Steven Kerry's Blog
July 12, 2023
What the Hell is a "Gay Lifestyle"??
I am sick and tired of the ridiculous term " the gay lifestyle" !
Lots of people use this term in 2023, but what are they really referring to? Well.. let's take a closer look at it.
The most commonly held narrative about gay men hasn't changed much over the decades despite remarkable victories and progress that our community has made. I am specifically focused here on the G part of the CAP train. Remember them? Those guys (along with a number of lesbians and trans people) who jump-started the gay liberation movement in the '60s and '70s and, by doing so, have made our lives as gay people MUCH easier than their own, but were then interrupted by a deadly epidemic called AIDS. So here is the most widely held narrative about gay men, especially among those who have never had a gay friend or are coming from a religious (and thus shame-based) perspective:
"All gay men do all the time is party and have sex." yes.... that's it, lol!
So what we are in the mainstream public consciousness is essentially the extras in bacchanal and orgy scenes in a Cecil B DeMille Bible epic. Hmmm... that might be fun, but...
SERIOUSLY, people?
I'm afraid Hollywood, for all its supposed "woke" ideology, doesn't help dispel that much. I had high hopes for a recent movie called "Bros" but it trotted out the same old moldy tropes. Within minutes of its start time it took us into a disco (or whatever they call it these days) full of gay men, many shirtless, dancing and showing off their gym bods. I thought at first I had accidentally wandered into a Retro Night screening of "Cant Stop the Music".
Szzzz.... that was followed by characters that don't talk like regular people do, but telegraph "I AM A GAY MAN" with every line uttered while embellishing it all with the requisite amount of swish and flaming wittiness. Even the more effeminate of my friends do not talk like this nor act like this. But "acting" is what one expects in a movie, right? And that's just the problem. Hollywood doesn't portray us as we actually are, I guess that would be too boring. It just wants to make us palatable to the masses of people who are either okay-ish with gay men or are frankly homophobic. It thus traffics in stereotypes. Hollywood, for all its good intentions, wants box office receipts.
So what is this thing called the "gay lifestyle"?
It is a dated term that originated in the '60s or '70s within the pages of cheesy magazines meant to make middle class housewives feel sophisticated about homosexuality while they demurely sipped cocktails and puffed on their cigs, a coy and deceitful term that allowed people of supposed "propriety" to engage in "cocktail chat" about homosexuals while avoiding any direct reference to sex. PLEASE.
When you hear the term "the gay lifestyle" what they are really referring to is not partying or discos or flamboyant behavior: they are referring to sex. For they actually believe all we do is have sex! LOL. So here are some examples of the "gay lifestyle" being lived by actual gay men I know in 2023:
Milton is pulling weeds in his garden thus morning. When he's done he will go to the gym, pick up a few things at a hardware store, then work at home for 6 hours before taking care of his ailing mother after her part-time caregiver leaves.
John is too busy and too exhausted working two jobs just to pay his rent. He is lucky to have one or two hook-up a month and feels he can't afford nights out at the bars anymore.
Abe is a young gay man but hasn't had sex in weeks as he is studying to become a nurse. He is vegan and a jogger, gave up both drugs and alcohol during the pandemic, attends AA meetings, and volunteers twice a week at a nursing home where he plays piano and harmonica for the residents. He has a FWB relationship with Stan, who walks dogs for a living and has 3 of his own. Neither man has been to a gay bar since 2017. And my point?
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GAY LIFESTYLE. It's a myth. There are only individuals with quite different and individualistic lives. (That's not to say there aren't guys who do their best to fulfill the stereotype, but the vast majority of gay men live lives not that different from anyone else.)
This is a term meant to make gay men seem as if we are markedly different from "normal" men, and a term intended to reduce us to sexual stick figures. It is the shame-mongers and polite homophobes' way of referring to that Ultimate Evil in the world: sex.
And the ultimate irony? They accuse me as a gay man of obsessing about sex when sex is all they can think about when seeing or talking about a gay man. It's all they see in Pride parades as well. They see exactly what they were taught to see, exactly what will make them sound like the self-righteous and spiritually superior people they want others to see them as.
The "gay lifestyle" is a term that truly needs to be cancelled and exposed for what it is. IT IS A VERBAL CAMOUFLAGE of convenience for people who want to appear morally pristine while shaming gay men.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to attend an orgy at 2 followed by happy hour at the bars and a "quickie" with a hook-up at 8 before I go to Beyonce Night at a disco at 10. OMG, my "gay lifestyle" is SO FABULOUS!!
~~~~
If you enjoyed this blog post please check out my book, "Why Gay is Not Gay But is Still Great" by Steven Kerry, available now on Amazon and at Skylight Books in Los Angeles, CA. If you prefer fiction, check out my gay-friendly literary fiction titles. - Steven Kerry
Lots of people use this term in 2023, but what are they really referring to? Well.. let's take a closer look at it.
The most commonly held narrative about gay men hasn't changed much over the decades despite remarkable victories and progress that our community has made. I am specifically focused here on the G part of the CAP train. Remember them? Those guys (along with a number of lesbians and trans people) who jump-started the gay liberation movement in the '60s and '70s and, by doing so, have made our lives as gay people MUCH easier than their own, but were then interrupted by a deadly epidemic called AIDS. So here is the most widely held narrative about gay men, especially among those who have never had a gay friend or are coming from a religious (and thus shame-based) perspective:
"All gay men do all the time is party and have sex." yes.... that's it, lol!
So what we are in the mainstream public consciousness is essentially the extras in bacchanal and orgy scenes in a Cecil B DeMille Bible epic. Hmmm... that might be fun, but...
