Kristi Hedges's Blog

Tell a group of employees you want more face time and prepare for sighs and eye rolls. Many see face time as a necessary evil because it can feel like time wasted, where they have to show up and be seen for political reasons, not to get meaningful work done in the most expeditious way.

Research reinforces what we know intuitively: Being seen connotes positive traits like commitment, even if we’re just sitting there. Now that remote and hybrid work environments are professional norms — and seemingly staying that way — employees are ready to relegate what we’ve traditionally known as “face time” to the archives.

Most often, the people asking for face time are leaders trying to get people back in the office, hoping to reclaim pre-pandemic patterns. I recently spoke with a CEO who lamented how much harder it is now to see what people are working on and to pop in for quick conversations. Despite establishing in-the-office guidelines, workers aren’t returning in force. His workplace, like many others, are finding that the return to “normal” isn’t going so well.

While the traditional type of face time is dreaded, we shouldn’t let it be equated with all face-to-face interaction, or we miss an important point: Interacting with people helps us understand what they care about. All of the subtle cues we pick up from someone — mannerisms, tone of voice, energy — provide clarity around their motivation and message.

We especially look to leaders in this way. As the late Sigal Barsade’s groundbreaking research showed, emotions are the primary conduit through which leaders influence other groups. Even the most well-worded email can’t convey emotions accurately.

As it turns out, it’s the leader’s face time that counts the most.

Especially in times of uncertainty, we use interactions with leaders to stay in the loop and map our behavior. If Sam looks worried at this all-staff, then I’ll worry. I want to hear Anika explain the restructuring before I decide what to do. When leaders disappear, we get really concerned.

With 2023’s economic capitulations and a remote/hybrid workforce, it’s important for leaders to be in front of their teams — and in person — as much as possible. This doesn’t mean rescinding virtual arrangements — all indications are that they’re here to stay as a preferred normal. Rather, for leaders, it means being creative and intentional to make sure you’re seen when it matters, rather than promoting a general “butts-in-seats” approach. This matters as much for the CEO as a first-time manager. Here are four visibility strategies for leaders of hybrid or fully remote teams.

Make hybrid in-office days about communicating key messages in person.

Companies are improving at using in-office days, but there are still too many complaints about being one of few in the office, having to sit at one’s desk and videoconference, or of days overpacked with in-office meetings. This is why coming into the office feels like bad face time — it’s unproductive.

Leaders should consider their office days as communication days. One of the best uses of this time is to talk about issues that matter, where context and clarity are important. Query employees ahead of time to see what they’re missing from leadership interactions and allocate your time carefully. Your in-person time may require a combination of individual and group meetings, office hours, and walking the halls. It’s better to have fewer days in the office with full teams present (a hub day) than a few people in on different days. Having good team representation on those in-office days will make two-way communication easier.

Embrace video as your backup.

Being face-to-face is best, but video is the next-best thing. For fully or partially remote companies, this may be the only option. Leaders should use cameras liberally as the way to be seen. Yes, we’re all Zoomed out. But even if others don’t, managers should still have their cameras on in most situations, and always when discussing a tricky topic.

The proximity bias, where we pay most attention to those in front of us, gets supercharged on video calls. We give far more attention to the people on camera (versus audio only) because they appear to be beside us. Remember the feeling of being in a conference room with a few people dialing in on speakerphone who you mostly forgot were there? It’s the same effect on a videoconference. Leaders will get — and keep — more attention for their messages by showing their faces.

Manage your body language.

If people are watching you in person or on video, you want to ensure you’re supporting your message rather than undercutting it. Much of this is determined by how you carry your words through your physical presence. When there’s uncertainty, presence matters even more.

We don’t often practice our delivery of more routine messages, and that’s to our detriment. This doesn’t have to make you feel self-conscious or over-rehearsed. Start by taking a moment before a meeting or conversation to determine your intention, such as instilling calm or generating excitement. Then check in with yourself during your conversation to ensure your body language is receptive and in alignment with your message. For example, if you want to show excitement, you should be smiling and animated.

Most importantly, don’t accidentally detract from your message. On video, common habits like slouching back into a chair or looking away at another screen can do more damage than you think. A simple acronym I use with clients for an in-the-moment body scan is OUT: Keep your body language open, posture up, and lean toward the other party (in this case, your camera). Also check your face to align with your intent: soften features, smile, or stay neutral, as appropriate.

Use your energy strategically.

One of the first aspects of a person that we pick up is their energy, and we pay the most attention to leaders. You know how your boss walks in the room much more so than how the intern does. As the saying goes, “the leader brings the weather.”

Leaders should recognize this and use their energy strategically in front of their teams. Energy exists on a continuum, and we can use it to bring others along. This is especially key when conveying tough messages, assuaging uncertainty, or gaining buy-in. This is why any complex message is better delivered in person, but in virtual settings, energy matters just as much or more.

I suggest thinking of your energy like a dial and aiming to be a few points above or below your audience. If you want to calm people down, come in a few points calmer than where your audience is. If you want to excite them, come in a few points higher. Any more variance and you risk looking clueless or out of touch.

. . .

When considering the need for face time, leaders should first look at themselves. It’s less necessary to have people in view at any given time than it is to make yourself visible to others when it matters. Instead of regressing into the trap of useless face time, try to surgically apply it toward engaging leadership and greater understanding.

This article also appears in Harvard Business Journal.

The post Face-to-Face Time with Employees Still Matters appeared first on The Hedges Company.

If you could listen in on management meetings, you’d hear just about every company having a conversation about returning to the office. Whether with a hybrid model and a set number of required days or a default work-from-home with rare hoteling, most organizations will not look like they used to. Very few companies are requiring a return to full-time, in-person work any time soon. That means when the fall arrives, workers will all be undertaking a massive experiment (once more) together: the occasional office.

