Trina Read's Blog
March 30, 2026
5 Sex'perts Reveal the Surprising Secret to Feel Sexy at Any Age or Size
Here’s a lie we’ve all been sold. That sexy is something you look like.
It’s a size. An age. A specific outfit, lighting, or the right angle in the mirror. And if you don’t have those things, or you’ve lost them, or you never felt like you had them to begin with, then sexy is just not available to you right now.
That is complete nonsense.
Sexy is not a look. It’s a feeling. And feelings don’t come from the outside in. They come from the inside out. The problem is that most of us have spent so long looking outside ourselves for permission to feel attractive that we’ve completely lost touch with the part of us that already knows how.
So I asked five Sex’perts one question. What actually works? Not the surface-level stuff. The real, lasting, embodied kind of feeling sexy that doesn’t evaporate the moment you take off the lingerie or get a bad comment or catch yourself in a harsh light.
What they shared stopped me in my tracks.
Reclaim Sexy With Your GirlfriendsCaitlin’s answer might surprise you because it has almost nothing to do with a romantic partner.
For her, feeling genuinely sexy most often happens with her female friends. Getting dressed up together. Dancing. Doing makeup in the mirror and hyping each other up, even if they’re not going anywhere. That particular kind of feminine energy, women celebrating each other, is something she thinks is deeply underrated as a source of confidence and attraction.
As Caitlin puts it,
“I want to reclaim sexiness for the girls. I want my friends to feel sexy when they’re with me, and I feel sexy with them. I think that might be a life hack in terms of feeling attractive, sexy, and great in our bodies.”
There’s something about being truly seen and celebrated by other women that hits differently than any compliment from a partner. If you’ve let those friendships slide, this might be your sign to call your girls and make a plan.
Stop Performing. Start Inhabiting.Tilly goes straight to the root of why so many women feel disconnected from their own sexiness.
Her take? We’re performing sexy instead of actually feeling it. We’re chasing that quick hit from new lingerie, from a compliment, from someone’s attention. And those things feel good for a moment but they don’t last, because they’re coming from outside rather than within.
Real sexiness, Tilly says, is embodied. It comes from inhabiting yourself fully, knowing what you want, being present in your body instead of managing it from a distance. And you can’t force your way there. Pleasure and aliveness don’t respond to effort. They respond to safety and presence.
“Feeling sexy doesn’t come from what you put on your body or what you’re wearing. It actually comes from how deeply you inhabit your body.”
The practice she recommends is deceptively simple. Slow down, take a breath, and just ask yourself what’s actually here right now. Not what should you be feeling, but what are you actually feeling? Building that relationship with your own sensation is what makes sexiness something you carry with you everywhere, not something you have to go looking for.
See Yourself Through Desiring EyesLeah shares something personal here, a shift in perspective that genuinely changed how she sees herself.
She stopped looking at her body through her own critical eyes, and started imagining how she looked through the eyes of someone who truly desired her. Someone who found her luscious and gorgeous and wanted her. That simple reframe? It worked.
“When I started to see myself through the eyes of someone who desired me, I was suddenly gorgeous. But if I was looking at myself through my own eyes, I would pick myself apart.”
Her second tip is just as powerful. Drop into your five senses. Taste, sight, touch, smell, sound. Your senses are a fast track back into your body and out of your head. What’s the feeling on your skin right now? What do you smell? What’s the sound of your own breath? That kind of sensory check-in can shift you from analytical and disconnected to present and sensual in just a few minutes.
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Speaking of Feeling at Home in Your Body…My novel The Taboo Show is for every woman who has ever looked in the mirror and thought I used to feel more alive than this.
Four female friends walk into a taboo sex show and instead of steam, they get truth, laughter, and some very real self-reflection. It’s women’s fiction, funny, honest, a little provocative, and basically therapy but cheaper. It’s about friendship, not fantasy. And it might just be the conversation starter you didn’t know you needed.
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Find Your ShaktiDr. Willow brings a perspective that’s both ancient and completely practical.
She talks about Shakti, a Sanskrit word for sexual essence and energy, and her point is this. We’ve been taught to wait for someone else to ignite us, to turn us on, to make us feel alive. But that power has always been inside us. The work is learning to access it yourself.
For Dr. Willow, that starts with clearing the mind. Because when your head is full of noise, stress, to-do lists, self-criticism, you can’t feel anything in your body. She uses breathwork, movement, or chanting to drop out of her head and back into herself. From there, she taps into what she describes as Kundalini energy, that serpentine aliveness that rises up the spine.
“What’s actually really sexy, it doesn’t matter what body you’re in, what shape you’re in, or what form you’re in. What’s most sexy is a woman who can feel sexy in her body.”
The sexiness, she says, is always there. It’s just underneath the layers, the fatigue, the stress, the heavy weight of life. The practice is de-layering, not adding more on top.
Your Pelvic Floor Is Part of This TooJana brings something to this conversation that nobody else is talking about. And once you hear it, you can’t unhear it.
Feeling sexy in your body has a physical component that most women are completely unaware of. The pelvic floor. Those 14 muscles in three layers that live within your pelvis aren’t just about bladder control. They are directly connected to your capacity for pleasure, sensation, and yes, orgasm.
When those muscles are too tight, which Jana says is most of us thanks to years of being told to just do kegels, or too weak, the body literally can’t fully receive pleasure. You’re either chasing the feeling or too tense to let it land.
“Every single beating heart that lives in a woman’s body is able to orgasm. We just need to understand, and that’s where when I learned that 90% of pelvic floor dysfunction is a fitness issue and not a medical issue, it’s about getting oxygen-rich, nutrient-rich blood to the pelvic floor.”
The idea that this changes with age, that pleasure is just supposed to fade? Jana calls that exactly what it is. A crock. Your body is designed to serve you until your last breath. That includes your sensual and sexual life. Understanding the why, she says, is what lights women up and gets them taking action.
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What All Five Are Really SayingRead these five perspectives back and a single thread runs through all of them.
Feeling sexy is an inside job.
It’s not in the mirror. It’s not in a compliment. It’s not in a new outfit or the right lighting or finally losing those last ten pounds. It’s in how present you are in your own body, how well you know yourself, how willing you are to inhabit yourself fully, including the parts you’ve been taught to hide or fix or apologize for.
None of these experts are asking you to be different. They’re asking you to come back to yourself.
So pick one idea from this list. Just one. And start there.
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Want to keep going deeper? Grab your free copy of Unfiltered, Isabella’s Sex Columns, a cheeky, culturally sharp collection of 12 sex columns from Femme magazine’s boldest voice. From orgasm myths to sexual confidence and the psychology of pleasure, Isabella explores why women struggle, settle, fake it, and how we start telling the truth. Smart, sexy, and deeply human. This isn’t how-to sex advice. It’s why-we’re-like-this clarity.
Get Unfiltered, Isabella’s Sex Columns →
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Meet Our Featured Sex’pertsCaitlin V, Intimacy and Relationship Coach
Tilly Storm, Women’s Pleasure, Confidence, and Sexuality Coach
Leah Piper, Relationship and Intimacy Expert, Founder of More Love Works, Tantra and Somatic Coach, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Dr. Willow Brown, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, Taoist Sexology Expert, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Jana Danielson, Pelvic Floor and Perimenopause Expert, Founder & CEO of Cooch Ball
March 16, 2026
5 Expert Tips for Female Sexual Pleasure That Actually Work
The reason so many women feel disconnected from their own pleasure isn’t because something is broken. It’s because no one ever made it a priority. Not society, not sex ed, and honestly, not even a lot of women themselves.
That stops now.
I asked five Sex’perts one question. What’s your best tip for female sexual pleasure? And what came back wasn’t a list of techniques or positions. It was something much more interesting than that.
If you’ve been wanting to explore new territory in bed, start with our expert guide on how to ask for what you want
It Starts With Him Getting Out of His HeadA lot of female pleasure issues aren’t actually about the woman at all.
Caitlin flips the whole conversation. Instead of directing her advice at women, she talks about the pressure men put on themselves to perform, and how that pressure quietly sabotages the experience for both people in the room. When a man is stuck in his head, worrying about whether he’s lasting long enough or staying hard enough, he’s not actually with his partner anymore. He’s running worst-case scenarios on a loop. And that cycle feeds itself. The anxiety leads to problems, the problems create more anxiety, and suddenly nobody is having a good time.
The answer isn’t a trick or a technique. It’s presence. Slowing down. Breathing. Staying connected through eye contact instead of retreating into your own head.
