forward on deck 6, rehearsing in the theatre, when it happened. The whole ship shook like crazy, and none of us really knew what was going on. Had an engine popped? No, this isn't the Dream... Then we started getting the news... whoa. Fortunately, we were south enough of the epicenter to not be affected by the tsunami that followed. As I write this, we are a couple hours away from Kobe, where I expect it'll be business as usual... now on to the blog...

At the moment the Asuka II is surrounded by mostly water, as little mountainous islands pass by in the distance at eighteen knots. We���re almost two sea days into our six day journey to Guam, after which we���ll have another three sea days to endure before finally getting back to Japan. Yeah, sea days��� lots of ���em make up this cruise. How many? Well, let���s break down Asuka II���s Oceania Itinerary by ports of call:
YOKOHAMA ��� 1/31/2011 (Embarkation) KOBE ��� 2/1/2011 (Embarkation) SAIPAN ��� 2/5/2011 CAIRNS, AUSTRALIA ��� 2/11 & 2/12/2011 (Overnight) SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA ��� 2/15 & 2/16/2011 (Overnight) HOBART, TASMANIA ��� 2/18/2011 CHRIST CHURCH, NEW ZEALAND ��� 2/23/2011 (Cancelled) AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND ��� 2/24** & 2/25/2011 (Overnight) NOUMEA, NEW CALDONIA ��� 2/28/2011 GUAM ��� 3/7/2011 YOKOHAMA ��� 3/11/2011 (Disembarkation) KOBE ��� 3/12/2011 (Disembarkation) (**2/24 - we arrived at Auckland at 9 pm, one day early because of the Christ Church cancellation)

Not including the embarking and disembarking ports, the Oceania cruise lasts 37 days. Of those 37 days, my feet touched dry land a total of 10 unique days, leaving 27 days at sea. Or, to put it another way, one day shy of the equivalent of February is spent at sea. Wow��� of course, I am not complaining (much). In the grand scheme of things, I could be doing nothing while not earning a paycheck, but as it stands, I am somehow making a living watching the water chug by.

So, what do all those days at sea look like? Pretty much like what you would expect���
It can be quite majestic at times, to look out at an endless ocean, and understand that stretching beyond my field of vision are a thousand more miles of the same. Other times, however, it can feel a pinch monotonous. Anyway, during all these sea days I���ve done a ton of reading, taking advantage of my Ipod���s ability to read books through Amazon���s Kindle App (which you can also use to read my swanky new novel, DIRTY WORK). I���ve also been able to devote even more time to killing myself in the gym, as well as working my way through the complete series of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Still, there are other things to occupy my time amidst all these sea days, like getting beans thrown at me��� really. Called ���Setubun,��� the Japanese purge themselves of evil spirits by throwing dry beans at grown men wearing grass skirts and devil masks.



Literally��� grass skirts and devil masks. So, I make my way among the pax while they throw beans at me and giggle. Once I feel like I���ve absorbed enough punishment, my job is to collapse on the ground and die. And, although not instructed to do so, I felt it was my obligation to repeat the phrase ���Ooga Booga.��� I mean, it would be rude not too��� First person perspective just below:


But hell, who cares about beans?! Make with the kangaroos!



Here I am lounging with a kangaroo in Hobart, Tasmania (that little island off the south-east end of Australia). About half an hour���s bus ride from the dock brought me to what is essentially an Australian petting zoo, and roaming free within the fences are a bunch of kangaroos of all sizes. You can pet them, feed them (call them George if so inclined), and basically interrupt their otherwise peaceful day by constantly demanding their attention to shove dry dog food into their mouth and fondle their chest. Oh well, that���s the food chain for ya. Here���s another photo:



Really, most of these guys either tried to get away from the constant attention, or just resigned themselves to being overfed and groped. But, holy cow, I can touch me a kangaroo! Wait a second��� I can touch me a koala bear too?



