Jeni Decker's Blog

Sometimes when I'm bored, I reimagine some of the Bard's delightful works for shits and giggles. One thing I discovered about the man while wading around in his prose is that he was kind of a wuss. I hope the subject of all his gummy sonnets whacked him upside the head at some point because, dude, man the hell up and quit all the whining for God's sake.

Since I've been a horrible blogger lately, and would rather eat a cockroach than regale you with my mundane daily activties, please enjoy some...

en·ti·tle·ment noun -ˈtī-təl-mənt\

Definition of ENTITLEMENT

1: the state or condition of being entitled ; a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract

2: a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program

3: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges




Let’s just get this all out in the open, shall we? Because I like nothing more than a little brutal truth with my afternoon coffee.
Ca...

NOTE: (This is what happens when a writer gets bored...)


The Raven, defiled.—(not) Edgar Allan Poe 


Once upon a mid-day dreary, while I labored, weak and bleary,
I read a strange and curious roll of un-forgotten lore — (word-of-the-day TP)
With angst I prodded, nearly snapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As if someone gently rapping, rapping at the bathroom door.
"‘Tis occupied," I started. "Stop tapping at the bathroom door —
Aggrieve me with nothing more!"

How distinctly I remember, my a...

Nashville to Cleveland

   What really got me were his shoes. I sat on a plane, staring out a rain-dappled window at a kid who couldn’t be more than twenty. He was wearing one of those fluorescent yellow vests and held up two orange batons in an X formation over his head, presumably giving some signal to the pilot.  What are these people called, the baton toting people directing airplanes on the runway? I should Google that at some point.*   But I digress…
 ...

I rarely cry anymore. When I popped out two kids, the first thing that leaked out after them along with the amniotic liquid was my timidity in times of import and my outwardly emotional side when the shit hits the fan.Oh, I’ll yell. I’ll gasp… I’ll get pissed. Maybe I’ll even make a joke. But I won’t fucking cry. I’m the rock and rocks don’t cry. I learned pretty early on in my parenting life that the people around me didn’t like it when I cried. They got white-faced and nervous and had no id...

I was trying to figure out a fun way to help raise more money for Dale Ray’s new liver, but all of the Twitter followers I contacted refused to send me boob pictures to raffle off.  Since mine aren’t fit for public consumption, that idea flat-lined pretty quickly.
Next, I gathered my kids together to help me make some crafts to auction off, but as I stared at the table loaded with dead batteries and cell phones, old shoelaces, empty ramen noodle containers, and glitter, my inspiration beg...

I get asked questions about publishing frequently, whether by e-mail or at book signings and events. Usually I shrug and mumble something about luck, because it does feel kind of arbitrary. But I thought I���d use this opportunity to answer as many of those questions as I can.

To make it more entertaining, let���s start by discussing Fifty Shades of Grey ��� since it���s one of those anomalies we really can���t use as a basis for any true conversation about publishing. But it���s always the kind ...

I get asked questions about publishing frequently, whether by e-mail or at book signings and events. Usually I shrug and mumble something about luck, because it does feel kind of arbitrary. But I thought I’d use this opportunity to answer as many of those questions as I can.To make it more entertaining, let’s start by discussing Fifty Shades of Grey – since it’s one of those anomalies we really can’t use as a basis for any true conversation about publishing. But it’s always the kind of e...

Chapter One of Rigor Mortis - narrated by the inimitable Greg Crites.
(WARNING: Explicit language)

  


As we all know, one of the most entertaining aspects of 2012 was the lineup of Right-Wing wackadoos on the fringes of this years’ Presidential election. I’m not talking about the handful of well-meaning conservatives – I’m talking about the Herman Cains, Rick Perrys and Michelle Bachmanns… you know, the ones that belonged in an SNL skit. 
This year, for shits and giggles, my sister and I filmed some fun parody campaign spots, under the premise that Kat Nove and I would be runn...