“The more that we decrease the need to perform and the need to prove anything… the more we can come back to just being an individual person who has this body, who’s with this lover in this moment.”
When a man stops trying to prove something in bed and starts actually being there, the whole dynamic changes. And Caitlin believes that shift alone would eliminate most of the sexual challenges couples deal with.
Stop Chasing Pleasure and Start Feeling ItIf you’ve ever wondered why you can’t seem to feel more during sex, Tilly has an answer that goes way beyond the bedroom.
Most women were taught early on that their feelings were inconvenient. Too big. Too loud. Too messy. So they learned to push them down. They got really good at powering through the uncomfortable stuff and putting a lid on anything that felt like too much. The problem is that you can’t selectively numb. When you shut down your ability to feel the hard things, you also lose access to the good things. Pleasure included.
“Pleasure isn’t a destination, it’s a capacity.”
That reframe changes everything. So many women are trying to force pleasure to happen. They’re performing, pushing, efforting. But pleasure doesn’t work that way. It shows up when you feel safe enough to relax and actually receive what the moment is offering.
Tilly suggests a practice you can try right now. Slow everything down. Take a few deep breaths. Drop the intensity by about 30%. And then ask yourself one question, not “what should I be feeling?” but “what’s actually here right now?” When you build that kind of relationship with sensation in your everyday life, accessing pleasure when you want it becomes so much easier.
Slow Down. No, Even Slower Than ThatLeah’s advice sounds simple, and it is. But it’s the mistake almost everyone makes.
You’re going too fast. Not just a little too fast. Way too fast. The biggest error people make when trying to pleasure a woman is rushing straight to what Leah calls the primary erogenous zones. But arousal doesn’t work like a light switch. It builds slowly, and it starts at the edges.
Think about working from the outside in. Hold her hand. Trace the inside of her elbow. Get behind her knees. Run your fingers along her neck, down her side, along the curve of her hips. Wherever there’s a flexible joint, there’s an extra bundle of nerve endings. These secondary erogenous zones are what most people skip entirely, and they’re some of the most sensitive spots on the body.
“You want to arouse a woman from the extremities in… wherever there’s a flexible joint, there’s an extra bundle of nerve endings.”
When you take the scenic route instead of rushing to the destination, everything that follows feels amplified. Arousal actually has somewhere to go.
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Want to Take This Further?If this conversation is sparking something in you, grab a copy of the 5 Pleasure Secrets of Satisfied Couples Handbook. It’s free, and it’s one of the best starting points for understanding what actually drives satisfying intimacy in a long-term relationship.
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Find Your Own Fire FirstDr. Willow introduces a concept called Shakti, a Sanskrit word for sexual essence and energy. And her whole philosophy is built around one idea that most of us were never taught. Your pleasure is yours to discover. It’s not someone else’s job to create it for you.
Most women grew up believing that the right partner would just know how to turn them on. That great sex was about chemistry, compatibility, and hoping your partner figured it out. Dr. Willow says the opposite is true. The real work is learning what ignites you. Not just which spots on your body respond, but which sensations light you up from the inside.
And this is where it gets fun. Maybe it’s the feeling of something soft dragged across your skin. Maybe it’s a texture you’ve never even considered bringing into the bedroom.
“It’s really a wonderful opportunity to get creative… throw some coconut oil in the mix, my friends, because that is gonna make everything a lot more fun.”
Dr. Willow encourages women to treat their own pleasure like a curiosity project instead of a pass-fail test.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to start asking yourself better questions.
Your Pelvic Floor Is the Missing PieceJana brings something to this conversation that most women have genuinely never been told.
Your pelvic floor isn’t just something your physiotherapist mentions in passing. It’s made up of 14 muscles arranged in three layers, and it plays a direct, physical role in whether or not you can orgasm. During orgasm, those muscles need to rapidly contract and relax, anywhere from two to 32 times. If those muscles are too tight (which is common, often from years of over-kegeling) or too weak, the orgasm either can’t build or can’t fully release.
And the part that should make you angry? Jana learned that 90% of pelvic floor dysfunction is a fitness issue, not a medical one. That means it’s fixable. It’s about getting proper blood flow to those muscles. Not surgery, not medication, not “just accepting it.”
Yet so many women have been told that losing orgasms after 40 or 50 is just what happens. Jana calls that what it is. A myth that keeps women settling for less.
“Every single beating heart that lives in a woman’s body is able to orgasm. We just need to understand how.”
That’s not a motivational quote. That’s biology. And once women understand the why behind it, they take action fast.
Ready to Put Jana’s Advice Into Action?If Jana’s section hit home for you, the Cooch Ball is worth a look. It’s a simple, science-inspired pelvic floor tool designed to release tension, restore circulation, and wake up the muscles most women don’t even know need attention. No kegels, no squeezing, just 3 minutes a day, fully clothed. Over 100,000 women have used it to reclaim bladder control, better intimacy, and stronger sensation. Try the Cooch Ball now.
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The Thread That Connects All FiveEvery one of these experts said something different, but they’re all pointing in the same direction. Female pleasure isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you build.
You build it by being present. By feeling more instead of performing more. By slowing down. By getting curious about your own body. By understanding how pleasure actually works on a physical level. None of this is mysterious and none of it requires a perfect partner or a perfect moment. It just requires you to stop treating your own pleasure like an afterthought.
Pick one thing from this list. Just one. And start there.
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Meet Our Featured Sex’pertsCaitlin V, Intimacy and Relationship Coach
Tilly Storm, Women’s Pleasure, Confidence, and Sexuality Coach
Leah Piper, Relationship and Intimacy Expert, Founder of More Love Works, Tantra and Somatic Coach, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Dr. Willow Brown, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, Taoist Sexology Expert, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Jana Danielson, Pelvic Floor and Perimenopause Expert, Founder & CEO of Cooch Ball
March 2, 2026
5 Sex'perts Share Their Smartest Ways to Ask for What You Want in Bed
And that’s where most of us stall. We rehearse the words in our heads, we psych ourselves up, and then the moment comes and... nothing. We either say nothing at all, or we fumble through something that lands completely wrong and suddenly the mood is dead and someone’s feelings are hurt and you’re both lying there in the dark wondering what just happened.
Does this sound familiar?
Here’s the thing, you’re not bad at communication. You were just never taught how to do this specific kind of communication. Asking for what you want sexually is its own skill, and like any skill, it can be learned.
So I asked five brilliant Sex’perts for their most practical, most doable advice and what I got back was so good I had to share all of it. Because somewhere in here is the exact thing you’ve been missing.
Do Your Homework FirstBefore she became a coach, Caitlin V was a professional researcher. So it probably won’t surprise you that her first piece of advice is: start with research.
Not a PhD thesis. Not a 40-page deep dive. Just enough that when you bring something new to your partner, you actually understand what you’re asking for.
Here’s why this matters more than you think. Say you want to try rope play. There’s a version of that where you love the idea of being thrown around and grabbed. There’s another version where the appeal is total restraint. And there’s yet another where it’s the vulnerability of a precarious position. These are three completely different experiences that all fall under the same umbrella term.
If you walk into that conversation without knowing which version excites you, your partner has nothing concrete to say yes or no to. But when you show up prepared, you’ve created the best possible conditions for a real response. As Caitlin puts it:
“The more specific that you can be on how it’s done and what you like about it, the best context you’re going to make for someone being able to give you an enthusiastic and informed answer — whether that’s a yes or a no.”
Do the self-reflection. Know your why. Get specific. That’s where the magic lives.
Lead With “I,” Not “You”This one sounds simple, but the difference it makes is enormous.
Tilly’s advice centers around what she calls feminine communication — and it comes down to one rule: always speak from your own experience. Always use “I” statements. Never lead with “you.”
Here’s what that looks like in practice. Say your partner tends to rush, and you want things to slow down. The instinct might be to say something like: “Can you stop going so fast? You always rush and it turns me off.” Feel the weight of that. It’s a criticism. It puts your partner on the defensive before you’ve even gotten to the ask.
Tilly’s reframe? Try this instead:
“Hey honey, lately I have been noticing that I crave more slowness and connection in our intimacy — and I would love to explore what that would look like with you.”
Same desire. Completely different delivery. One closes a door; the other opens one.
Feminine communication isn’t about shrinking your desires or softening them into something barely recognizable. As Tilly explains, “it’s about asking in a way that doesn’t come off as criticism, judgment, or complaining.” Keep it vulnerable. Keep it warm. And — this is important — keep it playful. Sex is supposed to be fun. Nobody wants to play with someone who takes the game too seriously.
