Randy Alcorn's Blog

This season has involved a lot of remembrance for me: I shared about my dear friend John Kohlenberger recently, who died 10 years ago. This Wednesday, October 8, is the 44th anniversary of the death of my precious mother, Lucille Vivian Tovrea Alcorn. Hardly a day goes by where I don’t think of her and thank God for her. (October 8 is also the 33rd anniversary of my friend Jerry’s death; I’ll share about him in my next blog.)

The picture above is of Mom from the Dalles High School yearbook. An old friend of my mom’s dropped it by my house years ago.

This is a repost of a tribute to my mom I shared in 2009:

I want to share a video about my precious mother, Lucille Alcorn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YVAev6hK7w

This year in October (2009) it will be twenty-eight years since my mom died of cancer. Our Angela was only four months old then, so while Mom held Angie and fawned over her and loved her dearly, Angie wasn't old enough yet to understand what had happened. I think how wonderful it will be one day for Angie and her grandmother to get to know each other.

The night Mom died, both Nanci and I wrote letters to our oldest daughter Karina, who was then two-and-a-half and who loved my Mom and connected with her in a way that defies words. (She spent every Monday with Mom at her place, the house I grew up in, and it was the highlight of Karina's week; Mom would read to her Bible stories and kids books and play with her hour after hour, with complete delight.)

Here's what I wrote:

My dearest Karina,

I’ve just read your mother’s letter to you about Grandma Alcorn. It’s now 3:30 a.m., a funny time to be writing you. But I’ve been home from Grandpa’s just a little while.

As soon as I came home, about 3:00, I went right to your bedroom to wake you up. I thought you should know Grandma had died. You were so tired, and your eyes kept rolling back as I sat you up in my lap. Finally I knew you were awake, and I asked you, “Karina, do you know where Grandma Alcorn is right now?”

I was sure the answer would be “no.” Or maybe you’d say “in bed” since Grandma has been on her sickbed several months. But immediately, without any hesitation, you smiled and said, “Yes, Daddy—she’s in Heaven.”

A wave of electricity went through me. You knew with absolute certainty. There wasn’t a hesitation or a doubt. Maybe Jesus whispered it to you in your sleep. Perhaps He let Grandma send a special message to you from Heaven. But in any case, you knew exactly where Grandma was.

For several minutes I hugged you tight on your bed, and cried very hard. Everything your mom said in her letter about Grandma was true. You always had the most special times when you were with her.

I, too, ache because you had so little time together. Yet I marvel at how close you were in that time. If Grandma sees you as you grow up (I suspect the Lord will let her), she will be so proud. More than anything she would want you to love Jesus with all your heart, and to serve Him always.

Karina, you are God’s gift to me. I love you and your baby sister more than any father has ever loved his daughters. I pray that you and Angela will grow up to be as wonderful as your mom and your grandma.

As I write these things, tears are flowing down my face. How thankful I am to our loving God for giving me such a special family.

I love you, sweetheart.

Daddy

I’ll never forget the smile on Karina’s face at 3:00 a.m. that dark night when I woke her up to give her what you’d think would have been devastating news. But Karina immediately and accurately grasped something few people do—that she had every reason to be happy for her grandmother. She was not smiling because she didn’t understand. She was smiling precisely because she did understand.

She knew her grandmother was with the Person she was made for in the place she was made for. Karina literally believed—not just in her head but in her heart—everything we’d told her about Heaven.

Though she would miss her grandmother greatly, she understood that this wasn’t the end of their relationship, but only an interruption. She knew her grandmother was in Heaven, and that she would one day join her there.

Thank you for everything, Mom. I can't imagine having had a better Mom than you. I so look forward to seeing you again in that place where our gracious God will wipe away the tears from every eye.

Also see my post Grieving the Death of Your Mom, with Hope, for more memories I share and also a video from GriefShare about remembering and grieving moms.

Recommended Reading Grieving with Hope In Light of Eternity

Spurgeon wrote in his classic Morning and Evening devotional: 

Many can only say of Jesus that they hope they love him; they trust they love him; but only a poor and shallow experience will be content to stay here. No one ought to give any rest to his spirit till he feels quite sure about a matter of such vital importance. We ought not to be satisfied with a superficial hope that Jesus loves us, and with a bare trust that we love him.

The old saints did not generally speak with “buts,” and “ifs,” and “hopes,” and “trusts,” but they spoke positively and plainly. “I know whom I have believed,” saith Paul. “I know that my Redeemer liveth,” saith Job.

