Jay Clark's Blog - Posts Tagged "shameless-ploys"
The perks of being John Green’s alleged long-lost cousin
Call me crazy, but I'm not one to take advantage of celebrity perks. I’m one to declare myself a celebrity-by-association and watch the perks fall into my lap. There's a difference. And also a sameness.
Who do I think I am, exactly? I’m John Green’s Alleged Long-Lost Cousin (JGALLC), to be exact. And ever since I kicked off this (awesomely bad) publicity stunt a month or so ago for the second or third time, people have been treating me the way I deserve to be treated: like Alleged Cousin Royalty.
Here are a few examples of my recent red carpet treatments courtesy of John Green's coattails:
- Just this morning I was trying to merge onto a freakishly busy highway when a star-struck guy in an SUV impatiently honked on his horn and slammed on his brakes to let me through. If not for my status as JGALLC, I’d probably be (a celebrity) at the bottom of a cliff right now.
- Also this morning: an Amazon distributor offered me a free pair of underwear in exchange for an honest review that's positive enough to net me more free stuff. Which reminds me that I need to change my Amazon username to John_Green’s_Alleged_Long-Lost_Cousin. If that one's not available, I’ll go with TheRealJohnGreensAllegedCousin. Regardless, I'm looking forward to completing this low-priority task while wearing a complimentary pair of gray boxer-briefs.
- This past Tuesday the lady in front of me at Starbucks paid for my drink — coincidence, or did she recognize the John Greenish gleam of nerdy awesomeness I was forcing into my eye? Who knows, but my free trente cold brew was delicious.
- A cop pulled me over for (alleged!) speeding a few weeks ago, but thank G John Green's my alleged cousin, because I was able to allege my way out of it like a true faux-celebrity. I also blamed the ravenous appetite of my then-pregnant wife for the temporary uptick in MPH and the cop’s wife happened to be pregnant, too … but still, my Green-given fame was palpable throughout.
- I was getting a library card the other day and — I swear I’m not just saying this — the librarian was being a weeeeee bit more helpful to me than everyone else in line. There was no one else in line at the time — I’ll give you that — but I suspect that made the alleged John Green pheromones on my skin all the more publicly intoxicating.
- During my daily run it seems like every time I jog past someone — usually a Golden Retriever — they turn their head as if they recognize me from (a best-selling book jacket) somewhere. Am I famous, or woof?
Who do I think I am, exactly? I’m John Green’s Alleged Long-Lost Cousin (JGALLC), to be exact. And ever since I kicked off this (awesomely bad) publicity stunt a month or so ago for the second or third time, people have been treating me the way I deserve to be treated: like Alleged Cousin Royalty.
Here are a few examples of my recent red carpet treatments courtesy of John Green's coattails:
- Just this morning I was trying to merge onto a freakishly busy highway when a star-struck guy in an SUV impatiently honked on his horn and slammed on his brakes to let me through. If not for my status as JGALLC, I’d probably be (a celebrity) at the bottom of a cliff right now.
- Also this morning: an Amazon distributor offered me a free pair of underwear in exchange for an honest review that's positive enough to net me more free stuff. Which reminds me that I need to change my Amazon username to John_Green’s_Alleged_Long-Lost_Cousin. If that one's not available, I’ll go with TheRealJohnGreensAllegedCousin. Regardless, I'm looking forward to completing this low-priority task while wearing a complimentary pair of gray boxer-briefs.
- This past Tuesday the lady in front of me at Starbucks paid for my drink — coincidence, or did she recognize the John Greenish gleam of nerdy awesomeness I was forcing into my eye? Who knows, but my free trente cold brew was delicious.
- A cop pulled me over for (alleged!) speeding a few weeks ago, but thank G John Green's my alleged cousin, because I was able to allege my way out of it like a true faux-celebrity. I also blamed the ravenous appetite of my then-pregnant wife for the temporary uptick in MPH and the cop’s wife happened to be pregnant, too … but still, my Green-given fame was palpable throughout.
- I was getting a library card the other day and — I swear I’m not just saying this — the librarian was being a weeeeee bit more helpful to me than everyone else in line. There was no one else in line at the time — I’ll give you that — but I suspect that made the alleged John Green pheromones on my skin all the more publicly intoxicating.
- During my daily run it seems like every time I jog past someone — usually a Golden Retriever — they turn their head as if they recognize me from (a best-selling book jacket) somewhere. Am I famous, or woof?
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