Susan Goodman's Blog

Odin spoke to me last night as I was concerned; contemplating a situation monetary situation. I had dropped into fear and one of my new habits is to move things out of my body by cleaning so rather than staying in the fear. I got up and cleaned the kitchen, cleared off the counters and made some space. While I was doing so a found a small amethyst point did somehow fallen behind one of the electronic gadgets in my kitchen. Interestingly enough I had been seeking a remedy a crystal remedy for anger and of course my research showed amethyst was exactly that.

But more than that I had found solace in movement and creating space once again. Having spent the week frustrated with vertigo. I recognized the noise going round and round in my head was spinning me out as I worried about what might be wrong with my physical body. Fortunately, I had also spent time focused on miracles. One of the biggest miracles that I've received is my ability to use my intellect.

At the time of my awakening, I thought I had lost my mind and at that time I had also associated my mind with my intelligence, with my intellect. Fortunately, my guides and my intuitive senses knew not to follow intellect into the abyss. I believe that's why Odin spoke to me last night as I settled in, after moving the energy out of my body, to drop into meditation. I sought that peaceful space.

In the Kabbalah, the tree of life, there is a hidden temple. The hidden temple of knowledge can only be found by crossing the path of the abyss. Many contemplations have I asked which eye is it that Odin has given up? Even my research gets a riddling answer, “Whichever one I please”. Odin is the magician. Perhaps it neither.

It's not so much that Odin necessarily gave up an eye is the answer that I get this morning It's more of a metaphor, a wink perhaps, that in order to reach understanding Odin had to leave knowledge and wisdom behind.
The path through the Kabbalah the tree of life begins at Kether, the crown. After moving through the crown into wisdom at the second temple with Raziel it's very tempting to stay. It was in this place that I remained for a very long time. I wanted to stay and hang out with Raziel, to have divine wisdom at my hands, at my fingertips always.

But there is danger in staying too long in the temple of wisdom. You get kicked into the abyss when you begin to believe that wisdom and knowledge are the same. When one begins to defend that knowledge with the ego, the temple of wisdom disappears. In order to gain understanding one must empty the mind of all wisdom and knowledge. One must be free to drop deeper within. One must be open to believing this is the true path to understanding.

Archangel Tzaphkiel presides over the temple of understanding, Binah. I’ve seen Cassiel at Binah, perhaps as a protector since he returns those who are wandering through the abyss, the orphans, to the path. I’ve had great difficulty in connecting with Tzaphkiel. Perhaps that’s the message carried by my swollen left eye. I am seeking the wrong form of understanding. In the words of St. Germaine – I seek not to be understood but to understand, perhaps I have been seeking understanding with the goal of being understood. This is the battle of the ego.

There are some who say that Zaphkiel is the Archangel of spiritual strife, the war against evil for anyone who is on this spiritual path, as you are well know, the true war is always with self. Archangel Tzaphkiel will walk with you but as will any of the archangels she will only walk so far. As I enter her temple, she reveals only this truth: The path to true understanding lies within you and once again I find myself walking the abyss.

I found the most interesting thing today! I discovered it at the bottom of a box in my back room. I didn’t so much as discover it, as I did search for it until I found it. The discovery was more about what it was than where it was. The story of how I found it is much more interesting.

I was journaling the messages from my dreams. One message involved handing a crystal to my ex-husband. I wondered what the crystal was as I was having difficulty remembering the name of it in my dream. Maybe I should begin nearer to the beginning.

I found myself walking along a beach. To one side there was a tall cliff and the other. I walked along the path. To my right a wall of stone seemed to disappear into the sky, the left was bounded by the ocean. Ahead on the beach I saw some people digging through what appeared to be a mound of polished stones. As I approached, I recognized one of the men. It was my ex-husband. I have two so I will leave you to guess which. I couldn’t really imagine him to be interested in crystals, but he did love beachcombing, so he wasn’t out of place here.
I had fallen asleep with the intention to receive information that would help me to release the karmic energy trapped in my body. The dream could have meant that it was attached to him. I woke up briefly, just after I heard the words, “It’s tertiary”. Thinking that to be the name of the crystal, I whispered it aloud three times to ensure I would remember it in the morning, then fell back to sleep to continue the dream. Whether I did or not is also tertiary. I had received enough information to follow the trail to the message in the morning.