Get Out of the Bedroom to Talk About the BedroomThis is the one that surprises people most, but it makes complete sense once you hear it.
Leah’s advice? Don’t have the conversation in the bedroom.
The bedroom is charged. It carries expectations and vulnerability and sometimes performance anxiety. It’s not a neutral space. So when you try to ask for something new in the bedroom, you’re already fighting against all of that ambient pressure.
Instead, bring it up on the couch. On a walk. Over dinner. Somewhere low-stakes, somewhere the conversation can breathe. And when you do, Leah suggests phrasing it in a way that sets your partner up to feel good about responding:
“I’m really curious — I would love to try. What do you think about that?”
That framing matters. It sets your partner up to be curious and inspired rather than defensive and caught off guard. The goal is to make them feel like a collaborator, not like they’re being handed a complaint.
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Speaking of Starting Conversations…If these conversations feel overdue in your own life, my new book The Taboo Show might be exactly what you need.
It’s women’s fiction — not erotica, though your book club might blush anyway. Four female friends walk into a taboo sex show and instead of steam, they get truth, laughter, and some very real self-reflection. Think working moms meet Liane Moriarty, but with more heart and fewer perfect lives. It’s funny, honest, and a little provocative.
It’s about friendship, not fantasy. And it just might start the best conversation you’ve had in years.
Read The Taboo Show Now♦︎♦︎♦︎
Meet Them Where They AreWhat happens when you’re already in the moment and you realize something isn’t quite working?
Dr. Willow has a technique for exactly this, and she calls it a real art form.
The key is to never make your partner feel like they’re doing something wrong — even if they are. Start with appreciation first. As Dr. Willow coaches her clients:
“Always start with — I love what you’re doing right now, it feels so good. And then: I think I would be able to feel it even more if you went about half the speed and about half the pressure… and then if you just move your hand a little bit to the left.”
Notice what’s happening there. You’re not correcting them. You’re building on what they’re already doing and showing them a path to something even better. They feel appreciated, capable — and far more likely to actually follow your lead.
Never make them wrong. Always make them feel like they’re already most of the way there.
Know Your Own Body Before You Try to Describe ItJana gets at something the other experts don’t address directly: sometimes the block isn’t that we don’t know how to ask. It’s that we genuinely don’t know what to ask for.
And if that’s you, you’re not alone. A lot of women have spent years focused entirely on their partner’s experience, their own pleasure always secondary or afterthought. So when someone says “tell me what you want,” the honest answer is... I’m not entirely sure.
Jana’s solution is to create what she calls a pleasure map — an exploration of your own body that goes way beyond the obvious. As she discovered herself:
“I started creating this pleasure map in my body and it didn’t only mean hands on vulva — it meant I love the inside of my elbow being caressed, I realized I loved my calves being scratched.”
When you know your own body with that kind of clarity, you stop needing your partner to guess. You can tell them, confidently and specifically, what you want. And that opens up a whole other level of conversation — because when they see how clearly you can articulate your own desires, it gives them permission to do the same.
That’s where intimacy actually levels up.
The Thing All Five of Them Agree OnRead back through all five pieces of advice and a theme emerges:
Asking for what you want is never just about the ask.
It’s about the preparation you do beforehand. It’s about the language you choose. It’s about the timing and the setting and the tone. It’s about making your partner feel like a teammate rather than a suspect.
None of this is complicated. It’s just not stuff most of us were ever taught.
Communication is a skill. Which means it’s learnable. Which means you can get better at it. And the better you get, the better everything else gets too.
So pick one thing from this list. Just one. And try it.
Meet Our Featured ExpertsCaitlin V, Intimacy and Relationship Coach
Tilly Storm, Women’s Pleasure, Confidence, and Sexuality Coach
Leah Piper, Relationship and Intimacy Expert, Founder of More Love Works, Tantra and Somatic Coach, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Dr. Willow Brown, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, Taoist Sexology Expert, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Jana Danielson, Pelvic Floor and Perimenopause Expert, Founder & CEO of Cooch Ball
January 19, 2026
5 Sex’perts Share Their Funniest Sex Stories
Not a polite chuckle, I mean a full-on, snort-laugh, tears-streaming-down-your-face kind of laugh where you have to pause and catch your breath.
If you can’t remember, you’re not alone.
Somewhere along the way, sex got serious. It became about performance, technique, and doing everything “right.” And while there’s nothing wrong with being intentional about pleasure, we’ve lost something important along the way:
Sex is supposed to be playful, messy, and yes, FUNNY.
So I asked four leading Sex’perts to share their most awkward, hilarious, and slightly mortifying sex stories. Because the truth is the best sex lives aren’t the ones where everything goes perfectly. They’re the ones where couples can laugh when things go hilariously wrong.
Want more ways to improve your intimacy? Check out our sex’pert advice for having the best sex this year.
Trust me, you don’t want to miss the last story. Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe feel a little better about your own awkward moments.
Teledildonics: A New Sexual FrontierSusan Bratton, bestselling author and CEO of Personal Life Media—known as the “Intimacy Expert to Millions”—doesn’t share an awkward moment. Instead, she shares something that blew her mind in the best possible way.
Susan and her boyfriend recently experimented with synchronized sex tech. A wand called the Pearl 3 for her, and a Kion stroker for him. The twist? They were app-controlled and mirrored each other’s sensations.
“We laid side by side and he had the app that controlled the stroking on him while I had this inside me and he controlled it and they were mirroring each other. So what was happening to him was happening to me.”
When it stroked the tip of him, she felt it deep inside her. For 15 to 20 minutes, she experienced his pleasure journey, complete with valleys, hills, cliffs, and side trips.
“I never had an experience like that before, even when I would use a pleasure tool on myself or even in partnered play. It was the most incredible experience.”
Susan is currently exploring haptics and teledildonics (remote pleasuring for couples), products made by Kiiroo. Who knew the future of intimacy would be so... synchronized?
The Hammock Incident (and Other Adventures)Kevin Anthony—a Certified Sexologist, Tantra Counselor, and host of The Love Lab Podcast—has multiple stories. And honestly? That tracks for someone who’s made it their life’s work to explore sexuality.
Story #1: The Hammock Crash“At this point in my life I’ve had a fair amount of sex and I’ve tried a lot of things especially doing what I do for a living. I’m a bit more open than most people into trying new things and they don’t always work well and you end up with some awkward stories.”
Picture Kevin and his girlfriend, in her finished basement, getting it on in a hammock. Everything’s going great until…
“All of a sudden the rope that is holding it to the ceiling breaks and we go crashing to the floor with her on top of me, still with me still inside of her.”
They hit the floor and immediately burst out laughing. Kevin’s solution? “I think I should be the one to rehang this hammock up from the rafters.”
Story #2: The Disappearing Anal BeadsYears later, with a different partner, Kevin learned an important lesson about sex toy shopping. They bought anal beads from a sex toy store without really knowing what to look for. Everything was going well until, wait a minute, where did they go?
His partner was mortified as Kevin had to, shall we say, embark on a retrieval mission.
The lesson? Choose anal beads with a big ring handle, not a tiny one. You know, so they can’t disappear during really pleasurable moments.
Story #3: The Sex Party That Wasn’tKevin once attended a sex party where the host asked people to share something deep and emotional as an icebreaker. Noble idea, terrible execution.
“For whatever reason, people shared these really deep, dark things. Like some of these things, I was like, I can’t even believe you said that in front of a crowd of people.”
The oversharing killed the vibe so completely that the rest of the night, everyone just laid around stroking and cuddling each other. At a sex party with dozens of people, exactly one couple had sex. Everyone else was too emotionally drained.
Kevin’s takeaway? “In the immortal words of Larry Flint, relax, it’s just sex. Have fun with it. Try stuff. Some of it’s gonna work, some of it’s not gonna work.”
The Underwear DiscoveryDr. Laurie Mintz, bestselling author of Becoming Cliterate, therapist, and emeritus professor, has a college story that her friends will never let her forget.
These days, nothing can embarrass a sex therapist who’s been in a monogamous relationship for 43 years. But college Laurie? That’s a different story.
The setup: Laurie had a long-term boyfriend on a term abroad. They both promised to stay faithful.
“We both said we would stay faithful. Neither of us did, okay? We were in college. We were not as mature. We were horny, whatever.”
So she slept with someone else. Fine. Then she slept with another person. Also fine, until this person noticed something at the bottom of her bed.
They pulled up a pair of men’s underwear. “Who’s are these?”
Panicked, Laurie said they belonged to Sam, her boyfriend who was abroad.
