Aaron Dennis's Blog - Posts Tagged "reading"
Attention lovers of sci fi and fantasy
Hello, lovers of all that is speculative. There's nothing better than reading sci fi and fantasy, except maybe listening to it.
http://talltaletv.com/
Tall Tale TV is a new site, and is currently under construction, but soon, Christopher Herron will be showcasing short stories. Authors write ’em, he reads ’em, and everybody wins.
As the site states: it’s all free. Tall Tale TV generates revenue from ads, so they absolutely want writers to submit short stories, and they definitely want fans of the genre to stop in and give a listen.
As soon the site goes live, there will be readings of up to 3,000 words performed for millions of potential new fans and readers.
People love to listen to a talented performer read stories and excerpts, so for you writers out there, drop by the site and sneak a peak. For you readers out there, just hold on little while longer, and the site will be live before you know it. Follow @Tall Tale TV on Twitter.
http://talltaletv.com/
Tall Tale TV is a new site, and is currently under construction, but soon, Christopher Herron will be showcasing short stories. Authors write ’em, he reads ’em, and everybody wins.
As the site states: it’s all free. Tall Tale TV generates revenue from ads, so they absolutely want writers to submit short stories, and they definitely want fans of the genre to stop in and give a listen.
As soon the site goes live, there will be readings of up to 3,000 words performed for millions of potential new fans and readers.
People love to listen to a talented performer read stories and excerpts, so for you writers out there, drop by the site and sneak a peak. For you readers out there, just hold on little while longer, and the site will be live before you know it. Follow @Tall Tale TV on Twitter.
A single sentence
Like a word, a single sentence can make or break a book. Books come in all forms; fiction, non-fiction, entertainment, information, third person omniscient, first person narrative, but the structure is basically the same.
A writer uses words to form a sentence, and the sentence is presented in order to define and clarify an idea, but there are some sentences that do the job better than others.
Last time, I made my point by showing how changing a single word in a sentence can elicit different imagery. This time, I want to show the first few sentences from an actual, published book.
I went to Amazon, and by utilizing the look inside feature, I was able to look at the following sentences from the introduction of Marion Gropen’s The Profitable Publisher: Making the Right Decisions.
The following are the first sentences:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers.” But, if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math. My aim here is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly. I’ve never found anyone who couldn’t learn this material. Nor have they ever needed anesthesia! You can do this. You may even enjoy it.
Where do I begin?
First and foremost, I want to point out the use of would and could. Both of these words make for weak writing. I can expound upon this for hours on end, and perhaps, for my next post, I will, but for now, let’s look at the core idea.
A single paragraph is designed to present a single idea, and the sentences within the paragraph are there to explain the idea in the most concise and cogent terms.
So, what’s the key idea, and how do these sentences make or break this book?
The idea is that with Gropen’s information, a small press can thrive. The insinuation is that a small, publishing press can’t survive without doing the math. Great, but let’s look at the first sentence.
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers.”
First of all, this is a wild assumption. Second of all, using would signifies an if situation; this is not an assertion but a guess.
If people find themselves wading through numbers, they would rather have their teeth pulled.
Again, this is an assumption.
A better way to write this is:
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers.
Then, why is numbers in quotations? It isn’t a quote. There’s no dialogue. I understand this is written as a first person narrative, so the author is talking to me, the reader, but then the whole thing requires quotations, and we just don’t do that. Furthermore, numbers isn’t slang, which benefits from an italicized font and not quotations anyway, but I’m deviating from my point, sort of; a sentence is more than what we hear, it’s also what we see, and the punctuation and grammar we use is used to provide the most direct information, especially in regards to an informative book.
This first sentence also dives right into the second sentence:
But, if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
I guess no one taught this author not to start a sentence with a conjunction. Did they forget FANBOYS?
A conjunction ties two ideas together, so, more appropriately, the first two sentences are a single, complex sentence:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers”, but if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
That’s the correct way to write this single sentence. The reason the first comma belongs outside the quotation marks is because what’s quoted isn’t dialogue, and needs to not be in quotations anyway. Secondly, you don’t put a comma after but. The comma goes before the conjunction. Now, I want to add that when we deal with dialogue, many of the rules go out the window, but I’ll deal with that in a later post.
So, we have instead:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their numbers, but if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
Now, that’s a big, bulky, clunky sentence. What’s it saying? It’s saying that publishers don’t want to deal with numbers because it’s unpleasant. Is it unpleasant? Maybe; let’s assume it is.
How does the following sentence sound?
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers.
That says it all. It’s concise, it’s direct, it gives the reader no wiggle room; they know beyond a doubt, just by reading that first sentence, that working through numbers sucks.
So, let’s tackle the next sentence:
My aim here is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly.
I don’t know that here is required. Obviously, if reading this book, the aim is provided in here.
My aim is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly.
It works, but again, it sounds clunky.
How about:
Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do.
This complex sentence accompanies my first sentence, and it provides reassurance to the reader while reinforcing the original premise; doing the numbers sucks.
Next, the writer has the following:
I’ve never found anyone who couldn’t learn this material.
This raises questions; how many people have they taught, how many people have had trouble trying to get over the trouble of dealing with numbers, and if there’s no trouble involved in learning how to get over the difficulties of dealing with the numbers, why is there a whole book devoted to it?
Moreover, this sentence deals with something superfluous. The introduction originally stated that publishers don’t enjoy working through the numbers, and that the premise of the book was going to be about how to get past that difficulty, but this new sentence addresses the ease with which one can get past the difficulty of how difficult it can be to get past working with numbers. Did you get all that? Confusing, right?
Let’s just cut this sentence completely and move on to the next one:
Nor have they ever needed anesthesia!
Well, crapola; now we start a new sentence with another conjunction, which ties back into the premise that people would rather have teeth pulled than wade through numbers. There’s no need to reinforce a would be scenario, and since this is a fragment, we’ll just cut it, too.
Next, we have:
You can do this.
Okay, its’ a little positive reinforcement. That’s good, but why on earth is can both italicized and bold?
Finally, we have:
You may even enjoy it.
Aha, but I may not enjoy it, eh? That just negated the previous, positive reinforcement, so we’ll cut that.
What do we have left then?
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers. Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do. You can do this.
In this version, the final sentence breaks the flow of the paragraph, so you see how important a sequence of properly written sentences is.
A better way to write this is:
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers. Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do. The following pages are filled with simple rules to follow, which will lead you and your small press to success. You can do this, and I’m going to help you.
Now, let’s be honest; which book are you more likely to read? Do you have a better understanding of the importance of proper sentences and how seemingly similar sentences can evoke totally different mindsets?
Thank you.
A writer uses words to form a sentence, and the sentence is presented in order to define and clarify an idea, but there are some sentences that do the job better than others.
Last time, I made my point by showing how changing a single word in a sentence can elicit different imagery. This time, I want to show the first few sentences from an actual, published book.
I went to Amazon, and by utilizing the look inside feature, I was able to look at the following sentences from the introduction of Marion Gropen’s The Profitable Publisher: Making the Right Decisions.
The following are the first sentences:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers.” But, if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math. My aim here is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly. I’ve never found anyone who couldn’t learn this material. Nor have they ever needed anesthesia! You can do this. You may even enjoy it.
Where do I begin?
First and foremost, I want to point out the use of would and could. Both of these words make for weak writing. I can expound upon this for hours on end, and perhaps, for my next post, I will, but for now, let’s look at the core idea.
A single paragraph is designed to present a single idea, and the sentences within the paragraph are there to explain the idea in the most concise and cogent terms.
So, what’s the key idea, and how do these sentences make or break this book?
The idea is that with Gropen’s information, a small press can thrive. The insinuation is that a small, publishing press can’t survive without doing the math. Great, but let’s look at the first sentence.
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers.”
First of all, this is a wild assumption. Second of all, using would signifies an if situation; this is not an assertion but a guess.
If people find themselves wading through numbers, they would rather have their teeth pulled.
Again, this is an assumption.
A better way to write this is:
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers.
Then, why is numbers in quotations? It isn’t a quote. There’s no dialogue. I understand this is written as a first person narrative, so the author is talking to me, the reader, but then the whole thing requires quotations, and we just don’t do that. Furthermore, numbers isn’t slang, which benefits from an italicized font and not quotations anyway, but I’m deviating from my point, sort of; a sentence is more than what we hear, it’s also what we see, and the punctuation and grammar we use is used to provide the most direct information, especially in regards to an informative book.
This first sentence also dives right into the second sentence:
But, if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
I guess no one taught this author not to start a sentence with a conjunction. Did they forget FANBOYS?
A conjunction ties two ideas together, so, more appropriately, the first two sentences are a single, complex sentence:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their “numbers”, but if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
That’s the correct way to write this single sentence. The reason the first comma belongs outside the quotation marks is because what’s quoted isn’t dialogue, and needs to not be in quotations anyway. Secondly, you don’t put a comma after but. The comma goes before the conjunction. Now, I want to add that when we deal with dialogue, many of the rules go out the window, but I’ll deal with that in a later post.
So, we have instead:
Most publishing folks would rather have their teeth pulled than wade into their numbers, but if you want to survive and thrive as a small press, you can’t afford to avoid the math.
Now, that’s a big, bulky, clunky sentence. What’s it saying? It’s saying that publishers don’t want to deal with numbers because it’s unpleasant. Is it unpleasant? Maybe; let’s assume it is.
How does the following sentence sound?
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers.
That says it all. It’s concise, it’s direct, it gives the reader no wiggle room; they know beyond a doubt, just by reading that first sentence, that working through numbers sucks.
So, let’s tackle the next sentence:
My aim here is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly.
I don’t know that here is required. Obviously, if reading this book, the aim is provided in here.
My aim is to get you past any difficulties, painlessly.
It works, but again, it sounds clunky.
How about:
Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do.
This complex sentence accompanies my first sentence, and it provides reassurance to the reader while reinforcing the original premise; doing the numbers sucks.
Next, the writer has the following:
I’ve never found anyone who couldn’t learn this material.
This raises questions; how many people have they taught, how many people have had trouble trying to get over the trouble of dealing with numbers, and if there’s no trouble involved in learning how to get over the difficulties of dealing with the numbers, why is there a whole book devoted to it?
Moreover, this sentence deals with something superfluous. The introduction originally stated that publishers don’t enjoy working through the numbers, and that the premise of the book was going to be about how to get past that difficulty, but this new sentence addresses the ease with which one can get past the difficulty of how difficult it can be to get past working with numbers. Did you get all that? Confusing, right?
Let’s just cut this sentence completely and move on to the next one:
Nor have they ever needed anesthesia!
Well, crapola; now we start a new sentence with another conjunction, which ties back into the premise that people would rather have teeth pulled than wade through numbers. There’s no need to reinforce a would be scenario, and since this is a fragment, we’ll just cut it, too.
Next, we have:
You can do this.
Okay, its’ a little positive reinforcement. That’s good, but why on earth is can both italicized and bold?
Finally, we have:
You may even enjoy it.
Aha, but I may not enjoy it, eh? That just negated the previous, positive reinforcement, so we’ll cut that.
What do we have left then?
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers. Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do. You can do this.
In this version, the final sentence breaks the flow of the paragraph, so you see how important a sequence of properly written sentences is.
A better way to write this is:
No publisher enjoys wading through the numbers. Unfortunately, the math is crucial to a small press, but don’t fret; I’m going to show you what to do. The following pages are filled with simple rules to follow, which will lead you and your small press to success. You can do this, and I’m going to help you.
Now, let’s be honest; which book are you more likely to read? Do you have a better understanding of the importance of proper sentences and how seemingly similar sentences can evoke totally different mindsets?
Thank you.
woulda, shoulda, coulda
I would go to the store if it wasn’t raining.
I could leave the house, but there are zombies outside.
I should fix the car, but I’m saving up for a boat.
Would, could, and should are what I consider if words; they imply, they insinuate, and they excuse or absolve one from the action at hand. Generally, they make for weak writing when they’re used in prose, and for all of you who often read self published, or independently published, books, you’ll notice that every writer uses one of those words in every other sentence, on every single page.
Sometimes, would, could, and should are great words. People do use them in dialogue. At times, would, could, and should work well in prose, too, but this is a difficult maneuver.
Since they’re weak words, or implications rather than assertions, they’re great words for either a weaker character, or they can be used to show deliberation. I’ll provide examples of everything in a moment, but first I want to portray, I mean, really get across, how different prose can be with and without those words.
I always like to take a look at the works of writers who claim to be best sellers. I often check their work, their rankings, and find that they are far from best sellers. Then, I look at the reviews, and often they have 500, glowing, five star reviews, but they have about a dozen one star reviews, and when I check them out, I can see that the one star reviews are given by angered readers, and the five star reviews are given by other authors.
Why are authors doing this? They think that giving each other great reviews in exchange for great reviews sells more books, and they think that reviews are for authors, and they think that they can trick people into buying a bad book, and sometimes it works, and that’s why the readers are angry when they buy a poorly written book.
Reviews are for readers, though; a reader decides that a book was or wasn’t worth their money, their time, and they want to let others know. Readers and authors aren’t reviewing Stephen King’s Dreamcatcher to help him sell more copies.
Generally, when it comes to reviews of indie books, there’s one chief complaint- lack of editing, sometimes called clunky writing, or poor flow, or they say it reads like a draft. Why? Why does this happen to every indie writer, and why are no indie authors spotting this?
Editors spot this kind of stuff. I say it all the time: Editing is not the same as proof reading, editing software cannot make your account of events more palatable to readers; you must hire a competent editor. Editors aren’t working for authors; they’re working for readers. Readers deserve to spend their money on a well written story, regardless of whether or not they enjoyed the plot, characters, etc.; you’ll never please everyone, but an editor goes a long way.
So, I have a short excerpt from Lola Silverman’s, Escorting the Wrong Billionaire.
Excerpts can be used in reviews and discussion, so I just grabbed the first few lines from the book by using Amazon’s look inside feature, a feature that readers need to use before they buy.
Kaylee opened the window of her apartment and took a deep breath. Perching her butt on the sill, she slung her legs out onto the fire escape. She hated heights. Thank God her unit was only on the second floor. Any farther up and she would have fainted dead away before plummeting to the concrete. (Aaron’s mental note: I thought there was a fire escape.)
Someone pounded on her front door. “Kaylee! I know you’re in there. I’ve given you three weeks on the rent and I can’t give you any more. Pay up or I’m going to have you evicted!” (Aaron’s mental note. Front door? This is a second story apartment. Is there more than one door?)
Yeah, hitting her head might actually be a positive thing. (Aaron’s mental note: Not sure from where this thought came. Who gave the idea of hitting her head?) If she had a concussion, maybe Mrs. Tobolovsky would feel sorry for her and give her another week to pay her rent. Except a concussion would mean a trip to the hospital—and that Kaylee could not afford.
Let’s see…five sentences in, would. Eleven in, would. Twelve, would and could. That’s four uses in two paragraphs, but what other way is there to write out this scenario? Do readers really care about would and could or weak writing?
Aaron’s rewrite:
Kaylee opened her studio apartment’s window. There, she sat, peeking out into the monotony of the world. Her feet dangled carelessly. While she didn’t like heights—the mere thought churned her stomach—she was on the second floor and protected by the fire escape. A sudden pounding drew her attention.
“Kaylee, I know you’re in there! You’re three weeks late on the rent! How many times we gotta’ go through this?” Mrs. Tobolovsky made her regular effort to collect, yelling and pounding, in the hopes of avoiding an eviction. “Hey!” She screamed, and followed up with another set of fists to the door. “I’m tellin’ you, you get your head straight, or you’re outta’ here!”
Yeah, my head straight, Kaylee thought. Rather than paying, she felt sorry for herself, her situation, and figured she was better off with a concussion than having her head straight. Unfortunately, a concussion came with more than a headache, it came with bills, and if she didn’t have rent money, she didn’t have hospital money.
See? The original phrasing was just awkward, and it didn’t tell us what we needed to know- Kaylee is in a jam, and she doesn’t have her life together. Instead, the original prose took us into and out of different perspectives and tenses, and with a weaker voice.
Let’s see, step-by-step, what changes were made and why.
Kaylee opened the window of her apartment and took a deep breath.
Nothing wrong there. It’s a great opener.
Perching her butt on the sill, she slung her legs out onto the fire escape.
Still moving along, but that’s weird. She slung her legs onto the fire escape? How are the window and escape built? Shouldn’t her feet be on the escape? Perching her butt…we normally sit on our butt and perch on our toes, like squatting. We know Kaylee is at home, sitting on the window sill, and with her feet over the fire escape…right?
She hated heights.
If she hates heights, why is she doing this? How far up is she? Well, we get a partial answer in the next sentence.
Thank God her unit was only on the second floor.
Okay, so she hates heights, but being nearly twenty feet up in the air is okay? Besides, she’s over the fire escape, which has a platform, right? Then, we get a weird addition in the next sentence.
Any farther up and she would have fainted dead away before plummeting to the concrete.
So, what do we have? What do we know? What is this paragraph trying to tell me, the reader? It tells me Kaylee is dangling her legs out from her window, and that she’s okay doing so because she’s not up very high, but I’m also told there’s a fire escape, and then I’m told she would otherwise faint and plummet to the concrete. It’s conflicting and confusing information. As a reader, do I want to learn more? I’m so plagued with questions.
Next, we have the following:
Someone pounded on her front door.
Alright, simple enough.
“Kaylee! I know you’re in there. I’ve given you three weeks on the rent and I can’t give you any more. Pay up or I’m going to have you evicted!”
Here, we have some dialogue, and now we get an idea of what’s going on. As a reader, now I’m assuming that Kaylee is a derelict, or that, perhaps, Tobolovsky is a horrible person. It is implied that Kaylee doesn’t pay her rent, and judging from the tone, this is a regular occurrence. Now, I’m expecting something to happen; there’s an opening for a discussion, or action, or some event.
Yeah, hitting her head might actually be a positive thing.
Okay, this is Kaylee’s internal dialogue, right? I wonder why it's her head and not my head. She’s having a rather strange thought from out of the blue. Who mentioned anything about hitting the head? Why is that a positive thing?
If she had a concussion, maybe Mrs. Tobolovsky would feel sorry for her and give her another week to pay her rent.
Well, that’s a strange a take on the story. Am I supposed to think that this character, Kaylee, is actually considering giving herself a concussion to avoid some rent? Why is that her first go to thought when the rent is overdue, assuming it’s overdue? I’m not really even sure that’s the case.
Except a concussion would mean a trip to the hospital—and that Kaylee could not afford.
Seems fairly obvious, but why is that sentence written that way? Why is there a dash? A comma is required. Furthermore, it’s evident, for those who live in America, that healthcare costs can outweigh the cost of an apartment, but if I’m not American, this is really confusing, and it’s confusing anyway because Kaylee must have access to all this information, which means her thoughts just don’t make sense, and why does she think, or expect us to think, or tell us to think that Tobolovsky might feel sorry and give her a break? If she’s injured, she surely won’t be able to pay the rent for that month or likely the next. It’s just baffling.
There is something here, though; we have the idea that Kaylee is a self-pitying, underachiever, who likes to make excuses for herself and not take responsibility, which has the makings of a great character if she’s made to overcome obstacles. That’s why I provided my version.
Kaylee opened her studio apartment’s window.
Okay, that’s the same opener, basically.
There, she sat, peeking out into the monotony of the world.
Ah, see, I gave her a reason to open the window and sit rather than perch; she’s looking out at the monotony of the world. Now, she sounds like a tortured soul. Besides, we know how people sit; there’s no real reason to go into it, and while there is a time for perch, now is not that time.
Her feet dangled carelessly.
That sentence further implies her angst.
While she didn’t like heights—the mere thought churned her stomach—she was on the second floor and protected by the fire escape.
