Miriiam Isa's Blog

L. Liz Johann, a broken soul, longs for her Valiumone morning.  Liz has had a breakdownculminating in an attempted suicide that was luckily thwarted by Jay Arman, herhusband.  Jay brings her breakfast andasks if she wants to talk about what happened the night before.  Calmly, she recounts to him the heady joysand devastating pain wrought by her first love, Adam Adnan in this bitter sweettale of love lost and found.
Liz first stumbles upon Adam when she's five intheir hometown of Johor Bahru, Malaysia. Their paths collide again one autumn when she's sixteen, a prep studentwho's sitting for SAT and applying to colleges. Adam is a university junior.  Bothare in California, USA on scholarship. Despite her naïve and skeptical view on love, Liz falls madly for Adam.  Her weekends with Adam are narrated with adose of SAT words she learns by heart. Summer comes and the couple return totheir hometown.  On their flight home,the two devise code words such as rice, fish, squid and lamb to facilitatetheir conversation in public.   Malaysia's conservative culture and constant harassmentby Lila, Liz's precocious kid sister who distrusts Adam don't stop the lovebirdsfrom their regular phone calls and occasional dates.  Their summer break culminates with Adampromising Liz she'll be his fiancée before the season ends.  
Twenty one years on, Adam finds Liz through Facebookand tempts her to email him back by reminding her about what he owes her.  In their correspondence, Adam explains why hebroke up with Liz at San Francisco Airport before she flew east to attend MIT posttheir summer break.  Devastated thoughshe was, Liz gradually overcame the heartache. She managed to almost erase Adam from memory and learned to loveagain.  She met Jay who promised her she'dget to see the world and both enjoyed travelling together.  The two got married and eventually settle inSingapore.  Adam meanwhile dropped out ofschool after the breakup.  Street wise,he managed to financially survive and after amassing enough money, completedhis study.  Adam recounts he wassuccessful career wise in USA and Canada. Nonetheless his mother's precarious health forced him to returnhome.  Fearing his mother's days were numbered,he abided by her request.  She arrangedfor him, then a thirty something man, to marry a woman of her choice.  Adam admits to Liz it's a loveless marriage butit results in two kids – reason enough for him to get up in the mornings for therest of his life.  
After the email exchange, Adam and Liz meet in KualaLumpur.  The encounter unsettles Liz whofinds herself falling for him all over again despite his physical changes.  Through their conversation, they discover poignanttwists and coincidences in their lives apart. Adam makes more promises again to Liz – this time to leave theirrespective unhappy or unsatisfying marriages and marry each other.  Before their next meeting, Liz reminiscesabout her travels in which she inadvertently remembered Adam and hinted of her unravellingmarriage with Jay.  On a drive back fromvisiting his mother, Adam recalls events in his life when he's reminded of Lizthrough the SAT words she taught him.  Days later, Adam writes another email toLiz. 
Will there ever be a chance for two people fated todeeply love each other to be together in this lifetime?  Pick up a copy of Rice, Fish, Squid and Lamb from Amazon / Barnes and Noble/ Nook / iBookstore.

I received some requests for a list of questions book club participants can use for their discussion of my first book.  I thought I'd share my short list with everyone.

1.  Why do you think the main character, L. Liz Johann is called various names throughout the book?
2.  Tuti, Sarah's sister, knows Adam even before he marries Sarah.  What's your speculation on the past link between Tuti and Adam?
3.  Why doesn't Tuti prevent the marriage of her sister to Adam from happening?
4.  Adam tells Liz a few things as she sleeps in a cafe.   What do you think those are?
5.  Liz meets an unfamiliar boy at her cousins' place when she was five.  Is the boy Adam or Jay?  Why?
6.  Did the encounter between Liz and Adam on the flight to Taipei happen?  Why?
7.  Do you think Liz has an affair with Tim even though she's married to Jay and what are the reasons?
8.  Adam emails Liz he can no longer be a part of her life because of his mother.  Is he lying?  What are your arguments for and against this?
9.  Toward the end of the story, Liz mentions to Jay she doesn't want another glass of wine Jay's going to get her after she accidentally spills her glass.  What do you think she wants instead of the drink?
10. Give a few examples of the lies Adam tells Liz.
11.  Liz asks Lila, her sister to find out the truth behind Jay's claim that he didn't have anything going on with Liz's friend from prep, Roza.  Could Lila not be telling Liz the truth even though Liz's description of Lila tells us the younger sister is a very thorough person in doing any analysis?  What makes you think so?
12.  Lila is very skeptical on Adam right from the start.  Why do you think that is the case?
13.  Give examples of inconsistencies in Adam's point of view and Liz's accounts.

I'd be happy to provide more questions if there are requests for them.

Find out what happens to Amelia at tea in the final part of Chapter 15.

Chocolate cup cakes with cream, chocolate sprinkles and maraschino cherry.  Decadent!
Chapter 15 Tok Min’s Favorite Grandchild
Soon, the adults moved to other things.  I tackled my last cup cake.  There was a ritual in the way I ate each cake.  First, I peeled off the paper cup.  I take a tiny bite from the side of the cake.  Slowly, I worked my way counter clockwise.  The best - always the middle part - I saved for last.  It was my favorite for it had the maraschino cherry on top of cream and rainbow colored chocolate sprinkles.  

Midway way through my final cake, the adults began a new discussion.  To my dismay, the topic was what they wanted their children to be one day.  Dijah announced she'd be a manager way before her parents shared their views.  Her candidness made the adults laugh.  Auntie Wong suspected Ruo Li would work with computers; lately he had been bothering her to buy one.  She had no clue what her Jian Fei would become.  Yet, she confessed she prayed hard daily he wouldn't turn into a sumo wrestler.  Laughter filled the room.  Ah Fei, ignoring everything, watched the ceiling.  His mother was curious on my parents' wish for me.  I cringed.  Papa informed everybody he and Ibu saw me being a lawyer.  The cupcake I was eating suddenly tasted bitter.  My parents, Papa boldly claimed, were convinced I could become one.  However, Papa complained, I read too many fairy tales.  I completely shut out the remaining conversation.  The last mouthful of cake, I swallowed fast.  This was followed by a greedy gulp of my tea.  It was hot it burned the insides of my mouth.  Later that night, my mouth still felt raw, not because of being scalded, but of anger.  After the cake and tea, I hoped hard I was able to keep everything down.  I didn't want Tok Min to get the wrong idea if I suddenly vomited at the table.  A lawyer was the last thing I’d ever be!  Tok Min saw through my unhappiness.

'Oh,' she laughed and interrupted the conversation.  'Amelia will get what she wants.  She'll marry her Prince Charming and they'll live a happy ever after.'

Ibu shook her head.  Papa stared at his mother in disbelief.  Then he politely asked Tok Min not to give me funny ideas.  He told everyone again I'd grow up to be a lawyer.  Ibu briskly nodded in agreement.  My parents had made the decision for me, as if it were the only job I’d do after university.  I remained quiet, seething in discontent.  Underneath the table, my hands fisted.  I held back angry tears.  All I did to calm myself was stared blindly at my empty plate.  The little flower prints dotting the border became blurred.  I knew tears were welling and I knew I had to do something.  Fast.  I started a new tale.  Once upon a time in the future, I'd be grown up.  My Prince Charming would find me.  I didn't want him to be tall, dark and handsome.  I might end up with D.J. Dave who sang beautiful Malay songs even though he was Indian.  The singer definitely wasn't my type.  My prince would be tall, fair and handsome.  Someone like...Then Papa called my name.
I looked up.  ‘Yes, Papa.’
‘Auntie Wong has asked you a question. ’
‘Oh.’  I turned to a smiling Auntie Wong.  ‘Sorry, Auntie.  I didn’t catch your question.’
Auntie Wong spoke again, accompanied by her signs.  ‘We were wondering whether you’d like to join my boys when they go fishing by the stream.  They’ll bring books for you to read.  Your parents believe you should have a more diverse selection.’
‘Books?’  I repeated, all puzzled.  What funny arrangement my parents had agreed with Ruo Li and Ah Fei's mother!
‘Not text books aaa,’ Ah Fei offered, his hand moving swiftly for Ruo Li’s knowledge.
‘We have many good story books at home.  Your parents mentioned you’re still reading fairy tales and it’s time you graduated to other kinds of books,’ Auntie Wong assured me.  ‘Perhaps you would want to drop by our house first, check out the books and borrow a few?’
‘Come, come to our house,’ Ah Fei interjected excitedly as his hand signs became wilder. ‘We have many books, Amelia.  I can lend you all my Al-chies.’
Suddenly Ruo Li shook his head.  ‘Archie’s not a book.  It’s a comic.’
Ah Fei sourly confronted his brother, his voice stern.  ‘Eh, comic is stoly book aaa.  Stoly book with pictures one.  And definitely not a fail-ly tale!’
‘Jian Fei…’ said his mother.  Her tone obviously warned her son he shouldn’t start a verbal quarrel with Ruo Li.  

