Jacquee Kahn's Blog

Do you feel like you’re in a situationship, but what you really want is a real relationship?

The Urban Dictionary defines a situationship as “a relationship that has no label on it, like a friendship, but not quite a relationship.” There are “benefits” in a situationship, but because the relationship is never defined, there’s often an imbalance where one person gets everything they want, while the other's wants and needs are never met. If you’re reading this, you’re probably that person.

• Are you unhappy in your current situationship?
• Are you only getting crumbs, and you don’t know where you stand?
• Do you want things to progress, but they’re at a standstill?
• Is your heart is constantly hurting?

GIRLFRIEND 911 to the rescue! My book is here to help you take your bad situationship and turn it into a rad relationship.
I've devised a foolproof Girlfriend 911 program – a formula for attracting and maintaining a healthy relationship. In relatable girlfriend-to-girlfriend language, my instructions are easy to follow. I provide fascinating relationship “case studies” to prove my program works, and I expose the root cause of relationship failure. I skillfully illustrate how to achieve relationship success when you get with my program.

My Girlfriend 911 program will teach you :

• How to set standards and boundaries and avoid being taken for granted
• The best way to spell out exactly what you want from a relationship so you’re not stuck in limbo land that is a situationship

• How to really deal with a man who can’t commit

• How to take your power back, get in the driver seat, and never compromise yourself again

• What to do if you get ghosted
• The 5-key ingredients to getting and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.


In my book, GIRLFRIEND 911 I will provide you with an invaluable set of relationship tools to make sure you stop repeating the negative toxic patterns of your past, and only attract rad relationships in your future. Available at Amazon: http://amzn.to/girlfriend911

If you have any questions, please contact me at: contact@gf911.com - I'd love to hear from you ❤️

Dear Girlfriend 911,

Even though I don't know you, I felt compelled to write and tell you so that you know that reading your book and following your advice saved me, and possibly my life! I am not even joking.  Cutting off communication with my ex was not only healing, but eye opening on what I really need in a realtionship. If I would have kept going on trying to be "friends" with him, the confusion would have made me do something that I would be embarrassed about, or worse, I would have looked psycho to everyone. Not sure what I would have done, and I shudder at the thought of it.

So, now after almost one and half months of not talking, I finally have true clarity. I am completely over him and the situation! I am at pure peace and bliss right now. There was such a fog over my eyes and a hurt that I didn't want to confront. I give so much gratitude to you and your book, your insight and your advice. So many of my friends cannot believe how far I have come. I know that cutting communication with him really saved me. I cannot thank you enough!

I am sending so much love and light your way. Please know that I honestly could not have done this without you and your book. I am truly blessed to have you as a part of my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Forever Grateful

Why do women always find a 101 excuses why men don't text or call them? And when they don't hear from them, why do they text and call way too often just to make certain they haven't forgotten about them? The truth is, when a man is ready for a commitment, ready to be in a relationship, ready to be with you, nothing will stop him from stepping it up and sending you all the right signals so you never have to worry that he's not into you. I came across this blurb on my Facebook feed and it just reinforced for me everything I talk about in my book GIRLFRIEND 911. When a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you. That's it. Period.
"When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all of the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc...it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority!"  

Dear Girlfriend 911,

I have thoroughly read your book and think it is a great read. Thank you so much for writing this book and providing insight on dating, relationships and men.

After a year and a half friendship with a man, he decided he wanted to "step up his game" (his words). He let me know that he knows he wants to be with me when he gets ready and I am the only person he has feelings for like that. We have talked about the number of kids we want to have, marriage, etc, however, is giving me mixed signals.

Throughout our friendship, we have always had an interest in one another and didn't act on it until he let me know how he really felt and two months after that we became intimate. He continues to be distant, doesn't always respond to calls and text messages, so I have decided to do the same. I respond to every other text message and I see the energy shifting, but it is a slow process. I did ask him if we were ready to move things forward and he was honest in telling me he has fear of failure and destroying our friendship. He told me he wants to remain friends and we can do that with or without continuing to be intimate. I let him know I am scared too. I am not sure what happened that made him make this shift, to go from talking about spending the rest of our lives together to now wanting to stop at friendship, because of fear of failure.