Get positive knowledge of your love of Jesus, and be not satisfied till you can speak of your interest in him as a reality, which you have made sure by having received the witness of the Holy Spirit, and his seal upon your soul by faith.

True love to Christ is in every case the Holy Spirit’s work, and must be wrought in the heart by him. He is the efficient cause of it; but the logical reason why we love Jesus lies in himself.

Why do we love Jesus? Because he first loved us.

Why do we love Jesus? Because he “gave himself for us.” We have life through his death; we have peace through his blood. Though he was rich, yet for our sakes he became poor. 

Why do we love Jesus? Because of the excellency of his person.

We are filled with a sense of his beauty! An admiration of his charms! A consciousness of his infinite perfection! His greatness, goodness, and loveliness, in one resplendent ray, combine to enchant the soul till it is so ravished that it exclaims, “Yea, he is altogether lovely” (Song 5:16) 

( September 3 morning entry )

Spurgeon also said, “I had rather be blind and deaf and dumb, and lose my taste and smell, than not love Christ. To be unable to appreciate him is the worst of disabilities, the most serious of calamities. It is not the loss of a single spiritual faculty, but it proves the death of the soul.”

Biblical Christianity is not simply a religion about Christ but a relationship with Christ. So how can we grow that relationship so that our love for Him increases? Spurgeon rightly observes that “True love to Christ is in every case the Holy Spirit’s work.” Yet we are also to put in the effort in partnership with the Spirit. Scripture says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). That puts the ball in our court and shows us there are some things we can do:

Set aside time every day to spend with the Lord—reading His Word, praying, listening to Him.
Read books that draw on the power of Scripture. Feed your heart and your mind.
Listen to sermons, worship music, and Scripture as you go about your day-to-day activities such as driving or doing the dishes.
Fellowship with other Christians within the church, the body of Christ.
Turn off the distractions in your life, whether that’s social media, the internet, television, etc.

In order to have a close relationship with anyone, first and foremost, you must spend time with them. Over the years of our marriage, in order to have a close relationship with Nanci—which I desired to have—I needed to spend time with her. The same thing is true with our children. When we were raising our girls, how did I show my love for them? I spent time with them! And I don’t regret a single moment spent with them. Could I have written more books if I hadn’t spent time with them? Of course! Would those books have been worth it in God’s sight or in mine? Of course not! And now with our grandchildren, there’s simply no substitute for spending time with them. That’s how you get to know them and draw close to them. (If they are at a distance, show your love by texting or calling or visiting them!)

Your relationship with Jesus will only grow as you spend time with Him—not only as you talk to God, but also as you listen to Him. The Lord promises His word will not return to Him empty without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it. He will accomplish that purpose in your life. Open up your life and your heart to the Word of God and He will draw you to Himself (James 4:8). Think of Christ as your mentor and your best friend, as well as your Savior and Lord.

“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory” (1 Peter 1:8).

Recommended Reading Face to Face with Jesus Happiness (softcover) It's All About Jesus

“Find yourself” is common advice. But in the end, people who follow it find only ugliness, brokenness, and unhappiness. They pursue dreams, and find nightmares.

I don’t need to find myself. I do need to go to God’s Word. It will act as a mirror to show me my true reflection, one very different than what I would like to see. Scripture tells me that I’m a sinner, and that sin brings death. Sin, the original killer of happiness, is not my solution; it’s my problem. Eden was paradise, but sin ended paradise. What it didn’t destroy was the deep-seated awareness that we were made for the happiness only God can give.

The sinful self is destined to be an unhappy self. The miserable man searching for happiness needs to see his true condition—he is a sinful man desperate to be transformed. The quest to be himself is a false quest. He is himself already, and that’s his most fundamental problem.

You cannot find yourself in sin. Or rather, the self you find is not the self you truly want to be. Misery can actually be a kindness to us if it shows us our true condition while by God’s grace, we can still do something about it.

People often say, “I’m tired of living up to other people’s expectations. I need to be who I am.” Ironically, who I am is not the solution; it’s the problem. When you are a sinner, “Be true to yourself” is bad advice. (Those who speak to inmates in prison do not proclaim, “Be yourself”! What they need is to become someone different.)

You are yourself already. How’s that been working for you? Allie Beth Stuckey puts it this way: “If the self is the source of our depression or despair or insecurity or fear, it can't also be the source of our ultimate fulfillment.”

Finding myself is not the solution. Only losing myself in finding Christ is the solution. The good news is that God came into the world to save you from yourself and transform you into a new person.

C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity:

The more we get what we now call “ourselves” out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become.