I kept the fact that she didn’t like heights, and kept that confusing feeling of her odd behavior along with the fact that she doesn’t like heights; angst plus strife makes for a great read. Furthermore, the structure of the sentence flows much more naturally. We also know how she feels physically when she’s up too high, but we also know she’s fine due to the fire escape, and not the senseless idea of not being too high; if you’re afraid of heights, sitting on the second story window sill is terrifying!
A sudden pounding drew her attention.
I wrote this in this fashion to slap the reader from a rather tranquil, if confusing, scene to something alarming. You have the mental image that she spun her head to face the door in surprise, right?
“Kaylee, I know you’re in there! You’re three weeks late on the rent! How many times we gotta’ go through this?” Mrs. Tobolovsky made her regular effort to collect, yelling and pounding, in the hopes of avoiding an eviction. “Hey!” She screamed, and followed up with another set of fists to the door. “I’m tellin’ you, you get your head straight, or you’re outta’ here!”
I changed this whole dialogue block because the original was stock and somehow confusing. We were told Kaylee had been given three weeks on the rent, but not that she was overdue. Also, the reader knows Tobolovsky doesn’t want to evict. Now, I made the distinction. Furthermore, I didn’t leave it up to the reader to assume this happened before, I straight said it, and, on top of all that, tenants can’t usually get evicted for being three weeks late on the rent, and it takes a month’s notice to evict, so I changed the dialogue for a realistic feel, not to mention that the intermittent pounding sounds far more menacing than the original version of this dialogue.
Yeah, my head straight, Kaylee thought.
In keeping with the idea of giving oneself a concussions, I actually gave a reasonable lead in to this idea with Tobolovsky’s dialogue.
Rather than paying, she felt sorry for herself, her situation, and figured she was better off with a concussion than having her head straight.
Here, I explained it all. We still don’t know why Kaylee doesn’t pay, which adds a touch of mystery. Is she a broke student? Has she recently been laid off? Does she have a kid? We don’t know, but we are curious, and especially because she’s considering knocking herself out rather than forking over the dough.
Unfortunately, a concussion came with more than a headache, it came with bills, and if she didn’t have rent money, she didn’t have hospital money.
Again, explained, and all without implications. The reader now knows by way of an assertion: Kaylee has no money and while getting knocked out sounds worthwhile, she does know it isn’t useful.
When comparing the two versions, it becomes quite clear that the original version doesn’t even know where it’s going; the writer doesn’t know what she wants her readers to think, feel, or know. That’s okay, though, most writers are like this; writers provide a sequential account of events. Editors turn those accounts into a story.
Now, I want to provide some original examples of when would, could, and should are great.
“Hey, Bill, you busy,” John asked.
“Nope. What’s up, John?”
“Well,” John hesitated, rubbing his chin. “I need to go to the hardware store and pick up a new ladder, so I was hoping you would like to come along.”
Bill smiled and looked away. “I would love to help you out, bud, but my pick up truck’s in the shop. Otherwise, I could help you.”
This is a very real conversation. Now, in a more lively context, the words I would are usually written as I’d, but I didn’t want to pull focus from the use of would. At any rate, two friends discussing a project can certainly come across like that, and one friend certainly wants to help the other, and one friend certainly doesn’t want to pressure the other, so the words would show deliberation, and they are followed up by an excuse or a reason, so it isn’t weak writing in this case; it’s a real situation, however, we also know that neither John nor Bill are jerks; jerks don’t give a reason or excuse, so they won’t use would or could in dialogue, or at least, not this dialogue.
Let’s take a look in prose.
John would’ve gone outside, but the hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
What do we know? There are zombies. John is scared of them. He wants to go out, but he won’t. He has an excuse not to go out; there are zombies.
This is a perfect way to convey to the reader that John wants something, but he doesn’t have what it takes to get the job done, and it’s very relatable, but we also expect, if John is the protagonist, he will get over his fear in order to grow as a character, and get the job done, and therein lies the problem; if would, could, and should keep following John around, we’re always going to feel that he’s deliberating!
Let’s see what happens when we play with words.
John didn’t want to go outside. Hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
In this case, there’s nothing implied. We don’t think John wants to go out at all, zombies or no zombies; we know John doesn’t want to go out. We’re then shown that there are zombies still roaming around, but we have a totally different John. The first John wanted to go out, but was scared. This second John just doesn’t want to go out, then we find out why; he’s so scared, he isn’t even considering going outside.
Would changed absolutely everything, so there is a time to use it, but the writer/editor has to know what they want to portray.
Let’s look at one more example.
John didn’t go outside. Hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
In this case, it is implied that John wants to go outside, and then we find out why he doesn’t go, but we’re led to believe that he will venture outdoors at some point, so we’re expecting something to happen, but what? We don’t know, so this creates a degree of tension, expectation.
In the end, I won’t say that there’s a right or wrong way to do something; I’ll leave that conclusion up to you, but I will say that there is a time and a place to use certain words, that every word has a special impact on storytelling, and that it is extremely important for a writer/editor to read the work as a reader, because the reader is not in our mind, and we must convey to them what to think, feel, and know.
Thank you.
I could leave the house, but there are zombies outside.
I should fix the car, but I’m saving up for a boat.
Would, could, and should are what I consider if words; they imply, they insinuate, and they excuse or absolve one from the action at hand. Generally, they make for weak writing when they’re used in prose, and for all of you who often read self published, or independently published, books, you’ll notice that every writer uses one of those words in every other sentence, on every single page.
Sometimes, would, could, and should are great words. People do use them in dialogue. At times, would, could, and should work well in prose, too, but this is a difficult maneuver.
Since they’re weak words, or implications rather than assertions, they’re great words for either a weaker character, or they can be used to show deliberation. I’ll provide examples of everything in a moment, but first I want to portray, I mean, really get across, how different prose can be with and without those words.
I always like to take a look at the works of writers who claim to be best sellers. I often check their work, their rankings, and find that they are far from best sellers. Then, I look at the reviews, and often they have 500, glowing, five star reviews, but they have about a dozen one star reviews, and when I check them out, I can see that the one star reviews are given by angered readers, and the five star reviews are given by other authors.
Why are authors doing this? They think that giving each other great reviews in exchange for great reviews sells more books, and they think that reviews are for authors, and they think that they can trick people into buying a bad book, and sometimes it works, and that’s why the readers are angry when they buy a poorly written book.
Reviews are for readers, though; a reader decides that a book was or wasn’t worth their money, their time, and they want to let others know. Readers and authors aren’t reviewing Stephen King’s Dreamcatcher to help him sell more copies.
Generally, when it comes to reviews of indie books, there’s one chief complaint- lack of editing, sometimes called clunky writing, or poor flow, or they say it reads like a draft. Why? Why does this happen to every indie writer, and why are no indie authors spotting this?
Editors spot this kind of stuff. I say it all the time: Editing is not the same as proof reading, editing software cannot make your account of events more palatable to readers; you must hire a competent editor. Editors aren’t working for authors; they’re working for readers. Readers deserve to spend their money on a well written story, regardless of whether or not they enjoyed the plot, characters, etc.; you’ll never please everyone, but an editor goes a long way.
So, I have a short excerpt from Lola Silverman’s, Escorting the Wrong Billionaire.
Excerpts can be used in reviews and discussion, so I just grabbed the first few lines from the book by using Amazon’s look inside feature, a feature that readers need to use before they buy.
Kaylee opened the window of her apartment and took a deep breath. Perching her butt on the sill, she slung her legs out onto the fire escape. She hated heights. Thank God her unit was only on the second floor. Any farther up and she would have fainted dead away before plummeting to the concrete. (Aaron’s mental note: I thought there was a fire escape.)
Someone pounded on her front door. “Kaylee! I know you’re in there. I’ve given you three weeks on the rent and I can’t give you any more. Pay up or I’m going to have you evicted!” (Aaron’s mental note. Front door? This is a second story apartment. Is there more than one door?)
Yeah, hitting her head might actually be a positive thing. (Aaron’s mental note: Not sure from where this thought came. Who gave the idea of hitting her head?) If she had a concussion, maybe Mrs. Tobolovsky would feel sorry for her and give her another week to pay her rent. Except a concussion would mean a trip to the hospital—and that Kaylee could not afford.
Let’s see…five sentences in, would. Eleven in, would. Twelve, would and could. That’s four uses in two paragraphs, but what other way is there to write out this scenario? Do readers really care about would and could or weak writing?
Aaron’s rewrite:
Kaylee opened her studio apartment’s window. There, she sat, peeking out into the monotony of the world. Her feet dangled carelessly. While she didn’t like heights—the mere thought churned her stomach—she was on the second floor and protected by the fire escape. A sudden pounding drew her attention.
“Kaylee, I know you’re in there! You’re three weeks late on the rent! How many times we gotta’ go through this?” Mrs. Tobolovsky made her regular effort to collect, yelling and pounding, in the hopes of avoiding an eviction. “Hey!” She screamed, and followed up with another set of fists to the door. “I’m tellin’ you, you get your head straight, or you’re outta’ here!”
Yeah, my head straight, Kaylee thought. Rather than paying, she felt sorry for herself, her situation, and figured she was better off with a concussion than having her head straight. Unfortunately, a concussion came with more than a headache, it came with bills, and if she didn’t have rent money, she didn’t have hospital money.
See? The original phrasing was just awkward, and it didn’t tell us what we needed to know- Kaylee is in a jam, and she doesn’t have her life together. Instead, the original prose took us into and out of different perspectives and tenses, and with a weaker voice.
Let’s see, step-by-step, what changes were made and why.
Kaylee opened the window of her apartment and took a deep breath.
Nothing wrong there. It’s a great opener.
Perching her butt on the sill, she slung her legs out onto the fire escape.
Still moving along, but that’s weird. She slung her legs onto the fire escape? How are the window and escape built? Shouldn’t her feet be on the escape? Perching her butt…we normally sit on our butt and perch on our toes, like squatting. We know Kaylee is at home, sitting on the window sill, and with her feet over the fire escape…right?
She hated heights.
If she hates heights, why is she doing this? How far up is she? Well, we get a partial answer in the next sentence.
Thank God her unit was only on the second floor.
Okay, so she hates heights, but being nearly twenty feet up in the air is okay? Besides, she’s over the fire escape, which has a platform, right? Then, we get a weird addition in the next sentence.
Any farther up and she would have fainted dead away before plummeting to the concrete.
So, what do we have? What do we know? What is this paragraph trying to tell me, the reader? It tells me Kaylee is dangling her legs out from her window, and that she’s okay doing so because she’s not up very high, but I’m also told there’s a fire escape, and then I’m told she would otherwise faint and plummet to the concrete. It’s conflicting and confusing information. As a reader, do I want to learn more? I’m so plagued with questions.
Next, we have the following:
Someone pounded on her front door.
Alright, simple enough.
“Kaylee! I know you’re in there. I’ve given you three weeks on the rent and I can’t give you any more. Pay up or I’m going to have you evicted!”
Here, we have some dialogue, and now we get an idea of what’s going on. As a reader, now I’m assuming that Kaylee is a derelict, or that, perhaps, Tobolovsky is a horrible person. It is implied that Kaylee doesn’t pay her rent, and judging from the tone, this is a regular occurrence. Now, I’m expecting something to happen; there’s an opening for a discussion, or action, or some event.
Yeah, hitting her head might actually be a positive thing.
Okay, this is Kaylee’s internal dialogue, right? I wonder why it's her head and not my head. She’s having a rather strange thought from out of the blue. Who mentioned anything about hitting the head? Why is that a positive thing?
If she had a concussion, maybe Mrs. Tobolovsky would feel sorry for her and give her another week to pay her rent.
Well, that’s a strange a take on the story. Am I supposed to think that this character, Kaylee, is actually considering giving herself a concussion to avoid some rent? Why is that her first go to thought when the rent is overdue, assuming it’s overdue? I’m not really even sure that’s the case.
Except a concussion would mean a trip to the hospital—and that Kaylee could not afford.
Seems fairly obvious, but why is that sentence written that way? Why is there a dash? A comma is required. Furthermore, it’s evident, for those who live in America, that healthcare costs can outweigh the cost of an apartment, but if I’m not American, this is really confusing, and it’s confusing anyway because Kaylee must have access to all this information, which means her thoughts just don’t make sense, and why does she think, or expect us to think, or tell us to think that Tobolovsky might feel sorry and give her a break? If she’s injured, she surely won’t be able to pay the rent for that month or likely the next. It’s just baffling.
There is something here, though; we have the idea that Kaylee is a self-pitying, underachiever, who likes to make excuses for herself and not take responsibility, which has the makings of a great character if she’s made to overcome obstacles. That’s why I provided my version.
Kaylee opened her studio apartment’s window.
Okay, that’s the same opener, basically.
There, she sat, peeking out into the monotony of the world.
Ah, see, I gave her a reason to open the window and sit rather than perch; she’s looking out at the monotony of the world. Now, she sounds like a tortured soul. Besides, we know how people sit; there’s no real reason to go into it, and while there is a time for perch, now is not that time.
Her feet dangled carelessly.
That sentence further implies her angst.
While she didn’t like heights—the mere thought churned her stomach—she was on the second floor and protected by the fire escape.
I kept the fact that she didn’t like heights, and kept that confusing feeling of her odd behavior along with the fact that she doesn’t like heights; angst plus strife makes for a great read. Furthermore, the structure of the sentence flows much more naturally. We also know how she feels physically when she’s up too high, but we also know she’s fine due to the fire escape, and not the senseless idea of not being too high; if you’re afraid of heights, sitting on the second story window sill is terrifying!
A sudden pounding drew her attention.
I wrote this in this fashion to slap the reader from a rather tranquil, if confusing, scene to something alarming. You have the mental image that she spun her head to face the door in surprise, right?
“Kaylee, I know you’re in there! You’re three weeks late on the rent! How many times we gotta’ go through this?” Mrs. Tobolovsky made her regular effort to collect, yelling and pounding, in the hopes of avoiding an eviction. “Hey!” She screamed, and followed up with another set of fists to the door. “I’m tellin’ you, you get your head straight, or you’re outta’ here!”
I changed this whole dialogue block because the original was stock and somehow confusing. We were told Kaylee had been given three weeks on the rent, but not that she was overdue. Also, the reader knows Tobolovsky doesn’t want to evict. Now, I made the distinction. Furthermore, I didn’t leave it up to the reader to assume this happened before, I straight said it, and, on top of all that, tenants can’t usually get evicted for being three weeks late on the rent, and it takes a month’s notice to evict, so I changed the dialogue for a realistic feel, not to mention that the intermittent pounding sounds far more menacing than the original version of this dialogue.
Yeah, my head straight, Kaylee thought.
In keeping with the idea of giving oneself a concussions, I actually gave a reasonable lead in to this idea with Tobolovsky’s dialogue.
Rather than paying, she felt sorry for herself, her situation, and figured she was better off with a concussion than having her head straight.
Here, I explained it all. We still don’t know why Kaylee doesn’t pay, which adds a touch of mystery. Is she a broke student? Has she recently been laid off? Does she have a kid? We don’t know, but we are curious, and especially because she’s considering knocking herself out rather than forking over the dough.
Unfortunately, a concussion came with more than a headache, it came with bills, and if she didn’t have rent money, she didn’t have hospital money.
Again, explained, and all without implications. The reader now knows by way of an assertion: Kaylee has no money and while getting knocked out sounds worthwhile, she does know it isn’t useful.
When comparing the two versions, it becomes quite clear that the original version doesn’t even know where it’s going; the writer doesn’t know what she wants her readers to think, feel, or know. That’s okay, though, most writers are like this; writers provide a sequential account of events. Editors turn those accounts into a story.
Now, I want to provide some original examples of when would, could, and should are great.
“Hey, Bill, you busy,” John asked.
“Nope. What’s up, John?”
“Well,” John hesitated, rubbing his chin. “I need to go to the hardware store and pick up a new ladder, so I was hoping you would like to come along.”
Bill smiled and looked away. “I would love to help you out, bud, but my pick up truck’s in the shop. Otherwise, I could help you.”
This is a very real conversation. Now, in a more lively context, the words I would are usually written as I’d, but I didn’t want to pull focus from the use of would. At any rate, two friends discussing a project can certainly come across like that, and one friend certainly wants to help the other, and one friend certainly doesn’t want to pressure the other, so the words would show deliberation, and they are followed up by an excuse or a reason, so it isn’t weak writing in this case; it’s a real situation, however, we also know that neither John nor Bill are jerks; jerks don’t give a reason or excuse, so they won’t use would or could in dialogue, or at least, not this dialogue.
Let’s take a look in prose.
John would’ve gone outside, but the hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
What do we know? There are zombies. John is scared of them. He wants to go out, but he won’t. He has an excuse not to go out; there are zombies.
This is a perfect way to convey to the reader that John wants something, but he doesn’t have what it takes to get the job done, and it’s very relatable, but we also expect, if John is the protagonist, he will get over his fear in order to grow as a character, and get the job done, and therein lies the problem; if would, could, and should keep following John around, we’re always going to feel that he’s deliberating!
Let’s see what happens when we play with words.
John didn’t want to go outside. Hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
In this case, there’s nothing implied. We don’t think John wants to go out at all, zombies or no zombies; we know John doesn’t want to go out. We’re then shown that there are zombies still roaming around, but we have a totally different John. The first John wanted to go out, but was scared. This second John just doesn’t want to go out, then we find out why; he’s so scared, he isn’t even considering going outside.
Would changed absolutely everything, so there is a time to use it, but the writer/editor has to know what they want to portray.
Let’s look at one more example.
John didn’t go outside. Hordes of zombies were still shuffling around the neighborhood.
In this case, it is implied that John wants to go outside, and then we find out why he doesn’t go, but we’re led to believe that he will venture outdoors at some point, so we’re expecting something to happen, but what? We don’t know, so this creates a degree of tension, expectation.
In the end, I won’t say that there’s a right or wrong way to do something; I’ll leave that conclusion up to you, but I will say that there is a time and a place to use certain words, that every word has a special impact on storytelling, and that it is extremely important for a writer/editor to read the work as a reader, because the reader is not in our mind, and we must convey to them what to think, feel, and know.
Thank you.
Structure
Welcome back, everyone.
Last time we touched a little bit on the words would and could, and how they make writing sound weak.
This time, I want to touch on something a little bit different, yet it is still correlated to weak writing. I want to talk about the overall structure of sentences and paragraphs.
Once again, I’ve delved into the works of a “Best Selling Author”. I put it in quotations because this is an excerpt of the first few lines of Gary Lindberg’s The Shekinah Legacy. This is another author who simply says he’s a best seller, and he even goes so far as to photoshop a best selling award label onto the cover of his books, but if you check his books’ rankings, he’s far from best seller status.
That said, if he chose to misrepresent his books, he may have achieved Amazon Best Seller; it isn’t difficult to do. All you need is to choose an obscure set of labels for your book, like Free Masonry and Christian Murder. Then, you sell three copies, and your book is a “best seller”, for two or three hours, but long enough to snap a screen shot of your rank, and then you can show everyone how amazing you are, calling yourself a “Best Selling Author”.
Readers, however, see right through it. Readers take a look at the first pages of a book, and they know right away if the author has the makings of a best seller.
Best selling authors have great editors to translate the author’s dry account into a wonderful experience. This book either lacked an editor, or Lindberg used an incompetent editor.
As always, I have provided the original, published work—just a couple of lines, which any lookie-loo can scrutinize by taking advantage of Amazon’s look inside feature—followed by my inspection and rewrite, and the reason behind it.
Let’s take a look.
Some day you will read this, my dear, and see more clearly how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive me for not having had the wisdom or foresight to prevent the tragedies that befell our little family, though the great sweep of history was against us, as you know.
Alright, that’s not a terrible opener. It’s only two sentences, and paragraphs are normally a minimum of three sentences, but this is somewhat appealing; we know that someone has left someone else a note. We know there was some tragedy, but what is this business of a great sweep? The metaphor has eluded me. Furthermore, it is my belief that this should have been in italics; style matters as structure is more than the just the order of words, it is also the punctuation we see, as that punctuation changes the voice and tone in a reader’s head.
