Chris Pepple's Blog - Posts Tagged "courage"
Make a Change: Let’s Talk about Domestic Violence
I’m using my voice as an author and a parent to continue conversations that often start because of a news report. Without a Voice, a novel set in the 1840s, tells the story of Sarah, a young wife leaving domestic violence. She travels across three states with her young daughters as they learn about their own strengths and abilities, and as they discover a new life with family and friends. I encourage you to use some of the thoughts in this book to start or continue conversations concerning domestic violence in our communities.
Who are the people affected by domestic abuse?
We are …
Musicians and Videographers
Teachers and Parents
Writers and Artists
Executives and Reporters
Retail Employees
Accountants and Chefs
Among many other titles …
We are from…
Small towns
Large cities
From Collierville and Byhalia and Chicago and L.A. and Paducah and Jackson
From Texas and Wyoming and Vermont and D.C.
From the middle class, the working class and the wealthy
From universities where we earned our master’s degrees
And from colleges where we got a two-year degree…
And from high schools where we barely got by…
Our families look a lot like yours with…
With kids
Or now empty nesters
With 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths
With a two-bedroom fixer-upper
In the suburbs
Or downtown
With a garage
Or on the bus route
Or in a biking community…
Our faith shapes us … We are …
Christian, Jews, Muslims…
The person who walks in to worship weekly
The person who hasn’t been in a while
The person you know well
The person who just says hello and walks on
The person you prayed with or prayed for
The person who leads worship
Or teaches a class
Or reads the Scripture
But we face abuse…daily, weekly, whenever our abuser lashes out at us…
We stay because…
We are scared…
We are weary…
We don’t have access to any resources…
We can’t afford a lawyer…
We wonder what you will think of us…
We believe the lies…
We don’t have a place to live…
Our abuser has befriended our family and friends…you like him…
Our church expects me to carry this cross…
My children will have a broken home…
My abuser controls the money and the car and the house…
My abuser knows where I am every minute of every day….
I think it’s my fault…If I was a better person…
You tell me all couples fight…
My abusers apologizes…
I don’t know how to leave…
CAN YOU HEAR US?
Will you believe us?
Will you help us find safe places to tell our stories?
Will you listen without judgement?
Will you locate and support community resources for victims of domestic violence?
Will you keep brochures in your church or your office or your community center?
Will you stand by us as we journey through courts and through applications and relocations, as we journey to safety and healing?
We you tell us we are strong enough and wise enough and courageous enough to do what is necessary to be free from abuse?
Understand that…
….the court process can be lengthy and challenging…
…our abusers are controlling and don’t want to lose control…
…our abusers may lie, even in court…
…our attorneys may not understand domestic abuse…
…judges may not listen at times…
Our abusers may …
Manipulate our children
Steal our resources
Draw out the process so we run out of funds
Manipulate family and friends
Lie about everything
Apologize and beg for forgiveness
Bring gifts and flowers
Claim a need for mercy due to an illness or condition
Blame everyone else for the problem
How can families and friends become more aware of what domestic abuse looks like and what steps can be taken to help a victim leave the abuse? Check local resources to see what may already be available in your community. Find a local support group. Also tap into national resources.
Churches and nonprofit groups—do your part. Post small signs in bathrooms (beside sinks or on the back of stall doors) to let people know that help is available for victims of any type of abuse. Post numbers of local agencies that can provide help or information. If those agencies have small brochures, keep them handy with your other information on grief, depression, etc.
Be a voice to end abuse!
www.chrispepple.com
Who are the people affected by domestic abuse?
We are …
Musicians and Videographers
Teachers and Parents
Writers and Artists
Executives and Reporters
Retail Employees
Accountants and Chefs
Among many other titles …
We are from…
Small towns
Large cities
From Collierville and Byhalia and Chicago and L.A. and Paducah and Jackson
From Texas and Wyoming and Vermont and D.C.
From the middle class, the working class and the wealthy
From universities where we earned our master’s degrees
And from colleges where we got a two-year degree…
And from high schools where we barely got by…
Our families look a lot like yours with…
With kids
Or now empty nesters
With 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths
With a two-bedroom fixer-upper
In the suburbs
Or downtown
With a garage
Or on the bus route
Or in a biking community…
Our faith shapes us … We are …
Christian, Jews, Muslims…
The person who walks in to worship weekly
The person who hasn’t been in a while
The person you know well
The person who just says hello and walks on
The person you prayed with or prayed for
The person who leads worship
Or teaches a class
Or reads the Scripture
But we face abuse…daily, weekly, whenever our abuser lashes out at us…
We stay because…
We are scared…
We are weary…
We don’t have access to any resources…
We can’t afford a lawyer…
We wonder what you will think of us…
We believe the lies…
We don’t have a place to live…
Our abuser has befriended our family and friends…you like him…
Our church expects me to carry this cross…
My children will have a broken home…
My abuser controls the money and the car and the house…
My abuser knows where I am every minute of every day….