Ah Fei paid a sidelong glance at her.  A sheepish grin followed and he swiftly reverted to me.  ‘Amelia!  Come aaa.  We have a nice lib-lal-ly at home.  Sure you like one.  So many books.  Big, sholt, fat, tall, sad, happy, sour!  Better than your school lib-lal-ly, and my clappy school lib-lal–’
‘Jian Fei!’ came a stinging cry from Auntie Wong for his inappropriate word choice.
‘Eh, solly.  The polite term is dleadful.  Our lib-lal-ly is better than my dleadful school lib-lal-ly.  I can gua-lan-tee one.’  His mother seemed appalled.  I didn’t know any better at that stage why she looked so.  Much later, Ah Fei proudly shared with me his sign read ‘shitty’ although he uttered ‘dreadful.’ I saw Ruo Li shaking his head in disapproval.  He was perhaps thinking the prospect of his brother being reformed to a mannered person was a complete lost cause.
Wordless, I blinked for seconds.  I didn’t know how to respond to Ah Fei. 

As usual, one of my parents, this time, Papa, made the decision for me.  ‘Amelia, you’ll go to Auntie Wong’s place next Saturday, OK?’  

My head bobbed up and down, twice. 
‘It’s important you retire from reading Grimms, Andersen and Perrault and move to something more substantial, such as the classics.  You should pick up Black Beauty, Anna Karenina, Robinson Crusoe, Wuthering Heights.’  

Slightly frowning, I slowly continued the nods as if the requests were in foreign language. I still didn't understand the meaning of substantial.  Sub-stan-tial.  It sounded like it came from Mars.  Or Jupiter.
‘Dijah will accompany you.’  

I abruptly stopped nodding and had an impulse to shake my head.  My lips curled down in disapproval.  There was nothing I could do though.  Dijah was grinning widely.
Uncle Halim suddenly remarked, ‘Oh!  I remember something.  We have to cut short our Saturday visits from next week onward.  Dijah has an extracurricular activity at her school, some leadership training for girl guides. She’s not going to be around to accompany Amelia.’ 
What a miracle!  Dijah immediately let out a dramatic sigh.  Uncle Halim reminded Dijah she was the one who insisted on signing up for the training.  My cousin glanced at me and lamented ‘Why oh why oh why?’  The adults were amused.  My face lit up with the return of my smile.  Dijah certainly would miss the opportunity to boss me around!   
‘Madam Wong,’ Papa addressed our elegant visitor.  ‘If you don’t mind, could your boys pick Amelia up from here and walk her to your house and back here?  If she feels like joining the boys before she heads home, she can do so.  Amelia can read the books by the stream while they fish.  We’re normally here Saturdays from noon until seven.  Amelia will be available say, around four o’clock.  We expect her return at six thirty, quarter to seven at latest.’
Our visitor seemed pleased.  ‘That’s a good plan, Encik Abas.  I’m positive my boys will be more than happy to show Amelia the way to our house and accompany her back.  Yes, if she’s up for it, she can join my boys near the stream.  I’ll pack some food for them so that they can have a picnic there.  I’ll make sure there’s no pork and no lard in the food.’  She turned to her sons.  ‘Right boys?’  I caught Tok Min giving me a mysterious smile, one I couldn't understand.  Not for many, many years to come.
Ruo Li gave a zesty yes.  But he asked his mother the reason behind the food restriction.  Auntie Wong explained to Ruo Li my family and I were Muslims and therefore didn’t take ham or pork.  Ruo Li nodded.  She focused on the other son, who was already eyeing the cupcakes again.  She wanted to know if he was OK with the arrangement.
Without removing his laser like attention from the cupcakes, stubby Jaws showed two thumbs up.  ‘Light on, Ma!’*

In the last installation, Dijah pestered Amelia as the latter sat at the family table for tea with three visitors - Madam Wong and her two sons.  Here's the second part of Chapter 15:
Steamed bun(pao) with sweet, red beans

Chapter 15 Tok Min's Favorite Grandchild
I ignored my cousin's teasings and focused on the spread for tea.  Tok Min made her heavenly cup cakes.  Some sardine rolls and tiny steamed buns filled with either sweet, mashed red beans or savory, curried potatoes were also there. The rolls and buns were made by my Auntie Biba.  She was my dad's and Uncle Halim's middle aged sister.  A spinster, she lived with Tok Min and tended the house.  Ibu asked me to eat.  I spied Dijah pretending to focus on her cup cakes while keeping watch on us youngsters.  I picked up two of the four remaining cup cakes from the serving dish.  They alighted on my plate. Ah Fei was smiling stiffly at me when I faced left.  He fought to contain his enthusiasm, careful not to bare his teeth following my earlier reaction.
Sardine rollsI pitched a little toward him.  Like an enthusiastic puppy, he hopped in his seat.  Then he swung his fat legs underneath the table.  I half expected him to slobber on my face if I got too close.  I thus kept a safe distance from him.  'Nice wires…' I whispered, 'like Jaws' teeth.'  He instantly stopped moving, made a pout, sulked on my joke.  I caught Ruo Li watching me.  My lips broke into a tiny smile.  When it stretched, the tall boy smiled to me likewise, warming my heart.  To my surprise, he started blushing.   Ah Fei, pouting still, shuttled his gaze between his brother and me.  Along the way, he frowned.  A little later, conscious his brother was paying too much attention to us, Ruo Li tore his attention away from me.  I suspected some of the adults might have caught him with the reddened cheeks.  However, when I studied them, they were glued to the conversation between Auntie Wong and Tok Min.  Only Dijah, grinning mischievously, gave me a wink.  Unwilling of giving her ideas on anything between Ruo Li and me, I decided to throw her off track.  Thus, I quickly smiled at Ah Fei's plate.  It was the logical thing to do.  On his plate sat eight empty paper cake cups, playfully arranged: one each for the eyes, two for the nose, and four for the crescent mouth.  I spied Ruo Li's plate.  It had only three cups. They were in a line, straight and glum.  I gazed at the fat boy.  Ah Fei was longingly eyeing the remaining cup cakes.  He smacked his lips a couple of times. 
My father called him from across the table. 'Take some more cup cakes if you want.  Don't be shy, Jian Fei.  Auntie Biba will come by with more cakes.'
Ah Fei gazed at Encik Abas – Mister Abas as Auntie Wong politely addressed him – and smiled goofily.  Auntie Wong let out another dainty laugh and began weaving signs with her hands.  'My Jian Fei is never shy when it comes to food, Encik Abas.  He writes every year in his class report that food is his favorite thing, his hobby is eating and when he grows up, he wants to be a professional eater.  I have no clue what a professional eater is but I hope in the future, my Jian Fei won't resemble a sumo wrestler.  He's however eating less than normal today.  Usually it's at least sixteen cup cakes at one go.  In the past, whenever Biba brought in more cup cakes, he'd finish them all.  He's unfortunately hurting from his braces.  That's why he's a bit restrained.  I believe it's a blessing for all.  Otherwise, he'd clean up the cup cakes and leave none for Dijah and Amelia.'
The adults and Dijah laughed.  I shook my head in amazement and glanced at Ruo Li.  He, smiling, met my glance and shrugged.  I next regarded Ah Fei.  He pitched to his right and muttered to me, strangely in a Godfather voice:  'See!  I'm not eating much because I'm very mindful of Dijah and you today.  What a good visitor I am!'
'Poor boy,' commented Ibu as she tried to glimpse his braces from across the table.
Dijah caught Auntie Wong's attention.  'Why does he need to have his whole teeth fixed, Auntie?' 
The boys' mother formed more signs for Ruo Li.  'Everything was out of alignment, Dijah.  Jian Fei has a very bad bite.  I believe it's the reason he can't pronounce some words properly.  Ruo Li however begs to differ from me.  In his view, his brother is simply being plain lazy.  Jian Fei says 'I eat lice' instead of 'I eat rice'.' Dijah laughed exuberantly.  The adults simply smiled. 
Auntie Wong sighed.  'He muddles his pronunciation on certain words, too.  Mother becomes mudder, brother becomes bludder, birthday is bird day to him.  Fortunately, he pronounces his brother's name correctly.  Therefore, there must be some truth to what Ruo Li claims.  In any case, I feel it's ideal to have Jian Fei's teeth fixed as soon as possible.  I was having a difficult time getting him to visit the dentist.  He's terrified of dentists. Ruo Li and I have to hold each of his hands as we wait for his regular checkup.  Jian Fei screams and cries, even before the dentist enters the clinic.'
The adults, amused, laughed.  Dijah chuckled shrilly at the latest news.  Ruo Li smiled.  Ah Fei was examining the ceiling.  At first I thought Ah Fei found something interesting there.  I gradually understood he was pretending to be deaf to his mother's words.
'Auntie,' said Dijah after her chuckles ended.  'What happens when the dentist arrives?'
'Dr. Goh fortunately has been taking care of Jian Fei ever since my son was very small.  Therefore he's very familiar with Jian Fei's behavior.  Jian Fei normally continues on with his act, shrieking he's scared of needles, until the dentist reminds him he'll get his lollipop at the end of the checkup only if he keeps quiet.  That usually does the trick.  However, these past years, Jian Fei has been demanding two lollipops per visit.  He strictly insists on Chupa Chups, not the ordinary lollipops you normally find at the sundry store.'  Auntie Wong shook her head a few times, while her audience laughed.  