You may remember that I have always been a compulsive note taker; perhaps that’s why I was drawn to broadcast journalism where my notepad and digital voice recorder were my most faithful companions. My notes are serving me well now.
Okay, the monologue was originally referring to their little family, right? Tragedies befell them and all that; but now we see something strange. It reads You may remember that…. which begs the question; how can such a tight family forget? Obviously, they won’t, which makes that first sentence a little awkward, plus it goes on to say that perhaps, that was why he was drawn to journalism. People usually know why they enter a career field, especially one so complex and demanding as broadcast journalism, which requires years of schooling and internships. Moreover, I don’t really know what note taking has to do with broadcast journalism; they aren’t really note takers; they’re investigators, who might take notes.
I have never had trouble finding the start of a story except for this one. The real story, I’m sure, began thousands of years ago, but it seems now that the best lead-in to our story was in Iraq, so I will begin there. Every good news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and this one certainly got my attention.
Wait a minute! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! We just read a moment ago that his notes were serving him well. What happened? Also, the word our, which is underlined, why? On top of that, we’re getting so many mixed messages that none of this makes any sense.
His notes are serving him well, but he can’t find the beginning of the story, yet he’s sure it began thousands of years ago. It’s all over the place and confusing. Let’s push forwards.
I remember that it was impossibly hot and dry on that Tuesday morning in Baghdad. The wind had stirred up a dust storm so thick that you could stare directly at the sun without hurting your eyes. Everything around us was eerily tinted orange. It was like being stuck in a block of amber looking out. I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
Hold the phone, Sally. Just a moment ago, we were told that every news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and that this one certainly got his attention. What’s the teaser? What’s happening? Has the internal monologue—the note—ended? Are we in the story now, or is this still the note that the person is supposedly reading? If it is, why is the weather important? What is it like to be stuck inside a block of amber? Doesn’t that cause death? Looking through a block of amber, perhaps, but this is just bad writing, bad story telling.
This is not best selling material…but it can be turned into best selling material by a real editor. I’m not questioning the appeal, ingenuity, or entertainment value of the story hidden between the poor structure; I’m questioning the value of the poor structure, but I think I can patch it up.
My rewrite:
My Dear, I hope that you read this one day and understand how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive my lack of wisdom, my lack of foresight, the very causes of the tragedy that befell our family. The great sweep of history, however, is against us.
(My notes: I still don’t know what a great sweep is, but I’ll leave it as it may be the author’s personal touch. You’ll noticed I italicized it all, which I’ll bet makes it sound like it’s echoing in your head now, right? It is also three sentences long.)
You know I’ve always been a compulsive note taker—it’s why I was drawn into broadcast journalism—my notepad and digital voice recorder, my eternal companions. My notes are certainly serving me well, or they were…now I find myself unable to pinpoint the beginning of a story, a story I’m sure began thousands of years ago, yet all the details point to Iraq, so I’ll begin there.
Look at that change. We know they know he was a compulsive note taker. He isn’t wondering what pulled him to journalism, his devices aren’t faithful, as that doesn’t make sense, but eternal companions, and we see that his notes were serving well, but now, there is trouble. Suspense has been built. We can practically hear the deliberation in his voice. We have been pulled in.
I cut the line about the teaser. That sentence bugged me to no end because the teaser is never provided, and I’m not going to come up with one. A real editor tells his writer to provide at least one or two lines if he’s going to mention the teaser at all. Also, I added a scene break between the previous set of lines and these following lines as I believe the note he left behind has ended, and now we are in the story.
That first Tuesday morning in Baghdad was brutally hot and dry. Such a dust storm whirled through the air; the sun was shrouded by an orange haze. It was amidst a coughing fit that I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
We still have the orange haze, we know it’s hot, we know it’s dry, and it’s so hot, dry, and dusty, that he has a coughing fit. Now, this is real. Now, this is a story, and no longer a dry account of things. This is the difference between showing and telling.
Below, read the original. Then, let’s read the rewrite and see how it feels.
Some day you will read this, my dear, and see more clearly how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive me for not having had the wisdom or foresight to prevent the tragedies that befell our little family, though the great sweep of history was against us, as you know.
You may remember that I have always been a compulsive note taker; perhaps that’s why I was drawn to broadcast journalism where my notepad and digital voice recorder were my most faithful companions. My notes are serving me well now.
I have never had trouble finding the start of a story except for this one. The real story, I’m sure, began thousands of years ago, but it seems now that the best lead-in to our story was in Iraq, so I will begin there. Every good news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and this one certainly got my attention.
I remember that it was impossibly hot and dry on that Tuesday morning in Baghdad. The wind had stirred up a dust storm so thick that you could stare directly at the sun without hurting your eyes. Everything around us was eerily tinted orange. It was like being stuck in a block of amber looking out. I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
Versus
My Dear, I hope that you read this one day and understand how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive my lack of wisdom, my lack of foresight, the very causes of the tragedy that befell our family. The great sweep of history, however, is against us.
You know I’ve always been a compulsive note taker—it’s why I was drawn into broadcast journalism—my notepad and digital voice recorder, my eternal companions. My notes are certainly serving me well, or they were…now I find myself unable to pinpoint the beginning of a story, a story I’m sure began thousands of years ago, yet all the details point to Iraq, so I’ll begin there.
That first Tuesday morning in Baghdad was brutally hot and dry. Such a dust storm whirled through the air; the sun was shrouded by an orange haze. It was amidst a coughing fit that I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
There’s a blatant difference in the quality of the two works, although they both insinuate similar ideas, the second version of the story reads far better. It is strong, assertive, and it leaves the reader no wiggle room to envision something else.
Thanks for reading. Comment if you agree or disagree. Share if you want.
Last time we touched a little bit on the words would and could, and how they make writing sound weak.
This time, I want to touch on something a little bit different, yet it is still correlated to weak writing. I want to talk about the overall structure of sentences and paragraphs.
Once again, I’ve delved into the works of a “Best Selling Author”. I put it in quotations because this is an excerpt of the first few lines of Gary Lindberg’s The Shekinah Legacy. This is another author who simply says he’s a best seller, and he even goes so far as to photoshop a best selling award label onto the cover of his books, but if you check his books’ rankings, he’s far from best seller status.
That said, if he chose to misrepresent his books, he may have achieved Amazon Best Seller; it isn’t difficult to do. All you need is to choose an obscure set of labels for your book, like Free Masonry and Christian Murder. Then, you sell three copies, and your book is a “best seller”, for two or three hours, but long enough to snap a screen shot of your rank, and then you can show everyone how amazing you are, calling yourself a “Best Selling Author”.
Readers, however, see right through it. Readers take a look at the first pages of a book, and they know right away if the author has the makings of a best seller.
Best selling authors have great editors to translate the author’s dry account into a wonderful experience. This book either lacked an editor, or Lindberg used an incompetent editor.
As always, I have provided the original, published work—just a couple of lines, which any lookie-loo can scrutinize by taking advantage of Amazon’s look inside feature—followed by my inspection and rewrite, and the reason behind it.
Let’s take a look.
Some day you will read this, my dear, and see more clearly how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive me for not having had the wisdom or foresight to prevent the tragedies that befell our little family, though the great sweep of history was against us, as you know.
Alright, that’s not a terrible opener. It’s only two sentences, and paragraphs are normally a minimum of three sentences, but this is somewhat appealing; we know that someone has left someone else a note. We know there was some tragedy, but what is this business of a great sweep? The metaphor has eluded me. Furthermore, it is my belief that this should have been in italics; style matters as structure is more than the just the order of words, it is also the punctuation we see, as that punctuation changes the voice and tone in a reader’s head.
You may remember that I have always been a compulsive note taker; perhaps that’s why I was drawn to broadcast journalism where my notepad and digital voice recorder were my most faithful companions. My notes are serving me well now.
Okay, the monologue was originally referring to their little family, right? Tragedies befell them and all that; but now we see something strange. It reads You may remember that…. which begs the question; how can such a tight family forget? Obviously, they won’t, which makes that first sentence a little awkward, plus it goes on to say that perhaps, that was why he was drawn to journalism. People usually know why they enter a career field, especially one so complex and demanding as broadcast journalism, which requires years of schooling and internships. Moreover, I don’t really know what note taking has to do with broadcast journalism; they aren’t really note takers; they’re investigators, who might take notes.
I have never had trouble finding the start of a story except for this one. The real story, I’m sure, began thousands of years ago, but it seems now that the best lead-in to our story was in Iraq, so I will begin there. Every good news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and this one certainly got my attention.
Wait a minute! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! We just read a moment ago that his notes were serving him well. What happened? Also, the word our, which is underlined, why? On top of that, we’re getting so many mixed messages that none of this makes any sense.
His notes are serving him well, but he can’t find the beginning of the story, yet he’s sure it began thousands of years ago. It’s all over the place and confusing. Let’s push forwards.
I remember that it was impossibly hot and dry on that Tuesday morning in Baghdad. The wind had stirred up a dust storm so thick that you could stare directly at the sun without hurting your eyes. Everything around us was eerily tinted orange. It was like being stuck in a block of amber looking out. I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
Hold the phone, Sally. Just a moment ago, we were told that every news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and that this one certainly got his attention. What’s the teaser? What’s happening? Has the internal monologue—the note—ended? Are we in the story now, or is this still the note that the person is supposedly reading? If it is, why is the weather important? What is it like to be stuck inside a block of amber? Doesn’t that cause death? Looking through a block of amber, perhaps, but this is just bad writing, bad story telling.
This is not best selling material…but it can be turned into best selling material by a real editor. I’m not questioning the appeal, ingenuity, or entertainment value of the story hidden between the poor structure; I’m questioning the value of the poor structure, but I think I can patch it up.
My rewrite:
My Dear, I hope that you read this one day and understand how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive my lack of wisdom, my lack of foresight, the very causes of the tragedy that befell our family. The great sweep of history, however, is against us.
(My notes: I still don’t know what a great sweep is, but I’ll leave it as it may be the author’s personal touch. You’ll noticed I italicized it all, which I’ll bet makes it sound like it’s echoing in your head now, right? It is also three sentences long.)
You know I’ve always been a compulsive note taker—it’s why I was drawn into broadcast journalism—my notepad and digital voice recorder, my eternal companions. My notes are certainly serving me well, or they were…now I find myself unable to pinpoint the beginning of a story, a story I’m sure began thousands of years ago, yet all the details point to Iraq, so I’ll begin there.
Look at that change. We know they know he was a compulsive note taker. He isn’t wondering what pulled him to journalism, his devices aren’t faithful, as that doesn’t make sense, but eternal companions, and we see that his notes were serving well, but now, there is trouble. Suspense has been built. We can practically hear the deliberation in his voice. We have been pulled in.
I cut the line about the teaser. That sentence bugged me to no end because the teaser is never provided, and I’m not going to come up with one. A real editor tells his writer to provide at least one or two lines if he’s going to mention the teaser at all. Also, I added a scene break between the previous set of lines and these following lines as I believe the note he left behind has ended, and now we are in the story.
That first Tuesday morning in Baghdad was brutally hot and dry. Such a dust storm whirled through the air; the sun was shrouded by an orange haze. It was amidst a coughing fit that I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
We still have the orange haze, we know it’s hot, we know it’s dry, and it’s so hot, dry, and dusty, that he has a coughing fit. Now, this is real. Now, this is a story, and no longer a dry account of things. This is the difference between showing and telling.
Below, read the original. Then, let’s read the rewrite and see how it feels.
Some day you will read this, my dear, and see more clearly how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive me for not having had the wisdom or foresight to prevent the tragedies that befell our little family, though the great sweep of history was against us, as you know.
You may remember that I have always been a compulsive note taker; perhaps that’s why I was drawn to broadcast journalism where my notepad and digital voice recorder were my most faithful companions. My notes are serving me well now.
I have never had trouble finding the start of a story except for this one. The real story, I’m sure, began thousands of years ago, but it seems now that the best lead-in to our story was in Iraq, so I will begin there. Every good news story starts with a teaser to grab the audience, and this one certainly got my attention.
I remember that it was impossibly hot and dry on that Tuesday morning in Baghdad. The wind had stirred up a dust storm so thick that you could stare directly at the sun without hurting your eyes. Everything around us was eerily tinted orange. It was like being stuck in a block of amber looking out. I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
Versus
My Dear, I hope that you read this one day and understand how things came to be. I pray to God that you will forgive my lack of wisdom, my lack of foresight, the very causes of the tragedy that befell our family. The great sweep of history, however, is against us.
You know I’ve always been a compulsive note taker—it’s why I was drawn into broadcast journalism—my notepad and digital voice recorder, my eternal companions. My notes are certainly serving me well, or they were…now I find myself unable to pinpoint the beginning of a story, a story I’m sure began thousands of years ago, yet all the details point to Iraq, so I’ll begin there.
That first Tuesday morning in Baghdad was brutally hot and dry. Such a dust storm whirled through the air; the sun was shrouded by an orange haze. It was amidst a coughing fit that I turned to my cameraman, Curt.
There’s a blatant difference in the quality of the two works, although they both insinuate similar ideas, the second version of the story reads far better. It is strong, assertive, and it leaves the reader no wiggle room to envision something else.
Thanks for reading. Comment if you agree or disagree. Share if you want.
What is an info dump
What is an info dump anyway?
A story certainly contains a great deal of information. A writer must tell readers all about the world, the people, the technology, the magic, the murder, the mystery, the history, after all. More often than not, there is a need to set the stage, so to speak, and normally, writers provide a prologue with all accounts deemed pertinent to the story’s setting, pace, and advancement, so how can such a thing possibly be a problem?
Prologue or no, many books today start off in the exact same way- dumping a ton of information, hence info dump.
Let’s look at an example of a story starting with the dumping of information. This is an original example, as they all are here on out, I wrote specifically for this post:
Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain was a career Navy man. He was tall, at six feet and nine inches, towering over his crew, and he was also a very big and strong man, as strong as a bull with seventeen inch arms, but what do you expect of a special forces leader who weighs in at nearly three hundred pounds? Apart from numerous commendations, he had a breast full of ribbons opposite his bright and shiny name tag, which read only: Swain.
Everyone looked up to Swain, and not just because he was tall; Swain had earned the respect of his superiors as well. In the previous war against the Cojul, a race of aliens with scales, long, sharp teeth, three mouths, and two anuses—one on each side of their heads—they were extremely aggressive and had staked a claim to quadrant delta for the last fifty years, but Swain and his crew fought against them for nearly six months straight, and after he watched his crew get slaughtered, he single-handedly commandeered an enemy vessel and took back the quadrant.
Vapid info dump; any reader of any genre has already given up on this tale.
Another info dump right at the beginning of a tale can look like this:
Ilteriel was a magical land created by the Gods for all races to live harmoniously. There were elves, who had long, pointed ears, beautifully faint features, and silky hair. There were gnomes, who were short people with bushy beards and sharp minds. There were also orcs, big, scary, greenish people, who although lacked the brains of the other races, they were very hardy; they could work for days and days without rest, and they never got ill, and then there were humans, too, who were a bit average, but they had the strongest hearts of all the races created by the Gods.
For seven thousand years, all of the races lived amongst each other happily. They shared land, and food, and culture, and customs, but then a demon came. The demon was a brutish creature, and his name was Malath, and in his world, he was a general of darkness. Malath came and found a sad human named Gunther, and he promised to make Gunther rich, and powerful, and happy. Gunther accepted, and for the next three thousand years a war raged over the land of Ilteriel.
Drivel, yet I defy you; go look at just about any novel released within the past three years—mainstream or indie—and you’ll find most of them start off in a similar fashion, but the beginning of a story isn’t the only place you’ll find an info dump.
Quite as often, there will be an info dump right before a scene, during the scene, or just after.
The dump before the scene usually dives into a great, descriptive block of text, something like you find in a textbook, except it’s about the setting of the upcoming event, a historical piece of information preceding the event, or even the feelings of everyone present before the event.
Let’s look:
John had practiced law for nearly ten years. He had been fortunate enough to represent people who were actually innocent, but this time, his new client, Juan Ruiz, was certainly guilty. Mr. Ruiz was known to traffic drugs in from Caracas, Venezuela to the United States through Mexico. He had been arrested in Nogales, Arizona along with half his cadre.
While Mr. Ruiz ran chunky fingers through his thick, black, curly hair, he eyed John with a steely gaze. John felt uncomfortable, and he tugged at the collar of his white, collared blouse. Huge drops of perspiration dribbled down the side of his head as he tried to convince himself that everyone deserved a chance, especially since so much money was on the line. Besides, John’s wife, Celia, was pregnant with twins, and he needed to think about his family, but what about the families endangered by Ruiz’s activities, who was sticking up for them?
Terrible. That is one messy, convoluted, info dump. Readers want the meat, and they want action and dialogue, and dialogue is a great way to dump info without making it an info dump, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
Another kind of info dump happens after an event. The writer makes an attempt at making sure that the reader understands every, single, little, tiny detail regarding whatever transpired.
Let’s look at the following:
Since Jessica had broken up with Tom, she called her mother. The wise woman explained that breaking off an engagement was better than a prospective divorce. Divorces had major ramifications, especially if children were involved.
Jessica knew her mother was right. That was why she had tested Tom by sending her friend to hit on him. She knew he was going to fail, but she had hoped blindly that somewhere, deep, down inside, he did love her. When Tom came home from work late, Jessica knew it was because he had been out with Sherrie, there was no lying about it, after all, she was the one who put Sherrie up to it.
Yes! We get it! Presumably, we just read the event. It doesn’t need to be recapped seven ways from Sunday.
So, now we know what an info dump is, and we have some insight as to why they’re bad; they either prevent a story from getting started, they provide information such as that of a textbook, which no reader wants to commit to memory as though studying for a quiz, or they provide a ridiculous recap of an event we all just experienced, when what we really want is the next portion of the story.
This begs the question, how do we fix them?
When it comes to the introductory, info dumping—if we’re dealing with novels and not short stories—I suggest using a prologue, but the prologue must be a mood setter; it must be a very brief account and should rightfully be a mini story in and of itself, and I’ll discuss prologues in further detail in my next post, but the prologue must not be a dry account of facts to be memorized. The facts, if germane, must be introduced throughout the story and only when they are absolutely required.
If we’re dealing with short stories or novellas, I don’t suggest using a prologue, but a simple paragraph or two—something clever or dark—can certainly set the scene and give just the scant, few, necessary details before jumping into the story.
If there’s no prologue whatsoever, and the novel just starts, that’s great, too, but it needs to start without a massive info dump.
But how?!
Let’s reexamine that first chunk of filth I wrote.
Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain was a career Navy man. He was tall, at six feet and nine inches, towering over his crew, and he was also a very big and strong man, as strong as a bull with seventeen inch arms, but what do you expect of a special forces leader who weighs in at nearly three hundred pounds? Apart from numerous commendations, he had a breast full of ribbons opposite his bright and shiny name tag, which read only: Swain.
Everyone looked up to Swain, and not just because he was tall; Swain had earned the respect of his superiors as well. In the previous war against the Cojul, a race of aliens with scales, long, sharp teeth, three mouths, and two anuses—one on each side of their heads—they were extremely aggressive and had staked a claim to quadrant delta for the last fifty years, but Swain and his crew fought against them for nearly six months straight, and after he watched his crew get slaughtered, he single-handedly commandeered an enemy vessel and took back the quadrant.
Okay, how about a little setting instead, huh?
Boots clanked over steel grating as Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain—a bear of a man—marched for crew quarters. The men and women aboard the USS Albatross nodded as he swished on by. He was so tall and broad they practically had to hug the corridors. Finally, the special forces leader reached the door. A sign next to it read: Captain Decker. Before knocking, the L.T. adjusted the ribbons proudly displayed over his pristine Navy uniform.