American zoos would lead you to believe that touching a koala bear is not only illegal, but a single atom of human oil would devastate the eight koalas left in the Northern Hemisphere; the koala laws of Australia are a little more slack. So, yeah, I touched me a koala bear��� and it was awesome.
One animal I did not touch was the Tasmanian Devil.



Let me be frank: these things may look cute, but they sound like mean little bastards. Honestly, Mel Blanc was not that far off. Here are some fun facts about Tasmanian Devil.
The back teeth create a ton of pressure per square inch (that���s 5 times more than a pit bull) They can eat 40% of their body weight in one sitting (typically 4.5 pounds) They are scavengers, and can smell a tasty carcass from over a mile away Supposedly, there have been no reports of a human being attacked Still, if I was in the outback and I heard one of these suckers, I���d hide in a kangaroo���s pouch���


The name certainly fits the animal.
One week before Hobart, I was in another little town called Cairns. I believe Cairns made the news getting struck by a big damn typhoon just days before we got there, but everything seemed to be okay once we arrived. Once there, I took a trip into the rain forest and got to see a great big waterfall.



After taking in the grandeur of mother nature, it was back to reality���



Imagine the look in your loved one���s eyes when you come back from the land down under with a kangaroo paw flipping the bird or a bottle opener made from its balls. These gifts not only inspire love, but are made with a pinch of it as well.

But, back on board the globe-trotting Asuka II, there���s no time to use animal testicles to open a bottle of Sapporo��� no sir! We���ve got shows to do! Now, my long time readers will recall that I once did the math regarding a typical work week���s hours on board the Norwegian Dream. With two performances of three shows, including a rehearsal for each, as well as a brief welcome aboard show, I typically clocked in about 14 hours per week. Let���s see how that compares to the Asuka II���s Oceania Cruise:

Including the embark and disembark ports (There are two on each end), the cruise lasts 41 days. The Production cast has six shows under its belt, two of which are shorter than your typical 45 minute show (which the other four are). Since it had been awhile since we���d performed any of these shows, we also rehearsed them once before the actual performance��� let���s say each rehearsal clocked in at 90 minutes. Finally, we perform each show twice on the performance night. Okay, time to bust out your Texas Instruments TI80 Graphing Calculator:
6 rehearsals * 90 minutes = 540 minutes (4 shows @ 45 minutes) * 2 performances each = 360 minutes (1 show @ 30 minutes) * 2 performances = 60 minutes (1 show @ 17 minutes) * 2 performances = 34 minutes GRAND TOTAL = 994 MINUTES, OR 16.5 HOURS��� IN 41 DAYS Keep in mind I am not counting participating in organized passenger activities such as Setubun, talent shows, or the equator crossing, as these events required very little preparation on my part. And while I do count singing in sequins as work, getting pie thrown in my face is strictly pro bono. Yeah, pie���



You see, we had another deck party, this time celebrating Asuka II���s passage from the Northern to the Southern Hemisphere (where, as we learned, animal groping laws are far more lenient). In order to celebrate, we put war paint on our faces and grass skirts on our bodies. While mingling with the pax, I noticed a bunch of cream pies lining the pool. I didn���t think anything of it until I came face to face with one, then another��� now that I am able to compare, I much prefer beans. So, there I stood, covered in meringue, getting picture after picture taken with the grinning passengers (because, let���s face it, they get to say that they threw pie on their vacation). Oh, and the sun burn has nothing to do with the pies. Funny thing, it didn���t dawn on me that lying out for a quick 30 minutes, while crossing the equator, would leave behind nothing but scorched earth. MFA in Musical Theatre, friends���

But, before the deck party, we had a little private concert of our own:


And speaking of concerts, the Asuka II also made land in Sydney, Australia. While we were there, the production cast had the esteemed honor of performing alongside a full symphony orchestra at the historical Sydney Town Hall. The passengers were dressed to the kyuus, and much of the staff was also in attendance for this special event. So, inside a hundred and twenty year old concert hall, while a backdrop of stars glistened in the night sky, I utilized every ounce of training and stage experience for this, my Australian debut:


To this day I get a little misty��� sometimes I don���t know how I do it.