Their response? “Does that mean you haven’t changed your sheets in four months?”
Busted. She had to laugh and confess they were actually from last week and belonged to someone else entirely.
This story has been retold at every reunion since. Her friends still joke, “Remember when so-and-so pulled so-and-so’s underwear out of your bed and you first tried to lie about it?”
Dr. Laurie’s takeaway? Some embarrassing moments live forever—but at least now they’re funny.
The Anal Sex Reality CheckAmy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist and founder of Suburban Intimacy, tackles the topic everyone worries about but nobody wants to discuss: what happens when anal sex doesn’t go as planned.
Amy and her husband had talked about trying anal sex for a long time. They prepared properly. They got the right silicone lubricant, communicated, took things slow. Everything was going well until... the thing she’d been most afraid of happened.
“The worst case scenario happened. And a little bit of poop came out, maybe more. I’m not sure. I’m not quite sure how much it was, but I could smell it, which immediately sent me into like, oh my gosh, this is awful. We have to stop.”
Her husband’s response? “It’s fine, it happens. This is just part of it.”
But here’s what made all the difference. He was prepared. He had baby wipes ready, quickly cleaned up, flipped the towel, and said, “We’re having great sex. Sex is messy.”
Amy admits it took her a bit to recover emotionally, but they were able to finish and have a good time. Still, it was a while before they tried again.
Her practical advice? Do a fleet enema beforehand if you’re worried. Have towels and wipes ready. Use the right lubricant. With proper preparation, it can be a pleasurable experience, even if you’re someone (like Amy, a sexologist!) who still cares about these things.
“When you prepare properly, make sure you have some towels, make sure you have some wipes handy, make sure you have the right lubricant, do an enema if it’s something that really concerns you... then with the right preparation, it can be a very, very pleasurable fun experience for both partners.”
The real lesson? A supportive partner who says “sex is messy” makes all the awkward moments survivable.
The Real Story Behind The StoriesHere’s what these four stories teach us:
1. Sex is messy—literally and figuratively. Hammocks break. Things get lost. Bodies do unexpected things. And that’s okay!
2. Laughter is part of intimacy. The couples who can laugh together during these moments? They’re the ones who stay together.
3. Preparation helps. Whether it’s reinforcing that hammock, choosing toys with proper handles, or having baby wipes handy, a little planning goes a long way.
4. Communication saves the day. Amy’s husband’s response to a mortifying moment? “It’s fine. Sex is messy.” That’s partnership.
The best sex lives aren’t the ones where everything goes perfectly. They’re the ones where couples can try new things, laugh when things go wrong, and keep showing up for each other with curiosity and grace.
Speaking of Stories That’ll Make You Blush...
If you enjoyed those messy, hilarious, very real stories about sex… you’re going to want this on your radar.
The Taboo Show is my upcoming novel, officially launching February 14, 2026.
It follows four women who walk into a sex show and walk out with their lives completely turned upside down. Expect friendship, secrets, laughter, and the kind of uncomfortable honesty that makes you text your friends at 2am like, “OMG you need to read this.”
Fair warning! your book club will have opinions.
The good kind.
And here’s the fun part. Pre-order before February 13th and you’re automatically entered to win a $550+ pleasure gift bundle. Yes, really. And yes, it’s very worth it.
Pre-Order The Taboo Show →Because the best stories aren’t just entertaining. They make you laugh, squirm, and rethink everything you thought you knew about pleasure.
Meet Our Featured ExpertsSusan Bratton, Intimacy Expert to Millions, CEO of Personal Life Media
Kevin Anthony, Certified Sexologist & Host of The Love Lab Podcast
Amy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist, Founder of Suburban Intimacy
Dr. Laurie Mintz Ph.D., Bestselling Author of Becoming Cliterate, Psychologist, Therapist & Emeritus Professor
January 5, 2026
5 Sex’perts Advice-How to Make this your best sexual year ever
Sex is the glue that holds a couple together through thick and thin. But when you’ve been with one person for many years, it can be tricky to light that spark.
I challenged five sex experts (including myself) to answer one question: “What’s your best advice for making 2026 your best sexual year yet?”
Wondering what trends are shaping intimacy in 2026? Check out our Sex’perts predictions on this year’s biggest sex trends first.
Before we start, I challenge you and your partner to find at least one idea from the following five Sex’perts that’s going to help you both open up your sexual pleasure and fun.
Learn New Things TogetherSusan Bratton, bestselling author and CEO of Personal Life Media, known as the “Intimacy Expert to Millions” emphasizes the power of novelty.
“My expert advice for having the best sex this year is to learn new things together. New relationship energy. When you think about a long-term relationship, it’s great because you’ve got a lot of trust, you feel seen, you feel cared for, but it can get a little boring. And so what creates more relationship energy, more excitement about your sexuality is beginning as beginners and trying new things together.”
Susan recommends couples check out resources like her sex life bucket list that gives them 48 different, very advanced, erotic play dates.
“They can see, ‘Oh my God, I never even thought we should try that’ or ‘I forgot about that’ or ‘We talked about it’ or ‘We did it once, let’s do it and get good at it.’ And I think that’s the thing that makes sex even better all the time.”
The secret? Approach new experiences as beginners together, creating that exciting “new relationship energy” even in long-term partnerships.
Treat Sex Like Anything Else You LoveKevin Anthony, a Certified Sexologist, Tantra Counselor, and host of The Love Lab Podcast, delivers a wake-up call.
“My expert advice for having the best sex this year is to treat sex the way that you would treat anything else. In other words, when people are interested in something and they want to learn something or they want to be good at something, they put a ton of time and effort and energy into it. They’ll read books about it. They’ll watch YouTube videos about it. They’ll hire coaches for it, right? But then when it comes to sex, they just fumble around in the dark.”
Kevin asks us to think about it this way: Maybe you’re really into golf. You watch golf tutorial videos. You’re out there every weekend. You’re trying different clubs, anything to get an advantage.
“Treat sex like that. I’m going to be there every weekend. I’m going to try out some new toys. Right? I’m going to invest in it because that’s how you have a really great sex life. None of us were taught when we were younger what it means to have a really great sex life. So we have to learn it.”
His message is clear. If you’re going to invest time and energy in anything, wouldn’t you want to invest it in something that’s a lot of fun and really pleasurable?
“I know that new series on Netflix is entertaining, but is it as good as a really powerful orgasm? I think not. So make this year the best ever. Invest in yourself. Invest in your sex life. Take the time to really learn, explore.”
Ask What She Wants (And Help Her Receive It)My advice for making this your best sexual year ever is for both of you to ask what she wants, and then help her actually receive the pleasure she asked for.
A lot of women don’t know what it feels like to fully relax into pleasure. Not because they’re “broken” or “too in their head” but because receiving is a skill. It takes practice.
“Receiving pleasure does not come naturally or spontaneously. This is a learned skill that requires practice and mastery.”
So here’s a radical idea, what if, once in a while, she puts her sexual needs first and taking care of her partner’s needs becomes secondary? That might feel edgy for some couples, but it can be a huge shift. Because when she stops managing everything, desire has room to come back.
And yes, I know the internal chatter that comes up: “My partner won’t want to do this.” My answer is your partner wants you to be sexually satisfied and they need you to tell them what satisfies you.
If you want this (and who doesn’t) but don’t know where to start, then please give each other the Melba app to explore sensuality and rediscover your pleasure with their immersive experiences.
Melba has over 400,000 satisfied couples and the best part? You and your partner can try Melba for free with code DRREAD30.
Slow DownAmy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist and founder of Suburban Intimacy, offers advice that’s simple yet profound.
“My advice for having the best sex this year is very simple and it’s only two words. Slow down.”
Amy explains that most couples rush through sex the same way they rush through life, trying to get to the next thing. But when you slow down, you start to feel more, notice more, and connect more.
“When you can really slow down and savor the experience… you can get to such elevated heights of pleasure and connection.”
She also points out that slowing down isn’t just about making it “romantic.” It’s about making it better for everyone, because presence changes the whole experience.
“When you slow down… it completely transforms the way that you think about sex, the way that you approach it, the way that you desire it.”
Her bottom line, don’t rush to the finish line. Build the energy. Let pleasure be the point, and connection becomes the natural result.
Communicate About SexDr. Laurie Mintz, bestselling author of Becoming Cliterate, therapist, and emeritus professor, shares advice she’s given for years—and will continue to give:
“My expert advice for having the best sex in this new year is the same advice that I have been giving for every year and will continue for every year going forward. And that is to communicate about sex.”