After knocking, Swain relaxed at parade rest. “Enter,” a gruff voice bled through the steel door. When the L.T. pushed his way inside, he gave the captain a salute. Decker returned it, saying, “It was a hell of a thing you did, commandeering that damned Cojul ship. Now, I know you’re still upset over the loss of those brave men and women, but, dammit, son, you single-handedly took back quadrant delta!”
“Thank you, Sir,” Swain grunted. “If I may, Sir?”
“Of course, of course,” the grizzled captain said before easing into his leather desk chair.
“I still see ‘em, the Cojul; teeth like sharks, their blue scales covered in Jones’s blood. The anuses, man, they got anuses on the sides of their heads. What kind of God allows such a thing?”
“It takes time, Swain….”
Now, which story do you want to read? Do you see the difference? Even without a prologue, the stage is set, and the actors are playing. Every detail can be provided in an entertaining manner, and that’s what stories are supposed to be; a medium for entertainment. Whatever accounts there are to be listed should be ensconced within the story, and not the other way around. The readers shouldn’t even realize they’re memorizing facts about the story; they shouldn’t even be aware that there are words on pages.
Next, let’s check out that fantasy world:
Ilteriel was a magical land created by the Gods for all races to live harmoniously. There were elves, who had long, pointed ears, beautifully faint features, and silky hair. There were gnomes, who were short people with bushy beards and sharp minds. There were also orcs, big, scary, greenish people, who although lacked the brains of the other races, they were very hardy; they could work for days and days without rest, and they never got ill, and then there were humans, too, who were a bit average, but they had the strongest hearts of all the races created by the Gods.
For seven thousand years, all of the races lived amongst each other happily. They shared land, and food, and culture, and customs, but then a demon came. The demon was a brutish creature, and his name was Malath, and in his world, he was a general of darkness. Malath came and found a sad human named Gunther, and he promised to make Gunther rich, and powerful, and happy. Gunther accepted, and for the next three thousand years a war raged over the land of Ilteriel.
It’s so trite. There’s some back story, sure, but no story, am I right?
The Gods created Ilteriel, a world for many races, and among the races deigned to grace Ilteriel in harmony and accord were the elves, the gnomes, the orcs, and the humans. It was said that each race, though equal, had both blessings and shortcomings; the elves were certainly beautiful and magically gifted, yet they were conceited. The short people, the gnomes with their bushy beards, were an ingenious race, always tinkering with their machines, yet they were obsessed. Orcs, the hardiest of the races, toiled without rest, not that they possessed the brains to notice such a thing. Then, there were the humans, an average people, but their hearts; their hearts were pure…until one day….
It was said that seven thousands years passed on Ilteriel without incident, but a dark day came when the demon general, Malath wormed his way into the world of the Gods. He skulked, and he crept, and he hid until he found fruit ripe for the picking. There was a sad human shedding tears beneath the shade of a tree. Malath approached, a crooked smile upon his black visage, and he asked of the human his tribulations.
The man called Gunther recounted his sorrows; his wife had been accidentally killed by a machine devised by the gnomes, and so Malath showed the human how he was wronged, and how to right such a wrong; he taught the human cunning, and he instructed Gunther on how to trick the orcs in to killing the gnomes. Thusly, Malath began his dark rule through Gunther; it was a reign of terror that lasted for three thousand years.
That is a story, yet it lays the groundwork for whatever is going to happen in the actual book. There’s no dumping of information, but everything has been provided, and in an entertaining fashion, no?
Before grumbling, I am aware that I left out that the elves had pointy ears, but since the reader has yet to meet an elf, such a thing needs not be revealed, but let’s move on.
Next, let’s take a look at the set up preceding an event, and reexamine the bit about the lawyer:
John had practiced law for nearly ten years. He had been fortunate enough to represent people who were actually innocent, but this time, his new client, Juan Ruiz, was certainly guilty. Mr. Ruiz was known to traffic drugs in from Caracas, Venezuela to the United States through Mexico. He had been arrested in Nogales, Arizona along with half his cadre.
While Mr. Ruiz ran chunky fingers through his thick, black, curly hair, he eyed John with a steely gaze. John felt uncomfortable, and he tugged at the collar of his white, collared blouse. Huge drops of perspiration dribbled down the side of his head as he tried to convince himself that everyone deserved a chance, especially since so much money was on the line. Besides, John’s wife, Celia, was pregnant with twins, and he needed to think about his family, but what about the families endangered by Ruiz’s activities, who was sticking up for them?
A writer or editor must first know what event they’re setting up. In this case, I just want to organize the meeting between John and Ruiz.
Ten years was a long time to practice law. John counted his blessings that, to date, his clients were actually innocent men and women, but that day, he sat across the shiny, mahogany table from Juan Ruiz, Caracas drug runner. With an exhale, John tugged the collar of his white blouse.
“Ahem, so…Mr. Ruiz, the report says Nogales P.D. picked you and your associates up at two thirty on the morning of December ninth. Is that correct?”
The swarthy, Latino wasn’t even paying attention. He sat there in his black suit, staring out the window, but then he licked his greasy lips, let out a chortle of derision, and turned his steely, dark eyes onto the lawyer. A shiver ran down John’s spine; before him there sat a man who had killed on more than one occasion.
“Yeah, das’ right, so?” Ruiz barked.
“Um,” John faltered. He thought about the money Ruiz offered. He thought about it long and hard, and the fact that he had already accepted; he and his wife were expecting twins. What about other families…what about their kids? Am I really doing the right thing, here? It’s like the lines are blurred. “We just need to get our facts straight, Mr. Ruiz….”
Much smoother than the info dumpy version, right? We add a little flair, we throw in a couple of lines of dialogue, a few inner thoughts, and bingo; all the same information is present, at least the salient points, the rest is story, which is what readers like.
Finally, let’s view the last example. We had a recap of previous events:
Since Jessica had broken up with Tom, she called her mother. The wise woman explained that breaking off an engagement was better than a prospective divorce. Divorces had major ramifications, especially if children were involved.
Jessica knew her mother was right. That was why she had tested Tom by sending her friend to hit on him. She knew he was going to fail, but she had hoped blindly that somewhere, deep, down inside, he did love her. When Tom came home from work late, Jessica knew it was because he had been out with Sherrie, there was no lying about it, after all, she was the one who put Sherrie up to it.
Well, here’s the deal, readers feel like writers assume that their fans are dumb when they see this kind of stuff. Readers have been reading the story, so it isn’t likely they need a verbose recapitulation of events. There are certainly times in thrillers and mysteries or later portions of a series when a recap is paramount, but one must be careful in the execution of the recap. Regardless, we’re dealing with the subject of info dumping more so than recapping, which I’ll discuss in a future post.
Let’s assume that this segment, this recap dump, takes place in the sequel, the second book of a story, wherein the would-be bride, Jessica, breaks off the engagement at the end of the first book. Recapping such a thing is a wonderful idea, but it certainly can be better executed.
Two months wasn’t a long time to be alone, not since Jessica broke off her engagement with Tom, a man to whom she was promised for over six months, and they had dated for a year prior. With a shaky hand, she pushed the contact labeled Mom.
“Jessie, honey, feeling any better?” the old gal sounded lively on the other end.
“Hey, Mom,” Jessica sighed, choking back newly forming tears. “Um, I just, I just think I need some advice.”
“Well…you remember what I told you; it’s better to break off an engagement than marry someone you don’t love.”
“I do love Tom,” Jessica interrupted. “I don’t trust him; that’s the issue.”
“Yeah,” her mom sighed. “It’s a shame he lied about parading around with Sherrie.”
Nodding and listening to the old woman’s wisdom, Jessica thought back to her plan. Neither she nor Sherrie thought Tom trustworthy, so they devised a way to find out once and for all; they agreed Sherrie was going to seduce him, and no sooner had they devised their ploy that he fell for it.
There was no denying it, when he came home late from work, Jessica already knew he had gone out with her friend.
It’s all about the story, the story, the art of providing an experience; writers and editors alike need to find ways to provide their story without dumping dry, sequential, accounts of events, and I can only hope I’m helping.
Why am I trying so hard to help, to advise? Because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy reading, and I love fans of literature, and I want them to buy books, which bestow a living essence unto their momentary escape from reality. I edit and try to advise on editing for the sake of readers, but in my next post, I’m going to discuss the prologue, and I will be showcasing some of my prologues, so you’ll all have an opportunity to judge and criticize me as a writer more so than an editor, but I will be discussing why and how I edited the prologues, so I look forwards to that discussion.
For now, thank you for reading, and as always, please comment; tell me if you agree or disagree. I’m all for the sharing of ideas and their subsequent discussion.
A story certainly contains a great deal of information. A writer must tell readers all about the world, the people, the technology, the magic, the murder, the mystery, the history, after all. More often than not, there is a need to set the stage, so to speak, and normally, writers provide a prologue with all accounts deemed pertinent to the story’s setting, pace, and advancement, so how can such a thing possibly be a problem?
Prologue or no, many books today start off in the exact same way- dumping a ton of information, hence info dump.
Let’s look at an example of a story starting with the dumping of information. This is an original example, as they all are here on out, I wrote specifically for this post:
Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain was a career Navy man. He was tall, at six feet and nine inches, towering over his crew, and he was also a very big and strong man, as strong as a bull with seventeen inch arms, but what do you expect of a special forces leader who weighs in at nearly three hundred pounds? Apart from numerous commendations, he had a breast full of ribbons opposite his bright and shiny name tag, which read only: Swain.
Everyone looked up to Swain, and not just because he was tall; Swain had earned the respect of his superiors as well. In the previous war against the Cojul, a race of aliens with scales, long, sharp teeth, three mouths, and two anuses—one on each side of their heads—they were extremely aggressive and had staked a claim to quadrant delta for the last fifty years, but Swain and his crew fought against them for nearly six months straight, and after he watched his crew get slaughtered, he single-handedly commandeered an enemy vessel and took back the quadrant.
Vapid info dump; any reader of any genre has already given up on this tale.
Another info dump right at the beginning of a tale can look like this:
Ilteriel was a magical land created by the Gods for all races to live harmoniously. There were elves, who had long, pointed ears, beautifully faint features, and silky hair. There were gnomes, who were short people with bushy beards and sharp minds. There were also orcs, big, scary, greenish people, who although lacked the brains of the other races, they were very hardy; they could work for days and days without rest, and they never got ill, and then there were humans, too, who were a bit average, but they had the strongest hearts of all the races created by the Gods.
For seven thousand years, all of the races lived amongst each other happily. They shared land, and food, and culture, and customs, but then a demon came. The demon was a brutish creature, and his name was Malath, and in his world, he was a general of darkness. Malath came and found a sad human named Gunther, and he promised to make Gunther rich, and powerful, and happy. Gunther accepted, and for the next three thousand years a war raged over the land of Ilteriel.
Drivel, yet I defy you; go look at just about any novel released within the past three years—mainstream or indie—and you’ll find most of them start off in a similar fashion, but the beginning of a story isn’t the only place you’ll find an info dump.
Quite as often, there will be an info dump right before a scene, during the scene, or just after.
The dump before the scene usually dives into a great, descriptive block of text, something like you find in a textbook, except it’s about the setting of the upcoming event, a historical piece of information preceding the event, or even the feelings of everyone present before the event.
Let’s look:
John had practiced law for nearly ten years. He had been fortunate enough to represent people who were actually innocent, but this time, his new client, Juan Ruiz, was certainly guilty. Mr. Ruiz was known to traffic drugs in from Caracas, Venezuela to the United States through Mexico. He had been arrested in Nogales, Arizona along with half his cadre.
While Mr. Ruiz ran chunky fingers through his thick, black, curly hair, he eyed John with a steely gaze. John felt uncomfortable, and he tugged at the collar of his white, collared blouse. Huge drops of perspiration dribbled down the side of his head as he tried to convince himself that everyone deserved a chance, especially since so much money was on the line. Besides, John’s wife, Celia, was pregnant with twins, and he needed to think about his family, but what about the families endangered by Ruiz’s activities, who was sticking up for them?
Terrible. That is one messy, convoluted, info dump. Readers want the meat, and they want action and dialogue, and dialogue is a great way to dump info without making it an info dump, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
Another kind of info dump happens after an event. The writer makes an attempt at making sure that the reader understands every, single, little, tiny detail regarding whatever transpired.
Let’s look at the following:
Since Jessica had broken up with Tom, she called her mother. The wise woman explained that breaking off an engagement was better than a prospective divorce. Divorces had major ramifications, especially if children were involved.
Jessica knew her mother was right. That was why she had tested Tom by sending her friend to hit on him. She knew he was going to fail, but she had hoped blindly that somewhere, deep, down inside, he did love her. When Tom came home from work late, Jessica knew it was because he had been out with Sherrie, there was no lying about it, after all, she was the one who put Sherrie up to it.
Yes! We get it! Presumably, we just read the event. It doesn’t need to be recapped seven ways from Sunday.
So, now we know what an info dump is, and we have some insight as to why they’re bad; they either prevent a story from getting started, they provide information such as that of a textbook, which no reader wants to commit to memory as though studying for a quiz, or they provide a ridiculous recap of an event we all just experienced, when what we really want is the next portion of the story.
This begs the question, how do we fix them?
When it comes to the introductory, info dumping—if we’re dealing with novels and not short stories—I suggest using a prologue, but the prologue must be a mood setter; it must be a very brief account and should rightfully be a mini story in and of itself, and I’ll discuss prologues in further detail in my next post, but the prologue must not be a dry account of facts to be memorized. The facts, if germane, must be introduced throughout the story and only when they are absolutely required.
If we’re dealing with short stories or novellas, I don’t suggest using a prologue, but a simple paragraph or two—something clever or dark—can certainly set the scene and give just the scant, few, necessary details before jumping into the story.
If there’s no prologue whatsoever, and the novel just starts, that’s great, too, but it needs to start without a massive info dump.
But how?!
Let’s reexamine that first chunk of filth I wrote.
Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain was a career Navy man. He was tall, at six feet and nine inches, towering over his crew, and he was also a very big and strong man, as strong as a bull with seventeen inch arms, but what do you expect of a special forces leader who weighs in at nearly three hundred pounds? Apart from numerous commendations, he had a breast full of ribbons opposite his bright and shiny name tag, which read only: Swain.
Everyone looked up to Swain, and not just because he was tall; Swain had earned the respect of his superiors as well. In the previous war against the Cojul, a race of aliens with scales, long, sharp teeth, three mouths, and two anuses—one on each side of their heads—they were extremely aggressive and had staked a claim to quadrant delta for the last fifty years, but Swain and his crew fought against them for nearly six months straight, and after he watched his crew get slaughtered, he single-handedly commandeered an enemy vessel and took back the quadrant.
Okay, how about a little setting instead, huh?
Boots clanked over steel grating as Lieutenant Commander Albert Swain—a bear of a man—marched for crew quarters. The men and women aboard the USS Albatross nodded as he swished on by. He was so tall and broad they practically had to hug the corridors. Finally, the special forces leader reached the door. A sign next to it read: Captain Decker. Before knocking, the L.T. adjusted the ribbons proudly displayed over his pristine Navy uniform.
After knocking, Swain relaxed at parade rest. “Enter,” a gruff voice bled through the steel door. When the L.T. pushed his way inside, he gave the captain a salute. Decker returned it, saying, “It was a hell of a thing you did, commandeering that damned Cojul ship. Now, I know you’re still upset over the loss of those brave men and women, but, dammit, son, you single-handedly took back quadrant delta!”
“Thank you, Sir,” Swain grunted. “If I may, Sir?”
“Of course, of course,” the grizzled captain said before easing into his leather desk chair.
“I still see ‘em, the Cojul; teeth like sharks, their blue scales covered in Jones’s blood. The anuses, man, they got anuses on the sides of their heads. What kind of God allows such a thing?”
“It takes time, Swain….”
Now, which story do you want to read? Do you see the difference? Even without a prologue, the stage is set, and the actors are playing. Every detail can be provided in an entertaining manner, and that’s what stories are supposed to be; a medium for entertainment. Whatever accounts there are to be listed should be ensconced within the story, and not the other way around. The readers shouldn’t even realize they’re memorizing facts about the story; they shouldn’t even be aware that there are words on pages.
Next, let’s check out that fantasy world:
Ilteriel was a magical land created by the Gods for all races to live harmoniously. There were elves, who had long, pointed ears, beautifully faint features, and silky hair. There were gnomes, who were short people with bushy beards and sharp minds. There were also orcs, big, scary, greenish people, who although lacked the brains of the other races, they were very hardy; they could work for days and days without rest, and they never got ill, and then there were humans, too, who were a bit average, but they had the strongest hearts of all the races created by the Gods.
For seven thousand years, all of the races lived amongst each other happily. They shared land, and food, and culture, and customs, but then a demon came. The demon was a brutish creature, and his name was Malath, and in his world, he was a general of darkness. Malath came and found a sad human named Gunther, and he promised to make Gunther rich, and powerful, and happy. Gunther accepted, and for the next three thousand years a war raged over the land of Ilteriel.
It’s so trite. There’s some back story, sure, but no story, am I right?
The Gods created Ilteriel, a world for many races, and among the races deigned to grace Ilteriel in harmony and accord were the elves, the gnomes, the orcs, and the humans. It was said that each race, though equal, had both blessings and shortcomings; the elves were certainly beautiful and magically gifted, yet they were conceited. The short people, the gnomes with their bushy beards, were an ingenious race, always tinkering with their machines, yet they were obsessed. Orcs, the hardiest of the races, toiled without rest, not that they possessed the brains to notice such a thing. Then, there were the humans, an average people, but their hearts; their hearts were pure…until one day….
It was said that seven thousands years passed on Ilteriel without incident, but a dark day came when the demon general, Malath wormed his way into the world of the Gods. He skulked, and he crept, and he hid until he found fruit ripe for the picking. There was a sad human shedding tears beneath the shade of a tree. Malath approached, a crooked smile upon his black visage, and he asked of the human his tribulations.
The man called Gunther recounted his sorrows; his wife had been accidentally killed by a machine devised by the gnomes, and so Malath showed the human how he was wronged, and how to right such a wrong; he taught the human cunning, and he instructed Gunther on how to trick the orcs in to killing the gnomes. Thusly, Malath began his dark rule through Gunther; it was a reign of terror that lasted for three thousand years.
That is a story, yet it lays the groundwork for whatever is going to happen in the actual book. There’s no dumping of information, but everything has been provided, and in an entertaining fashion, no?
Before grumbling, I am aware that I left out that the elves had pointy ears, but since the reader has yet to meet an elf, such a thing needs not be revealed, but let’s move on.
Next, let’s take a look at the set up preceding an event, and reexamine the bit about the lawyer:
John had practiced law for nearly ten years. He had been fortunate enough to represent people who were actually innocent, but this time, his new client, Juan Ruiz, was certainly guilty. Mr. Ruiz was known to traffic drugs in from Caracas, Venezuela to the United States through Mexico. He had been arrested in Nogales, Arizona along with half his cadre.
While Mr. Ruiz ran chunky fingers through his thick, black, curly hair, he eyed John with a steely gaze. John felt uncomfortable, and he tugged at the collar of his white, collared blouse. Huge drops of perspiration dribbled down the side of his head as he tried to convince himself that everyone deserved a chance, especially since so much money was on the line. Besides, John’s wife, Celia, was pregnant with twins, and he needed to think about his family, but what about the families endangered by Ruiz’s activities, who was sticking up for them?
A writer or editor must first know what event they’re setting up. In this case, I just want to organize the meeting between John and Ruiz.
Ten years was a long time to practice law. John counted his blessings that, to date, his clients were actually innocent men and women, but that day, he sat across the shiny, mahogany table from Juan Ruiz, Caracas drug runner. With an exhale, John tugged the collar of his white blouse.
“Ahem, so…Mr. Ruiz, the report says Nogales P.D. picked you and your associates up at two thirty on the morning of December ninth. Is that correct?”
The swarthy, Latino wasn’t even paying attention. He sat there in his black suit, staring out the window, but then he licked his greasy lips, let out a chortle of derision, and turned his steely, dark eyes onto the lawyer. A shiver ran down John’s spine; before him there sat a man who had killed on more than one occasion.
