Rea Writes's Blog

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Fallen Star - The Neighbourhood (1st, chapter 100)

Right Here - Chase Atlantic

I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston (1st, chapter 48)

Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional (1st, chapter 48)

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak (1st, chapter 48)

Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams (1st, chapter 48)

I Do It For You - Bryan Adams (1st, chapter 48)

Heaven - Bryan Adams

Hungry Eyes - Eric Carmen (1st, chapter 48)

Rest In Pieces - Saliva (1st, chapter 48)

The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin (1st, chapter 48)

Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet (1st, chapter 48)

Aftertaste - Ben Lee (1st, chapter 48)

Butterflies - Tony Anderson (1st, chapter 44)

Le Temps Des Roses - Stanislas (1st, chapter 48)

She's Like The Wind - Patrick Swayze (1st, chapter 48)

Just How Many Songs Are In That Damn (1st, chapter 48)

I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew

All Of Me - John Legend

Speed Of Light - Baptiste Giabiconi (she made him listen to this and he loved it)

Whever I Go - One Republic (2nd, then (14))

We Are Young - Fun

I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner (1st, chapter 54)

Every Breath You Take - The Police

Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

Creep - Radiohead

Hard To Say I'm Sorry - Chicago

 I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys (1st, chapter 54)

Love You Like A Love Song - Selena Gomez (1st, chapter 54)

We Don't Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

Love Me harder - Ariana Grande (1st, chapter 54)

God Is A Woman - Ariana Grande (he pretended not to notice that she was seeing him add it)

Touch It - Ariana Grande

Kill - Jimmy Eat World

Empty Apartment - Yellowcard

Drift - Forty Foot Echo

EZ - Pete Yorn

Hard To Find - The American Analog Set

Always Love - Nada Surf

Lie In The Sound - Trespassers William (referenced in 2nd, then (66))

Renegade - Aaryan Shah

Desert Rose - Lolo Zouaï

Here I am - Bryan Adams (reference to Spirit mentioned in 2nd, then (60))

Me Voilà - Bryan Adams (she obv added those)

Je Défendrai Ma Vie - Bryan Adams

Je Reviendrai Vers Toi - Bryan Adams

Hostage - Billie Eilish

i love you - Billie Eilish

The Beach - The Neighbourhood (referenced in 2nd, then (26))

The Beach (instrumental) - The Neighbourhood

Paradise - The Neighbourhood

Tobacco Sunburst - The Neighbourhood

Void - The Neighbourhood

Softcore - The Neighbourhood

Scary Love - The Neighbourhood

Nervous - The Neighbourhood

You Get Me So High - The Neighbourhood

Reflections - The Neighbourhood

#icanteven - The Neighbourhood

Compass - The Neighbourhood

A Little Death - The Neighbourhood

Cry Baby - The Neighbourhood

Blue - The Neighbourhood

U&I - The Neighbourhood

Over The Influence - The Neighbourhood

Dangerous - The Neighbourhood

Warm - The Neighbourhood

Single - The Neighbourhood

Pretty Boy - The Neighbourhood (she added that)

I'm Not Adding Any More The Neighbourhood Songs Okay?

Can't Do Anything - The Factoury (i lied)

Rainbow - Jesse

Those Eyes - New West

Garçon - Koxie (she added that too obv)

the perfect pair - beabadoobee

glue song - beabadoobee

Bags - Clairo

High School Sweathearts - Melanie Martinez

Is There Someone Else - The Weeknd

Moth To A Flame - The Weeknd

Die For You - The Weeknd

I Feel It Coming - The Weeknd

After Hours - The Weeknd

Earned It - The Weeknd

Lost In The Fire - The Weeknd

Call Out My Name - The Weeknd (her suggestion)

The Way I Are - Timbaland (they sang this as a duo during a karaoke night)

Collide - Justine Skye

Snooze - SZA (she stole his phone and added this)

Nobody Gets Me - SZA

Kill Bill - SZA

Mesaytara - Lamis Kan (she knows it by heart and he's crazy in love so)

Show Me How - Men I Trust (referenced in 1st, chapter 43)