There are positives, he values what we do have and he was honest with me, but of course I want more and I want it all. Recently, we had some miscommunication, where he thought I was spending time with another man, that was not the case, but text messaging can get confusing. From that, I found out he is jealous if I spend time with someone else and he asked me what I do when he isn't around (he travels a lot) and I asked him the same question. Both of us said, we are by ourselves and I asked why he asked me that question and he said, you don't know unless you ask.

I REALLY want things to work out with this man. We share similar interests, he has qualities I do admire, however his lack of communication and inconsistency is frustrating me. Of course, I am scared to send the Goodbye Letter. I walked away from him in November, he told me he would have to swallow hard and let me go. It drove me crazy, so I caved after 2 weeks, we talked and have gone back to our same routine because for me it was better for him to be around than not at all.

Could you please provide me some thoughts on what I have stated about my relationship.

Thank you so much. I want 2013 to be a great year for me and I want that to include a committed relationship.

Sincerely,
Christie

Dear Christie,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for your very kind words. 

It sounds to me that although this man clearly has some serious feelings for you something is stopping him from wanting to take it to the next level and have that long-term committed relationship with you.  Maybe it's his fear of failure, but I'm not sure if I buy that entirely. We all fear failure, but most of us manage to take the leap of faith. Anyway, the bottom line is, it doesn't matter what the reason is that is stopping him from being in your life 100%, what matters is what you do. Good for you for understanding that it is NOT okay to be in a "friends with benefit situation," and being just his platonic friend is not an option for you because that is NOT being true to yourself. Your truth Christie is that you're in love with this man, and you want a committed relationship with him. So your only option for your situation is to send him a Goodbye Letter, and to cut him out of your life. He can't come back in until he's ready, and if he's never ready as hard as that is to accept, that is your answer. Trust me knowing that will save you years and years of pain and heartache. 
I know you said you tried it before and then caved, but the problem is, if you keep caving he's never going to take what you're saying seriously. He's always going to think he can manipulate you into getting what he wants, and more importantly what is comfortable for him. Either "friends with benefits," or platonic friends, which you and I both know will eventually turn into "friends with benefits" because when there's love and chemistry and attraction there, it's just impossible to stay platonic friends. Remember what the definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Have the courage to send him the Goodbye Letter otherwise it's going to be Groundhog Day for you!
Girlfriend 911

Dear Girlfriend 911,
First off I want to say that I love your book. I read it while I was single and dating and it really helped me a lot! Now that I'm single again, I have gone back to your book because I am in a situation right now where I am lost and unsure of what to do. 
A few months ago a co-worker asked me out.  I didn't think much of it in the beginning, as to me it was just going out with a co-worker as friends, but things progressed and I started having feelings for him. We then took the relationship to the next level, but no clear boundaries were established. Unfortunately, a couple months into seeing each other he announced that he had accepted a job promotion and was moving to San Francisco. I was really bummed, but we planned that I would visit him in December. Stupidly, we did not have a talk about where we stood before he left. To be honest, I was too afraid and did not want to deal with the awkwardness of the conversation, which I am regretting now. He's been gone since September. We still text each other and he does say he misses me, but I can feel he's pulling away.  
Last week, he was in town for a quick turn around to move out all of his stuff from his apartment. He texted couple days before to let me know that he was going to be in town and would love to see me. I was so excited that I was going to see him and then the next day he told me he wouldn't be able to see me because he was too busy packing. I was really upset when he told me that because he got my hopes up and I thought it was strange that he did not have any time to spare to see me, even for just an hour. 
Now he's back in San Francisco he's texts me about once a week. He does say sweet things like he thinks I'm beautiful and he misses me, but the problem is I feel really sad about the situation, and I want this sadness to go away. When I hear from him it's so wonderful and I'm happy again, but when I don't hear from him for another week I'm so sad in-between. I don't know if it's because we didn't have that talk before he left and there are things left unsaid, or because I want more and I know he doesn't because it's long distance. I know now that it would not be a good idea for me to visit him in December, because it will be a short moment of romance and then I would have to go back home. That will leave me hurt all over again. I am unsure of what to do at this point. Should I continue to keep in touch with him and assume that we are just friends now? Or should I have that talk we didn't get to have about where we stand? Or should I say goodbye and let him go?
I feel so lost and helpless right now. Your advice and help would be greatly appreciated. 
Sincerely, Amy
Dear Amy,
Thanks so much for reaching out and for your kind words regarding Girlfriend 911.
The reason you're feeling so sad is because you've been operating from a place of fear, and fear is very disempowering. Also, you haven't set an appropriate boundary in this situation and you've given all your power away to your co-worker; he's the one calling all the shots and you're just going along with HIS plan, never getting a chance to tell him YOUR plan. 
Even if what you ultimately want from this situation isn't what he wants, you have to tell him where you stand and what you want from him. Whether you do it in person, send him an email, or a text message this conversation needs to be had. Once you do this, one of two things will happen: 1)He will be on the same page as you and you guys can figure out how to have a long distance relationship or 2) Speaking your truth will set you free.
I just know as you soon as you get in the driver's seat and take the wheel so-to-speak, you're going to feel so much better and quite empowered. 
I hope this helps you. 
Best, Girlfriend 911