“Yeah, das’ right, so?” Ruiz barked.
“Um,” John faltered. He thought about the money Ruiz offered. He thought about it long and hard, and the fact that he had already accepted; he and his wife were expecting twins. What about other families…what about their kids? Am I really doing the right thing, here? It’s like the lines are blurred. “We just need to get our facts straight, Mr. Ruiz….”
Much smoother than the info dumpy version, right? We add a little flair, we throw in a couple of lines of dialogue, a few inner thoughts, and bingo; all the same information is present, at least the salient points, the rest is story, which is what readers like.
Finally, let’s view the last example. We had a recap of previous events:
Since Jessica had broken up with Tom, she called her mother. The wise woman explained that breaking off an engagement was better than a prospective divorce. Divorces had major ramifications, especially if children were involved.
Jessica knew her mother was right. That was why she had tested Tom by sending her friend to hit on him. She knew he was going to fail, but she had hoped blindly that somewhere, deep, down inside, he did love her. When Tom came home from work late, Jessica knew it was because he had been out with Sherrie, there was no lying about it, after all, she was the one who put Sherrie up to it.
Well, here’s the deal, readers feel like writers assume that their fans are dumb when they see this kind of stuff. Readers have been reading the story, so it isn’t likely they need a verbose recapitulation of events. There are certainly times in thrillers and mysteries or later portions of a series when a recap is paramount, but one must be careful in the execution of the recap. Regardless, we’re dealing with the subject of info dumping more so than recapping, which I’ll discuss in a future post.
Let’s assume that this segment, this recap dump, takes place in the sequel, the second book of a story, wherein the would-be bride, Jessica, breaks off the engagement at the end of the first book. Recapping such a thing is a wonderful idea, but it certainly can be better executed.
Two months wasn’t a long time to be alone, not since Jessica broke off her engagement with Tom, a man to whom she was promised for over six months, and they had dated for a year prior. With a shaky hand, she pushed the contact labeled Mom.
“Jessie, honey, feeling any better?” the old gal sounded lively on the other end.
“Hey, Mom,” Jessica sighed, choking back newly forming tears. “Um, I just, I just think I need some advice.”
“Well…you remember what I told you; it’s better to break off an engagement than marry someone you don’t love.”
“I do love Tom,” Jessica interrupted. “I don’t trust him; that’s the issue.”
“Yeah,” her mom sighed. “It’s a shame he lied about parading around with Sherrie.”
Nodding and listening to the old woman’s wisdom, Jessica thought back to her plan. Neither she nor Sherrie thought Tom trustworthy, so they devised a way to find out once and for all; they agreed Sherrie was going to seduce him, and no sooner had they devised their ploy that he fell for it.
There was no denying it, when he came home late from work, Jessica already knew he had gone out with her friend.
It’s all about the story, the story, the art of providing an experience; writers and editors alike need to find ways to provide their story without dumping dry, sequential, accounts of events, and I can only hope I’m helping.
Why am I trying so hard to help, to advise? Because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy reading, and I love fans of literature, and I want them to buy books, which bestow a living essence unto their momentary escape from reality. I edit and try to advise on editing for the sake of readers, but in my next post, I’m going to discuss the prologue, and I will be showcasing some of my prologues, so you’ll all have an opportunity to judge and criticize me as a writer more so than an editor, but I will be discussing why and how I edited the prologues, so I look forwards to that discussion.
For now, thank you for reading, and as always, please comment; tell me if you agree or disagree. I’m all for the sharing of ideas and their subsequent discussion.
What is a prologue and why do I need one?
A prologue is an introductory segment of a body of work. Writers can implement a prologue if there’s some back story, which requires explaining before a reader jumps into the main story. Sometimes, in a series, the prologue gives a quick recap of the previous book, which helps readers dive into the second book without having read the first, or it just refreshes the memory for those who have read the first book.
Perhaps, one of the most popular and familiar prologues of all time is the one from Star Wars, a New Hope. Strange that a movie had a prologue; movie goers generally want to watch a scene unfold rather than read it, but it seemed as though the story needed some explaining before the viewer dove in, but was it necessary? Did it even accomplish its job?
No, it didn’t. In fact, the New Hope prologue is one of the worst prologues of all time. Not only does it provide zero information, and not only was that lack of information irrelevant, but the information that was provided had little to do with the plot, characters, and setting; the prologue didn’t even set the mood for the story.
Let me ask some questions.
Who is the empire?
What have they done that’s so bad it has inspired rebellion?
What are the empire’s goals?
Who are the rebels?
Against what are they rebelling?
What are their goals?
Has anyone tried peace talks?
Who are the aliens?
From where did the Jedi originate?
Now, before you go answering any of these questions, remember that when the movie first came out, none of the other movies existed, and so, certainly, some questions have been answered later on, throughout the series, but many of these questions could have been easily addressed in the prologue, since they decided to include one to begin with.
In other words, while a prologue is far from necessary, if a writer chooses to use one, they must implement one properly.
I recall my first prologue, and it was nothing more than an info dump. I spent five pages—and I mean five, computer pages, 8.5 by 11, not some 6 by 9 book pages—five pages of boring, monotonous, facts all leading up to the story. It hadn’t occurred to me to explain the facts in the story. I thought I needed to lay out all the complicated factors, which resulted in the story’s plot, but that’s not storytelling, that’s just reportage, and a writer, or an editor, has to know when to use each.
Once I learned how to write, and how to spin a yarn, I rewrote the story in question. I do not have the original prologue, but I have the updated version, and while it is still a dry account of facts, which lead into the story, the whole of the spiel was cut down from nearly 3,000 words—a short story in itself—to 458 words.
Check it out-
Man yearns to explore, learn, perceive, and break beyond the bonds of limitation. Great, philosophic minds pondered such implications, giving rise to questions with no answer. Who are we? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Are we alone in the universe? Can we reach for the stars?
That first segment sets the mood, an inquisitive mood, which showcases the philosophic dreams of mankind. The last two questions also help to reinforce the fact that the following story is of the sci fi genre, which is, of course, obvious by the title, cover, and blurb.
A decade into the Twenty First Century, a space exploration program known as NASA retired their shuttle, stating their space station, the ISS, was sufficient to advance man’s knowledge of space; no more flights to the moon were needed, probes were built to reach other planets, yet a question was raised; was NASA truly marooning their scientists in Earth’s orbit? Was there, really, no shuttle in reserve for emergency protocol?
The second segment provided just a bit of back story, but it also opened a conspiratorial line of questions, which also helps to set the mood, as the story is quite conspiratorial in nature, but that becomes more apparent in the novel itself.
What no one knew was that a new vessel had already been designed and produced. A drone shuttle carried equipment to the ISS, building materials, and there, the engineers constructed new probes. Launching them from beyond Earth’s gravitational pull allowed the tiny machines to explore without immense fuel requirements. New studies had commenced.
The third segment answers some questions, but it also redirects the readers’ line of thought. They are taken from the context of the known and plunged into the possibilities, which must be considered for the story to make sense. Furthermore, the possibilities are reasonable; building probes on the space station and sending them out from there does cut the fuel requirement, since they don’t have to fight gravity. A little science has been mixed into the fiction.
Survey satellites were then built and released to specified coordinates. Their role was to relay any information gathered by probes back to Earth. It took little time to obtain great findings. Less than a year into the program, the probes detected abundant deposits of precious minerals in asteroids both inside and outside the solar system. The next step required mining probes to retrieve the deposits. A new age began when humans no longer needlessly harvested their own planet’s resources.
Again, this segment answers potential questions, but it also creates some hope. Regardless of your political beliefs, is it not true that there is an abundance of resources available off world? How cool would it be to live in a world where precious metals are mined from asteroids and flown back to earth? Are you not already curious about this particular story?
A few decades down the road, survey probes revealed more than just resources; asteroids, moons, and planets were deemed acceptable for colonization with little cost or effort, however, there was always the obstacle of time. A journey from Earth to the closest sites meant decades of travel. Great minds set their combined efforts on the task, and a solution was proposed; send colonies to midway stations on small asteroids.
Here, the first idea tackled is that of colonizing with little cost or effort. In our world, today, as of 2016, such a thing is obviously quite costly, but the prologue states that it isn’t, and since the writer states that such is the case of this particular, sci fi adventure, the reader must accept the statement at face value. Furthermore, there is a reasonable solution presented to a problem most of us are aware exists; we cannot travel to even the nearest solar system, which is about four light years away. It takes almost a year to reach Mars! Another assumption is turned to fact by this segment, though. Since a couple of decades have passed, one cane assume the year is somewhere around 2040, and by then, we’ll certainly be able to reach the nearest planets in no time, so sending colonists to midway stations is the reasonable solution. This entire segment picks up from the last one; it obliterates the reader’s current knowledge of space travel and replaces it with the story’s version of space knowledge.
It was no surprise to NASA that very few volunteered. Many citizens of Earth were comfortable and happy in their lives. A move to a colonial life in space was practically permanent, and traveling for years only to live in the desolation of space was frightening. Then, the military stepped in, looking to soldiers for support. Project Safe Haven was announced.
Once more, the reasonable solution; no way anyone, especially someone living on earth during a time when resources are brought in from off world, wants to spend five, ten, twenty years traveling to an undeveloped colony, which might not even function, but if soldiers are ordered to do so, they’ll do it. This also sets up the story. For one, it implies that soldiers aren’t fighting against other countries. Secondly, it is a sound assumption that if the military started the colonies then each colony is a military base. Naturally, all the newer colonies will be military installations, so there’s a trend started by this segment; the military has control. This is a military, sci fi adventure.
In the year 2111, almost fifty years after the first successful colony, Admiral John Lay, the overseer of Safe Haven, commissioned Captain Riley O’Hara to lead a team of scientists and engineers aboard the Phoenix, a vessel orbiting a planet called Eon. The new ship and the new crew were set to break new ground; The Horizon Project was employed to begin colonization of the first planet outside the Sol system. O’Hara was beyond psyched.
Finally, readers have the last nugget of Intel. They know the year. They know the place. They know the reason. They know who the protagonist is, but there’s also something overlooked. If it’s been nearly fifty years since the first, successful colony, were there failed colonies…? As they say, the stage has been set, and now readers aren’t just prepared for the story, they are a part of the story.
I always believe it is imperative that a writer writes out every, single, little, tiny detail, even if that turns into an info dump. While the story is being written, while it is being discovered, piece by piece, by the writer, it becomes necessary to jot down all pieces of the puzzle, but, it is during the editing process, which is so far beyond proof reading, that an editor must remove all the extra pieces of the puzzle.
When placing together puzzle pieces, and you see the picture on the lid is a cat, the cat is all you really care about. You don’t care about the half of a ball of yarn in the top corner. You know it’s a corner piece by the shape of the puzzle piece. The same goes for stories, I think; the prologue is the shape, and the rest of the story is the cat, and each piece of the puzzle completes the story.
Let’s look at another prologue. This one is 223 words. It’s the prologue to one of my novellas. I don’t usually use a prologue for a body of work that’s under 70,000 words, but I really needed to set the stage for this story because it is very outlandish-
Fear, despair, rage, lust; these are base feelings, emotions, which run through the essence of man. It is odd to say that no one has sat back and questioned the value of these emotions, but it is even more odd to ask why no one has done so. Certainly, it can be agreed upon that people have questioned the purpose of life, but to what extent?
I’m sure you see a trend in my writing; I wax philosophically. First and foremost, this prologue states: if you don’t want to think, don’t read this book.
Is there more to life than money? More than sex? Whoever pursues a life without such great pleasures? Most men, normal men, crave the deep darkness of the Id, the passion, heat, and flame of the most immediate gratifications, yet in the end, everyone leads the same life, suffers the same pitfalls, repeats the same thoughts and conversations over and over again, and all while considering themselves unique.
This jabs the first point further. Hopefully, it does raise the question; if we’re all so unique, how come we can be so easily analyzed by psychological formulae? Why is it that all our friends have the same problems, the same complaints, and why is it that we do repeat to our minds the same dialogue over and over again? Perhaps it is this stagnant repetition, which has mired our lives…? Again, the stage is set, bearing the question, but what else is there?
Now, let me tell you that a Shadowman is never concerned with such trivialities. A Shadowman sneaks between the world of light and dark; as such, he cannot possibly fret over the mundane, for while he traipses through the world of men, his eyes are perennially on the prowl for something more abstract, something ephemeral, something incomprehensibly inhuman. Now, I’m going to tell you the story of my life, but not my life as a man in the world of men; the story of my life as a Shadowman.
I’ll bet you’re ready to find out what a Shadowman is. In just three paragraphs the eerie mood has been provided. The reader’s mind has been opened, and if not, the reader has left, and that’s okay; not all stories are for everyone.
The one you thing you’ll notice about this prologue versus the previous one is that no information has been provided in this one. The first prologue basically provided a history lesson before presenting the story. This prologue pulled you from the confines of the known in order to provide an inkling that there is an unknown out there waiting to be discovered.
Finally, I’ll present a prologue that recaps a previous title. It runs at 541 words, which makes it one of my longest prologues, but I’ll discuss it detail-
An amnesiac mercenary called Scar appeared in the middle of the territorial disputes of Tiamhaal. He brought a whirlwind of change, the kind of change no one expected. That man was in actuality the avatar of Eternus, the Dragon of Time, a being outside the realm of human comprehension. Eternus was the universe, it was the ineffable creator of all that was, but having taken a liking to a particular world, it sent a portion of itself to the world of men.
The protagonist is immediately introduced as is the world. The readers also know that this is a fantasy adventure revolving around men and dragons. Furthermore, the mind has been assaulted by the fact that the creator of existence is a dragon, and that the dragon sent himself as a man to the world in order to do something.
Crafted from the clay at the edge of the world and fashioned from the eight, guiding principles of man, Scar, the mercenary, was sent to slay the Dragons, and so he was named Sarkany, the Dragon Slayer, yet his fashioning was not without flaws, and he lost his memories. Finding himself traveling aimlessly, seeking only to learn of his origins, Scar was beset by Dracos, the followers of Drac, Dragon of Fire, and then he was manipulated by Zoltek, Negus of the Zmajans, followers of the Dragon of Destruction, and finally, the warrior was sent by King Gilgamesh of Satrone, a worshipper of Kulshedra, Dragon of Truth, to the ruined kingdom of Alduheim where a forgotten memory lay buried in darkness.
You might be able to tell that the story, or the prologue, at least, has been written in a manner that imitates Biblical tones, so not only has the stage been set, but the production has also been set; readers know they’re in for something that reads somewhat archaic. On top of that, a great deal of what transpired in the first book is explained, but rather than being provided as a bland reportage, it is a story in and of itself. There is also proof that the world is at war, and that the protagonist is in the mix to do something outlandish, yet there is an air of mystery- the forgotten memories.
It was there that he and his men found a paladin, a warrior named Ylithia, who fought in the name of Mekosh, a true God, the God of Severity, and even though paladins had always maintained that the Dragons were posing as Gods, most people of Tiamhaal had never taken them seriously, yet what was witnessed beneath the rubble of Alduheim united them in their efforts to reveal the truth to their kings and queens. The leaders of every tribe had established their own countries under the name of their Dragon Lord posing as God; constantly, they fought for territory, supremacy, religious beliefs, and even peace. Things changed when warriors of Kulshedra, Scultone, Fafnir, and Tiamat joined forces with Scar and Ylithia, but their plan to bring to light the lies of Dragons was short lived; Scar and Ylithia fell in love and left kings and pawns to squabble amongst themselves.
Now the underlying order of the novel, or the series, in this case, has been provided- Dragons have posed as Gods, but there are real Gods, and there are warriors who have chosen to listen to the real Gods rather than the Dragons. Also, readers know that in the previous novel, the protagonist fell in love, and that created some sort of problem.
The two abandoned Gods and Dragons for a life of peace, but the spurned King Gilgamesh had other plans, and he sent his men to kill Scar, yet he was away, and it was Ylithia, who was cut down without mercy, and for that act of betrayal, Scar took his sword, joined his old friend, Labolas, invaded the impregnable palace, Inneshkigal, and killed Gilgamesh before all the Kulshedrans of Tironis. Upon the king’s death, Scar was transported to Drangue, where he battled the mighty Kulshedra, a misty whorl of a Dragon, and the Dragon Slayer took the beast’s soul.
Several details are provided, yet still in an entertaining fashion. This story, which is just a prologue employed to rehash the previous title, or explain to people joining the show a little a late, reveals what happened when the protagonist abandoned his ordained duties, yet the discord was resolved, if by gruesome means. What readers don’t see is the abundance of information regarding the key players, because that belongs in the narrative, the actual story. They do, however, learn that the hero has rejoined the battlefront and killed a dragon and somehow stole its essence. Having mentioned such a thing entices a reader to wonder why stealing the dragon’s soul happened, how it happened, and what can be done with the soul; it engages the audience’s mind.
Since then, the Kulshedrans have lost their powers—the ability to augment their armor through Dragon’s magic—and they struggle to maintain their borders, their culture, their lives, but Scar is far from finished; he owes someone a debt of blood, and so he has journeyed back to Usaj, the land of destruction ruled by the mighty Zoltek. In Meshoptam, capitol of Usaj, Scar, the pale skinned, seven foot giant in black, leather armor, has slain the Zmajan, royal guards and come face to face with an old foe….
Finally, the readers are caught up. Everything from the previous book, without the minutiae, has been provided in story form. They know the hero, they know the villains, they have an idea as to why some people worship dragons—they do provide magic—and they know what’s about to happen.
In short, prologues are mood setters, and sometimes, they also provide pertinent information. They must be entertaining, however, and they must be brief; people bought a book to read a story, not learn and memorize facts. I have even seen some prologues lay out a cast of characters. DO NOT DO THAT. No reader will ever commit to memory the names of fifty characters and their scant descriptions. Why would they? They haven’t read the story, so they don’t care about the cast yet.
If you, as a writer, wish to provide a cast of characters, names of planets, or fictional countries, or races of aliens, or what have you, place that at the end of the book as an appendix. Personally, I do enjoying flipping through back pages and reading those kinds of details, but I’ll skip them if they’re at the beginning of the story; I’ll probably even skip the story because it’s intimidating to so much as think that I might have to memorize details just to be able to participate in the story. It also makes me wonder if the story is lacking; I mean, it must be if the writer has to provide such details before starting.
Finally, to tackle the last question, do I need a prologue?
No. You never need a prologue. Everything that a prologue does can be done in the first chapter of a story. I wrote a Skyrim fanfiction, and it just starts with chapter one. There was no need to dive into what led the dark elf to question magickal theory; I just presented his case through character interactions, but should you choose to implement a prologue, make sure to edit the prologue just as you do the story; cut everything that doesn’t need to be there.
Thanks for reading. If you have comments, concerns, feedback, or whatever, don’t hesitate. I’m always open for discussion. In my next post, I’m going to tackle a mainstream novel and discuss why sentence fragments cheese my corn.
Perhaps, one of the most popular and familiar prologues of all time is the one from Star Wars, a New Hope. Strange that a movie had a prologue; movie goers generally want to watch a scene unfold rather than read it, but it seemed as though the story needed some explaining before the viewer dove in, but was it necessary? Did it even accomplish its job?
No, it didn’t. In fact, the New Hope prologue is one of the worst prologues of all time. Not only does it provide zero information, and not only was that lack of information irrelevant, but the information that was provided had little to do with the plot, characters, and setting; the prologue didn’t even set the mood for the story.
Let me ask some questions.
Who is the empire?
What have they done that’s so bad it has inspired rebellion?
What are the empire’s goals?
Who are the rebels?
Against what are they rebelling?
What are their goals?
Has anyone tried peace talks?
Who are the aliens?
From where did the Jedi originate?
Now, before you go answering any of these questions, remember that when the movie first came out, none of the other movies existed, and so, certainly, some questions have been answered later on, throughout the series, but many of these questions could have been easily addressed in the prologue, since they decided to include one to begin with.