I think it’s my fault…If I was a better person…
You tell me all couples fight…
My abusers apologizes…
I don’t know how to leave…
CAN YOU HEAR US?
Will you believe us?
Will you help us find safe places to tell our stories?
Will you listen without judgement?
Will you locate and support community resources for victims of domestic violence?
Will you keep brochures in your church or your office or your community center?
Will you stand by us as we journey through courts and through applications and relocations, as we journey to safety and healing?
We you tell us we are strong enough and wise enough and courageous enough to do what is necessary to be free from abuse?
Understand that…
….the court process can be lengthy and challenging…
…our abusers are controlling and don’t want to lose control…
…our abusers may lie, even in court…
…our attorneys may not understand domestic abuse…
…judges may not listen at times…
Our abusers may …
Manipulate our children
Steal our resources
Draw out the process so we run out of funds
Manipulate family and friends
Lie about everything
Apologize and beg for forgiveness
Bring gifts and flowers
Claim a need for mercy due to an illness or condition
Blame everyone else for the problem
How can families and friends become more aware of what domestic abuse looks like and what steps can be taken to help a victim leave the abuse? Check local resources to see what may already be available in your community. Find a local support group. Also tap into national resources.
Churches and nonprofit groups—do your part. Post small signs in bathrooms (beside sinks or on the back of stall doors) to let people know that help is available for victims of any type of abuse. Post numbers of local agencies that can provide help or information. If those agencies have small brochures, keep them handy with your other information on grief, depression, etc.
Be a voice to end abuse!
www.chrispepple.com
Love Heals
Thistle Farms in Nashville has a quote that they use a lot. "Love heals." That is such a powerful statement even though it seems so simple. What does that mean? For me, yesterday brought two perfect examples.
First, my best friend in Nashville sent me a beautiful picture for my wall. She became my best friend because we loved each other enough to listen to the life story of the other. We are nothing alike and many times she confesses that my story is so hard for her to understand. She's happily married-I was married to an abuser who still creates problems in my life. She lives comfortably. I struggle financially because of the past and because of current medical bills for my daughters. The list of our differences goes on. But when I am struggling the most, her "love heals" because she never gives up on me.
Second, when I sent out an announcement about my book, I had someone email back saying she had lost contact with me because she knew of some of the challenges in my life but had no idea what to say. It was awkward for her. But now the conversation is started. She told me what she knew, and I told her what would have helped. Silence hurt. Love heals.
I hope the characters in my novel, Without a Voice, help paint that picture of how love does heal. That includes loving ourselves enough to take the first steps to healing!
First, my best friend in Nashville sent me a beautiful picture for my wall. She became my best friend because we loved each other enough to listen to the life story of the other. We are nothing alike and many times she confesses that my story is so hard for her to understand. She's happily married-I was married to an abuser who still creates problems in my life. She lives comfortably. I struggle financially because of the past and because of current medical bills for my daughters. The list of our differences goes on. But when I am struggling the most, her "love heals" because she never gives up on me.
Second, when I sent out an announcement about my book, I had someone email back saying she had lost contact with me because she knew of some of the challenges in my life but had no idea what to say. It was awkward for her. But now the conversation is started. She told me what she knew, and I told her what would have helped. Silence hurt. Love heals.
I hope the characters in my novel, Without a Voice, help paint that picture of how love does heal. That includes loving ourselves enough to take the first steps to healing!
Redefining Family
The word “family” can stir up wonderful memories for many people. Thoughts of holidays with loved ones, family photos to celebrate one member’s milestones in life, or simple summer afternoons sharing a picnic or a game. That same word, however, brings up a longing in others—a hope to one day reunite with a loved one. A hope that a family member may change and become more loving. A hope to feel loved and connected to others. Some of us often grieve over the word family—grieve for members who have died, grieve for those who face hardships or illnesses, grieve for those who left, grieve for those who hurt us rather than love us.
When “family” is something we lost or must leave, how do move forward? Do we toss out the idea of ever being a part of a family again? Can we redefine what family means to us or redefine who we consider our family?