I followed her reaction as I studied Ah Fei.  He beamed smugly at me.  Leaning to me, he muttered again, his voice a deep growl: 'See! I'm smart one!  Not mental or retarded aaa!  No more generic lollipops for me!  I've gone up market!  Only branded lollipops will do.'
Right after he leaned back, I pitched to my left and whispered, 'What's with you?  Are you the latest recruit by Cosa Nostra?'  Ah Fei, exposing his wire works, grinned at me.
'This recent trip to get the braces on was a hard one to set up,' Auntie Wong lamented. 'I tried many different tricks, since six months ago, to get him to agree to have his teeth fixed.  Thankfully, he said OK when I told him he couldn't visit your grandma's house anymore unless he gets the braces on.  It was Ruo Li's idea on the deal.'
Ah Fei quickly twisted his body to confront Ruo Li, his chubby hands on his broad waist.  I assumed the fat boy was mad at his brother for devising the plan.  Although Ruo Li was facing his twin, he remained cool.  Ruo Li stole a glance at me, gifting me an appreciative smile.  I instantly remembered my invitation to the boys the previous week.
Auntie Wong resumed her story after a sip of tea.  'Jian Fei loves your grandma's cup cakes, Dijah.  They're very soft and delicious.  I guess they are good enough to get Jian Fei's braces on.'
Tok Min patted Auntie Wong's left arm for attention.  She thanked her guest in English for the compliment.  I mused again.  As far as I recalled, with her Chinese and Indian neighbors, Tok Min normally conversed in Bahasa.  How odd my usual mode of conversation with my grandma was extended to a larger group that day!  The exchange in English had always been something sacred between her and me.  The arrangement never applied to other members of our family or visitors I could think of.  Perhaps it was because I was special to her.  'Amelia.  Never forget you're my favorite grandchild,' she said a few times so that I'd always remember.  I figured Auntie Wong and her sons therefore must be very special visitors to Tok Min.
I concentrated on my tea for the next few minutes.  Auntie Biba came to the dining room to feed us more cup cakes.  Ah Fei hungrily watched them.  I sensed pain prevented him from going for seconds.  I too caught Ruo Li peering at me a few times.  The moment I stared him back a bit too long, he shyly reverted his focus on the tea treats.  There and then I knew:  Ruo Li had a crush on me. 
My secret find made me dreamy.  The adults kept talking.  I was left behind to build sandcastles in my head.  In my fairy tale, Ruo Li would be prince for his mother was queen.  One day he'd come to rescue me from trouble.  Yet, that time was so distant I had no idea what the nature of the problem was.  Most likely, it would be something an adult had to solve.  Not like my hard math homework.  Or the endless essays I had to write for school.  I remained distracted by my tale.  Only when Madam Wong complained of her twins, I started to take note.  What bothered her most was they devised their own short cuts on alternatives to the word 'stupid'.  Those were homesigns, unique to the boys, Greek to their mother.  Poor Auntie Wong therefore sometimes couldn't keep track of the insults traded by her boys.  Especially when they had heated debates, she could easily find herself losing track of the names her sons bandied about.  While amused by the news, I paid attention to a couple more cupcakes I'd just lifted from the serving dish.  

...In other words, a chapter from my second manuscript, Blind, Deaf.  I'm going to change the game a bit.  Instead of showcasing consecutive chapters after chapter 4 , I'll be posting a random chapter.  The one I just picked happens to be a favorite of mine.  Why?  Three reasons: it gives an angle why Amelia is a feisty girl.  Second, the setting for this chapter is modeled after my late grandma's house.  The structure still stands on Jalan Tengku Puteri, Straits View, Johor Bahru.  It holds many happy memories for me and I hope the kids who attend the Montessori School there are fond of the place.  Third, weird as it may seem but I have James Bond and Pontianak thrown in for tea. (Read on, OK?)

Chapter 15 is long and I've broken it into three segments.  I'll be updating my blog in the next few days with parts two and three.  In the meantime, here's the first part - the world according to the young Amelia...

Ylang ylang flowers.  My grandma, Tok Wan Tik, used to have such plant at her house.  She used the flowers to perfume her sanggul(Malay version of a chignon).
Chapter 15 Tok Min's Favorite Grandchild
I wasn't expecting company when we returned to Tok Min's house one afternoon.  At the entrance, beside Dijah's creaky bike – a hand-me-down from our aunt – I spotted some clues: a pair of size 6 cream colored court shoes and two pairs of sandals of different sizes.  I wondered who their owners were.  Dijah and I slipped off our flipflops at the stoop.  One must remove shoes prior to entering any Malay home.  It's a standing culture preventing kids from soiling the floor with the muck they picked up outside.  Dijah and I let ourselves into our grandma's place.  The front door was always left unlocked for our return.  Entering straight into the carpeted living area, we found nobody there. Yet, strains of an unfamiliar voice floated from the dining room.
'Visitor!'  Dijah stated excitedly.  I knew what that meant.  One, Dijah didn't see those shoes.  Two, good stuff for tea!
Full of curiosity, I turned to my cousin.  'Are we expecting company, Sis Dijah?' 
She shrugged.  'Let's head to the dining room and say hello to the visitor.'
'I wonder who they are.'  Dijah appeared confused and I told her about the shoes.  'I guess there's one woman and perhaps two other persons,' I added.
'Tok Min's friends, perhaps?'  Dijah suggested. 
'Maybe.'
Dijah enthusiastically grabbed my left hand.  'Come on slow poke, let's go now before we miss all the good food.'
'You go right ahead.  I need to freshen up and I'll meet you there.'
Dijah puckered in dismay.  'But you have to come with me.  Uncle Abas specifically made me promise not to let you out of my sight.'
'Only when we're taking a walk, Sis Dijah.  We're at grandma's now, so babysitting me here doesn't count, Miss Kaypoh.'
Dijah released my hand.  She flung me a glare.  Kaypoh – busybody – wasn't her favorite nickname.  The diva, unhappy of a missed opportunity to manage me, stomped her way to the dining room. I went the opposite direction, to Tok Min's room, and entered her bathroom.  The afternoon walk around Straits View with my cousin had made me sweat a bit.  I splashed some water on my face.  A thin layer of dust on my skin was washed away.  I dabbed my wet face dry with a towel.  Next, I padded to my grandma's vanity table to check out my reflection in the mirror.  My hair was untidy.  I picked up Tok Min's hair brush and began dealing with my long tresses.  Tok Min sometimes would brush my hair if it was out of place.  She always advised me, in English, contrary to what people her age would prefer to converse in, to look presentable.  She reminded her favorite grandchild a lady shouldn't have her hair flying around.  Tok Min didn't want me to look like a Pontianak – the local female vampire who, besides sucking her victim's blood, is infamous for her long and very messy hair. 
'But I'm not a lady yet, Tok Min,' came my standard refrain to Tok Min's opinion.
'One day you'll be.  When the time comes, you'll be thankful you look well brought up for your Prince Charming.'  Tok Min let out a small chortle.  'You were always wishing for your own Prince Charming from the moment you first read your fairy tale.'
'It'll come true, right Tok Min?  Someday, right?'
'Child, if you believe hard enough, it'll come true.   In the meantime Amelia, you have no excuse to appear like a Pontianak,' responded Tok Min as she straightened my unruly hair.
Remembering the usual exchange between me and my grandma always made me content.  Once satisfied with my reflection, I set the brush back in place.  About to leave the room, I caught the porcelain bowl on her vanity table. I picked the bowl up.  Ylang ylang flowers – some yellow, some wilted to a dark brown – and small bits of bark from a cinnamon tree resided in it.  The mixture was steeped in coconut oil.  I closed my eyes prior to inhaling the scent. A smile appeared on my lips before I opened my eyes.  I thought how amazing it was to have a grandma who loved to make her own perfume. She would dab a bit of the oil on her skin every morning.  I could picture her as she did it.  Dabs behind her ears.  A touch on the back of each wrist.  A light caress on every ankle.  A wonderful trail of sweetness followed her everywhere. 
After placing the bowl where it belonged, I headed to the dining area.  When I entered the room, there were already nine people there. Tok Min occupied the seat at the head of the teak, dining table.  How strange, I thought.  She had changed into a kebaya.  When my family arrived at her house hours ago, she was in a plain long tunic and batik sarong.  Uncle Halim – Dijah's father, my father, my mother, Auntie Mas – Dijah's mother and Dijah were seated facing me.  The remainders were three visitors whose backs were toward me.  Tok Min was the first to spot my arrival.  To my wonderment, she proudly announced in English to everyone: 'She is here.'  Tok Min beckoned me to her side.  As I ambled to the table, I thought the boys – one tall and thin, the other short and stumpy – beside the lady visitor seemed familiar.
Once close enough to Tok Min's side, one of the visitors' faces came into my view.  Next to my grandma sat a cheongsam-clad woman.  Her hair was done up in a bun.  Her facial features were elegant.  She carried herself well.   She wasn't too fat nor too thin, too short nor too tall.  She was just right, like the porridge Goldilocks took from the bears.  She gave me a kindly smile.  I thought she wouldn't simply be called attractive.  In my fairy tale, she was a queen – beautiful, gentle but marred by a scar.  The flaw, from the corner of her left eye to the edge of her left cheek, was carefully hidden by a hint of makeup.  On first sight, I knew the source of Ruo Li's good looks.  And his large eyes were unmistakably from his mother. The way the woman carried herself – noble and full of good breeding – reminded me of the lovely, poised Chinese models in their tailored cheongsams and beautiful parasols in the vintage Chinese calendars.
Tok Min called me.  'Say hello to Auntie Wong.'  
I dutifully obeyed Tok Min.  How odd, I mused, that my grandma talked in English in front of a large group.  I studied how remarkable the smiling lady visitor was.   I couldn't glimpse the boys' faces as the boys were hidden by her right side.
Auntie Wong gushed, 'So this is Amelia.'  She turned to my parents. 'What a pretty girl you have here!'  My parents expressed their appreciation for her remark.  Ibu, my mother, responded in kind, complimenting Auntie Wong her sons were very well behaved.  Auntie Wong seemed a bit embarrassed and daintily laughed.  'Only when they are visitors or when we have visitors at home,' she said.  The Chinese lady focused her attention to me.  'You surely know my two boys…Ruo Li.'  The lady nudged her son and briefly made hand signs to her son.  As she explained to all Ruo Li was the elder of her sons, he poked his head out from the lady's right side and smiled his hello to me.  I returned the same token to him.  Auntie Wong soon mentioned Ah Fei's name.  Still, the other boy didn't show himself to me.  He was hiding behind Ruo Li.  When the tall boy leaned in closer to the table to allow his brother to come into my view, the rascal leaned in, too.  He was acting as if he were Ruo Li's shadow.  Perhaps he was pretending to play hide and seek with me.
'Jian Fei… Jian Fei, say hello to Amelia...Jian Fei!' 
The last call – a scolding – stopped his tomfoolery.  He leaned in and exposed his pearly whites to me in a quick grin.  'Woi!' he blurted.  My jaw dropped on taking in his new orthodontic work.  Remembering my manners, I quickly covered my mouth with both hands.  I couldn't help giggling; Ah Fei and his braces reminded me of the villain with steel teeth in one of James Bond's movies.  Catching my reaction, he skulked back into his seat. 
Tok Min asked me to occupy the empty spot beside my annoyed friend.  I assumed the seat.   Auntie Mas from across the table motioned for my empty teacup.  I slid it and its saucer to her.  My aunt poured tea into the cup and handed everything back to me.  Dijah caught my attention with her fake coughs.  The moment we locked gazes, Dijah slyly grinned then pouted toward the boys while still eyeing her cousin.  How irritating she could be!