Fall Into You - Oscar Lang

I Found - Amber Run

Cigarettes - Amir Obe

In My Veins - Andrew Belle

Roi - Videoclub

M. - Anil Emre Daldal

Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO (random mood lifter)

Moonlight - Kali Uchis

Streets - Doja Cat

Candy - Doja Cat

Scandalous - Mis Teeq

Lady - Modjo

Only Girl - Rihanna (she made him add that and he gladly did)

Heart To Heart - Mac DeMarco

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows (Shrek DUH)

Stolen Dance - Milky Chance

All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor

After Dark - Mr Kitty

Work Song - Hozier

Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes

Mind Games - Sickick (3rd, chapter 44)

Bags - Clairo

Dark Red - Steve Lacy

Without Me - Halsey

Art Deco - Lana Del Rey

Margaret - Lana Del Rey

Chemtrails Over The Country Club - Lana Del Rey

I'll Do It - Ayesha Erotica

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

Lights Down Low - Max

As The World Caves In - Matt Maltese

Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

In The Rain - David Russell

La Petite Fille De La Mer - Vangelis

Rêves - Vangelis

Je Te Laisserai Des Mots - Patrick Watson

Roslyn - Bon Iver (1st, chapter 26)

Skin - Danny Knutelsky

Motion - Danny Knutelsky

Nightlight - Finding Hope

Friends - Finding Hope

Apocalypse - Cigarettes After Sex

K. - Cigarettes After Sex

Sparks - Coldplay

Finesse - Bruno Mars

Treasure - Bruno Mars

One Of The Girls - The Weeknd

If You Seek Amy - Britney Spears

Black Widow - Iggy Azalea

The Way I Loved You - Taylor Swift

Daylight - Taylor Swift

Cardigan - Taylor Swift

Mon Ange - Jena Lee (3rd, chapter 32)

Eternise Moi - Jena Lee

Halo - Bethany Joy Lenz

Halo - Beyonce

Where Them Girls At - David Guetta

Cheap Thrills - Sia

Sure Thing - Miguel

Let Me Love You - Justin Bieber

Chicago - Michael Jackson

My Love Mine All Mine - Mitski

Blood Sweat And Tears (x Streets) - BTS (Doja Cat)

__________

A few things:

    - 1st : Anger is Bliss / 2nd : Love is Misery / 3rd : She is a Fever, Longing Still

    - if i add anything, I'll add it in pink!

    - there is no particular order!!

    - some lyrics are not exactly what they would sing at the top of their lungs, but the rhythm most likely saves it (yes the weeknd, I'm talking about you)

    - any song that talks about love and is good (lol) can be part of this playlist. I obviously know my characters, but I don't know all the songs that exist. If you want to make this a playlist for you and add songs that you like and think Ethen would listen to, go right ahead, I'd love to hear about it!

    - my characters have very strong morals and are loyal to who they are and what they believe in. Most of these artists are problematic unfortunately (but unsurprisingly), and my characters (or me) would never listen to their music in a way that benefits those who don't deserve it! please do so as well if you recreate this playlist, keep it in mind <3

 

Rea

    I think the reason may be that I've never read about a character I could fully relate to, not only appearance wise, but truly feelings wise. It always bothered me that issues like self-esteem and fear of abandonment and fear of trusting someone and anything like that, were so easily delt with and the authors made the character get over it so fast, without struggle, without any of the real healing process and difficulties to get there.

    Another reason would be that, in other books I read where the main character is chubby/fat, it is rather romanticized and doesn't mention the depth of the suffering that goes with growing up fat. I never see authors write about what it's like being fat, even when they represent fat people in their art. So I decided to do it. Being fat isn't just a trope in a romance book. It's trauma and growing up hating yourself. It's not your mother calling you names and the love interest hearing it and reassuring you. It's being frowned upon for existing, by the entire world, and not believing a single word anyone says because of it. And I'm honestly tired of authors not writing about the depth of how painful it all is just because being fat becomes their main character's personality trait and a mere convenience for the love interest to take action and nothing more.