…It is no good trying to “be myself” without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact, what I so proudly call “Myself” becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call “My wishes” become merely the desires thrown up by my physical organism or pumped into me by other men’s thoughts or even suggested to me by devils...

Until you have given up your self to Him you will not have a real self. …Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

Recommended Reading God's Promise of Happiness Happiness (softcover)

I’m reposting this blog in honor of the 10-year anniversary of my friend John’s homegoing. I love (not just loved, he is more alive than ever) this brother very much. Some of you knew John; others knew of him. His life and story are worth knowing.

I’m writing an unusually long blog in honor of an old and precious friend.

On September 29, 2015 John R Kohlenberger III went home to be with Jesus, after a thirteen-year battle with cancer.

John, a gifted scholar, wrote many biblical language reference works. (To get a sense of his academic accomplishments, see this page).

When he was first diagnosed, John wasn’t expected to live more than a few years. But God gave him thirteen. They weren’t easy on him or his family, but God used them for great good.

John and I met when we were both very young Christians. He told me he was afraid that because he’d done drugs before his conversion, his mind might be permanently damaged. Since he became one of the greatest intellects I’ve known, and a world-class expert in Hebrew and Greek, I used to kid him that if his mind was damaged I’d hate to have seen it undamaged!

One time when John shared his powerful testimony of being reached by the grace of Jesus, a young man said to him, “I wish I had your testimony.” John told him, “No you don’t.” He wanted people to trust Jesus without making the choices Jesus delivered him from. Since we’d both grown up in homes without Christ, we used to tell our friends to be grateful they grew up in Christian families.

Because he was an accomplished guitar player, I asked John to lead music in a Junior High Group I was leading in 1973. It was fun working together, and soon I was asking John to teach the group. John and I went through Bible college and seminary together, talking and praying and reading and discussing God’s Word. It was my privilege to be best man at his wedding, and he was one of my groomsmen. That was forty years ago. While in seminary, we’d have marathon ping pong games as we talked about Scripture and life. John and I enjoyed each other’s humor, and we kidded each other as the best of friends do. 

Nanci’s and my wedding. The second guy from me is John Kohlenberger, the second from Nanci is John’s wife Carolyn.

My groomsmen, with John at the lower right. May 31, 1975 On my other side is Jerry Hardin, who I’ve written of elsewhere.

If you’re older, you know how it goes—life changes, you get busy with your kids and work and you end up in different churches, and then you don’t spend as much time with some of your old friends as you used to. Over a period of years where John and I didn’t see much of each other, we would connect most summers at the Christian Booksellers Convention (now ICRS), where we would walk the floor together. We’d make smart-aleck comments and inside jokes at some of the odd things displayed at the convention, introduce each other to friends, catch up and tell stories and reminisce. We would laugh and laugh.

At one convention, John asked me to go with him to a private luncheon honoring John Stott. John was invited, and at his request, I crashed the party. John and I were the only guys there not in coat and tie, neither of us was even close, especially me. But John Stott, a British pastor-scholar full of grace, whose books had a powerful influence on me, shook our hands and spoke with us warmly  nonetheless, something we both treasured.

Years later, when John K. couldn’t make it to ICRS, I sent him this photo from the floor. We had a good laugh. I told John it was much cheaper for his publisher to make a cardboard image of him and ship it to the convention than to send him. It was a treat to pose with cardboard JRKIII.

Another year when John couldn’t be there because of health, I called him and we talked for an hour and a half as I described what was going on there and who said to say hi to him. It didn’t seem right to be at the convention without him present.

Even when our contact was once a year, my heart was always strong for John, I rejoiced to see and hear his name and learn of his accomplishments. Thinking of him always brought a smile to my face.

While John was fighting cancer, we joined him and Carolyn in their home, and had a wonderful time with them and his friends from church who served with him on the worship team. Seeing their love for him and his for them was really moving.

About ten years ago Nanci and I went to a Passover dinner beautifully conducted by John at Powell Valley Covenant Church, the church we’d attended many years earlier, where Nanci and I grew up, where Carolyn and I came to Christ, and John helped me work with Junior High kids. What a wonderful evening.

I walked miles with John at some cancer Relays for Life, one of which he personally walked over 26 miles. I saw repeatedly his warm interactions with many people he’d come to know through his disease. I saw how his daughter Sarah and son Josh loved and supported their dad. Carolyn told Nanci last week how close John was to his granddaughters, and that four-year-old Ella was really going to miss him.