It's back to the perspective of one of the adults.  This time, the grownup Amelia continues her observation on the Asian guy who claims he knows her very well.


Chapter 4 Amelia ‘You really don’t remember who I am, right, Amelia?’ the tall Asian queries.  
I hear him stressing the r in ‘really’, 'remember' and ‘right’.  He almost rolls them.  I wonder what the emphasis is for.  Refraining from looking at him as I study the poinsettia, I shake my head.  The guy and I are the only ones at the checkout counter.  I’m all schizo; this hasn’t hit me since I first saw a poster of hunky Tom Cruise for Top Gun which left me swooning. 
Chad left us a while ago to fetch something for one of the begonia ladies.  I nearly begged him to stay.  Chad, picking up the need in my facial expression, promised to attend to me shortly. 
My mind’s in overdrive now.  It’s racing through possibilities of who the Asian guy is.  I should have remembered well anyone as attractive as him.  His look is very put together yet casual.  He's tall and masculine.  His nicely toned upper arms beg for attention from underneath his camel colored pullover.  He's sporting blue jeans.  A stand out among the crowd, I conclude.   He’s undoubtedly not super handsome.  However, there’s something about him warranting a double take.  Perhaps he exudes charisma.  Perhaps it’s the way he carries himself: not cocky, but all self-assured.  Perhaps it’s just a simple fact as pheromone.  There, that’s it, I inwardly decide, he has too much pheromone.  And I’d better not try to get entangled in any way with him, because I haven’t got laid for, hey!  Good lord!  Why am I thinking all this?
He interrupts my train of thoughts.  ‘Why are you blushing?’
The question reddens me more.  I quickly feel my face around with both hands.  My skin’s incriminatingly warm.  I view the guy in a rather awkward way.  ‘Umm, you won’t believe this…but…I recall I had…an embarrassing incident the last time someone asked me if I remembered him.’
‘Oh?  Is that so?  Care to share with me?’  Eyebrows arched, he certainly seems curious.
I turn somber and fold my arms.  ‘Mister, the incident was too embarrassing to be shared with anyone.  So, please don’t egg me on for it.’
‘Amelia honey!’  Chad interrupts me as he saunters behind the cashier counter. ‘Sorry to keep ya waiting, honey.  Ya ready on that?’ 
I viewed him gratefully.  ‘Just a sec, Chad.  Can I get one of those tiny cards with the ribbons behind you?’  I point to the group of white and red striped message cards.  Chad picks one and hands it to me.
‘Thanks Chad.  Ring this up too and I’m all set.’ 
‘Nope.  This is on the house.  Ya give us good business.  Ya’ve been here, what is it, five days in a row?’
I smile at him.  ‘Oh come on, Chad.  Those trips don’t count.  I was here due to the special purchases for work.  This plant however is a personal gift.  Ring it up, will you?’
‘Nah, honey.   It’s free.’  Chad pushes the cashier open and heaves it shut to illustrate his point.  He’s a sweetie, as usual.  I gracefully thank him before he leaves to tend to a middle aged couple.  I fish for a pen from my pocket book, open the card and start writing on it.  The bean pole watches me as my words form:
Olivia,I hope you’ll like this.                                    Love,
As I write, I suddenly recall To Kill A Mockingbird.  I’m brought back to my favorite character, Scout, in the story.  So full of innocence, I muse.  And I remember Atticus.  Who would have thought? I silently whisper to myself as I sign my name at the end of my note.  I close the card, store the pen and busy myself tying the ribbon on one of the poinsettia stems.  The bean pole stands sentinel beside me.
‘So, you’re totally clueless on who I am,’ the tall guy states.
I stretch my silence, not wanting to meet his penetrating watch.   My mind’s stark blank.  Try as I might, I can’t seem to figure out who he is.  I’m usually good at this sort of thing: remembering past clients, even though they’ve aged through time.  And I’m disappointed with myself for being unable to identify this attractive man.  Foremost, the way he approached me is bothering me.  It’s not the kind which ticks me off, though.  I scoop up the pot of poinsettia and head toward the flower shop entrance.  My mind speeds through all the possibilities again. 
Now, where can I begin?  I wonder.  Yes, Alistair… Alistair Wong whom I encountered in Zurich has light brown eyes.  Nonetheless, I’m pretty certain this guy’s are dark brown, just like mine.  Besides, Alistair’s eyes are smaller than this man’s.  And don’t forget another point: Alistair speaks with a lisp.  He stuttered every time he met me.  Yes, he had a crush on me.  And Alistair isn’t handsome to begin with.  He needs a plastic surgery and has to go on a diet to get half as good looking as this guy.  God!  My stalker can be mistaken for a model!   I shake my head.  Alistair’s off my list of suspects. 
Speaking of models, could he be Naquib Ebrahim whom I met in Paris?   Nope, he’s too fair to be Naquib, a half French half Moroccan sports enthusiast.  Yes, Naquib used to model part time for a few fitness magazines.   And he used to go around with a good tan.  Yet this guy appears like he hasn’t seen the sun for weeks.  And darn it, Naquib was vain.  He couldn’t help pausing to stare at his reflection on any glossy surface.  He and glossy surfaces are inseparable.  I won’t be surprised he stays that way.  I can’t imagine Naquib leaving home without a tan.  And his sunglasses, damn, he’s vain.  This guy however hasn’t even stopped for a second to check out his reflection in this flower shop.  Naquib is definitely out of the question.  I glance over my shoulder.  The guy has picked up a nice leather jacket from behind the cashier counter.  Now…leather jacket, I say silently, is it a sign of vanity?  I check him out again and catch him struggling to get into the jacket while keeping watch on me.  He’s seriously tracking me he looks almost comical trying to don the jacket.  I don’t think so!  I conclude.
Let’s see…What about Justin Bunluesin whom I haven’t seen ever since I left Barcelona?  Justin’s charming and cute.  And he used to write poems to me in Italian, which he’s half fluent in.  Ah!  What a romantic guy!  Wait a minute!  Justin certainly will have to stretch himself on a rack for years to grow simply an inch closer to this guy’s height.  Am I mad?  He can’t be Justin.  The Thai guy’s a five footer! He’s almost a midget compared to this strapping guy. 
‘Bye Chad!’  I call out almost instinctively to the beefy shop owner as I walk past him and the couple he’s conversing with.
‘Buh bye,’ Chad answers.  A thought of Francis Vicenco springs to my mind.  Francis, yes, dapper Filipino Francis who had a soft spot for me.  I met him in San Francisco a while back.  Francis and my cute stalker are roughly the same height.  Francis too is fair.  He used to go on shopping spree with me but I can’t picture this guy doing so.  My stalker's too virile compared to Francis.  And Francis is cultured; he loves good films especially by Aldomovar and good books and can quote Tennessee Williams and Oscar Wilde like the back of his hand. With this guy’s remark on Snow White and Rapunzel, he probably watches Disney cartoons and reads fairy tales in his spare time.  Despite the last conjecture, I can’t help admitting he's attractive. 
And suddenly, a voice inside me quickly reminds me Francis is more handsome. 
Just take a look at Francis’ skin.  It’s spotless, glowing, healthy.  What am I thinking?  There’s no way the guy can be reincarnated as Francis.  Francis had stacks of Biore, Kiehl’s, Clinique and Lauder in his vanity cabinet and they put my meager cosmetics to shame.  Francis loves all things by gay film makers and writers.  Francis shopped for lingerie with me.  Of course Francis won’t be hounding me like this guy is. Francis is gay.
‘You’re not the least bit curious to know who I am?’  the bean pole needles me.  He sticks closer to my heels.  I’m instantly uncomfortable.
I shake my head while walking ahead.  The bare truth is I’m a complete liar; an avalanche of more male names and mug shots is filtering through my mind.  None of them, however, seems right.  My disappointment with myself grows. 
The Asian guy doesn’t know the meaning of giving up.  ‘You see, Amelia, I find you quite bizarre.  Here I am, someone who knows your name, and can verify it’s really you, the Amelia I really knew from years ago, by the way you talk, and yet you’re not interested to know who I am.  You never ever give me a chance, do you?’ 
The guy’s certainly relentless.  I can’t help suspecting he indeed has stalking genes in his DNA.  Before he follows me all the way home, I resolve to scare him off.  I swivel around abruptly to confront him.  This second time, he’s unlucky.  Or rather, I’m the unlucky one.  He’s too close to me I accidentally hit my forehead against his nose.
‘Whoa!’ he cries out.
‘Mister!  Don’t you know when to stop being too persistent and when too much is much too much?’
He clicks his tongue as he rubs the tip of his nose briefly with his forefinger.  ‘Just like the old Amelia I used to know.’   