Trusting google with the answer, I searched tertiary crystal. For those of you who don’t know, tertiary means its third in order of importance. Don’t worry, I didn’t know that this morning either. It seemed to me that wasn’t so much information about the crystal, as it was about the karmic energy being connected to my ex. It’s there but it’s not the primary source. I continued my research, after picking up a stone from the day before. I had been wondering what exactly it was. I do have so many I’ve lost track of some of the names of them. It was very much like the image of tertiary stones. But still none were the green one that had stood out in my dream.

I tried, instead, to remember the name I had rejected in the dream. Malachite. Well, I did know it wasn’t malachite but maybe it held the same purpose. As I rejected the name malachite that sky voice, I call Maggie called out, “Tell Susan, It’s Moldavite”. Wondering if Maggie was plucking the information out of my memory, then giving it back to me to gain my trust, (like an addict stealing your wallet then helping you look for it) I realized that was the name of the crystal.

I looked up moldavite and discovered it is a tertiary crystal. It’s also this really, cool galactic crystal that allows you to connect with the star realms. It was created with a meteorite hit the earth. Okay by now you are either looking up moldavite or wondering what it has to do with the stone I found in the box. I’ll tell you that’s why I was so excited. There was another stone with the moldavite, which was indeed the stone I gave my ex in the dream (moldavite not the other stone).

The other stone was called indochronite. I found some on a beach a few years back here in Newfoundland. My research tells me it might be found in Canada. My experience tells me it can be, because I found it here! How exciting, right?

So, I pick up the smaller piece that’s on my windowsill. It’s a decent size stone as far as crystals go. I had picked up several pieces on the beach. To be honest, I thought they were created by oil spills, and I collected them for protection stones. The bigger piece was unique. I pondered for some time what it could be. It was the shape and size of a piece of cannon ball, or maybe one of those glass buoys fisherman use. Though why anyone would use a black buoy is beyond me.

I meditated with it, of course. I have called it my Osiris stone, as he was the one, I connected with to do create the divination oil I was using for my dreamwork. But that’s a whole different story! Suffice it to say, I found this amazing crystal on the beach several years ago here in Newfoundland. It was formed when a meteorite hit the earth. Now I’m wondering if meteorites are spaceships that crashed and the reason, we can connect with the galactic realms.

What do you think?

Spring equinox and the new moon are my favorite times for planting seeds. These times represent a powerful new beginning and planting seeds gives me the opportunity to watch the intention grow. This equinox I planted two pots one with wildflowers and one with echinacea. I recognize I’ve been doing this for quite some time.

I plant two intentions, one for freedom – financial freedom and one for love - in particular romantic love. The financial freedom seeds grow and each day I move further away from the woman who ate out of dumpsters and traded sex for drugs.

The romantic love hasn’t grown at all. The rose bush I planted in my back garden got eaten by my bunny rabbit who I let have the run of the garden that summer. It’s not lost on me that bunnies represent abundance. I keep him in a pen in the house and out of my garden. I grow fresh herbs to feed him both indoors and out. In the spring I create a space for him at the back of the driveway underneath the bamboo (also a symbol of wealth and abundance) that grows prolifically there.

Today when I wasn’t paying attention my new puppy got into the room where the newly plants were safely tucked away. Not safe enough though. She managed to push the door open and knock over one of the pots. Not the one with the gold coins at the bottom intended to grow abundantly. She knocked over the one with echinacea the purple daisies which I had hoped would grow to welcome more love into my life.

The puppy is a welcome addition to my home, and she definitely offers love, but let’s face it she’s not the greatest conversationist and back rubs are definitely not her strong suit. I’d been thinking about an experience I had in recovery when this happened and it’s impossible for me not to connect the two. I had a falling out with someone recently because they were selling drugs while holding a position of trust in several recovery circles. The anger still seethes through me as the two are so totally incompatible. You can’t sell drugs and recovery at the same time. You can’t even give away recovery while selling drugs on the side.

It occurred to me to sweep up the soil and put it back in the pot. After doing so I planted some more echinacea seeds. They are a lovely shade of purple and I realized the ones in the bottom of the soil would never have a chance to grow. I set a new intention. The new seeds I planted will represent the newly awakening beings who are breaking through the harsh reality of life without the use of drugs. The ones deep in the soil will honour the ones who will never have the opportunity to grow.