Dr. Mintz quotes one of her favorite clients: “Communication is the bedrock to make your bed rock.”
“And we know this is true. Couples who communicate effectively about sex have better sex and better relationship satisfaction.”
Her comprehensive approach to sexual communication includes:
Communicate outside the bedroom. Make it a part of jokes and innuendos, everyday conversations.
Communicate before sex. What are your boundaries? What do you want to do? What do you want to try? Even with a long-term partner.
Communicate during sex. Faster, slower, I want to try this.
Communicate after sex. How was that for you? And how could it be better? Did you like when I tried that new thing or not?
Communicate to solve any sexual problems that come up, but try to do so outside of the bedroom, not in the throes of passion.
Want a fresh perspective on intimacy? Step inside The Sex Course—my #1, award-winning fiction novel that combines irresistible storytelling with powerful insights about love, desire, and sexual connection.
So what do these five experts want you to remember for 2026?1. Novelty creates excitement. Learn new things together as beginners to reignite that new relationship energy.
2. Invest in your sex life. Treat it with the same dedication you’d give any hobby or passion you love.
3. Center her pleasure. Ask what she wants and create space for her to receive without guilt.
4. Slow down. Rushing kills pleasure. Savoring builds it.
5. Communicate constantly. Before, during, and after—communication is the bedrock of great sex.
The common thread? Intention. The best sex doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when couples make conscious choices to prioritize, explore, communicate, and slow down.
Don’t forget to grab my FREE Handbook: 5 Pleasure Secrets of Satisfied Couples for even more ways to transform your intimacy.
Click here to grab your free handbook now →
♦︎♦︎♦︎
Meet Our Featured ExpertsSusan Bratton, Intimacy Expert to Millions, CEO of Personal Life Media
Kevin Anthony, Certified Sexologist & Host of The Love Lab Podcast
Amy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist, Founder of Suburban Intimacy
Dr. Laurie Mintz Ph.D., Bestselling Author of Becoming Cliterate, Psychologist, Therapist & Emeritus Professor
December 15, 2025
5 Sex'perts Share How To Stay Intimate Over the Holidays
The holidays are here—and while they bring joy, they also bring stress, overwhelm, and jam-packed schedules that can flatline your libido faster than you can say “family dinner.”
But here’s a little known truth: touch, emotional connection, and yes, sex can be amazing stress relievers during the holidays.
I asked five sex experts (including myself) one question: What’s your best advice for staying intimate over the stressful holiday season?
Their answers will help you turn the holidays into a time where you and your partner lean into each other instead of pulling apart.
Hold and Be HeldSusan Bratton, bestselling author and CEO of Personal Life Media—known as the “Intimacy Expert to Millions”—reminds us that sometimes the simplest acts are the most powerful:
“My favorite thing during the holiday season is to take some time to be held and to hold each other in your arms. I have a technique I call the sexual soulmate embrace. And what I love about it is that too often we rush to intercourse, we rush to sex. And instead taking that languid time to really get into each other’s arms and to relax and not let go, but to hold each other closer, to squeeze and hold and run each other’s hands over each other’s bodies.”
Susan explains that when we slow down and hold each other, it lets our hearts connect, our breath syncopates, and allows us to look into each other’s eyes and finally just really relax.
“Because it’s in relaxation that arousal can climb. So holding and being held as much as possible.”
This simple practice can transform rushed, obligatory intimacy into something deeply nourishing.
Make Sex a Priority (Even When It Feels Impossible)Kevin Anthony—a Certified Sexologist, Tantra Counselor, and host of The Love Lab Podcast—gets straight to the point:
“My best advice to stay intimate over the stressful holiday season is you have to make sex a priority. The problem is the holidays get really stressful. They get really busy. You got a million things to do. You might be traveling. You got to go get all the things on your list. You got to prepare to have guests, whatever it is. Like there’s a lot happening and the holidays get stressful. And so things like your sex life can fall by the wayside. And the biggest thing is just don’t let that happen.”
Kevin emphasizes that you need to schedule time for connection.
“Even if you’re staying with your in-laws, you can find ways to have a little connection, sexy time. Yeah, it’s probably gonna be shorter. It’s probably going to be quieter. You’re not going to be screaming, rolling multiple orgasms, but just that act of still taking a little bit of time to connect will go a long way towards one, keeping you connected, but also mitigating all of that stress that you’ve been experiencing during the holiday.”
His advice? Set aside some time and connect in whatever way you can. Anything is better than nothing.
Make Repair Attempts OftenAs a Sexologist, my best advice for staying close during the holiday season is to make repair attempts often.
A repair attempt is used when one or both partners recognize that a conversation is going south and do or say something to get it back on track.
Let’s say you’ve had a stressful day with holiday shopping, organizing your kids’ school concerts, or the thousand other things that need to get done. You come home and your partner says something that puts you on edge and you snap back at them. Now both of you are mad and you can feel a fight brewing.
Instead of letting this fight simmer, you nip this potential fight in the bud with a repair attempt: a hug, an inside joke, getting your partner a glass of wine—or better yet, all of the above. These things are going to de-escalate this potential fight and turn it into something where you’re nurturing each other.
Here’s the important part:
For this to work, both of you need to let down your egos, consider the other person’s perspective, and both of you need to make concessions.
Happy couples repair early and often, and they use many strategies, both verbal and non-verbal, to repair.
And if you think this is too much work? Think again. Researchers could predict the divorce rate with 90% accuracy when couples fail to make or respond to repair attempts.
Repair attempts are simple, straightforward, and within minutes save you so much time, effort, and heartache.
And if you want to take your repair attempts up a notch? Give the gift that keeps on giving to your couple intimacy and satisfaction. Give each other the Melba app to explore your sensuality and rediscover your pleasure with all their immersive experiences.
With over 400,000 satisfied couples, the best part?
You get to try Melba for free with code DRREAD30.
Choose Connection Over PerfectionAmy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist and founder of Suburban Intimacy, knows firsthand how the holidays can overwhelm moms trying to create magic for everyone. Her advice?
“My best advice for staying intimate over the stressful holiday season is to choose connection over perfection. And lean in on pleasure as a stress reliever. This is something that I share all the time, stress increases cortisol inside your body. And guess what a natural reliever to reduce cortisol is? Oxytocin.”
Amy reminds us that orgasms and intimate connection release neurochemicals that naturally combat stress.
“And all of the incredible neurochemicals that are released during orgasm. And let’s be honest, we experience a lot of stress over the holidays, especially as moms, because we are trying to create magic. We are trying to do everything for everybody, presents and shopping and in-laws and meals and all of these different things.”
Her practical advice includes:
Check in with each other daily. How are you doing? What do you need?
Recognize when your partner is overwhelmed. Partners who are attuned can tell when one is reaching their limit.
Remember you’re a team. Exchange little looks. Remember you’re in this together.
Say no. No is a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain everything.
Lean into pleasure when stressed. Whether it’s a long hug in the kitchen or a quickie in the shower, all of those things will help.
As Amy beautifully puts it: “Don’t forget to lean into pleasure when you are so stressed out, when the mother-in-law starts criticizing things, when all these things are happening, there’s a natural tendency, I think, to disconnect from your partner and that’s the most important time to lean in.”
Give Yourself and Each Other GraceDr. Laurie Mintz, bestselling author of Becoming Cliterate, therapist, and emeritus professor, offers the perspective we all need to hear:
“My best advice to stay intimate over stressful holiday seasons is give yourself and each other grace and communicate about it. You know, just like I tell brand new parents, don’t expect your sex life to be the same as it was before you brought the infant home. I tell everybody, don’t expect your sex life to be the same with holiday chaos, with relatives you might not like, or with all the cooking and the chores in your home or in your environment.”
Dr. Mintz emphasizes the importance of communication:
“But talk about it, communicate about it, share with each other things like, I can’t keep our weekly sex date this week because I’m too stressed about the holidays. So communicate, give each other support.”
Her final message is one of hope.
“Give each other grace, and know that these holidays will pass. And if you communicate and give each other grace during this stressful period, you’ll be waiting for each other with open arms on the other end.”
Want a fresh perspective on intimacy? Step inside The Sex Course—my #1, award-winning fiction novel that combines irresistible storytelling with powerful insights about love, desire, and sexual connection.
Readers say it’s “sexy, smart, and impossible to put down.”
Make this holiday season your most connected yetSo what do these five experts want you to remember?
1. Intimacy doesn’t have to be elaborate. A long embrace, a quickie in the shower, holding hands while doing dishes—all of these count.