I glare at him. 
‘Feisty, with a loose mouth, and a temper which is hard to ignore.’   

My glare now becomes a squint. 
‘You haven’t changed.  I can still picture you in your prefect uniform, your long perky pony tail with a blue ribbon, you licking your favorite sweet corn ice cream.’  He pauses, waiting for my reaction.   

Only I’m not squinting anymore and am levelly gazing him.  I’m surprised of his good account on my teenage self.  Yet, I try to remain as unimpressed as I possibly could.  At least I’m starting to have an inkling where he came from.  He must have been one of the boys from the elementary school opposite mine. Some hazy recollections of a lanky, handsome kid return to me.  My instinct nonetheless tells me chances of this guy being him are remote; something regarding the kid and the grownup doesn’t quite add up.  Who in the whole wide world is this guy? 
‘You were always aloof, Amelia, and often dismayed a fat schoolboy as if he were an insect worthy to be squashed. Once, you hurt him real bad!  Devastatingly bad.  That poor boy!’ He shakes his head in disappointment. 

There’s no hint of recognition from me.  I’m deep in thoughts I’m motionless, statue-like.  Naturally, I begin to wonder how he knows I used to dismay a portly student from the neighboring school.  I can’t quite picture the mug shot of the boy though.  His face is just a blob in my memory.  And I can’t recall any kid whom I had hurt badly years ago.  He must have been stalking me the whole of 1983 and I didn’t even know it!
The guy sighs, barely audibly.  He utters the subsequent words slowly, as if wounded by the past.  ‘And you really know how to tug the heart of a deaf schoolboy who attended the elementary school opposite yours, with your shenanigans.  Remember him?  Tall, good looking, and always googly eyed for you –’
Suddenly things begin to click for me.  I gasp and interrupt him.  ‘Jack?’
Jackpot!  He beams at me.  ‘Yes, Jack.’
‘Jack?  Jack?!’  I say ‘Unbelievable!’ as I take him in all over again.  As I marvel how utterly cool it is to meet my long, lost good friend, the Asian guy frowns slightly at me. I can’t help myself but exclaim more.  ‘Oh Jack!  Jack!  Jack!’  My dark brown eyes are bright and wide now.  ‘Why didn’t you tell me it’s you from the very beginning?  Oh, I’m sorry –’
He interrupts me. ‘I’m sorry I’m –’
I laugh at him, merrily drowning his next few words. ‘What are you sorry for, Jack?  I’m the one who should be apologizing for ignoring you just now –’
‘Sorry I’m not –’
‘Oh gosh!  Look at you!  Wow!  You look great, Jack!  Super!’  I gush he had me confused a while ago and add I should have known better; with the innovations in the medical field, things must have been very good for him.  My eyes dart to his ears.  I subsequently take in his face and notice his solemnity.  His expression signifies he has heard bad news.  Thus it renders me subdued.  I ask him what’s wrong.  He takes his time.  I suspect he wants my undivided attention prior to making his point. 
‘I’m sorry, Amelia.  I’m not Jack,’ he professes.
My voice comes out a tad shrill.  ‘You’re not?’  I pause, studying his face carefully.  In my mind, I compare what I see with the images of Jack.  I’m positive the guy appears like a grown up version of one of my childhood friends.   ‘You’re not Jack?’
He shakes his head.  ‘Uh-uh.’
I’m mildly irritated now.  ‘Hey mister!  Don’t lead me on!  You were making hand signs to me just now.  And you seemed a bit deaf when I told you a few times I’m not Amelia.  Mister, only someone who used to be deaf and can sign fits the bill!  You have to be Jack!’
He coolly repeats he’s not Jack.
I’m bemused.  ‘You gotta be kidding, mister!’
‘I’m not, Amelia. And I have a name.’
I take him in top to bottom, and back up again.  I know I’m supposed to make him feel uncomfortable.  Unfortunately he seems to be enjoying what I just did.  There’s a sparkle in his eyes.  I scowl at him.  ‘Then who the hell are you, mister?’
He smiles hesitatingly at me.  Almost bashfully, he gives me an answer.  That one name – Bean – blindsides me.
I gasp and reflexively cover my mouth with both hands.   Too late for me to save it, the terracotta pot of poinsettia I’m carrying has already dropped from my hold.  The next instance, it breaks into pieces on hitting the floor.*

We've heard from the young Amelia Abas in Chapter 1, and the grownup Amelia in Chapter 2.  Now's the time for Fatso's point of view.

Menu for ice cream potong - named so because each ice cream is cut (potong in Bahasa) from a big slab