Relay for Life 

I’ll never forget a lunch in Gresham in John’s honor, perhaps eight years ago, where we were joined by three of our old friends, Larry Gadbaugh, Jim Swanson and Mike Petersen. Larry, also one of my groomsmen and in the photo above, met John before he came to Christ, and couldn’t get over the transformation.  Jim worked with John on various original language projects with Ed Goodrick, our old Greek teacher from Multnomah Bible College. Mike saw John daily for years when JRKIII worked in an office on the Petersen property. The five of us enjoyed a wonderful meal, full of grace and truth and laughter. John gave us various books he’d produced over the years. It was so rich.

Every time I exchanged emails with John asking him about Hebrew and Greek issues, the benefit wasn’t just the excellent info, but touching base with my friend. Seeing the presence of Jesus in his life really inspired me.

John and his family lived an amazing journey these last thirteen years. Carolyn stood by him and supported him, as did Sarah and Josh, in beautiful ways. John told me that while he’d kept himself away from people in the past, suddenly with his diagnosis he found himself constantly in doctors’ offices, hospitals, experimental treatment programs, and support groups, and gathering with people at his church.

John and I shared the lessons of life we’d each learned from our adversity, mine the lesser ones of insulin-dependent diabetes, abortion clinic lawsuits and job loss; his the greater one, of facing the prostate cancer that finally took his life.

We discussed that we’re going to live forever. So why wouldn’t we live each day in light of the world to come? Both of us wanted to spend a good deal of the rest of our lives here passing on to others what we learned.

We’d both become more acutely aware than ever that every day is a gift and an opportunity, that our days are numbered. And God has a purpose in them. We discussed how we don’t have to feel desperate about the fact that we’re going to die someday—we are going to live forever! We encouraged each other to use our remaining time here to do what will make a difference for eternity. We talked about Heaven and the New Earth, and more recently talked about finding happiness in Christ.

By dealing with his cancer, John told me he learned to be authentic and honest. “It’s much easier for me now to touch someone I don’t know and pray for them,” he said. John reached out to others in need and found it rewarding. And though years earlier he could never have imagined such a thing, this lifelong scholar, once with reclusive inclinations, said to me, “You know what I’d really enjoy doing? Becoming a chaplain and helping people deal with cancer.”

John is in the acknowledgments of my new book Happiness—he, along with his friend and mine Jim Swanson, was a big help with the original languages. Little did I know that the book would come out two days before his death.

John and Carolyn Kohlenberger were among those to whom I dedicated my book If God Is Good. In that book, with his permission, I told his story of what he had learned in his suffering. That doesn’t minimize or glorify my friend’s pain, or his family’s, but it does show some of God’s purpose in it (see 2 Corinthians 1:3–7).

John shared with me some wonderful words he wrote about suffering, which I saved. I was deeply touched, and still am, as I read them:

Not just putting on a brave face.

I wish I went through the last six years again. I see the good that has happened.

The growth in relationship I wouldn’t have known.

The perspective and how hard life was—not the luxury of being able to be contemplative.

We either party or we whine.

Had to deal with evil and suffering with people of privilege who have.

I would sound more authentic than before.

Perfectionistic father, not measure up, worthless well, why me? No, who cares?

John’s perspective no longer brutal.

I don’t believe God is any less good than I did before.

It’s much easier for me now to touch someone I don’t know and pray for them.

Chaplain-esque. Wanting to help people now.

Do I do long-term planning? Or not?

Narcissism fighting, it’s not all about me.

Health and wealth gospel is a pyramid scheme that feeds the prosperity of those at the top.

God will turn the pyramid on its head.

John was and is a unique soul, different than any person I’ve ever known. There was in him, at times, a pain and sadness, and a self-doubt that some people didn’t understand. But I knew him as far more than a scholar or brilliant intellect. He was a brother with an immense capacity for humor and enjoyment. He had a relational warmth we enjoyed together, as he did with those who knew him best. As our mutual friend Mike Petersen said, “I’m really going to miss that brother.” Me too.

While I mourn for his dear family, including his grandchildren, I am thrilled for him that he is now experiencing unbridled delight—he has entered into his Master’s happiness.

I love you, John, my brother and friend. I look forward to joining you in the presence of our Savior, and walking the New Earth together!

Here’s a five-minute video where John and Carolyn both spoke, along with their son Josh and daughter Sarah, and they sing the praises of Providence hospital in Portland and their care for him. 

Here’s a tribute to John by Stan Gundry, who knew John and his remarkable gifts, and worked with him in publishing.

