Benedict Ballyhoot

“In addition to these gallant acts, pioneering explorations, and spectacular feats of strength, Gilbert Guttlebocker has a much more mundane side. His life, like all of ours, has been littered with innumerable simple, bland things that would often get overlooked in most biographies, such as the slow and tired afternoon he joined the Scandinavian cannibals for lunch; or the humdrum time when his teleportation device transported him inside himself; or even the particularly uneventful day when he discovered he was the only person left on earth after a global nuclear holocaust.”
― Benedict Ballyhoot, Gilbert Guttlebocker, Defender of Dragons

“Gilbert Guttlebocker particularly enjoyed narratives that were so fantastic that they could not be believed without suspending one’s understanding of reality, such as that tall tale of the tiny little invisible thing that nearly blew up the whole world, commonly known as the Manhattan Project; or the strange story in which a man who had been dead for three whole days raised himself to life again, often called The Gospel; or that farcical legend in which liberal casino-owner Donald Trump became the arch-conservative president of the United States, also known as American History. You see, Gilbert, like many children his age, had such a powerful imagination that he actually believed these absurd narratives to be factual, and he longed for the day when he could be involved in a story equally beyond belief.”
― Benedict Ballyhoot, Gilbert Guttlebocker, Defender of Dragons

“There is no use attempting to explain to Gilbert that cowboys’ horses always kick up dust and that that is why, when the cowboy rode off into the sunset, the horse kicked up dust, regardless of the absence of dust to be kicked up. Nor is there any point in explaining to Gilbert that cowboys cannot ride off into sunsets unless the sun is setting when they do, regardless of the time of day. The poor boy was simply unable to fathom some very simple concepts.”
― Benedict Ballyhoot, Gilbert Guttlebocker, Defender of Dragons