Chapter 3 Lucky Boy 'Woi!' my happy voice called out to the proud girl.
Head turned sideways, she glared at me as she mechanically paid the ice cream man.   
Jubilant she reacted with my first call, I grinned ear to ear.  But, woi!  That look she shot me, it nearly made me tremble, and left my knees knocking each other.  Her stare gave the impression she had the power to make me melt.  Who did she think she was?  Wonder Woman?  When the ice cream purveyor handed her the usual purchase, she took it from him, didn't even look where the treat was.  Impressed, I cried 'Woi!'  There was no relent in her stare.  She was one fierce creature, aaa.
I beckoned her with both hands to my spot.   'Woi, come here!  Where I am!  You're not blind, light?'  My slave driver, who was standing behind me shook my left shoulder.  I turned to him and we carried a brief animated discussion.  Seconds later, I reverted my attention to the schoolgirl. I was a lucky boy!   Woi!  She was still interested in me. I wasn't bluffing one – she glowered at me while she licked her ice cream!  Maybe she was persistently jealous of my smooth, flawless, beautiful face.  I grinned widely and as swiftly as the grin materialized, I wiped it off. It was never too good to let a girl know how you feel about her.  I pushed my sliding eyeglasses up the bridge of my nose.
'Aaa, excuse me, miss!  This guy next to me wishes to talk with you!' I declared as I made hand signs, for the benefit of the tall dude beside me.  'Could you be kind aaa?  Come nearer to us so that we all could have a civil conversation?  No need to shout one!'  While no more than five feet away from her, I yelled at her.  You see, that was a precaution, just in case she was deaf.  All the passers-by regarded me like I was deranged.  I didn't care as I really enjoyed the limelight.  As soon as I stopped my signing, I muttered, 'Aiya, this is hard.  Now cannot talk like pasar one.  Haiya!'   
From her facial expression, I noted she was awed I complained I could no longer talk the pasar – street – way without moving my mouth much.  She caught my buddy studying her, or more specifically her lips.  He, on catching she likewise, was surveying him, simpered.  I'd never seen him lose his cool.  He was never shy around girls – big, tall, fat, short, sweet, beautiful, ugly.  But this girl was not wall eyed, wart nosed, humpbacked, doughy or bow legged; she was different.  One look at her, and another look at Ruo Li, and I knew the stupid fool was headed for trouble! – Ruo Li aaa, don't play with fire!  I warned him.  He couldn't and didn't listen to me. Poor boy was deaf.  And stubbornly stupid to a factor of gazillion.
She languidly inched her way toward us while masticating her ice cream.  Once close enough, she briefly surveyed us and rest her attention on me. See!  She was interested in me.  'Mister,' she began, 'if you keep up your good manners, maybe…I'll talk with him.'  She motioned to my slave driver with a nod in his direction.
I wryly crinkled my mouth at her for calling me mister when I was still at a tender, young age.  I was a kid one!  Was she blind?  Despite her derision, I proceeded to relay her message to Ruo Li.  He simply patted my shoulder a few times before I completely relayed her words to signify he understood everything.  Ruo Li's attention was fastened on the girl's lips the way my eyes clung on a heaping box of piping hot Kentucky Fried Chicken.  He had a sort of confidence about him.  If her cognitive ability was optimized, she should know he could read her lips.  Ruo Li shouldn't be treated as a helpless kid aaa.
I tugged his sleeve shortly for attention and commenced to sign to him.  – What you want me to say to her, don't waste my time OK, this one the fierce kind, makes me feel old quickly, haiya! Called me mister yesterday and mister too today.  My hair becoming white aaa?
As soon as Ruo Li completed his gestures, I turned to the girl.  'He says…Hello, my name is Wong Ruo Li.  Solly, I am deaf.  But I'd leally, leally wish to be your fliend.  May I know your name?'  I uttered, word by word, unemotional, like a robot.
I could see she comprehended my weakness in certain pronunciations.  She studied me in amusement and glanced at Ruo Li.  See!  She only glanced at him one! 
Ruo Li shook my shoulder a couple of times.  I threw him a hasty, disgruntled glance.  He grabbed my shoulders and positioned me so that I was standing in profile opposite the girl.  Next, Ruo Li began signing and I was reduced to be his slave.  'He says, may I know your name, please?'  A grumble under my breath followed but it was loud enough for the girl to detect it.  Leveraging on my ventriloquist talent, I railed I was doing a thankless job much like a dumb secretary, except that I wasn't wearing a skirt.  I felt used one!
The girl nonetheless refrained from showing any emotion.  She continued eating her ice cream in silence.  Ruo Li, uncharacteristically impatient, shook my shoulder again and nodded toward her.
'Aiya, this guy wants to know your name, miss!  Pity me aaa, I cannot do this tlanslate thing too long,' I carped.
She bit more of her ice cream and took her own sweet time chewing it.  I hoped she wasn't like those cows which regurgitated their food.  Ruo Li and I could be standing there until midnight before she started talking again.  Haiya!  Thankfully, she said, 'How come?'
'No can do pasar talk.  No fun.   My brain becomes like lobot only.'  I switched to my robot-mode speech and softly, rapidly uttered a few sentences through gritted teeth. 'Hello!  My name is Wong Ruo Li. I have a secletaly.  I-like-to-make-him-look-dumb-one.'
She giggled on my last statement.  Ruo Li seemed confused.  I spotted pity in her glance at him.  Chewing a mouthful of ice cream, she told me, 'Tell him, I'm pleased to meet him.'  I knew she was confident the tall guy couldn't read her lips, with all her manducation.  While she wasn't hideous or uncomely like the Ugly Duckling, her unmannered behavior – speaking with a mouthful of food – didn't scare me.  However, I was beginning to feel a modicum of apprehension.  Her lack of decorum indeed didn't have any negative effect whatsoever on Ruo Li.  Contrary to my expectation, a stupid smile was plastered on his physiognomy.  Haiya!  Ruo Li's state of mind was therefore more insane than I had initially thought.  Frowning in concern, I conveyed her response to Ruo Li.
The slave driver moved his hands and I in turn, dutifully relayed the messages to her. 'I'm vely pleased to meet you, too.  If you'd be so kind, may I know your name?' I turned to her and complained through gritted teeth, 'Aiya!  So folmal. So Blitish Council.'  And I waited and waited.  Ruo Li patiently studied her for an answer but she remained quiet with her countenance portraying amusement.  I shifted my weight by hopping slightly feet to feet in the same spot, followed by crossing and uncrossing my legs.  Finally, I moved my body to confront her squarely.  I dramatically sighed. Without any hand signs, I ribbed her in her mother tongue that not having a name meant she was mute.  Therefore she was disabled too, similar to my companion.
Seconds after those statements, Ruo Li shoved my thick left shoulder.  Due to my height(not much), portliness(too much) and therefore low center of gravity, I hardly budged from the thrust.   He made a few frantic signs.  – Dumbass, what did you mention to her this time?  How come she suddenly stops smiling?  You mess up, and I'll report to Ma you wet your bed again last night.  Believe me, I will, and I'm tired of helping you drag your stinking mattress with your pee map of the world outside our room to be aired!  Now, apologize for what you said and ask her nicely for her name.  Nicely, OK?
As Ruo Li's messages formed, I grunted 'aiya!' a few times.  The schoolgirl, I believed, surmised she had put me on a spot.  I shot her an apologetic glance.  Ruo Li focused his stare on my lips this time.  Keeping up with his signs, I relayed to the girl, 'He says…Solly, this fat boy beside me is a dog, eh, dock, eh, dork, you idiot!  Solly in advance if he says stupid things.  I told you my name.  What's yours, please?'  I breathed out noisily.  The whole translating effort was a real burden to me.  Haiya!  I needed to tinkle!!!  After seconds ticked, I crossed and uncrossed my legs again, confronted her and concluded she was a crazy girl for torturing me.  Ruo Li had finally showed interest in a girl for the first time in his life.  But, haiya!  Why did he have to choose trouble?  Irritated, I remarked to her, 'Eh, can hurly up or not?  I have to go pee aaa.  Cannot hold too long all leady.'
She studied her remaining ice cream.  A flicker of inspiration stretched on her visage. She regarded us and much as I had suspected, she had a cuckoo brain one.  Why?  She said, 'My name is Princess Sweet Corn.'  Cuckoo!
As I wove signs for Ruo Li, I hurled a very cynical glare, complete with a frown, to the girl.  'What kind of a cockamamie name is that? Are you out of this world?  ET?'
The girl huffed at me.   'I happen to love fairy tales.  You have a problem with that mister?'
I grinned, and nearly informed her I had a very big problem with her moniker when Ruo Li shoved and reintimidated me he'd disclose to Ma last night's pee incidence if I didn't behave.  I, alarmed, quickly displayed my remorse to the girl and apologized.   I politely begged for her name and she noticed my trembling legs.  She seemed amused one.  'OK, all right.  My name is –'
An irritating blast of horn suddenly interrupted our conversation and she hurled her attention to its source.  There was an orange school van across the street.  Some wild kids, her friends I supposed, were poking their heads out of the windows and waving animatedly at her.  A girl with a bob, wild look, crazy gestures, indicated her schoolbag was safely in the vehicle.  The pony-tailed prefect faced us again with an amused expression.  She popped the last of her ice cream into her mouth and to my horror, commenced to walk away from us.
'Woi!  Woi!  Woi!  We're not done yet!  You haven't told us your name aaa!'  I complained. 
She hastily spun around and shrugged briefly to signify there wasn't much she could do.  'Next time!' she dished out to conclude our tête-à-tête that afternoon.  The girl darted off to the other side to catch her ride home.  I ran after her as fast as my legs could allow, and that wasn't speedy enough because they were chunky.  I was the lumbering hippopotamus, she the elegantly lightning-fast gazelle; she was too swift for me.  A tad later, I was bent over, panting like an asthmatic kid and dripping buckets of sweat.  The only consolation I received was in her wake, I serendipitously caught the sweet but not cloying scent  of vanilla and orange blossoms. 
I stood up.  'Woi!  Woi!  Woi!' I cried out after her. 'Don't tell me your name is Next Time!'  She was unfortunately too far away from me.  'Haiya!' I lamented, 'How am I leally going to explain it to Wong Ruo Li?'*

To me, they do.  I don't mean the usual perception whether a story is good or bad.  It goes beyond that.  What I believe in is a story has its unique identity like the underlying notes a perfume gives off, or the flavors left on my taste buds as I'm relishing a scrumptious cannoli.   Stories, as the saying goes, are food for thought.

My favorite stories are ones which leave some wonderful aftertastes long after I've put down the books they came from.  My preferred ones are those evoking certain tastes the first time I read them, and different ones on my next visit.  Take To Kill A Mockingbird as an example.  This is my all time favorite!  I read the book as a teenager and I can still remember it made me feel like I'd eaten cotton candy.  Therefore I associated sweet and sugary to the story.  Years later, I picked up the book again.  Lo and behold, it was not sweet and sugary anymore to my taste buds!  I felt the briny and sour punch of a pickle, the sweetness and a slight bitter edge of caramel.  The book, without doubt, is magical to me.

I too have pondered on the aftertaste of the books I've devoured of late.  Lucia, Lucia by Adriana Trigiani makes me recall an Italian pear tart from an ancient recipe.  It's sweet without being cloying, and its barely there saltiness makes me feel nostalgic.  Train to Trieste by Domnica Radulescu is like truffle to me.  It's earthy, velvety to my palate and homey, and I knew from the first few pages of the book, it's a rare gem - hard to find, just like a truffle!