Recommended Reading Grieving with Hope

Rape is so horrible that when a pregnancy results, we easily transfer our horror to the wrong object. Yet we must not let the ugliness of rape or incest reflect upon either the innocent woman or the innocent child (who is not a stain to be blotted out or a cancer to be removed, but a living human being). Certainly, we must punish the rapist. But let’s not punish the innocent child in our rage against the perpetrator. (Sadly, 75% of Americans support abortion in cases of rape.)

Rape is never the fault of the child. If you found out today that your biological father had raped your mother, would you feel you no longer had a right to live? Should you go to jail for your father’s crimes? Likewise, why should Person A be killed because Person B raped Person A’s mother?

Check out this powerful reminder from prolife speaker Anne Farrens that you can’t tell someone’s story by looking at them:

Anne shares more about her and her mom’s story in this Instagram reel.

She writes:

Growing up in a society that calls me "a constant reminder", "an exception", and "the product of a crime" was extremely difficult. The shame I felt was isolating and convinced me I was different in the worst possible way—and that my difference made me unworthy.

That shame lost its power when I spoke it out loud. I share my story to challenge our culture of exceptions and to stand for children conceived in violence and their brave mothers.

Anne says, “Abortion doesn't undo the trauma of rape—it brings more sorrow and suffering. Grace can come from brokenness; my life is the ultimate example.”

Anne took part in a Live Action discussion with several other people whose mothers were raped, but chose life despite pain and the pressure to abort:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygVpeO4jYn8

I encourage you to download (without cost) my short book Pro-Choice or Pro-Life: Examining 15 Pro-Choice Claims—What Do Facts & Common Sense Tell Us?  It will equip you in your conversations and also is a great book to share with those who are pro-choice or are on the fence. The book is also available in print from our ministry for an affordable price. 

Recommended Reading Pro-Choice or Pro-Life?

Years ago in the Midwest, a woman was looking for a way to reach out. She made contact with a death-row prison ministry, and began writing to a man named Durlyn who’d been convicted of horrible crimes. 

For years she witnessed to this man, but never met him until sixteen years went by, and Durlyn’s execution was scheduled—for November 19, 1997. She felt it was time then for her and her husband to make the ten-hour drive to meet him.

Their visit was powerful. Durlyn told them that when he first received her letters, he was determined to remain a hardened criminal. But God used her diligence and love, along with other Christians He brought into his life, to soften Durlyn’s heart and draw him to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

She’d sent him a copy of my novel Dominion. In his thank-you letter to her he’d written, “Once it gets to the part about the Lord and Heaven and what all takes place, your mind just opens up. Being at home with God and His angels, that’s a lot to think about.”

Durlyn told her he stopped reading Dominion when he got to the part about God showing one of the characters around in Heaven and telling her, “This is all yours.” Durlyn wanted to save this last part of the book to read the day before he was executed. In so many ways, he said, the book seemed to have been written just for him.

She contacted me to ask if I would write Durlyn a letter. This is what I wrote:

Dear Durlyn,

I’m glad our Lord has spoken to you through Dominion, and above all I’m delighted you’ve come to know Jesus.

None of us deserves God’s grace—if we deserved it, we wouldn’t need it. Despite our complete unworthiness, He offers us the gift of eternal life, based on His death for our sins on the cross. It’s an awesome thing to realize God has seen us at our worst and still loves us.

No matter what sins we’ve committed, Durlyn, I know that if we’ve both repented and accepted Christ’s gift of eternal life, we are brothers and will see each other again on the other side. I look forward to meeting you there.

I have a request for you. My mother, a devoted follower of Christ, died sixteen years ago. My father was very hostile to the gospel. After years of saying “no” to God he accepted Christ as his Savior five years ago, at the age of 84. Dad died in February, at 89, and my family and I were with him when he made the exodus from this world to the next. In fact, Dad’s birthday — his 90th—is November 19th.

So, Durlyn, since you’re scheduled to die that day, I’d like to ask you to give my Mom and Dad a hug for me, and say Happy Birthday to Dad. I suspect they’re seeing a lot of what’s going on here, but please tell them I love them and can’t wait to see them again.

And when you talk with our Lord, even though He knows this and everything else, tell Him how much I love and how much I look forward to seeing Him face to face. I tell Him that myself, but if you wouldn’t mind passing on the message, I’d appreciate it.

I’ve marked my calendar and will be praying for you between now and the 19th. I look forward to meeting you, brother. It won’t be long before we’re both living in the world for which we were made.

Your friend,

Randy Alcorn

Yes, Durlyn, you were right—for those of us still waiting to join you there, our future in Heaven offers so much to think about. How thankful I am to God for what He’s already revealed to us about it.