SERIOUSLY, people?
I'm afraid Hollywood, for all its supposed "woke" ideology, doesn't help dispel that much. I had high hopes for a recent movie called "Bros" but it trotted out the same old moldy tropes. Within minutes of its start time it took us into a disco (or whatever they call it these days) full of gay men, many shirtless, dancing and showing off their gym bods. I thought at first I had accidentally wandered into a Retro Night screening of "Cant Stop the Music".
Szzzz.... that was followed by characters that don't talk like regular people do, but telegraph "I AM A GAY MAN" with every line uttered while embellishing it all with the requisite amount of swish and flaming wittiness. Even the more effeminate of my friends do not talk like this nor act like this. But "acting" is what one expects in a movie, right? And that's just the problem. Hollywood doesn't portray us as we actually are, I guess that would be too boring. It just wants to make us palatable to the masses of people who are either okay-ish with gay men or are frankly homophobic. It thus traffics in stereotypes. Hollywood, for all its good intentions, wants box office receipts.
So what is this thing called the "gay lifestyle"?
It is a dated term that originated in the '60s or '70s within the pages of cheesy magazines meant to make middle class housewives feel sophisticated about homosexuality while they demurely sipped cocktails and puffed on their cigs, a coy and deceitful term that allowed people of supposed "propriety" to engage in "cocktail chat" about homosexuals while avoiding any direct reference to sex. PLEASE.
When you hear the term "the gay lifestyle" what they are really referring to is not partying or discos or flamboyant behavior: they are referring to sex. For they actually believe all we do is have sex! LOL. So here are some examples of the "gay lifestyle" being lived by actual gay men I know in 2023:
Milton is pulling weeds in his garden thus morning. When he's done he will go to the gym, pick up a few things at a hardware store, then work at home for 6 hours before taking care of his ailing mother after her part-time caregiver leaves.
John is too busy and too exhausted working two jobs just to pay his rent. He is lucky to have one or two hook-up a month and feels he can't afford nights out at the bars anymore.
Abe is a young gay man but hasn't had sex in weeks as he is studying to become a nurse. He is vegan and a jogger, gave up both drugs and alcohol during the pandemic, attends AA meetings, and volunteers twice a week at a nursing home where he plays piano and harmonica for the residents. He has a FWB relationship with Stan, who walks dogs for a living and has 3 of his own. Neither man has been to a gay bar since 2017. And my point?
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GAY LIFESTYLE. It's a myth. There are only individuals with quite different and individualistic lives. (That's not to say there aren't guys who do their best to fulfill the stereotype, but the vast majority of gay men live lives not that different from anyone else.)
This is a term meant to make gay men seem as if we are markedly different from "normal" men, and a term intended to reduce us to sexual stick figures. It is the shame-mongers and polite homophobes' way of referring to that Ultimate Evil in the world: sex.
And the ultimate irony? They accuse me as a gay man of obsessing about sex when sex is all they can think about when seeing or talking about a gay man. It's all they see in Pride parades as well. They see exactly what they were taught to see, exactly what will make them sound like the self-righteous and spiritually superior people they want others to see them as.
The "gay lifestyle" is a term that truly needs to be cancelled and exposed for what it is. IT IS A VERBAL CAMOUFLAGE of convenience for people who want to appear morally pristine while shaming gay men.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to attend an orgy at 2 followed by happy hour at the bars and a "quickie" with a hook-up at 8 before I go to Beyonce Night at a disco at 10. OMG, my "gay lifestyle" is SO FABULOUS!!
~~~~
If you enjoyed this blog post please check out my book, "Why Gay is Not Gay But is Still Great" by Steven Kerry, available now on Amazon and at Skylight Books in Los Angeles, CA. If you prefer fiction, check out my gay-friendly literary fiction titles. - Steven Kerry
March 24, 2023
My First Non-Fiction Book:
My first non-fiction effort recently went live on Amazon. The title is "Why Gay Isn't Gay But Is Still Great".
I loved writing it and the response to the book's ads has been great thus far. This book was written about gay men. I have no pretensions of speaking for any other CAPS and, as I make clear in the book's introduction, I also do not presume to speak for any other gay man than myself. This is a book of my own observations and opinions formed over a lifetime of being a gay man. The intent and purpose of the book is to start a conversation as to the good, bad, and ugly of gay male life, and to sound a warning as to who our enemies really are and how we might best respond to them in there challenging times in which we are once again under fire.
There is a certain danger in clinging to a victim narrative when one is gay. The danger is that self-responsibility diminishes and whatever group feels it is being victimized focuses on external detractors rather than internal issues and problems.
Time to take an honest and sometimes painful look at what's really going on inside the world of gay men. There is no such thing as a "gay life-style" but there are aspects of gay male life that give others the impression there is such a thing. This book takes a closer look inside the Rainbow House. If you are curious by all means check it out.
I loved writing it and the response to the book's ads has been great thus far. This book was written about gay men. I have no pretensions of speaking for any other CAPS and, as I make clear in the book's introduction, I also do not presume to speak for any other gay man than myself. This is a book of my own observations and opinions formed over a lifetime of being a gay man. The intent and purpose of the book is to start a conversation as to the good, bad, and ugly of gay male life, and to sound a warning as to who our enemies really are and how we might best respond to them in there challenging times in which we are once again under fire.
There is a certain danger in clinging to a victim narrative when one is gay. The danger is that self-responsibility diminishes and whatever group feels it is being victimized focuses on external detractors rather than internal issues and problems.