I did the same taste test on my books too.  My first novel, Rice, Fish, Squid and Lamb, was written to address my hurt locker.  Naturally, the main sense I get as I reread the book is its bitterness.  The second most dominant taste is saltiness which I always associate with nostalgia.  Thankfully, bursts of sweetness intersperse these two main flavors.

My second book, Blind, Deaf, which I plan for publication this year, came about because of guilt.  What does the story taste like?  To me, it's mainly sweet and salty.  But then, tastes are relative.  Read excerpts from my book (I'll be updating this site with the first few chapters from Blind, Deaf in the next few weeks!), and tell me what you think!

The first chapter tells the story from a perspective of a girl not quite twelve.  What happens to her years later?  Read on!

Chapter 2 Thirty Something I gaze at the two pots of fiery-red poinsettia for the umpteenth time.  Clad in an orange turtle neck, carmine peacoat, black pencil skirt whose hem stops right above my bare knees, and stylish, deep lavender leather boots – a nightmare getup by some fashionistas' standards –  the thirty something me still can't decide.  C'mon, hurry up, I berate myself, this is not even an executive decision!  I don't celebrate Christmas.  Yet I want to make sure it'll be perfect as a gift.  It's for Olivia, who picked up my outfit earlier and who won't take no for an answer.  Thoroughly headstrong, she won't settle for anything pale, or uninspiring.  I smile to myself.  I believe Olivia would more than like the plant in the terracotta pot.  I'm certain she'll love it.
'Amelia?'
I stop concentrating on the Christmassy plants.  From the opposite side of the table thronged with pots after pots of festive poinsettias, a tall, Asian man somberly looks at me.  I reckon he's probably not much older than I am.  Definitely thirty something, I guess.  He studies me while I maintain an impassive watch on him.  Suddenly he seems to be recognizing something; a smile surprisingly and lazily breaks on his lips.
'Amelia, right?  You're Amelia?' 
I note his voice is very soothing, one I'd love to hear over the phone.  My instinct tells me he's persistent underneath his suave exterior.  There's something regarding him which strikes me as familiar.  Yet I can't put a finger to it. I certainly can't forget a face I've seen, even from many years ago.   It's a capability I've honed on the job and one I always rely on.  This stranger however is a challenge.  I deliberate fast and hard.  Despite the effort, I'm still stumped seconds later.  His identity eludes me and I'm dead certain I have no recollection of ever meeting him.   And how in the world does he know my name?  Unsure on how to react, I maintain my placid stare at him. 
To my wonderment, he commences to make hand signs and simultaneously mouth the message – You're Amelia, right?  I'm very sure you are.  Don't frown or you'll look like –  
I only read his signs.  Somehow, I inexplicably grow irritated before his last silent message is fully formed.  His persistence triggers a memory some nine years ago when I responded to an attractive stranger who asked me out of the blue whether I was Amelia.  The stranger, similar to the Asian guy, was persistent.  The stranger, who eventually became my friend, went out with me for a number of years.  We were young, we were carefree, we had a good time.  I was unluckily the party who got hurt in the end.  They say there's this thing called time which heals.  Yet, on remembering the pain, fresh despite the years, I resolve not to repeat a past mistake and end up with a heartache.  Before the guy completes his latest sentence, I brusquely state, 'I'm not deaf, mister.'
He halts midway through his unspoken words.  He lets his hands drop to his sides.  He remains unaffected by my stare, cold and aloof now, and it peeves me.  His smile intact, he exclaims in a very relieved fashion, 'You are Amelia!'
I throw him a hostile glare.  'What makes you very sure, mister?'
'You're definitely Amelia. No one but Amelia talks to me like so.'
'Hey mister,' I say as I quickly grab the pot of poinsettia closest to me and hurry toward the cashier.   Not looking at him, I remark matter-of-factly, 'Read my lips. You got the wrong person.'
'I can't see your lips!'  he complains.  'I'm not blind, you know!  But you are Amelia!  I'm definitely certain.'  He keeps close to my heels.  A hint of satisfaction and confidence in his voice makes me bitter.
'I'm not Amelia,' I deny again.  I hasten my steps.  The cashier is now within sight.  Yet I begin to worry; Chad, the shop owner, is nowhere to be seen.  Isn't he supposed to man the cashier now, especially this pest of a guy with a mouth running loose, trying to convince me I am Amelia, isn't bucking down one bit?  The stranger's way too near me.  The trespassing of my space makes my heart beat faster.  For all I know, the Asian guy, who's not bad looking after all, might be a stalker.  A cute stalker!  Hmm, that's worth a nice cup of coffee and idle chat with Diana at work tomorrow!
He meanwhile keeps on telling me he has found me.  Finally, unable to suppress my mounting annoyance, I abruptly spin around and almost bump into the lean guy.  Caught off guard by my sudden move, he flinches back a step.  To my dismay, he does it suavely.
Exasperated, I cry, 'Hey mister!  For the umpteenth time, I'm not Amelia.  Don't you ever give up, mister?'
'Never!  Not in your wildest dreams and wackiest fairy tales, Amelia Abas!'
His latest opinion silences me for moments.  I spot a twinkle in his eyes, a muttering of 'Bull's-eye!'   They incense me.  Keeping cool, I grapple for some just ripostes.  Yet before I get to say anything, a perky, familiar voice calls out from behind me. 'Hi Amelia!'  I try to remain stoic.  One bad move, and my pretense will all be in jeopardy.  I'm fully aware if I swing around now, I'll find, much to my dismay, beefy Chad.  I hear the clop-clop-clop of the black, ex-marine's boots heading toward me. I jog my mind for a swift way out.
Unfortunately, Chad's strides are long and fast.  He's by my side within seconds.  'Ya've settled for that, huh?' Chad points to the pot I'm carrying. 'That's a nice pick!  I told ya could find a good one on them table there, Amelia!' 
I pretend not to hear Chad.  He's as good as invisible to me.  Briskly leaving the Asian guy and Chad behind, I survey around the store to catch anything which can be a diversion.  Chad fortunately wends his way to a nearby group of women.  I'm slightly relieved to recognize a few faces among them.  They're the hard core begonia lovers who'll keep Chad occupied on providing plant care tips.  I promptly pray there's another Amelia among the women.  Not much later, to my dismay I hear Chad repeatedly calling me.  Damn!  I internally scream.  I'm getting a bit panicky because I still can't shake the bean pole off by wandering aimlessly from aisle to aisle as fast as I can.  He follows me, telling me how confident he is of my identity.  He claims I look the same as before except for my height and my hair, now shoulder length.  He excitedly states it used to be long, all the way to the middle of my back.  I hear him mentioning my lustrous tresses reminded him of Rapunzel's hair.  He adds my hair is black, like Snow White's, not Rapunzel's blond.  I grimace and ponder what kind of a regressive schmuck I'm dealing with now. He should get a kick for such a remark.
'Hey, what's up, Amelia?' Chad queries me as he nears me seconds later.  He gets into my direct line of vision.  I can't escape him this time and I start to really sweat it.  'Amelia,' Chad frowns at me, 'you seem to be slightly deaf today.  I was calling out your name a few times just now, and I swear you didn't seem to be hearing me.'
'Damn!' I mutter under her breath.
'I'm right!  I'm right!  You are Amelia!' the young man chants from behind me, 'and you cussed!'
Chad leans sideways.  Much to my surprise, he widely grins to the stranger.  'I told ya could find her by the poinsettias!'  Chad remarks to the bean pole and gives the tall guy a happy wink.*

Blind, Deaf is my second manuscript.  This love story centers on a fairy tale, which is made for three teenagers, but meant for two persons...