In other words, while a prologue is far from necessary, if a writer chooses to use one, they must implement one properly.
I recall my first prologue, and it was nothing more than an info dump. I spent five pages—and I mean five, computer pages, 8.5 by 11, not some 6 by 9 book pages—five pages of boring, monotonous, facts all leading up to the story. It hadn’t occurred to me to explain the facts in the story. I thought I needed to lay out all the complicated factors, which resulted in the story’s plot, but that’s not storytelling, that’s just reportage, and a writer, or an editor, has to know when to use each.
Once I learned how to write, and how to spin a yarn, I rewrote the story in question. I do not have the original prologue, but I have the updated version, and while it is still a dry account of facts, which lead into the story, the whole of the spiel was cut down from nearly 3,000 words—a short story in itself—to 458 words.
Check it out-
Man yearns to explore, learn, perceive, and break beyond the bonds of limitation. Great, philosophic minds pondered such implications, giving rise to questions with no answer. Who are we? Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Are we alone in the universe? Can we reach for the stars?
That first segment sets the mood, an inquisitive mood, which showcases the philosophic dreams of mankind. The last two questions also help to reinforce the fact that the following story is of the sci fi genre, which is, of course, obvious by the title, cover, and blurb.
A decade into the Twenty First Century, a space exploration program known as NASA retired their shuttle, stating their space station, the ISS, was sufficient to advance man’s knowledge of space; no more flights to the moon were needed, probes were built to reach other planets, yet a question was raised; was NASA truly marooning their scientists in Earth’s orbit? Was there, really, no shuttle in reserve for emergency protocol?
The second segment provided just a bit of back story, but it also opened a conspiratorial line of questions, which also helps to set the mood, as the story is quite conspiratorial in nature, but that becomes more apparent in the novel itself.
What no one knew was that a new vessel had already been designed and produced. A drone shuttle carried equipment to the ISS, building materials, and there, the engineers constructed new probes. Launching them from beyond Earth’s gravitational pull allowed the tiny machines to explore without immense fuel requirements. New studies had commenced.
The third segment answers some questions, but it also redirects the readers’ line of thought. They are taken from the context of the known and plunged into the possibilities, which must be considered for the story to make sense. Furthermore, the possibilities are reasonable; building probes on the space station and sending them out from there does cut the fuel requirement, since they don’t have to fight gravity. A little science has been mixed into the fiction.
Survey satellites were then built and released to specified coordinates. Their role was to relay any information gathered by probes back to Earth. It took little time to obtain great findings. Less than a year into the program, the probes detected abundant deposits of precious minerals in asteroids both inside and outside the solar system. The next step required mining probes to retrieve the deposits. A new age began when humans no longer needlessly harvested their own planet’s resources.
Again, this segment answers potential questions, but it also creates some hope. Regardless of your political beliefs, is it not true that there is an abundance of resources available off world? How cool would it be to live in a world where precious metals are mined from asteroids and flown back to earth? Are you not already curious about this particular story?
A few decades down the road, survey probes revealed more than just resources; asteroids, moons, and planets were deemed acceptable for colonization with little cost or effort, however, there was always the obstacle of time. A journey from Earth to the closest sites meant decades of travel. Great minds set their combined efforts on the task, and a solution was proposed; send colonies to midway stations on small asteroids.
Here, the first idea tackled is that of colonizing with little cost or effort. In our world, today, as of 2016, such a thing is obviously quite costly, but the prologue states that it isn’t, and since the writer states that such is the case of this particular, sci fi adventure, the reader must accept the statement at face value. Furthermore, there is a reasonable solution presented to a problem most of us are aware exists; we cannot travel to even the nearest solar system, which is about four light years away. It takes almost a year to reach Mars! Another assumption is turned to fact by this segment, though. Since a couple of decades have passed, one cane assume the year is somewhere around 2040, and by then, we’ll certainly be able to reach the nearest planets in no time, so sending colonists to midway stations is the reasonable solution. This entire segment picks up from the last one; it obliterates the reader’s current knowledge of space travel and replaces it with the story’s version of space knowledge.
It was no surprise to NASA that very few volunteered. Many citizens of Earth were comfortable and happy in their lives. A move to a colonial life in space was practically permanent, and traveling for years only to live in the desolation of space was frightening. Then, the military stepped in, looking to soldiers for support. Project Safe Haven was announced.
Once more, the reasonable solution; no way anyone, especially someone living on earth during a time when resources are brought in from off world, wants to spend five, ten, twenty years traveling to an undeveloped colony, which might not even function, but if soldiers are ordered to do so, they’ll do it. This also sets up the story. For one, it implies that soldiers aren’t fighting against other countries. Secondly, it is a sound assumption that if the military started the colonies then each colony is a military base. Naturally, all the newer colonies will be military installations, so there’s a trend started by this segment; the military has control. This is a military, sci fi adventure.
In the year 2111, almost fifty years after the first successful colony, Admiral John Lay, the overseer of Safe Haven, commissioned Captain Riley O’Hara to lead a team of scientists and engineers aboard the Phoenix, a vessel orbiting a planet called Eon. The new ship and the new crew were set to break new ground; The Horizon Project was employed to begin colonization of the first planet outside the Sol system. O’Hara was beyond psyched.
Finally, readers have the last nugget of Intel. They know the year. They know the place. They know the reason. They know who the protagonist is, but there’s also something overlooked. If it’s been nearly fifty years since the first, successful colony, were there failed colonies…? As they say, the stage has been set, and now readers aren’t just prepared for the story, they are a part of the story.
I always believe it is imperative that a writer writes out every, single, little, tiny detail, even if that turns into an info dump. While the story is being written, while it is being discovered, piece by piece, by the writer, it becomes necessary to jot down all pieces of the puzzle, but, it is during the editing process, which is so far beyond proof reading, that an editor must remove all the extra pieces of the puzzle.
When placing together puzzle pieces, and you see the picture on the lid is a cat, the cat is all you really care about. You don’t care about the half of a ball of yarn in the top corner. You know it’s a corner piece by the shape of the puzzle piece. The same goes for stories, I think; the prologue is the shape, and the rest of the story is the cat, and each piece of the puzzle completes the story.
Let’s look at another prologue. This one is 223 words. It’s the prologue to one of my novellas. I don’t usually use a prologue for a body of work that’s under 70,000 words, but I really needed to set the stage for this story because it is very outlandish-
Fear, despair, rage, lust; these are base feelings, emotions, which run through the essence of man. It is odd to say that no one has sat back and questioned the value of these emotions, but it is even more odd to ask why no one has done so. Certainly, it can be agreed upon that people have questioned the purpose of life, but to what extent?
I’m sure you see a trend in my writing; I wax philosophically. First and foremost, this prologue states: if you don’t want to think, don’t read this book.
Is there more to life than money? More than sex? Whoever pursues a life without such great pleasures? Most men, normal men, crave the deep darkness of the Id, the passion, heat, and flame of the most immediate gratifications, yet in the end, everyone leads the same life, suffers the same pitfalls, repeats the same thoughts and conversations over and over again, and all while considering themselves unique.
This jabs the first point further. Hopefully, it does raise the question; if we’re all so unique, how come we can be so easily analyzed by psychological formulae? Why is it that all our friends have the same problems, the same complaints, and why is it that we do repeat to our minds the same dialogue over and over again? Perhaps it is this stagnant repetition, which has mired our lives…? Again, the stage is set, bearing the question, but what else is there?
Now, let me tell you that a Shadowman is never concerned with such trivialities. A Shadowman sneaks between the world of light and dark; as such, he cannot possibly fret over the mundane, for while he traipses through the world of men, his eyes are perennially on the prowl for something more abstract, something ephemeral, something incomprehensibly inhuman. Now, I’m going to tell you the story of my life, but not my life as a man in the world of men; the story of my life as a Shadowman.
I’ll bet you’re ready to find out what a Shadowman is. In just three paragraphs the eerie mood has been provided. The reader’s mind has been opened, and if not, the reader has left, and that’s okay; not all stories are for everyone.
The one you thing you’ll notice about this prologue versus the previous one is that no information has been provided in this one. The first prologue basically provided a history lesson before presenting the story. This prologue pulled you from the confines of the known in order to provide an inkling that there is an unknown out there waiting to be discovered.
Finally, I’ll present a prologue that recaps a previous title. It runs at 541 words, which makes it one of my longest prologues, but I’ll discuss it detail-
An amnesiac mercenary called Scar appeared in the middle of the territorial disputes of Tiamhaal. He brought a whirlwind of change, the kind of change no one expected. That man was in actuality the avatar of Eternus, the Dragon of Time, a being outside the realm of human comprehension. Eternus was the universe, it was the ineffable creator of all that was, but having taken a liking to a particular world, it sent a portion of itself to the world of men.
The protagonist is immediately introduced as is the world. The readers also know that this is a fantasy adventure revolving around men and dragons. Furthermore, the mind has been assaulted by the fact that the creator of existence is a dragon, and that the dragon sent himself as a man to the world in order to do something.
Crafted from the clay at the edge of the world and fashioned from the eight, guiding principles of man, Scar, the mercenary, was sent to slay the Dragons, and so he was named Sarkany, the Dragon Slayer, yet his fashioning was not without flaws, and he lost his memories. Finding himself traveling aimlessly, seeking only to learn of his origins, Scar was beset by Dracos, the followers of Drac, Dragon of Fire, and then he was manipulated by Zoltek, Negus of the Zmajans, followers of the Dragon of Destruction, and finally, the warrior was sent by King Gilgamesh of Satrone, a worshipper of Kulshedra, Dragon of Truth, to the ruined kingdom of Alduheim where a forgotten memory lay buried in darkness.
You might be able to tell that the story, or the prologue, at least, has been written in a manner that imitates Biblical tones, so not only has the stage been set, but the production has also been set; readers know they’re in for something that reads somewhat archaic. On top of that, a great deal of what transpired in the first book is explained, but rather than being provided as a bland reportage, it is a story in and of itself. There is also proof that the world is at war, and that the protagonist is in the mix to do something outlandish, yet there is an air of mystery- the forgotten memories.
It was there that he and his men found a paladin, a warrior named Ylithia, who fought in the name of Mekosh, a true God, the God of Severity, and even though paladins had always maintained that the Dragons were posing as Gods, most people of Tiamhaal had never taken them seriously, yet what was witnessed beneath the rubble of Alduheim united them in their efforts to reveal the truth to their kings and queens. The leaders of every tribe had established their own countries under the name of their Dragon Lord posing as God; constantly, they fought for territory, supremacy, religious beliefs, and even peace. Things changed when warriors of Kulshedra, Scultone, Fafnir, and Tiamat joined forces with Scar and Ylithia, but their plan to bring to light the lies of Dragons was short lived; Scar and Ylithia fell in love and left kings and pawns to squabble amongst themselves.
Now the underlying order of the novel, or the series, in this case, has been provided- Dragons have posed as Gods, but there are real Gods, and there are warriors who have chosen to listen to the real Gods rather than the Dragons. Also, readers know that in the previous novel, the protagonist fell in love, and that created some sort of problem.
The two abandoned Gods and Dragons for a life of peace, but the spurned King Gilgamesh had other plans, and he sent his men to kill Scar, yet he was away, and it was Ylithia, who was cut down without mercy, and for that act of betrayal, Scar took his sword, joined his old friend, Labolas, invaded the impregnable palace, Inneshkigal, and killed Gilgamesh before all the Kulshedrans of Tironis. Upon the king’s death, Scar was transported to Drangue, where he battled the mighty Kulshedra, a misty whorl of a Dragon, and the Dragon Slayer took the beast’s soul.
Several details are provided, yet still in an entertaining fashion. This story, which is just a prologue employed to rehash the previous title, or explain to people joining the show a little a late, reveals what happened when the protagonist abandoned his ordained duties, yet the discord was resolved, if by gruesome means. What readers don’t see is the abundance of information regarding the key players, because that belongs in the narrative, the actual story. They do, however, learn that the hero has rejoined the battlefront and killed a dragon and somehow stole its essence. Having mentioned such a thing entices a reader to wonder why stealing the dragon’s soul happened, how it happened, and what can be done with the soul; it engages the audience’s mind.
Since then, the Kulshedrans have lost their powers—the ability to augment their armor through Dragon’s magic—and they struggle to maintain their borders, their culture, their lives, but Scar is far from finished; he owes someone a debt of blood, and so he has journeyed back to Usaj, the land of destruction ruled by the mighty Zoltek. In Meshoptam, capitol of Usaj, Scar, the pale skinned, seven foot giant in black, leather armor, has slain the Zmajan, royal guards and come face to face with an old foe….
Finally, the readers are caught up. Everything from the previous book, without the minutiae, has been provided in story form. They know the hero, they know the villains, they have an idea as to why some people worship dragons—they do provide magic—and they know what’s about to happen.
In short, prologues are mood setters, and sometimes, they also provide pertinent information. They must be entertaining, however, and they must be brief; people bought a book to read a story, not learn and memorize facts. I have even seen some prologues lay out a cast of characters. DO NOT DO THAT. No reader will ever commit to memory the names of fifty characters and their scant descriptions. Why would they? They haven’t read the story, so they don’t care about the cast yet.
If you, as a writer, wish to provide a cast of characters, names of planets, or fictional countries, or races of aliens, or what have you, place that at the end of the book as an appendix. Personally, I do enjoying flipping through back pages and reading those kinds of details, but I’ll skip them if they’re at the beginning of the story; I’ll probably even skip the story because it’s intimidating to so much as think that I might have to memorize details just to be able to participate in the story. It also makes me wonder if the story is lacking; I mean, it must be if the writer has to provide such details before starting.
Finally, to tackle the last question, do I need a prologue?
No. You never need a prologue. Everything that a prologue does can be done in the first chapter of a story. I wrote a Skyrim fanfiction, and it just starts with chapter one. There was no need to dive into what led the dark elf to question magickal theory; I just presented his case through character interactions, but should you choose to implement a prologue, make sure to edit the prologue just as you do the story; cut everything that doesn’t need to be there.
Thanks for reading. If you have comments, concerns, feedback, or whatever, don’t hesitate. I’m always open for discussion. In my next post, I’m going to tackle a mainstream novel and discuss why sentence fragments cheese my corn.
So you want to be a writer part 1
Allow me to preface this post by saying happy holidays, and happy new year. The new year is a time for renewal, for resolutions, and so I think this is the perfect time to write this post, or rather, this series of posts, which will set out some guidelines for actually becoming a successful novelist.
Allow me also to apologize. For whatever reason, every time that I answer a question on Quora, it is now automatically collapsed, and I don’t believe the public is allowed to see it, but they have yet to squelch my Quora blog, from where this post was born. Should Quora eventually do so, you can still find these posts right here. I’m also going to be moving the Q and A’s I’ve done on Quora to my website, so stay tuned for all that.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/
Now, to get on with it:
How does one become a successful writer? There are so many of you out there asking this question, so I want to provide you with a series of posts, which will help to outline the process that can lead to your success.
These posts are in no way a perfect manual; however, if you follow them closely, you will eventually become successful. Why am I so sure? Because the only guaranteed method for achieving long term success is to continuously release quality content, and that’s what I want to help you accomplish.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if you write, edit, and release decent stories on a regular and continuous basis, you will eventually be the successful writer you’ve wanted to be.
Unfortunately, many people ask the following:
I want to be a great writer, and I like to write, but I can’t come up with an idea. How do I find a great idea to write about?
I’m gonna’ let you guys in on a little secret, actually a few secrets.
One! There are no original ideas, only original presentations. Lord of the Rings? That’s just good versus evil, combined with a little the underdog fights against insurmountable odds, and a hint of Germanic folklore. Shawshank Redemption? That’s just the trial of a man overcoming great obstacles with a touch of righteous injustice.
Mankind has been around for a long, long time, and throughout most of its existence, mankind has passed along stories in one form or another. Did you know that Sumerians had scifi? Well, maybe it wasn’t quite scifi, but there’s a tale of King Gilgamesh, before he was king, and a mechanical man fell from the sky and wrestled with him; that machine became his friend, Enkidu. Together, they journeyed to an island where they fought some other kind of machine that fired off blasts of energy. I don’t recall the lesson behind the tale, nor did I actually lay my eyes upon the story cylinder, but according to some anthropologists, such was one of many Sumerian stories.
No story today has an original idea, only an original presentation.
Two! An interesting, complex, consuming, convoluted idea with numerous plot twists and turns isn’t what makes a story great. In fact, such things often ruin a story. There is an elegance to simplicity, and if you’re a novice writer, or someone who has never written, stick with the simplest idea possible.
Many great stories, or many successful writers, start first with a very simple idea. There is no doubt that Stephen King is successful, whether you like his work or not, but he did not begin his career with a complex idea. He first practiced by writing short stories—and we’ll get to that—and then moved on to Carrie. He even threw away his first draft and rewrote the whole thing from scratch!
The point is that King started his career with simple ideas that he happened to present very well and in an authentic manner, and we’ll discuss how to become authentic later on.
Three! Every idea, no matter how small, how seemingly insignificant, can become a story.
I have written stories based on people getting sick, based on friendship, based on love, sex, money, inner silence, the most asinine imagery imaginable, I have written stories based on a one-liner I jotted while watching television, playing video games, watching movies, looking at pictures, or listening to a song.
This leads us to the answer—you don’t need to come up with an idea. The ideas are there; they are all around you. An idea is just that, an idea, you must then write everything you can about that idea, and then tie that into other related ideas, but perhaps you aren’t imaginative, you aren’t creative; That’s okay. It really doesn’t matter. One just needs to present a series of ideas to an audience in an entertaining fashion, but let’s get back to the idea.
Find somewhere quiet. Find a place with few distractions. Close your eyes—after reading this post, obviously—take a deep breath, and exhale.
Daydream. Do what you used to do when you were a tyke. Play make-believe; pretend that you are a knight, a cowboy, a soldier, a spaceman, that’s all writing is, unless you want to write non-fiction, in which case you don’t need to try to come up with an idea, what you need to do is find a topic about which you care, and then do a great deal of research and experimentation, but I don’t really deal with non-fiction too much, at least not outside of editing, and we’ll discuss editing later on.
Now, maybe you want to write poetry, and that’s a little different, but the plus side to poetry is that you never need to worry over the technical aspects of literature and composition; you just write according to cadence, a rhythm, whatever. The important thing to consider when writing poetry is imagery, sound, etc., and that leads us into the next piece of advice.
For now, just start watching your favorite movies, watch television, read books you like, play video games; it doesn’t matter because you’ll find ideas in the things that you enjoy.
Obviously, you don’t want to plagiarize, but that’s not really an issue at this moment. In fact, think about your favorite show; if you know it inside and out, you should be able to imagine what the characters will do, how they’ll solve a problem, how they act, react, and interact. All you have to do is imagine a new problem for them, and then think about it day in and day out until you see your idea come to life.
If you want, you can try writing fanfiction. There’s nothing wrong with that. Lot’s of successful writers started out writing fanfiction. In fact, most screen writers started their careers by writing an episode of their favorite show, submitting it to the production company, and bang; they became screen writers just by writing fanfiction.
Isn’t that how 50 Shades of Grey got started?
The ideas are there, guys. All you need to do is relax, and think about the idea over and over again until it slowly becomes you. Then, start writing pieces of it down. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a beginning. It doesn’t matter if there’s no middle, or characters, or problems, or resolutions; all that comes later. All that is editing.
People today, they want to start writing a novel from the very beginning all the way through to the end on their first attempt, but that isn’t how it works.
Imagine building a house. You don’t just buy all the supplies and build the house. First, you have to find a piece of land. Then, you have to level the land. Next, comes your foundation, and then, brick-by-brick, you build walls, place the roof, designate rooms, run electricity, pipes, finish the drywall, paint, decorate, and then, finally, you bring people inside to live out a tale. Writing a novel is the same.
