Sangay Glass's Blog - Posts Tagged "date"

I hear it all the time, "I'm pretty. Why can't I get a date?"

When I was twenty-nine, I asked the same question. I had a good job, my own apartment, and I was pretty.

I was pretty lonely, too. My friends had significant others. Some had kids. The ones who didn't were dragging me down with unhealthy options, clubs, and lots of drinking.

Since I worked most of my life with men, I asked, "What is wrong with me?" My male coworkers, being brutally honest, told me I was unapproachable. They'd seen guys interested in me, but that I was curt, had an attitude, and was outright rude.

Yeah, because I didn't like them and wanted them to disappear. Yup, that's what I projected, only it had become my default face—a defense against all guys.

I guess at some point, I just got tired of being hit on and unknowingly kept that sour puss up like a wall. I needed an attitude adjustment.

Like everything in my life, I go all in or nothing. I became acutely aware of my "look" and toned it down. I decided to date anyone who asked. I was open to anything, even if they weren't my cup of tea mentally or physically.

It was a game-changer. I had dates seven nights a week and actually started a calendar.

I made rules. I made it a thing not to get intimate, just go on actual dates, cheap dates. I'd tell them, somewhere public. Their choice. No alcohol. I'd meet them there. I set age limits no more or less than ten years. And if I seriously had a bad gut feeling, I listened.

It's amazing what happens when you loosen up. I met guys while walking, shopping, doing laundry, and waiting at traffic lights.

I found myself trying new things and revisiting old past times. Several guys took me fishing on piers and beaches because I lived on the Jersey Shore. One took me to a pool hall (not a bar), and another even took me to a farmers' market. Given the rules, the guys were pretty creative.

Their choices also helped me get to know them because we were going places where they were comfortable. I got to see them at their best, which, by the way, always makes people more attractive.

The thing is, it's much more challenging than you think to approach a pretty girl.

First, we intimidate them with our looks. Oh, she must be taken. She's out of my league and won't like me. She's surrounded by friends. Nobody wants to be shot down in front of a crowd.

Then, when a guy shows interest, we unconsciously judge them, which shows on our faces.Oh, he's not my type. He's wearing a sports shirt and I hate sports. It doesn't matter. Be nice, plaster that smile, and say yes.

Not hot or cute? You may find he's so fun and sweet that he ascends the heat index each time you meet.

Empathize a moment. Imagine approaching a guy you like and being worried you'll get shot down or make them feel uncomfortable as if you're a creep. This is what guys go through.

You can change the way they see you when you're approachable. Guys really respond positively to your eye contact and not shrinking away. Without a sour puss that says, I'm not interested because you look homeless. Hint: he may have just gotten off work or did something cool like volunteer trail work. Don't judge and mentally discount them. It shows!

Next, work on yourself. Stop hanging out to look for guys. Do stuff you love alone. Go to the movies, go to museums, go hiking. The endorphins you raise by enjoying your life will be reflected in your smile, your pheromones, your availability, and your openness. This independence and confidence in being alone makes you more attractive to the right men.

You will attract men, more so, the right men.

Why alone? Groups of women are intimidating, and you're likely doing what they want to do, such as going to clubs or places to meet guys or, if married, doing things with their spouse.

Start dating—real dating, not two dates and S3X or making out for hours. Yeah, it's fun, but you're not talking. You'll have learned nothing.

You might go through twenty or even 50 dates until you finally connect. But if you do this right, neither of you has invested in anything, not emotionally or sexually.

You can't find love until you love yourself, is not only a meme, it's a fact!

I wish you the best on your journey and would love to hear from you when you start!