2. Schedule it if you need to. Spontaneity is lovely, but during the holidays, intentionality wins.
3. Repair early and often. Small acts of repair prevent big blowups.
4. Lean into pleasure as stress relief. Oxytocin from orgasms and intimate touch naturally combats cortisol.
5. Give grace. This season is temporary. Communicate, support each other, and remember you’re on the same team.
The holidays don’t have to kill your intimacy. With a little intention and these expert strategies, you can turn this season into one where you and your partner grow closer, not further apart.
Grab my FREE Handbook: 5 Pleasure Secrets of Satisfied Couples for even more ways to stay connected.
Click here to grab your free handbook now →
Because the best gift you can give each other this holiday season? Your presence, your touch, and your commitment to staying connected.
♦︎♦︎♦︎
Meet Our Featured ExpertsSusan Bratton, Intimacy Expert to Millions, CEO of Personal Life Media
Kevin Anthony, Certified Sexologist & Host of The Love Lab Podcast
Amy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist, Founder of Suburban Intimacy
Dr. Laurie Mintz Ph.D., Bestselling Author of Becoming Cliterate, Psychologist, Therapist & Emeritus Professor
December 8, 2025
5 Sex'perts Reveal 2026's Biggest Sex Trends
What if I told you that the future of great sex isn’t about learning more positions or finding new hot spots—but about something much more profound?
I recently interviewed four leading sex experts and together, we answered: What do you believe will be 2026’s biggest sex trend?
Their answers surprised me — and they might surprise you too.
The Comeback of Yoni MassageSusan Bratton, bestselling author and CEO of Personal Life Media—known as the “Intimacy Expert to Millions”—identifies a trend that’s been building momentum, and it’s refreshingly analog:
“This year’s top sex trend is going to be the same as last year because I feel like it’s gaining even more momentum: yoni massage.”
For those unfamiliar, yoni massage is vulvovaginal massage focusing on the entire genital area—not just the clitoris. Susan explains that all of this tissue is orgasmic and contains sponges that need blood flow to create what she calls a “lady erection.”
But here’s what makes this a trend:It’s not women asking for it anymore. “Men are like, ‘How do I do yoni massage? What’s a yoni massage? I need to do yoni massage. My wife wants one. What do I do?’ That’s why I think it’s the trend of the year.”
This shift represents something deeper:More men actively seeking to understand and prioritize their partner’s pleasure. They’re moving beyond the “big three” hot spots I often talk about and exploring the full pleasure spectrum.
The Shift From Performance to PresenceAmy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist and founder of Suburban Intimacy, predicts a major cultural shift in how we approach intimacy. As a mom of three and 20-year wife who helps suburban couples reclaim their sex lives, Amy knows firsthand how life can drain intimacy:
“I think next year’s biggest sex trends will be a shift from performance-based sex to presence-based sex. More and more people want depth, connection, and emotional closeness.”
Amy’s observation reflects what I’m seeing with my own clients. More couples are arriving at my door already practicing mindfulness, taking yoga classes, and engaging in somatic practices—yet they haven’t connected these skills to their sex lives.
“The recognition of the importance of mindfulness, slowing down, and tuning into our bodies is becoming more widespread,” Amy explains. “When overwhelm goes down, desire naturally goes up.”
This isn’t just feel-good advice. When you’re truly present during sex—rather than mentally running through your to-do list or worrying about your performance—everything changes. The pleasure deepens. The connection intensifies. Sex becomes about experiencing rather than achieving.
Tech Gets Intimate (But Should It?)If Amy’s prediction focuses on the human element, Kevin Anthony—a Certified Sexologist, Tantra Counselor, and host of The Love Lab Podcast—sees technology taking center stage:
“I believe next year’s biggest sex trend is going to be using more tech with your sex life. People are getting more used to using tech everywhere, and they’re no longer afraid to use it to improve their sex life.”
Kevin points to innovations like erection-tracking devices that provide actual medical data for treating dysfunction, and increasingly sophisticated pleasure products that last longer and perform better than ever before.
But he also sounds a note of caution about AI in the bedroom:
“The jury is still out as to whether AI will have a net positive or net negative effect. What we really need is more human connection, more physical humans together communicating and touching each other.”
Dr. Laurie Mintz, bestselling author of Becoming Cliterate, psychologist, therapist, and emeritus professor whose life’s work focuses on helping people live more sexually satisfying lives, echoes this tech-forward prediction. She envisions wearable devices that track arousal and sexual health, AI-powered erotica, and advanced technology integrated into everything from sex toys to dating apps.
The questions remains:“I just think we are making so many strides in the technology world,” she says, “and there’s no way that’s not going to make its way into sexual health.”
Will technology bring us closer together or push us further apart? The answer likely depends on how intentionally we use it.
Want a fresh perspective on intimacy? Step inside The Sex Course—my #1, award-winning fiction novel that combines irresistible storytelling with powerful insights about love, desire, and sexual connection.
Readers say it’s “sexy, smart, and impossible to put down.”
Tech Meets Intentionality: Tracking Your IntimacyAs a sex educator, I’m seeing an exciting shift at the intersection of technology and intentional connection: couples are turning to guided tools that help them explore intimacy with more confidence, curiosity, and play.
One of the most promising apps in this space is Melba—a tool designed not to track your intimacy, but to enhance it.
Here’s why I see apps like Melba shaping the future of relationship wellness:
Voice-guided adventures
Melba offers a wide range of customizable, voice-guided audio adventures that help couples explore together—without pressure, awkwardness, or guesswork.
Expert-backed content
The app includes articles and resources co-created with couples therapists and intimacy experts, making it a reliable, evidence-informed companion on your intimacy journey.
More satisfaction and playfulness
Couples report that Melba helps them feel more connected, more playful, and more satisfied in their intimacy—often in ways they hadn’t expected.
Better communication
By introducing new ideas and prompts, Melba helps partners talk more openly about their desires, boundaries, and curiosities.
Zero performance pressure
Perhaps the best part: Melba creates a safe, respectful space for mindful exploration—removing the pressure to “perform” and replacing it with presence, ease, and enjoyment.The beauty of tools like Melba is that they help bridge the gap between intention and action. We all say, “We should make more time for us,” but life gets in the way. When used mindfully, tech can become a gentle, supportive nudge—reminding you to connect, play, explore, and prioritize each other.
Want to try it? Enjoy Melba free for 30 days with code DRREAD30.
Download the app and start transforming your relationship today.
♦︎♦︎♦︎
What This Means For Your RelationshipSo what do we make of these seemingly disparate predictions?
Here’s what I see connecting them:
1. Couples are hungry for something more meaningful. Whether it’s through presence-based sex, expanded touch repertoires, or intentional communication, people are rejecting the tired sexual scripts that have left them feeling disconnected.
2. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some couples will thrive with tech-enhanced intimacy. Others will find their groove through mindful, slow, present touch. The key is choosing what serves your unique relationship.
3. Education and intention matter more than ever. As Kevin reminds us, “Treat sex the way you would any other thing you love. Read books, watch videos, work with coaches. Don’t just fumble around in the dark.”
The most important trend? Couples are finally recognizing that extraordinary sex requires effort, vulnerability, and the willingness to be beginners together.
Your Next StepsWhether you’re drawn to exploring yoni massage, incorporating mindful presence, or experimenting with new technology, remember this: you are the architect of your sexual pleasure.
The couples who will have the best sex in 2026 won’t be the ones chasing the latest trends. They’ll be the ones who:
Communicate openly about their desires
Remain curious and playful
Prioritize emotional connection alongside physical pleasure
Are willing to try new things without judgment
Ready to design your own sexual blueprint? I walk you through exactly how to do this in my FREE Handbook: 5 Pleasure Secrets of Satisfied Couples.
Click here to grab your free handbook now →
Because the best sex trend of 2026? That’s the one you create together.
♦︎♦︎♦︎
Meet Our Featured ExpertsSusan Bratton, Intimacy Expert to Millions, CEO of Personal Life Media
Kevin Anthony, Certified Sexologist & Host of The Love Lab Podcast
Amy Rowan, The Suburban Sexologist, Founder of Suburban Intimacy
Dr. Trina Read, Sexologist & CEO of Sensual Taste Publishing
Dr. Laurie Mintz Ph.D., Bestselling Author of Becoming Cliterate, Psychologist, Therapist & Emeritus Professor
March 26, 2025
This One Thing Will Make Or Break Your Sex Life
The answer: Sex goes from something that makes a woman feel good to something that makes her feel bad. Guaranteeing that in time, she grows apathetic towards sex, saying things like, "What's the point of having sex when there's little or nothing in the sexual experience for me?"