Imagine sculpting a horse from marble. You don’t just start chipping away and sculpt a perfect rendition of a horse on your first attempt. You stare at the horse. You stare at the marble. You stare at the horse again. Then, you chisel a small chunk out from the corner of the marble block; it’s a process with a learning curve, and it starts simply with an idea, an image, a scene, something that fascinates or enthralls you.
Some people, once they have an inkling of an idea, they write an outline or do some kind of brainstorming. I am not a visual person. None of that works for me; time spent on that crap is time better spent writing for me. Try out different methods. Something will work for you.
For me, I just write out what I want to write:
There’s a guy named Jake, and he’s tasked with taking soil samples from a polluted lake. When he returns to the lab, he finds something strange; it turns out to be a new life form.
The above sample is literally how I start my stories. Then, I add until I feel I have something worth writing. So you want an idea? Close your eyes, and pay attention to the world around you; the scents, the sounds, the feel. Your idea is somewhere amidst the things you do. Then, you just jot it down.
Writing is just the transfer of thoughts to paper. They don’t have to be perfect, logical, ordered, or anything. Just write down a related series of events. Once your story is down, you can do with it what you want; it isn’t etched in stone; it isn’t a published title out to the public.
Think about a picture, like, drawing a picture. You want to draw a picture of your house, so how do you start it? You sit down, and look at your house. Then, you start to draw the lines, affect the shading to provide a perspective of depth, and when you mess up, and you will mess up, what do you do? You erase, and fix it over and over again until you’re satisfied with your picture.
I think too many people try too hard and are discouraged too easily because they set themselves up for failure. So, with this first post about becoming a successful writer, I just want you guys to relax, and think about different ideas. If you find some that interest you, write them down.
I have numerous, an overabundance, of ideas that I will never use. That’s just the way it is. Everything, to me, is interesting and can become a story for a novel, a novella, a short story, a poem. Once you have an idea you like, writing is the easy part, and we’ll pick up there in the next post of this series.
Thank you very much for reading. If you’ve already started writing, and you need some help cleaning up your story, visit my Editing Tab.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?page_...
I want to help you guys out as much as possible, but I want you to understand that what I’m proposing isn’t free. You want free help? Keep tuning in to this blog.
You want in depth assistance? Maybe, you just need some light proofing, or maybe you need some comprehensive editing; in either event, contact me, and we can discuss what kind of help you need. If you haven’t begun writing yet, now is a great time to mull over your idea, and talk to your friends, family members, and coworkers about the idea; let them know you want to start writing. Make it an interesting process for you, and stay tuned for more posts.
Allow me also to apologize. For whatever reason, every time that I answer a question on Quora, it is now automatically collapsed, and I don’t believe the public is allowed to see it, but they have yet to squelch my Quora blog, from where this post was born. Should Quora eventually do so, you can still find these posts right here. I’m also going to be moving the Q and A’s I’ve done on Quora to my website, so stay tuned for all that.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/
Now, to get on with it:
How does one become a successful writer? There are so many of you out there asking this question, so I want to provide you with a series of posts, which will help to outline the process that can lead to your success.
These posts are in no way a perfect manual; however, if you follow them closely, you will eventually become successful. Why am I so sure? Because the only guaranteed method for achieving long term success is to continuously release quality content, and that’s what I want to help you accomplish.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if you write, edit, and release decent stories on a regular and continuous basis, you will eventually be the successful writer you’ve wanted to be.
Unfortunately, many people ask the following:
I want to be a great writer, and I like to write, but I can’t come up with an idea. How do I find a great idea to write about?
I’m gonna’ let you guys in on a little secret, actually a few secrets.
One! There are no original ideas, only original presentations. Lord of the Rings? That’s just good versus evil, combined with a little the underdog fights against insurmountable odds, and a hint of Germanic folklore. Shawshank Redemption? That’s just the trial of a man overcoming great obstacles with a touch of righteous injustice.
Mankind has been around for a long, long time, and throughout most of its existence, mankind has passed along stories in one form or another. Did you know that Sumerians had scifi? Well, maybe it wasn’t quite scifi, but there’s a tale of King Gilgamesh, before he was king, and a mechanical man fell from the sky and wrestled with him; that machine became his friend, Enkidu. Together, they journeyed to an island where they fought some other kind of machine that fired off blasts of energy. I don’t recall the lesson behind the tale, nor did I actually lay my eyes upon the story cylinder, but according to some anthropologists, such was one of many Sumerian stories.
No story today has an original idea, only an original presentation.
Two! An interesting, complex, consuming, convoluted idea with numerous plot twists and turns isn’t what makes a story great. In fact, such things often ruin a story. There is an elegance to simplicity, and if you’re a novice writer, or someone who has never written, stick with the simplest idea possible.
Many great stories, or many successful writers, start first with a very simple idea. There is no doubt that Stephen King is successful, whether you like his work or not, but he did not begin his career with a complex idea. He first practiced by writing short stories—and we’ll get to that—and then moved on to Carrie. He even threw away his first draft and rewrote the whole thing from scratch!
The point is that King started his career with simple ideas that he happened to present very well and in an authentic manner, and we’ll discuss how to become authentic later on.
Three! Every idea, no matter how small, how seemingly insignificant, can become a story.
I have written stories based on people getting sick, based on friendship, based on love, sex, money, inner silence, the most asinine imagery imaginable, I have written stories based on a one-liner I jotted while watching television, playing video games, watching movies, looking at pictures, or listening to a song.
This leads us to the answer—you don’t need to come up with an idea. The ideas are there; they are all around you. An idea is just that, an idea, you must then write everything you can about that idea, and then tie that into other related ideas, but perhaps you aren’t imaginative, you aren’t creative; That’s okay. It really doesn’t matter. One just needs to present a series of ideas to an audience in an entertaining fashion, but let’s get back to the idea.
Find somewhere quiet. Find a place with few distractions. Close your eyes—after reading this post, obviously—take a deep breath, and exhale.
Daydream. Do what you used to do when you were a tyke. Play make-believe; pretend that you are a knight, a cowboy, a soldier, a spaceman, that’s all writing is, unless you want to write non-fiction, in which case you don’t need to try to come up with an idea, what you need to do is find a topic about which you care, and then do a great deal of research and experimentation, but I don’t really deal with non-fiction too much, at least not outside of editing, and we’ll discuss editing later on.
Now, maybe you want to write poetry, and that’s a little different, but the plus side to poetry is that you never need to worry over the technical aspects of literature and composition; you just write according to cadence, a rhythm, whatever. The important thing to consider when writing poetry is imagery, sound, etc., and that leads us into the next piece of advice.
For now, just start watching your favorite movies, watch television, read books you like, play video games; it doesn’t matter because you’ll find ideas in the things that you enjoy.
Obviously, you don’t want to plagiarize, but that’s not really an issue at this moment. In fact, think about your favorite show; if you know it inside and out, you should be able to imagine what the characters will do, how they’ll solve a problem, how they act, react, and interact. All you have to do is imagine a new problem for them, and then think about it day in and day out until you see your idea come to life.
If you want, you can try writing fanfiction. There’s nothing wrong with that. Lot’s of successful writers started out writing fanfiction. In fact, most screen writers started their careers by writing an episode of their favorite show, submitting it to the production company, and bang; they became screen writers just by writing fanfiction.
Isn’t that how 50 Shades of Grey got started?
The ideas are there, guys. All you need to do is relax, and think about the idea over and over again until it slowly becomes you. Then, start writing pieces of it down. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a beginning. It doesn’t matter if there’s no middle, or characters, or problems, or resolutions; all that comes later. All that is editing.
People today, they want to start writing a novel from the very beginning all the way through to the end on their first attempt, but that isn’t how it works.
Imagine building a house. You don’t just buy all the supplies and build the house. First, you have to find a piece of land. Then, you have to level the land. Next, comes your foundation, and then, brick-by-brick, you build walls, place the roof, designate rooms, run electricity, pipes, finish the drywall, paint, decorate, and then, finally, you bring people inside to live out a tale. Writing a novel is the same.
Imagine sculpting a horse from marble. You don’t just start chipping away and sculpt a perfect rendition of a horse on your first attempt. You stare at the horse. You stare at the marble. You stare at the horse again. Then, you chisel a small chunk out from the corner of the marble block; it’s a process with a learning curve, and it starts simply with an idea, an image, a scene, something that fascinates or enthralls you.
Some people, once they have an inkling of an idea, they write an outline or do some kind of brainstorming. I am not a visual person. None of that works for me; time spent on that crap is time better spent writing for me. Try out different methods. Something will work for you.
For me, I just write out what I want to write:
There’s a guy named Jake, and he’s tasked with taking soil samples from a polluted lake. When he returns to the lab, he finds something strange; it turns out to be a new life form.
The above sample is literally how I start my stories. Then, I add until I feel I have something worth writing. So you want an idea? Close your eyes, and pay attention to the world around you; the scents, the sounds, the feel. Your idea is somewhere amidst the things you do. Then, you just jot it down.
Writing is just the transfer of thoughts to paper. They don’t have to be perfect, logical, ordered, or anything. Just write down a related series of events. Once your story is down, you can do with it what you want; it isn’t etched in stone; it isn’t a published title out to the public.
Think about a picture, like, drawing a picture. You want to draw a picture of your house, so how do you start it? You sit down, and look at your house. Then, you start to draw the lines, affect the shading to provide a perspective of depth, and when you mess up, and you will mess up, what do you do? You erase, and fix it over and over again until you’re satisfied with your picture.
I think too many people try too hard and are discouraged too easily because they set themselves up for failure. So, with this first post about becoming a successful writer, I just want you guys to relax, and think about different ideas. If you find some that interest you, write them down.
I have numerous, an overabundance, of ideas that I will never use. That’s just the way it is. Everything, to me, is interesting and can become a story for a novel, a novella, a short story, a poem. Once you have an idea you like, writing is the easy part, and we’ll pick up there in the next post of this series.
Thank you very much for reading. If you’ve already started writing, and you need some help cleaning up your story, visit my Editing Tab.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?page_...
I want to help you guys out as much as possible, but I want you to understand that what I’m proposing isn’t free. You want free help? Keep tuning in to this blog.
You want in depth assistance? Maybe, you just need some light proofing, or maybe you need some comprehensive editing; in either event, contact me, and we can discuss what kind of help you need. If you haven’t begun writing yet, now is a great time to mull over your idea, and talk to your friends, family members, and coworkers about the idea; let them know you want to start writing. Make it an interesting process for you, and stay tuned for more posts.
THEY LURK AMONG US LOKIANS 2 COMING SOON
They Lurk Among Us is the sequel to Beyond the End of the World. Both titles, and a third, were at one point published by a small press. I’ve complained about that press to my satisfaction, and I’m now proud to say that with the return of rights, I will be re-releasing Lokians 2, They Lurk Among Us pretty soon.
I don’t know how soon, though, but here’s the prologue to tithe you over. Yes, it’s tithe over, not tie over. A tithe is a tax consisting of ten percent of the community’s income. When the tax collector collects the tithe, the kingdom is tithed over until the next tax collection.
Why am I telling you? I have my reasons…but back to the prologue.
They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2
The flow of time is not a constant. The limitations of man are not concrete. What can one do once the doors behind reality are opened?
One man is blessed with a gift, burdened by a responsibility; somewhere in the reaches of space-time, he travels, seeking only to continue doing what he knows in his heart is right. Once a respected Naval Captain, now working for The Bureau, Riley O’Hara continues searching for answers.
Eight months prior, in July of 2111, Earth’s Navy surveyed a new planet, one meeting all requirements for colonization. Eon was a celestial body located in the Gemini system, a system of twin suns. For all intents and purposes, it was new Earth.
During the survey mission to Eon’s surface, Captain O’Hara and his special operations team discovered alien beacons. Soon after, Admiral Lay of Earth Navy made first contact with a race of aliens called Thewls. A detailed exchange of information transpired.
The Thewls convened on Eon with the Navy’s spec ops team. During the meet and greet, Humans came to learn that a second race of aliens called Lokians were on the prowl. This devastating force ravaged the galaxy as it destroyed civilizations to harvest technology.
Ambassador Weh of the Thewls proposed a plan. A unified front between men and Thewls was the only solution. Careful deliberations occurred behind closed doors as Admiral Lay slowly sequestered himself from the special operations team’s endeavor. Suddenly, the brash and young Captain O’Hara was in charge of the Humans’ most delicate mission in military history.
He led his team aboard a Thewlian vessel, joining their admiral, Yew, in a search throughout the galaxy for a weapon to wield against the so-called impending threat, the Lokians. Upon its discovery, the weapon was kept secret from nearly everyone on Horizon colony, including Admiral Lay’s second in command, Rear Admiral Shaw. At the end of the ordeal, the Lokian threat was curbed, but the captain did not receive a hero’s welcome. He woke up, injured from the final battle, in a hospital tent. The suns on Eon caressed his face as he looked over his commanding officer. Admiral Lay was concerned. He relayed to O’Hara what had transpired. Only recently conscious, and recovering from his wounds, the young man was shocked to learn the President of the North American Union had decided to shut down Horizon colony.
Unbeknownst to anyone, O’Hara boarded a craft with two agents from The Bureau, Adams and Franklin, whom served under the captain during the Lokian assault. Their whereabouts are currently unknown to both the Navy and President Montrose.
Thanks for reading the prologue. Obviously the Lokians series is scifi. What’s cool about this particular scifi series is the presentation. In the first Lokians book, a few aliens and a little bit of technology were introduced, but for the most part it was just a scifi, military adventure novel.
They Lurk Among Us, however, takes on a new depth. The 2nd Lokians book in the series is almost a sort of spy thriller scifi cross over. There’s a lot of intrigue, intel changing hands, all kinds of people–government officials–doing all kinds of crazy things in order to placate the aliens…but which aliens?
There’s new aliens in They Lurk Among Us. I mean, what’s the point of reading a scifi series without more aliens?
Apart from Humans, Lokians, and Thewls–the races introduced in the first Lokians book–there are Grays, Yvlekesh, and alien hybrids.
Right now, obviously, the book is written. I mean, it was released at one point, but I was never pleased with the end result, and there was nothing to be done while it was published by the small press, but since I got the rights back, and I know how to write now, I’m doing like a fifth round of editing, trying to make sure that everything is just the way I like it, just the way I think my audience will like it.
There’s the intrigue, great dialogue, a few jokes, cool action scenes, all the aliens, and it’s pretty fast paced, too. Thanks again for reading the prologue. At some point in the near future, I’ll release the first and second chapters, too.
Don’t forget to visit Lokians on Google+
https://plus.google.com/1105749711048...
I don’t know how soon, though, but here’s the prologue to tithe you over. Yes, it’s tithe over, not tie over. A tithe is a tax consisting of ten percent of the community’s income. When the tax collector collects the tithe, the kingdom is tithed over until the next tax collection.
Why am I telling you? I have my reasons…but back to the prologue.
They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2
The flow of time is not a constant. The limitations of man are not concrete. What can one do once the doors behind reality are opened?
One man is blessed with a gift, burdened by a responsibility; somewhere in the reaches of space-time, he travels, seeking only to continue doing what he knows in his heart is right. Once a respected Naval Captain, now working for The Bureau, Riley O’Hara continues searching for answers.
Eight months prior, in July of 2111, Earth’s Navy surveyed a new planet, one meeting all requirements for colonization. Eon was a celestial body located in the Gemini system, a system of twin suns. For all intents and purposes, it was new Earth.
During the survey mission to Eon’s surface, Captain O’Hara and his special operations team discovered alien beacons. Soon after, Admiral Lay of Earth Navy made first contact with a race of aliens called Thewls. A detailed exchange of information transpired.
The Thewls convened on Eon with the Navy’s spec ops team. During the meet and greet, Humans came to learn that a second race of aliens called Lokians were on the prowl. This devastating force ravaged the galaxy as it destroyed civilizations to harvest technology.
Ambassador Weh of the Thewls proposed a plan. A unified front between men and Thewls was the only solution. Careful deliberations occurred behind closed doors as Admiral Lay slowly sequestered himself from the special operations team’s endeavor. Suddenly, the brash and young Captain O’Hara was in charge of the Humans’ most delicate mission in military history.
He led his team aboard a Thewlian vessel, joining their admiral, Yew, in a search throughout the galaxy for a weapon to wield against the so-called impending threat, the Lokians. Upon its discovery, the weapon was kept secret from nearly everyone on Horizon colony, including Admiral Lay’s second in command, Rear Admiral Shaw. At the end of the ordeal, the Lokian threat was curbed, but the captain did not receive a hero’s welcome. He woke up, injured from the final battle, in a hospital tent. The suns on Eon caressed his face as he looked over his commanding officer. Admiral Lay was concerned. He relayed to O’Hara what had transpired. Only recently conscious, and recovering from his wounds, the young man was shocked to learn the President of the North American Union had decided to shut down Horizon colony.
Unbeknownst to anyone, O’Hara boarded a craft with two agents from The Bureau, Adams and Franklin, whom served under the captain during the Lokian assault. Their whereabouts are currently unknown to both the Navy and President Montrose.
Thanks for reading the prologue. Obviously the Lokians series is scifi. What’s cool about this particular scifi series is the presentation. In the first Lokians book, a few aliens and a little bit of technology were introduced, but for the most part it was just a scifi, military adventure novel.
They Lurk Among Us, however, takes on a new depth. The 2nd Lokians book in the series is almost a sort of spy thriller scifi cross over. There’s a lot of intrigue, intel changing hands, all kinds of people–government officials–doing all kinds of crazy things in order to placate the aliens…but which aliens?
There’s new aliens in They Lurk Among Us. I mean, what’s the point of reading a scifi series without more aliens?
Apart from Humans, Lokians, and Thewls–the races introduced in the first Lokians book–there are Grays, Yvlekesh, and alien hybrids.
Right now, obviously, the book is written. I mean, it was released at one point, but I was never pleased with the end result, and there was nothing to be done while it was published by the small press, but since I got the rights back, and I know how to write now, I’m doing like a fifth round of editing, trying to make sure that everything is just the way I like it, just the way I think my audience will like it.
There’s the intrigue, great dialogue, a few jokes, cool action scenes, all the aliens, and it’s pretty fast paced, too. Thanks again for reading the prologue. At some point in the near future, I’ll release the first and second chapters, too.
Don’t forget to visit Lokians on Google+
https://plus.google.com/1105749711048...
Love to read? Earn money reading!
Hello to all my lovely and loyal readers. I have big news for readers. I know you love to read, and I know you’d like to make some money, and indirectly, there is a way for readers to make money by reading. I’m going to introduce you to affiliate marketing, but not the way you’ve seen it before.
You do want to make money, right? You like to read good stories? You can make money selling stories you’ve read. Well, you can make money even without reading stories, but what I want is for my readers to sell my stories because I know you guys have not only read my stories, you’ve loved them and want to share them with everyone, and I want to pay you to do it. It’s easy.
You’ve heard of affiliate marketing, right?
Well, here’s the deal; Smashwords allows their writers to set the amount of money affiliate marketers can earn.
Starting on 03/01/2017, I am offering everyone 25% of my sales. All you have to do is make a Smaswhords account, you should already have one anyway, and down at the bottom of my books’ pages is an affiliate link.
All you do is copy and paste that link on your site, or blog, or whatever, and whenever people buy my book through your site, with your link, you earn 25% of the sale. You’ll have to add your Paypal address to your Smashwords account to earn the money, but it’s super simple, and you earn money immediately.
Yeah, I’m taking a cut so that people the world over can earn money by selling my books, and it should be pretty easy because my books practically sell themselves.
Look at this title, cover, and blurb; wouldn’t you buy this book for $5.99?
The Dragon of Time Two, Dragon Slayer
By Aaron Dennis
Scar, the Dragon Slayer, was fashioned to purge the Dragons from Tiamhaal, yet such a thing is not so simple. Kings and queens yet war amongst one another. They, too, lie, connive, and coerce, and so, Scar and his friends must find a way to persuade men to stand together against the machinations of evil forces. Join Scar on an adventure, which will test his mettle as man and warrior.