The characters in Without a Voice faced these questions as they struggled with the emotional challenges of losing family members and leaving family members. Some quotes from the characters give you a glimpse of how they redefined family as they journeyed forward:
“The images of my mother and father seemed like ghosts that I could see but not grasp. I realized that my parents were now just memories. The people before me were my family now. Together we had redefined home with each place we stopped along our way. We never said aloud that we loved each other, but, somehow, we knew the feeling was there.”
“Uncertainty still loomed ahead, but facing the unknown with loved ones seemed more hopeful. Love eases so many fears. Jane reached out and squeezed my hand as if she could read my thoughts. Together would be much better than alone.”
“I smiled at the thought of being a part of this group that had bonded like family. We were strangers thrown together by the sheer coincidence of location on our separate journeys—different needs on the same road.”
If you are part of a book club reading Without a Voice, discuss the theme of family and how the theme evolves throughout the book. If you journal, write down your thoughts of how we redefine family as we face the changes life brings us.
When “family” is something we lost or must leave, how do move forward? Do we toss out the idea of ever being a part of a family again? Can we redefine what family means to us or redefine who we consider our family?
The characters in Without a Voice faced these questions as they struggled with the emotional challenges of losing family members and leaving family members. Some quotes from the characters give you a glimpse of how they redefined family as they journeyed forward:
“The images of my mother and father seemed like ghosts that I could see but not grasp. I realized that my parents were now just memories. The people before me were my family now. Together we had redefined home with each place we stopped along our way. We never said aloud that we loved each other, but, somehow, we knew the feeling was there.”
“Uncertainty still loomed ahead, but facing the unknown with loved ones seemed more hopeful. Love eases so many fears. Jane reached out and squeezed my hand as if she could read my thoughts. Together would be much better than alone.”
“I smiled at the thought of being a part of this group that had bonded like family. We were strangers thrown together by the sheer coincidence of location on our separate journeys—different needs on the same road.”
If you are part of a book club reading Without a Voice, discuss the theme of family and how the theme evolves throughout the book. If you journal, write down your thoughts of how we redefine family as we face the changes life brings us.
Tell Your Story
Someone asked me once why I liked to write in first person. It’s because the story belongs to the person who lived it. The truth about a life should first be told by the one whose truth it is. Then we may share the story to bring it into the global conversation—to weave it into our communal history. I, as the writer, merely empower the characters to tell their own truths.
Without a Voice
Without a Voice
Never stop looking...
Looking, Seeing
Finally, I am publishing as a poet. The first time I discovered my passion for writing, I wrote a poem. Somehow, though, I didn't feel like a poet (whatever that means), so I hid the poem away for years. I didn't know anyone who read poetry often, much less anyone who claimed to be a poet. I was scared of being judged. Don't we all fear that at times?
During my teen years, however, I still struggled to find my voice, to share with people what I was seeing on my journey through life. I didn't own a camera (well, eventually I owned a Polaroid), so I tried to capture what I saw and felt using my words to create the images. I saw farm workers and city employees, grandparents and aging aunts and uncles, young cousins, and new friends. I was a listener, so I heard them share their life stories. I saw them in their unique environments. And I heard gossip and rumors and jokes more than I wish to acknowledge.
As I moved around in Atlanta, in Memphis, and in Nashville, I remained a listener…I heard the stories of people from many faiths, from many walks of life, from many career fields, from many economic levels, and from many political groups. I never settled neatly into one place or with one single denomination or political party. I was just me, wandering through many perspectives and still listening.
I hope you discover and enjoy all of my quirks and complexities in this collection of poetry. I have tried to live my life in a way that allows me to truly see a wide diversity of the people who populate this wonderful world we all call home. I have also tried to listen and learn and grow along the way, hopefully bringing love along on the journey. As I grow, I have tried to honestly admit and learn from my own failures and weaknesses. I don't claim to be perfect (or even close to it).
Some of you who think you know me may be shocked at some of the poems. If you tried to neatly place me in your faith category or your political party or your social group, you may have assumed that in all areas of life I agreed with you. However, I hope you keep reading. I am a sum of all my parts, a student of all who opened their hearts and mentored me, a family member to all who accepted me, and a listener to all who trusted me with their stories. I am whole, yet I am also unique and complex like the pieces of stained glass that come together to form one window.
I can be a child of God and one who embraces diversity. I can be faithful and one who fights for social justice. I can be a quiet listener and a loud advocate. It's who I am as the whole, not fitting neatly into any predefined role that someone may wish me to fill. So here I am as the poet… enjoy the journey with me.