Recommended Reading Dominion The Grace and Truth Paradox

While my book Heaven centers on the New Earth, the eternal Heaven, we often receive questions about what it’s like for believers who die now and go to the present Heaven (what theologians call the “intermediate state,” a transitional period between life on Earth and the future resurrection to life on the New Earth). A reader asked me, “In your book you state that when a Christian dies part goes to the grave and part goes to the feet of Jesus Christ. Where can I find that in the Bible?”

Jesus told the dying thief on the cross, “Today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). The apostle Paul said that to die was to be with Christ (Philippians 1:23), and to be absent from the body was to be present with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8). After their deaths, martyrs are pictured in Heaven, crying out to God to bring justice on Earth (Revelation 6:9-11).

I share more in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXLt3uao8vA

I mentioned the analogy of someone stepping outside a room, and how they’ve simply changed locations, not ceased to exist. In my book Heaven, I included a story about five-year-old Emily Kimball, which over the years, readers have told me has helped them and their loved ones:

When Emily was hospitalized and heard she was going to die, she started to cry. Even though she loved Jesus and wanted to be with him, she didn’t want to leave her family behind. Then her mother had an inspired idea. She asked Emily to step through a doorway into another room, and she closed the door behind her. One at a time, the entire family started coming through the door to join her. Her mother explained that this was how it would be. Emily would go ahead to Heaven and then the rest of the family would follow. Emily understood. She would be the first to go through death’s door. Eventually, the rest of the family would follow, probably one by one, joining her on the other side.

The analogy would have been even more complete if the room that Emily entered had had someone representing Jesus to greet her—along with departed loved ones and Bible characters and angels. Also, it would’ve helped if the room she walked into was breathtakingly beautiful, and contained pictures of a New Earth, vast and unexplored, where Emily and her family and friends would one day go to live with Jesus forever.

As painful as death is, and as right as it is to grieve it (Jesus did), we on this dying earth can rejoice for our loved ones who are already in the presence of Christ. When they die, those covered by Christ’s blood are experiencing the joy of His presence. (Scripture clearly teaches that there is no such thing as “soul sleep,” or a long period of unconsciousness between life on Earth and life in Heaven. The phrase “fallen asleep” in 1 Thessalonians 4:13 and similar passages describes the body’s outward appearance at death.)

As Paul tells us, though we naturally grieve at losing loved ones, we are not to “grieve like people who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Our parting is not the end of our relationship, only an interruption. We have not “lost” them, because we know where they are.

And one day, we’re told, in a magnificent reunion, they and we “will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words” (1 Thessalonians 4:17-18).

Recommended Reading 50 Days of Heaven (Special Edition) Grieving with Hope Tell Me About Heaven

I read comments from someone who thought they had the gift of discernment and lamented that no one talks much about this spiritual gift. I agree that it’s often avoided. This might be in part because many spiritual gifts, such as teaching, giving, encouraging, and serving, seem simpler to understand. And it might be in part because this is a sensitive subject to address with those who feel they have this gift, which is described in 1 Corinthians 12:10 as “the ability to distinguish between spirits.”

I have discovered that often, when people tell me they have the gift of discernment, instead of having a clear understanding of what biblical discernment refers to (distinguishing between what’s good and evil), they have total confidence their opinion is the correct one. Because they are identifying God as the source of their gift, their position, in their thinking, is unassailable. In essence, their opinion is God’s opinion.

Now, if that conclusion comes from careful study of the Word and consultation with wise brothers and sisters in Christ, they may have reason for some (though not total) confidence. But when they reason simply from their “gift of discernment,” I admit I am suspicious. In several cases, I have thought the person who says, “I have the gift of discernment” is like the person who says, “I’m always the smartest person in the room.”

The Danger of Pride

“Discernment” to some people means they know what is right and true, and most people don’t. Other Christians may have studied the Bible more, prayed more, and come to their conclusion after many more hours of thought and study and life experience, but this usually doesn’t concern the person who thinks they have the gift of discernment. Why? Because they believe that even without the research, prayer, discussions, and life experience, and with no skill at self-correction, God has given them the gift to know what is true and what is not. 

I’ve heard people mention that their gift of discernment often recognizes pride in other people. Personally, I have found that sometimes the one who is confident they have the gift of discernment may be most prone to pride. What can be more prideful than believing you can immediately and always see truth? (Obviously it’s possible to be humble or proud with any gift. I’ve just seen apparent pride more often with those certain they have the gift of discernment.)