The problem couples need to solve: Most women cannot tell her partner what she wants or how to do it.
Why Do You Have Sex?Do you have sex because it makes you feel good? Or do you have sex to make your partner feel good?
Research shows what women want from her getting-to-orgasm experience differs from men. As well, men's and women's orgasms are different. Yet, most women do what their partner wants to do and never ask for something different.
When a woman only ever orgasms like a man, it's a big reason she loses interest in sex.
Why? (1) She doesn't get the sensuality her body craves. (2) She isn't able to orgasm in a way that works for her. Instead, she forces her body to (try to) enjoy a type of sex and orgasm that doesn't satisfy her. Making her orgasm experience is never more than basic and blah.
Yet, women do love to orgasm and want to orgasm during sex.
Let's dig into why a woman in a long-term relationship's orgasm goes from something that brings her a lot of pleasure–to something she avoids. To understand this better, let's use Stacie as a real-life example since seeing things in others is easier.
Stacie's Sex LifeStacie is 35, married, the mother of two toddlers, and a successful graphic design business owner. Her sex life reads like that of every busy couple: sex was great and effortless when they first met, but it waned after their first year together.
Still, it was good and regular enough until the kids came. Stacie overcame postpartum complications, potty-trained her kids, and kept her marriage and business thriving. But now she is floundering to get her sex life back on track.
Stacie understands the importance of sex and wants the couple's intimacy. Yet, her body doesn't cooperate during sex. She's experiencing the common but not well-known desire discrepancy. That is: A delay in her body's ability to become aroused.
FYI–this delay—or lag—in her desire changes everything about her sexual experience. The point where sex shifts from something that makes Stacie feel good to something that makes her feel bad.
Out of desperation, Stacie had guilt sex to keep her husband happy. Stacie framed sex as a wifely duty, an obligation, a chore that has nothing to do with meeting her sexual needs.
When this shift happened to Stacie, she didn't have a manual on how to respect her desire discrepancy and evolve her sexual experience. So she pressed on and went with what she knew–orgasm-focussed, she-cums-first sex.
Here's the important part: she didn't feel comfortable or confident enough to discuss her changing needs with her husband.
Women like Stacie never asked for more because she:
Doesn't know how.
Doesn't feel she deserves it.
Feels it's too much work.
Doesn't know what she wants.
Stacie loves her husband and wants her marriage to work, but she hates her sex life.
What Can Stacie Do?At the start of a relationship, a woman can easily orgasm like a man. Then again, with all those love drugs running through her body, anything will work. But after the love drugs fade, and her libido becomes sporadic, orgasming like a man stopped working.
After a few years of not knowing how to communicate and doing their best to make sex work, women find themselves trapped in the she-cums-first, orgasm-as-the-goal sex. The irony then becomes although Stacie can orgasm, she sometimes does, but mostly doesn't. Why?
Typically, at the initiation of sex, Stacie's mind is going ninety miles an hour. By the time she relaxes and moves from her head and into her body, the sex is over. Stacie, like the majority of women in a long-term relationship, experiences a delayed sexual response–meaning she doesn't want sex when it is initiated, and it will take time to kick start her sexual arousal.
The Orgasm TransitionSomewhere in their long-term relationship, something shifts for many women and her orgasms become mechanical. A woman's body can orgasm without her feeling sexual desire or arousal. It's an automatic response to stimulation, like a sneeze, but with no emotional attachment.
She needs something more but isn't sure what that something is and doesn't know how to communicate the change to her partner. When her partner doesn't notice her dissatisfaction, she became resentful that her sexual experience was about making sure he was sexually satisfied. This resentment soon turns into apathy, and there is no bigger libido killer than being apathetic about sex.
This Is Not About The Orgasm Or SexIt's about the sex expectations.
Most women don't want the pressure to "she-cums-first" perform and orgasm like a man, on command, with every sexual encounter. You see, the majority of women in long-term relationships experience what is called a delayed sexual response.
Meaning she won't feel like sex when it's initiated, and it will take time before she moves from her head and into her arousal. Being expected to orgasm on command during the she-cums-first time frame isn't enough time for her delayed sexual response.
Often the result of the she-cums-first experience is, ironically, that she doesn't orgasm. If she does orgasm, it's probably mechanical. Women need so much more than a bodily release. If that wasn't enough, then she needs to direct her focus to making sure her partner orgasm–which creates resentment.
Hopefully, it makes sense this one-sided sexual experience creates a negative sexual mindset. Meaning she has a lot of negative thoughts about sex and orgasm, before, during, and after.
Orgasm and sex are neutral. They're neither good nor bad. In the end, our feelings about sex and orgasm are what make it wonderful or underwhelming.
When she comes to believe that sex serves only to fulfill her partner, it creates the sexual narrative, "What's the point of having sex? When there's nothing in it for me."
Her negative sexual mindset will wreak havoc on your sex life. These thoughts disable her body from enjoying sex.
Responsive Desire To The RescueWhen sex is initiated, she needs to appreciate that it's going to take a moment to feel any desire. To help jump-start her desire, she must put her responsive desire into action and put her body into the motions of sex to help her arousal catch up.
Her responsive desire needs to be a team effort. For Stacie to be more sexually engaged, she and her husband need to create a space for sensuality—not just intercourse. To create what Dr. Ian Kerner calls "erotic threads," a simmering of anticipation.
Focus on touch if you don't know what to do or how to start. Non-sexual touch–meaning touch that does not lead to sex. You can do this by giving each other a massage … that doesn't lead to sex. (Many women avoid a massage because she doesn't want the obligation to have intercourse afterward.)
Women's delayed sexual desire and arousal won't magically turn around with one massage. But it's a good start.
Give A No-Strings-Attached MassageExSens has a beautiful line of aromatherapy massage oils. Their aromatherapy massage oils are light, absorbent, and delicately scented, perfect for a relaxing, simmering in anticipation, sensual massage.
ExSens aromatherapy massage oils also make great body oils. Ladies, use these oils to get into the habit of nurturing sensuality. Taking care of yourself, moisturizing your skin with a lovely, scented oil, and luxuriating in the moment will help you get back in touch with your body.
Please check out the entire luxurious ExSens sensual product line. Go to the Exsens-usa.com website, use the coupon code SENSUALITY, and get 20 percent off.
My pro tip: sometimes women want a massage that doesn’t have to lead to sex. Some women avoid a massage because she doesn’t want the obligation to have intercourse afterward.
Bottom Line: Women should feel empowered in their relationships to ask to meet her sensual needs. It takes the two of you to figure it out together. When you mix your sex with sensuality, it opens a new, soulful, and connected sexual experience. And suddenly, sex becomes a lot more fun for both of you.
February 13, 2025
Sexual Empowerment And Self-help For Women
In a world where many women view sex as a duty rather than a joy, the Sex Boot Camp presents a revolutionary approach to intimacy. Author Dr. Trina Read, invites women to reexamine and reclaim her sexual narratives by shifting the focus from performance and obligation to a celebration of pleasure, self-awareness, and personal empowerment.
The introduction helps women understand that lasting sexual satisfaction does not depend on trying new techniques but rather on reshaping internal dialogues. In this blog post, we will explore the core concepts and practical steps outlined in the workbook, highlighting how shifting your mindset can redefine your sexual experiences and lead to a richer, more fulfilling life.
From Obligation to EmpowermentThe Sex Boot Camp Workbook challenges long-held societal beliefs with a tone that is both conversational and candid. Dr. Trina Read sets a judgment-free and supportive tone that resonates with her readers. The workbook is not about quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions; instead, it is a call-to-action for women to dive deep into the layers of their sexual histories—an invitation to uncover hidden patterns, confront internalized micro-shames, and ultimately take back control over one’s intimate encounters.
A key tenets is recognizing that much of our sexual dissatisfaction can be traced back to our internal dialogues. Often, these dialogues have been shaped by cultural expectations, past negative experiences, and the burden of societal norms. Recognizing these influences is the first critical step in shifting from a mindset.
The workbook underscores that when we begin to examine and challenge these entrenched narratives, we take responsibility for our sexual fulfillment. By doing so, we empower ourselves to make deliberate changes—be it through reflective journaling, self-assessment, or simply by embracing vulnerability. This is not merely therapeutic; it is a call to reclaim one’s sexual autonomy in a world that often undermines it. Readers are encouraged to discard feelings of shame and guilt that are associated with their sexual choices. Instead, each step of this journey is an important milestone towards more enriched pleasure.