But land is so stagnant and un-liquid-like��� make with more sea days!!!



Here we are passing through the Fjords of New Zealand. It was raining pretty much the whole time we were there, but it was a pleasant break from the endless sea we were used to. As we passed through, the captain would come on the intercom and tell us all about the scenery. I would tell you everything I heard, but since it was all in Japanese, all I can say is ���banana banana banana,��� which is exactly how you say it in Japanese. Apple, on the other hand, is ���Ringo.��� Yeah, like the Beatle.

And speaking of New Zealand, one day before we were to arrive in a little place called Christ Church the city was rocked by an earthquake (six point something). I believe it was late last year when the city had another earthquake topping seven on the Richter Scale. Had we been there a day early, I can guarantee you many passengers, and probably myself, would have been inside the church or a museum when it hit��� yikes. Anyway, deciding it would be best to skip the port, we set a course for Auckland, arriving half a day early.



Having an extra night on our hands, we did the usual ���hanging out and not returning to the ship until we absolutely had to��� routine. The next day, however, I hiked up a volcano.



Not much to say about it��� Called Rangitoto island, geologists believe it erupted 600 years ago, and they are pretty sure it���s now dormant. As for me, I took a ferry to get there, hiked to the top, looked at the view, then hiked down.

The rest of the day was spent exploring the city. I took in the view from the top of the sky needle, visited a casino��� oh, I did see one thing worth mentioning.



At first blush, you may not see anything wrong with this picture, but look a little closer. See that boy with one Friendship Gem? Now look at the floozie to his left��� I see at least SEVEN Friendship Gems. Hey kid, she ain���t worth it��� obviously she���s got ���friends��� all over town��� that hussie.

Oh, and then there were more sea days��� but guess what? I met me a real live sumo wrestler!



Sumo wrestlers in Japan aren���t like your athletes in The States. While people like Kobe Bryant are pretty much known for their athletic skills (okay, that was a terrible example), sumo wrestlers are usually trained in singing, poetry, dance��� not only are they athletes, but also artists. Many of them go on to have a second career once they hang up their Sumo pants, like my friend Daishi here. He was onboard as a singing guest entertainer, and was a really cool guy to hang out with too. But just how much does a sumo wrestler weigh? Welp, his retired weight is 321 pounds��� his fighting weight, on the other hand, was 383 pounds��� It���s a relief to know a guy that big likes you. So, what do you do when you���re hanging out with sumo wrestlers?



Sing Karaoke! What I���m holding in my hand is the Karaoke songbook��� looks more like a phone book, don���t it? At first I couldn���t believe there are actually that many songs to sing. Then I realize the songs are listed in Japanese, Chinese, English, and Tagalong. Still, on more than one occasion I found myself looking for a plumber, vinyl siding repairman, and a good DUI attorney.

Finally, after some more sea days, I visited Numea, a city on the island of New Caledonia. Again, not much to say��� since I went to the beach and chilled out.



The only thing worth mentioning here is that if you listen real close, you���ll hear French. New Caledonia was a French settlement back in the day, and it���ll catch you off guard when you���re lying on the beach and you hear someone who sounds exactly like Maurice Chevalier jingle a pocket full of Francs as they pass by.
It���s late in the evening now as I finish up this blog. Tonight we have a mooring deck party to celebrate Asuka���s 5th birthday (or 20th, if you count the fact that she was originally christened as the Crystal Symphony back in 1991). We still have four more days to go before hitting Guam, then three more to get back to the land of seaweed and sake. Speaking of food, I���ll soon have a blog dedicated to nothing but, so stay tuned.

Keep on Livin��� The Dream,



Michael Lamendola
(Taking in the Sydney Opera House)

Oh, and PS: ���The Groping Marsupials��� is my new band.