Time to take an honest and sometimes painful look at what's really going on inside the world of gay men. There is no such thing as a "gay life-style" but there are aspects of gay male life that give others the impression there is such a thing. This book takes a closer look inside the Rainbow House. If you are curious by all means check it out.
January 10, 2023
Why Gay Isn't Gay But is Still Great
The title of this blog post is the title of my just-released first non-fiction book. It went LIVE on Amazon on Dec. 28,2022.
I tried writing this book in 2015 but it refused to flow so I turned my attention to a novel called "Love is a Real Mother". During the pandemic lockdown I decided to try again, and this time it flowed much more easily.
This is a book directed at the gay male community, but it offers observations and commentary that may also be valuable to other groups within the GLBTQ+ extended community.
Few would disagree that our community is once again under fire by conservative and evangelical forces that wish to take us back to the closeted era of gay male life while rescinding victories we have already attained such a gay marriage and other legal protections. This threat remains real despite our current Democratic leadership.
The book takes a look inside our Rainbow House and suggests that the best place to start strengthening our community is from within in order to better deal with the current backlash and hate directed at us from the outside. What issues are dragging us down, ruining our health, and making for less than happy and healthy gay men?
This is a book that offers hope and optimism in the form of a simple, but unobvious bit of good news: that which contributes to "why gay isn't gay" has nothing to do with actually being gay or with gay sex.
Also addressed are the reasons why, despite the rise of far right extremists and homophobia, being a gay man is truly GREAT. Rather than merely being an exercise in mud-flinging and criticism this is a book that was written to encourage discussion and discourse within the GLBTQ+ community.
So let's open the windows and doors of the Rainbow House. It's inspection time.
I tried writing this book in 2015 but it refused to flow so I turned my attention to a novel called "Love is a Real Mother". During the pandemic lockdown I decided to try again, and this time it flowed much more easily.
This is a book directed at the gay male community, but it offers observations and commentary that may also be valuable to other groups within the GLBTQ+ extended community.
Few would disagree that our community is once again under fire by conservative and evangelical forces that wish to take us back to the closeted era of gay male life while rescinding victories we have already attained such a gay marriage and other legal protections. This threat remains real despite our current Democratic leadership.
The book takes a look inside our Rainbow House and suggests that the best place to start strengthening our community is from within in order to better deal with the current backlash and hate directed at us from the outside. What issues are dragging us down, ruining our health, and making for less than happy and healthy gay men?
This is a book that offers hope and optimism in the form of a simple, but unobvious bit of good news: that which contributes to "why gay isn't gay" has nothing to do with actually being gay or with gay sex.
Also addressed are the reasons why, despite the rise of far right extremists and homophobia, being a gay man is truly GREAT. Rather than merely being an exercise in mud-flinging and criticism this is a book that was written to encourage discussion and discourse within the GLBTQ+ community.
So let's open the windows and doors of the Rainbow House. It's inspection time.
Why Gay Isn't Gay But is Still Great
The title of this blog post is the title of my just-released first non-fiction book. It went LIVE on Amazon on Dec. 28,2022.
I tried writing this book in 2015 but it refused to flow so I turned my attention to a novel called "Love is a Real Mother". During the pandemic lockdown I decided to try again, and this time it flowed much more easily.
This is a book directed at the gay male community, but it offers observations and commentary that may also be valuable to other groups within the GLBTQ+ extended community.
Few would disagree that our community is once again under fire by conservative and evangelical forces that wish to take us back to the closeted era of gay male life while rescinding victories we have already attained such a gay marriage and other legal protections. This threat remains real despite our current Democratic leadership.
The book takes a look inside our Rainbow House and suggests that the best place to start strengthening our community is from within in order to better deal with the current backlash and hate directed at us from the outside. What issues are dragging us down, ruining our health, and making for less than happy and healthy gay men?
This is a book that offers hope and optimism in the form of a simple, but unobvious bit of good news: that which contributes to "why gay isn't gay" has nothing to do with actually being gay or with gay sex.
Also addressed are the reasons why, despite the rise of far right extremists and homophobia, being a gay man is truly GREAT. Rather than merely being an exercise in mud-flinging and criticism this is a book that was written to encourage discussion and discourse within the GLBTQ+ community.
So let's open the windows and doors of the Rainbow House. It's inspection time.
I tried writing this book in 2015 but it refused to flow so I turned my attention to a novel called "Love is a Real Mother". During the pandemic lockdown I decided to try again, and this time it flowed much more easily.
This is a book directed at the gay male community, but it offers observations and commentary that may also be valuable to other groups within the GLBTQ+ extended community.
Few would disagree that our community is once again under fire by conservative and evangelical forces that wish to take us back to the closeted era of gay male life while rescinding victories we have already attained such a gay marriage and other legal protections. This threat remains real despite our current Democratic leadership.
The book takes a look inside our Rainbow House and suggests that the best place to start strengthening our community is from within in order to better deal with the current backlash and hate directed at us from the outside. What issues are dragging us down, ruining our health, and making for less than happy and healthy gay men?
This is a book that offers hope and optimism in the form of a simple, but unobvious bit of good news: that which contributes to "why gay isn't gay" has nothing to do with actually being gay or with gay sex.
Also addressed are the reasons why, despite the rise of far right extremists and homophobia, being a gay man is truly GREAT. Rather than merely being an exercise in mud-flinging and criticism this is a book that was written to encourage discussion and discourse within the GLBTQ+ community.
So let's open the windows and doors of the Rainbow House. It's inspection time.