Chapter 1 A Pretty Girl Once upon a time, a girl, not quite twelve, wandered to foreign land.  She was in a school prefect uniform – crisp, white, short sleeved blouse, a red tie, dark blue skirt, white socks and white canvas shoes.  Bread crumbs to guide her back to where she came from weren't necessary.  After all, her place, an all-girls' school, was merely across the street. 
That girl happened to be me.
'Woi!'
I ignored the call.  Yet I spied its source, standing diagonally no more than eight feet from me.  A bespectacled, fat Chinese schoolboy dressed in a uniform a size too small, that was who he was.  Probably a good three inches shorter than me, he, almost neckless, reminded me of Humpty Dumpty. 
Seconds later, he cupped his hands around his mouth.  'Woi!  Woi!  Woi!  Here!   Look here aaa!'
I pretended to ignore him while I paid the vendor for my favorite ice cream potong: a thick slice of delicious sweet corn ice cream wedged between two crispy, thin wafers.  As soon as the spindly ice cream man handed me my purchase, I held it by the wafers and began licking the edges.  The rotund butterball waved his hands toward me similar to one transmitting semaphores.  By habit, I'd head straight back to my school after buying my treat.  That late afternoon, I changed my mind.  I was charmed by the boy's antics.  Something else too about him piqued my interest.  Yes, the roundness of his belly.  It reminded me of the pudgy dwarfs in Snow White. 
But whose belly should it be, I pondered, Grumpy's, Sneezy's or Happy's?
I was standing near the entrance to the all-boys' school, where the ice cream man had made himself a permanent fixture.  I decided two minutes there would be luxurious enough.  Then, I'd scram.  As a cover, I pretended to examine with interest the multicolored representations of flavors on the vendor's ice box.  From the corners of my eyes, I observed the hyper boy.  Fatso persisted in getting my attention with yells and movements. A little later, he gave up trying to communicate in English, the common language trendy teenagers in Malaysia, a multi racial country, would normally converse in.  He moved on to Mandarin.  I believed he assumed I was Chinese; he called me Amoi – Chinese girl – and spouted Mandarin words at me.  Without doubt, he was seeking my attention for there was no other girl that side of the street.  I couldn't blame his innocent assumption.  After all, I looked Chinese.  With my fair skin, I could easily pass for one despite my Malay last name: Abas.  In a while, the repeated shouts from the boy started to tick me off.  For all I knew, he might be ridiculing me at best, cursing me at worst.  I tried to remain uninterested, ignoring him like he was absolutely not worth a dime and my time.   I was about to return to the other side when he blundered; he switched to Bahasa, Malaysia's national language, my mother tongue.  As far as I could remember, the first word he uttered made me feel like punching him.
'Buta?'
My mouth hung loose as anger swelled within me.  How dare the halfwit ridiculed me as buta – blind!  I instantly thought the boy probably had failed the national language too many times at school.  His report card must have permanent red scores for Bahasa. 
'Uh-huh.  Buta!'
His confirmed view I was blind incensed me and brought out my ugly side.  My ice cream held in front of my flat, pre pubescent chest, I sternly marched straight toward him.  Not expecting such retaliation, he stumbled backwards, chanting 'Gostan!' – Go astern! –  repeatedly.  His arms waved agitatedly in front of him as if to ward me off.  He simultaneously glanced over his shoulder.  His cries grew louder.  I wasn't certain whether they were meant for me or signifying his distress.  Nonetheless, I didn't relent in my approach until he couldn't move anymore; he was fully pressed against another boy who stood behind him.  The fellow schoolboy – tall, thin, hapless and handsome – couldn't budge any further as he was totally pinned against the red brick wall bordering the school ground.  At a standstill, I was mere inches away from fatso.  His arms were flailing by his sides like a lardy bird trying to fly, but too heavy to do so.  He reminded me of an overstuffed butterball turkey.
'Woi!  Woi!  Woi!' he cried out, panic written all over his face.
Lashing out in Bahasa, I scolded him for calling me blind instead of deaf.  I rubbed it in by insulting he was probably unschooled for not comprehending the meaning of blind and deaf.
Unruffled by my cutting remarks, he gave me his frank opinions in the same language.  'I go to school, I can not go to school.  Can't you see I'm wearing a school uniform?'  He animatedly pointed his fingers at different angles to his outfit. 'Little kid, you blind?'
His latest statement made me blow my top.  First, he had the nerve addressing me as little kid!  I suspected our age difference wouldn't be too far.  Second, his repeat accusation of a disability I didn't possess further stewed me.  What a gall he had! I fumingly shouted back at him, literally telling him his face was beautiful.  I used a Bahasa idiom which figuratively meant he had the gall to call me blind.  My sarcasm didn't stop there; I threatened to smack him so that he'd be sorry for his remarks.
Unfortunately, sorry was the last state he'd ever be.  Baring his teeth in a huge grin, he eagerly admitted his face was beautiful.  Of course it was, he told me, because he didn't have any Jelawat!  I thought hard and assumed he had trouble pronouncing the r in jerawat – pimple.  Such conclusion made sense instead of Jelawat, a type of local fish. He expressed he was sympathetic I was jealous of his beauty.  Of course, he explained as his eyes darted on my flat chest, that it was all due to my teenage hormones beginning to work overtime.  Pity, he said.  Noticing my confusion, the turkey explained my face was shiny, a sure sign my oil glands were overburdened.  Soon, I'd have pimples and I'd look ugly.  Shortly, I'd hit puberty.  My pimples would happily erupt like Krakataus, and I'd turn hideous.  Today, he reminded me, was just the beginning of such a painful journey into ugliness.  As I scowled at him, he paused to scratch his head.  He asked me if I was Malay and not Chinese. 
I rolled my eyes and offered my acerbic opinion, in Bahasa still.  My sentence, if translated literally, meant he was as deaf as a rhinoceros. Simply from the way I talked, anyone with half a brain could pick up I wasn't Chinese.  My diction and pronunciation were unmistakably that of a Malay, a native Bahasa speaker.  Moreover, like any typical Malay teenager that time, I used Bahasa idioms for sarcasm when making a point.  I had figuratively insulted the portly boy he was dreadfully deaf, for he didn't register I wasn't Chinese simply from the way I spoke and the words I used.
Fatso's reaction surprised me; he hopped a bit like a spastic child.  Unable to control his excitement, he exclaimed my face looked Chinese.  Given his reaction to my comment, I accepted he actually had some intelligence.  What I meant by some was anywhere say between a quarter and half a brain.  His IQ would probably hover no higher than upper fifties.  I squinted at him as I internally debated the actual amount of his gray matter.  On catching my grave expression, he tried to support his claim in broken Bahasa: I wondered whether he was complimenting or disparaging me with his latest statement.  'Kolox?  What's Kolox?'
With his motor mouth, he excitedly explained, 'Yes, that Kolox, you don't understand?  Little kid, you where from?  Outer space?  You ET?  That Kolox much famous, for washing use aaa!'
I suddenly understood what Kolox stood for. Fatso had mispronounced Clorox as Kolox.  Thus his earlier statement meant my skin was fair, it looked as if it were bleached by Clorox.  Yet, I considered it a waste of time to argue on the point of bleached skin with the tactless dimwit.  He, I felt, could've been more courteous by describing my skin was as white as snow, as mentioned in one of my favorite fairy tales.
'Yes, that's right, mister,' I shot back in English.  'I look Chinese and my skin is fair.  You have a problem with those points, mister?' 
'Haiya!'  The boy's voice was fat with wonderment.  His gaze widened, too.  'Can speak English!  Why didn't you tell me so minutes ago?'  To express annoyance, he had his arms akimbo.  'Eh, wasted my time only! Called you out many times, first in English, second in Mandarin, third in Bahasa.  Then, also got called a pekak by you.' He obviously was irritated being tagged a pekak – deaf. 'Woi! I'm not old, don't mister mister me, OK!' he complained, wagging a chubby finger at me. 
I held down a rising laughter.  A drop of fast melting ice cream on my fingers distracted me.  I gracefully stepped back a good distance from the twosome.  I concentrated on my treat, catching sides requiring the next lick.  Secretly, I kept watch on both schoolboys.  The duo by then had moved further out for more space.  Fatso spread his arms wide to his sides, twisted his torso to the left, right and left again as if making himself limber in a Physical Education class.  The tall boy folded his arms, and slowly shook his head as he observed the stuffed butterball.
Fatso stared at me.  His lips slowly puckered in distaste of something I didn't know.  His whole reaction made me imagine a pimple had suddenly appeared on my face.  Not only that, the protrusion was slowly mutating into a mini Krakatau. 
'What?' I crossly blurted to the fat boy after growing uneasy by his unblinking watch. 
Startled by my outburst, he cried 'Aiya!  Solly aaa, pleetty girl!'   
Solly, I assumed, was sorry, an apology to me.  I figured he meant to say pretty girl.  I guessed I was supposed to feel flattered.  However the tone in his voice and his earlier teases made me think he was joking.  I wouldn't be surprised he was practicing saying words with r, which seemed to be a challenge to him.  Fatso called time out with the local lingo 'choup' and his hands making the T sign.  He turned around to the boy behind him.  To my surprise, both began to feverishly converse in sign language.  As I quietly slipped away from the duo, I caught the stumpy boy's mouth moving in tandem with his hand moves.  In contrast, the tall boy only worked his hands.  I understood he had lost a great deal more than I'd initially suspected.
I had caught sight of the lanky, handsome boy many times before.  After school was over, come rain, come shine, an ice cream potong would be my indulgence.  Every instance I ventured across the street, he was there, watching me.  I considered the tall, fair-skinned boy, a school prefect by his red tie, similar to mine, and a 'Prefect' tag pinned to it, was among some of the good looking boys I'd ever encountered.  Except for his atypical large eyes, he appeared Chinese to me.  His eyes made me wonder from which side of his family he inherited them.  That evening, the further I was from the two boys, the more I thought of him.  I couldn't help feeling sorry by my discovery.   His good looks were marred by his disabilities – being deaf and mute.  My imagination began to run wild.  Perhaps similar to the tale of Briar Rose, his parents forgot to invite the thirteenth Chinese fairy godmother for his one month celebration.  Did the boy therefore have to pay for the lapse with his loss of senses?
Many times before, I caught him spying on me even before I crossed the street.  When I neared the ice cream man and his vehicle, the boy would stare at me.  While I bought my favorite treat, he continued admiring me from afar. 
A proud girl on the outside, a shy person inside, I never returned his gaze.  *