HR executives and corporate leaders are working furiously to figure out what norms will be required to get the collaborative benefits of co-working while maintaining the flexibility people have gotten used to. Even when health conditions allow a packed office, a talent-strapped labor market will pull companies in the other direction. Studies show that as many as 87% of workers want to remain at last partially virtual, with as many as 50% saying they’ll quit if forced back full time.

Companies have also seen their own upsides. After a decade of gnashing over work-from-home policies, this forced Covid experiment showed that productivity went up, and real estate costs could come way down. Plus, recruiters suddenly had an entire world in which to recruit talent.

So now we sit on the precipice of a new paradigm. There’s a risk that we’ll try to replicate the structures of an all in-person office once people start streaming through the doors. That would be a mistake. We have a chance to reshape the culture for the better. As this article in Harvard Business Review put it, the hybrid office can be designed with “individual human concerns in mind, not just institutional ones.” Here are some rules companies may want to consider to maximize this experience, and create positive, enduring change.

1)    Don’t meet more, meet better.

After a year of Zoom fatigue, we are all ready for a better way to meet. However, we should resist the urge to have more in-person meetings, especially eagerly filling up our in-the-office days with them. Remember what our lives of back-to-back meetings looked like pre-2020? No, we don’t want that again.

We’re not the same workers who left the building. We have more options than ever about sharing information, and a drastically increased comfort level with virtual tools. Let’s be strategic. If it can be emailed or discussed on Slack, we don’t need to meet about it. If a virtual meeting is more expeditious than schlepping everyone into the office, so be it. In general, have people together when that’s the only, best or most efficient way to solve the issue. We don’t have to use the office just for meetings, so…

2)    Let people decide how they’ll use the office.

Corporate leaders are invested in maximizing their sunk costs for real estate, and have deeply held ideas about what an in-person office should look like. Yet energetic collaboration sessions and enthusiastic team buildings may not be what workers are yearning to get back. Instead of forcing a common use of the office, let people decide how they’ll use it.

For some, a quiet place to do individual work whenever they need to might work best, saving routine team meetings for virtual when everyone’s remote at the same time. Others may want their teams in the office on the same days to maximize collaboration and spontaneous discussions. Or a work group may choose to do few required days in the office, but to spend them differently altogether, such as a home base for sales calls.

Rather than forcing a one-size-fits all model for the office, trust people to decide for themselves. The word trust does heavy lifting here: employees have proved for an entire year that they’ll put in the hard work outside the office and expect that to be recognized.

3)    Embrace lunch-time laundry.

Gone are the days when we had to sneak out to run an errand during lunch. We’ve seen inside the messiness of everyone’s lives and appreciated that freedom over our time is life changing. Let’s stick with the no-shaming when a colleague is out for a run to take a stress break at 3 p.m. Most workplaces learned to embrace people’s need to take care of their own stuff, and their own mental health, as they see fit. We can judge people on their outcomes, and let them get their laundry done when they need to.

4)    Give people control over their travel.

There isn’t an executive I know who hasn’t realized how useless much of their travel schedule was. Days and days were spent flying to places when a virtual meeting solved 90% of the problem. Now that people can travel, let them decide when they actually need to. Yes, in-person meetings will always be necessary at times. And, they can be judiciously scheduled. We may tumble back into business travel faster than we intend if we’re not careful. Pressuring people to “get back on the plane” should be guarded against. Instead, encourage people to travel only when necessary. As a bonus, it’s better for our health and the environment.

5)    Replace face time with quality time.

One concern that’s been voiced is that remote workers will miss out on valuable face time, and therefore be at a career disadvantage. While this is a valid concern, it’s a before-times concern. Face time was important to advancement because we said it was. There’s no reason that must continue.

Relationships, on the other hand, will always be critical. Our cultures should be set up to encourage quality connections—working on projects together, mentoring, cross-training, and collaborative meetings. If we create opportunities for true relationships, then we need fewer, shallow touch points. While being in the office concurrently may help with either, it won’t be enough when only partially occupied.

Companies, and workers, need to figure out how to foster new relationships and to make them count. We have a lot to do, and don’t need to be wasting in-person days to show our face around for political points. We have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to shape the culture of how we work. Let’s embrace the occasional office, and make the commute (and hard pants) truly worth it.

This article can also be found on Forbes.com.

The post Welcome to Your Occasional Office (Here are the Rules) appeared first on The Hedges Company.

If the past year has taught us anything, predicting is a fraught exercise. We stumbled out of 2020 shellshocked and hopeful, only to find that 2021 still has untold adventures in store for us. Still, there’s a sense of progression, as humans are determined to look forward. Businesses are starting to gingerly plan, and markets are exuberantly supporting them. People are even booking vacations again, though with solid cancellation clauses to be safe.

As a coach, I get glimpses into a wide range of organizations, their cultures and their workers. It’s an anthropology study of sorts, as I witness how companies are positioning themselves, and interact with employees about how they are adjusting to those expectations. One theme I’m hearing consistently is that while companies want to diligently push back toward normal, employees aren’t so sure. The relationship between work and self has fundamentally shifted. Workers are questioning just about everything, taking a determined pause to ask: Why was I doing that?

2021 is shaping up to be a reset year.

Now, this may not be outwardly discussed as people stoically show up as good stewards in their marathon Zoom offsites and express optimism about going back to the office. But it’s a raging debate for many, many people personally.

According to Pew Research, 86% of Americans believe the pandemic has lessons for humankind. And while change will play out on a societal scale in ways we can’t yet guess, there are many personal decisions that are beginning to coalesce around common themes. To be clear, this isn’t a future of work story: plenty of prognostications about that. Instead, it’s about how workers are processing this moment. Here are questions I’m hearing – see if they resonate for you.

1)    Why would I ever go back to traveling so much?