December 14, 2020
Hypocrites: the Group That Keeps on Giving
As some of you know I write books that include gay characters and often gay protagonists. My books also include a fairly diverse cast of characters, racially and culturally. If someone is not included it is not because I don't like them or respect them, it is because I feel I don't know enough about their particular sexual or cultural identity to write with reasonable sensitivity about them. I also include gay men over 40 in my books, "daddies" and mature men, etc,. and the central character in my book "If Those Trees Could Talk" is a retired female hiker in her 60's.
However, it appears my books rankle the legions of evangelical Christians and I am not surprised by this. I address religious hypocrisy. I address those whose version of God is that of a violent, mean-spirited deity who punishes people with epidemics, natural disasters, accidents, disasters, etc. The reason I do so is because this concept of God is not aligned what I see depicted in Christ as portrayed in the New Testament.
They may disagree with me if they wish, but here's what I suggest to those who respond to my books with pontificating sermons and shame-mongering: I will take your criticism more seriously if you tell me that you feed the hungry, visit the infirm, treat senior citizens with respect, help the homeless, and leave the judgment up to God as the Bible proscribes. If all you are doing is surfing on the internet for every video or book or movie that is gay-positive so that you can preach and exhibit your pride and spiritual superiority then I will not take you seriously, for the Bible has plenty to say about that kind of self-aggrandizing and hypocritical behavior. Also, please note:
I don't do shame. it is a waste of psychic and emotional energy. If I have made a mistake that hurts others or affects their lives negatively I reflect upon it, meditate, and determine to do better. Then I MOVE ON. if God can forgive us then we must learn to forgive ourselves.
However, it appears my books rankle the legions of evangelical Christians and I am not surprised by this. I address religious hypocrisy. I address those whose version of God is that of a violent, mean-spirited deity who punishes people with epidemics, natural disasters, accidents, disasters, etc. The reason I do so is because this concept of God is not aligned what I see depicted in Christ as portrayed in the New Testament.
They may disagree with me if they wish, but here's what I suggest to those who respond to my books with pontificating sermons and shame-mongering: I will take your criticism more seriously if you tell me that you feed the hungry, visit the infirm, treat senior citizens with respect, help the homeless, and leave the judgment up to God as the Bible proscribes. If all you are doing is surfing on the internet for every video or book or movie that is gay-positive so that you can preach and exhibit your pride and spiritual superiority then I will not take you seriously, for the Bible has plenty to say about that kind of self-aggrandizing and hypocritical behavior. Also, please note:
I don't do shame. it is a waste of psychic and emotional energy. If I have made a mistake that hurts others or affects their lives negatively I reflect upon it, meditate, and determine to do better. Then I MOVE ON. if God can forgive us then we must learn to forgive ourselves.
November 3, 2020
Writing Again! Here's What's New
I was immersed in grief over the past few months over the loss of yet another friend. Think your life is brutal right now? This man, a somewhat famous stage director and actor, was dealing with cancer and getting chemo when the pandemic exploded. Although I tried to discourage it and offered another transportation option he generally drove himself to his treatments. Sometimes one has premonitions, and I distinctly thought, "He's too old to be driving himself about while getting these treatments and being on these meds."
Sure enough, he was involved in a car accident, then had to go to a rehab facility, (a risky place to be, considering COVID-19's prevalence in such facilities). He was there for several weeks, during which I checked up on his long time partner, also aged but mentally alert. After my friend was discharged home at the end of August he passed at home a few weeks later, "peacefully" according to the partner. Like me, this man writes both music and also (in his case) his own scripts for his theater production company to perform. He has been nominated for a Tony for a well known musical he directed. I related to him as a kindred creative spirit as well as a friend so it has been difficult to cope with.
Meanwhile I have managed to be productive at home and I improved a few of my books that had some formatting and font issues, etc. This was, for a non-tekkie, mind-boggling in its complexity at times, but I did it. It was worth it to make my paperbacks and e-books as easy to read and professional as possible.
Now I've emerged from this morass of tech hell to be able to start writing again. I am just completing the Introduction to my first non-fiction effort. I am not ready to say too much about it yet except that I know it may ruffle some feathers in the process of examining its subject matter. I am excited about it and I feel passionately about the subject. I will talk more about this new project in future blogs.
Like many of you, I am finding 2020 to be a challenge to my mental health. I was emotionally/verbally abused as a kid so have long suffered from at least low grade depression as well as social anxiety, which I have successfully dealt with. Sobriety, which initially seemed so anti-climactic to me, has been of help as well, 4 years now; I was not a classic physically addicted alcoholic, but a regular weekend binger for years. The rewards of sobriety take awhile to kick in but they are worth it!
I am in the highest risk group for CV, but a recent test as part of my annual physical revealed no exposure, no antibodies, so I must be doing something right. I am diligently trying to keep it together and stay reasonably busy. I am also doing plenty of reading, including some classics I missed: "Night" and "Dawn"," Peter Pan", finished Les Miserables (!), and now reading "Swann's Way" by Proust. I also read a book written by the chaplain of a hospital I worked at for years: "Memoirs of an AIDS Chaplain" by (Father) Jerry Anderson, which was most compelling and highly recommended.
Stay tuned. This is election day and I have voted, but for the sake of mental health I find it necessary to tune out the national drama, it's on cacophonic over-drive. I will instead take pen in hand. put on some movie soundtrack music or Phillip Glass, and see how my muse guides this new book. I trust the process once I have committed to and am excited about writing the book. No "tortured writer" stuff for me... Stay wise and stay safe! ~ ~ SK
Sure enough, he was involved in a car accident, then had to go to a rehab facility, (a risky place to be, considering COVID-19's prevalence in such facilities). He was there for several weeks, during which I checked up on his long time partner, also aged but mentally alert. After my friend was discharged home at the end of August he passed at home a few weeks later, "peacefully" according to the partner. Like me, this man writes both music and also (in his case) his own scripts for his theater production company to perform. He has been nominated for a Tony for a well known musical he directed. I related to him as a kindred creative spirit as well as a friend so it has been difficult to cope with.