    I've also never seen a fat characters with eating disorders (more specifically, I have never ever read in my life about a fat character starving themselves). Which is like...crazy. Most fat people have eating disorders, and not all of us binge LOL. I can't believe I even have to mention that because it's ridiculous, honestly. How come the lack of representation chocked me to the point of writing it myself? Seriously.

    Not being able to relate to anything or anyone is a very lonely feeling, and I think I got exhausted of trying to read anything that made me feel the opposite of how I intended to feel while picking up the book. That was a very long sentence to say that I basically wrote the books so no one who felt like me would pick up my books and feel like they can't relate because the characters are just...too fictional to be relatable, if that makes sense.

    I wanted to change my character's name before truly putting it out there, but most of the people who helped me through the process and were such wonderful people with me had already read the book as is, and I didn't want to confuse them or change the name of the main character. It was inconvenient in many aspects. It makes me awkward to explain it to people I know, friends or acquaintances, but I learned to just accept the embarrassment and embrace it. After all, I think I did something good by trying to write something that would bring comfort to others, myself included, and making myself the main character was what helped me write the story in depth and know what I wanted to tell the world. I don't think I should have wanted to change anything in the first place anymore. I'm glad I kept everything I could!

    After all, she is me. Her personality, her humour, her thoughts, her trauma, her issues, even her looks. Sometimes, I can't believe there are finally books out there, where I am the main character. Mama we made it!!

Rea

 Not to brag or anything HEHEHE but like (all at 19 hello????? (I would've k myself if I'd done it later than 19 years old))

    Anger is Bliss - January 11th 2024

(thought process: "omg i need to make the number 11 appear somehow" 11/01/2024 → 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 4 = 11)

    Love is Misery - February 1st 2024

(thought process: "omg i need to make the number 11 appear somehow" 01/02/2024 → 1 + 2 + 2 + 2 + 4 = 11)

    She is a Fever, Longing Still - February 29th 2024

(thought process: "omg i need to make the number 11 appear somehow" 29/02/2024 → 2 + 9 = 11)

yes I am stupid

Rea

Well, I really wanted to explain the whys and the hows of my books and their creations. I wanted to write it down and find the right words to explain why I wrote them, and why the main character is me, why I talk about the things I talk about, why I included the things I did.

    I started writing Anger is Bliss when I was in 11th grade (damn, the number 11 is everywhere innit). At that time, I hated my life a little bit, to be honest. I hated school, as I said in my acknowledgements. The buildings themselves were beautiful and I miss it every day, but the pressure, the schedule, the teachers I had, how it was at home, in my head...it was all draining and it made my mind messy.
    I admit I started writing to escape how miserable I was, but also how BORED I was with my life. Just like Andrea, I hate it when nothing happens, when everything in your life is neither good or bad, when nothing is really happening. It gets overwhelming because I have no other option but to be stuck with my own thoughts, and I swear on my (non-existent) father's life it can get scary lol.
    So, I felt bad, but somehow, I was also bored, and I thought, "I'll just start writing for me and see how it goes, I guess." I ended up writing a shit beginning of a story and deleting it and starting over the moment my best friend said she'd like to read it, because I was ashamed (as I should, it was atrocious). I started again, and I decided to write this romance book y'all love more than anything!!
    I spent my summer either reading stuff I saw on wattpad (it was all horrible and I think it's good I went through that because I avoided writing anything like it LOL) or writing (just a little bit). When school started again in September, I spent my free hours with my best friend and wrote my silly little story on my silly little phone.
    Everything, and I mean EVERY SINGLE THING, every chapter and every scene, is inspired by either scenarios in my head or videos I've seen on social media. I had no clear plot at first, I knew I wanted to share a message, perhaps a few at that, and I knew I wanted to satisfy the lack of comfort I get from any other romance book I've ever read by creating one myself, with the details and precise vocabulary and dialogue I wanted (lots of fluff and tension and teasing and flirting KRKRKR).
    But the more I wrote, the clearer it got.