This is the most common sentiment I hear from clients: they never want to go back to the same level of pre-pandemic travel. It doesn’t mean that they want to eschew all travel; after all, some in-person meetings are definitely missed. But overall, the knee-jerk approach to get on a plane has been revealed to be a time-waster when video is a decent replacement. As an aside, I’ve noticed revelations about ego creeping into these conversations. It seemed “important” to jet off for business, and now the hollowness of that has been revealed. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.

2)    What if I traded some achievement for more fulfillment?

In one recent conversation, a successful executive recounted how she has dutifully climbed the corporate ladder with little thought to achieving the next rung. She was good at achieving and she did. With the chance to slow down, she realizes that being at the top of the hierarchy is financially rewarding but personally draining. She misses being in the thick of the workstream versus managing from above, and her current industry doesn’t match her values. I’ve heard many variations of this theme. With the benefit of space and time to think, people are reflecting on what gives them meaning and a sense of purpose. Achievement may provide that, but if it doesn’t, workers are actively questioning the path they’ve previously just accepted.

3)    How can I preserve more time with family?

There have been many popular jokes about the amount of forced family time we’ve endured. For a majority, it’s the most continuous time they’ve spent with their immediate families in their entire lives. While it’s had its challenges, there have also been rewards: more meals together, deeper conversations, and a front-row seat into each other’s lives. Many people have relished this closeness, and don’t want a complete fallback to a schedule that takes it away.

4)    How can I maintain flexibility for better life satisfaction?

When people started working from home, after the initial shock wore off, they fell into a frenzied pattern of overwork. It required more effort to learn new ways of connecting and producing. Workloads increased with uncertainty. Without natural breakpoints like commutes or walks to lunch, the day quickly became endless Zoom meetings with even longer working hours. At some point, most jobs right-sized to a more sustainable norm. We realized what was necessary and what wasn’t. Most importantly, people learned how helpful flexibility was to life satisfaction.

Workplaces became forgiving of informality and life circumstances – being caught on video in a T-shirt with a toddler on your lap was cute, not career-impacting. People liked being able to take a break in the middle of the day to work out or run an errand. They learned that scheduling thinking work where and when they had the most energy was time-efficient and productive. In short, having control over their time has been life-changing in ways most professionals hadn’t before understood. As one colleague recently quipped, “What am I going to do when I have to show up for face time again?” Now that they know what flexibility provides, people are contemplating how to preserve it.

5)    What if less is more?

The pandemic has taken away the volume of our lives as we’ve had to settle for less of just about everything: experiences, travel, friends, work opportunities. Everyone is hungry for normalcy again. And yet, I also hear people contemplating whether or not they needed as much as they thought they did to be happy. On a population level, we’ve pared down our lives to what’s most important, and prioritized the heck out of that. There are aspects of life we miss and want to increase at the first opportunity, and others that may go by the wayside. People are trying to delineate what they truly need to be fulfilled, and contemplating how they might make permanent changes. If you could have more of what you need, would you sacrifice some of what you thought you wanted? Turns out, maybe.

As I write this in the first months of 2021, these themes represent a snapshot in time. I’m curious to see how these desires translate into realities. Of course, we have no way of knowing how people’s feelings will change from here. If history is a guide, the roaring 20s may well repeat. Or we may have matured into our own time, with its own unique waters to swim in. Right now, we’re still standing on the riverbank, considering the question of how we want to jump back into a current that was strong and swift. With this reset, we have a bit of time to figure it out, though how much time is still anyone’s guess.

This article also appears on Forbes.com.

The post Why 2021 is Your Reset Year appeared first on The Hedges Company.

When I ask my two teenagers about remote school, they tell me it’s all the work and none of the fun. They still have the pressure of grades, homework, and college prep, but without the joys of friends, after-school activities, and new experiences. With no clear end in sight, the situation feels both uncertain and threateningly permanent.

Most adults can relate to this because we feel similarly. Even parts of our jobs that we thought we disliked (hello travel!), we’re realizing actually had overlooked rewards (goodbye novelty). It can feel like we’re all in a massive unplanned retirement experiment, where the days pass quickly with little to differentiate them. Same home office, different Zoom calls. Is it the holidays already? Vaccines look promising, but experts warn that the impacts and timing can’t yet be determined.

Even if we are in the office, it’s definitely not the same. Instead of eagerly catching up in the breakroom, we’re watching our distance and trying to not be super spreaders. Business travel is rare but occurring, though being packed tightly on a plane in a pandemic is not exactly relaxing.

Work – and life – is simultaneously boring and very stressful. The level of anxiety in our environment is unmatched in most of our lifetimes. This stress bleeds into everything else. It can be hard to feel great about your promotion when your neighborhood restaurants are shuttering.    

And yet, being the resilient humans that we are, we put on our literal and figurative masks and keep going. We still have a need for joy, engagement, surprise, and delight. I go back frequently to the words of the poet Jack Gilbert, “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.” Seems about right.

This is our normal for now, and until further notice. Work done well needs to have moments of deep satisfaction and joy. The question becomes, how we get more of what we love about our job back into our day-to-day?

Anchor back to what you love.

It’s easy to forget what you actually do love about your job when the work situation feels pared down, disconnected or even completely different. To start, spend some time recalling what you enjoy about your work. Consider one of your best days or projects. What felt energizing? What were you doing when you lost track of time? What tasks made you excited to share? When you have a sense of those moments, write them down so you have a list of what’s made your work fulfilling.

Challenge yourself to recreate those situations.

After you have a sense for what you love about work, pick a few and see how you can create them in our current environment. For example, if you loved travel because you got to meet new people, how could you meet new people virtually? If you thrived in creative brainstorming meetings, how could you organize your time to be in more of those?