Echinacea is a preventative herb that is taken when you get the first sign of a cold or flu. My mother would always encourage me to take it. My new plant will be just that.

The preventative herb that reminds me when my disease is active, I need to take preventative medicines. I need to stay grounded in the reality that beneath that soil are so many seeds that will never have the chance to grow.

The seeds and the soil had their own purpose, their own intention. Maybe the puppy knew something I didn’t. Maybe she knew that love can’t be grown with preventative medicine and the seeds wanted to follow through on their purpose. Maybe next spring that rose bush will bloom. Miracles happen.

Today's cards came - the three of swords and the Unicorn portal and I wonder how the two of them could come into alignment.

How do I bring the three of swords - the grief, the betrayal the anger, the frustration that comes with psychic attacks and death from addiction, the density of the 3D World into alignment with the beauty of the 12-dimensional Unicorn portal?

This is the tough question that comes with a spiritual awakening.
How can I come into alignment with the higher vibrational energies that are lifting humanity into the light while living in density?

The answers aren't anymore simple than the questions though some people might have you believe they are. Simple answers like surrender, acceptance, faith, and trust are really principles that we learn to apply. And when we learn to apply those principles, we start to recognize that even the challenges are bringing us into alignment.

So how do I come into alignment baby steps. Start with surrender. Surrendering that there really isn't anything I can do about the three of swords day ahead of me. It's going to happen. It's a part of the plan and I'm gonna feel what I feel. Surrender to the anger surrender to the frustration. Allow yourself to feel it. Don't live there don't feed it. That's not surrender. Surrender is trust that if I feel this it will pass.

There was a time in my life that most of my feelings were medicated and I was in a great deal of physical pain as well. I would go to the pharmacy to pick up my painkillers for the physical pain and I would overindulge. By the time I got home I would have taken the full 7 pills prescribed for that day. My partner would have been waiting at home for me to share some of my medication with him.

He would be put out when I arrived high and I would always give the same excuse, “If you felt as bad as I do all the time you would want to feel good sometimes too.”

I didn't know then that the pain that I was feeling was the result of overindulging I was too lost in the disease of addiction to surrender anything. He took a psychotic break before I found my way out. So, surrendering to the pain I know is a challenge I know how hard it is to feel it but what I've learned is that I only have to feel it once and that numbing it he's truly feeling it.

After surrendering what's next acceptance I need to accept what comes with that surrender. I need to recognize that inside that pain is lost it may be loss of a friend due to betrayal. It may be loss of a dream do too addiction and maybe loss of time do too other challenges it may be simply the loss of an opportunity.

It is only in surrendering the loss and acceptance that I am able to see the space that has been created. I can move into that space with faith I can move into that space with trust. And those are the two keys that open that Unicorn portal. Faith that there is something beyond this world. I can use the faith in myself I can look to the times in my life that faith got me through. I can even look to my faith in drugs. At one point in my life, I believed that they would solve my anger my frustration my fear. I can look to how far is come. I can look to others who've come as far. I that, I can start to believe again that something new will come from this three of swords day.

That's when I can see the Unicorn portal ahead. It's not here, but it is in front of me, and I know that I will be able to shift again into that higher dimension. For today I will rest in the knowledge then I have the key to unlock the door to the Unicorn portal when I'm ready.

Do you ever get stuck in giver mode when the goal is receiving? I've spent the morning of my day off working on and participating in my magical manifesting challenge. Yesterday, during the online, I realized that the challenge isn't about manifesting abundance. It's about manifesting magic.

I've been using magic consciously to manifest a new life since 2016. I've always believed in magic and I've been pretty much a practicing pagan my whole life. Don't get me wrong. I believe in Jesus. I just believe he was a pagan.

If you look at the stuff that he did it's obvious to me that he was a practicing magician. He got nailed to a cross for "performing miracles on the sabbath". Basically the law was that you weren't allowed to work on the sabbath and that's the one they got him on. So his job was performing miracles - which is pretty much performing magic.

Now there is a whole skool of people (yup I'm going to leave that spelling - you are welcome to figure out why) who study and follow his teachings. I would even count myself amongst them. But, I do have some challenges with most of the interpreters at that skool.

After all to my mind when you nail something dead to a cross and put it up for everyone to see it's a warning not to do what that dead thing did. Sort of a head on a pike kind of thing. The roman's have built a whole new empire around this - they call it a church. Me I figure it was a skool.