And, Readers, find your own voice in here. Bring your own images and stories to these readings. Ask what my words mean to me, but then claim them and make them your own. Let's join our voices together as we interpret and re-interpret the words and stories shared. Ask hard questions. Seek challenging answers. Move out of your comfort zone with some of these poems and find a shared familiar image through others.
Looking, SeeingWe are uniquely created, but our lives are woven together in the fabric of our world that we call home. Our love and hopes and fears can be a place to start conversations that bring us closer together. Our scars can teach others about pain that comes from not being seen, not being heard, or not being believed-pain that comes through deep grief, and pain that comes from abuse from others. We are all scarred, yet we are all beautifully and wonderfully made. Let's all look to see the beauty in each life, the strengths of each person, the soul of the person you might have normally walked past. When we look, let's put aside our taught prejudices, set down our beliefs based on partial truths and rumors, and let go of our fears so we can truly see the gifts of the people we meet along our journeys.
I would like to end this post with two of my favorite quotes about poetry:
"… poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital necessity of our existence. It forms the quality of the light within which we predicate our hopes and dreams toward survival and change, first made into language, then into idea, then into more tangible action. Poetry is the way we help give name to the nameless so it can be thought." -Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." ¬¬-Dead Poet Society
Finally, I am publishing as a poet. The first time I discovered my passion for writing, I wrote a poem. Somehow, though, I didn't feel like a poet (whatever that means), so I hid the poem away for years. I didn't know anyone who read poetry often, much less anyone who claimed to be a poet. I was scared of being judged. Don't we all fear that at times?
During my teen years, however, I still struggled to find my voice, to share with people what I was seeing on my journey through life. I didn't own a camera (well, eventually I owned a Polaroid), so I tried to capture what I saw and felt using my words to create the images. I saw farm workers and city employees, grandparents and aging aunts and uncles, young cousins, and new friends. I was a listener, so I heard them share their life stories. I saw them in their unique environments. And I heard gossip and rumors and jokes more than I wish to acknowledge.
As I moved around in Atlanta, in Memphis, and in Nashville, I remained a listener…I heard the stories of people from many faiths, from many walks of life, from many career fields, from many economic levels, and from many political groups. I never settled neatly into one place or with one single denomination or political party. I was just me, wandering through many perspectives and still listening.
I hope you discover and enjoy all of my quirks and complexities in this collection of poetry. I have tried to live my life in a way that allows me to truly see a wide diversity of the people who populate this wonderful world we all call home. I have also tried to listen and learn and grow along the way, hopefully bringing love along on the journey. As I grow, I have tried to honestly admit and learn from my own failures and weaknesses. I don't claim to be perfect (or even close to it).
Some of you who think you know me may be shocked at some of the poems. If you tried to neatly place me in your faith category or your political party or your social group, you may have assumed that in all areas of life I agreed with you. However, I hope you keep reading. I am a sum of all my parts, a student of all who opened their hearts and mentored me, a family member to all who accepted me, and a listener to all who trusted me with their stories. I am whole, yet I am also unique and complex like the pieces of stained glass that come together to form one window.
I can be a child of God and one who embraces diversity. I can be faithful and one who fights for social justice. I can be a quiet listener and a loud advocate. It's who I am as the whole, not fitting neatly into any predefined role that someone may wish me to fill. So here I am as the poet… enjoy the journey with me.
And, Readers, find your own voice in here. Bring your own images and stories to these readings. Ask what my words mean to me, but then claim them and make them your own. Let's join our voices together as we interpret and re-interpret the words and stories shared. Ask hard questions. Seek challenging answers. Move out of your comfort zone with some of these poems and find a shared familiar image through others.
Looking, SeeingWe are uniquely created, but our lives are woven together in the fabric of our world that we call home. Our love and hopes and fears can be a place to start conversations that bring us closer together. Our scars can teach others about pain that comes from not being seen, not being heard, or not being believed-pain that comes through deep grief, and pain that comes from abuse from others. We are all scarred, yet we are all beautifully and wonderfully made. Let's all look to see the beauty in each life, the strengths of each person, the soul of the person you might have normally walked past. When we look, let's put aside our taught prejudices, set down our beliefs based on partial truths and rumors, and let go of our fears so we can truly see the gifts of the people we meet along our journeys.
I would like to end this post with two of my favorite quotes about poetry:
"… poetry is not a luxury. It is a vital necessity of our existence. It forms the quality of the light within which we predicate our hopes and dreams toward survival and change, first made into language, then into idea, then into more tangible action. Poetry is the way we help give name to the nameless so it can be thought." -Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider
"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." ¬¬-Dead Poet Society