Meanwhile I have managed to be productive at home and I improved a few of my books that had some formatting and font issues, etc. This was, for a non-tekkie, mind-boggling in its complexity at times, but I did it. It was worth it to make my paperbacks and e-books as easy to read and professional as possible.
Now I've emerged from this morass of tech hell to be able to start writing again. I am just completing the Introduction to my first non-fiction effort. I am not ready to say too much about it yet except that I know it may ruffle some feathers in the process of examining its subject matter. I am excited about it and I feel passionately about the subject. I will talk more about this new project in future blogs.
Like many of you, I am finding 2020 to be a challenge to my mental health. I was emotionally/verbally abused as a kid so have long suffered from at least low grade depression as well as social anxiety, which I have successfully dealt with. Sobriety, which initially seemed so anti-climactic to me, has been of help as well, 4 years now; I was not a classic physically addicted alcoholic, but a regular weekend binger for years. The rewards of sobriety take awhile to kick in but they are worth it!
I am in the highest risk group for CV, but a recent test as part of my annual physical revealed no exposure, no antibodies, so I must be doing something right. I am diligently trying to keep it together and stay reasonably busy. I am also doing plenty of reading, including some classics I missed: "Night" and "Dawn"," Peter Pan", finished Les Miserables (!), and now reading "Swann's Way" by Proust. I also read a book written by the chaplain of a hospital I worked at for years: "Memoirs of an AIDS Chaplain" by (Father) Jerry Anderson, which was most compelling and highly recommended.
Stay tuned. This is election day and I have voted, but for the sake of mental health I find it necessary to tune out the national drama, it's on cacophonic over-drive. I will instead take pen in hand. put on some movie soundtrack music or Phillip Glass, and see how my muse guides this new book. I trust the process once I have committed to and am excited about writing the book. No "tortured writer" stuff for me... Stay wise and stay safe! ~ ~ SK
August 18, 2020
Update on My Books
Here is an update on my book titles in the order they have been published:
~ My Strange Little Oasis (a trilogy) - On Goodreads you will see the original editions and book covers for this trilogy which were created when it was published by a traditional publisher. When I obtained the rights to the three parts of this book I was required to change the cover art-work. I did so and the new covers are on Amazon and also Goodreads. Reviews? So far, great!
~ Shades of Gay (a collection of short stories). This one too started with a traditional publisher and after I got rights back I changed the cover and the title (to avoid association with the then massively popular Shades of Gray series) This book is now titled "Stories from My Uncle's Attic". The opening pages were added on as a "set-up" to the stories that follow. Reviews? Mostly great although one of the 7 stories seems to ruffle some feathers and appears to have been misinterpreted by at least one reader.
` If Those Trees Could Talk- currently undergoing a few formatting enhancements but both paperback and e-book will go live on Amazon by Sep 1 2020. Reviews? Great. Those into romance and a little spice won't be disappointed but it is also a portrait of 1984 and the earliest phase of the AIDS epidemic.
~ I Believe For Every Drop of Rain That Falls Someone Drowns is a novella. I would best describe it as modern day Twilight Zone episode; much humor and food for thought. Reviews? Bring 'em on! This one also needed some enhancement and repair and the new edition is blue and features a raindrop on the cover. The title will make perfect sense once the book is read. Reviews? So far so good.
~ Love is a Real Mother is my newest book and is, as of August 2020, only available in paperback. The e-book will be available by September 2020. No reviews yet but promotion efforts underway.
I too have been relegated to home due to CV pandemic, the protests in L.A., etc Good year to catch up on your reading! SK
~ My Strange Little Oasis (a trilogy) - On Goodreads you will see the original editions and book covers for this trilogy which were created when it was published by a traditional publisher. When I obtained the rights to the three parts of this book I was required to change the cover art-work. I did so and the new covers are on Amazon and also Goodreads. Reviews? So far, great!
~ Shades of Gay (a collection of short stories). This one too started with a traditional publisher and after I got rights back I changed the cover and the title (to avoid association with the then massively popular Shades of Gray series) This book is now titled "Stories from My Uncle's Attic". The opening pages were added on as a "set-up" to the stories that follow. Reviews? Mostly great although one of the 7 stories seems to ruffle some feathers and appears to have been misinterpreted by at least one reader.
` If Those Trees Could Talk- currently undergoing a few formatting enhancements but both paperback and e-book will go live on Amazon by Sep 1 2020. Reviews? Great. Those into romance and a little spice won't be disappointed but it is also a portrait of 1984 and the earliest phase of the AIDS epidemic.
~ I Believe For Every Drop of Rain That Falls Someone Drowns is a novella. I would best describe it as modern day Twilight Zone episode; much humor and food for thought. Reviews? Bring 'em on! This one also needed some enhancement and repair and the new edition is blue and features a raindrop on the cover. The title will make perfect sense once the book is read. Reviews? So far so good.
~ Love is a Real Mother is my newest book and is, as of August 2020, only available in paperback. The e-book will be available by September 2020. No reviews yet but promotion efforts underway.
I too have been relegated to home due to CV pandemic, the protests in L.A., etc Good year to catch up on your reading! SK
May 27, 2020
An Unexpected Addendum to My Survival List
What does your survival list consist of? Here is my own: Somehow, some way, by some happenstance or luck or random fortune I have managed to survive the following>
~ emotional abuse by a parent
~ at least 8 years of bullying in school
~ a series of mostly immature relationships
~ the AIDS epidemic
~ alcoholism (not classic but a weekender
binge version); sober now for 4 years.