This is not to gloss over the fact that many things are patently hard to recreate – just that we usually have agency to regain positive aspects of our work that we’ve lost. For me, I miss being in conversations with groups of people where we all walk away with gained perspective. I’ve made it a point to create more interactive virtual offerings to model this environment – they aren’t an exact replica but the conversations are dynamic and invigorating.  I’ve also joined a few professional development circles where we push each other to learn and grow. Would I rather be in a room with everyone? Sure, but this also works.

Be a creator of connection.

Seven months into the pandemic, and we’ve already gone through a couple of cycles. We had hyper communication, then Zoom fatigue, and now we’re in a grind it out phase. Some new communication norms have been established, and otherwise, we’ve settled into a rhythm where we assume everyone is busy and try to be judicious about asking for others’ time.

While it’s good to limit unnecessary meetings, what’s getting lost is serendipitous connection. Studies show that we are communicating more with fewer people, and our indirect connections are atrophying. Because we need a multitude of relationships for career advancement, personal growth, and inspiration, this trend deserves attention. Many people lament the pandemic’s negative effect on connection and would love a remedy – so there’s an opportunity to take the lead. One client of mine has gotten together a small group as “thought partners” – with both direct and indirect connections. They gather one morning a month to compare ideas, brainstorm, and give each other advice. While it was my client’s idea, the entire group is grateful to be in community.

Small teams and big ideas.

Research is starting to emerge around how teams are thriving during this period. Two themes are emerging and converging: working with small teams and tackling big ideas. Teams that find ways to coalesce around solving important issues tend to have the most engagement. This is related to the last point – when people create a community and do their best work they will be more connected to it.

Further, without the spontaneous aspect of the workplace, our jobs can feel painfully routine. Taking on something new, with new people, can give us the lift we need. Again, this may not just happen but require us to put the wheels in motion.

Follow your energy.

Finally, a reason we need to connect back to joy in our work is because it fuels energy, creativity and passion. Our energy gives us signs that we’re on a positive path if we pay attention. While it may take momentum to start something new, if we’re doing something we enjoy, the energy starts to flow.

This is a time that requires experimentation. Not everything we try will pay off. Meeting new business contacts on Zoom may not be very engaging to us, so we decide to double down on working in cross-functional teams instead. Let your energy be a source of information – whatever you do should be creating more of it.   

The post Remember What You Loved About Your Job? It’s Still There If You Look. appeared first on The Hedges Company.

There’s one phrase I hear more than any other in coaching conversations with leaders right now: “I just don’t know.”   

We lack clarity about where any of this is going – the virus, the economy, our lives, or our jobs. Just when we think we have a new normal it gets upended again with exploding cases or imploding economic news. It feels as if our country is on simmer, and we hope we can keep the dial in the right position to not have it erupt in a full boil.

For the first time in most of our lives, we can’t predict much of anything. And yet, from leaders, people are craving answers. People want assurances, direction, hope, and actionable information. For those in leadership positions, it can feel dicey to determine what to say when you lack certainty. You may even fear losing credibility or making things worse with the wrong information.

When you’re in this situation, it can help to have the actual words to form a place to start. While there are many helpful ways to respond from empathy, here are a few messages that can go a long way as salves for others in this moment. While they don’t provide certainty of the future, they do show certainty of support – something everyone can benefit from having.

It’s okay to feel worried or afraid.

The professional demeanor we’ve been trained to cultivate is stoic, even-keeled and positive. That can make it especially stressful when our internal feelings are exactly the opposite. Getting through the day can feel like an exercise in collective gaslighting: Everything is fine! I’m good! When leaders can normalize the anxiety nearly everyone is having, it takes away some of its power and frees up energy spent trying to maintain a perfect image. I’ve heard many clients remark at how inspiring it’s been to hear leaders present an unvarnished view of their own struggles.

I support you.

With workers rarely seeing each other live, it’s easy to feel disconnected from the organization. As one client recently noted, there’s not even office gossip anymore. People want to know that their leader has their back, especially when routine touch bases are harder to come by. This is a time for support to be explicit and underlined, rather than implied. It helps people to focus if they know that whatever happens, they won’t be hanging out there alone.

We don’t know how this will go, but we’ll figure it out.  

The only thing we know is that we don’t know how this will play out. Even the most esteemed economic and public health experts admit the same. Anxiety feels awful, and everyone wants as much information as possible to alleviate it. Leaders can feel impotent against this reality – yet there is hope to be found. Let people know that while we may have few reliable answers, we still have confidence in our ability to solve issues as they arise. Playing three-dimensional chess against a complex unknown just keeps everyone on a vigilant edge. Instead, we do what we can with what we know at the time.  

Find the learning.

Psychology tells us that people heal from trauma most effectively when they can find meaning from the situation. We are all trapped in a global trauma, and right now everything is still too present for most of us to figure out how to grow from it. On a smaller level however, we can find learning in our own situations. Leaders can help people to see the ways they can learn through this crisis. I’ve spoken to clients that have grown tremendously in engaging team members, showing agility, and connecting to purpose. If we can manage to find the space, we can pivot to the places where we can control our meaning. Leaders can play a big role in reminding people where to look.

Whatever happens, we’ll act from our values.  

Many companies are either in the midst of layoffs or considering them. Business models are changing quickly. Reorganizations are commonplace. Even if your company is thriving, team members hear stories of their friends having Zoom layoffs and wonder when the other shoe will drop for them. While it’s never wise to promise absolute security, you can assure people that the culture and values will endure. Knowing that any changes will come from values like care and kindness can provide a bit of stability when not much else can be counted on. If your company’s values aren’t clear, be transparent about your own. I will approach any change with integrity and care for our people.

This will pass.