To such people everything is black and white; there is no gray. These are often those who do not practice Romans 14–15, because issues such as what day to worship and whether or not to eat meat are already settled in their minds. They are on one side or the other. But the whole point of Romans 14–15 is there are people on both sides of some second- and third-level issues who can equally please God.

I cannot think of a single spiritual gift that people have told me they have more often than discernment. Not that I hear it all the time; maybe just a few times a year, but cumulatively I’ve heard many people say it. Who else is coming up and declaring that they have a particular gift, and therefore, we should take more seriously what they are saying? Shouldn’t we take what people say and evaluate it with biblical wisdom, whether or not they claim to have a particular gift of teaching, prophecy, word of wisdom, or discernment of spirits?

While Scripture is clear there is a gift of discernment of spirits, I also believe that some people dangerously assert that gift in order to assure themselves and others they are right while others are wrong.

When I am teaching, I would never feel right about saying, “I have the gift of teaching, so you should believe what I am saying.” (James 3:1 warns us: “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”) We should be wary if someone says, “I have the gift of exhortation or word of wisdom, therefore you should listen to me” or “I have the gift of giving, so my giving decisions and recommendations are always right.” Whatever our gifts, we can still be totally misguided—and even sinful—in our exercise of them.

Sometimes two people who claim the gift of discernment believe two radically different things. They are certain that a particular politician is of God, or of the devil. They know that a given Christian leader was a bright light from God, or that he was the devil incarnate, or at best a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Authentic, biblically-based discernment understands nuance and is capable of balance.

I don’t intend to be critical, and I certainly I believe there is a true gift of discernment. But in many years of discussions, I’ve come across dozens of people who have told me they have the gift of discernment, yet seem very undiscerning in their tendency to quickly, without discussion or compassion, condemn others, or to make every issue equally important or equally clear. 

The Danger of a Critical Spirit

Unfortunately, what some call a spirit of discernment might simply be a critical spirit. It becomes easy to take the spiritual high ground—judge and condemn and label and categorize people—because the “gift” entitles them to do so. Hence, the Bible’s warnings against unrighteously judging and condemning somehow don’t apply to them. Honestly (and I hate to say this), I have rarely met someone who says they have the gift of discernment who does not display a critical spirit. On the other hand, I can think of a number of people who I believe do have the gift of discernment, but they humbly demonstrate that discernment, rather than talking about it. Somebody with the gift of helps or mercy does not have to tell us they have it because their gifting is obvious through their actions and words.

All of us should examine our motives before confronting others and sharing our opinions. None of us get a pass from Scripture’s injunction to guard our hearts, be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to anger, and to not assume our motives for our judgments are always right (cf., Proverbs 4:23, James 1:19). 

The person who thinks they have the gift of discernment may or may not not think in biblical terms. When others don’t listen, it’s their fault for not recognizing that special gift. The “gifted” one just knows they are right and it’s their duty to straighten other people out. Ironically, what such a person lacks is true discernment. And sometimes what they possess is not so much discernment as the blindness and lack of self-awareness that goes with pride. But true wisdom and discernment are humble: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13).

Discernment and the Fruit of the Spirit

When I find myself critical of others, I have to remind myself not to be prone to quick and unfair judgment, and to give other people the benefit of the doubt. The truth is, just as we are all to serve God whether or not we have the specific gift of service, we should all practice God-honoring discernment. Believers are to “test everything; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21) and to have our “powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil” (Hebrews 5:14). God call us to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). 

I love to see people exercise true biblically-based discernment that displays the fruit of the Spirit. Anyone who feels they have the gift of discernment would do well to give their opinion, and make sure it is accompanied by evidence of quiet contemplation of Scripture and careful thought about the issue—always being open to the possibility that they may be wrong. Because all of us—whether or not we have the gifts we think we do—often are.

May God preserve us all from pride and enable us to use our gifts to glorify Him and build up His body.

Recommended Reading Face to Face with Jesus It's All About Jesus

Sometimes we make the foolish assumption that our heavenly Father has no right to insist that we trust Him unless He makes His infinite wisdom completely understandable to us. But if God offered us constant explanations for the circumstances we face, our lives would not be free or normal, and would not allow for faith or trust.

I think of my friend John Franklin, who was playing softball when he was then a healthy thirty-nine-year-old. John developed a headache and neck pain, so he took himself out of the game. By the time the game finished, he needed help walking.

Taken to the hospital, John became completely paralyzed and unable to speak. Soon he was breathing with a ventilator. John spent seven weeks in ICU and another four months in the hospital. He underwent speech therapy, then a few years of occupational and physical therapy. Now, many years later, John remains restricted to a wheelchair. Doctors never discovered why it happened.