I started out this incarnation in that skool. I diligently memorized the words and the rituals. I loved the ritual. My favorite part was when I got to ring the little bells while the priest did something like lift a chalice up, that and the singing. My least favorite part was the exclusiveness especially when the bullies said I wasn't allowed to sing in the choir because my "voice was changing". The priest was the leader so he told me that lie.

When I came back to the magic in 2016 the bullies were in my head. They were really loud and some of them were terrifying. It took a long time to separate myself from them and decide that I don't have to fight them. That's where magic came in, I started doing rituals to get help from the light. I started talking to angels, fairies, and dragons.

Magical things started to happen in my life. People started to show up at just the right time. One thing that happened was I started writing again. Everyday most days, sometimes all day. I would sit in the mall and write stories about fairies. Then I started drawing again. The fairies and dragons, light beings and angels started showing up on the pages. The voices got quieter. The bullies got bored.

I'd forgotten all that until I started typing this morning. I was busy trying to grow a business instead of letting the magic carry me. Imagine trying to grow a plant. Now that's magic! I put a seed in the soil and now there is a pepper growing in my kitchen, The plant is actually bearing fruit in the middle of the winter.

Thanks for encouraging me to let go of the outcome today. I don't know that anyone will ever read this. It sure is nice to have a place to send it though.

I hope you all have an amazing angel blessed day.

Much love - Susan

I've adopted a puppy. My guides had been trying to push me to play more and to get out of the house. I'd been pretty much ignoring their guidance, focusing on my work and on my recovery and ignoring the fact that I was getting more and more stressed. The only evidence that I have a gym membership was the monthly debit from my bank account.

Then my cat died.

She got out of the house a lot. I was in the habit of leaving the window open for her to come and go as she pleased.

I had to admire the courage of the person who phoned me to tell me that she had found her body. She was crying more than I was. I actually don't cry a lot when it comes to death. Maybe I'm too numb, maybe I just don't get it. Maybe death means something different when you aren't touched by it every day.

I was surprised by the crying that started as I wrapped the blanket around Luna's stiff body. It continued all the way home, I cradled her body in my arms whispering to her on the walk back to the house. I laid her in the garden I wondering what I would do with the body. My back garden is concrete, so burying her in the back yard was out.

Funny how we don't use our phones to call for support these days. I was still crying as I picked it up and opted for google instead of human aid. My sister Carol would have known what to do, but she died last year. She's probably the one who got me the puppy! Spirit is like that.

Some online research lead me to the humane society and somehow in my grief I signed up to be a foster parent. Then I signed up with the SPCA as a foster as well. Seemed to me that would solve the issue of dead pets.

A few months before Luna died her son, Gherkin, had disappeared. Being a medium myself, I didn't feel that he was coming back. Just to be certain I checked with a couple of medium friends on the mainland. They connected with Luna & Gherkin and showed me what had transpired. As if to confirm their reading Luna brought dead birds and dead mice home for a couple of weeks. It was her attempt to communicate with me that his body was too big or too trapped for her to bring home.

Pets teach us about death. Today the death card came as I pulled the morning tarot card for my social media feed. There are so many types of death. There is the death of the physical body. When it's not yours it can be even more jarring to your life than when it is.

Death of the physical body from the soul's perspective is generally a graduation ceremony. One friend sent messages through my dreams on his way out and came back in a vision to reveal his next life in the dragon realm. Another expressed his deep anger at the stupidity of his exit, he was young and the overdose was an accident. For a few days it was much like he'd lost a video game challenge and was disgusted that he didn't get another turn. He's at peace now too.

Death of the ego is tougher I think. The physical body is a very uncomfortable place to experience death. Part of my purpose here is to allow souls who are transitioning to "borrow my vehicle". Some would call me a cross and other's a bridge in fact I am still a personality, a soul, and a body all wrapped up into one. So for me the death card means go back to work. There is another one coming.

Back to the puppy. She plays the death card a lot. Every morning she has changed into a different being as she tries on new personalities. She's got me outside to play in the snow and pick up poop.

My latest death is of the 59 year old me. At 60 I'm holding my breath caught halfway between hoping I don't wake her up and staring at her belly waiting for a sign that she's still breathing. I tell myself I've decided to age backwards. I've got myself a puppy. I guess it's time to go back to school now.