Well, here’s the deal. If you sell this book, you’ll get to keep over a dollar of the sale.
It’s easy, right?
You should start today. Just keep in mind that extra income won’t be available until March. You can still sell my books for 11% of the profit starting today, which isn’t bad, but from March 2017 and on, I’ll make sure all you guys can earn 25%. You won’t find a better deal anywhere else by any other author.
Here’s the link to each book that actually has a price.
Apollo - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Cayneian - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Short Stories from the Mind of Aaron Dennis - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Gods and Dragons - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Dragon Slayer - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Kink Erotica – if you’re feelin’ nasty - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Otherside - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
The rest of my books are free, so there can’t be any profit earned.
If you have a Smashwords account then the bottom of the each book’s page will present a special referral link that you use to generate sales and earn income directly from selling my book.
If this opportunity sounds too good to pass up then don’t pass it up. Start a Smashwords affiliate marketing site today, and reap the rewards of selling my books. Then, when your Smashwords affiliate marketing site is up and running, leave a comment with your name and a link to your site. I’ll add your site to my Backlinks tab and promote your site on Twitter.
I told you it was easy, didn’t I?
Think about it. You already read. You already know my stories rock. You already know people buy my stories. Why shouldn’t you get a cut? You already tell everybody, your friends, family, coworkers, and your blog or website fans which books you enjoy reading, and then your friends, family, coworkers, and blog and website fans go out and buy those books. Why shouldn’t you get a cut?
You should! That’s why I’m giving you 25% of the sales from March of 2017 on out. You guys are great. Without my fans, I wouldn’t have anything, and I want you to have some extra cash in your pocket. You can certainly sell anyone’s books, but is anyone else giving you 25% from each sale? I don’t think so. The standard affiliate referral from Smashwords is only 11%, and other sites like Amazon make affiliate marketing a pain and a convoluted mess.
Save yourself the headache, and share with the world what you already love: my stories. Earn a cut of the pie while you’re at it.
Apart from the books listed above, three more books will be released this year, so now’s a great time to hop aboard this money train because with each new title I release, more and people are going to be buying my books, and you want to make sure to be among the first to earn a fat cut of my profits. Thank you for being loyal fans.
(Please leave comments on the original post http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?p=776)
You do want to make money, right? You like to read good stories? You can make money selling stories you’ve read. Well, you can make money even without reading stories, but what I want is for my readers to sell my stories because I know you guys have not only read my stories, you’ve loved them and want to share them with everyone, and I want to pay you to do it. It’s easy.
You’ve heard of affiliate marketing, right?
Well, here’s the deal; Smashwords allows their writers to set the amount of money affiliate marketers can earn.
Starting on 03/01/2017, I am offering everyone 25% of my sales. All you have to do is make a Smaswhords account, you should already have one anyway, and down at the bottom of my books’ pages is an affiliate link.
All you do is copy and paste that link on your site, or blog, or whatever, and whenever people buy my book through your site, with your link, you earn 25% of the sale. You’ll have to add your Paypal address to your Smashwords account to earn the money, but it’s super simple, and you earn money immediately.
Yeah, I’m taking a cut so that people the world over can earn money by selling my books, and it should be pretty easy because my books practically sell themselves.
Look at this title, cover, and blurb; wouldn’t you buy this book for $5.99?
The Dragon of Time Two, Dragon Slayer
By Aaron Dennis
Scar, the Dragon Slayer, was fashioned to purge the Dragons from Tiamhaal, yet such a thing is not so simple. Kings and queens yet war amongst one another. They, too, lie, connive, and coerce, and so, Scar and his friends must find a way to persuade men to stand together against the machinations of evil forces. Join Scar on an adventure, which will test his mettle as man and warrior.
Well, here’s the deal. If you sell this book, you’ll get to keep over a dollar of the sale.
It’s easy, right?
You should start today. Just keep in mind that extra income won’t be available until March. You can still sell my books for 11% of the profit starting today, which isn’t bad, but from March 2017 and on, I’ll make sure all you guys can earn 25%. You won’t find a better deal anywhere else by any other author.
Here’s the link to each book that actually has a price.
Apollo - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Cayneian - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Short Stories from the Mind of Aaron Dennis - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Gods and Dragons - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Dragon Slayer - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Kink Erotica – if you’re feelin’ nasty - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Otherside - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
The rest of my books are free, so there can’t be any profit earned.
If you have a Smashwords account then the bottom of the each book’s page will present a special referral link that you use to generate sales and earn income directly from selling my book.
If this opportunity sounds too good to pass up then don’t pass it up. Start a Smashwords affiliate marketing site today, and reap the rewards of selling my books. Then, when your Smashwords affiliate marketing site is up and running, leave a comment with your name and a link to your site. I’ll add your site to my Backlinks tab and promote your site on Twitter.
I told you it was easy, didn’t I?
Think about it. You already read. You already know my stories rock. You already know people buy my stories. Why shouldn’t you get a cut? You already tell everybody, your friends, family, coworkers, and your blog or website fans which books you enjoy reading, and then your friends, family, coworkers, and blog and website fans go out and buy those books. Why shouldn’t you get a cut?
You should! That’s why I’m giving you 25% of the sales from March of 2017 on out. You guys are great. Without my fans, I wouldn’t have anything, and I want you to have some extra cash in your pocket. You can certainly sell anyone’s books, but is anyone else giving you 25% from each sale? I don’t think so. The standard affiliate referral from Smashwords is only 11%, and other sites like Amazon make affiliate marketing a pain and a convoluted mess.
Save yourself the headache, and share with the world what you already love: my stories. Earn a cut of the pie while you’re at it.
Apart from the books listed above, three more books will be released this year, so now’s a great time to hop aboard this money train because with each new title I release, more and people are going to be buying my books, and you want to make sure to be among the first to earn a fat cut of my profits. Thank you for being loyal fans.
(Please leave comments on the original post http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?p=776)
Hey book reviewers, book bloggers, book vloggers, and voice talent? Earn money reading books!
Calling all voice actors, voice over artists, and book vloggers!
How would you like to keep doing exactly what you’re doing, not a change a damn thing, and earn more money? Did I get your attention?
You’re brilliant, patient, and have a sonorous voice. You use it to convey emotions. It’s your art that elicits our passion, dreams, and aspirations, and rightfully so, you use your talent to earn a living. This is why I want to call your attention and preface the following information by saying that books are turned into movies, television shows, motion comic books, and video games, all of which need voice actors.
Many of you have YouTube accounts, and you showcase your wonderful talent. Every time you read something, a script, a novel, a short story, a review, anything, you post the video to YouTube, and your channel draws numerous visitors and subscribers.
By utilizing Google AdSense and other third party advertisers, you generate income, and that’s great. Sometimes, you sell your services to companies like Audible, and you perform readings of books, but what if there was an additional way to augment your income, which required absolutely no more work, no more effort, than what you’re already putting into your occupation?
What if on top of augmenting your income, you were also able to create more and more videos to showcase your stunning talent? You also want to get more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel, right?
Peep this reading of The Dragon of Time, Gods and Dragons.
https://wildsoundfestivalreview.com/2...
This book and performance was the winner of a book reading, but what if you had a chance to read this book, any book, out loud and upload it to your YouTube account. Your performance certainly sells that book to interested readers, right? You certainly deserve compensation for your efforts, don’t you? With more videos, you’ll surely get more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel, and that means more exposure, more income.
What if you were paid every time that a book sold a copy? What if every time that a book sold, you earned a dollar? A dollar isn’t much, but if you add that dollar to the income you already earn from ads, it’s a great bonus, especially if you sold multiple books regularly. Ten books a day is suddenly ten dollars a day, that’s an additional $300 a month…not to mention that the additional likes and subscribers means more revenue from Google AdSense.
Here’s what I’m doing, and here’s where I want you to participate and earn more money by reading books, performing, selling books, and getting more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel.
Smashwords books have affiliate referral links on their buy pages. Down at the bottom of the Smashwords page for They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2, the second book of the Lokians scifi series, you can plainly see a URL, and you can also see that you can earn 25% of the sale.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Not all Smashwords authors provide such a high referral income, but I do, and sometimes, I offer more than 25%, but never less, so if you perform a reading of They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2, and people see your performance, and they buy They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2 through your referral link, you earn a dollar from the sale, and you earn more money than just utilizing Google AdSense.
Now, imagine performing a reading of hundreds of books, books you don’t even have to purchase because you can download free samples of the books, and choose your preferred section to perform. For absolutely no cost, you can download a free sample of any of my books, perform a reading, and place your referral URL in that YouTube video, and then when people buy that book because of your performance, you earn more money.
Easy income, right? Free income from downloading free samples of great books!
There’s no hassle, no cost, and you’re just doing what you already love doing, speaking!
You do need to make a Smashwords account, but the account is free, and then your special referral URL automatically appears at the bottom of every book’s buy page, and all you do is place that URL in the video description or in the video itself.
In order to receive your compensation, you just link your Paypal account to your Smashwords account; it’s all free, it’s all easy, it requires no additional work or money, and there are thousands of free stories you can also download and read—all genres; scifi, fantasy, romance, horror.
How much fun would it be to just read stories for a living?
Here’s a link to my page on Smashwords, so that you can see all of my stories, and they are of numerous genres.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
Many of them are free, but if you perform a reading of those titles, and upload your performance to your YouTube channel, you can earn easy money through the ad revenue. Then, to augment your earnings, you can download the free portions of my priced books, and perform those readings, too. Just add the referral URL to your video, and when people buy the book through your link, you get paid.
Sounds easy? Sounds too good to be true? Sounds like affiliate marketing? It is easy easy. It is not too good to be true. It is affiliate marketing—affiliate marketing simplified.
No third party software, no pay per click, no extra work or effort, absolutely no cost to you, but you get all the benefits; you get a free story or sample, you get to stretch your vocal muscles, you get to showcase your talents, you get to add videos for more ad revenue, and likes, and subscribers, and you get to enjoy fantasy, scifi, horror, romance, whatever, and you get free money whenever anyone purchases a book through your link.
You can do this for any book you want, but remember that most Smashwords authors won’t be giving you 25% or more of their sales, but even the customary 11% is nice.
Think about it. If you’re already a YouTube hit, everyone will come to view your readings. If you’re not a YouTube hit…yet, you can certainly become one by adding numerous performances—just imagine having hundreds of videos on your YouTube account all from various genres; scifi, fantasy, horror, romance, whatever you want, and so you can showcase your range, and all the while, you earn tons of cash and exposure.
You already love voice acting. You are an actor, a voice actor, and if you so choose, you can showcase your acting talents by staging actual performances with a group of friends—group readings, whatever you want. There are no limits to what you can accomplish with this wonderful opportunity, and we all benefit.
Maybe, you’re not a voice actor. Maybe, you’re just a reader, a lover of the written word, and you enjoy reviewing your favorite books on your book review vlog. You can still earn an income through both Google AdSense and Smashwords referral URLs—affiliate marketing simplified. Like I said, we all benefit.
I benefit because you’re giving me exposure. You benefit because you earn a cut of my profits, you earn more through more ads, and voice actors can certainly land more jobs from the added exposure. To top it off, fans of reading benefit from learning of new material.
If you’d like more information, you can check out this post as well.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?p=860
You can also see that more and more people are searching for simplified affiliate marketing—more people are finding ways to earn money by doing what they love, free from the shackles of laborious jobs.
You definitely want to jump on this before the competition gets heavy, and I promise you, in about six months, a year, everyone will be reading books on YouTube, selling books on YouTube, reviewing books on YouTube.
Look at all the book review vlogs! It won’t be long before all the book review vloggers learn they can earn an actual living by doing what they’re already doing—selling books to consumers by reviewing them in vlog format. I also know people are taking advantage of streaming, so stream some readings, and provide the referral URL on your website, blog, or social media accounts!
Yup, this isn’t just a call to professional, voice actors; this is a call to anyone with a voice, anyone who enjoys reading, anyone who enjoys reviewing, speaking, acting.
Start earning more money today by reading books, streaming, making videos, and making vlogs. It’s your performance, your art, your interest, your passion that sells books, so earn more by doing what you already love, and at no cost, no additional effort.
Book review vloggers, when you review A Song of Ice and Fire, does Bantam pay you? Does George Martin? No, but people, your fans, certainly by those books because of your praise. Does J.K. Rowling pay you whenever you read or praise Harry Potter on your review site or review vlog? No, but I will; every time you review a book, and it sells, it sells because of your hard work, and you deserve a cut of the profit.
Start earning more money today. Streaming, blogs, vlogs—the internet is designed for you to take advantage of what you love doing; you can earn more doing what you love and without having to beg people to donate to your crowdfund campaign, or YouTube channel, or website, or whatever.
Now is the time to break away from the mainstream crap. This is the indie age, an age where anyone can earn money by providing the world a service, and your service is one of the best. Show the world what you can do, what you enjoy, get exposure, and start earning more money.
How would you like to keep doing exactly what you’re doing, not a change a damn thing, and earn more money? Did I get your attention?
You’re brilliant, patient, and have a sonorous voice. You use it to convey emotions. It’s your art that elicits our passion, dreams, and aspirations, and rightfully so, you use your talent to earn a living. This is why I want to call your attention and preface the following information by saying that books are turned into movies, television shows, motion comic books, and video games, all of which need voice actors.
Many of you have YouTube accounts, and you showcase your wonderful talent. Every time you read something, a script, a novel, a short story, a review, anything, you post the video to YouTube, and your channel draws numerous visitors and subscribers.
By utilizing Google AdSense and other third party advertisers, you generate income, and that’s great. Sometimes, you sell your services to companies like Audible, and you perform readings of books, but what if there was an additional way to augment your income, which required absolutely no more work, no more effort, than what you’re already putting into your occupation?
What if on top of augmenting your income, you were also able to create more and more videos to showcase your stunning talent? You also want to get more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel, right?
Peep this reading of The Dragon of Time, Gods and Dragons.
https://wildsoundfestivalreview.com/2...
This book and performance was the winner of a book reading, but what if you had a chance to read this book, any book, out loud and upload it to your YouTube account. Your performance certainly sells that book to interested readers, right? You certainly deserve compensation for your efforts, don’t you? With more videos, you’ll surely get more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel, and that means more exposure, more income.
What if you were paid every time that a book sold a copy? What if every time that a book sold, you earned a dollar? A dollar isn’t much, but if you add that dollar to the income you already earn from ads, it’s a great bonus, especially if you sold multiple books regularly. Ten books a day is suddenly ten dollars a day, that’s an additional $300 a month…not to mention that the additional likes and subscribers means more revenue from Google AdSense.
Here’s what I’m doing, and here’s where I want you to participate and earn more money by reading books, performing, selling books, and getting more likes and subscribers to your YouTube channel.
Smashwords books have affiliate referral links on their buy pages. Down at the bottom of the Smashwords page for They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2, the second book of the Lokians scifi series, you can plainly see a URL, and you can also see that you can earn 25% of the sale.
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...
Not all Smashwords authors provide such a high referral income, but I do, and sometimes, I offer more than 25%, but never less, so if you perform a reading of They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2, and people see your performance, and they buy They Lurk Among Us, Lokians 2 through your referral link, you earn a dollar from the sale, and you earn more money than just utilizing Google AdSense.
Now, imagine performing a reading of hundreds of books, books you don’t even have to purchase because you can download free samples of the books, and choose your preferred section to perform. For absolutely no cost, you can download a free sample of any of my books, perform a reading, and place your referral URL in that YouTube video, and then when people buy that book because of your performance, you earn more money.
Easy income, right? Free income from downloading free samples of great books!
There’s no hassle, no cost, and you’re just doing what you already love doing, speaking!
You do need to make a Smashwords account, but the account is free, and then your special referral URL automatically appears at the bottom of every book’s buy page, and all you do is place that URL in the video description or in the video itself.
In order to receive your compensation, you just link your Paypal account to your Smashwords account; it’s all free, it’s all easy, it requires no additional work or money, and there are thousands of free stories you can also download and read—all genres; scifi, fantasy, romance, horror.
How much fun would it be to just read stories for a living?
Here’s a link to my page on Smashwords, so that you can see all of my stories, and they are of numerous genres.
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
Many of them are free, but if you perform a reading of those titles, and upload your performance to your YouTube channel, you can earn easy money through the ad revenue. Then, to augment your earnings, you can download the free portions of my priced books, and perform those readings, too. Just add the referral URL to your video, and when people buy the book through your link, you get paid.
Sounds easy? Sounds too good to be true? Sounds like affiliate marketing? It is easy easy. It is not too good to be true. It is affiliate marketing—affiliate marketing simplified.
No third party software, no pay per click, no extra work or effort, absolutely no cost to you, but you get all the benefits; you get a free story or sample, you get to stretch your vocal muscles, you get to showcase your talents, you get to add videos for more ad revenue, and likes, and subscribers, and you get to enjoy fantasy, scifi, horror, romance, whatever, and you get free money whenever anyone purchases a book through your link.
You can do this for any book you want, but remember that most Smashwords authors won’t be giving you 25% or more of their sales, but even the customary 11% is nice.
Think about it. If you’re already a YouTube hit, everyone will come to view your readings. If you’re not a YouTube hit…yet, you can certainly become one by adding numerous performances—just imagine having hundreds of videos on your YouTube account all from various genres; scifi, fantasy, horror, romance, whatever you want, and so you can showcase your range, and all the while, you earn tons of cash and exposure.
You already love voice acting. You are an actor, a voice actor, and if you so choose, you can showcase your acting talents by staging actual performances with a group of friends—group readings, whatever you want. There are no limits to what you can accomplish with this wonderful opportunity, and we all benefit.
Maybe, you’re not a voice actor. Maybe, you’re just a reader, a lover of the written word, and you enjoy reviewing your favorite books on your book review vlog. You can still earn an income through both Google AdSense and Smashwords referral URLs—affiliate marketing simplified. Like I said, we all benefit.
I benefit because you’re giving me exposure. You benefit because you earn a cut of my profits, you earn more through more ads, and voice actors can certainly land more jobs from the added exposure. To top it off, fans of reading benefit from learning of new material.
If you’d like more information, you can check out this post as well.
http://www.storiesbydennis.com/?p=860
You can also see that more and more people are searching for simplified affiliate marketing—more people are finding ways to earn money by doing what they love, free from the shackles of laborious jobs.
You definitely want to jump on this before the competition gets heavy, and I promise you, in about six months, a year, everyone will be reading books on YouTube, selling books on YouTube, reviewing books on YouTube.
Look at all the book review vlogs! It won’t be long before all the book review vloggers learn they can earn an actual living by doing what they’re already doing—selling books to consumers by reviewing them in vlog format. I also know people are taking advantage of streaming, so stream some readings, and provide the referral URL on your website, blog, or social media accounts!
Yup, this isn’t just a call to professional, voice actors; this is a call to anyone with a voice, anyone who enjoys reading, anyone who enjoys reviewing, speaking, acting.
Start earning more money today by reading books, streaming, making videos, and making vlogs. It’s your performance, your art, your interest, your passion that sells books, so earn more by doing what you already love, and at no cost, no additional effort.
Book review vloggers, when you review A Song of Ice and Fire, does Bantam pay you? Does George Martin? No, but people, your fans, certainly by those books because of your praise. Does J.K. Rowling pay you whenever you read or praise Harry Potter on your review site or review vlog? No, but I will; every time you review a book, and it sells, it sells because of your hard work, and you deserve a cut of the profit.
Start earning more money today. Streaming, blogs, vlogs—the internet is designed for you to take advantage of what you love doing; you can earn more doing what you love and without having to beg people to donate to your crowdfund campaign, or YouTube channel, or website, or whatever.
Now is the time to break away from the mainstream crap. This is the indie age, an age where anyone can earn money by providing the world a service, and your service is one of the best. Show the world what you can do, what you enjoy, get exposure, and start earning more money.