John’s youngest son, six years old when his father became disabled, wrote me, “I remember always being so mad that God did this to him. One day I asked my dad why he wasn’t angry. He said, ‘Why should I accept good from God and not evil?’ I think my jaw dropped and at the time I was angry at him for saying that. But that experience has forever shaped my view of God and evil.”

This wonderful family has certainly seen God at work. But they still have no clear explanation of His purpose for John’s disability.

Consider what our lives would be like if God regularly explained to us why He allows everything that disappoints us.

Suppose you’re a teenage girl, sick on prom day. God could whisper, I let you get pneumonia so you wouldn’t bond with that young man who wouldn’t be right for you, and so your parents would go get you your favorite dessert, where they’ll see a help-wanted poster and tell you so you apply and get the job, and meet the girl who will become your best friend and help you twenty years from now when your husband gets cancer, and...

“Whoa! My husband? What’s he like? And why would you let him get cancer?”

In order to make you more Christlike and help you become more of a servant and...

“But I don’t want to be a servant. And cancer terrifies me!”

...and teach your husband to depend on me, and draw your children and grandchildren closer to you, and...

“I’ll have children and grandchildren? How many? Girls or boys? But how will they deal with their father’s cancer?”

Do you see where this is going? And it’s just one “simple” event. How could God explain His purposes without revealing to us the life He intends for us to live later, not now? And without imparting the grace that He will give us just when we need it, not in advance?

The God of providence weaves millions of details into our lives and into all the lives around us. Maybe He doesn’t have one big reason for bringing a certain person or success or failure or disease or accident into our lives; in fact, He may have hundreds of little reasons.

In order to understand God’s explanations, we would have to be God.

Recommended Reading 90 Days of God's Goodness If God Is Good (Paperback) The Goodness of God

In this YouTube short video, Sean McDowell explains that God’s limits are a sign of His power:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiHH_OEarF0

I love the way Sean McDowell thinks and communicates. When he spoke at our church, it was powerful, great for young and old alike. These are some supplementary thoughts that I would add to what he said in the video. Some of them make the same points, but I develop them differently and cite pertinent Scripture.

1. God cannot contradict His own character. 

Second Timothy 2:13 tells us that “he cannot deny himself.” Luke 1:37 says with God, nothing is impossible.

Back in the 1970s when I was a brand-new Christian, it was popular for people to ask questions like, “Can God create a stone so heavy that He cannot lift it? If not, then He is not all powerful, and if so, He is not all powerful. Therefore, if it is impossible, that contradicts Scripture.” To some it seemed convincing, but it was just a ridiculous self-contradiction that proved nothing at all. If God is all powerful, then of course He cannot create a stone so large He cannot lift it. That doesn’t prove anything negative about God; it just affirms His attributes do not violate His own nature.

2. God cannot lie.

Hebrews 6:18 says, “It is impossible for God to lie.”

All human morality is properly derivative of the character of God.  God is a truth teller; therefore, truth telling for humans is a virtue. As the embodiment of truth, God cannot deceive or contradict Himself. (It’s true that there are a few difficult passages related to God appearing to deceive people--one of those is sending a lying spirit to mislead Ahab, see this explanation.)

3. God cannot change. 

In Malachi 3:6 God declares, “For I am Yahweh, I do not change.”

The classic theological doctrine of God's immutability means He does not and cannot change. His nature, purposes, and promises are therefore absolutely dependable. This is a source of comfort, because God’s faithfulness remains constant. Otherwise, He could love us today, but in the future stop loving us.

4. God cannot be tempted and cannot sin.

James 1:13 says God “cannot be tempted by evil.”

Because God is holy and righteous, He cannot act against His moral nature.

5. God cannot be unjust.

Hebrews 6:10 says “God is not unjust.”

Justice is an integral part of God's character, so He cannot act unjustly or unfairly. This does not, of course, mean that He will never appear to be unfair to us. But the problem is, we are both fallen and finite, so we are not always in a position to accurately judge God's own justice and fairness.

6. God cannot fail and cannot break His promises.

Luke 1:37 is a wonderful comfort: “For no word from God will ever fail.” And Numbers 23:19 says, “Has he spoken, and will he not do it? Has he promised, and will he not fulfill it?”

God's plans and purposes will ultimately succeed. His sovereignty ensures that nothing can thwart what He intends to accomplish.

That's why I totally agree with what Sean McDowell says in this clip. God's limitations are not weaknesses, but rather, expressions of His perfect nature. 

Recommended Reading If God Is Good (Paperback)