Scott Gottlieb, former FDA head, recently tweeted that this is a “hard moment – but it’s a brief moment in our long history” and we have hold on for 6 months until there’s a treatment or a vaccine. It was the first time in a while that I’d heard a well-known official actually made such a decisive statement about the light at the end of the tunnel, and it evoked a profound reframing for me. While we feel suspended in reality, this will end. Pandemics don’t rage indefinitely. In the meantime, people adapt and meet the moment. (I’m blown away at how quickly we went from watching in disbelief at the public health measures in China to watching my family adapt to the same.) Call it optimism or history, but we will get to the other side of this. And it can be a needed balm to remind others, especially when they can’t see it, that there’s another side to get to. We’re certainly ready.

This post also appears on Forbes.com.

The post Leading During COVID: What To Say When You Don’t Know What To Say appeared first on The Hedges Company.

In March, I stopped writing. Despite putting out columns every month for more than decade, I could not find anything to say that seemed helpful or worthy of the moment. (A February blog post on uncertainty suddenly seemed woefully naïve.) I was focused, like most of us, on trying to ensure that the people I loved were as safe as possible. And I was desperately seeking firm enough footing so I could make a plan for everything else. But as time has moved on, and an initial couple of weeks is stretching into unknown months, the only thing clear is that anything resembling a “plan” is going to be very hard to find. Unlike most things so far in my life, my coping mechanisms of research, problem solving, and execution have limited utility in this time we’re in. Instead, as governors and public health experts remind us daily, no one knows what’s coming next. We’ll creep forward, and see.

I find this an extremely uncomfortable place to stay in. Of course we all know nothing is certain on an abstract level, but we spend our lives working toward degrees, finances, health and structures to create predictability. It’s hard to give up the security that comes from knowing.

Some people hold fast to hope. We need somewhere on the horizon that resembles a better place. What can we learn from this experience? How can we be better? What’s out there scientifically that will ease the pain and suffering? How quickly can we get back to the people and things we love?

For those lucky enough to still have jobs, they continue to go to work (mostly virtually). If they’re leaders, they need to find ways to engage and motivate when organizations are facing head-jerking declines or unpredictable changes. People look to their leaders to provide the certainty they’re seeking, causing those leaders to wonder what on earth they can provide. It’s also complicated by the fact that people are experiencing this period very differently depending on their own lens, stage of life, job, or personal situation. For some, it’s an inconvenience and for others, it’s earth shattering.

Through my conversations with clients and coaching colleagues over the past several weeks, I’ve begun hearing similar themes about navigating this time professionally and personally. I don’t purport to have any right answers, or really answers at all. I’ll simply share some things I’ve been chewing on, and sharing with others as coping mechanisms. Perhaps they will be helpful for you.

Be gentle with yourself and others.

This is not the time to maximize your productivity or expect perfection from your team. We’re in a global pandemic. People are dying. People are scared. Workers are managing remotely with kids at home in hastily thrown together office setups. The economy is in a tailspin.

Yes, we hear stories of people teaching themselves French, getting an online degree or writing a book. Many want to continue on their exact corporate development track and are hitting it hard to not miss a beat. If you can do that in your current situation, wonderful. Most people I talk to are simply trying to maintain and survive. When the river is rushing, holding steady is movement. Right now, that’s enough.

Give yourself some grace, and extend the same to others.

Recognize fear in its many faces.

Fear is a hard emotion for people to express so it gets disguised as anger, control, disengagement, or intractability. When people are fearful they look for increasing amounts of information to try to create certainty, whether that’s obsessively reading the news or barraging their boss with questions. I’ve heard from leaders who are struggling with team members who are acting out of character, even making demands that seem tone deaf for the moment. It can help to give that grace mentioned above, if we understand how much of behavior right now is actually about fear.

When I can name behavior in myself and others, I can be far more empathetic. This is a humanizing time. The most praised public and corporate leaders in the past months have been those who have acknowledged their own feelings of fear and uncertainty. To bear witness to this moment is to experience fear. It’s all around us.  

Watch out for either/or thinking.

When we’re pushed into fight or flight, our behavior is focused on quelling anxiety. Psychologists have been feverishly writing about this in order to help people manage better.

As a matter of survival, context gets lost and we devolve into either/or thinking. We can find it hard to see the inter-relatedness of a path forward. For example, many of us are trapped, or ping ponged between, managing reality with hope. If we’re too hopeful, we may miss protective information. If we’re too realistic, we can fall into despair. A more sustainable practice is to consider threading the two concepts together – as we need both. Viktor Frankl’s concept of tragic optimism fits this idea. We can face the truth while still deciding to maintain a belief that things will improve.

If you listen, you hear these polarities everywhere. It’s safe or dangerous. We have to open or stay closed. Our company will change or stay the course. As a leader, I should show confidence or admit uncertainty.

When you recognize this thinking in yourself, or hear it in others, ask the question: What would it look like to have both? (If you want a deeper dive, I recommend this exceptional book by a fellow friend and coach that’s applicable and helpful.)

Communicate more but don’t overdo it.

In March, when stay-at-home orders began, I counseled clients to communicate more than they would normally, as uncertainty calls for more touchpoints. Forced teleworking made it easy to withdraw and a steady stream of communication could help maintain community. And an added plus was that suddenly everyone was amenable to videoconferencing.

I still mostly stand by this advice, and the most productive teams I’ve seen have regular, predictable communications from leaders, and with each other. But there’s also a down side to this. We quickly learned that an occasional video call was one thing, but 8 hours of them was mind-numbing and left us exhausted. And then we had evening Zoom chats with friends and family!

People are rethinking what needs to be a video call, a phone call, and or a simple email. Communicating more is still important, but the tool should match the goal. It can also be helpful to make some communication opt-in, such as posted office hours, after-work Zoom happy hours or nonessential meetings (recording to view later). People are balancing a lot at home and at work, and flexibility is welcome.

Do something every day that makes you feel like your old self.