I wanted to:    - create something relatable for people who felt the way I did
    - I wanted real and accurate representation of what it's like growing up fat bc girl...
    - I wanted to heal and understand my feelings
    - I wanted to see a book with someone like me as the main character
    - I wanted to create a love interest unlike any I'd ever seen, better...the best. ETHEN SUPREMACY!
    - I wanted a book that actually showed what it's like to be traumatized by men and showed it's consequences without praising a "not all men" ideology    - I wanted to create a romance that would comfort me and make me feel that heart wrench when I read it, which had never really happened to me with any other    - I wanted more representation of what's it's like being a girl and a woman
    - I'm sure there's more but I'm brain-dead rn


    I've had clear goals since I realized I wasn't just writing because I was bored anymore. I wanted to bring people comfort. I wanted those people who felt like me, for either reason stated above, that they weren't alone. That they deserved to be loved, too. That they weren't weak. That I saw them.
    I wanted to give representation to those who felt like they didn't have any. I wanted those who felt alone since forever to feel appreciated when reading my books and feel like they weren't as alone as they've felt all this time.
    Another reason is, I've always considered myself somewhat unlovable. It obviously always made me suffer, and I wanted to be loved so badly I decided to create a universe where I would be. It always felt like everyone around me cared for each other and I was somehow always left out, one way or another. I wanted to create a world I could run to when I felt like that, where someone would love me more than anything and anyone and make it obvious. I wanted someone to love me, to hear me, to understand me, and I wanted that so badly I decided to created someone who would. And, obviously, it became more than that over time.
    I keep repeating I want my books to bring people comfort when reading them, but as much as writing them brought me so much more than I could ever imagine. It brought me a lot, both good and bad.
    Here's what I said when I made a video about it:
"My Roman Empire is how writing my books both healed and destroyed me. I know what I want and what I expect from this life now, I know what can make me happy and l have standards for the way others treat me now, but l don’t believe in love the way I used to. I don’t think I will find my perfect match because I no longer believe in soulmates, and I truly believe no one will ever love me the way my characters love each other, because I’m not sure anyone sees love the way I do. I had to accept that I would very probably end up alone when my entire life has been centered around/about romance. All I have left to do is exist, and keep on writing so l can live vicariously through my characters."
    My life was all about romance before these books. Writing them made me realize I have never ever felt like that for anyone and probably never will. The ability to feel romantic feelings is a mystery to me, but even if I set that aside, I realized I would for sure end up alone, so I had a hard time, and it took me months, but I accepted it, even after spending my whole life dreaming about it. Writing my books destroyed the way I see things and what I thought was important to me, it made me learn things about myself, it made me realize I wanted to either be loved entirely or not at all, either the way Ethen and Andrea love each other or nothing. And I knew a love like that was not something I would be granted. And even if I were granted such a thing, I also know now, thanks to my books and the way I wrote my own character, that I would never be able to trust another human being as much as they trust each other. I will never give anyone the power to make me miserable because I don't trust humans or their ability to love deeply. Real love only exists in art, because we humans are good at creating it for others to see, not at experiencing it. And if no one is capable of loving properly, then what's the point?

    Writing my main character based on me, my personality, my humour, my anger, my trauma, my fears, my beliefs, my dreams and so on, it made me realize just who I truly am and how much I've learned about myself through her. I realized I'm very angry, sort of funny, that I'm not as healed or as okay as I convince myself to be, that I'm playful, that I want to be loved more than I'd like, that I like attention, that I want to be someone favorite person more desperately than I had imagined (I also realized I had three beauty marks that form a line on my face while writing chapter 106 like...huh).

    I realized that, I'm strong, but she's stronger, that she can be loved but maybe I can't, that she's kinder than me and more intelligent than me and more deserving than me. Accepting I wrote a version of myself I want to be rather than am was hard, but it made me realize I could be better if I truly wanted to be, and she was the one I wanted to resemble.


    That's about all, to be honest. I might add a few things later by making another post, but it's almost 1am as I'm making this and I want to go to bed and dream about being famous, so hope that was clear! <3



Rea

 Well! Welcome to my blog, I guess.

I don't want to take this too seriously, I just want my readers to be able to see who I really am more easily and be able to interact, to be able to share more of my writing without making my books longer and without having to make it expensive, and I want to share my thoughts and the way I see things with you!

Hope you'll stick around<3