~ employment as a hospital social worker,
including throughout the early and most
horrific of the AIDS epidemic.
~ a financial melt-down in 2016.
~ and now? a pandemic
I could be more specific as to how I survived each of these but I plan to post more concise blogs now. Needless to say, I live in gratitude.
My latest book has been published on Kindle Direct Publishing. It's called "Love is a Real Mother" and is currently available in paperback only. I will discuss that book in my next blog. In the meanwhile I hope all of you are staying physically and emotionally grounded in these harrowing times.
As a gay actor who was HIV positive once said to me in 1993, a few years before successful treatment for HIV was found, "Honey, if you're breathing you're successful". He died about 3 years later bless his heart but I've never forgotten that line. SK
~ emotional abuse by a parent
~ at least 8 years of bullying in school
~ a series of mostly immature relationships
~ the AIDS epidemic
~ alcoholism (not classic but a weekender
binge version); sober now for 4 years.
~ employment as a hospital social worker,
including throughout the early and most
horrific of the AIDS epidemic.
~ a financial melt-down in 2016.
~ and now? a pandemic
I could be more specific as to how I survived each of these but I plan to post more concise blogs now. Needless to say, I live in gratitude.
My latest book has been published on Kindle Direct Publishing. It's called "Love is a Real Mother" and is currently available in paperback only. I will discuss that book in my next blog. In the meanwhile I hope all of you are staying physically and emotionally grounded in these harrowing times.
As a gay actor who was HIV positive once said to me in 1993, a few years before successful treatment for HIV was found, "Honey, if you're breathing you're successful". He died about 3 years later bless his heart but I've never forgotten that line. SK
December 3, 2017
In Response to World AIDS Remembrance Day
As a person who "came of age" in the '70s I found myself reflecting on that era and the '80s on Worldwide AIDS Remembrance Day. It is hard to admit one still suffers some of the traumatic effects of the worst years of the AIDS crisis; you'd think one would be over it. But how do you really get over something of that magnitude? I accepted that you just carry on, but the memory remains... like a painful scar. How does this emotional trauma manifest? Here are some of the ways:
1. Time has a way of distorting and re-shaping in one's mind . It is shocking for me to remember that it essentially was a mere 10 years from the time I re-united with my first love, my college boyfriend Jack, in his home town of Westminster, California. His parents had vowed to take him back there if he did not break up with me at our college in Indiana where we fell in love. So in order to either get him back or at least say a final goodby I drove all the way to California in my little red VW, and yes, I got him back and we moved to Hollywood. His parents tried their best to end our relationship, but he was an adult by that time. We unfortunately broke up 3 years after moving to L. A., but the party was on big time anyway...and then it began to end already by 1984 or so, even earlier for some guys... there was a monster after us... and yes, it claimed Jack by 1985... had lost the love of my life, first to a blonde man with a disturbingly violent temper, then later to AIDS. I cried a river but
2. that was only the beginning... I watched in horror as friends, people I danced with, people who worked in the bars I went to, people I had played and laughed with, and men I had lived with began getting sick or disappearing... it was difficult to process so much suffering and loss so fast. Denial was all one could cling to in order to remain sane. The entire crisis was in 3-D for me, in particular, as I was a hospital social worker and therefore had to try to be of help to one AIDS patient after another, most of them my peers. I also recall devastated parents complaining that their sons were not getting adequate care, that food trays were being left outside rooms, etc. As a gay man I was called upon to see these patients, even though there wasn't much info back then on how the disease was transmitted. I never knew when summoned to a room if it would be someone I would know or not, but I determined to not be afraid to help them any way I could, even realizing I could be the next one hooked up to an IV in one of those rooms... I drank in private to cope; it helped, frankly...
3. I have dreams of my boyfriends who died; in these dreams they are happy and well. Then, at some point in the dreams, I realize they maybe are not well, that they are dying or about to die. They live in my dreams; they are my ghosts.
4. I swear I cannot see a visible tattoo on someone without inwardly flinching in fear it is a purple lesion, which was an initial sign of AIDS back then, sort of like being branded by death itself... this is why although I have considered it I have never gotten a single tattoo
5. I can listen to my album from 2000, "Family Values" by Stain'd Glass, and see what a record it was, literally, of the AIDS crisis. AIDS is the ominous back-drop suggested or directly referred to in at least 4 of the songs on that album, including "Faery Dust", "Boys in the Band", "Lock Into this Groove", and "The Exodus". I do not know if this album is even still obtainable, maybe on E-Bay, It made royalties, was written about in The Advocate, and is a rare, fully produced pop album that is "openly gay". It certainly is a document of its time in the wake of years of tragedy, loss, and the nightmare of the epidemic. Writing those songs helped me to cope.
6. I sometimes have the oddest thought: these men that I lost, these many men, did not ever own a computer... their lives were simply cut off in their prime, so many of them beautiful, virile, handsome, talented, charismatic, and virtual sex gods in some cases... the loss was and is staggering..
7. Guilt. Not a lot, but it creeps up on me from time to time. Guilt that I, who was running with the wolves, playing in the same places, dancing to the same music of Donna Summer and Chic and Sylvester and Bee Gees and all the rest, can still dance and still live on now... I survived, and I try not to ask the obvious question: WHY? That is the mystery i live with every day of my life as a now middle aged man in the autumn of his life if not yet winter.
one winter of that magnitude was enough. I have determined to give what I can and be done with it. and yes, lest anyone think I do not do so, I give gratitude every day to Whoever is listening up there....