Dear Girlfriend 911,

Loved your book,  great advice!

I have been in a relationship with a much younger man for about 2 years. I made many of the mistakes you outlined in your book, and the relationship was rocky, but he says he is ready to commit to me on my terms. The problem is, after finding out about what he did while we were together, I don't know if I can trust him. I am still very hurt by his actions and I am not sure I can move forward with him now. I know he loves me, but I am having a very difficult time getting past the lies and deception.

It seems that you advocate forgiving all transgressions made by the man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the women's terms. Is that true? Traditional wisdom says once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you not believe that? I would much appreciate your opinion and advice because I am really struggling with this.

Thank you,
Joanne

Dear Joanne,

Thanks for reaching out to me and for your kinds words.

I definitely do not advocate forgiving all transgressions made by a man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the woman's terms. I'm not sure where in the book you thought that, or what kind of transgressions you are talking about. What I do believe is the following; the only reason the man is behaving badly in the first place is because the woman has no standard for herself, no boundary for him, and is allowing the bad behavior to continue. So, if you've read my book and are now sticking to a high standard for yourself, there shouldn't be any bad behaviors from your man, because the minute he steps out of line, it's up to you to put a stop to it and explain to him why that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

If you are specifically talking about cheating, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.  Instead, I think it really needs to be decided on a case-by-case basis.  Certainly, if there are enough red flags in the relationship; cheating, lying and deception are NOT good signs. I know women are very intuitive, so my best advice to you is to just listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't.  Trust and communication are two of the most important factors in having a healthy relationship. So if you can't trust him, then you absolutely shouldn't be in this relationship. However, if you think that your behavior and your lack of standards in the relationship contributed to the way he had been behaving, then change your behavior and see if he changes his. And if he doesn't, then that is your clear sign this man must go.

I hope this helps you.

Girlfriend 911

If your self worth is in tact and you have a high set of standards for yourself, and appropriate boundaries in your relationships you should never find yourself in this situation. However, if none of the above apply to you, it's time to re-evaluate and make some necessary changes. You never want to be the girl who accepts crumbs and is okay with being taken advantage of. 

Happy International Women's Day! I hope all you ladies out there are being appreciated for everything that you do today and every day.  Let's celebrate being women, being different, our uniqueness, and the amazing contributions women make to our world!

To follow your heart seems like the simplest, easiest and most logical relationship advice and yet most people, especially women don't. They convince themselves they're following their hearts, but what they're really following is their fear.  Fear, that they will end up single and alone, fear that society will judge them, fear that they will run out of time to have children, fear that they won't be financially secure, fear, fear, fear. This is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high, or married couples are so unhappy, because at some point this truth is revealed -- they never really listened to their hearts, they listened to their fear.

Here is some kick-ass dating and relationship advice from my book, GIRLFRIEND 911. In any dating or relationship situation as long as you set a high standard for yourself you can never go wrong. Standards describe what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. Your list of standards is basically your list of what you deserve.  Any time you accept anything less than what is on your list of standards, you are saying to a guy you're are not worthy of his love and respect. Here’s a fact men love women who love themselves, respect themselves and have the confidence to say no to a man in any situation where he doesn’t come up to her standard, or does something to put her down or make her feel less than.  
"If you want to be treated properly and respected by the man you’re dating, it is imperative that you create a list of standards for yourself. Think about these standards long and hard, and know that once you write them down, you can add to the list but not subtract from it. Your list of standards is basically your list of what you deserve. Any time you accept anything less than your list of standards, you are saying you are not worthy. On the contrary, the man you are with should feel like the luckiest guy on the planet to have landed you. Write down your list of standards and stick to them.” GIRLFRIEND 911 
Download your copy of GIRLFRIEND 911 here: http://amzn.to/2bzf1an