We know that stress causes all sorts of negative reactions, but a weakened immune system is a particularly bad one right now. Still, I find simple admonitions to reduce stress during a global pandemic less than helpful, even if well intended. Instead I’ve found it better to try to do something that feels familiar, and that brings me comfort, joy or inspiration. Reading (not news!), yoga and walking have been my go-to escapes, and I try to do one of them daily – even if it’s only 20 minutes. This past week, I’ve also started ideating on new business ideas which has felt like forward movement, and a return to my usual self.

With so many demands of us, pick something you actually look forward to. Even better, encourage others on your team to do the same. When the leader shows the importance of well-being, he or she role models it as a priority for everyone. While we can’t avoid anxiety or suffering, we can help each other find a way through this, and perhaps even come out the other side with new appreciation for each other. I guess that’s my tragic optimism talking.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of The Power of Presence and The Inspiration Code .  Find her at thehedgescompany.com and @kristihedges .

This post also appears on Forbes.com.

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If 2020 is proving to be anything, it’s going to be a wild and unpredictable ride. One look at the news and you’re confronted with uncertainty at every turn: the 2020 elections, Brexit, COVID-19, conflicting economic growth indicators, escalating climate change, and growing global tensions. Many people are feeling it. Anxiety levels are at an all-time high and growing, as people worry about their health, safety and financial futures.

While recent
events may have sped up the uncertainty, we’ve been living in a tumultuous time. Business has adopted the military
acronym VUCA – volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous – to
describe the current state of normal. It can be hard for leaders to manage an
uncertain environment for themselves, let alone keep others focused and calm.
But that’s exactly what leaders of all levels must do to remain effective and
forward-looking.

A company can’t
innovate if its workers are anxious, pessimistic and even afraid. People must
be able to cope with uncertainty in a way that’s not paralyzing.

So, what are some
proactive techniques to move forward when we’re unsure of the outcome? How can
we avoid cycling through what might
happen and stay engaged in the here and now?

Here are some thoughts
on how to, as the Brits say, keep calm and carry on, when there’s tumult just
outside the door.

Get in control of your irrational
thoughts.

Your limbic
system is responsible for the fear you experience during times of uncertainty.
And according to Dr. Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional
Intelligence 2.0, fear inhibits
sound decision-making.

The best way to combat
these irrational thoughts? Turn on your self-awareness. Bradberry argues,
“People who are good at dealing with uncertainty are wary of this fear and spot
it as soon as it begins to surface. In this way, they can contain it before it
gets out of control. Once they are aware of the fear, they label all the
irrational thoughts that try to intensify it as irrational fears – not reality
– and the fear subsides. Then they can focus more accurately and rationally on
the information they have to go on.”

Ride
the waves you can’t stop.

There’s no use in
fighting against the choppy current, especially around issues that you can’t
affect anyway. Even if it goes against your basic instincts, try to ride the
wave of uncertainty rather than using precious mental energy to create an imaginary
sense of control. When you feel yourself fixating, stop and ascertain if your
efforts can bear fruit. If not, try to let it go.

Leadership and
management writer for Inc., Peter
Economy, suggests that you should focus on “upping
communication throughout your organization, creating fluid hierarchies, being
fully transparent and improvising whenever necessary.”

Adaptability is
key at all levels. Create a cultural value around it and reward supportive behaviors
in others.

Focus on what matters.

While you try to
ignore what you can’t change, pick strategic battles you want to fight. This
may mean that instead of being overwhelmed by large trends, you focus on a core
mission. If you had to pick the top priorities for your time and energy, what
rises to the top?

Inc. columnist Eric Holtzclaw argues that now is the time to hone in on your one
true mission: “The goal of your organization – the reason
you exist and what you bring to the world – should serve as the litmus test for
everything that you do as you work through uncertainty. Staying true to your
organization’s goal helps you prioritize as you sort through the chaos
surrounding you. Make sure your company knows what its mission is, remind your team
of that goal and drive toward it.”

Collaborate, don’t hunker.

Now is not the
time to go it alone. Writing in Harvard
Business Review, career expert Patti Johnson suggests that effective
leaders consider multiple perspectives when navigating uncharted waters “by
encouraging collaboration, input, and new ideas.” She writes: “Be inclusive,
and rely less on hierarchy and more on relevant experience. Above all, avoid
the ‘I have all the answers’ trap. It’s important to know when your expertise
helps and when it’s creating a blind spot.”

When we’re under
stress, we can go inward and tighten down external inputs. Resist the urge. You
need the full capacity of your team – and the exponential impact of multiple
ideas – to navigate uncertain times.

Make incremental steps.

Uncertainty
can cause us to take drastic steps to alleviate our anxiety, and to create a
new normal. Many organizations, and people, have followed big changes with
equally big mistakes.

Instead, put together a plan composed of incremental, achievable steps. Johnson argues that this approach helps you to avoid the risks that come with making big, sweeping decisions. She writes, “Create a series of short-term plans that can evolve as the situation becomes clearer…Regularly ask your team, ‘What have we learned that must change our plans in the next three months?’”

Change
is iterative, as is our feeling about the change. Our first reaction is often
steeped in emotion, and with time a more sure-footed approach appears. Part of navigating any VUCA environment is realizing that every
step opens up new doors, and it’s only when we walk through them that we
realize what’s next.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of The Power of Presence and The Inspiration Code .  Find her at thehedgescompany.com and @kristihedges .

Photo by MARK ADRIANE on Unsplash.

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For the majority of people, work exists on a dynamic continuum of pretty good to boringly routine. Some periods are stressful and overwhelming, even disappointing or maddening, but there’s an ebb and flow to most jobs that make them manageable. If this sounds like you, count yourself lucky.

Because for others, work is a slow, painful assault on their emotional and physical health. It may start out with subtle frustrations at first, but over time work seeps into every part of their wellbeing. The best someone in this position can hope for is to get away from it outside of work hours, but this type of discontent has a way of following a person.