Cultivating a Positive Sexual MindsetSexual satisfaction is deeply intertwined with a positive mindset, a paradigm shift—one where self-awareness and a proactive, positive attitude can lead to profound improvements in one’s sexual experience. According to Dr. Trina Read, much of the sexual disengagement is a result of negative self-talk, cultural conditioning, and past experiences of shame. These narratives label sex as obligatory, stressful, or not worth it.
The solution is not exploring new techniques, but rather in changing how one thinks about sex with reflective journaling. This exercise is more than just putting pen to paper—it helps uncover long-held beliefs and emotional patterns that may obstruct intimacy. It's a powerful strategy to recognize recurring themes, confront past traumas, and ultimately understand the impact of these patterns on one’s current sex life.
The journey towards a healthier sexual mindset is not instantaneous. With each small, deliberate change—be it through self-reflection, exercise, or even moments of self-forgiveness—the building blocks of a more positive, fulfilling sexual experience are steadily put into place.
Every conscious decision to challenge a long-held assumption or to approach sex with a newfound perspective is an act of self-liberation. Sexual fulfillment begins in the mind, and when the mind is honed to see sex for what it can be—a source of delight, connection, and empowerment—the rest naturally follows.
Reclaim Your Sexual IdentityFar from promising a quick-fix solution, Dr. Trina Read’s approach is rooted in genuine reflection, accountability, and the courage to face one’s past without judgment. The workbook offers detailed exercises, each designed to peel back the layers of emotional baggage that may have accumulated over the years, allowing readers to gain a clearer understanding of their sexual selves.
One of the most empowering exercises recommended is the detailed writing of one’s sexual history. This is not merely a recounting of events; it is a exploration into the choices that have led to current experiences. By identifying recurring patterns, moments of vulnerability, and the undercurrents of shame that have often been overlooked, readers are provided with the tools they need to recognize and address the roots of their dissatisfaction.
As one unpacks negative emotions, to reframe these moments as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks. The process invites women to view each chapter of their sexual history as a narrative in transition, where past experiences can be reinterpreted as powerful lessons that pave the way for a more joyful future. This is not just about revisiting past disappointments; it is about identifying the small victories and moments of pleasure that may get overshadowed.
The workbook facilitates a gradual but deliberate transition from a mindset dominated by inadequacy and obligation to one that celebrates erotic fulfillment and self-worth. Additionally, everyone, regardless of their background or past experiences, is capable of redefining their sexual narrative.
Expert Voices and Real-Life InspirationIn addition to the reflective exercises and practical steps outlined in the workbook, a significant portion of its impact comes from the real-life credentials and the empowering voices behind the program. One of the standout features in this approach is the presence of renowned experts like Dr. Trina Read herself, who has spent over 25 years empowering
women to take control of their sexual narratives. Her wealth of experience and authority resonates profoundly with readers striving for change. to dismantle the often intimidating barriers that many women face when attempting to redefine their sexual experiences.
The workbook’s reassures readers that they need to question long-held beliefs and to pursue genuine sexual well-being. Moreover, the workbook encourages inviting readers to connect via social media. fostering a community that values regular updates, shared experiences, and ongoing encouragement. that transformation is both a personal and collective journey. change is more sustainable when supported by a network of women raising women up.
ConclusionThe Sex Boot Camp Workbook is an empowering manifesto for women ready to rediscover her sexual and sensual experiences. By shifting the focus from technique to mindset, Dr. Trina Read offers a path that is rooted in self-awareness, reflective journaling, and the willingness to confront and redefine painful narratives.
The workbook dismantles the harmful perceptions of sex as obligation, replacing them with a vision of sexual encounters as dynamic, fulfilling, and affirming experiences. Through its structured exercises and candid narrative, the workbook encourages women to take ownership of their intimate lives with courage and clarity.
Transformation comes from within. Every small, deliberate change contributes to a broader, more vibrant tapestry of sexual satisfaction. In embracing this transformative journey, women are invited to celebrate their progress every step of the way. The path to sexual fulfillment is not linear. With each reflective insight and every choice to shift a negative narrative, the groundwork is laid where pleasure and empowerment become the norm.
Ultimately, Sex Boot Camp Workbook is a roadmap to reframe sexual identity. It is an invitation to discard the weight of cultural conditioning and self-doubt and to step boldly into a realm of personal celebration and intimate joy. For woman ready to transform her sexual narrative, this workbook provides both the tools and the motivation to begin a journey of profound personal liberation and well-being.
November 14, 2024
Are You Sexy? What Does Sexy Even Mean?
How you can download your FREE sexy checklist handbook.
Sexiness is being authentically yourself, and we give you five characteristics of a sexy person.
Answer ten of the “Are You Sexy Quiz” questions. Did you pass the sexiness test?
What Does Sexy Mean?We think of sexy as someone who looks good on the outside. But all the research points to sexiness coming from the inside. Meaning that the sexiest women are the most confident women.
Confidence means feeling sure of yourself and capable of your abilities in a realistic, secure way.
It might seem corny or an overused trope, but sexiness is being yourself. The closer you become your most authentic self, the more self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence you will naturally have. And that internal power is intoxicating to others.
Reality check: Anyone—including you—can be sexy because it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with being yourself.
How can you tap into your sexual confidence? Here are five characteristics of a sexy person.
(1) You’re Comfortable In Your SkinFor decades, psychologists have known that believing you are attractive increases your desirability by others regardless of your physical appearance. Research shows it’s hard for us to judge someone’s value, so we use their self-confidence–or lack of it–to gauge their value.
(2) You Know How To Make Other People Feel GoodSexiness is your confidence.
Someone who can make us feel good lights up the reward pathways in our brains and motivates us to share more of ourselves. Charming people are charming because they are very interested in you.
(3) You Know Your WorthSexiness is being interested and interesting.
People who know their worth, set boundaries, and are selective about who they give their time and attention to are naturally less available than those with low self-esteem.
(4) You Are Fun To Be AroundSexiness is your sexual self-esteem.
Studies found that people who are fun and have a great sense of humor are more successful romantically. We are drawn to someone who is good at communication and conflict resolution. Research proves that a more agreeable partner helps us cope better with difficult life circumstances and has higher levels of relationship satisfaction.
(5) You Are A Beautiful MessSexiness is not taking yourself so seriously.
Researchers found vulnerability can be alluring, naming this “the beautiful mess” effect. Vulnerability is humanizing because we love seeing raw truth and openness in others.
Sexiness is showing everyone your imperfections.
These five suggestions are helpful but big ideas. How can you start being sexy today? An excellent place to start is by going through the following sexy checklist.
Are You Sexy Checklist?Answer the following questions with a yes or no. Then, pick one thing you would like to work on.
I get out and socialize with friends regularly.
I have a hobby that interests me and is separate from my home and work life.
I laugh at least once per day.
I say something nice to myself every day.
I mostly look at what is going right in my life.
I don’t sweat the small stuff.
I am neither a guilt thrower nor a guilt catcher
I exercise, eat healthy foods, and drink tons of water.
I have at least one gorgeous set of underwear (that fits!)
If yes to #9, I wear this gorgeous set of underwear at least every couple of months.
When someone compliments me, I look them straight in the eye and say, “Thank You. I feel great!”
What is your biggest takeaway from this quiz? Hopefully, it's that although many traits contribute to your sexiness, they all stem from being yourself.
How can you use that takeaway to lean into being the most authentic version of yourself?
Grab Your FREE Sexy Checklist QuizYou can take the entire Sexy Checklist quiz here. It's great to do the checklist yourself, and it's even better with friends. Imagine what fun you can have: a night out with your friends, a few margaritas, and answering the questions. It's like you're answering a Cosmo quiz in high school.
Wrap UpYou’re comfortable in your skin.
You know how to make other people feel good.
You know your worth.
You have a great time.
You dare to be vulnerable.
Your sexiness shines when you are entirely, unapologetically yourself.
When You Don’t Think You Can … RememberWe are all rooting for your sex’cess. Because when you sex’ceed, you are raising women’s sexuality to a new, higher standard. That makes you a badass human being.
When You're Ready To Step Into Your Sex'cessGet your FREE copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass. Go here.
Watch the FREE See if the Sex Boot Camp Master Class to see if this is a good fit for you. Go here.
Listen and subscribe to the weekly Sensational Sex Podcast. Go here.
Join the Sex'cess Community to hang with like minded, groovy women. Go here.
Check out the award winning fiction, The Sex Course that went to #1 in its Amazon category three days after launch. Go here.