1. Time has a way of distorting and re-shaping in one's mind . It is shocking for me to remember that it essentially was a mere 10 years from the time I re-united with my first love, my college boyfriend Jack, in his home town of Westminster, California. His parents had vowed to take him back there if he did not break up with me at our college in Indiana where we fell in love. So in order to either get him back or at least say a final goodby I drove all the way to California in my little red VW, and yes, I got him back and we moved to Hollywood. His parents tried their best to end our relationship, but he was an adult by that time. We unfortunately broke up 3 years after moving to L. A., but the party was on big time anyway...and then it began to end already by 1984 or so, even earlier for some guys... there was a monster after us... and yes, it claimed Jack by 1985... had lost the love of my life, first to a blonde man with a disturbingly violent temper, then later to AIDS. I cried a river but
2. that was only the beginning... I watched in horror as friends, people I danced with, people who worked in the bars I went to, people I had played and laughed with, and men I had lived with began getting sick or disappearing... it was difficult to process so much suffering and loss so fast. Denial was all one could cling to in order to remain sane. The entire crisis was in 3-D for me, in particular, as I was a hospital social worker and therefore had to try to be of help to one AIDS patient after another, most of them my peers. I also recall devastated parents complaining that their sons were not getting adequate care, that food trays were being left outside rooms, etc. As a gay man I was called upon to see these patients, even though there wasn't much info back then on how the disease was transmitted. I never knew when summoned to a room if it would be someone I would know or not, but I determined to not be afraid to help them any way I could, even realizing I could be the next one hooked up to an IV in one of those rooms... I drank in private to cope; it helped, frankly...
3. I have dreams of my boyfriends who died; in these dreams they are happy and well. Then, at some point in the dreams, I realize they maybe are not well, that they are dying or about to die. They live in my dreams; they are my ghosts.
4. I swear I cannot see a visible tattoo on someone without inwardly flinching in fear it is a purple lesion, which was an initial sign of AIDS back then, sort of like being branded by death itself... this is why although I have considered it I have never gotten a single tattoo
5. I can listen to my album from 2000, "Family Values" by Stain'd Glass, and see what a record it was, literally, of the AIDS crisis. AIDS is the ominous back-drop suggested or directly referred to in at least 4 of the songs on that album, including "Faery Dust", "Boys in the Band", "Lock Into this Groove", and "The Exodus". I do not know if this album is even still obtainable, maybe on E-Bay, It made royalties, was written about in The Advocate, and is a rare, fully produced pop album that is "openly gay". It certainly is a document of its time in the wake of years of tragedy, loss, and the nightmare of the epidemic. Writing those songs helped me to cope.
6. I sometimes have the oddest thought: these men that I lost, these many men, did not ever own a computer... their lives were simply cut off in their prime, so many of them beautiful, virile, handsome, talented, charismatic, and virtual sex gods in some cases... the loss was and is staggering..
7. Guilt. Not a lot, but it creeps up on me from time to time. Guilt that I, who was running with the wolves, playing in the same places, dancing to the same music of Donna Summer and Chic and Sylvester and Bee Gees and all the rest, can still dance and still live on now... I survived, and I try not to ask the obvious question: WHY? That is the mystery i live with every day of my life as a now middle aged man in the autumn of his life if not yet winter.
one winter of that magnitude was enough. I have determined to give what I can and be done with it. and yes, lest anyone think I do not do so, I give gratitude every day to Whoever is listening up there....
September 14, 2017
Surrender to the Muse
The muse is like a small, assertive bird that pecks at the window of one's mind and heart knowing full well you will probably ignore it the first time and perhaps the second and third times as well. Nevertheless, it keeps pecking, even after you assure yourself it has flown away to pursue another, more receptive person to intrigue with its burst of creative inspiration.
Having recently finished the next-to-final draft of a modest, not particularly long novel and sent it off to my dedicated typist Michelle, (yes...I write books, but I do not type! All my books are hand-crafted works written in long hand and then typed by someone else before I edit them on my PC), I plummeted into that curious state of restlessness that I have experienced many times before when not actively involved in a creative project, be it a book or a new song. I would describe it as a sort of moderate form of temporary grieving, as if one has been abandoned by a beloved house guest after a prolonged stay.
I felt this come over me like a fluorescent cloud within a day or two of finishing my edit of this new book, and it is always dismaying. I usually fight back against it by exercising more, taking longer walks, or seeking various amusements as a form of distraction. I do not attempt to treat this state with drugs or alcohol, mostly because they are but temporary escape hatches and thus pointless. Also, I have learned that the desolation one feels upon finishing a big time-consuming project is just the time one must not have artificial cotton stuffed in the ears of one's heart and soul. One must be at least clear in one's inner auditory capacity, for sometimes it is exactly in this state of loss and subtle, bereft sadness that ones hears
the faint, but persistent sound of pecking on the window.
"Aah", one thinks. "There she is...I'd better listen."
One may listen, of course, but not respond. It is with a brush of one's hand that one shoos the bird away, dismissing some new idea it has brought forth in its tiny beak.
But it returns 2 days later, and then again 3 days after that, and finally it sinks it: this is my muse. I can either ignore her and blot her out of my mind or I can receive what she is telling me.
" OK, Steven get to the point!", you may say. "What is the next book about?" Well, yes, that particular writing muse already got my attention a few months back while working on the current book. It is still a bit of a shapeless blob, but the kernel, the idea and subject matter, is there. It is not ready at all ,merely gesticulating.