Consider an executive, I’ll call him Tom, who was brought in as a change agent for a global retail company. Despite promises from the C-suite to have his back, Tom found that most people were defiantly against any change and undermined his efforts at every turn. When he tried to rally support for his ideas, he was met with a stone wall of passive resistance. Seeing the lack of air cover from above, his colleagues determined to wait him out, sure that he’d give up or leave. Meanwhile, Tom felt hung out to dry.

Another example is a VP of Operations in line to become the next COO, whom I’ll call May. After being promised that she’d be groomed for the top job, the company brought in a man from the outside for the position so he could bring “fresh ideas.” May watched as he floundered in the role that she could have successfully performed, while being asked by the CEO to offer her guidance behind the scenes. May felt constantly dishonored and undervalued, with soul-crushing run-ins to navigate every day.

These are two examples, but I could just as easily have written 20. In executive coaching, we see it all. A not insignificant number of people are seriously unhappy in their work, and aren’t sure what to do about it. Not everyone can simply leave, and it’s hard to determine what approach will correct a situation.

The status quo can be untenable, and even unhealthy, so finding the right path forward is a constant concern. If you’re finding yourself in toxic work conditions, the first question to ask is: Who do I want to be in this situation? If you anchor to your values, you’ll come from your greatest position of strength. For example, if I know that I have to respond with my value of integrity, I’m more likely to feel confident expressing an unpopular, but necessary, opinion. Note: we often jump to the “how” to fix or escape our work issues. When we’re feeling emotionally beaten down we’re not able to access the full range of our options – exhaustion and defeatism are similarly draining. If we start with “who” we want to be, then the right “how” will be clearer to see.

Are there situations that are so soul-grinding and damaging that you should just head for the doors? Absolutely, though only you can decide which ones fit that category for you. In my work with clients, I’ve seen the following be hard to bounce back from.

·       You’re pushed to do something that feels wrong. Whether it’s deceiving customers about a product release or padding sales figures, if you’re being asked to take actions that you believe to be wrong, beware. Ethical companies will let you voice your concerns without retribution, and if your opinion isn’t honored or you feel retaliated against, this will only get worse. There’s no grey area in integrity.

·       The company shows disdain or distrust of employees. All managers vent about employees from time to time, but some cultures have a deep distrust for the people who do the work. This is rarely voiced directly, but you can see it through policies meant to keep people in their place rather than assuming good intent. Of course some jobs are set up to be monitored, such as call centers. But if you’re working a professional job and the company is doing things like monitoring your work habits, instituting onerous expense policies, or expressing contempt for employees who want to advance, then that’s revealing an underlying culture. This can also show up as valuing anyone on the outside over someone internal, such as the case with May cited above.

·       Your team never respects family commitments. No workplace can accommodate every personal situation, but in general, you should be able to have a personal life while holding down a job. Many times the official culture heralds work-life balance, yet one’s work team requirements make this functionally moot. If you have to sheepishly make excuses to drop your kids at school or to take a day off to visit your parents, then your work doesn’t respect your larger life. This will get old, as few people are willing to sacrifice their family indefinitely.

·       You can’t get behind the company’s cause. The thing about companies is that they change. They enter new markets, shut down business lines, and become led by different leaders. You can wake up one day working in a very different company than the one you joined – and the company’s cause may not be one you can accept. Think about the public falls from grace from companies in Silicon Valley, where people thought they joined a creative, accepting culture only to find out that it was anything but. Our energy is limited, and it’s very hard to work our heart out for a cause we reject at our core.

·       Your values don’t fit with the culture. Finally, this issue comes up a lot in coaching where a client can’t figure out why exactly they are so bothered by their work. When this happens, I have them put their own values beside the values of the company – and chances are there’s a big mismatch. It saps our energy, creativity, joy, and passion to act against our values. Even if we can do the work; it’s not enough. Eventually, our performance suffers as well. Values are deeply held and hard to change – both the company’s and our own. You’re far better off changing your job, and making sure your values are top of mind when you decide where to land.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of  The Inspiration Code and The Power of Presence. Find her @kristihedges.

This post also appears on Forbes.com.

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Everyone likes to look smart. After all, the alternative isn’t very desirable. But looking intelligent isn’t as straightforward as it seems. In order to show our competence, we rattle off our accomplishments, point to our experience, and speak with assembled confidence. While this might work in some situations, it can actually have a negative effect. When we’re self-focused, we lose an opportunity to build trust and can repel the people we want to like us. Further, research shows that many of the affects we use to appear smarter, such as serious expressions and big words, actually backfire.

It’s ironic that we spend so much time worrying about projecting competence that we ignore the chance to actually grow smarter. We put our energy into finding the right thing to say, instead of creating learning conversations. If we want to show up as intelligent and competent, we should master how to hold conversations that increase wisdom for everyone.

Leadership coaches know deeply the power of asking questions. When you learn how to get truly curious and see the response to great questions, you realize the implications this has in every aspect of our lives. We are our most helpful, competent, and inspiring when we ask powerful questions and let go of the need to make pithy statements. And studies show we’re also more likable.

By asking great questions we’re providing an invaluable service to others – giving them the mental space to process their own thoughts. Think about how you talk to your best friend when you have a problem. She doesn’t have to tell you anything. She can simply ask empathic questions and allow you to talk through your issue. You leave feeling 10 pounds lighter because you reflected on the issue and know what to do.

Adding powerful questions to your own communication repertoire is a small change with major benefits. Consider these situations where we can enhance the way we relate to others by asking better questions:

Advising a team member on his or her performanceFacilitating a meeting discussionHelping someone changeDealing with a difficult issue with a colleaguePositioning for a promotionInterviewing or being interviewed for a job

I could go on. In fact, in most instances where we go in trying to say something just right to show our competence, we can only make a stronger case by asking more and better questions. And ironically, we actually look smarter by losing the need to prove how smart we are, and focusing on learning with the other person.