But this unexpected muse pestering me now has nothing to do with books, but rather.. music. It is an aggressive little bird, I must say! And it insists that I am to write the music for a modest length stage musical based on the lives of a substantial group of people deeply misunderstood and often hated and reviled by many others.
It was then that I realized I had been playing a lovely piece of music on my piano, and the title of a song came to me as clear as a bell: "Kind".
"Kind?" Yes... "kind'. A one word title.
I will see if the muse has led me into a gossamer-like web of directionless whimsy or toward something of substance and heart.
And I will surrender once again to my muse the best I can. That is my life. I feel it would make me miserable to ignore this tiny bird, this muse, and I am excited. I have to laugh at myself; it is the closest i will ever have to an S+M relationship, but it is wondrous. I do not think "Is this 'commercial? Is it what people want or need on a stage at this point? Will it make me any damn money whatsoever? (LOL...most creative efforts do not make their creators money, but the potential is always there). Above all, "Is this a viable and worthy use of my energies?"
And my answer to this one: yes, it certainly appears so, and that bird, that insistent bord is still there tapping away... Thus I am helpless and proceeding; I am listening. it may be utterly naive, but I believe every creative endeavor starts with that little bird pecking at the window. The key is to LISTEN.
It is ever our choice to listen and respond, or wait her out until she gives up and tries a more receptive host. It would be easier to say "No thank you. Go away. Too much work. I need a rest."
But I can't live the possibility I might regret that one day: I have already approached that window, and am opening it. And this first song is already being gradually born: "Kind". Odd little title. The word looms in my mind and imagination; there is some connection to a story, but whose story?
it is a mystery and a puzzle to me now, but perhaps 6 months or a year from now it won't be.
Such is the mystery (and joy) of the muse. If she comes to your window over and over, listen carefully. There is an idea, a concept, and perhaps a gift she is trying to give you. If you don't believe that eventually she will take flight and what was yours becomes that of another willing to open the window.
Having recently finished the next-to-final draft of a modest, not particularly long novel and sent it off to my dedicated typist Michelle, (yes...I write books, but I do not type! All my books are hand-crafted works written in long hand and then typed by someone else before I edit them on my PC), I plummeted into that curious state of restlessness that I have experienced many times before when not actively involved in a creative project, be it a book or a new song. I would describe it as a sort of moderate form of temporary grieving, as if one has been abandoned by a beloved house guest after a prolonged stay.
I felt this come over me like a fluorescent cloud within a day or two of finishing my edit of this new book, and it is always dismaying. I usually fight back against it by exercising more, taking longer walks, or seeking various amusements as a form of distraction. I do not attempt to treat this state with drugs or alcohol, mostly because they are but temporary escape hatches and thus pointless. Also, I have learned that the desolation one feels upon finishing a big time-consuming project is just the time one must not have artificial cotton stuffed in the ears of one's heart and soul. One must be at least clear in one's inner auditory capacity, for sometimes it is exactly in this state of loss and subtle, bereft sadness that ones hears
the faint, but persistent sound of pecking on the window.
"Aah", one thinks. "There she is...I'd better listen."
One may listen, of course, but not respond. It is with a brush of one's hand that one shoos the bird away, dismissing some new idea it has brought forth in its tiny beak.
But it returns 2 days later, and then again 3 days after that, and finally it sinks it: this is my muse. I can either ignore her and blot her out of my mind or I can receive what she is telling me.
" OK, Steven get to the point!", you may say. "What is the next book about?" Well, yes, that particular writing muse already got my attention a few months back while working on the current book. It is still a bit of a shapeless blob, but the kernel, the idea and subject matter, is there. It is not ready at all ,merely gesticulating.
But this unexpected muse pestering me now has nothing to do with books, but rather.. music. It is an aggressive little bird, I must say! And it insists that I am to write the music for a modest length stage musical based on the lives of a substantial group of people deeply misunderstood and often hated and reviled by many others.
It was then that I realized I had been playing a lovely piece of music on my piano, and the title of a song came to me as clear as a bell: "Kind".
"Kind?" Yes... "kind'. A one word title.
I will see if the muse has led me into a gossamer-like web of directionless whimsy or toward something of substance and heart.
And I will surrender once again to my muse the best I can. That is my life. I feel it would make me miserable to ignore this tiny bird, this muse, and I am excited. I have to laugh at myself; it is the closest i will ever have to an S+M relationship, but it is wondrous. I do not think "Is this 'commercial? Is it what people want or need on a stage at this point? Will it make me any damn money whatsoever? (LOL...most creative efforts do not make their creators money, but the potential is always there). Above all, "Is this a viable and worthy use of my energies?"
And my answer to this one: yes, it certainly appears so, and that bird, that insistent bord is still there tapping away... Thus I am helpless and proceeding; I am listening. it may be utterly naive, but I believe every creative endeavor starts with that little bird pecking at the window. The key is to LISTEN.
It is ever our choice to listen and respond, or wait her out until she gives up and tries a more receptive host. It would be easier to say "No thank you. Go away. Too much work. I need a rest."
But I can't live the possibility I might regret that one day: I have already approached that window, and am opening it. And this first song is already being gradually born: "Kind". Odd little title. The word looms in my mind and imagination; there is some connection to a story, but whose story?
it is a mystery and a puzzle to me now, but perhaps 6 months or a year from now it won't be.
Such is the mystery (and joy) of the muse. If she comes to your window over and over, listen carefully. There is an idea, a concept, and perhaps a gift she is trying to give you. If you don't believe that eventually she will take flight and what was yours becomes that of another willing to open the window.