Powerful questions make people stop and think. They create space in others. They get to the core of an issue and cause our perspective to expand. They’re based on curiosity, and tend to start with “What” and “How” versus “Why,” which can put people on the defensive. They aren’t loaded or leading, but arise from the situation and the dialogue. They show empathy and interest, and make conversations deeper and richer.

If you want to experiment with using more questions in your own life, I suggest making a list of great questions that you hear. As you gain comfort incorporating questions, they will flow naturally. However, in the beginning it can help to have a list of go-to questions to get you started. Below I’ve listed some of my favorite questions that elicit reflection and thoughtful responses:

What matters most?What’s possible?What’s meaningful about this for you?What would you do if you were me? If undecided, what would (joy, passion, confidence, etc.) do?What are you willing to commit to making it happen?What do you have the most energy around?If anything was possible, what would you do?How will you know you’ve been successful?Rate this issue 1-10. How could you move it by 1 point? 2 points?

For many of us, using questions over statements is a radical departure from everything we’ve learned about proving ourselves – an especially tricky exercise in situations known for being proving grounds like interviews and meetings. Try to start with an interaction that feels less fraught, such as an informal chat with a colleague. See how the conversation differs if you mostly ask great questions. And start paying attention around you. You may notice people already using questions in powerful ways that you didn’t realize. They’re often the one viewed as the smartest person in the room.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of  The Inspiration Code and The Power of Presence. Find her @kristihedges.

This post also appears on Forbes.com.

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People like to learn and grow. This is generally true from our earliest days through our last days.

In the workplace, however, this desire for learning gets lost. It isn’t generally due to a lack of opportunity. Companies spend large amounts to create training options for employees, from online classes to extensive leadership development programs. Studies consistently show that growth is the most important variable in employee retention. Younger generations are even more likely to value personal growth over increased pay at work.

So, if we like to learn and learning is available, why is corporate training so often seen as ineffective – and even unwelcome? HR leaders can tell you they are dinged if they offer programs and dinged if they don’t. People say they want skills training then don’t show up to programs or complain about the extra commitment.

Many programs aren’t set up to work with how adults want to learn. Adult learning theories show that internally motivated, self-directed learning is the most successful and rewarding. If something feels forced or arbitrary, people rebel, often in passive-aggressive ways.

Yet, people also get so locked into negative impressions about the value of a program that they don’t come in with an open mind and thus, get what they expect. You can be exposed to the best opportunities and not take advantage of them.

If you want to grow professionally and truly expand your capacity, then take the reins. Most professionals have both opportunity and motivation, they just need to adjust how they orient themselves to learning so it becomes energizing. Consider these guidelines:

Determine what skills you’re excited (versus supposed) to learn.

Work life is full of “shoulds.” People have many ideas about what someone in their role should be learning, whether it’s a new software package or how to motivate a team. Too often, what you feel like you have to learn isn’t what you want to learn, and this makes growth exponentially harder.

Do the upfront thinking work to determine what you’re excited to develop. Adults typically enjoy learning what’s immediately relevant, practical and applicable, so that may be a good place to start. Make a list, notice how you feel about the options, and rank them accordingly. Start with the areas that seem exciting, interesting or fun. This doesn’t mean that you won’t ever have to learn any of the “shoulds” but if you start in a topic that intrigues you, you’re more likely to gain context that makes other skills more interesting.

Find out what’s available from your company, and also consider alternatives.

Most professionals don’t see how much their company actually supports in the training and development areas. Whether from lack of marketing from HR or overwhelm from the employee base, there tends to be a gaping hole of information around learning. If you have a skill you’d like to pursue, start by going to your company and asking if they support any related programs. You may be surprised at your options.

Additionally, there are countless options outside your company if you want to go in a different direction or there’s nothing internal that fits. There are free and paid independent training programs, leadership coaches, university sponsored sessions, and public access Ivy-league classes. There are so many options it can be overwhelming. Do some crowdsourcing by asking around to see what your peers have found interesting. Whether it’s inside or outside of your company, your time is valuable so choose what appeals to you.

Be honest with yourself about how you prefer to learn.

We all have ideas for what we’d love to do if only time and money were no object. But they are likely big objects! Be realistic about how you prefer to learn given your current situation. Sure, devoting one week a month to attend a leafy college campus’s leadership program might seem like just what you need, but if you never find the right time then it stays an idea. The same is true for online learning – it’s easy to sign up and just as easy to blow off.

Do you learn best in-person or virtually? Are you a reader or do you prefer experiential learning? How much time can you devote without feeling resentful? Will you embrace homework or never do it? What type of learning cohort would you find most valuable?

Make the barrier to commitment, and growth, as low as possible for yourself by selecting learning options that work with your learning style. This doesn’t mean that you can’t try new things, just that you’re honest about what’s likely to work and what’s a stretch.

Adopt the attitude that you can always learn something new.

Having spent time in programs with thousands of leaders from their 20s to their 70s, I’ve seen how genuine curiosity and an openness to learning greatly impacts growth. Some people, regardless of their expertise or success, take a posture that they can always learn something new. They show up to learn, and the funny thing is that everyone learns the most from them. They ask questions, share, interact with others and contribute to the greater learning environment. They take responsibility for their own learning, and seek out what’s relevant. They expect to grow, and they give themselves the space to do it.

You never know what you can learn when you begin a development opportunity. It might be from the instructor or the person sitting next to you. It could be a new tool (i.e. a delegation model), or an epiphany due to your reaction against that new tool (i.e. I no longer enjoy management). You may not know walking in the door, and that’s the opportunity. Because when we put ourselves in environments that are conducive to learning, and we look for places to expand ourselves, we exponentially increase our chances of growth. If you believe that process is valuable, it will be.

Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of  The Inspiration Code and The Power of Presence. Find her @kristihedges.

This post also appears on Forbes.com.

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